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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 25
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his housePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I've talked to him about it yesterday when he came in and found out that he's been talking to a physiologist about us and fear of us living together. I've offered to move out but he told me no. He wants us to be together.

Because if you moved out -- you two would basically be broken up. If not immediately, in the very near future. That's what happens over 95% of the time to couples of all types.

Why did he ask me to move in if he has doubts? I did give him plenty of opportunities to forget the whole thing before actually moving in.

He was into the idea on paper. He wanted to escalate the Relationship. But then after you moved in, after the excitement that you were, he was then like "Oh, wait. What's this moving-in together thing like, again?" People can be like that when they like the idea of something that the other isn't so keen on... makes them like it more than they actually do underneath it all. Then when they get it and the dust settles, it isn't as good (doesn't mean BAD, but the Umph was about the chase itself).

I don't expect us to be 24/7 together but we do need to spend some time together, right? Since we are living together now, should I be seeing more of him, not much less?

Well, yeah. I think sometimes people with no intentions, Because they're Living-With the other, can end up spending less time "out" with them. But there's a little more to it than that, of course. As he said, he's seeing a therapist about his issues living together... so yeah, he is going to want to get out of the house more during this figuring-out thing.

I would advise you BOTH go out a lot -- that way he experiences you Outside the house and not isolated as, sigh, "the girl" I have to come home to, ya know?
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 26
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/16/2017 5:43:35 PM
greatgal1977- beercookies (post#20)came closet to what I suspect............
Did you give him money when you moved in, or did you agree to share expenses, or both?
If the answer is yes, you just got taken for a ride.
Save as quickly as you can, get out and cut off contact.
If no, something is still VERY wrong.
Sit him down, express, (calmly) what you have said here and see what he says, then see what he DOES and that is key. Unless something major changes, you should move out, ASAP.
(All this time I've been gone and people STILL move in with other people when they have doubts, UNREAL. The more things change, the more they stay the same)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 27
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/18/2017 11:56:41 AM

Did you give him money when you moved in, or did you agree to share expenses, or both?
If the answer is yes, you just got taken for a ride.

Giving him money just by moving in (security deposit out of nowhere?) -- yeah, that's weird. But to share expenses? Yeah, you should. Otherwise, if one was to be paranoid, it'd be the other way around, that the one moving in would be getting a free ride.

There's (unfortunately) plenty of guys and gals wanting to move in too-soon. Sure, him struggling to make mortgage payments and a GF moving in would be a greater motivator for it... but they were dating for 6 months when he brought it up and she said yes. 6 months is too soon, but they were friends from 3 years ago -- so it's not the craziest notion. Way "quicker" things have happened.

No assumptive theories about being taken for money required, IMO. 3 years ago they went on some dates, but then became friends and have been since. They start dating after being friends-first, and 4 months in he brings up the idea to move in. She says too fast, he backs off, but asks 6 months into being BF/GF. She says yes. This was 1 month ago. After getting settled in, he's now distant, and admits he has issues with it.

It's more believable he was chasing her this whole time and wanting to bring the relationship up to a higher level (he's known her for 3 years; dated for a half year now after the chase) -- and wanted the idea of moving in, but then realizes -- ehhhh, I didn't think this through. At most dealing with $$, by assumption, making mortgage payments easier with a contribution on her part (which she should do) could have propelled him, along with the chase -- to help him over-look how really ready HE was for actually Living Together in his own house that's not run by just him anymore. :)
 npw7557
Joined: 7/20/2015
Msg: 28
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/29/2017 7:52:45 PM
You said you liked time to yourself in your first post and told him that.
Now he is giving you space you are complaining !

Poor bloke must be very confused coz I am !
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 29
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/30/2017 8:56:34 AM
Typical Mars/Venus bullish!t

Guy doesn’t want to spend money on endless courtship and figures he’ll save by skipping to cohabiting and getting her to pay for the platinum cable upgrade and get rid of Netflix.

Now Venus is burnt out channel surfing and wants to revert back to endless courtship.

Sorry toots, you fell hook line and sinka!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 30
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/31/2017 1:59:14 AM

Now Venus is burnt out channel surfing and wants to revert back to endless courtship.

Sorry toots, you fell hook line and sinka!

Well, again, it's not that they're not courting and things are dull... as she said in her last post, he admitted he's having issues with the whole living-together thing and talks with his therapist about it. They knew each other for over 3 years. He probably chased her as friends when she didn't want to date initially 3 years ago... finally got her after 3 years... so months into dating he probably wanted to Solidify things and it not ending up like last time... and since he knew her for so long it wasn't going to be some "jump", right? Well, wrong - lol. He's sorta not liking the situation since she's moved in.

So she has reason to be upset/concerned about it all. She's just wondering what made him go from 60 to 0 so swiftly? I don't think it's about using her for $ if their relationship was just great + good friends for 3 years, as suggested earlier. Doesn't seem to add up, really in that regard. Even if that was a Positive motivator, it wouldn't make one instantly want to not be around them when they have for 3+ years.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 31
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 10/31/2017 3:17:22 AM
"Guy doesn't want to spend money on endless courtship"

>>>I wonder how many long term relationships lead to cheating...when the guy started acting like an old phart and stopped "Dating" or "Courting" or just taking out the woman in his life? The romance dies when a guy takes his woman for granted. Of course, that road goes both ways, its nice when a lady is romantic as well. But, there's an old saying about women, like plants, need some attention. We don't really reach an age where we stop feeling wanting to feel we're needed or desired by someone. Back when I used to flirt like crazy, I can remember some married coworkers responding. Wasn't even my intention.

"now, Venus is burned out, channel surfing"

>>>it does help if we have passions/interests that are more than just material. A collection of guitars is interesting for only so long, but a person who can play the guitar well...is interesting for a lot longer.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 32
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/3/2017 10:34:24 PM
you now know how he is to live with. He feels he can just do what he wishes and is already beginning to take you for granted.
It is early days however and he has to realise he has made a commitment for you to be together and has to be less selfish or you will disappear. I would have kept my own place on for a while and not burned any bridges. If you had fears and doubts and had not a long term steady relationship beforehand I think you should have delayed the moving in.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 33
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/3/2017 11:00:01 PM
Mustang, seems some guys don't want to recognize women are different from men. If a man can't acknowledge this simple fact, because it may mean doing something for their partner, they will remain alone. POF would have a lot less men here, if the women-hating men left. I actually would implore these men to keep these obvious poor attitudes, as it helps to eliminate them
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 34
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 6:03:13 AM
"Seems some guys don't want to recognize women are different from men"

>>I believe we want similar goals, but we differ in how we get to those goals. Recognizing the difference in others requires...whatever the opposite of intellectual laziness is :) A parent, for example, might refuse to understand why their child doesn't process things the way an adult mind would, b/c it requires patience (and maybe a little consideration) to do so. A childhood where the child is constantly punished for not acting the way a mature adult would, is probably not going to be a fun childhood.

People born into wealth, may wonder why "poor people" think and thus react and thus act the way they do. And so on. We may start off great as a couple, and then years down the road one utters, "Why don't they see my money the way I see my money?" For some reason or many, we lose the empathy. We don't walk a mile in their shoes anymore.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 35
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 11:53:14 AM
I don't know about that. There are a lot of men that only want sex, which is fine, but then they're here pretending to want a relationship that goes beyond sex to appeal to what many women want.

We certainly can be poor learners, both men and women. Parents have to start early trying to instill right and wrong in a child while the child is being exposed to situations that arise, before the child may have a true understanding of what it means. For example, sharing. They can't be exposed to other children and cause havoc when they want to not share theirs or take another child's toys. Next lesson, don't whack a kid in the head with toys. They're being taught sharing and what pain is. They may not fully understand the concepts, but they need to be taught right away anyway.

When we learn and understand what's right, sometimes we don't have empathy for those with poor judgment. The poor judgment can be from relatively smart people who are really just doing what they want at the time and don't care what the consequences are. Like people that bang out their credit cards with no intention of paying it off when required or paying it at all. That's one thing I see a lot that I don't have empathy for. But you know it's not just the credit card, it's the domino effect of it ruining their credit and then having to spend more money, being charged higher interest rates or just not being able to buy something.
 ThroatLozenge
Joined: 3/2/2016
Msg: 36
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 3:49:04 PM
We’re so blessed to have the wisdom of PoF’s financial adviser

Da fuq?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 37
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 5:37:13 PM
What happened, Dirty John was taken? That was the guy's name in the series.

I have financial advice for you. Find a wealthy woman


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread. Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread, so chill out
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 38
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 6:07:19 PM

What happened, Dirty John was taken? That was the guy's name in the series.


Well, he's dead now, so the name is available again.
He left no male heirs.(fortunately)


We don't walk a mile in their shoes anymore.


Most people don't even want to walk a mile in their OWN shoes.

Which is part of the reason there is an overweight/obesity problem.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/4/2017 8:44:27 PM

you now know how he is to live with. He feels he can just do what he wishes and is already beginning to take you for granted.

I don't think it's so much with the latter, though. He reveals he was talking to a therapist about it, and was lobbying her to move for a good while, and they've been friends for 3 years and have been dating for many months after just being friends. It's not taking her for granted per se, but wanting to air-himself-out, right off the bat. Taking one for granted after lobbying them hard to move in -- isn't going to settle in right off the bat like it did with them. It seems clear it was an "Oh sh!t, this wasn't a good idea," from his perspective, which probably has a lot to do with him too, but didn't think about it. I wouldn't chalk it up as a guy's-taking-gal-for-granted scenario -- I think something much more weird/unique underneath it all to "poof" happen like that, out of the gates.

Mustang, seems some guys don't want to recognize women are different from men.

I don't think it's that. Women vary. A lot. The whole Mars / Venus thing is BS. So after getting settled in, they know Said Gal they're with is different than a guy (or much the same VS other gals or whatever; mileage varies A Lot). I don't think it's that guys think "Oh, chicks are just like dudes, she's got no issues," I think it's more like "Meh, chicks suck, I Wish they were more like guys," when they run into the "classical" gal who wants more attention than given, when the given amt is seemingly adequate. Of course, I don't think this is the issue with the OP.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 40
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/5/2017 4:18:20 PM
"men pretend to want a relationship, in order to get sex"

>>>alas, what would happen if we told the truth? :)

some people learn to only do right in order to avoid trouble. But when doing right causes more work? Of course, there is little way to fix stupid. Sometimes, a parent has to let their child do something the wrong way, in order to learn.
 CrazyCatLadyLookin
Joined: 9/21/2012
Msg: 41
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/5/2017 4:27:53 PM

Watch POLTERGEIST and "Get OuuuuuuuTTT!!!" He had his chance, go back to what suits you. YOU were sincere, HE WAS NOT


+1.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 42
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/5/2017 8:27:11 PM
NG, I wish you could let my past POF date know it's women that want excessive attention. Apparently he didn't get the memo. I don't know what that Mars Venus book is about. Of course women are all different.

Mustang, ya know, there are plenty of women that are down for just having sex. Women like to check out different guys, see what they're like, sample different equipment. If it's okay for men to lie to get sex, then I guess it's okay when certain women use men for dinners?
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 43
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/17/2017 12:32:03 PM
Tell him you got a life too !which will never again revolve around him! Move out if he insists on an argument don't bother yourself just say thanks for the long snub been an absolute pleasure! Now time to find myself some real action with something in my view at least half the time
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/17/2017 3:06:50 PM

NG, I wish you could let my past POF date know it's women that want excessive attention.

It's a people thing. You'll just find a higher % of gals who's focal point is Attention. But regardless of gender, in the case of one emotionally chasing the other, they'll be craving attention (validation). When we're not that into them, or they're expressively ga-ga Way too soon (first date from online after just a little chit-chat??) -- we don't like it. When we Really like them, it ain't no thing... and if anything, a good thing much of that time.

I don't know what that Mars Venus book is about. Of course women are all different.

Damn skippy, couldn't agree with you more. Mars & Venus is a stereotypical book about the genders & romance/dating/etc. Sure, books like that, along with astrology, can end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy to readers who Want to believe it -- but in the end, women (and men) vary. A lot. More variance within a gender, than the differences between genders. We tend to forget or not want so much to believe this -- because it adds complexity to it all.

But bear it in mind when it comes to "what men are Supposed to do" or "what women are Supposed to do" -- not out of taste but out of Supposed-ta -- when it comes not to a right or wrong, but a taste issue (and not treating it as if it Is a right or wrong). EX: Who pays when nobody specifically asked (to take) anyone out, sex on the 3rd date, purposely casually dating, meet-the-parents, etc. Some people will call something Wronging a gal, for example, by sleeping with her on a 3rd date when the guy, yeah, positively encourages it. Some gals want to, and some gals will want to before a guy does. A different (and stronger) social shame on a gal for doing so, so she's usually not going to publicly say it or even be honest with herself about it (thus, among friends, "No, Sally's not like that!" "But Barb, did you ever go out on dates with Sally?").

there are plenty of women that are down for just having sex. Women like to check out different guys, see what they're like, sample different equipment.

Totally agree. If women want to, they're much of the time not seen as "using a guy" or being crude to a guy. And although gals will much easier get a "slut scoff" (namely by other women) for doing so, but they, unlike guys, won't be seen as f-ing someone over -- just f-ing. So why do guys get the assumption-stamp of f-ing over a gal when that's the main focus on his mind? It gets stamped that way if the gal Does Like the guy for more than that, and they feel rejected. It softens the blow that he just wanted a blow, as opposed to "Yeah, he can do better for true dating. He just went with the flow, and I was hoping he'd end up wanting more about me, but he's not that into me. Woulda been that way whether or not we hooked up at the end of the date." It also softens the blow due to the fear of the assumption-stamp of being "slutty", sleeping with them "too swiftly". Yeah, I'm not naughty -- I was just used! Yeah, that's it! ;)
 saintclara
Joined: 5/30/2017
Msg: 45
We moved in and now I am all alone in his house
Posted: 12/17/2017 3:25:27 PM
So why do guys get the assumption-stamp of f-ing over a gal when that's the main focus on his mind?

Because you lie about wanting a relationship and are not as upfront ! You string them along being vague so you can take sex rather than have it! You like to torture a women that wants more so in end she is confused due to the psychological abuse you inflict so it's not double standards because women are more hey I'm up for some fun! So men are glad to give it and so they should! Men on other hand don't need to lie either they can go to escorts if they feel horny but you don't because you enjoy the lying the stringing them along the making them beg for your ugly ass feel gutted the ego boost this is thing that pisses women off not that you don't commit because usually by time she finds out what you are really like she feels as hot for you as miss frigid knickers and would rather spend ten years behind bars than commit to you evil fckers:)
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