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 verybadsanta
Joined: 3/9/2006
Msg: 73
Just a thoughtPage 7 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Perhaps you are moving to the actual meeting and dating too soon. I know that it can be tempting to jump right in before you know how deep the water is.

Suggestion:
Make a written list of questions about things that are important to you.
Don't be shy -- BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF.
Make a point of getting them into chats or emails at some point BEFORE actually meeting. Even if you email the entire list to a "prospect" requesting specific answers. If a guy is truly interested and has nothing to hide, he shouldn't have a problem answering them. If he does, he probably is a waste of time and JUST looking to get laid.

Hope it helps --- verybadsanta in Mesa, AZ
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 74
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/9/2006 12:19:19 PM
Sure, it would be dispiriting to never have email or never meet. It is also disheartening to spend months talking to perhaps hundreds of guys and never have a single one of them follow through and meet face to face.

It makes me look at every guy who sends me an email with a jaundiced eye. Why should I be willing to spend anytime getting to know someone when they are just playing some kind of bizarre game and have no intention of actually meeting?

The problem isn't that WOMEN are evil cows, or that men are azzes, the problem is internet dating.

If you're not Barbie or Ken then you are far far better off forgetting about this medium and looking for realtionships in the real world.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 76
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/9/2006 2:41:01 PM
Okay greymatter, let me summarize.....
some of us have no chance of ever dating
only YOU are qualified to say who falls into this category
and none of us, regardless of the paucity of our chances to date, are allowed to bow out of the game because YOU have decided we should stay

Exactly who died and made you god?
 lizzy915
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 79
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/14/2006 9:06:42 PM
I've been online dating for 5 years. I have met quite a few interesting people. It wasn't until I met my current partner (we're working things thru at this time) almost a year ago in Jan. Don't lose heart. Your dream man is out there somewhere.
 Huggablehottie
Joined: 8/3/2006
Msg: 82
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/15/2006 4:50:09 PM
redhott,
you do have my support, I do understand your frustration!
 jheldatksuedu
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 83
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/16/2006 8:49:53 AM
LeeW : but a person that goes behind ones back and starts online chatting with other men with me being included in the conversation of what I like and don't like....I have to draw the line some where...plus the fact of her planning to meet other guys..

This shows a problem here, Many people online think that if they are talking to somebody that all talk with other people should stop. On the internet it's mostly just words, words are cheap, anybody that would put all their eggs in a basket made of internet words, is building themselves up for a big hurt. You can't expect other people to believe your words even if they are true because there are so many on here that don't put any value in their words and internet communication. Meeting is the only way to ever really learn anything about somebody, and their values, then you can start to put value on the words that are typed to you. Even after meeting you still have to have doubts, but eventually and hopefully you can built trust up enough to completely open up to someone.

It's the facts of life, most people in the world are liars and cheats if they think they can't or won't be caught. The internet and email is a perfect smoke screen for liars and cheats to hide behind. It brings out the worst in those types of people. This makes it's difficult for the few of us that are open, honest and sincere. Understand the media and deal with it as best you can, try to trust, but be suspicious, be honest and open, but be careful too. It's a fine line to balance on, and unfortunately for most women, it's much easier to deal with if your a big strong man that can run fast.

Jon
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 84
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:06:03 AM
You're pretty and obviously intelligent, but your profile has a negative ring to it.

Dwell on the positive and ignore the negative posts men send you.

To put up stop signs warning ALL men makes you look standoffish and hard. All men don't need stop signs to know how to treat you and behave and just ignore the ones that do and you'll find Mr. Right much sooner.

You're obviously not pathetic, but perhaps your own worst enemy in finding men?
 pokerjimmy
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 85
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:08:10 AM
You're at a great place right now. Just check your mail...send out "hellos" to those YOU'RE interested in and it will happen.

You might also check Craigslist.org for the same type of additional free service
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 86
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/16/2006 9:40:08 AM

send out "hellos" to those YOU'RE interested in and it will happen


and maybe 1 out of 100 will respond...



Face it, online dating is a lot of work for very little (if any) return.

To paraphrase a buddy

"The odds aren't good and the goods are odd"
 jheldatksuedu
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 87
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/16/2006 4:44:30 PM
Face it, online dating is a lot of work for very little (if any) return.

I've talked to many hundreds on the internet, probably pushing a thousand, I've sent out "I'm interested" letters to many thousands. I've been at this for many years and have probably a dozen profiles on different sites. I've traveled and met probably 30 and dated more than once probably 10. I'm a tough one to find a match for that's for sure. But I keep going and still have plenty more that I've talked too and need to meet. I'm pretty sure I'll have to go overseas due to my age, and American women's idea of a perfect match. Too bad people can't be happy with somebody that can make them happy, they also think they have to find somebody that fits into their specific cookie cutter. I think the internet has a lot to do with that, increasing people's expectation of finding perfection. Close enough should be good enough, your wasting your life looking for perfection, when you find it you won't have anytime to enjoy it. I'll do what I have to do. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had a normal 8 to 5 job. It would be hopeless.
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 90
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/17/2006 6:56:34 PM
All the men, regardless of age, seem to be chasing the Barbies who are under 30 and thinking they are going to land themselves supermodels when they look more like John Candy than Pierce Brosnan and have the bank account of a pauper, not Howard Hughes.

So the men all whine because the women they lust after don't give them the time of day, while the women all lose hope and give up completely.
 designingwoman
Joined: 9/4/2005
Msg: 92
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/20/2006 3:08:31 PM
Sometimes I get frustrated because I would like to meet a man who truly shares my deeply held progressive values and beliefs. I run into too many men who are duped and fooled by the right wing foolishness going on in this country. It is a turnoff to talk with a man and find out that he likes Rush Limpuke and supports Bush. Supporting a different sports team is a different matter altogether. I am a Red Sox fan but I would not write off someone because he's a Yankees fan. Being a fan of a given sports team in of itself has nothing to do with what kinds of values a man has. However, his political beliefs tell quite a lot about a man. A man who is conservative would likely prove to me to be selfish, whiny about not being willing to pay his fair share of taxes, and possibly bigoted. Conservatism is a destructive force that is destroying America, and I am glad that the people of America voted for a Democratic Congress to put a stop to Bush's foolish agenda. Needless to say I know what kind of man I want: a good man who cares about the environment, those who are less fortunate, is honest, and believes in doing the right thing.
 jmn120176
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 94
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/20/2006 4:23:12 PM
All the men, regardless of age, seem to be chasing the Barbies who are under 30 and thinking they are going to land themselves supermodels when they look more like John Candy than Pierce Brosnan and have the bank account of a pauper, not Howard Hughes.


You've got to be absolutely kidding me. I don't know that I've ever read a more glaring and erroneous generalization. Where are you getting your information?

As far as that goes, any woman who would base her attraction to a man on his bank account is called a "gold digger." Perhaps you've heard of them... they're of very low moral character. Nine times out of ten, the Pierce Brosnans of the world could get any woman they wanted. They're a**holes. They don't need to treat women decently, or have sparkling personalities, because there'll always be another woman waiting for him. They're like Pez to him. You want that? Go for it. The real world will be here when you get chewed up and spit back out by Mr. Brosnan himself.


So the men all whine because the women they lust after don't give them the time of day, while the women all lose hope and give up completely.


Using your previous logic, what you said here would imply that all women are barbies who are being chased after by fat, unattractive, poor men. Bitter much?
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 95
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/20/2006 4:29:10 PM
The only women being chased after are Barbies.
The men chasing the Barbies are of ALL sorts including
fat, unattractive and poor

and yes, the men not getting the Barbies are bitter.
 CrystallineSunshine
Joined: 11/3/2006
Msg: 98
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 12/19/2006 12:41:10 AM
Ditto. I've been dealing with nothing but weirdness and creeps for the last year now. I've pretty much lost hope myself. I don't know. Some days it really does seem hopeless, and I think it's just the way the dating scene is now. Not you personally.
 JustCallMeMike
Joined: 5/29/2006
Msg: 99
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 1/1/2007 2:09:13 AM
[quota]just some support. anyone out there in the same situation as me? or am i totally pathetic? :-)[/quota]

I am 36, which puts me outside your age bracket. But at least you have been on the dating scene to date some bad ones, I have not had a real date for over 6 years and a long distance relationship that lasted about a year. So who is pathetic now?

If anything I am wonder where are all these "good girls" who are complaining about not finding "good boys" or finding those "bad boys-in- good boys clothing." We complain about them, but there are a lot of guys here who don't even get one email to even get the opportunity to say a thing. Yes, we may be sad, and depressed, and are willing to express it, but at least you are getting dates, most of us aren't. So, get back on that horse or start looking into men you would normally consider geeky or nerdy. Talk to those guys who may be afraid to make the first move on you. Help someone who think don't have a chance with you know they have a chance with you.

Sheesh! The complaints of some people who don't know when they have it good.
 jheldatksuedu
Joined: 3/11/2005
Msg: 102
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 5/27/2007 6:36:03 AM
I agree one hundred percent, I'm nobodies perfect match, I'm too old, often everything else is perfect, but that number we call age gets in the way, I've even been told this a couple times, "You're perfect , but....." With the internet and the prospect of millions to choose from, there is always the feeling that the perfect one is going to show up tomorrow, but tomorrow never gets here, it's "Always a day away." Sure there are a few that do find perfection, and we read about it on here. I'm sure many of those we read about if asked a year later, the story might be totally different. The stories are written with a month or two of bliss, with high hopes and expectations of a fantastic future, but years of life's trials and tribulations often change that.

So mostly we all stay single, waiting for perfection, but not finding it since nobody is perfect, not even us. In the old days, we didn't have the chance of meeting millions, so we settled with somebody good enough, and often did just fine.

A successful relationship is probably the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. It takes continuous compromise and forgiveness. Except for those rumored to have found perfection.
 LMK45
Joined: 3/27/2007
Msg: 104
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 5/28/2007 8:08:42 PM
I keep hearing on here "don't settle" ... but what does that mean? Perfection in another person? Naw. To me it's who I find acceptable to me, and I to him, in the overall picture. I don't think relationships should be 'hard work' -- either you click or you don't. When the 'good' greatly outweighs the 'bad' I will have found perfection for me. Sigh.
 PacificStar
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 108
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 11/12/2007 12:58:17 AM
Sure we all get shot down in flames occasionally but give up? No way! While I am not the youngest or the skinnyest filly in the stable I can't help wondering why so many are having such a hard time meeting someone compatiable. Your odds of meeting someone single are about 50 50 in any given age group if the census is right. On line your chances go up considerably. That the majority of people are literate, employed, live independently, and and actually interested enough to consider the option is a start or a second chance.

I have read a bunch of profiles and looked at lots of pictures and I think a lot of it is packageing. There are so many bad photos that I hardly know where to start. Ladys there has to be a happy medium between cleveage shots and caught in the headlights and the terrified I will cut my wrists if you talk to me look. Guys come on ditch the caps, get a shave and a haircut, edit out the beer bottles, and forget showing us your vehicals at least your motorcycles. That there are no nice people is baloney. It is not rocket science to get a good picture stand up straight, exhale, and SMILE into a real camera that virtually a total stranger will hold long enough to take at least one or two.

Please, please, please stop the Whine and cheeze routine. If all you tell people is you are a looser as a chooser why would anyone nice want to ask you out? List some genuine interests if you want to do more than get booty calls. Guys even if a booty call sounds good you know it is not going to happen if you can't get off your duff and ask someone for a date. Everybody has a life talk about yours. What is a favorite food, where did you spend your last day off, what is a trait you hope wears off on your friends, what makes you laugh?

If you are meeting a lot of members of the Toad and Toadette Prince Association do a little serious self evaluation and start prescreening of your dates. You don't have to beg and you don't have to say yes if you stir a little attention by looking. Read the profiles, their forum posts, and actually look at all the pictures. Serious profiles have at least 250 words and have at least six pictures with three that are current. This is online dateing; if they can't make a presentable presentation it isn't going to get better in person. No pictures or reference to when they are taken delete that entry. They have to have more picutes they are freaks or showing off for their friends.. However includeing a picture of someplace or something they like referenced in an email shows it was probably not a cut and paste letter sent to twenty two candidates.

Email a half dozen friendly memos across more than two weeks back to back, chat IM over and hour, and then talk at least once in an unscheduled phone call after at least one or two phone dates. They can't keep a phone date delete them. They either are getting what they want elsewhere or enough that they are not going to make an effort toward any real relationship. Initially we are talking less that one days effort Aren't you worth that? If it doesn't go that far you haven't given enough info or they are not into you anyway. GO to the next candidate and try again.

Don't drag it out over months to have a public date but too eager they are financialy desperate, terminally single, still walking wounded, or only horney. It is common sense not to tell someone you have not met specific details of where you work or live or their family member's names but it isn't unreasonable to have some basic criteria like their lifestyle and some of their funny moments to get some kind of mild vibe going. If you feel madly in love back up and regroupe. Either you are being conned or you need professional counseling. Nervouse; even like, or happy and excited is normal. Enjoy the wave just don't get swept away. Guys this especially means you. After years of listening to miserable family situations don't think that just because you are getting some that the gal loves you or will even be around or let you be a parent. Everybody keep your spending within your budget.

If by the time they are suggesting a date if they are not perceptive enough or know you well enough to find something mutually interesting don't waste your time on a look see date. Nine times out of ten these are married or live in types looking to move up. I am not suggesting anything unbearable just a nice lunch, hour enjoying shopping for something reflecting and interest, or seeing a small public display that is enough to let the jitters subside and gives you a chance to see how the person interacts with you and others. Trust your instincts. AGAIN trust your instincts! If you don't see hearts and flowers instantly give it a little more time. Many long lived marriages started off with hesitations but likeable. At least say Thanks but no thanks for effort. People do talk off line and cross reference sites (or they should to see if stories jive) and your reputaion will proceed you. Don't profess a victory in finding the one until the deal is sealed or you may be eating your words publicly.

However; you have to get up to bat usually before you strike one out of the park. If you say an upbeat hello to someone, make a tangible remark related to their profile and current reference to yourself to at least three people a day in a hundred days you will be dateing someone if not several people. If you invest a similiar three efforts a day in developeing a relationship in equal time it will be serious. If it is not reciprocated then give up and repeat the process. I bet in a year I could dance at your wedding regardless of your age. (Well maybe not you under 21 folks stay in college and travel a little first.)

However don't even bother to start this process if you haven't dedicated some time to the process of dateing/mateing. Really think about who you are and what you want. Pick a few first date locations, line up a routine sitter if you need one be it the kids, your Mom or your pets, get your car cleaned out, get a couple of flattering outfits, and budget a little date money. If you are so young you can't afford it or haven't been out in a social setting in years don't make a date suffer learning the ropes with you. If you have zero conversations skills, can't dance, know nothing about sports, haven't read anything published in the last two years treat yourself to a class or at least take a stab at self taught with a video. Your happiness and companionship are worth the investment. Good Luck.
 bryan50
Joined: 1/5/2008
Msg: 110
who can you trust
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:57:31 AM
hi i no how you feal.i beleave that you shood get to no one an other be for sex.for a true relationship an a true friend thats time.i wood like to get to no you.if you like you can tex or phone me on 0406621585 any time thank you bryan
 sistagoldenhair
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 111
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:33:31 AM
I know what u mean redhott. Ive been on sites for 2 yrs now and had a couple of very short relationships. Ive been disapppointed even devastated but I feel like I must be getting close to the man im meant to be with....I still have a whisper of hope!!!
 sistagoldenhair
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 112
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 10/23/2008 2:36:30 AM
absolutely right on the mark. the man i was just with is doing it right now obviously thinking the grass is greener...
 Marmite baby
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 113
view profile
History
i'm starting to lose hope...
Posted: 10/27/2008 11:53:46 AM
I was on a different site before this one., and met 4 nice guys. One 4 times, one for 7 months.
I do think a paid site is different. SorryPOF. Should say that I've used this site in a friendly way rather than being so focussed on finding a partner. Was very much more I mean business on last site, plus had the opportunity to send pics. I love this site but many of the guys I have messaged are not interested in meeting. I've met no-one. But treat this as more of a social site.Didn't realise to begin with that forums appeared on your profile, but like them.
The fact that you are attractive is encouraging, as I'm still adjusting to recent weight gain.
I think you have to play the game and be confident and ready to meet a partner. A v laid back approach suits me at the mo, but I'm not really surprised that I've not met anyone. I was slim and far more confident when I used last site. Still no pic.
I'll chat to anyone but wouldn't date some.
You need to be ready to meet someone, and possibly raise your expectations.
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