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 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 151
Dating sure has changed , shallow women Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

if you’re with the right person you will have enough “me time”.


I have found this to be true.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 152
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/27/2017 2:15:17 PM

To those who find relationships to be a "wrong" concept, there is no "right one". Not to mention, the whole "whatever it takes" aspect pedestalizes her and leaves the man playing the role of hoop jumper.

I agree with both sentences... and the 1st sentence applies to the guys, too (purplerider), as it goes both ways.

If you do want someone to share your life (which is an open question, and entirely your decision) – but if you do, then you are going to have to make compromises. Anyone who has been married, who has been in a successful marriage, successful even if it didn’t last forever, knows that you have to make compromises. Period.

Yeah, but there's a Big Difference between getting married and going steady with a gal. That's why there's different Speeds of going out, to one's comfort zone. If you start dating and they want to be an item Too Soon, and your day-to-day life isn't an optimal match with hers -- you're risking ruining it. Or when dating then wanting to move in way too soon or get engaged/married too soon -- same thing. Meshing lives varies on the person. When really young it's more flexible. When older, it's more hardened.

If you're getting into going-steady with a gal (to be an item) -- and you're having to make compromises to their Tastes/Comfort-Zone (not objectively that you should do anyway in life or if you ever wanted to date 95% of the population) -- you're with the wrong gal for potentially riding off in the sunset. Keep it just-casual. Hence, an understandable (not sexual) reason why some people date just-casually with many folks. That said though -- again, you may have to be making compromises that you Should be doing anyway in life, and one of the problems is to not stick to "this is how I am [these days], deal with it", when it's not so healthy.

EX: I get up at 1PM and go to bed at 5AM, and not because of some nice job, but because I like going to the bar during the week, staying up late watching movies, etc. This is my comfort zone, babe. Take it or leave it. -- This would be not ideal, unless you're dating a bartender or one who works off-hours. And not the best for oneself when one doesn't have to roll this way.

And if she is the right person for you, then she will be equally willing to make compromises, to meet in the middle.

One of the potential traps is -- during the honeymoon phase, if the two hit it off -- you tolerate a lot more than after the dust settles where the relationship loses its "new car smell". :) That said, it's What the "compromise" is. Do you Really want to never go to the bar with friends? Or is it changing a comfortable routine that's just a taste issue on your part, but at the end of the day, easily adaptable (but wouldn't be for some chick who you wouldn't be geeked about)?

At the end of the day, if you two truly Hit It off, and you Are compatible in your lifestyle -- there's no big adjustments when you become an item. I think once getting Serious, and wanting to Mesh Lives... then that can be an issue, which is why I think it's important not to Rush things in terms of meshing lives.
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 153
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 3:45:34 PM

even closer to the top is they don’t like smokers, stinky disgusting habit..since it’s give out advice day, I’ll help you out too 🤨


Most men will not seriously date women smokers, either. Yuck!
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 154
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 4:34:03 PM
"Ultimately, the coupling shouldn't be aimed at being alone, but instead to become a better person"

>>>perhaps, Henry, I should have said, the strength of a coupling is based on a goal of becoming the latter? Even in sexual relationships, one should try not to be a selfish lover if one wants that relationship to last. or pick a partner who loves to be left hanging :)

Generally speaking, the "right person" is one who has their own life, and isn't needy, and thus not only will give us "me time", but they'll want their own "me time"...which ends up being our "me time" :) But, I suppose if a "large breasted swallow" wants to spend most of the day on my arm, I guess I can be considerate....and seedy. now, if two people who have little to do, can be attracted to each other and thus occupy each others' waking moments...
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 155
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 4:34:45 PM
So why do I exist on here? Forums, and nothing else. It's a form of entertainment. I gave up on dating years ago.

If it irritates you-Then I've succeeded in my job. A fair number of folks have paired up, yet they still show up in here. I come in to balance the scale. A terminal solo person. One that advertises that solo isn't the end of the world. I support the single gripers, because they need to be heard. Every group needs a whipping boy. I've got no problems taking that on. (Like now)

You aren't happy unless you're pursuing some one. I saw that years ago. I like solo. I can jump on the bike at my whim, and not have to ask. I don't feel the social pressure like you do. If I talk to no one during the day, it's no loss to me. It just means I got more done that day. I had an unencumbered day of thinking, and I like it.
 forumzfishonly
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 156
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 4:59:17 PM
Nestaron, they wear fragrances to overcome your smoky stink..PU dude🤢
 LGL1975
Joined: 6/7/2015
Msg: 157
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 5:32:22 PM
I don't think dating has changed that much women just get more horrible as they get older.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 158
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 10:40:51 PM
My goodness, there are a lot of bitter men on here.


purplerider1200
I support the single gripers, because they need to be heard. Every group needs a whipping boy. I've got no problems taking that on. (Like now)


LGL1975
I don't think dating has changed that much women just get more horrible as they get older.


Sheesh!
I was out listening to live music and dancing this evening with a Meetup group. I had a great time, got a couple of phone numbers, have a date for Saturday night. Life is good. Once again, there were more women than men, I just can’t understand men who can’t make this work. Oh, well, your loss, my gain.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 159
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/28/2017 10:44:47 PM
@forumsfishonly You sir are a fool mother of my kids was a non-smoker and asked me out where's the logic, I have been with just as many non-smokers as smokers you are kidding yourself if you think all people have your same ideology. Like from the time you mentioned non-smokers until now I have 6 messages from non-smokers and 2 from smokers what is up with that sh!t? The mother of my kids in 5 years never once mentioned my smoking as a problem, my kids have never said you should quit dad and they don't smoke and lived with me.

But I am so glad you speak for all non-smokers and your opinion is their opinion is that what you tell yourself at night is it? I bet you probably used to smoke and recently decided hey I need to quit sometime in the past 2-4 years now voicing your opinion on it. You ignore facts like non-smokers who smoke when they drink, or people who claim to be non-smokers will turn around and smoke weed and think it's different.

You don't need to worry about the smell of my smoke cause I don't go near non-smokers unless I am invited, so really if they have a problem with me smoking don't fvcking invite me.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 160
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 3:42:11 AM
That's your area, not ours. (Maybe, I only speak for myself) A lot of the meetup groups in my area revolve around a lot of dumbass events, lesbian encounters, raising kids, libertarian groups. I am not going to go to drive 45 minutes away to a group that wants to complain about why the garbage man dumps the empty can over on it side AFTER they dump the contents in the truck.

I won't walk acrossed the street to listen to some garage band butcher up a song by playing their version of a song that I hated when it came out originally. Excessively tubby women do not put me in the mood, nor do I want to listen to them gripe about their last three boyfriends. ( Or why I don't ride a Harley)

I make the best of my situation. I lead my life, my way. It'll be a cold dayinhell when I worry about what you think.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 161
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 4:53:22 AM

So why do I exist on here? Forums, and nothing else. It's a form of entertainment. I gave up on dating years ago.

If it irritates you-Then I've succeeded in my job. A fair number of folks have paired up, yet they still show up in here. I come in to balance the scale. A terminal solo person. One that advertises that solo isn't the end of the world. I support the single gripers, because they need to be heard. Every group needs a whipping boy. I've got no problems taking that on. (Like now)

You aren't happy unless you're pursuing some one. I saw that years ago. I like solo. I can jump on the bike at my whim, and not have to ask. I don't feel the social pressure like you do. If I talk to no one during the day, it's no loss to me. It just means I got more done that day. I had an unencumbered day of thinking, and I like it.


I'm solo. I have no desire to find a long term relationship. I like my alone time too much. That being said - I still date and am upfront about my motives (or lack of). I am social. I go out with friends and alone. Being single doesn't equate to being bitter for people with a normal psyche. You just seem to be miserable in every way. It would be sad if you weren't so willfully obstinate when it comes to helping yourself crawl out of your misery.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 162
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 5:07:58 AM
ah, you southerners are so lucky right now :) its around 6 degrees at night up here. the only people going out are kids getting away from their parents. at least the sun was out this week, you could feel the solar heat coming in thru the window if you stood next to it.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 163
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 7:12:01 AM

I was out listening to live music and dancing this evening with a Meetup group. I had a great time, got a couple of phone numbers, have a date for Saturday night. Life is good. Once again, there were more women than men, I just can’t understand men who can’t make this work. Oh, well, your loss, my gain.


You're in a whole different dating demographic, you fossil. In your age group, it's like shooting fish in a barrel as you people say. I could go to one of the infamous cougar bars around here and get a bunch of numbers if I wanted. It's not impressive.

Do me a favor and get out there and see how many numbers you can get from educated, thirty-something, childless career women. You'll understand the the frustration real quick.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 164
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 7:28:39 AM

gtomustang
ah, you southerners are so lucky right now :) its around 6 degrees at night up here.


And what exactly keeps you there in the frigid northern wastelands? Is there an anchor attached that we can’t see in the pictures?

Yes, I know most people are pretty provincial, but somehow I had a different impression of you.

Ah, well, it’s cold down here too. They’re saying we might actually get a freeze next week, something that never happened last winter.


spot4username
I'm solo. I have no desire to find a long term relationship. I like my alone time too much. That being said - I still date and am upfront about my motives (or lack of). I am social. I go out with friends and alone. Being single doesn't equate to being bitter for people with a normal psyche.

You interest me. And probably every other red blooded male around, but never mind that. If you were a little closer, I would most definitely want to learn more. Especially about that account you have on an unconventional site…. Definitely intriguing.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 165
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 7:42:50 AM
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ LOL Once again I shall defend Ohenry, (Not that he needs it by any means, just sayin')

Ohenry has a mind set. He knows what he wants and he goes after it. No excuses, no whining. I have never known him to feel sorry for himself. He keeps a positive attitude. HE seems to enjoy life, on his terms. (Regardless of the age)

I can't speak for all women, we are not all alike, (Thank heavens!). However, I have never known a man or woman to seek out, perpetual complainers, "Oh WHY me?"............people who display piss poor attitudes, ooze negativity, blame anybody and everything, for their failures.
Is it tougher to find what one seeks in different age groups? Harder in one country / state / city / town / countryside?
Sure, I have no doubt. But one's look on life / an attitude / works wonders or....................it severely limits your options.

If what you're doin', isn't achieving your goal....................Do something different!
 forumzfishonly
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 166
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 7:53:29 AM
Just pulling your chain Nestaron, sooooo easy too :D

^^^^^I agree with your thoughts on Henry, always upbeat and positive from day 1, these sites will break you down if you let them, remember that dude who was a ballroom dancer, not a bad looking guy, aside from balding a little, used to show up a few times a week to complain he never had a date in his life, to this day I still don’t understand why, unless his voice was totally annoying, massive body odor or was just making it up to get sympathy from the forum gals
??
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 167
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 7:55:53 AM
Gonna broad-brush here based on my experiences:

Men complain online (and really just on forums, Reddit, social media feeds, etc.). Women complain all the time.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 168
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 8:33:44 AM
LOL, It's too hot, waaahhh! It's too cold, too young, too old, too small, too big, not the right color, not the right size, wrong day, wrong time,, wrong way, too short, too tall, .........................arghhhhh!..................Oh yes, my BF suffers daily, nightly, weekly from my complaints!

LOL Yah OK. Perhaps one is keeping company with the wrong women?
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 169
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 9:27:07 AM
LOL....as I said long ago.
For some people, it's just best to remain "single".....
If they have become so bitter about the opposite sex because of one failed relationship.
They can't handle life and/or any type of situation or disagreement.
Unwilling to see good in others...whether they are fat or skinny.
Just have become such grumpy people....see a lot of it on these dating sites.
I call it "wallowing"....

When I meet a man and all he does is complain about his ex....big red flag.
Maybe it comes with maturity but I can honestly say....I take half responsibility of my failed relationships.
Ran into my ex....just last week.
No hard feelings(we hugged) but I would never go back.....ever!

@Red......yes, when you find the right on...he won't mind your complaining about life sometimes...lol.
and you will listen to him too. It's called compromise.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 170
Dating sure has changed, shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 9:46:57 AM
"And what exactly keeps you there in the frigid northern wastelands? Is there an anchor attached that we can’t see in the pictures?"

>>>true, we are all like the monkey who won't release the bait inside the box so it can withdraw its hand :) I don't like the cold's effects, but I have a free house and it doesn't get past 100 in the summer. so, there are trade-offs and what costs I pay in the winter, pay off in the summer. But that's true of most complainers, really. There are people who go out a lot, and then complain that they didn't get their money's worth out of a date. there are people who stay at home, and while they save money, they complain about being alone. We're never happy :) But then, if we do reach a level of comfort, do we ever try harder? Pearls, after all, are a result of sand irritating a clam so badly, that it does something as a result...and we think its beautiful.

It is a tough winter this time around, last few years it hovered above freezing at least. I may get a bit of cabin fever, but I also expect that rushing out for events, will give me the same results I had for the last 20 years when I went out. I certainly haven't gotten slimmer or grown more hair or look younger or better :)

As for what makes humans tick, I commend those who work hard to get what they want. But, we humans are just so different, is it possible we all work to reach the level we are comfortable at? We all want mansions, Ferraris and champagne, but so few do the work necessary. They can live with whatever they have. perhaps we reach different levels of happiness b/c we are so different, that we feel comfortable at different levels of comfort.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 171
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 9:55:51 AM

LOL Yah OK. Perhaps one is keeping company with the wrong women?


My girlfriends have always been fine. I won't put up with ****ing about inane shit. You don't get to pick your friends' girlfriends, coworkers, relatives, etc.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 172
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 11:31:42 AM

alpha_waves
Do me a favor and get out there and see how many numbers you can get from educated, thirty-something, childless career women. You'll understand the the frustration real quick.

I did not get married until I was 32, I spent my 20’s and early 30’s chasing women, dancing, drinking, and carrying on in night clubs and hot spots. And I dated some very hot women, including one who went on to become an NFL cheerleader. In those days, I had a lot more competition, and I had to work harder to be successful with women. And I had a lot less money to spend on women, which further increased the difficulty level.

But guess what? I succeeded. No, not every night, and certainly not with every woman. But often enough to make my life a great deal of fun. If your life isn’t fun, then …

ON EDIT: what’s with this crud about “childless”? Get over yourself. If you don’t like kids, a lot of women are going to think there is something fundamentally wrong with you. At the very least, be open to babysitters. You have heard of babysitters, right?

Ladyinred407 and forumzfishonly, I thank you for the kind words.

forumzfishonly
remember that dude who was a ballroom dancer, not a bad looking guy, aside from balding a little, used to show up a few times a week to complain he never had a date in his life, to this day I still don’t understand why, unless his voice was totally annoying, massive body odor or was just making it up to get sympathy from the forum gals

I have a friend in one of my Meetup groups. A good dancer, an exuberant outgoing personality. But as another friend, the lady who is the coordinator for the group, says, “He isn’t housebroken.” He has never been married, and he is just flat out lacking certain social skills. I keep working on him, trying to get him up to speed. But it’s an uphill battle.


Whisky_River
@Red......yes, when you find the right on...he won't mind your complaining about life sometimes...lol.
and you will listen to him too. It's called compromise.

This may be a first, I find myself agreeing with Whisky River. Although I would differentiate “having your back” from “compromise”.

gtomustang
We all want mansions, Ferraris and champagne, but so few do the work necessary.

Not to be picky or anything, but I doubt I would fit in a Ferrari. Most sports cars are not built with people my size in mind. And I don’t really want a mansion, I would just fill it with junk anyway. A woman I know in Meetup was bragging about her new house, 5,000 square feet, and she lives alone. Why? What are you going to do with 6 bedrooms, invite 5 of your closest friends to spend the night? Really?

But basically, you are correct, I would like to be filthy rich. Ridiculously, overwhelmingly, filthy rich. Hell, who wouldn’t? At the very least, I could save a hell of a lot of homeless dogs, and that wouldn’t be a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 173
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 12:46:56 PM

I don't think dating has changed that much women just get more horrible as they get older.

I believe there's truth to the core of this statement, although obviously exaggerated. Many people think dating itself changed -- but really, it really hasn't much at all. The potentials in finding someone TO potentially date changed since the 90s (no mainstream utilized matching stuff) -- but that's a different story, and not having an effect on dating Itself (if anything, opening things up; less cliquey).

So what's the deal? Why do people say Dating itself has changed when it really hasn't -- when we get Older? Because dating changes for different age-ranges. We tend to think it's just surrounding OUR timeline, but no, it's been this way for everyone over time. Dating changes when you're young vs older. Your dating landscape is pretty much the same as it was when you were really young -- for those who were as old as you are now.

Once again, there were more women than men, I just can’t understand men who can’t make this work.

Most men either don't know about the availability of particular Meetup groups and it's propensity to have more chicks than dudes, or too shy to go to them solo when not knowing how good it really Can be. Of course, if you live in Houston area, a big city, you're going to have a lot -- where it's not so fruitful for everyone living in every mid-sized city out there, or especially small cities & towns.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 174
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 1:41:27 PM
"I spent my 20’s and early 30’s chasing women, dancing, drinking, and carrying on in night clubs and hot spots. And I dated some very hot women, including one who went on to become an NFL cheerleader. In those days, I had a lot more competition, and I had to work harder to be successful with women. And I had a lot less money to spend on women, which further increased the difficulty level. "

>>>not to be picky :), but if I do the math right...that was the early to mid 1970's we're talking about? When I was at that age range, it was the 1990's...the Sexual Revolution might have been over by then, and for all I know, the women may have been looking for different things. I can say, I went out most nights back in those days when I was full of youth and vinegar, too, and....just showing up, didn't make me attractive to hot women. My first gf was hot by other peoples' standards (blonde and skinny), and the only way I got her was by ignoring her--I didn't find her body attractive--too much like a young boy's body with a flat chest--and after being abused by her father and stepfather, she had issues a'plenty. I did get attention from some attractive women, who were already taken. They didn't think of it as flirting, b/c they didn't have the goal I had. I have had the usual share of attractive women who wanted to be friends, so I know my problem wasn't being creepy. I simply wasn't what the attractive women wanted in their bed. c'est la vie, i'm picky too.

"Not to be picky, but I doubt I would fit in a Ferrari"

>>>funny you say that, b/c when I choose that example, I was going to go with Cadillac or Rolls Royce, and of course you-know-who would have said they don't want that car, either :) But you got my point, most of humanity wants some form of wonderful house, car, etc. These are tools of living, and who doesn't want the best tools? Yet, few of us will work hard enough to get the best of these tools. We work to get the roof over our head, that we have. That's the amount we will sacrifice for. To paraphrase the front cover of the Peter Principle book, we rise to our own levels.

"Many people think dating itself changed -- but really, it really hasn't much at all. The potentials in finding someone TO potentially date changed since the 90s (no mainstream utilized matching stuff) -- but that's a different story, and not having an effect on dating Itself (if anything, opening things up; less cliquey)."

>>>I think dating changes as we age for two reasons--one, marriage culls the market. two, what we want and need in a relationship changes, so we change what we look for. When we are young, most of us are equally immature, and so we seek what immature people seek. i'm sure some of us older folks have been surprised to find peers who still act like teenagers. Meanwhile, we don't need a date in order to have a reason to leave our parents' house--we live in our own house now. We have our own lives, and if we have a good life, we don't need someone else's status. But if we are stuck in a rut, we want that other person to make our lives sparkle.

as for not wanting children...yeah, I think that's important. someone who just wants to get laid, they might not concern themselves with whether or not a partner is hearing their biological clock ring or "where this relationship is going". They're just looking for fun, for as long as its going to last. they might not worry about the long term potential of what they are doing. wanting children one day, can add a layer of complexity to relationships. Not wanting kids, may convince someone they should only date women not wanting kids, so as not to lead people astray, and I can say...a woman not wanting kids, is not common.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 175
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 12/29/2017 1:43:30 PM

ON EDIT: what’s with this crud about “childless”? Get over yourself. If you don’t like kids, a lot of women are going to think there is something fundamentally wrong with you. At the very least, be open to babysitters. You have heard of babysitters, right?


Henry, in all fairness to him, not all women have kids or desire to be parents. I never had children, and I purposely seeked out men who didn't have children, or whose children were grown and had already left the nest.

Not everyone is cut out for parenthood (or wants to parent someone else's kids), so I'm not going to condemn a man for wanting to date child-free women.
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