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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 202
Dating sure has changed , shallow women Page 9 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
"If you're not capable of being happy without dating or being in a relationship, then your entire life and its worth are essentially in someone else's hands, which is rather pitiful."

>>>Valid point. more than a few guys shoot their chances at getting a date in the foot, b/c they are expecting the date to make them fun. You gotta bring "her type of fun" to the table. Not that you are trading your fun for access to her body, it should be a lot more of a sharing process. You are more fun than a buggy bottle of warm beer, you share that with her, and since she's having fun, hey, sex is a fun way to connect as well. its an organic evolution, not "Sex is the reward for what you brought to me."

Meanwhile, society has changed b/c our standards have loosened up enough that we can do what we always wished to do (Which can be good and bad). We can redefine marriage to be what we want it to be, so we do that and we end up with a business match that has an escape clause (like the post above said, talk about self-fulfilling prophesies. When you plan for failure to occur, guess what is easy to occur?). Of course, we also live older, too. When a colonial man ended up being married multiple times due to death during childbirth, it might not have run aground on the shoals of "I've been married for 40 years and I still love my partner, but i'm not "in love", and what do I do about it?"

"What is it with blokes whining these days"

>>>that has been spotted in these forums, too.

"We have noticed this trend."

>>Hey, we have internet, and we have Dr. Phil and the rest telling us to share our feelings. this is what you get when you ask for it :)

"no response is a response and getting bitter as they don't fancy you is being a poor role model for a man."

>>>have you looked at role models for men lately? hashtag me too.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 203
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 11:58:29 AM

Why do you even care if rando people on the Internet fvck or yank it or whatever? That shit's way weirder than swearing off dating. LOL.
Because it's probably statistically valid that those men who are having trouble coming to "grips" ..groan..with OLD are more likely to be yanking it. How's your sore elbow, btw?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 204
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 12:40:49 PM

Disagree. I still go to environments with lots of younger people in them, or at the least, a diversity of age groups.

So do I. There's different "genres" of places & people-types. Side note: That's why I roll my eyes when a 30 year old gal goes "Oh, I'm so done with THE bar," when they don't live in a small town isolated by distance from civilization. There's many different types, and they vary a lot.

TEND to skew younger (college age, post college), and it's not-at-all as mingley and communal as it used to be.

Yeah, but you (and I) are older. That's the real game-changer, is my point. A lower amount of people our age is going to bring less results... or going to the same place, sure, it changes (one place for the better, one place for the worst), when we stay the same. When it comes to our age Itself visually older + the more we stay-in-our-ways, the less "fitting" the environment will be, as the environment changes. But my point is that this isn't something new invented in 2005. It's always been this way.

People are way more insular and shored up in their little groups, and a lot of people flying solo are immersed in their mobile devices, earbuds jammed in their ears... perhaps looking for love on Tinder and chatting with friends on Reddit.

If you're going to a social outlet -- not just sitting on a bench at the mall, or trying to pick up a gal in the mall food court -- no, I don't see a difference. Sure, any isolated environment can change some... but even one of the same general genre doesn't. I've noticed no difference from late 90s to now. I haven't seen it become more "cliquey". It's just back then, when younger, I knew more people who knew people (social connections). Places could be very cliquey way-back when. Or notably more open. Again, not a new invention. But we're going to face the brunt of it more when we're older and some friends dissipate... or our small(er) group of friends are Older, and the gals? "They stay the same age".

There's so much more reliance of meeting people through online (it's second now to friends and family, I believe), which sucks because none of the apps are very good at all. They're worse than ever in my experience.

Most people I interact with when "out" -- don't really use online. Oh, I've come across people I know Of or know, once in a great while, but it's just a side-thing once in a while, and a few who are actively on it. In general, no, it's not a game-changer in the social weekend scene. It doesn't have an effect and create a "Don't talk to strangers" thing, when in the 90s-early 00s it was "Talk to Strangers, it's great!" :) Yes, you'll see a solo gal or a gal and her friend in a non-exciting environment punching away on their phones -- but that's out of boredom. It doesn't mean "Don't talk to me!" when you're in a bar-like atmosphere. It means "I'm Bored but I may right-this-moment in mid-text-convo, but jesus, relax."

Bullshit. There's been tons of change. The web apps have had a huge fallout in user bases, and many have moved over to Tinder or Bumble or whatever.

I'm not talking about the trend of popular-apps not changing -- I'm saying the way you go about it hasn't changed. There was one in the late 90s/early-00s called Hot or Not, which was the first to do the "must have mutual match to talk", btw, with basically no profile (an optional type-in blurb). It was decently popular at a peak time.

The main thing that changed about online dating is Options. It's Tougher Competition. Especially when you're now Older. Not arguing that. What I'm saying is that the things that one does -- the standard-ops of WHEN you get an interested or semi-interested party... is the same. After conversing for a little while, you throw out there if they'd like to go out some time, so you figure out if they were just bored but not That into you, and if so -- you meet up for a drink or lunch or laid-back dinner or whatever ... and the concept's the same as if you met at a bar days ago instead and were texting.

I had a few dates from here a bunch of years ago, but don't bother much with PoF these days because it's become way too whitetrashy, conservative, or hoodrat.

POF has ALWAYS had that stuff. It's a free site. :) You had better luck from here a bunch of years ago because you were younger + online hadn't hit it's peak yet; not quite as much competition.

Tinder's just a thing I don't get at all. Tried it when it first came out, got no matches. Tried it a couple of more times over the last half-decade or so.

It's the same as Hot or Not was in the late 90s / early 00s at it's peak. You LIKE them. You get Mutual LIKES, *then* you can write each other. It's as basic as it comes. Back then, and now -- no, it doesn't mean the gal's going to respond. :) And 10 years ago, a 38 year old MILF would be more willing to VS a 38 year old MILF now to ya. Even without tougher-competition now, 10 years later.

You calling me ugly? Ha ha!

A better catch thru pics+profile 10 years ago? Yeah, probably. Combine that with tougher competition? Yeah, it SHOULD have been easier back then. :)

Yes, it's tougher competition out there as the market dictates + you're older on top of it. It can be the same exact place, and you'll have the same frustrations. We can point to how a site's evolved some, etc etc -- but that's not necessary.

My whole point is: The FISHING part may have differed some ... but once you DO converse with an interested party, whether at the bar or online -- nothing's changed. And the environment hasn't changed that much in bars or online... it's just that we get older, and they stay the same age. So one should definitely adapt/keep-up with the times to a decent degree to lessen the blow... or go to different places where the crowd is older (that did Also exist "back then") -- and the luck could even be better than yesteryear.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 205
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 4:25:36 PM

Why do you even care if rando people on the Internet fvck or yank it or whatever? That shit's way weirder than swearing off dating. LOL.


I think he's hoping that the producers of "My Strange Addiction" will feature his story in a future episode.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 206
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 5:04:17 PM
Purple Rider wrote:
I think he's hoping that the producers of "My Strange Addiction" will feature his story in a future episode.
Putting me in the same company with a woman who has an addiction to eating her mattress?!?!?! Sounds about right, lol.... Maybe you know me better than I thought.

...But regarding that woman, I'm surprised we don't have some poor dude posting here who tried to date her. "Well, she was ****'ing me, and then....I mean...she just started chomping on my damn mattress!!!" She ate it! Who pays?!?! Should I make her pay for my mattress?!?! What should I do? Does it mean she's not interested?!?!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 207
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 6:12:03 PM
LOL ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ , You must wring your hands, twist a ring or two around your fingers, bite your finger nails, to the quick, and mutter, "Oh what to do, what to do, what to, what..............?
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 208
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 8:08:05 PM

Because it's probably statistically valid that those men who are having trouble coming to "grips" ..groan..with OLD are more likely to be yanking it. How's your sore elbow, btw?


I'm not sure what 'useful' information you're disseminating here. I came late into the thread.

All I can say, is that online/app dating is a frustrating non-starter for the most part. I can see why people would swear off it entirely...
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 209
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 8:55:32 PM

Yeah, but you (and I) are older. That's the real game-changer, is my point. A lower amount of people our age is going to bring less results... or going to the same place, sure, it changes (one place for the better, one place for the worst), when we stay the same. When it comes to our age Itself visually older + the more we stay-in-our-ways, the less "fitting" the environment will be, as the environment changes. But my point is that this isn't something new invented in 2005. It's always been this way.


You're assuming I'm limiting my search to people my age, +/- a hair, and that I "stay-in-my-ways". Life is a series of ever-changing environments, and I'm fine with that. I revel in it, frankly.



If you're going to a social outlet -- not just sitting on a bench at the mall, or trying to pick up a gal in the mall food court -- no, I don't see a difference. Sure, any isolated environment can change some... but even one of the same general genre doesn't. I've noticed no difference from late 90s to now.


Again, wholeheartedly disagree: Recall a coffee shop is '05, versus coffee shop in '18. The uptake in mobile device usage has been massive (I work in the consumer product industry, kinda part of what we research), and the shift away from meeting people in "meatspace", as they used to call it, has been a very real thing. Maybe not in Fort Wayne, Indiana, gee-yup, but the disconnect is real. It's not (quite) ubiquitous, but the barrier is prevalent.



The main thing that changed about online dating is Options. It's Tougher Competition.


The competition is the same (heteronormitively speaking), unless there's a gender imbalance for some reason (which honestly would favor men as they die off quicker, are far more likely to be incarcerated, deployed, homeless, or decide they like other men). Not to mention, as you get older (well, not geezer old), you've got a wider pool to draw from (both genders really) if you want to go up or down the age range... Well, you can go both directions when you're younger if you're a sicko, but let's assume the majority of people are not Roy Mooring it up.



You LIKE them. You get Mutual LIKES, *then* you can write each other. It's as basic as it comes.


I get how Tinder functions, Captain Pedantic. :-|

I just don't get the secret sauce of actually getting matches. Me (and my friends) aren't exactly imbued with the dankest of camera skills, but I think I got the, "has hobbies/passions, gets out of the house, travels, has friends, is good with kids, isn't a fat fvck, + obligatory dog pic" thing down. Throw in there the ability to write a blurb with proper grammar and punctuation and no pervtastic junk, and I should get SOMETHING... right?



A better catch thru pics+profile 10 years ago? Yeah, probably.


Speak for yourself, drive-in guy. I was way more of an awkward mess 10 years ago, wander-lusting and devoid of much of a social life. I'm in better shape, healthier, better dressed, in a better place mentally, in a better job, with better time management than ever. Maybe some of the rest of you built a up dad bod and moved into the wood shop, but that ain't me.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 210
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 9:15:58 PM

alpha_waves
I just don't get the secret sauce of actually getting matches. Me (and my friends) aren't exactly imbued with the dankest of camera skills, but I think I got the, "has hobbies/passions, gets out of the house, travels, has friends, is good with kids, isn't a fat fvck, + obligatory dog pic" thing down. Throw in there the ability to write a blurb with proper grammar and punctuation and no pervtastic junk, and I should get SOMETHING... right?

I don’t know how to break this to you, dude, but you have terrible pictures. And this is a visual medium. The pictures are much more important than the words. Much. And your attitude …
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 211
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 9:19:53 PM

I don’t know how to break this to you, dude, but you have terrible pictures. And this is a visual medium. The pictures are much more important than the words. Much. And your attitude …


How would you know what good pictures are like? Yours are far more garbage than mine.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 212
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 9:25:59 PM
Right, my pictures are terrible, and yours aren't. But I get dates, and you don't. Wonder why?

vvvvv to the below: I really doubt it. The women I know wouldn't want anything to do with your attitude. Most ladies of a certain age know better than to put up with bitter men
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 213
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 9:29:53 PM
Because you're in a completely different demographic, genius. I could bang ladies your age all the livelong day, if I wanted to.

Listen, I'm not taking photo advice from someone who can't even buy a pair of jeans that fit for his photo shoot outside the woodshed. Came back when you have something even 1/10th as good as my sailing pic*.

*Norwegainguy's already got that one down. ;-)
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 214
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/2/2018 9:40:11 PM

vvvvv to the below: I really doubt it. The women I know wouldn't want anything to do with your attitude. Most ladies of a certain age know better than to put up with bitter men


Well, I got a message from a 48 year old woman in my inbox today. I guess that's not close enough to the bingo crowd for you.

Plus: Only bitter with shitheads like you on forums like this. I'm fine IRL, and my profile isn't the least bit bitter if you actually read it, Zoomer.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 215
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/3/2018 12:02:15 AM

You're assuming I'm limiting my search to people my age, +/- a hair, and that I "stay-in-my-ways".

Changes will happen either way, pretty much most of the time. Whether you're hanging out on a college campus @ college bars where the top age is usually 25, or you're going out to places with many people within your age range, with many gals w/ kids, divorced, etc -- things will change, relative to you in-current-time.

Life is a series of ever-changing environments, and I'm fine with that. I revel in it, frankly.

Or complaining about it, not adapting well enough to your liking. :) One the main things is the social grouping which changes for us, another is our looks & taste and what we can get. Sure, there's a little change in reference to what you refer to ("It's society's changing, not me") -- but my point is, it's actually not the elephant in the room, even though that'd be more comforting to accept, at the end of the day. Easier than accepting that 90% of it is where We are at right now, while 10% of it is society changing --- as far as getting dates is concerned at bars, or how it is online.

Recall a coffee shop is '05, versus coffee shop in '18. The uptake in mobile device usage has been massive

Yes, a loner can isolate themselves much better in a coffee shop. Yes. If one's a coffee-shop pickup guy, I agree with your point -- it'd be tougher. That said, I live by a 24-hour non-chain coffee shop, and swing in every once in a while. People are there generally to be in social environments, and they can't complain if you get a seat right next to them and tap them on the shoulder and say "hi" when they got earbuds... although the main point is this: not everyone does, it's still a social environment. But again, don't rely on coffee shops or passers by. Yeah, a higher % with earbuds in. That's not the downfall of your "luck". If for some reason that was your bread & butter you truly Relied on -- to go to a Starbucks or other chain place, or unique places where people now do put their headphones in, I can see it forcing you to open your options like most everyone.

I get how Tinder functions, Captain Pedantic. :-|

I just don't get the secret sauce of actually getting matches.

There doesn't have to be secret sauce. It's not trying. It only puts people up near the top of the list based on activity level or if they swiped Yes on you. Otherwise, it's just a shuffle. The system itself isn't the match-maker. It leaves it up to Basics. You: Male, 40, x-miles away. You put in a blurb, that helps -- or shys them away. Seeing that it has less folks for mid-30s+, yeah, you have a higher hill to climb. Still works though. I get matches. But since it's so popular, a gal swiping-Right mutually with ya, doesn't mean she won't have her hands full of dudes and reply to ya.

Any lack of "catches" -- basically isn't the world-changing -- it's your marketability. Which will go down for anyone from 30 -> 40 on there. The concept and motif remains the same (if anything, a few more older folks have come in; but, tougher competition).

I'm in better shape, healthier, better dressed, in a better place mentally, in a better job, with better time management than ever.

Yet, your options aren't there. It must be society that's changed -- not how you're marketing yourself, your attitude about dating, how you project yourself, etc? Mingling with strangers in bars in general... if you garner their interest, you'll get contact info (or more) that night. What are you saying? Girls don't like boys anymore, since it can't be your issue as you improved your looks?
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 216
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/3/2018 1:06:11 PM

Changes will happen either way, pretty much most of the time. Whether you're hanging out on a college campus @ college bars where the top age is usually 25, or you're going out to places with many people within your age range, with many gals w/ kids, divorced, etc -- things will change, relative to you in-current-time.


I don't even know where to go that would have people “specifically in my age range". I don't go out all that often to begin with, certainly not to “pick up chicks”... and when I do go out, it's based on my interests (like a show), or the crowd I fit with (like the alt crowd), or convenient to where I live and work (like for happy hour), and not “the 40 year old bar”... and MOST of those venues, like I said, tend to span a diversity of ages.



Or complaining about it, not adapting well enough to your liking. :) One the main things is the social grouping which changes for us, another is our looks & taste and what we can get. Sure, there's a little change in reference to what you refer to ("It's society's changing, not me") -- but my point is, it's actually not the elephant in the room, even though that'd be more comforting to accept, at the end of the day. Easier than accepting that 90% of it is where We are at right now, while 10% of it is society changing --- as far as getting dates is concerned at bars, or how it is online/


The only thing I'd complain about it is online/app dating, which makes sense because, low-and-behold, this is a forum for online dating. Shocker, I know. :-| If I was to **** about the prices of recording software... that'll almost certainly happen on a recording forum. Derp.

I mean we all change (I think I've changed for the better overall... as that's the goal, as it should be), AND society changes. It's not one or the other. I mean, where am I right now? I'm educated, I've got my career in swing, I'm living active & healthy, mastered my crafts to good extent, got the time and disposable income to do the things I want, travel, etc. In a good place to meet someone with settling down as the eventual goal... have a kid or two, buy a house. Does that sound LESS marketable to you?



Yes, a loner can isolate themselves much better in a coffee shop. Yes. If one's a coffee-shop pickup guy, I agree with your point -- it'd be tougher. That said, I live by a 24-hour non-chain coffee shop, and swing in every once in a while. People are there generally to be in social environments, and they can't complain if you get a seat right next to them and tap them on the shoulder and say "hi" when they got earbuds... although the main point is this: not everyone does, it's still a social environment. But again, don't rely on coffee shops or passers by. Yeah, a higher % with earbuds in. That's not the downfall of your "luck". If for some reason that was your bread & butter you truly Relied on -- to go to a Starbucks or other chain place, or unique places where people now do put their headphones in, I can see it forcing you to open your options like most everyone.


Coffee shops used to be a big part of scene here. Not so much these days, but still I met a lot of women in coffee shops back in the day. They were places that had regulars and a community... they're for passers-through now, checking their social media accounts while they order a latte... and that's just fine. I just don't get how you could say they're the same, though.

Let's take this off dating for a moment: If I wanted to meet prospective bandmates in the early/mid-oughts, those would have been good spots to do it. Now, just like dating, you look on the internet. Shit, the band I was in in Portland that started way back in '08, we met through a forum and NOT any venue in town. The shift was already happening. Online is a bigger part of the equation, bro. It's a fact.

As for chatting up a girl at a coffee house: Just to see if I was right, I posited the concept of it on the Reddit forums a little ways back, and I got TORN TO SHREDS for even mentioning the idea of it. The context has changed, Mr. #StuffdoesntchangeYouchange. Sorry. People in general don't like to be chatted up in public anymore. If they wanted a date, they'd go to Tinder. Almost no one goes to a coffee shop with the hopes of meeting someone anymore. They're studying, on the computer/phone, working, etc. Don't be an annoying twat.



There doesn't have to be secret sauce. It's not trying. It only puts people up near the top of the list based on activity level or if they swiped Yes on you. Otherwise, it's just a shuffle. The system itself isn't the match-maker. It leaves it up to Basics. You: Male, 40, x-miles away. You put in a blurb, that helps -- or shys them away. Seeing that it has less folks for mid-30s+, yeah, you have a higher hill to climb. Still works though. I get matches. But since it's so popular, a gal swiping-Right mutually with ya, doesn't mean she won't have her hands full of dudes and reply to ya.

Any lack of "catches" -- basically isn't the world-changing -- it's your marketability. Which will go down for anyone from 30 -> 40 on there. The concept and motif remains the same (if anything, a few more older folks have come in; but, tougher competition).


Again, you're ASSUMING my age range is super limited, but unlike yourself, I'm not obsessed with it. Granted, I'd like to have a kid or two, and there's some of nature's mechanics going on there, so there's a little end-bracketing involved, but I'm casting a pretty wide net here otherwise. I dunno about on here, I don't really do much searching on Plenty of Townies, but Tinder seems to have a lot of younger women with me in their age range preferences, so obviously not a big deal. Actually, I see far fewer women older than me, so I guess older women don't date down as much. I dunno. Either way, there's plenty of people looking.

I just think you're shit at math, Norwegian. I know there are fewer unmarried women as you get into your mid- to late- '30s. Duh, statistics... BUT, for every woman married out of this so-called “competition” you're talking about, a man gets married out of it too. Bigger city? More users? More men AND women. The options/”competition” doesn't change unless the genders go out of balance... and, yeah, I don't live in Alaska. Who's this new competition? Male immigrants (to which more immigrate than women)? Day laborers with no education and a marginal grasp on English?

I'm not sure what your point is here posting, or what exactly your recommendation is for successful online dating (that I'm not already doing). You either haven't said, or it's because I came into this thread late. Either that, or you're an apologist for how shitty this platform is, making excuses for it's shortcomings.
 YouRAWancar
Joined: 12/29/2017
Msg: 217
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/3/2018 1:57:43 PM

I'm not sure what your point is here posting, or what exactly your recommendation is for successful online dating (that I'm not already doing)...


The only recommendation that can be made to set someone up for success is to let them know that it is impossible and also rather dumb to assign a pass or fail to an outcome of a situation where you are not in control, like online dating.

It is when people think that finding a mate is like solving a math problem and they just need things to add up and it will all work out.

The funny thing is, people who think this way are also quick to blame the system when they do not get their expected result.





...Either that, or you're an apologist for how shitty this platform is, making excuses for it's shortcomings.


So true, as I know in the 90's it was the terrible font that the newspapers used that was the reason why people could not find dates.

The only shortcoming on pof are people that seem to think the site needs to do all the work, or fail to understand that the main driver behind all the features is that they are just primers designed to increase your chances of sending a first contact messages.

As that is literally the one and only thing that mathematically can be proven to increase your chances. (though people must understand that increasing a very small number by a very small amount may not show up on an individual level, but when applies to a large group consistently shows results)
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 218
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/3/2018 2:21:18 PM

So true, as I know in the 90's it was the terrible font that the newspapers used that was the reason why people could not find dates.

The only shortcoming on pof are people that seem to think the site needs to do all the work, or fail to understand that the main driver behind all the features is that they are just primers designed to increase your chances of sending a first contact messages.


Take easy there, shill. Pretty sure want ads were a shitty way to find a date in '90s (I was there and I don't remember anyone doing that shit, ha ha!).

As for PoF, go to any site (like say, Reddit), that's not just a bunch of long-time geezer PoF users, and it's pretty much unanimous that this place is the bottom of the barrel so far as dating sites go.
 YouRAWancar
Joined: 12/29/2017
Msg: 219
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/3/2018 3:22:08 PM

Take easy there, shill. Pretty sure want ads were a shitty way to find a date in '90s (I was there and I don't remember anyone doing that shit, ha ha!).


Right, so anyone that complains the literal buffet of selection that they have to choose from and the ability to contact them with the push of a button must be not really understanding just how good they have it.





As for PoF, go to any site (like say, Reddit), that's not just a bunch of long-time geezer PoF users, and it's pretty much unanimous that this place is the bottom of the barrel so far as dating sites go.


The funny thing about that statement is that if one was to go to Reddit and try and use the search function they would quickly understand it is one of the worst clusterf*cks to exist on the internet, but it thrives for the same reason as POF.

It is not about the platform but the users, so when it comes to the place with the most people match certainly understood that pof was a gold mine, or maybe you are claiming to be better educated on the value of a dating site than they are.
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 220
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 9:09:31 AM
Reddit HAS an actual user base. A massive one. Good luck on convincing anyone that the PoF forums are a better representation of Internet users than Reddit. Companies regularly survey it to be on the pulse if things... no one's watching this grumpy old shithole... including PoF itself, ha ha.

I agree the platform is as much about it's user base as it's functionality (but let's be honest, functionality matters), and PoF's user base sucks. Not sure what it is (hilariously out-of-date UI, perhaps), but it ain't attracting the cream of the crop. It's an Internet trailer park.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 221
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 9:19:28 AM
^^^
I agree the platform is as much about it's user base as it's functionality (but let's be honest, functionality matters), and PoF's user base sucks. Not sure what it is (hilariously out-of-date UI, perhaps), but it ain't attracting the cream of the crop. It's an Internet trailer park.


And yet here YOU are, looking quite comfortable here, kicking back---at least in your profile pic.

hahaha

;-)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 222
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 12:36:11 PM

alpha_waves
PoF's user base sucks. Not sure what it is (hilariously out-of-date UI, perhaps), but it ain't attracting the cream of the crop. It's an Internet trailer park.


MsSkeezix
And yet here YOU are, looking quite comfortable here, kicking back---at least in your profile pic.

hahaha

;-)

And let us not forget, over in another thread, where he stated that he is only bitter with us here in the forums, he is not that way IRL.

We should all thank him for coming around and delivering his daily dose of bitterness here in the forums. We would be lost without it, I’m sure.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 223
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 12:51:18 PM

I don't even know where to go that would have people “specifically in my age range". I don't go out all that often to begin with

That hits my point where I'm coming from, in a nutshell. If you were born 20 years prior, you'd fall into the same trap from 25 -> 40. If you don't go out that much, And you don't know where people go where it's more fitting/successful/posh/whatever for those in a different age range -- you can't blame society's changing as the focal point. This isn't some new concept, just because Narrowly specific places like coffee houses Are affected by more specific modern changes. There's plenty of college-esque coffee joints where people still Do mingle, but, yeah, it's not going to be the same when you're 24 vs 40 -- especially since it's less prevalent nowadays.

or convenient to where I live and work (like for happy hour), and not “the 40 year old bar”.

It doesn't have to be a 40-year-old-bar. And yes, Happy Hour tends to be better for those over 30, and especially over 40 VS night-life. I always called that the "day shift" vs "night shift". In many circles, the older folks go in after work on Friday for Happy Hour, and go home to their wife/husband/kids around 8-9, and then around 9-10, the younger crowd comes strolling in. But even with this -- ymmv. Different environments bring different results. The world doesn't revolve around us. Everything isn't on the same wavelength as how any generic coffee house used to be a better place to mingle and now most of them it's not so great (especially with so many popping up and spread out+inet). We WANT to think that, by default. Makes it easier. "Nothing I can do, I get to stay in my comfort zone, because it wouldn't change otherwise."

I mean we all change (I think I've changed for the better overall... as that's the goal, as it should be), AND society changes. It's not one or the other.

I agree -- my point is, it's not so much society changing. The BASICS are still there, always have been. If one goes dateless and it's damn-near impossible to get a # -- it's them, not society. And we do change for the better in stats (or worse, too) -- but so does our mindset/tastes/etc without even fully realizing it, at least to some extent. My point is: It's still the same game -- the game hasn't changed. Certain things have, but it's the basic ground rules.

Take someone in college living in a college-city. They go to grad school, and they move 2-3 hours away for a job, etc @ 24-25 years old. Ok. Society In General didn't change from 1-2 years ago. But his Surroundings did. That doesn't mean Life Changes. In his college-area, even in These times, mingling was fine in a coffee house within a bike ride from campus. Now? Sh!t. Sucks! Society as a whole didn't change at all -- it was this way 3-4 years ago, he just didn't get here yet. And he doesn't have hardly any social connections out here -- it sucks to him! Bahh!

Speaking of college -- same thing people talk about one Campus vs Another. One college isn't fun socially, but another is great fun -- when another person -- who's not different in their ways, says the opposite or that both places are. Why? Social Connections that are formed, how they flow/adapt/mold to things. But it's easier just to say "Ball State sucks, Indiana State is great," instead. :)

As for chatting up a girl at a coffee house: Just to see if I was right, I posited the concept of it on the Reddit forums a little ways back, and I got TORN TO SHREDS for even mentioning the idea of it.

Well, here's the thing. I know of a coffee house that's not on a college campus (but college kids Do hang there, and not far from an extended campus) -- where it IS OK to chat up with a gal at one. BUT, (not to harp on this coffee house thing), yeah -- utilizing general coffee houses as your resevoir to Pick Up gals, isn't ideal. And I'm sure you'd Still get torn apart in '99 by many for it (in forums, they'll tear you apart for anything questionable - lol).

People in general don't like to be chatted up in public anymore. If they wanted a date, they'd go to Tinder.

I think that's exaggerated. I'll agree -- it's dwindled some, but it was never THE thing to do. People weren't picking others up in grocery store parking lots. I think at places like coffee houses, people being at home more by default, want to get more of their stuff done outside of it, and more coffee houses that have sprung up in more modern times is due to more people not treating it like a bar. BTW: Go to various bars, and also for nostalgia-attachment sake, find a certain coffee house or Hookah lounge, if available, that is social after many visits to assess. :)

Altogether though, the thing is, you Can pick up gals in non-meet-someone environments. It never was an easy task, still isn't. Social connections less, due to being older, changing, time passing? Even with Zero changes in society, it would be harder for ya.

Again, you're ASSUMING my age range is super limited, but unlike yourself, I'm not obsessed with it.

I'm not obsessed with it. And I'm not saying it's super limited, but when you're 40 vs 25, social connections less VS then as you don't go out much -- yeah, it's not working in your favor. There are people around 40 who hang out at places where most people are younger -- but bank on it not being an 18-and-up club. It's that you change your selections, you get out there, you adapt, like you would if you were born 20 years prior and you were 40 in 1998.

BUT, for every woman married out of this so-called “competition” you're talking about, a man gets married out of it too.

Yes, but the more attractive women are off the market. Not even by settling down, either. Go to a non-social-club -- but just a random place and gather gals 22-25. Now do the same for gals 35-38. Measure looks. Yeah, there'll be some lookers in both depts -- but the # of ones you find attractive? Difference. More in the latter having kids and tied up more, don't like going out as much, etc. Tougher.

I'm not sure what your point is here posting, or what exactly your recommendation is for successful online dating

My point is that:
- The basics in (non-online) Dating are the Same, as far as ability to get #s, interest, etc.
- Online dating is tougher to get a real "bite" VS the mid 00's, yes. But once you DO -- a real bite of interest, no, nothing substantial's changed. Basics are the same.
- We change, our social connections change, particular hang-outs we've gone to change, etc. Even from college/college-ish days, to moving to a suburb-city where you're starting new, you're going to feel what you're feeling. But society as a whole, as far as being able to get a date? No, it's pretty much the same. Our marketability changes depending on how we adapt -- and can be for the worse if we don't recognize. Even if we're in better shape and "hey, I got a degree!", then, and now.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 224
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 1:37:39 PM
ohenryx wrote:


And let us not forget, over in another thread, where he stated that he is only bitter with us here in the forums, he is not that way IRL.

We should all thank him for coming around and delivering his daily dose of bitterness here in the forums. We would be lost without it, I’m sure.


And let's not forget this tidbit earlier in this thread where he stated: "I could bang ladies your age all the livelong day, if I wanted to."

In your dreams bucko~
 alpha__waves
Joined: 11/6/2017
Msg: 225
Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 2:51:57 PM

And let's not forget this tidbit earlier in this thread where he stated: "I could bang ladies your age all the livelong day, if I wanted to."

In your dreams bucko~


Why is it that I always get hit on when my buddy drags me up to the infamous cougar bar up his way, then? Hmmmm... I say no every time, because yeah, you're not in Bucko's dreams.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 226
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Dating sure has changed , shallow women
Posted: 1/4/2018 3:11:05 PM

Why is it that I always get hit on when my buddy drags me up to the infamous cougar bar up his way, then?

Wait -- mixing forum thread topics a bit -- but why complain about the dating scene, when you have cougars at your disposal?
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