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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.      Home login  
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 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 26
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here. Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
my last ex tried to get me back in february this year, i just laughed at him and said 'as if'. he honestly put me through a load of crap though so although i was being ****y it was justified.

thinking about it i wish i'd just asked him why he thought it was ok to do what he did to me and seemed to have no problem coming back to give me more of them same.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 27
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/17/2017 2:15:40 PM
^^^I'm Guilty. I went back for more at one time believing things would change... and they did but it only lasted about 2 weeks, then back to the same old, same old. It is part of the cycle of abuse. .. they call it the "honeymoon phase" they love bomb you and lure you back in.

http://domesticviolence.org/violence-wheel/
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 28
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/18/2017 9:11:03 AM
Any chance of getting back all of the time and money I wasted?
 forumfishonly
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 29
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/18/2017 6:37:13 PM
Thanks for being amicable and splitting everything evenly, and not asking for child support. XO
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 30
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/19/2017 9:27:14 AM
doubt i'd ever go back to an ex Penny. not even the only one i still love and wasn't abusive, the relationship feelings just aren't there any more and it takes me a while to decide to leave someone also.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 31
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/19/2017 2:03:57 PM
@ Ferine...Yes, deciding to end one very abusive relationship was difficult for me. I was conflicted and slept on the couch for a year trying to find forgiveness but I couldn't do it. I didn't even know how badly I was being abused until I got into therapy for narcissistic abuse and began to understand the tactics and motivation for a person to be treating me so badly. He was gas lighting me and I had become so familiar with being the brunt or the person who took the blame it was easy for him to turn every problem around on me. I would feel guilt and try to change for him until I realized I would never be "perfect" enough for him and he was only in love with himself. I was just convenient and someone to use.

Experts say that if and when you are planning to leave a narcissist it can be the most dangerous time. This is when abuse can escalate and it can even be deadly. I needed help when I finally decided to leave. Left with three children and very little money but I made it work. The freedom I felt and the relief was worth it. I stopped walking on egg shells and got off antidepressants, lost a lot of weight and started to become my own person again. Thank God.
 Butterchickenchuck
Joined: 9/18/2015
Msg: 32
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/19/2017 2:15:35 PM
Why do you text me out of the blue late at night with " Are you awake ? " when I'm asleep but when I text you the next day saying " I am now " you just text back " too late " but don't say why you texted ?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 33
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/19/2017 3:52:54 PM

Why do you text me out of the blue late at night with " Are you awake ? " when I'm asleep but when I text you the next day saying " I am now " you just text back " too late " but don't say why you texted ?

It was because she wanted the left side of her fridge cleaned. Duh. Does she HAVE to spell it out for you?? Pestering her about why she texted when it's that obvious is just harassment. ;)

What you could do after she texts "too late"....

Her: Too Late
You: Yeah, it's a shame you were too late. Stacy took care of me well before you texted. Ya missed the boat!
Her: What? Who's Stacy??
You: Just a nice relative of mine.
Her: Relative? Who came over to your place and slept with you?! WTF?
You: I didn't say she was a relative, you did.
Her: You JUST said she was a relative!
You: No, you said I slept with her. That I did, but we're relatives.
Her: What the hell are you talking about? I don't buy that this girl is your relative. Where did you meet her?
You: Wait, first you say she's a relative of mine, then you say she isn't. Sheesh -- can't make up your mind, can you?

That's how you harass someone. :)
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 34
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/20/2017 8:01:02 AM
i'm glad you're ok penny and got the help you needed.

i left one abusive relationship, he was still controlling afterwards and it took me years to stop him from trying to control me. i suppose now that's why i'm not too bothered about finding someone else really. would be nice but in the end it might not be worth the hassle. i take a lot of breaks between looking for somebody this past few years now. i don't trust my choices either, think my one good relationship was just down to luck really.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 35
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/20/2017 11:41:24 AM
@Feirene
After my husband died I was very vulnerable and I think Narcissists find that in a woman and use it. I was also a special needs teacher and teaching at my church and I think he used that information to "love bomb" me and then eventually to also put me down. I've learned a lot about Narcissism since and I can spot them a mile away coming. I can almost smell them. LOL.

@ Chicken and Guy.. you guys are too funny.

Some people know here that for the past nine years I have been in a FWB relationship with a focus on the friends part. Just recently I asked him to go his own way and we maintain a friendship is all. He is supporting me.

Like you Feirene I have decided to go very slow but get back out in the field and find a traditional relationship. It has provoked me to think about past relationships long term relationships that failed. I want to go in head first being able to state what I want from the first meeting or here in my profile. I have not had a date yet but searching here is fun.

I decided to create this thread because I found myself after 20/30 some odd years, some even teenage relationships there were some things I wish I had said when they failed or ended... I thought this thread may be cathartic for some. I know it has been for me.

I found a similar thread on a love advice forum and stole the idea.. I'm happy to see some great responses here! For some clarity I am not bashing men here. I take responsibility for my part in it. It's just an out for some long left over regrets and feelings.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 36
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/21/2017 11:05:41 AM

I have decided to go very slow but get back out in the field and find a traditional relationship.

Having a FWB was a good thing, although for 9 years and being (passively) tied down to that for so long wasn't the best idea... but also, I don't think locking in a certain gear to "find" a "traditional" relationship is so much either. I think you take it on a casual level, where a fling, a temporary FWB, a just-dating, and yeah, one with true Relationship potential could surface. Putting the whole "in a Relationship" concept on a pedestal and in a spotlight will only make things more unnerving, and helped to provoke thoughts of past Relationships. I think going thru a relationship but not a Relationship -- like your FWB for so many years would be good for that. But, our minds tick in different ways. :)

My only thoughts are that one just gets out there and go out on dates and such and not think about it too much... as going thru Different experiences helps truly wash away the past... and down the line, yeah, you can end up "catching" someone with true Relationship potential. Many, if not most Relationships spawn from non "hunting for one" situations anyway.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 37
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/21/2017 3:42:27 PM
Agreed. I'm not writing an agenda nor do I have a long list of criteria. I want to find someone closer to my age and someone that I could see myself in a living situation. My house is paid off and my nest is empty. I think I want someone looking for something more serious although I must say that my FWB has been one of my dearest friends and has helped me move mountains when I needed him.
I think I am going to do the searching and initiate the contacts here though. When I met him, I approached him so he had no doubts about my interest and when we finally met in person there were sparks like I hadn't felt in a long while. Being 60, getting back out in the field isn't always easy but I have joined a few groups, met new people in my fellowship and church... and then there is good old POF for potentials too.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 38
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/21/2017 4:57:45 PM
Hey Penny :) I like what you have in your profile... I am surprised you want to live with someone. Personally I think you should talk to FWB sounds like you 2 way more than FWBs :)
 JS3344
Joined: 2/12/2013
Msg: 39
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/21/2017 9:06:28 PM
If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me
Ooohh no
Baby please don't go
And if you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me
Ooohh no
Baby please don't go
Ooohh girl
I just want you to stay

A love like ours is love that's hard to find
How could we let it slip away
We've come too far to leave it all behind
How could we end it all this way
When tomorrow comes and we'll both regret
The things we said today
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 40
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/22/2017 4:49:12 PM
@ Ouija... I saw him last night. A wonderful evening. He brought me a rose. He is a sweetheart but I want someone closer to my age. I just turned 60 and my focus on what I want in a relationship is very different than a man who is 44 with two daughters. I love him and that will never change I just don't see myself with him in the future. We want different things in life even though we want each other.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 41
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/22/2017 5:17:49 PM
Then you should cut him loose.. go find what you want :)
I would have nothing to say to an ex.. Ex for reasons
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 42
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/23/2017 1:39:54 AM

I think I want someone looking for something more serious although I must say that my FWB has been one of my dearest friends and has helped me move mountains when I needed him.

From what you write after this and all (him with a rose) -- he wasn't a mere FWB, but more like a not-Too-serious, open relationship when both are single? Many times FWBs get confused with booty-calls, which they are not (big difference there). But also, FWB can be in two basic realms: (a) You're social/work group friends, but will hook up once in a while ... or (b) You're 1-on-1 friends who will hook up when both are single, which ends up being pretty much the same as casual-dating. Yours obviously sounds like (b), while even more settled in, but just avoiding getting too intertwined/serious?

As I always say, you're not what you define yourself as -- you are what you do. I know years ago on here, a guy wrote about his "FWB". They went to family functions together, trips together with the kids, he fixed her place up, slept over, etc etc. He just didn't want to be "tied down". It was like, uhhh, you guys are Dating and then some. You guys had a Relationship. It was just Open. I remember saying that just because you called it a "FWB" in the beginning, doesn't mean it's always going to be that way, nor is a "big talk" required to define things. You are what ya do, really.

Anyway, whatever one wants to call it -- sounds like it was a good idea to step away from it, and to instead spread your wings to something else. You had things locked in that it had no "off in the sunset" potential, and enjoyed it in a pseudo-single life, but I agree, being truly single (thus truly+fully open on all levels to the dating scene) is a good move.

All I'm saying is that not to put any dates or the dating scene on a big pedestal. You can only aim for guys who have the check-marks for LTR-potential (that by itself is no guarantee tho) -- but not to think about it being something on a romance channel, but just taking a more casual approach to the whole gig and not emotionally focused on "LTR Hunting" at all.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 43
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/23/2017 6:05:38 AM
Yes. Guy. I want to be completely free of any ties I have to anyone in a sexual way. I don't want to start a friendship or relationship with a new man and say... by the way I have this FWB. Ughhhh. To truly be available I have to cut him loose and treat him as an ex, like Ouija said. It's just hard to give him up as a friend.
 Non-conformist
Joined: 12/15/2012
Msg: 44
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/24/2017 4:22:32 PM
I am sorry to have hurt you by breaking up with you. Also sorry for unfriending you on FB. Dumpers hurt as much as those we left behind. I am as hurt as you are and not sure if I should move on forward or going back to us. It breaks my heart to see you struggling to maintain contact with me via text each weekend. I can't tell you to continue or stop, as either suggestion from me would hurt you further. I do miss you and us, A LOT!
 dpwesu
Joined: 3/25/2013
Msg: 45
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/29/2017 10:38:29 AM
You are gone......please......STAY GONE!!!!!!
 forumfishonly
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 46
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 8/29/2017 12:52:49 PM

I am sorry to have hurt you by breaking up with you. Also sorry for unfriending you on FB. Dumpers hurt as much as those we left behind. I am as hurt as you are and not sure if I should move on forward or going back to us. It breaks my heart to see you struggling to maintain contact with me via text each weekend. I can't tell you to continue or stop, as either suggestion from me would hurt you further. I do miss you and us, A LOT!


Holy for head games, no wonder the guy is struggling !!!
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 47
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 9/3/2017 2:45:03 AM
Your psycho new girl friend, that you cheated on me with, that you don't like, but keep shagging and got pregnant within a month of us splitting up, ringing me up to "lay claim on you" and have a go at me, a year after we broke up... Not cool dude. So not cool. You made a bad choice there... again...

Oh and for the love of small animals just send my damned shirt back. I drove down to you to give your stuff back and the least you could do is just pop it in the damned post. I love that shirt and it shows off my boobs really well, I want to go back out on the pull and find a drama free happy guy that I can enjoy life with. I also do not want you keeping that little "momento" of me...

I want out. Quit trying to be in.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 48
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Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 9/4/2017 1:41:52 PM
When we met you always told me I was gorgeous. When we broke up you said I got hit with an ugly stick....



I wish I had said... The whole damn tree fell on you!
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 49
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 9/5/2017 7:18:12 PM

Any chance of getting back all of the time and money I wasted?
and my sex toys and intimate items you use on the new woman you can't physically satisfy lol don't want any answer- just send the check- keep the toys you need em, oh that's right you fire bombed my mailbox! oh well sh*t in one hand-potential in the other, which one actually fills up...
 6jellybeans
Joined: 7/1/2015
Msg: 50
Have Something to Say to Your Ex? Say it Here.
Posted: 9/6/2017 1:18:12 PM

When we met you always told me I was gorgeous. When we broke up you said I got hit with an ugly stick....


Urgh Penny I hate it when people come out with pathetic put downs to try and make you feel bad. Just goes to show how weak they are... That one needs to stay in the pond until it grows the hell up.
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