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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”      Home login  
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 Jackcrusto
Joined: 2/27/2017
Msg: 76
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
ChattyKathie0922 is about the same age as you are. Oh my you thought she was younger than you? Like she was young enough you could be her mother? Nope close in age to you and she is opposite to you. Imagine that! lol
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 77
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/12/2017 9:12:26 PM

What about for us older gals that may be in your parent's age range?

If you're referring to ChattyKathie -- she's 51. I don't think you're old enough to be her mother. Maybe older sister. :)

Also, you do the asking, you do the paying

But not every date is done by asking. Look at it from an honest, unbiased POV that we all overlook: Many dates gals say they'd like to go out sometime. Many ask "What are you doing Thursday, I get out of work early," -- and there is No rule or quasi-rule whatsoever that implies she's Paying His Bill. Plus, many are just done the same way two friends are chatting about doing stuff, once the ice is broken & the 1st date's obviously out of the way.

When I invite a guy over for a dinner date at my place, I don't ask him for $$$.

But if you suggest going out again sometime, do you pay his bill? Girls & guys don't ask for their money -- that's misleading. They may ask or suggest the other to at least chip in money To the services provided to them both, from time to time. If you have a guy over for dinner and you ask or suggest he bring a dish or a bottle of wine, you're not asking for $$.

It all sounds so petty and cheap to be keeping track of this sort of thing.

It is too anal to keep track of everything -- nobody's asking or implying whipping out a calculator. We all know that's really not what this is about (although there are some weird people out there in just about every category that crops up). What certainly can be considered cheap though -- is Expecting a guy to pay her way virtually all the time Unless she clearly & specifically asks to Take him out -- even when he didn't ask to Take her out.

Anyway, ChattyKathie...

I truly don't believe it makes any sense for it to be an expectation any longer.

It doesn't make sense -- but there are some social norms that don't. It's by the dating market. It still exists because (a) "traditional" people will keep espousing it, (b) guys will follow-thru not to look bad even on a blah date, because that Is how things "are" (self-propagating concept), and (c) when some guys don't follow (b) and instead suggest a gal chip in or i'll-get-this-you-get-next, even when he does it's more pricey VS hers aimed to be less pricey -- enough gals are turned off enough because there'll always be Far more other guys More "respectable" guys not willing to cross that line, to keep it at the norm. :)

The tradition of the man always paying, is steeped in ideals that no longer exist.

Oh very true -- but the social norm keeps it going, because the dating trend is to garner a gal's interest. Even when not asking to Take her out -- the guy is going to have less dating success in general. The market's trapped in this ideal, even though -- yes, the notion was borne out of most of history when women didn't work or didn't have fulltime jobs.

I'm sorry grown women keep expecting you to buy them food

It is the expectation by default, yes. "That's what the guy does," even though more women go to college than guys do. But again, you're going to be in the dating market with one hand tied behind your back as a guy if you motion for i-got-this-one/you-got-next, or even accepting the common "faux" offers by gals to split it or contribute to dinners, movie tickets, drinks, etc.

With that said, more gals are content to contribute on some level if/when a guy motions for it -- and a small but noticeable % will even have a Genuine offer and expectation to do so. Many guys don't want to risk it -- or will only when she seems to Genuinely ask to split the bill on a seemingly good date, saying that she can get the tip or get the 1st round of drinks at the bar after dinner, etc. From my experience -- 1st hand and 2nd hand -- that doesn't happen too often, although in big cities I'm sure it is more often.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 78
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 4:38:52 PM
The situation remains the same. I was raised by strict parents with etiquette on dating, as were my friends. I'm talking about it here, but I have no problem with this in real life. I don't date cheap men.

When I invite a guy over, I feel I want to create an experience in it's entirety, which means all he has to do is show up and be treated like a king. Why would I ask or expect him to bring anything over? I don't want a guy bringing anything over. I don't need the money and don't want it in cash or in something brought over. It's his turn to be pampered. I enjoy doing that; it's not a bad deal being a guy in my world:) All of this keeping track of who does what is too much for me. It takes all of the enjoyment out of dating, not something I'm interested in doing. You pay this, I pay that, it's what you do with a roommate, not with a s/o.

This reminds me of George Costanza from Seinfield when his gf's family vaca place burns down, and while they watch it burning, he says to her, btw, you owe me money from the change at the toll booth, LOL. LOSER!!! I don't care if the guys here want to be losers. I don't have a problem dating and they do.

I don't do expensive dates. I'd rather be out walking a trail and grabbing a snack or drink afterwards. Restaurants are okay to be out in a fun environment, but I'd rather have a drink and share an appetizer and not waste a lot of money on a full dinner. To think a women is saving all of this money from not buying food is ludicrous. If a guy doesn't want to spend a lot, then just don't do it. Taking me out every few months to a restaurant, if even that, is not putting money in my pocket, LOL!!!! Don't worry guys, women are not banking cash and getting rich from you spending a few dollars on them.

I'm not even interested in 2 cents being spent on food, I like to travel as I always have and need a guy that can afford to come along, so I don't date these low rent men that complain about pennies they think they need to spend on women. They need to do womanhood a good deed by staying home with porno and their hand. I see an arthritic hand in these guy's futures, LOL.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 79
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 4:59:06 PM

NewYorker58
I don't date cheap men.

I find this statement to be … off putting. Almost offensive. Not quite, but almost.

I am not cheap, I spend a fair bit of money on dates, and don’t complain about it. But a woman who states it out loud, boldly, bothers me just a bit. If I saw this on a woman’s profile, I would never send her an initial message. “Next!” would be my automatic reaction.

Yes, I know as a general rule that women do not like men who are cheap or stingy or “frugal”, if you will. It’s a little like all of the men out there who do not want to date an overweight woman. It’s fine for them to have that preference, and just never hit on or ask out women that they don’t find attractive. But if they put on their profile, “No fat chicks”, well then, that is beyond the pale. Even the skinniest of women are going to be put off by their statement and want nothing to do with them.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 80
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 5:18:23 PM
Really Henry - this from the guy wants to date hot attractive women with a big rack? LOL
Women of a certain age don't have to date scrubs
" I have no money because I paid child support" er your kids are in their 30s
" Crash of 87" er, look at the calendar
" I pay support" christ she in a nursing home
I like broke people far more that the ones who squeeze a nickel til the beaver screams, and order their coffee in a take out cup so they can refill if for later. :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrLequ6dUdM
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 81
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 5:46:42 PM
I don't have that in my profile. I don't need to, because I don't run across cheap men typically. Now is the time in life to spend the money you have to enjoy life, since I am of a "certain age", LOL:) I'm frugal myself, so I don't want or need a guy spending any appreciable money on me, it's not what dating is about for me, but I don't want to be made to feel uncomfortable by a small outlay of cash for minor things. A guy who can be more creative is more interesting to me. Eating dinner in a pricey restaurant is not so interesting to me, and I do list "casual" dining as an interest.

I'm an outdoorsy kind of gal, so things don't involve big money, and if it's an all day trek, I'm bringing food for the guy and myself to have along the trail or in the park. I've got a cooler I keep in my car and I use it:) I don't nickel and dime men, and I don't want it done to me either. It sucks all the enjoyment out of life. If you're a guy that doesn't mind spending cash, don't do it so fast with someone you just met. Having a lot of money spent on me would make me feel a little uncomfortable, but that's just me. For me, it's more about the experience, being in a fun atmosphere and enjoying each other's company. You can't buy that, it comes from two people and how well they get along.

Ouija, you're so funny and so right on!
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 82
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 7:29:39 PM

squeeze a nickel til the beaver screams


Sounds kinky until I realized you were talking about the Canadian nickel...
 sugarlandguy
Joined: 1/3/2013
Msg: 83
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 7:33:31 PM
I am glad I live in Texas.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 84
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/13/2017 10:15:42 PM

I was raised by strict parents with etiquette on dating, as were my friends.

Thus from your POV, you were taught THE ideal way to go by. I mean, you're not saying "I like doing this, I'm comfortable with that, It's the best experience for dating." It's The ideal way, otherwise the guy's a cheapskate. But before I get into what's underneath it all and the reasoning about how it allegedly Should be The way -- let me first get something out of the way...

The whole "explanation" that some convey, "It's whoever asks, pays the whole date! Simple!" -- is baloney, and can easily be seen once someone gives it a real-life objective look in common dating as a Whole. We're talking about universal rules, remember. The reason this faux-rule commonly isn't questioned and is seen as valid when it's Not -- is because people do go by what maw & paw & many others say as Correct repeatedly, so therefore, it must be true, right? Not so fast. In this case it's quick to see it's Not true -- as I've said before: Especially outside 1st dates, Many times there is not someone asking to Take anyone out. And when one "counts" just bringing up the notion or idea -- women do that a lot. So let's call a spade a spade, on what The Way is Actually all about:

It's not who merely seems to bring up an idea or the notion. The guy has to pay the woman's way when going out (give her $$ as some may call it), unless there's special circumstances:
(1) She convincingly says she truly wants to split the bill After you already said "No, I got it"
(2) She specifically asked to Take You out (ex: on date #x, her treat)
... otherwise, the "Man is to Pay. It's the Way it is. If you start being a couple, she'll cook you a dinner and the like periodically. Don't try and weigh the stuff, don't wanna hear it. You're the Man. Don't be a cheapskate." It's the Default rule, because it's the rule. And because the elders are of high honor, this is of high honor and correct because it also comes from them. If he doesn't like it, he's cheap -- as the saying goes. This is the version applying the Most "Etiquette", so to speak. :)

He's not being cheap questioning going down this route if it wasn't culturally The way to do it, tho. He's ONLY "cheap" because of the cultural rule because-its-a-rule.

For instance, take guy & girl out of this -- and say it's just two close friends, John & Bob who hang out a lot. Say these two single guys go out 1.5 times a week... dinner/big event/small event/movie + drinks after as a typical outing. Say John every so often goes to Bob's place to chill, watch a game, eat, have some beers. Okay. If John's paying for ALL the outings, even non big expensive ones, it's Still 2x what he'd be paying for going out normally. It's the cost of going out 2x as much over time. But hey, when he goes to Bob's, Bob pays for what he cooks up and the beer in his fridge. But even though Bob goes to John's and he gets the takeout -- even say he goes to Bob's more often, fine. Doesn't change the elephant in the room, does it?

Is John cheap for questioning Bob for him having to pay for all these outings? Would Bob calling John cheap trying to count pennies in return be true -- or would Bob actually be the cheap mooch, having the audacity to call Him cheap (lol)? The answer on this scenario is quite obvious. There is no counting pennies, nor even coming close to splitting hairs. It's obvious. John's not being cheap, he's being common sensical. In fact, he's kind of retarded if he let it go this long before he said "Wait, something's not right. Why do I pay Bob's tabs...?" :)

The reason this Differs from Dating, where John Is instead seen as cheap if questioning this (if his friend Bob was instead hot Sally)-- is due to my above description as "The Way", that So many folks more-or-less abide by. Even if Sally will whip up dinner or get takeout on her dime at her place once in a while -- there's still that clear imbalance. But it's OK and expected to be one, by default in culture unfortunately.

Underneath it all it's this: John, you're the Man. Don't whine. This is what you're supposed to do. You can ask her to cook for you sometime or the like if she never contributed anything, but in the end -- you Owe paying pretty much everything when going out, special circumstances aside. She's the woman, you're the man. It's just the way things are and the way that's proper. Since it is The way, retracting from that just makes you look cheap.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 85
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 2:01:54 PM
Cool D
I wasn't talking about the Canadian nickel LOl, yea I was... but it does sound kinda kinky.
My Cute " boyfriend" has healed from his bike injury. That kid has an old soul, he is fun to talk with - grandparents child mind him so he often talks like a Grandpa. His new dog is " a big galoot" I'm his soda pop dealer :)
Drew is a big spender.. once offered we could all go to MacDonalds for lunch. Clearly he didn't like what his Grandma was serving up but cute he asks me out ( on their coin)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 86
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 2:54:02 PM
Bottom line, the men I date are generous, and it's their cash to spend the way they want to spend it. I've been treated to many vacations. My ex recently invited me to go on vacation with him on his dime. That's his prerogative if he wants to do that. No one is forcing him and it's his idea. I've taken my student ex on some really nice vacations where I paid for everything. He didn't have the money to take me or pay his way. I'd rather not sit at home looking at my money in the bank and crying that he had no money so we couldn't go anywhere, LOL. That's just ridiculous!

I had a guy buy me a $4,000 fur coat. Really, I didn't want it, because it's fur. He was soooo excited to give that to me for Christmas, years ago. I would have considered returning it had he not had my name embroidered in the lining. Who are you to tell a man how to spend his money? I don't. If a guy wants to be generous, it's HIS money to spend the way HE wants to. Some men love to spend money on their gfs or wives. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm at an age where men are retired or retiring and they want to enjoy what life has to offer and they have excess cash to spend on friends and gfs and they enjoy it. Nothing wrong with that.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 87
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 3:04:45 PM
"Who are you to tell a man how to spend his money?"

You are a human being who should have enough self esteem that you wouldn't accept gifts like you mention, because you have already earned the money to buy what you want for yourself. You are not a child who needs Daddy to buy things for you. I wouldn't be beholding to any other human by accepting such gifts.

Fur...............are you kidding.
Don't be too shock when someone throws red food dye all over you and your coat.

Fur..............I need to take a shower at the bloody thought of it. F'ing EW.

Wait, I am not supposed to post that you have disgusted me, because you are female. My bad.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 88
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 3:54:36 PM
if some hottie told me she doesn't date cheap men (And I've had hottie friends, so its not always a come-on), I typically think, "well, that's not my category". I suspect, however, everyone has their definition. If a woman thinks I spent enough on a date, that's something we share in common. If she doesn't, then i'm not a good fit for her...and that's it. I can take that personally, or I can view it with the same level of importance as, I like cars and she does not. of course, we don't like rejection, we want to couple up, and we value what money says about us.

but everyone has their definition of money and how it should be used.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 89
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 4:36:51 PM
It was a Christmas gift and the guy was excited so I politely accepted it. I don't wear it. I take care of myself and don't need anything, so a gift typically is something a little frivolous. It would be pretty insulting to tell a guy you don't want his gift. That's a slap in the face after someone spend their time and energy to buy you something. It's just good manners to accept what a person gives you and not complain.

Mustang guy, what I look at is if a guy does not want to experience life and have fun. It doesn't have to be about money spent, but when I do see him spend money, a guy should not make a date feel uncomfortable by showing he's tight. Don't bring a coupon on a first date! Everyone likes a deal, but not on the first date. Things like that are just common sense, but not for everyone. Things like that can make a date feel uncomfortable. Save coupons for subsequent dates. Have common sense, not you, but for guys who are clueless.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 90
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 5:03:50 PM
" It would be pretty insulting to tell a guy you don't want his gift. That's a slap in the face after someone spend their time and energy to buy you something. It's just good manners to accept what a person gives you and not complain. "

OMG, can you say Stepford.
Please tell me you are just pissing with us.
It's a joke, right????????

You just don't have an iota of animal compassion in you, do you.
Just flash and fluff.
Seriously, say it isn't true.

If a man gives me a gift that is over the top in value or an insult to how I live my life, I am so done with him.
But then I am a realist, and don't suffer fools. My ego doesn't need high price gifts.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 91
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 5:13:26 PM
What kind of fur.. is it sable?
idk.. one second you complaining the guys are cheap.. next they raining fur coats on you.
FYI - my ego today could use some high price gifts
There are shoes I saw for only 1300, and Vuitton just did a release of a bag for 3700 ( USD) that would make me totes forget my ass sliding down the back of my thighs faster than a kid on a slip & slide
But what would prompt you to accept a gift you would never use?
Donate it to a place that makes Teddy bears for sick kids or something
I cannot condemn wearing fur as I still eat meat, it is just idk, gauche here
Then again, we scream " they eat dogs" whilst eating beef
Again shoes TIA :/
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 92
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 5:43:55 PM
For whatever reason, you just want to be argumentative and insulting. If I don't like a gift, I accept it graciously and then don't wear it if it's clothing or jewelry. The coat had my name on it, I could not return it, but I could choose to not wear it. Sounds like you don't know how to accept a gift or understand gift giving. It's about the giver, not the receiver. If you want to b!tch a guy out for a gift, that's up to you.

Edit to respond to Ouija: For the coat, it's about how the animal was killed. I don't know how it's done. It's mink w/a fox collar and I think you call them dolman sleeves. About being cheap, it goes hand in hand with not wanting to enjoy life and it's more about that. I don't see money as being sacred. It's made to be spent and not a big deal. That's how I lead my life with my money. I'm not big into possessions, but do spend TON of money on my dog. She's really my exes dog, but didn't like him, so I took her in the divorce and try to give her the best life possible, which is very costly. She's a hairy little money pit, LOL, but I love her and enjoy taking the best care of her that I can. Sometimes when you love a person or a pet, you want to lavish them with things. Pets know how to be gracious about accepting gifts:) P.S. - the coat had my name embroidered on it, so no taking it back.
 Mz_Informed
Joined: 11/15/2016
Msg: 93
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 6:55:19 PM
It's one thing to know your "self-worth" but totally another to expect it from others.

It truly is disgusting to see how some women value themselves in dollar amounts. And some of the comments about "cheap men" and "low rent" guys are actually disturbing.

No one is better than anyone else in the dating game. To think otherwise is, well, gross.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 94
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 7:59:44 PM
I could have a Lambo my fur baby costs...but they are one of the gifts ( I mutter as I vacuum and clean angel hair)
I call it angle hair so I don;t flip out over being covered in white hairs when I nearly always wear black
Oh hey - you CAN buy me love, a cherry bizzard tonite would def do it
Mz Informed.. you are right however OLD seems to be a bit Animal Farm
We are all equal, some more equal than others
one darn blizzard. Sigh
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 95
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/15/2017 10:07:01 PM
I don't even want to think of the money I've spent on her, but it's money well spent. I flew w/her to TX a few years ago for preventative surgery on her back. It was only done there or OK. The alternative was that she could potentially become paralyzed. She just had an MRI and surgery on her neck for another issue. That's why I found the forums, to pass time since I can't really go out now for too long, because I have to medicate her and care for her 24/7 for a while.

That's funny that you said angel, because after my dog's surgery and her coming out of it alive, which was a miracle, I call her may baby angel. When she's tormenting me by waking up all night, I keep saying, baby angel, baby angel, LOL.

I could go for a Carvel ice cream cake:) Or maybe WA state cherries! Going to fruit farms for some fruit picking is a fun date.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 96
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/16/2017 9:03:46 AM
^^^
High maintenance gold digger

Prolly wipes her azz with silk
 ChattyKathie0922
Joined: 6/7/2017
Msg: 97
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/16/2017 4:49:34 PM
One gender is financially responsible for another gender, based on the gender? blech! Somehow that seems so obscene.

I'm a feminist. This idea goes against my very being.

ABOUT A GIFT OF FUR

First off, I would NEVER feel comfortable accepting a gift of that value from a man who clearly doesn't know me well enough to know that I don't wear animal skins. On the other hand, if he did know me well and bought the coat anyway, I would have no problem explaining why I'm bothered by receiving a gift that goes against my morals and values. Mostly, I could never accept such an expensive gift from someone that I'm certainly going to break-up with. This is based on his disgusting act of purchasing animal skins for ME!
 BigBadNIrish
Joined: 1/31/2011
Msg: 98
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/16/2017 5:57:38 PM

One gender is financially responsible for another gender, based on the gender? blech! Somehow that seems so obscene.


This reminds me of what encompass a minority and majority partner...a partnership is....a partnership can be equal partners...or it can encompass a minority partner along with a majority partner...

I seek an equal partner :))))
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 99
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Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/16/2017 6:56:01 PM
I don't know anyone that is supported by a man. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I don't personally know any women like that. All the women I know work and then come home to take care of their kids, cook, clean, so they're doing it all. For the single ladies, they all work too. I was raised to take care of myself and that's what I do. I think it's important for a woman to have her own income and be independent of a man in that way for a multitude of reasons. For any women that live differently, that's their choice, I don't really care. Everyone has to live with their choices.

In defense of my bf at that time, we worked in NYC where a high percentage of women wear fur, so it's something that he saw every day and I guess felt comfortable with. My memory is poor to remember how far along we were in our relationship, but we were well established, maybe about a year. Talking about things like that never came up. I can't recall exactly how long we were together afterwards, but it was a few years. He's generous to everyone in his world, whether it was monetary or just lending a helping hand.

Do you eat meat, do you wear leather products? Any animal by-products in things you use? That's something to think about. You can't not like fur and then take part in using any of these products.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 100
Taking a bad date to small claim court? He did “win”
Posted: 6/16/2017 11:25:13 PM
But your beaver fur is sold at a high price.

We get it
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