Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Bait and Switch      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 26
Bait and SwitchPage 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
When those women are collecting alimony or life insurance.

Or they rent themselves.
 wunderfulguy
Joined: 1/6/2017
Msg: 27
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 2:55:18 PM
Well Russia and Uruguay are not poor countries. Tons of wealthy, educated folks there.
I am having good experiences using foreign dating sites. Yeah I could go in debt for an overpriced California crapshack but prefer investing in liquid assets that can provide as good return and not lock me into a city or place for life.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 3:35:37 PM
"When those women are collecting alimony or life insurance."

Lots of women can't/don't collect alimony or life insurance (myself included).

Lots of women pay alimony and lots of men collect life insurance.

Jealous men (of what women have earned for themselves), who just don't get it are their own worse enemies.


I have always giggled when contacted by someone a great distance away.
I figure if a person can't have a successful relationship where they live, their chances aren't going to be any better else where.
Why? Because they bring themselves along.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 29
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 3:55:41 PM
Collecting alimony or life insurance is one way to earn something I suppose.

The others are perpetually single, claiming they're invisible to men their own age when in fact they're hiding behind their assets.

It's all a farce.

Don't commit easily guys! Make her earn it!!
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 4:41:57 PM
^^^^^

Homeowner? Or renter?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 31
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 5:26:32 PM
Not having good luck until you actually meeting the women on the " international sites" They jus playing with you
When is the wedding Clooney?
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 32
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 7:37:30 PM

Don't commit easily guys! Make her earn it!!
Sounds like pretty sound advice to me...why not just have separate bank accounts and a prenup, when people get married...no risk then and women with money, won't have to worry either?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 8:51:17 PM

Woman is happy on date and full of smiles and laughter. Agree for future date. Radio silence. No message. No call. No text.

That will happen sometimes. You're Not the only guy she's talking to that she has interest in -- even if she tells a story about so many weird guys online. So given that, you'll expect some to just drop -- even though the date went OK or better. And also remember -- it's not necessarily that the date went Great. It's highly likely it was merely OK to her. And gals will say Yeah to the idea of a future date even when it's technically possible, but they're not So interested.

So I think the heart of it is you're putting too much stock in how "Grrrreeeeat!" the date went in her mind.

Men have it so bad today in this country with dating unless you are eight feet tall, full of tattoos and deal drugs.

No, that's not the case at all. :) If @37 you're going for rebellious Young cute gals out of your league but urge them you'll buy them dinner & drinks, and they come to agree and make the most of the outing with ya -- OK. I could see having a valid impression then. But unless all your dates are unusual like that -- No, that's not how gals think. You being 5'8" though is going to lack to many gals who are near your height in heels, tho. And if in actuality, you're more like 5'5.5" - 5'6" -- yeah, you're going to be running into gals more apt to disappearing after making the most out of the date, unless they themselves are really short.

I'm curious as to why the OP named this thread "Bait and Switch"...I came in expecting to read about how he met up with a woman who seemed nothing like her profile. You know...she was older, fatter and less attractive than her pics displayed kinda thing.

It's bait & switch in alleged Interest she has, not the looks she has. He got his hopes up on her interest, then they have, like, ZERO, come to find out. That's what he was referring to.

Are you implying that you were waiting for her to message, call or text you first?

There's nothing to imply a guy in his position would be waiting on her to contact him first after the date, when he's pining over a gal. :)

I think that women these days are in pure passive aggressive fear mode of men.

No, that's not it. I think you're a unique guy -- in respectable ways and all -- but not the type of a lot of gals out there, and they were being nice and all and making the most out of the dates, etc. -- and some Were *at the time* honestly thinking to give it another go -- but they just didn't have enough interest due to how you and they aren't on the same wavelength. It's not as bad as you think. If your Experiences in dating are real bad (wtf? mode) -- then you're probably unknowingly doing something to fuel that fire.
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/18/2017 10:09:13 PM


Don't commit easily guys! Make her earn it!!

Sounds like pretty sound advice to me...why not just have separate bank accounts and a prenup, when people get married...no risk then and women with money, won't have to worry either?


Why in the name of Anna Nicole Smith would a "woman with money" who is past her childbearing years want to marry? Most women with their own resources don't want to risk their security by diluting it on some wannabe self-styled "uber provider" who is still paying a mortgage and, most likely, child support.

Women who have had their own 6-figure $$$$$$ careers, may have a pension, a paid-off mortgage on a free and clear house, maybe even a getaway property, and don't want to take on the poor financial planning of someone with multiple financial encumbrances, such as alimony, a mortgage, and court-ordered child support/ college tuition.

That is why Clooney denigrates and despises women who have their own. As time marches on, he becomes less viable in the "provider" role, except to those women who see the marriage option as their only retirement plan. Along with his testosterone and his hairline, the shoreline of his dating pool recedes more with each passing year, until he is only of interest to those possessed of inadequate means of supporting themselves. In other words, he sees that, ultimately, he will be attractive only to the most desperate of women ... those who have no ability to provide for themselves. Thus, he can be sure they will be dependent on him and forced to stick around (at least until a bigger/better provider appears, as in his previous 4 marriages). After all, what else does he have to offer?
 Cowgirlwannabe1
Joined: 5/4/2017
Msg: 35
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 9:01:27 AM
ouch! though I think it may be true for many women that did marry early on for love
and were somewhat dependent on their spouse due to staying home with young kids or making only working part-time. Yes, many found it less than perfect and chose later in life to find their own means of financial independence.

if you are a man that has only a pay check to offer than yes, an indedpendent woman might be somewhat intimidating
for you will want to know what else you bring to the table
 NoxzemaWA
Joined: 2/19/2017
Msg: 36
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:07:09 AM
Woo-hoo! Fellow San Diegan here although I no longer live there.

Anyway, just because you have one good first date doesn't mean things will progress beyond that. A "great" first date is just that. With online dating, it's so easy to ghost on the other person because you have no investment in them. Online dating is akin to a human vending machine. That's one of the many reasons it's better to date someone you already know & like rather than online strangers.
 Laidbackguy1964
Joined: 4/20/2017
Msg: 37
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:33:46 AM

previous 4 marriages
4 omg...I won't even walk the isle once...can't imagine the terror of doing of 4 times...no lessons learned, after the first two times...very sad to discover this and I have sympathy for someone, who has had that much misery in their lives....don't do it to yourself again mate...it's not meant to be...
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 38
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:55:55 AM
Wunderful...

I share your sentiment with part I, but with part II, I differ.

As a fellow Californian, yes lived in LA and San Diego before too, and dated there, I’m with you. Not looking into buying, want to remain liquid for personal freedom and my career drives me to move. I appreciate the Florida beaches more, warmer water and the tax structure here is half a$$ed. Property taxes too low and income taxes too high. OK...yeah, there’s the ‘attitude’ of women here, but magnified of what is all over the country, and to some degree underscores the gender gap.

Leads to another common point, I too have found a great kinship to some foreign born women as well. Unlike you, I’m not as well traveled and don’t know foreign languages, but I keep on and read up whenever I can. For me, it is often Asian born women, who now live here, that I’ve built rewarding relationships with. They hold a reverence for men you don’t find with native white women as often. As an aside, it is often argued that the immigrant often shows more appreciation for the country while the native is born with a sense of entitlement. But, I’ll avoid going off the road too far there. Let’s get into this ‘bait and switch’ routine...

So...the first date you say is wonderful and great and then you don’t get the ‘hey baby...’ like texts before another ? You’re a big boy and have dated, I’m sure, as much as me. I’m sure you ‘hear’ the signs on the first date, but might not be listening. To me, I think it’s pretty cut and dry and I usually can judge where we’re going. Not always right, but I have a pretty good batting average. I’ve been a social events with friends, who see me talking to someone, for a long time and they ASSUME that’s dating material. It’s not. But, she was interesting, friendly and a pleasure to talk to. But, that’s where it ended.

Sometimes when people go on dates they are too interested in, they get spoofed and have trouble making the ‘...conversation flowing...’ if you will. The ease of conversation and they are ‘themselves’ can sometimes be, because they don’t have a dating interest, rather just having fun. Often after first dates, I try to cement a second date. Not just, ‘let’s do dinner’ or whatever. But rather, ‘Oh, you’re free Tuesday ? OK...Tuesday night at 8 at ‘Frankies,’ I’ll text you the address...’ Most people will know if they are free next week and interested enough to make a face to face commitment. By and large, if they can’t give you a good strait answer right then and there, they’re probably not that interested. I’m sure you can be cool enough not to push and READ the signs and move on. Sometimes I’ve gotten the ‘dear John’ text, but that’s not really necessary. Silence and closing (eHarmony type thing) but either party covers it.

Now, there is a little bit of an age qualifier I’d throw in here. Partially, based on what you have as your target; 25-45. Women under 40, particularly who don’t have kids and more so, have never been married, can be a little catawampus. They can be read as being ‘coy’ and ‘hard to get,’ but legitimately are battling a laundry of choices...’Do I look for the ONE now ? Married ? Kids ? Career ? Put that off...put what off ?!! Agh !’ Contrasted with her counterpart, over 40, divorced with kids and in some cases, already in h/s or beyond. It’s more the ‘cut to the chase’ dear.

Don’t know what kind of searches you’re doing, but give the 40 decade a run, even venture to the early 50‘s. I like younger ladies too, but I’ll be the first to say, there are some real lookers in those parts (up here too). And, not only will signs often be clear, but, you might find you are a passenger in a new journey.

For the younger ones, give them a little break. Still trying to work things out and lots of competing interests to consider. Good luck...Mr. Fantastic. :)
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 39
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 10:59:00 AM
"The key is to not get carried away.

No matter how good she looks, how hard she laughs, how much she touches your arm and looks into your eyes....always remember this one thing :


It isn't real until you ....(rhymes with truck) "




Exactly
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 40
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:01:16 PM
wunderfulguy- A lot of people aren't looking at this for what it is.............
It's about numbers/odds.
For younger forum members, their odds are much better. Because they are young, most of the people in their age range haven't married or had children yet, vastly increasing their odds of finding someone they are compatible with.
Once you (the generic you) start getting into an older age range, the odds of finding someone decrease.
A lot more people you might have matched with otherwise are taken.
So, odds are if you are above thirty, you are meeting a lot of people with at least one failed marriage. The odds of this being the case increase with age. As a matter of fact, getting close to 40, or actually being older than that, there is a distinct possibility you are going to meet people that have been divorced more than once.
No divorce is 100% on one of the people involved, but sometimes there are situations where one person is MORE at fault than the other.
At best, both people are close to being equal as to who caused the end of the marriage.
So, now you are not only looking at odds where the dating pool is smaller, now you have the added concern of trying to figure out who the good ones are that are divorced.
If you consider that half of the dating pool is eliminated by people who are taken/married, obviously that leaves the other 50% (or so).
Take the 50% that is left and subtract the bad eggs, the ones that played a larger role in the failure of their marriage.
Now the odds are worse, you are left with around 20-30% odds of finding a good person.
Facing this wasn't easy for me, either.
It's difficult to keep trying and not succeed.
At first, I took it personally. I was wondering if my radar for good men was off, or if it was me.
I know men go through the same thing.
What it takes is patience, being willing to keep trying until you finally meet someone you are compatible with and who is a decent person.
Also, there is a way to increase the odds, that is looking both online and IRL, that is what I am doing, but no luck, so far.
What am I NOT going to do?
I'm not going to settle, that never goes well.
I hope people have enough sense to stay single until they meet the right person instead of settling.
Settling usually leads to a second or third divorce.
I would rather have a root canal with no anesthesia than go through another divorce.
Also, another thing I am NOT going to do is become bitter/jaded.
That is a self defeating mindset we all see played out in some of the posts here on the forums.
Are there people out there not worth having? Yes, there are, that is true for both genders. However, there ARE good people, of both genders who ARE worth having.
I had to get myself to a place where I am happy with who I am and happy being single.
So, I'm ok with my life until I can manage to come across someone that I am compatible with and who is a good person.
That's all there is to it folks.
There is no magic way to find someone and just because you haven't yet is a pretty poor reason to decide that everyone of the opposite gender is the problem, or that where you live is the problem.
It's a numbers/odds issue, plain and simple.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 41
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:08:39 PM
"Take the 50% that is left and subtract the bad eggs, the ones that played a larger role in the failure of their marriage.
Now the odds are worse, you are left with around 20-30% odds of finding a good person."




20 - 30 % !!!

Wow, you sure are optimistic !
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 42
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:16:37 PM
Butterchickenchuck-
20 - 30 % !!!

Wow, you sure are optimistic !

Ha, Ha!
I never said I was good at math. ;) :D

Seriously though, even if I were good at statistics, I couldn't come up with an exact percentage. (Of the good people who are out there)

You might be right Chuck, it could be much worse odds.
Even if that's the case, what I said stands.
It's about the numbers/odds.
Those of us over 40 face an uphill battle.
Sad but true, it is what it is.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 43
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:33:00 PM
^^^^

I was being somewhat tongue in cheek, but I prolly wouldn't want to know what the actual percentages are, haha


Yes, the deck does get stacked more and more against you the older you get.


I'd say , if you haven't found the right one by about 28....you're pretty much screwed unless you get lucky - VERY lucky
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 44
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:38:37 PM
Butterchickenchuck- I'm not sure I would agree with 28 being the limit.
Hopefully, those in their 30's, at least early 30's, face better odds.
But yeah, over 40 and you better be ok with being single.
Not to say anyone should give up, but we have to face facts.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 45
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 12:43:24 PM
I figure the " good ones " are usually married off by about 28 , give or take, and those ones STAY married.

IOW , once the good ones are gone ?


THEY STAY GONE







In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 46
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 1:13:12 PM
Butterchickenchuck- Yes, sometimes reality sucks.
We have never met, but I hope/would like to think, I'm one of the good ones that wound up divorced in my 40's.
You seem like you are a good man.
Maybe there is SOME hope for us to find someone, at some point.
I'm trying to stay optimistic.
The only other thing we CAN do is work to make our lives as single people as good as we can.
Lot's of people live happy, productive lives and stay single.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Bait required, Switch optional
Posted: 6/19/2017 1:35:21 PM

Bait

BCC is a master at this.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 2:12:40 PM
Fishy Lady, your comments are spot on and very funny! Loved your profile, it's hysterical, as it is also a sad commentary on the available men. I see no category for anyone normal that may have divorced, because they grew apart as a couple. Do you think there are no such men?
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 49
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 2:22:41 PM
^^^
Doesn't date cheap men
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 50
Bait and Switch
Posted: 6/19/2017 2:25:37 PM
NewYorker58- Are you addressing me?
There is no one here with the screen name you just used.
I try to never assume anything.
Let me know if this is directed at me.
You'll get a response if you confirm you just called me out, I assure you.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Bait and Switch