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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
Dating sure has changed , shallow women Page 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
"Yeah, but those aren't Dates. That's friend-zone outings."

>>>I agree, and that's why I claim I haven't been on a date in 14 years. these outings are no different than if I was with a guy. Part of my problem (at least out here) is any woman who could make a fellow tingle, got married a decade ago for the purpose of children. I never wanted kids, so I wasn't on the hunt for a marriage partner back then, and later I was busy caretaking for my parents. This is a town/area with a median income of $100K, so stereotypes aside, finding a male provider...ain't hard. There's just enough to choose from, considering the amount of married couples in town. Whatever one defines as a good guy, they are out here for an attractive woman who offers a lot, to find (and honestly I believe that's true in a lot of places). Now, some of them do get divorced, but a big house and 2 kids aren't easy on the average pay of a female, so of course they don't want to be single long. And of course as well...they have male friends. What woman with a lot to offer, lacks friends? She won't take years to find another fellow...likely thru events both of their kids are doing :)

Being cozy in my comfort zone is bad when there's a better alternative out there, i'll agree to that. Potential rejection wouldn't bother me if it happened less than 80% of the time. When I have to plug away daily for 5, 10, 14 years before I find a woman who is interested in me, and I might have to accept the fact that she's cheating on someone just to get her...that ain't a batting title :) No exaggeration, the last 3 women to express interest in the last decade was a married coworker telling her friends who she'd date if she was single, an engaged coworker who I was ignoring so I was "harmless" while every other guy was drooling over her, and someone else who was engaged. so I can attract the bored wives, but i'd rather not go down that path for a zillion reasons.

As for the prior suggestion of moving to where the singles are, well, that "success" was when I lived in a city, and now i'm back in my small home town, the pattern of attraction hasn't changed a whole lot. Wives who get taken for granted, may have been intrigued about my stories of going out many nights a week and thought I would be a good date. Whatever else they thought I might be, I have no idea. Location doesn't change human nature, at least to my experience. Attractive women want attractive men (why not?), batshit women will lower their standards :) Chances are, "There's someone out there for me", and i'll have to proverbially kiss a lot of frogs to get to her. I just have to get psyched about getting kicked in the balls long enough to find that needle in the haystack (no offense to the guys who date a lot, I give you credit..but you do have a lot of complaints about the amount of failures you find in your ability to go out there and try the odds. some have seemed to have gotten bitter this summer over it). Or I can enjoy my comfort zone, lol.

"GTO, I would suggest you go dutch"

>>>you have a good point, and I do that with my best friend, a female. She covers her end when she can, for the reason every other woman who does so has told me--so as not to let a fellow think she's on the dessert menu, and also, as a friend, she doesn't want to hose me. She did have her ex bf come over to fix something at her house, and somehow a "happy ending" was given in payment, even tho she said she was done with him. But I can enjoy her company, we're basically on the same page with a lot of conversation issues...tho she calls me every day, and honestly, we do start to run out of things to say, so i'd love it if she'd call every few days, lol.

Half my relationships have been with women I didn't find initially attractive. Sometimes I was in the mood, other times, not, and of course that's pretty demonstrable. so, admittedly, I aim high now. In the past, I got away with it b/c I spend time with those people (in school etc) and I grew on them. Or they wanted a warm body to get them thru winter snow, and dumped me for apparently a summer romance. I don't spend as much time around females so that they get to know me and decide to take a chance b/c I will keep it a secret or b/c I go out often and will take them (ie, some complain all their bfs do it take them to bars and get drunk, or just Netflix and chill).
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 78
Bowing
Posted: 9/19/2017 12:48:16 PM

Denigrating a woman and her experiences of dating...behind her back.


Get out of here with this sanctimonious horseshit. I bet you had no objections to her ripping all of her dates apart behind their backs on the forums, did you?? What was that you were saying about hypocrisy, again?? Furthermore, I addressed her plenty when she was here.


The more it bothers you....the less apt I am to show you my picture or disclose who I may be.


I couldn't give a shit less whether you reveal yourself or not. I'm just reminding you of what a coward you are. Coward.


Carry on....done with hanging myself.


Fixed that for you.
 MizPurl
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 79
Bowing
Posted: 9/19/2017 2:47:36 PM
Pfft....Your two inch penis is showing....
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 80
Bowing
Posted: 9/19/2017 3:25:52 PM
Shut the f*ck down yet again. Way to go, genius.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 81
view profile
History
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/19/2017 4:59:16 PM

I agree, and that's why I claim I haven't been on a date in 14 years. these outings are no different than if I was with a guy.

Ehhh, not QUITE so much, 'cause you don't only go dutch with just A guy friend of yours, right? But yes, you're not going out on dates -- more like date simulations as just friends. I can understand paying for a female friend if you're having to convince her to come out ("I need to bring a gal to this thing, help a brother out; my treat") -- or she's financially in some woes among other things and you're like, "Hey, I'll take you out downtown next Friday, as you need to get out of the house once in a great while." But it should be in the same sense of having a guy friend, basically.

This is a town/area with a median income of $100K, so stereotypes aside, finding a male provider...ain't hard.

Yeah, but in places where it's good to find a gal, it's also ain't hard to find a guy. I'll believe you tho, generally speaking, that yours isn't an Ideal dating area for a guy. But there's places where people are taller than average, and it's not ideal for shorter guys... or places where they're more slender than average and it's not ideal for out-of-shape guys, etc. That basically translates into it being understandable a particular guy's going to go thru larger gaps of time to find a quality date. But 14 years? :) No.

What woman with a lot to offer, lacks friends? She won't take years to find another fellow...likely thru events both of their kids are doing :)

Ehhh, there's some women with a lot of looks to offer and/or is just fine financially who is busy with kids and work/errands and such, that they're a far cry from a social butterfly.

so I can attract the bored wives, but i'd rather not go down that path for a zillion reasons.

There's bored separated or recently divorced ones -- and for the sake of a date and mutually taking the casual approach, it beats outings with female friends when that's been done quite a lot. And those are just one demographic. Ones online, too.

As for the prior suggestion of moving to where the singles are, well, that "success" was when I lived in a city, and now i'm back in my small home town, the pattern of attraction hasn't changed a whole lot.

You're totally within non-long driving range of more populated areas. You don't have to restrict yourself to your town's borders. :) But yeah, basic concepts of attraction don't change where you're at. But I think the point is feasibility. I could go to some small town in the middle of Southern Illinois, surrounded by corn fields for miles and miles, or Vegas. Dunno. What are my chances for getting to 2nd base with a gal in each? The same? ;)

I just have to get psyched about getting kicked in the balls long enough to find that needle in the haystack (no offense to the guys who date a lot, I give you credit..but you do have a lot of complaints about the amount of failures you find in your ability to go out there and try the odds.

Well, it's not about finding a needle in the haystack-or-bust. You could start with gals you don't find all that attractive for "practice runs" -- but still not clearly Unattractive. Gets your morale up. Then you go for casual situations -- gals on-the-rebound, where no, you naturally Aren't wanting to plot out any potential LTR or anything. Stuff like that. Gets the ball rolling, and makes you better at finding a gal, down the line, who is datable. Or at least more girls in fun situations. But sure, you're going to get some drama stuff. Oh well. Turn lemons into lemonade, I say. :)

Being cozy in my comfort zone is bad when there's a better alternative out there, i'll agree to that.

I think that's your main thing, as it is with most in situations kinda like your own. The comfort zone of being "blah" to dating or pursuing it also gets guys who can without too much effort get reasonably cute gals -- end up with bad ones (who end up initiating things on him).

Potential rejection wouldn't bother me if it happened less than 80% of the time. When I have to plug away daily for 5, 10, 14 years before I find a woman who is interested in me, and I might have to accept the fact that she's cheating on someone just to get her

Well, batting .200 isn't bad in the field of dating. But even batting like a pitcher does in the National League -- like .080 -- it's worth it. Under 10% of the time, but oh well. If you hit the demographics that you're at least within some range of her 'league' -- and Want to (more end up appearing that way; yeah, magic, I know) -- AND you brush up on how to attract women in-that-way & carry yourself in the dating scene, which is actually Good for guys who have hung their gloves for many years -- you won't be batting poorly enough to override your occasional successes (which will carry far more weight).

But that comes back to the cozy-in-comfort-zone. You could get a slightly-above-average looking Joe @30 years old with no kids and decent living, etc -- and his comfort-zone lock from dating ends up making him not dating for a good while, but ending up at some point after many months single, with a gal he could do better. So it's not in his interest either. Changing one's comfort zone can not just get to more results and not leaving the gloves hung on the wall when it comes to dating -- but for many, getting Better results than their virtual doppleganger who is doing "par" as far as societal expectations & results. Being out of it for 14 years -- or heck, even 2 years -- can end up shifting one's mindset on what It Is, and not for their best interests.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 82
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/19/2017 8:50:49 PM

The younger generation listens mostly to rap music. Do people actually dance to rap music? I don't hang out at clubs where the clientele is barely the legal drinking age, so I have no idea about what they would dance to.


Depends on the club. When I went to clubs in the late 1990's and 2000's, some places would play a certain music genre on Friday and a different music genre on Saturday. Other clubs would have multiple rooms that each play different types of music. One room would play rap, a second room would play top 40 / pop music, a third room would have techno and house music, and maybe a fourth room would play relatively older music from the 1980's.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 83
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/19/2017 9:02:47 PM
Yep, you got it right, the ladyfriends I spend time with, are not well off financially. They were used to getting by on their figures, and apparently the Barbie lifestyle costs more when guys aren't running in to help :) Alas, age is an equalizer.

In a 14 yr dry spell, I went from living out in the sticks but near a college, to living in a city near a university, to moving back to my hometown of farmland and Yuppies. Cities should have better ratios of success, since there's density of population, but a lively city also does better than one in an economic downturn. They attract different types of people with different attitudes on life. I'm sure there are single moms out there too busy with kids and a job to be social butterflies, but as a few men have pointed out here..."women who put their kids first aren't great relationship material". I mean, how many times has someone come here to complain a partner isn't giving them enough attention, and our knee jerk response is:

"ditch him/he's not interested/he's seeing someone else"?

As for using "less attractive women" as my training wheels...those ARE the women who are shooting me down :) That's the head scratcher. Maybe after 14 yrs I have the scent of desperation :) I'd say its the fact I take no for an answer, except I've tried not to with some ladies, and even that didn't matter. The rebound gal, the proverbial one night stand that is really just a booty call, I've tried those, those were the relationships I explained in a prior post. They didn't create magic that made me attractive to other women. approaching women is like flipping a coin--the odds remain the same regardless of what happened in the past. Either a woman finds you physically attractive, or she's drunk enough or desperate enough at the moment to find you good enough for sex, or she does not.

Of course, there are certain women who get into relationships quickly, and for all the wrong reasons. I suspect the type of woman who overlooks physical appearance, b/c she has Daddy issues to work on, or b/c she wants a guy she can change, or she wants a jerk who isn't gushing over her, doesn't find me the flawed type of man she hops into bed with. I just don't play Daddy, I can't be conned into spending a lot of money on a gold digger, i'm too laid back to be difficult to work with, I don't do arguments that lead to anger sex, I don't drink, i'm not a thug, I have to work at PUA games like showing disinterest or negging, and I don't withhold emotions. So while other guys can get lucky with these type of women, its likely these type of women see me and realize i'm just straightforward and not tolerant of their BS.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 84
view profile
History
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/20/2017 8:59:23 AM


As for using "less attractive women" as my training wheels...those ARE the women who are shooting me down :) That's the head scratcher. Maybe after 14 yrs I have the scent of desperation :) I'd say its the fact I take no for an answer, except I've tried not to with some ladies, and even that didn't matter. The rebound gal, the proverbial one night stand that is really just a booty call, I've tried those, those were the relationships I explained in a prior post. They didn't create magic that made me attractive to other women. approaching women is like flipping a coin--the odds remain the same regardless of what happened in the past. Either a woman finds you physically attractive, or she's drunk enough or desperate enough at the moment to find you good enough for sex, or she does not.


Okay, let’s break this down a little. Approaching women is NOT like flipping a coin, the odds do not remain the same. Your appearance can change, your attitude, your outlook, your outward projection of confidence can all change.

You yourself say, “Maybe after 14 years I have the scent of desperation”. That is almost certainly true, I cannot imagine how any red blooded male could go without for 14 years and not be desperate. And it shows, women can pick up on it, and your odds go down, dramatically. Do something, anything, whatever it takes to break that cycle of failure, lose the smell of desperation, and your odds will improve. Dramatically. I guarantee it.

No, one success, even several, will not “create magic to make you attractive to other women”. But … it will remove one very serious impediment (the scent of desperation). And right now, after 14 years of failure, you need to remove impediments.

NorwegianGuy hit the nail on the head with this: “You're totally within non-long driving range of more populated areas. “ Get your butt in gear. Quit buying radiator hoses for that damn 442 (they never were very fast anyway, I used to eat them alive with my Mopars), and buy yourself a new wardrobe. Then make the drive to the nearest real city, and go dancing. Now. Just do it!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 85
view profile
History
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/20/2017 10:37:36 AM

In a 14 yr dry spell, I went from living out in the sticks but near a college, to living in a city near a university, to moving back to my hometown of farmland and Yuppies.

But you're a short drive to different areas. :) And as pointed out, you have been in different areas than now, that, on-paper are a-okay for finding gals for fun & dating, but your results were the same. Basically -- it's not your environment. But due to being too-comfy "on the bench" for So long -- ugggh, driving out over there? -- it becomes more of a pain than it actually is.

I'm sure there are single moms out there too busy with kids and a job to be social butterflies, but as a few men have pointed out here..."women who put their kids first aren't great relationship material".

First, it doesn't mean they're hermits who never come out. Second, your quote has some validity to it -- but a mere line thrown in an online profile -- many times it's fueled by the awkwardness of going online and a reaction to an assumption that it makes them look bad. So I wouldn't put it's weight in gold. But More Importantly -- even if it is too much like that as it can be -- you're Not Relationship Hunting. :) You've been out of the game for 14 years. It's not Relationship-or-Bust. You're getting your feet wet and trying to get some playing time in. She's got her kids to coddle but wants some dates here and there? Great! You're not looking to mesh lives with her anyway (even though the theoretical possibility could be there with anyone), and it's just going to be you and she in each of your free time!

As for using "less attractive women" as my training wheels...those ARE the women who are shooting me down :) That's the head scratcher. Maybe after 14 yrs I have the scent of desperation :)

Or off-game. Less attractive women than you are going to shoot you down. Whether it being that they're kinda seeing a guy, your type/look isn't their ideal cup of tea and you're not Way out of their league, or she's just -- whatever.... it's going to happen to Everyone. :) Now, if less attractive women than the ones you were nabbing @27 years old -- then you might be barking up the wrong trees, if you're using that as the measuring stick too much. Either way, you're going to be brushed off. But you also have to know how to do it reasonably effectively without having any backlash.

They didn't create magic that made me attractive to other women. approaching women is like flipping a coin--the odds remain the same regardless of what happened in the past.

I totally disagree. :) No, no magic happens. But it can feel like that when you get some successes... mainly because you were thinking of yourself in a lower position than you were. After post-successes, it doesn't make you directly more attractive to women -- it naturally helps make you carry yourself better, without thinking about it. How you feel, how you roll, etc. Your mindset shouldn't be "find a GF". Not at all. That's not a success. It's "get #s, get dates, get banter and interest on the more-than-friends level". Coming off the bench, being able To do that some and seeing that happen -- will make you carry yourself better.

With that said though, one needs to carry themselves not very poorly at all -- which is why books and such exist about the subject. Common sense to many, but also puts things in perspective, especially for those who've been on the bench so long (or even not too long). It's how you frame things and should see things that's the real difference. They help in that dept, as they should. And, getting some successes with girls by itself does that too.

I just don't play Daddy, I can't be conned into spending a lot of money on a gold digger, i'm too laid back to be difficult to work with, I don't do arguments that lead to anger sex, I don't drink, i'm not a thug, I have to work at PUA games like showing disinterest or negging, and I don't withhold emotions.

Yeah, don't chase any gals who end up being like that. Simple as that. But not going about it "your way" -- and changing things up, is a good thing to do. In fact, quite essential, at this point, is it not? We all have to realize this when in a rut for a long time -- or on the bench forever, where what we feel what should work doesn't and everything else is "just a game". It's not.

But you are right -- Attraction is the main key. Aim to make yourself attractive -- and go about approaches IRL not to what your comfort-zone/gut says, but what does end up making things work. Because many times, we'll be in the "gray zone" -- meaning, not anything clear where just raw attraction gives a 100% pure yay or nay no matter what we do. Part of that is: Don't carry yourself which puts you in the friend-zone. That's your comfort-zone talking. Just remember: It's Supposed to feel uncomfortable and different. If it isn't, nothing's changing.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 86
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/20/2017 1:24:44 PM
"approaching women, the odds do not stay the same, your appearance and approach can change"

>>>that's an interesting thought. Some guys will use the same pickup line. Some guys may change their approach based on the body language they're picking up on the woman...is she approachable, is she putting up a wall, etc.

I'll bet that even a few years of dry spell makes me seem desperate. Ironically, the solution? to stop wanting to date women :) Nothing else changes the desperation, short of getting rid of what causes it. Its a perpetual motion machine :)But losing interest in women doesn't make them rush over...just the ones who would have been interested in the first place. I know b/c after breakups, I don't mope around, I start asking out again...and the results don't change. If someone finds me sexually attractive, they'll have sex with me. if they don't, then they won't. BUT, with the caveat I have to admit to, I don't drink, I don't do drunk women, I don't chase "confused" women, I don't push insecure women for sex. I could "up my numbers" if I went after these low hanging fruit, b/c I've watched other men do it, and pay whatever drama penalty there was. So i'll confess to sabatoging myself there.

NG is right about getting out there, I've done it in the past and continue to do so, I'll let the crack about 442's go by, Henry, b/c you're a nice guy :), and you aren't wrong about the clothes, i'm not a clothes-horse. Clothing can dress up an average guy, a good looking guy looks great in a t-shirt and jeans. As for my game...yeah, i'm more logic than romantic, more "this is how I feel" than playing hard to get. Game is something I have to do consciously, and its just not fun for me. i'm one of those guys, when I want something, I just go get it. That only works on women who don't want to play, "does he love me, or love me not?"

I was a massive flirt growing up, and I learned it works well...on women who want attention. as soon as I turned in into trying to get a date, they evaporated into the wind. engaging women is a nice hobby, I've made a lot of female friends out of it thru life. That part I had down. It was transitioning it into a relationship that was the issue. To quote the old song, come dancing, to spend a week's pay on a Saturday night of dancing to just get a peck on the cheek is...weak tea. If i'm not "relationship hunting", then I'm wasting a everyone's time. Its like saying I don't go to work in order to get a paycheck :) the people who move up the corporate ladder, are the people who never forget what they are there to accomplish.

As for making myself attractive, there's only so much spit 'n' polish before i'm presenting something that isn't me...and we can guess where that leads and how well it works. What I can do to accentuate the real me...that IS what I do and have done. I try to be nice, that doesn't work. I try to be more amusing, I get similar attention but the same end results. I get exasperated and speak my mind and become more confrontational, I make more enemies and yet end up with the same end results. :) Women don't change their minds by what they see, they just confirm what they wanted to do from the beginning.

I say that b/c I've listened to women complain about the "male mistakes" they made. They knew from the beginning something was off with the guy...but they found a rationalization for why their clothes fell off anyway. They had a temptation, and they found a loophole in how they could get away with it...or they decided for sure, "nope, this isn't going to end well" and the guy goes home. There will be some examples of "confused" women, of course, who can't really say why they slept with a guy. But the sex with them isn't usually worth the drama cost that may come afterward.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 87
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/20/2017 2:25:57 PM

They knew from the beginning something was off with the guy...but they found a rationalization for why their clothes fell off anyway.


That's half the allure. They love diving head first into something they shouldn't or aren't supposed to want. Women are attracted to potential danger likes flies to shit.

Back when I was open to being in a relationship, if a woman asked me what I was looking for, I would never say "a relationship". Ever. I would say something along the lines of "I'm not sure, I'm just playing things by ear now." I can't recall a single time where this ever actually scared off a woman who was interested in me. At worst, there were a few who said they were unsure of getting involved with me at all. I would tell them I understood and let it go. Next thing you know, they would contact me a few days later to see what I was doing the coming weekend.
 a88ie100
Joined: 8/26/2017
Msg: 88
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 5:10:07 AM
You just need to find the right one i think.
 MizPurl
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 89
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 5:59:09 AM
^^^Bingo!
Playing silly games and trying to figure what everyone elses motives are.....will drive you crazy.
Generalizing on what women or men think....is just not common sense.
I know for a fact....my friends and I don't think/act/feel the same .......sooooo...throw that reasoning out the door.

If you meet someone you want to spend more time with...be honest.
If they are feeling the same...you're off.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 90
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 7:25:43 AM
"they (women) love diving headfirst into something they shouldn't, or aren't supposed to want. Women are attracted to potential danger like flies to shit...I can't recall a single time when I scared off a woman who was interested in me."

>>>yeah, I can agree with the pig of women's dreams, I've listened to women here and in real life, chase after a guy who literally told them, "i'm not looking for a relationship", and afterward cry that they didn't get a relationship. Women who find a guy attractive, aren't scared by his roadblocks. Not surprisingly, one of the PUA games IS to put up roadblocks. then the lady overcomes them, and convinces herself afterward that it was all her idea b/c she worked so hard.

In the lower dating forum, a young fellow is jumping thru hoops with a woman, in order to get a date. I wish him luck, but I wonder if focusing on approaching and getting the date as an end goal, makes one blind to the reality they are in out of depth and shouldn't be wasting their time. I guess that may be why I do focus on attraction, I don't want to waste time on submitting my resume to a job i'm not going to get, not when I have hobbies I can spend that time on and get a better rate of return. Of course, keeping ones' eyes too much on the prize can lead to looking like a singular focus, or worse, desperate. I used to approach a lot more women, and believe me, in a small group, you get known as...the guy who's always looking for a date :) So cutting to the chase with women, can get you a rep as "just looking for something". Can't win for losing, as my late mother used to say :)

(would an attractive man on the prowl, suffer from a reputation of being on the prowl? well, judging from the first experience, I guess he doesn't suffer it from women looking for a sexual relationship from someone who looks as good as he does. It might even be satisfying to leapfrog over all the games to the main event, IDK.)

When I was younger and flirting and asking out women all the time (my mother had told me never to be afraid to ask out attractive women, b/c guys were usually scared to), I would look at a woman I was interested in, and if she wasn't acting the way I act around people i'm interested in, then I wouldn't bother her by asking (I also got to hear a lot from women about guys who just wouldn't take a hint). But if she was DDG, well, she was used to getting hit on (I'd find out later mom's advice was wrong, both from observation and from friends who were women I asked out and they turned me down but liked my personality) and so i'd ask just b/c I wanted an answer. Thankfully, most of the responses were, "oh, thanks, but I already have a bf", so at least I wasn't being a creep. some of the nicer gals even acted like it was a compliment :)

Someone posted earlier about shy girls. I got the advice when I was young to try asking out shy girls, b/c they probably didn't get approached so I had better odds. Well, the first two girls turned out not to be shy...they just flat out were so disinterested, they were trying to give me a hint! But I did get some traction with the third shy girl. She was pretty, she was nice, she was a Polish exchange student, she was....boring! I figured that was a fluke, but I met some other shy girls, and well...I was more outgoing than they were. So...well, I hate to use the label "boring", but to be frank, my stories were far more interesting than their's, and their idea of a night out may be, "let's get drunk so I can get some confidence to socialize" and mine might be, "let's check out the new exhibit that's getting good reviews at..." and I chalked that up to, "we have little in common, this isn't going to turn into a relationship"

"I know for a fact....my friends and I don't think/act/feel the same"

>>>I can get we don't want to be around someone who is a mirror copy of us, but we still want to share beliefs and morals. We may have different ways to get to the same goals...otherwise, why are we friends? We may be more impulsive than our friend, or they may have a shorter fuse than we do, but we still share a lot in common. Otherwise, what's the draw?
 MizPurl
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 91
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 7:48:48 AM
GTO....There's definitely no lack of "stupid people" in this world.
Trust me...I have friends that bring on the grief themselves, as well. Even when told their being a fool at the time....some even repeat it.
I have made mistakes as well...but learn from them and move on. Take some of the ownership in making a dumb choice..
At the time.....it was what it was.....I was getting something out of it...obviously.

I hope for some they will use their noggin' but I refuse to feed into their attention seeking "whine"...He did this...he did that...or vise versa...
and NO....people don't "all" want the same out of a relationship....imo.
My friends don't need to think the same as me but yes....my partner would have to have the same morals and integrity I respect in a person....nobody is perfect. In my eyes, It's what the other totally accepts and loves about you...that counts.
I don't hang out with people I don't like....friends or a love interest.

My point is...Do YOU!
Quit trying to be someone you're not.
PUA....frack!! How old are you?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 92
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 8:00:35 AM
Purl, i'll agree with sentences 1-5.

I'll concur, I try to approach relationships based on emotion, logically....so that when I get the problems out of the way, there is room for emotion. I differ from a lot of the population that way, I suspect.

Personally, I find my deepest friendships come from people I share a lot of beliefs with. I can overlook some of their behaviors (so long as those behaviors don't lead to disrespect, natch), but we have similar goals at the end. The reason is, we base our lives on what we think is right, and we act in ways to reach what we think is right. For example, if someone thinks leading the party lifestyle after lets say age 50 is the right way to live, well, they're going to engage in activities that make that lifestyle occur. But that's not what I think is a good way to live life, so I won't like those activities, and therefore..we aren't going to be deep friends. but I might meet them at some events and correspond cordially :)

and yes, I prefer to do me, and I know its not the "Cup of tea" for many. "Being me" is one of the main reasons I don't attract the general populace. There's only so much "make yourself more attractive" wiggle room. Upgrading my wardrobe, for example was suggested, isn't going to make me much different. I can wear a suit, yet i'll never be a "Suit", if you catch my drift. I can wear clothes that match or accentuate my personality, but my personality gets more friends than my body gets lovers. What can be said, a lot of people (who aren't wearing beer goggles, etc) want a nice body in bed--good people like to aim high when they can, and we're programmed as humans not to dilute the gene pool :)

as for the PUA, that was just used for reference. Some of their ideas are interesting "For entertainment purposes only", ie discussions when "how many angels on the head of a pin" has run its course. Of course, we've all met here and elsewhere, men and women on which games work too well. which is why PUA tactics can be entertaining, they have a kernel of truth to them :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 93
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 9:36:51 AM

Generalizing on what women or men think....is just not common sense.


You might want to look into the difference between generalizing and stereotyping.


I know for a fact....my friends and I don't think/act/feel the same .......sooooo...throw that reasoning out the door.


Right, and I bet each of you thinks of yourselves as "unique" and impervious to harboring any typical female traits. Hey, cooldog, what's the code for that rolling on the floor laughing emoticon?

PUA? I don't know much about it other than what the younger guys in my family exposed me to a few years ago, and most of it was just laughable. My greatest teacher was my uncle (who was a spitting image of Sean Connery) and watching my own mother's dating patterns.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 94
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History
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 9:41:16 AM
^^^ Use roll between the colons...
 MizPurl
Joined: 6/11/2016
Msg: 95
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/21/2017 10:11:59 AM
Generalize Synonyms, Generalize Antonyms | Thesaurus.com
www.thesaurus.com/browse/generalize
Synonyms for generalize. verb make a sweeping assumption, statement. conclude.
^^^I believe the word fits within the context of my sentence just fine...

I have never described myself as "unique" or anyone else but I just think the word describes you quite well....
My greatest teacher was myself....
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 96
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/25/2017 12:57:56 PM

I assume reporting to POF wouldn't be any use

You assume correctly.
Plentyoffish, not Plentyofwater.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 97
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History
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/25/2017 1:27:10 PM

Generalizing on what women or men think....is just not common sense.

It's actually quite natural. And correct to an extent when done right. But doing it too much, and/or not realizing non-rare exceptions is where it goes awry. It's not random what girls like and what guys like, is the point. Otherwise GTO, myself, random guy walking down the street -- would all have just as much success as a 25 year old who's a doppleganger of a hot Hollywood actor.

As for my game...yeah, i'm more logic than romantic, more "this is how I feel" than playing hard to get. Game is something I have to do consciously, and its just not fun for me.

Asking/calling on romance in the mere dating scene in garnering gal's interests for dates is not required at all. Stepping back when having great success or great Unsuccess is where logic comes in to analyze the Why and the How. Now, there's two definitions in the dating scene of "game": One is in the sense of "having good game" -- you're not playing games, it's just the dating scene as a sort of board game, and you're Effective at it. The other definition is in the sense of "playing games" -- which is a bad thing much of the time, but can be effective when used in certain scenarios to some degree (part of one's utility belt in "having game").

Clothing can dress up an average guy, a good looking guy looks great in a t-shirt and jeans.

It's not about "dressing up" per se, but it's about wearing what's good on you. Ever see some not-so-good-looking gals, dressed up in some current fad that looks Bad on them? And it looks at least not-so-great on many -- BUT with hot chicks it looks great? Yeah, they want to be the hot chick, but it's a poor choice. Her flabby sides hang out of that getup. Not good. :)

What it's about is what looks good on you. Like a haircut. For instance: Real short hair on a gal usually does Not look good, but for some -- they can Really pull it off attractively. So clothes -- they don't have to be expensive. They have to fit right, which may take some adjustment -- and not to be dressed like Uncle Frank is, or like it's still 1991. A guy doesn't need a gay friend to help them out (but they can expedite the process). It takes time soaking things in, looking at pictures, etc.

I was a massive flirt growing up, and I learned it works well...on women who want attention. as soon as I turned in into trying to get a date, they evaporated into the wind.

Then it wasn't working well. Or they liked the attention, but you were just a "friend to be" as you established yourself in a different way than you think.

What I can do to accentuate the real me...that IS what I do and have done. I try to be nice, that doesn't work. I try to be more amusing, I get similar attention but the same end results.

What you do is change you. Can't do it in one flick of the switch... but it's you Wanting to change. Not being the type of person who's Never going to redecorate their living room, even though like their clothing line, is stuck in 1985. So using this extreme (but not hard to find) example, said person Doesn't want change and refers to "I'm me!" as the excuse. Nobody's asking them to have a Max Headrom look and to go bonkers crazy -- but any sort of notable change is out of their comfort zone, and it mine as well be to them. Kind of like when I had Long Hair in the late 90s when it was out of style. Thank GAWD I did have the balls to cut it, even though I initially felt like I mine as well be buying pink shorts to wear every day.

I get exasperated and speak my mind and become more confrontational, I make more enemies and yet end up with the same end results. :)

Because you're too entrenched in your comfort zone. Look: We all change over time whether we like it or not. Most of us, at a very slow slow pace, but, you're not going to be the same @82 than @42. So you can take control of that or just let nature take it's course and be empty handed the whole time. Your choice. At this point, you can't actually Realize the benefits, so it's just a dream-world. But it's not. In a sense, you're in HawkingJR's shoes. You're out of touch with what can & does work, which is natural at this point, actually. You changing is Still 100% You. But you have to change your comfort zone, which takes time & purpose. But it's More than worth it.

Like I've said to HawkingJR before -- if I had a suitcase full of $100 million (after taxes) -- and I said in 6 months, I want you to get a gal who you're surely attracted to and who is attracted to you.... your approach & POV would end up changing. :)
 Inicia
Joined: 4/12/2015
Msg: 98
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/26/2017 8:07:40 AM
Changing my POV- I will be over in two months with my perfect match to collect my 100 mill- cash no checks. lol Maybe tomorrow if i really get in gear..
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 99
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/26/2017 9:59:29 AM
Humans generalize b/c we're still animals--we want to know what is a threat, and what is Anything Other Than A Threat. We label, pigeonhole, generalize.

"Asking/calling on romance in the mere dating scene in garnering gal's interests for dates is not required at all."

I will generalize, however, that if a guy isn't romantic, his chances with ladies in general decreases...unless he's smoking hot or they are looking for a "fixer upper". An unromantic guy is a...friend :) Flirting got me attention early on b/c it was a bit romantic. it didn't get me dates, but to assume it was a failure is to assume I could have convinced someone not interested in dating me, to somehow date me :) we can change ourselves, we just can't change other people.

Clothing--some ladies love a man in uniform. what looks good on me may depend very much on the lady, I've gotten plenty of compliments from men if I wore a bright red motorcycle leather jacket, they want to ask what I ride, etc. Great if I was picking up men :) Women won't bother to say a word, b/c they could care less what I ride. But if I was good looking to them? Then they'd care greatly what I ride. As for haircuts, i'm bald on top, so there's really no good looking haircut for that other than to go bald. and that's the advice I got from many. So I changed from long hair to short hair to no hair...and the results stayed exactly the same.

change is good, I don't deny that. So I've tried it, and for all the changes I got...exactly the same results. People are very interested in hot people. They aren't as interested in average looking people--we're the background. I don't need a $100 million bounty, I had an erection, which was motive enough to make things work :) But there is only so much that is possible. I cannot change what people want to have sex with. we've all seen people go thru hell to try to get who they wanted to have sex with, why didn't they go after the low hanging fruit in their life? it would have been so much easier, but they weren't looking for what was easy, or what was rational, they were looking for who they wanted to have sex with.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 100
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 9/26/2017 10:51:31 AM

I will generalize, however, that if a guy isn't romantic, his chances with ladies in general decreases...unless he's smoking hot or they are looking for a "fixer upper".

Whoah, man. You're WAY off. Way Way Off. Again, we're talking about the initial Intro phase -- before even getting a phone #. NO, you don't inject Romance into it. It's about banter, flirting, generating or riding on chemistry, and then getting a #. Actual Romance comes in once you two Hit It Off during some dates. Once in a good while a little earlier when you never knew the gal prior, when she goes on about that's what she likes but lacks -- sure, then you give it that setting on that 1st date or whatever. But if you think injecting Romance before even having a date is "what you're supposed to do" -- dude, you're conditioned in the Wrong way. And that's just not my opinion. :)

An unromantic guy is a...friend :)

No, a guy who throws romance at a girl like that off the bat (a dozen red roses on a 1st date from POF; trying to be romantic to a gal after you're able to talk to her at the bar) -- Becomes just a friend (or weird).

Flirting got me attention early on b/c it was a bit romantic. it didn't get me dates

Throwing a bit in there as a change of pace if you read (or hear) the gal likes that stuff a lot can maybe squeeze a date out of something. I'm all for mixing things up a bit for a change of pace (with some reason behind it too). But general flirting isn't romantic. Attraction in and of itself isn't "romantic" either. At that initial point, to even get a #, then to land a date, etc -- it's about the guy genuinely Liking her (not wanting just a piece of a$$), and the guy not giving the signal that he's Way into her (what's his name again?) or giving the vibe that he's clingy. At this point, it's about generating mutual attraction.

Roses, poems, pouring out compliments way too much (romantic or not) -- No. It doesn't get you dates. Why are you sticking to it? Because you're stubborn and you have No Control. :) Hey, they can talk to you! Yay -- but you can also be laying it on too thick too, so by the time one Could get a # -- it fizzled. Or it's cute, they like it, but, awwww, no, sorry GTO. There's an occasional thread about how to get a response -- Any response -- from a gal when you write her online. The moral to the story is, just getting Something in return doesn't hold value. You don't want to focus on that as a "win". It isn't. Not even a little league win.

change is good, I don't deny that. So I've tried it, and for all the changes I got...exactly the same results.

I don't buy it, tho. You FEEL like you did, and sure, it wasn't the same carbon copy -- but no. You have to buy into and understand Why. Changing some things up but basically more or less projecting yourself the same way at the end, because you want to be in your comfort zone, and not conditioning yourself to Be different -- that's more how I see it. :)

But sure, if one's going after girls frequently that are Way out of their league -- yeah, they're pretty much going to get the same result. Horrible practice though to go about it wrongly, because it becomes habit and "the way"... which Will mean something when occasionally coming across a real possibility.

I cannot change what people want to have sex with.

Sure you can. Say a gal wants to have sex with you. Getting all giddy, you go to your front door, turn around, and tell her "I have hostages. I've had them tied up for weeks. I torture them and sexually harm them. They're going to join in. And you're going to join THEM! Muhahahaha!" Yeah, you just changed her mind. ;)

Many gals -- the ones who may be not out of your league but a couple steps ahead -- they don't want low hanging fruit. You're not supposed to be that. You have to Project yourself differently, which, you have to become different in how you project yourself Habitually. And to ensure you're not going about it wrongly. Which, going a Romance route with a gal you don't know before even getting a # -- holy sh!t, bad move. Last thing you want as a habit. You need to understand Why. PUA stuff may take this logical concept and run Too far in the opposite direction, but there's a reason it exists. Look at what gets results. Getting a gal To banter with you is Not a success.

I don't need a $100 million bounty, I had an erection, which was motive enough to make things work :)

Okay, you don't need a $100 million bounty. So you can have an erection, which is enough for you to go out, get a gal's #, and a date where she's genuinely interested in you. So you have no problems getting a date of mutual interest, right? :)
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