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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 26
Dating sure has changed , shallow women Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
"IgorFrankensteen:after years of observation, I've realized that the actual definition of the word "shallow" is, "someone who doesn't want me for real reasons I can't do anything about, who I therefore want to insult, to make my ego feel better."

>>>an interesting observation, b/c I think it requires the accuser to have a sense of shallowness and depth. Otherwise they'd choose another word, some variety of "jerk". Some of us might accuse another person of shallowness b/c THEY don't have the Depth WE have. WE measure them according to US. Shallowness is relative to what we want/need to get from them. But what if we measure their depth compared to other people we know? Does that make us better able to decide accurately, that they are indeed shallow? Or do we wait until a demand is placed on that person, observe their reaction, and judge based on that? B/c of course, we may be the one making the demand on that person.

"I don't get all these men who can't ever get a date"

>>>i'll confess, my standards are high, I asked out so many as a kid that I don't bother anymore, and I don't involve alcohol on the date. I think for some people, there's dates, and then there are...good dates :)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 27
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/11/2017 9:50:51 AM

gtomustang
"I don't get all these men who can't ever get a date"

>>>i'll confess, my standards are high, I asked out so many as a kid that I don't bother anymore, and I don't involve alcohol on the date. I think for some people, there's dates, and then there are...good dates :)


Gto, if you “self limit”, then you are by definition limiting yourself and your chances of success. If what you’re doing doesn’t work, then for god’s sake, CHANGE WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

When I restarted my single life, more than 7 years ago, I dealt with a lot of failure, a lot of rejection. It took me quite a while to find what would work for me. You have to keep trying different things, different approaches, different angles. There are almost unlimited possibilities, hell, there are 579 million people in North America alone, and more than half of them are women. And every one of those women is a different person, a unique individual who will respond to a different approach.

Did you ever join Meetup and try going to some events?

ON EDIT: Have you tried looking a little older? You’re what, late 40’s if I recall correctly, I can’t get to the dating site here from work so I can’t check that. I have met (and dated) some very good looking women in their early to mid 50’s. I mean VERY good looking, the kind of women who could easily date men much younger if they wished. The kind of looks that any man would be proud to have on his arm when he goes out and meets with his friends.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 28
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/11/2017 7:15:39 PM

What I still don’t get are all of these men on here who can’t ever get a date. It ain’t that tough, it really really ain’t.


It is, take my word for it.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 29
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/11/2017 9:42:40 PM
^^^^ When a man with a desk job making a salary with benefits says "Getting a job is easy", he is NOT wearing the other man's shoes.

It is NOT easy for everyone. It's easier if you're tall. It's easier if you're rich. It's easier if you own a car, a house, have friends who talk you up to all their fashion model friends.

The average guys doesn't have all these power-ups. When the average guy hears a date order steak & lobster, he's wondering how many days he'll be eating jam sandwiches to compensate, or if it better to duck out and spare his budget. These are REAL issues.

We can give tips all day and night, but we cannot guarantee which will be effective for anyone. One man's gaze of sincerity is interpreted a creepy leer on another man's face.

Myself, I've had failure, success, luck, and total disaster...I have been lured in and shot down, lived in the Friend Zone, polite "no"s and angry "Hell No"s. I've been set-up, set-back, pushed-back, and luckily not back-handed. I've been honest, silent, goofy, intellectual, hopefull, given dozens of blind dates a chance and still been stood-up.

You might even say - "You can't win if you don't play"....but I've been lucky to have been asked out unexpectedly, too. Even that wasn't easy. I wish guys the best of luck, but there are no guarantees, and I would never say it's easy.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 30
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/12/2017 9:46:43 AM
^
When the average guy hears a date order steak & lobster,
a friend of mine had a OLD meet she drove, paid etc. he ordered a full rack of ribs took pics of it posted it on facebook, while they were on date, when the bill came he was like wow that was costly. lol
and they were not a match in her eyes as
One man's gaze of sincerity is interpreted a creepy leer on another man's
her words were " he was looking at me like a piece of steak- he was going to chew up and swallow"- she was even disturbed by the insinuating sic way he licked his fingers, as many do when eating ribs. lol too funny Aintnodeal.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 31
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/12/2017 2:45:25 PM
^^^ OMG - Never heard of a rib-burgler before.
One of my worst dates ever was with a woman who pretty much at a full meal with her fingers and was licking and smacking the whole time. I bowed out immediately after paying the check and she chased me to my car and cursed at me because I didn't try to take her home.

Even then - I wouldn't call her shallow - she just wasn't my type.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 32
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/12/2017 3:29:13 PM

I don't get all these men who can't ever get a date"


I was able to get a fair amount of dates on Match. Not as much on POF. My biggest stumbling block ( like many other people ) was getting a second date. Which can be difficult due to multiple reasons.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 33
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/12/2017 4:08:20 PM
Henry, part of my problem, and it may be the problem of other men and women, is that I'm not looking to date just to date. By that, I mean I can go out on my own, and enjoy my own company. So if i'm going to wait for someone else's schedule to sync with mine, drive an hour or whatever to pick them up, bring them to the event, pay their way since i'm the gent...they better not be a drag. Know what I mean? There may be 579 million in America, but few of them live near me. The last 4 relationships I had, I searched the country b/c I had my father's 250,000 frequent flier miles to cash in. That worked. But i'm not interested in traveling like that anymore. I've asked out women since they were girls, and I tried different ways, and i'm sure there may be a different way to ask them out now. But, and this is a big but, for me....the only women who ever said yes, were the ones who came onto me first. They were interested, so when I did ask, it was just to do the obvious. But asking women who hadn't shown an interest? Well, they didn't show an interest b/c...they weren't interested in the first place. admittedly, I haven't first approached women I wasn't physically attracted to, but I have dated women I wasn't initially physically attracted to, but they showed an initial interest.

But back to my first point. When I moved out of my parents' place at age 18 and had my own pad with no roomie, I was out in the countryside and so, having someone to go dancing with, was a worthy pursuit. I think that mindset is probably better for dating, compared to some of us older folks who have a house we want to personalize (and who else is willing to garden with us on a date, the way we want to arrange the flower beds?) and probably a set group of interests we like. Some of us, for example, might be spending our Mondays at the sewing circle, or Fridays at the Y with our volleyball team. If what we like to do with our spare time, is something we can really do ourselves, and by now we're set in the way we like to do it (what time we leave, where we grab a bite to eat, etc), we may already have a buddy we've chosen by now to spend that time with. I just helped an old friend do her yard today, she took me to a nice BBQ place for lunch, and mentioned how she just had to change churches b/c the old one shut down, and how that's affected the social circle she had going.

I would hesitate to label it all, "a rut". Sometimes I think dating is like an expensive material item--we really want it, but do we want it enough to work for it? Maybe for some, "dating" was easier 20 years ago when all they had to do was show up at a party where the girls were drunk--they didn't worry about things like home ownership b/c what the heck did they have? I did look at the Meetups, thank you for suggesting that, but I didn't find anything that really sparked me, and I know from experience, when I go to an event I wouldn't prefer to go to alone, I stick out like a sore thumb...b/c i'm not there for that reason, i'm there to meet a woman, and that's like a neon sign on the forehead that says, "RUN AWAY" :)

I have noticed older ladies who look quite attractive, and around here...that means they have high standards. They're looking for a man who is good looking. Can't blame them for that one. They're in high demand, they might as well aim high. Perhaps in gym crazy LA or another place like that, its a different ratio. But out here, a woman who maintains her figure isn't with a fellow who lives and eats differently than that, unless they're married. or prefer guys with certain personalities. Trust me, I've asked 'em :)

I will agree, there are fellows who have better luck. Not to sound like i'm making excuses, but attractive fellows will do better. Men who hate to be alone will be more successful, b/c they'd rather be trying to get a date than be alone. I'd rather be alone than find out I just paid for poor company. Salesmen also have natural talent :) Admittedly, I don't like banging my head against the wall, even tho I know its necessary. Having 100 women shoot me down doesn't feel like a fun way to spend a week, but that's the odds one has to play. And, not to beat the dead horse, but i'm not going thru that to find out she sucks the life out of things :)
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 34
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/12/2017 6:49:48 PM
LOL, you cannot be serious.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 35
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/14/2017 3:01:04 PM


compared to some of us older folks who have a house we want to personalize (and who else is willing to garden with us on a date, the way we want to arrange the flower beds?)

I agree, working on your flower beds is not dating. But if you find the right person to have a relationship with, she very well may enjoy working with you on your flower beds. You just have to find the right woman, and establish a relationship first. Hard? Yes. Impossible? No.



I did look at the Meetups, thank you for suggesting that, but I didn't find anything that really sparked me, and I know from experience, when I go to an event I wouldn't prefer to go to alone, I stick out like a sore thumb...b/c i'm not there for that reason, i'm there to meet a woman, and that's like a neon sign on the forehead that says, "RUN AWAY" :)

Many, not all, but many of the Meetup events I go to are intended for “singles”. And everyone there is looking and hoping to meet someone of the opposite sex. So you don’t stick out, you are the same as everyone else.


I have noticed older ladies who look quite attractive, and around here...that means they have high standards. They're looking for a man who is good looking. Can't blame them for that one. They're in high demand, they might as well aim high.

I think that’s true anywhere and everywhere, the attractive women have a wide range of choices. But I have found that women in their 50’s are very often looking for something more than looks. They have had their flings with the handsome bad boys, and while they like to laugh and have fun, they are looking for someone with a little more depth.


Having 100 women shoot me down doesn't feel like a fun way to spend a week, but that's the odds one has to play

Gto, you know better than that, why am I having to tell you? If you send 100 messages, and get no replies, you were not “shot down”. They did not reject you, and you know better.

Get your butt in gear, go to some Meetups for singles where there is music and dancing. If you can dance (and we already know you can), there will be many more women than men, and they will want to dance, and they will not turn you down when you ask them to dance. Once you show your moves on the dance floor (and they don’t have to be great moves, just adequate will do), then you won’t even need to ask the women to dance. Just stand around by the dance floor and they will come up and ask you. I am not exaggerating, it will happen, you just have to give it the chance.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 36
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/14/2017 3:11:06 PM

.............women in their 50’s are very often looking for something more than looks. They have had their flings with the handsome bad boys, and while they like to laugh and have fun, they are looking for someone with a little more depth.


Well Hallelujah, Amen, and pass the peas. !!!!!!!!!!!
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 37
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/14/2017 5:33:52 PM

Get your butt in gear, go to some Meetups for singles where there is music and dancing. If you can dance (and we already know you can), there will be many more women than men, and they will want to dance, and they will not turn you down when you ask them to dance. Once you show your moves on the dance floor (and they don’t have to be great moves, just adequate will do), then you won’t even need to ask the women to dance. Just stand around by the dance floor and they will come up and ask you. I am not exaggerating, it will happen, you just have to give it the chance.


Oh. Umm, hey ace, nothing like that exists around here. If it did happen, I go. But it doesn't, so I won't.
 IBup4it
Joined: 6/15/2017
Msg: 38
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/14/2017 5:44:43 PM
There is here a little drive but men out number women 20-1 there and believe me the majority of women are not worth that drive.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 39
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/14/2017 7:30:05 PM
"If you find the right person to have a relationship with, they may very well enjoy working around your house"

>>>Ironically, I have a long time friend who had few hobbies, so she was always great to call up on short notice and say, "hey, I'm checking out some new event, want to tag along?" Now she's 60, has a different work schedule, and is home by 2pm and in bed before dinner...and much of our hanging out time is me going to her place and helping her do things around her place! But then my schedule is flexible and I just got this house a few years ago, so i'm probably different than others as far as what I want to do around the place and why. The thing is, I don't begrudge a woman who will change her life to do what a guy does. Those were women I used to meet. They found out I like car shows, suddenly they're going with me, and then when they break up with me, I never see them at a car show again. It is, frankly, convenient to find women like that to date. But what I run into lately are, human beings who are interested in doing their own thing, and if it corresponds with what I am doing, then they're available.

which I guess is a nice way to say, self centered. From the complaints around here, its not unusual. Which brings me back to the question, "do I really want to pay to take out a self-centered person? I could have more fun on my own." I'm sure there is a good person out there somewhere, I just don't feel like kissing all the frogs to find my prince, er, princess. I'd rather have fun. When I was in grade school, I flirted like crazy b/c it was fun. Now I would do it for a goal, and my mindset is typically, "if at first you don't succeed..that's b/c you're doing it wrong. Stop and figure out a way that works." :) I get what you mean about getting shot down, but the reality is, I invested, and did not get a rate of return. I could have used that time and energy elsewhere, to greater rate of return.

I took another look at meetup, the last time it was basically social groups who sat down to talk, already knew each other (sometimes being the new blood is good, and other times...), and ironically, met during my car shows :) But that season of shows is coming quickly to an end, so I can invest time (they're about 45 minutes away) in some of the meetups before the snow flies, and give 'em a spin. I personally, tho, have to not walk in there looking to get a date. even if others are there with the same intent, experience tells me that, to quote a movie, "desperation is the world's worst cologne" :) It seems when I put the most effort into looking, is when I guess I scare people off the most. I figure we all get that.

when I used to go clubbing, it was always with female friends, so sometimes someone else would want to dance...typically the type who wanted to move in on some girl's guy :) But, I can see where at a regular dance, there will be women wanting to dance, and that will be nice. how that migrates into a date will be up to me, i'm sure.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 40
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 7:52:11 AM


Oh. Umm, hey ace, nothing like that exists around here. If it did happen, I go. But it doesn't, so I won't.

Then move. If you live in BFE, and there are no women, and you want a woman, then ….



There is here a little drive but men out number women 20-1 there and believe me the majority of women are not worth that drive.

See my advice to the poster above you. If you live where there are no available women, and you aren’t willing to move (or at least travel), then quit complaining. You made your choice, now live with it.



But, I can see where at a regular dance, there will be women wanting to dance, and that will be nice. how that migrates into a date will be up to me, i'm sure.

The average woman likes to dance. Much more so than the average man. Hell, the world is full of men who don’t dance, at all, and many more who will only do it reluctantly. If you’re willing to get up on the floor and dance, and do it willingly, and happily, with a smile on your face – you’re already halfway home!
 Canandaigua_Momma
Joined: 12/16/2015
Msg: 41
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 8:02:38 AM
aintnodeal and ohenryx both have great writing style!
They are both very likely equally as fun in real life.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 42
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 9:39:04 AM
GTO wrote in part:
. The thing is, I don't begrudge a woman who will change her life to do what a guy does. Those were women I used to meet. They found out I like car shows, suddenly they're going with me, and then when they break up with me, I never see them at a car show again. It is, frankly, convenient to find women like that to date. But what I run into lately are, human beings who are interested in doing their own thing, and if it corresponds with what I am doing, then they're available.

which I guess is a nice way to say, self centered




So GTO, not to cherry pick or take things out of context, but you seem to be saying that when YOU do things that you enjoy---YOUR own thing---that it's perfectly fine, and the 'way of things'---but if a woman pursues her own interests 'does her own thing' ---then she is 'self-centered'?

And that was your NICE way of putting it? I shudder to imagine what your 'not nice' way of describing a woman who is living her own life, doing things she enjoys is...
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 43
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 10:15:38 AM
Henry wrote:

The average woman likes to dance. Much more so than the average man. Hell, the world is full of men who don’t dance, at all, and many more who will only do it reluctantly. If you’re willing to get up on the floor and dance, and do it willingly, and happily, with a smile on your face – you’re already halfway home!
Correct. A guy who dances ....and can carry a fun conversation, and isn't ugly...is on 2nd base....maybe even third base. And getting to home plate really depends on whether the woman, or her friends will block your c*ck...er...or home plate.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 44
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 10:19:23 AM
Somebody wrote:

What I still don’t get are all of these men on here who can’t ever get a date. It ain’t that tough, it really really ain’t.
Most of the time, it really comes down to effort. Those men who are willing to put themelves out there, to take risks, join groups, etc. etc. will have more success. I'd be willing to bet those men who have trouble don't try too hard, or are waiting for the perfect situation to be presented, or the perfect woman to come into their everyday life. Most of the time, that ain't gonna happen. Especially when you're older.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 45
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 10:44:47 AM

They have had their flings with the handsome bad boys,


they are looking for someone with a little more depth.


Like the thread title says....."shallow women".

Not interested in sloppy seconds.

Let the "handsome bad boys" make a commitment to them and take care of them for life.

I want someone with better standards.


then you won’t even need to ask the women to dance. Just stand around by the dance floor and they will come up and ask you. I am not exaggerating,


Yes, you are exaggerating.

I have been out dancing at singles dances and nightclubs hundreds of times in my life.

I won't even use up all the fingers on both hands counting the number of times a woman has come up to me first and asked me to dance.


and they will not turn you down when you ask them to dance.


Oh yes, they will.

I have heard just about every excuse in the book.


You just have to find the right woman,


Just like I have to pick the right 6 numbers on the lottery ticket.
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 46
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 10:58:16 AM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-6PnsnBpQE
Yes shallow men and women exist, if it is not your cup of tea leave it be..I really do not believe this is a phenomena that has changed- always has been shallow - people even marry both men and women for superficial"benefits" so big deal- it is not a male problem in society. It is an overarching problem in our commodification culture.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 47
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 11:21:51 AM

If you’re willing to get up on the floor and dance, and do it willingly, and happily, with a smile on your face – you’re already halfway home!


I would venture to say even more than halfway. A lot of guys seem to underestimate just how effective it can be in terms of doing nearly all the work for you. Most dance music is in 4/4 time (although there's 3/4 waltz) and anyone who is physically capable of walking can sidestep their way through it, so there's no need to learn any advanced moves. The dance floor is a place where women are generally unafraid to be a lot more forward than usual.

In fact, although I am almost certain he would probably never go for it, this is exactly where someone like HawkingJr needs to be. Find somewhere with a beachside dance floor, rip the shirt off and let loose. F*ck modesty. He would be in just the right setting to show the physique off.

Bottom line - being on the dance floor will do 10x more for you with meeting women than sitting at a table with your chin resting on the palm of your hand the whole night.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 4/3/2017
Msg: 48
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 11:43:38 AM
^^^Gads...I can remember taking dance lessons when I was in elementary school.
I remember this box like thing..back a step, sideways, forward a step...sideways...on
and on until the music stopped. Then there was the bunny hop (!!) and the cha cha.

I like to get on the dance floor.
I'm one of those people that has zero farks to give and will pretty much do whatever
I want...so yeah...I'll dance even though some people think I'm goofy. What have I
got to lose? Besides a hip I suppose.....hahahaha!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 49
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/15/2017 12:24:27 PM

I like to get on the dance floor.
I'm one of those people that has zero farks to give and will pretty much do whatever


This is another thing that works to a guy's advantage. By merely being out there, he's already showing he has balls and has a "don't give a f*ck" attitude. Anyone who thinks that doesn't play a massive role in attraction is out of their mind.

However, I wouldn't recommend hitting a dance floor with just a few people on it your first time around, though. Self-consciousness will eat you alive and you will not have fun. I made the mistake of letting a woman drag me out on one that wasn't very populated my first time around at a wedding reception, and I turned into a f*cking flagpole. I gave it another shot at a huge club on Disney property months later with a packed floor, and I was fine.
 aintnodeal
Joined: 4/10/2016
Msg: 50
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DANCE or DIE
Posted: 9/15/2017 2:03:43 PM

I have been out dancing at singles dances and nightclubs hundreds of times in my life. I won't even use up all the fingers on both hands counting the number of times a woman has come up to me first and asked me to dance.


I went to dance clubs frequently all through the 90s. I danced from 9pm - 1am. I usually danced with a few women a night. There were some that were regulars that I always danced with. A dated some of them.

Being a dancer will definitely get you NOTICED ... but it's not an automatic date. Some women will just watch, but they will NOT approach, and they will NOT agree to dance, because they are shy, or don't think they are "good enough" to dance with you.

I met a woman at a club and dated and lived with her for over 3 years. The very first time I asked her to dance, she said "NO." I found out much later that she'd been watching me a lot - I didn't have a clue.
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