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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?      Home login  
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 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 101
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Anyone who'd do that, regardless of whatever rationalizations they've built up in their mind, has no self-esteem or no self-respect.


I agree w/ Siisaa

There is an old saying:

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!

 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 102
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 10:58:21 AM
^^^I thought that guy is an ex BA ?
 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 103
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 11:15:15 AM
^
No, here for the forums only!

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 104
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 11:59:11 AM


Is the person mildly attractive, very attractive, or HOT?
Is the person lousy in bed, good in bed, or great in bed?

I think that Is an important add-on that has more "pull" than gals in general want to admit (kind of like looks-matters). But, to Henry -- sure, realizing her Current lack of prospects + how hot he is + how well he can reach her to orgasm VS other guys, can make things more clear. But I don't think that she's confused about any "why" -- more like "Should I?".
I don't think it really helps her out if it's a Yes-Yes-Yes, when there's no bad-blood between them. :)

I'm answering the question based on what I would do, not you or anyone else.

Well, I understand -- and Zero wrong with that. I was just questioning the concept of where should one's self-respect take a hit. In the context of "I wouldn't date [so-and-so] -- I have some self-respect," I'd be saying anyone else would be lacking self-respect in doing the same, if in my situation.

Even the way the OP worded it "try to to get an ex back" implies that you would be chasing someone who left your ass.

True. But, no bad-blood... so maybe it's not so much "left my ass", but decided to call it off, as, I admit, it wasn't working out, and I wasn't happy either. OP would have to chime in more on this, hence me previously just giving distinctly different examples.

I don't chase any man, especially ones who left me AND are non-committal with wandering eyes.

Him being non-committal remains to be seen, but the wandering eyes, a subjective observation by she -- gave understandable fear that he may not be committal. I could think -- well, there's a reason there's no Bad blood ... at the time, we should have at least had a temporary breakup regardless.

Anyone who'd do that, regardless of whatever rationalizations they've built up in their mind, has no self-esteem or no self-respect.

In the way you describe, I Agree. My only thing is -- what about ones that are a similar take in some ways, but not quite like that? Would other situations be lacking self-respect, just because they called off the relationship, even tho there's no bad-blood?
 Naturalselection53
Joined: 1/13/2016
Msg: 105
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 12:12:40 PM

Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?

I remember, many years ago, I was dumped by someone. He told me he didnt want to leave he had to leave. I was devastated. I remember watching him walk down my driveway, wanting so badly to ask him to stay. Nothing would come out of my mouth though. I regretted that for a long time. After all these years now, I consider it divine intervention. Things happen for a reason. Now, I wouldn't consider it. When someone breaks up with you, they are already gone.
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 106
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 6:24:57 PM
Once one has been dumped and flushed you then are the problem of the city dept. of sanitation solid waste division.

Flush twice because if I dump you, or you dump me it'll be a long way back to my heart.

So in my case the answer would be no. No takebacks.... Not even on Valentines Day....
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 107
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/14/2018 7:34:03 PM
love ~ needs nourishment, or it will wither away, lose vitality ...

" every time I try to walk away, something makes me turn around and stay "

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY by the EAGLES

> turn it up ^

heart / sun
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 108
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/15/2018 4:41:10 AM
my ex came back to me last year and i rejected him, still have feelings for him but he's not the one for me (especially as he cheated on me and is still with her and thinks i wanna be his side piece, ew no).
i guess if an ex proved they could be trusted (which is really hard to do after you've proved yourself a liar) then maybe there'd be a small chance.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 109
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 12:18:29 PM
This happened to me very recently...
10 years ago I was 24 and still a virgin. I always thought that I would wait until I was with someone I loved before sleeping with him but by 24, I still hadn't met that person. There had been several guys who had shown interest in me but never anyone who I really liked. I had tried giving a few of the guys a chance because I was worried I was being too fussy but all it did was make me feel bad because I learned you can't force yourself to like someone. I finally decided to try the online dating thing and got on Plenty of Fish. Though I talked to many guys and even met a few of them, none interested me. That's when I met Ben (that wasn't really his name, just an alias I'll use for the purpose of telling my story). I really liked Ben and agreed to meet him. We met and I felt an instant connection. We slept together after our second date (I was in such a hurry to lose my v status that I didn't want to wait) and for the next month and a half we spent a lot of time togetheriWhen he asked me to be his girlfriend I was so happy and though I never told him, I really felt like I was falling in love with him. Yes, I know, I was probably just infatuated because he was my first real boyfriend and the guy I'd given my virginity to but regardless, I felt strong feelings for him. Then I went on a 7-day fishing trip without phone reception up north (I had told him we wouldn't be able to keep in contact). I missed him lots and when I finally saw him again when I got back I was so happy to see him. We went out for supper and something was off. He went to the washroom about 3 times and he looked like he was sweating but I thought he just wasn't feeling well and asked him if he was feeling ok and he said he was ok, just hot. We went back to my place, slept together then I had to go work a night shift. When I was at work he phoned me to break up, didn't give me any reason and I was devastated. I tried texting and asking why and wrote him a long email telling him my feelings. After a bit, he asked me if we could just be friends, and stupid girl that I was, I agreed because I just wanted to be around him. Of course we kept ending up in bed together. I gradually began to suspect that the reason he had broken up with me was because he had cheated on me with his ex while I was on the fishing trip. I never confronted him about it but I cut off our non-relationship. I told him I couldn't see him again because I had feelings for him and just couldn't be only friends. He kept trying to contact me and I was worried I was going to cave so I decided I needed to move on to someone else and have a rebound. First guy on Plenty of Fish who contacted me that seemed ok l, lets call him Mark, I forced myself to like. We got together and I got pregnant immediately which was something I definitely hadn't planned. Right after I found out I got an email from Ben telling me he was sorry and wanted to be with me after all. Of course, being pregnant, it was too late and it hurt so much to realize that. Mark turned out to be a real jerk but when I tried to break up with him, he scared me and I wasn't brave enough to stay broken up. We stayed together 9 years and we had 3 kids together. The whole time he was verbally abusive, yelled at me constantly, talked down to me and called me names. He was chronically unemployed too. I wanted to leave every day but fear and shame kept me from doing so. Finally he told me he'd found someone else and she moved in to our house and I moved out with the kids. After 4 months, I felt I wanted to date again (after 9 years I just really wanted to experience love) and I went on POF just to explore the idea, thinking maybe I would just chat to guys for a couple months, get some practice then eventually move onto in person dates. 4 days after signing up I was clicking on the Meet Me photos and after clicking on one photo of a guy he immediately contacted me. I hadn't recognized him but it turned out to be Ben. He's gotten out of a longterm relationship of his own 8 months earlier. We had a great conversation and agreed to meet but of course, just coming out of a longterm relationship, I was a tad nutty and I think it put him off a bit. On the third meeting I sensed he wasn't into me and after I got home I told him I couldn't see him anymore and the only words I got from him were "Yeah. You're blocked." I had myself a good cry and I've tried moving on but I like him so much. The feelings I had for him 10 years ago were still there, as soon as I saw him again I knew I felt the same. However, he broke my heart 10 years ago and I was too scared of him breaking it again. I only think that if only I hadnt reconnected with him so quickly after joining Plenty of Fish. If I'd had a few more flings or something between I might have been a little more clear-headed and ready. Now I think I'll never see him again and it tears me up inside. My advice to anyone who reconnects with an ex needs to make sure they are in a good place emotionally for it.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 110
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 12:20:51 PM
^^^ Jeezus! I'm not going to even try to read this...
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 111
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 1:45:43 PM

10 years ago I was 24 and still a virgin. I always thought that I would wait until I was with someone I loved before sleeping with him but by 24, I still hadn't met that person. ......... I finally decided to try the online dating thing and got on Plenty of Fish.

Yep, sometimes a girl's got to roll up her sleeves and get 'er done! It can be solved in no time on POF. ;)

That's when I met Ben (that wasn't really his name, just an alias I'll use for the purpose of telling my story). I really liked Ben and agreed to meet him. We met and I felt an instant connection. We slept together after our second date (I was in such a hurry to lose my v status that I didn't want to wait)

Yay (applause). Well, you guys did date for a while and went steady, but he broke up with you, but you still wanted him, you two still hung out and were friends-with-benefits... which is fine for a little while when you've Accepted the breakup, but Not fine when you can't accept the breakup. So finally, you broke off the FWB...

I told him I couldn't see him again because I had feelings for him and just couldn't be only friends. He kept trying to contact me and I was worried I was going to cave so I decided I needed to move on to someone else and have a rebound. First guy on Plenty of Fish who contacted me that seemed ok l, lets call him Mark, I forced myself to like.

Yeah, your ex liked you, but realize that he wasn't "all in". It doesn't sound like there was any real "bad guy" between you and your short-term-ex. He probably wasn't over his previous ex, and it wasn't fair to you, but still liked you, etc. Happens. We make the mistakes of still wanting them, and they make the mistake of wanting to still at least hang-out when that's too hard on us, etc. So you meet this Mark guy, and...

We got together and I got pregnant immediately which was something I definitely hadn't planned. Right after I found out I got an email from Ben telling me he was sorry and wanted to be with me after all. Of course, being pregnant, it was too late and it hurt so much to realize that. Mark turned out to be a real jerk but when I tried to break up with him, he scared me and I wasn't brave enough to stay broken up. We stayed together 9 years and we had 3 kids together.

Wow. POF drama, and then some. Yikes. Hate to sound bad, but there isn't/shouldn't be any sympathy for ya on that part. You 'forced' yourself to like a guy (it's not ok if a guy does that with a girl, but ok if the girl does it?) -- and he turned out to be a jerk, but you kept dating him anyway to have 3 kids with him for 9 years because you felt intimidating & real hurtful drama around the corner if you did in fact walk. Not enough... but also I think that's how you'd more want to believe it, even though that was an element to it. I think you wanted to have a guy as being one of the main ingredients too. You could have thwarted getting prego again and again. For that 9 years, it wasn't merely being backed in a corner -- you just knew it wasn't a good relationship, but, went thru with it anyway.

Finally he told me he'd found someone else and she moved in to our house and I moved out with the kids. After 4 months, I felt I wanted to date again (after 9 years I just really wanted to experience love)

Ouch. Yikes...

I hadn't recognized him but it turned out to be Ben. He's gotten out of a longterm relationship of his own 8 months earlier. We had a great conversation and agreed to meet but of course, just coming out of a longterm relationship, I was a tad nutty and I think it put him off a bit. On the third meeting I sensed he wasn't into me and after I got home I told him I couldn't see him anymore and the only words I got from him were "Yeah. You're blocked.

Yeah, I could see having a 2nd date, but a 3rd wasn't a good idea. Fresh off the rebound wasn't a good idea with Anyone with a "I want to experience love" mentality, when you can be a little "nutty" off the rebound. It's something that kept you with Mark, and yeah, would ruin dating experiences with other guys... so with Ben, yep, sucks. But you shouldn't have Expected to ride off in the sunset with him (or anyone else) at that point anyway.

Now I think I'll never see him again and it tears me up inside. My advice to anyone who reconnects with an ex needs to make sure they are in a good place emotionally for it.

You can re-connect with an ex with any "hope" for something romantic, if you broke up a Long time ago where it was a Situational breakup... like one always wanted/planned on moving across country, but the other one couldn't, etc. Or someone you weren't BF/GF with, but dated somewhat, but it fizzled out due to bad timing, no sour feelings. Other than that, don't let your hopes & dreams -- your "gut", your "feelings" be your unquestionable guide. It can end up digging ditches, instead.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 112
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 2:31:53 PM
Thanks for analyzing that for me. I know it was a long-winded post but it was something I just needed to say. I made a lot of mistakes and I own up to them. I think many other people on here might make the same mistake, trying to move on from a relationship before they are ready and or getting back together with an ex even though you were hurt that they broke up with you. It's a tough thing to accept, that they broke up with you for a reason. I think what makes me most upset though is that I've only ever been with one person I really cared about. And POF tends to wear you down after a while, wondering if there's someone out there for you that you can really connect with and continually meeting different guys and getting disappointed. Meeting an ex becames so tempting because at least you know you shared chemistry.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 113
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 4:30:21 PM
"Yeah, your ex liked you, but realize that he wasn't "all in"."

>>>sounds like he was in, all right :) But on a serious note, there is a desire to do things right the first time. Since we supposedly "remember our first". alas, like riding a bike, we can read all the books and watch all the videos we want, but we do things right once we've gotten experience. and of course, experience comes from a lack of knowledge :)

The real definition of success, is not doing it right the first time, but how well you recover.
 HanoverFella
Joined: 1/16/2018
Msg: 114
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 4:37:06 PM
WoW!!! Someone needs more paragraphs and less drama ..my eyyyyyyyesss
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 115
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 5:48:17 PM
Lol. Sorry. It was quite long but I hadn't written it out like that before and when I started I couldn't stop. Yes, I know it's a lot of drama and that was only the condensed version sadly. I'm really trying to avoid the drama by moving on with my life. Hopefully simpler times are in store for me.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 116
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 5:55:06 PM
.......................and Cooldog WAS the intermission !
(Between Julystorm and Norwegianguy)
Good job Cooldog!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 117
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 6:40:51 PM

It's a tough thing to accept, that they broke up with you for a reason.

And even when it wasn't the best reason, them breaking up is reason enough (in almost all types of situations) that it's not going to work out again. At best, maybe a temporary back-together, but, it's 100% best to keep it at FWB if that's what has been happening (and to leave FWB if that's 'too much').

And POF tends to wear you down after a while, wondering if there's someone out there for you that you can really connect with

It's a lot tougher when you're in love with being in love & in love with being loved. It hampers oneself of finding someone who's a great match. It becomes a handicap. A big handicap when one combines that with putting sexual relations on a big pedestal.
 DrivingHarmony2018
Joined: 2/10/2018
Msg: 118
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 8:18:37 PM

Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?


Nope....an ex is an ex for a reason.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 120
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/19/2018 8:39:22 PM

This happened to me very recently...


I tried, I really tried. I made it about 2/3rds through and folded. I think you had kids with some jerk you didn't like. I never got to the very recently part. Can you repost just the 'very recently' parts.

Paragraphs can be your friends.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 121
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/20/2018 8:06:26 AM

.......................and Cooldog WAS the intermission !
(Between Julystorm and Norwegianguy)
Good job Cooldog!



Welcome to intermission...


https://youtu.be/3tAfYSnrykQ
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 122
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/20/2018 11:00:14 AM

I tried, I really tried. I made it about 2/3rds through and folded. I think you had kids with some jerk you didn't like. I never got to the very recently part. Can you repost just the 'very recently' parts.


Long story short, yes got with a jerk (chronically unemployed, verbally abusive, lazy) who I had kids with. Kid #1 was not planned, the jerk was meant to be a rebound but I stayed with him. 9 years later he found a girlfriend and moved her into our house and I moved out.

Went on pof just wanting to get my feet wet and immediately found my ex who wanted to see me again. Of course it didn't work because I wasn't really ready for it and I acted crazy and broke up with him because insecure me thought he was going to dump me.

Basically Guy #1 who I loved dumped me and I was heartbroken so I hooked up with Guy #2 who I never wanted to be with but ended up stuck with for 9 years then when he ended things I jumped right back in with Guy #1.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 123
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/21/2018 8:26:07 AM
a little known fact ~ in Virginia, if you have broken up with a particular person, or vice versa ~ (eight ) times or more ...

by law > you must marry said person, and live happily ever after, col ( chuckle out loud )

like what the woof I say ???

* lyrics > " she believes, even if I don't "

SHE DON'T KNOW by JJ GREY & MOFRO
> turn it up ^

clockwise on the volume knob, so k ?
ps ? love the slow snare fade in & out ...

heart / sun
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 124
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Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/21/2018 10:27:26 AM

Long story short, yes got with a jerk (chronically unemployed, verbally abusive, lazy) who I had kids with. Kid #1 was not planned, the jerk was meant to be a rebound but I stayed with him. 9 years later he found a girlfriend and moved her into our house and I moved out.

Went on pof just wanting to get my feet wet and immediately found my ex who wanted to see me again. Of course it didn't work because I wasn't really ready for it and I acted crazy and broke up with him because insecure me thought he was going to dump me.

Basically Guy #1 who I loved dumped me and I was heartbroken so I hooked up with Guy #2 who I never wanted to be with but ended up stuck with for 9 years then when he ended things I jumped right back in with Guy #1.


i managed to read all of the first post, found it quite sad tbh but that was good advice on being in a good place emotionally, i think that applies to new relationships too as well as old.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 125
Would you ever try to get a ex back who dumped you?
Posted: 2/21/2018 2:01:25 PM
Probably 90-95% of the time I wouldn't. But there can be a few exceptions. Maybe a person moved away and later moved back to the area or a person used to have a crazy work schedule that it made hard for 2 people to spend a lot of time together. Or a person stopped dating to deal with a family situation.
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