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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 51
Rejection... Page 3 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
"Some men are good about leaving relationships open to return for random shaggings if the women let them."

>>>I can agree with Henry's response, its up to the woman to open the, er, door. I can say from experience, if she's not interested, she's smart enough to leave no room for stoking any fires. To combine that with NG's story about his friend and his super-interested date, my second gf was super into me, ready to lose her virginity to me, and then broke up with me. Same WTF thoughts, but found out later, gf had always felt insecure, not sure she was "Good enough" for me. So, sometimes a person breaks up with us for their reasons, not for something we did. Years later, that ex gf of mine came sniffing around, hoping to cheat on her husband with me.

Sometimes we might rekindle an old flame b/c it never went out. sometimes, we "get lucky" and find the person at a moment when they want something different in their lives. And speaking of flames, when we meet the proverbial "candle that burns twice as bright, lasts half as long", I guess sometimes we should strike while the iron's hot before it cools too quickly :) but that's the benefit of hindsight.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 52
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Rejection...
Posted: 12/19/2017 9:35:21 AM
I have been on both sides of the equation. When a woman does it to me, I don’t know why and it’s pretty useless to speculate. Just move on.

When the shoe has been on the other foot, when I had a strong interest, and then lost interest, there was always a reason. A real, definite, solid reason. One woman, on our second date, started talking about something Rush Limbaugh had said the previous day. Which is when I added the line in my profile about, “If you listen to Rush Limbaugh, you probably should pass me by.”

But I didn’t say anything to her. I just took her home after the date and then ghosted. Is that the right thing to do? Hell if I know, but it is the easiest, and seems to be the most common, so there you are.

In reference to the “return engagements”, it is what it is. I seriously doubt there are any adults out there who haven’t done it. And won’t do it again. Sometimes we have an itch, and the easiest way to scratch that itch is with someone already familiar. No, not necessarily the best way, but as long as no one gets hurt, where is the harm? We’re only human, and we shouldn’t hold ourselves to any ridiculous high standard. Try to do as little harm as possible to other people, and at the same time enjoy your life as much as you can.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 53
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Posted: 12/19/2017 12:24:27 PM

when I had a strong interest, and then lost interest, there was always a reason. A real, definite, solid reason. One woman, on our second date, started talking about something Rush Limbaugh had said the previous day. Which is when I added the line in my profile about, “If you listen to Rush Limbaugh, you probably should pass me by.”

But I didn’t say anything to her. I just took her home after the date and then ghosted.

Ghosted as in terms of didn't hit Her up after that? I wouldn't call that ghosting, and that is the most common. Ghosting is where they disappear and never respond. Not the most common. Playing busy (hint hint) is, I'd say. But in your case, if she just merely referenced Rush -- I'd inquire during it and find out (wouldn't want to get the wrong idea jumping on assumption). If, darn it, she is at least a mild fan of his -- downer. Here's the thing though -- at this point, over 95% of the time, it's not going to come close to ghosting. I'm not going to be afraid to let her know my POV and let it be known I don't roll too well with AM-Radio/FOX fans in Dating, even in a polite way having the rest of the date go OK. No mere "signs" to pick up that there's an issue there at least.

I'm just not going to hit Her up after that. If she does to me, as if nothing potentially breaking went down (eh?) -- I'd have a delayed response for 24-32 hours or so, doing the busy thing (most common), with short-and-sweet as possible. If she THEN doesn't get the hint, I'll (re)-iterate the why if she inquires about it, or keeps trying to Generate convo. Rare chance of it even getting to that point. It's a lot Simpler than how laying it out is. :)

But I do lose respect for someone As a Person if one's out on a date, something does affect them to want to "drop the mic" on the date -- and they Avoid letting them know, when things Were going swell. I think your Rush example though -- that one's pretty easy and not Too awkward to give them a heads up on your own POV if it's such a breaker, right?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 54
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Rejection...
Posted: 12/19/2017 12:47:56 PM
For me, part of sex is the interest in someone new, so revisiting isn't interesting. I have seen men using revisiting two different ways. 1 is to be able to access what may be easy sex when nothing's going on or just to keep those options open. The 2nd is to be able to cheat more easily. If the girlfriend or wife is suspicious, she may think it's all in her mind, because perhaps she hasn't seen her significant other have the ability to meet anyone, not realizing the person is indexed and just a phone call away.

A man could say he's going out for bread, but the woman doesn't realize there's an old girlfriend he can pop in on along that route. Using prostitutes is another great resource for the guy that is going out for bread, because the woman wouldn't see a delay with the guy returning home, LOL. I'm sure there's a huge increase in revisiting being done by both men and women, with FB's help with reconnecting people.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 55
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Posted: 12/19/2017 4:03:48 PM

For me, part of sex is the interest in someone new, so revisiting isn't interesting.

You're right. Pump n Dump! Why revisit them? It's not someone new. Glad you joined the team! ;)

1 is to be able to access what may be easy sex when nothing's going on or just to keep those options open.

Yes, if she's not ideally Dateable. Ymmv. May vary from being a backup booty call ... to willing to go out on dates because their social life isn't that active either, trying to keep it low-key, but a means to her end.

The 2nd is to be able to cheat more easily. If the girlfriend or wife is suspicious, she may think it's all in her mind, because perhaps she hasn't seen her significant other have the ability to meet anyone, not realizing the person is indexed and just a phone call away.

True... usually this is a "guy friend" or a "female friend" that they've had... maybe have hooked up with before, you're going steady with someone, they're going steady with someone... one person is now single, the other isn't -- but they do keep in facebook touch and the like with the other, generate convo, and pursue a bit to meat up. Or could be a regular at a bar that said BF or GF will periodically stop by at, amongst a group of people they and their friends know. Nobody "new". Point being -- in a relationship or not -- one doesn't have to meet someone new to meat them.

A man could say he's going out for bread, but the woman doesn't realize there's an old girlfriend he can pop in on along that route.

Well, if he said he's going out for some tuna, he wouldn't be lying, right? ;)

Using prostitutes is another great resource for the guy that is going out for bread, because the woman wouldn't see a delay with the guy returning home, LOL.

If your guy is always "going out for bread", then that should raise an eyebrow. (phone dings) "I'm going out for some bread!" "But Rick, you just got here. I have some bread. Why do you want bread?" "I like toast! Be back in 30!"

All in all, the whole "piece on the side" -- is usually just going to be someone they're still in touch with while not "official" with you, as they're not "all in" about you. Or you're in a relationship and the honeymoon phase is over, and it's, well, "meh". Not to say it's justified. But Like the difficulty of not telling someone straight-up why you're not interested when you felt you were prior, when on or just prior to a 1st/2nd date, we tend to not want to face the music with someone we're dating or more. Besides, a little piece on the side -- makes dating the sub-par guy/gal more tolerable. ;)
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 56
Rejection...
Posted: 12/19/2017 5:07:51 PM
NG's right, you gave up on that lady too soon, Henry :) But seriously, going back to an old lover is like an addict returning to an old dealer, hoping to work the magic again. We figure we had a chance once, and we know what buttons to avoid pushing (compared to a new stranger, when we're still learning).
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 57
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Posted: 12/19/2017 7:46:17 PM
I guess what's old is new again. My ex does that for malicious reasons to easily cheat. He was trying to keep me around after the divorce, trying to make me a hook-up which is laughable. So he cheats on me with someone, and then is insane enough to think that he can use me to cheat on her, maybe thinking in his pea brain that I will want to get back at her. I don't think so, lol. I bet that psychology works for a lot of guys.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 58
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Posted: 12/19/2017 10:05:24 PM

He'll be back eventually. Maybe he took a self-imposed break and wasn't banned.

Thx NY.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 59
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Posted: 12/20/2017 8:18:32 AM

norwegianguy456
Ghosted as in terms of didn't hit Her up after that?

Correct. Perhaps I should have used a different term. I never called her, she didn’t call me.

norwegianguy456
But in your case, if she just merely referenced Rush -- I'd inquire

I didn’t have to inquire. She brought up one of his crazier ideas in such a way that it was clear she agreed with him.

norwegianguy456
NG's right, you gave up on that lady too soon, Henry :)

Nah, she was just … average. Ho hum, take it or leave it. Good enough to date, but nothing exciting. If she had been really good looking, I would have immediately agreed with whatever idiotic thing she said.


NewYorker58
For me, part of sex is the interest in someone new, so revisiting isn't interesting.

Once again, NY58 surprises the hell out of me by saying something that sounds MUCH more like a man than a woman talking. Women are always “claiming” that you have to wait for sex until they’re comfortable, and that sex is always better with someone you know well. Any man (when he’s being honest) will readily admit that sex with someone new is ALWAYS better and more exciting.

The following is from a movie called “Random Hearts”. 1999, Harrison Ford. Basically, a movie about infidelity. Harrison Ford loses his wife in a plane crash, then discovers that she had been having an affair, a long term affair, and spends the rest of the movie trying to find out about that affair, who, what, when, where, and most importantly to him, “why”.



Molly Roll: I caught Sam with a woman once. I spilled a milkshake on my skirt so I ran home from lunch. I heard them in the shower. And at first I thought it was the radio... but what she was saying you don't hear on the radio. I... ran. I couldn't go back to work. For hours, literally, I didn't remember that I was involved with someone else. I had been for months. And I liked my life with Sam. Things were fine.
Dutch Van Den Broeck: What did you do?
Molly Roll: I kept my mouth shut and I never went home again without calling first. To say that involvement, and I don't mean casual sex, I mean romance. To say that that whole part of life, half the fun of life, has to end, if you told me that, I'd feel old.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 60
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Rejection...
Posted: 12/20/2017 8:49:33 AM
Erection rejection...
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 61
Rejection...
Posted: 12/20/2017 10:18:40 AM

Once again, NY58 surprises the hell out of me by saying something that sounds MUCH more like a man than a woman talking.


It's an extremely rare occasion where she and I are on the same page, as well. I've never been one to go back and rekindle things with past "lovers". Once a relationship is over, I'm all about moving on to greener pastures with no looking back.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 62
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Posted: 12/20/2017 11:42:49 AM
Women have their reasons for waiting, instilled by society, somewhat. Once that gets in your head, it kills wanting to have sex sooner and with new people. Sex can be psychological, it doesn't need touch, so negative thoughts messes us women up if we have them.

I'm watching the news right now. How timely, they said people that keep in touch with exes may be psychopaths. Last night on Seinfeld, they ran their episode on that, between Jerry and Elaine, about them trying to reestablish the sexual side of their relationship.

Being with a new person is like opening a new present. If you keep reopening that present, you can still enjoy it, but then some of the excitement is gone. You could say I re-gift my ex-husband to his new girlfriend, LOL. That present had legs and tried to return, but I didn't accept delivery and sent it back☺ The bloom is off the rose.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 63
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Posted: 12/20/2017 12:01:45 PM

Correct. Perhaps I should have used a different term. I never called her, she didn’t call me.

Yeah, that's standard. It'd only be an issue if she was hitting you up and you ignored texts/calls.

I didn’t have to inquire. She brought up one of his crazier ideas in such a way that it was clear she agreed with him.

If it's straight like that, AND the date & a half at that point has been Really Clicking, then I'd inquire -- not to find out the seemingly obvious, but to briefly be on the same page, so she understands there's, oh, yeah, a mismatch - lol. Unless I thought she was super-Rush -- wouldn't want to avoid an argument/"debate" as a result, and I would have just wanted to end it soon (UNLESS she was Hawt and frisky; then I'd get off topic as quickly as possible to avoid eyes-rolling and aim for the balls-rolling).

Nah, she was just … average. Ho hum, take it or leave it.

I don't think you gave up on it too soon If you already knew that she was, yeah, a Rush-Fan, from what she said. Possibly not really knowing would be the only thing that would be too hasty to lack interest. But if ya knew, ya knew.

Sex can be psychological, it doesn't need touch, so negative thoughts messes us women up if we have them.

It's psychological for everyone, of course. I think with women in general, the added psychological factor is "sleeping around". The more we put it under some big spotlight, the more we're just short-changing & stressing ourselves out (when it cums to being single & dating). It's a negative to guys, but for gals it's socially worse which is why it's more hush-hush amongst them.

Most people still Don't understand that the Avg # of the opp-sex a hetero man & woman have slept with is about Equal. Instead, most think that men's avg # is > women's avg #, which is False. That's how conditioned we are, psychologically about sex.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 64
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Posted: 12/20/2017 12:34:00 PM
We can see how things are changing with today's women. They're waiting longer to get married, so staying single longer and having sex without needing to be married. Not everyone feels the need to rush to the alter anymore.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 65
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Posted: 12/20/2017 5:46:12 PM

My ex does that for malicious reasons to easily cheat.



thinking in his pea brain


And this is ONE of the guys you said "to have and to hold, till death do you part" to?

Ok, then.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 66
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Posted: 12/20/2017 9:30:13 PM

fullmoonguy2
And this is ONE of the guys you said "to have and to hold, till death do you part" to?

Ok, then.

I have noticed this before, people belittling the person that they married. And yes, that does seem a little off, a little strange.

I was married for 27 years. Most of those were good years. Towards the end, not so much. But I don’t regret getting married, it was not a mistake, and she is not a bad person and I do not belittle her.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 67
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Posted: 12/20/2017 9:54:52 PM
It's unfortunate that my ex turned out to be a scumbag. He's currently bragging to everyone at his job how he's screwing around behind his girlfriend's back that he lives with. They work at they same place. He's been telling everyone that he got with her girlfriend besides other women!

I'm friends with some of my exes who were decent people, but we just didn't mesh enough to stay together forever. My ex-b called me today. My 15 years were not bad until the end. My marriage seemed good, all of those 15 years, that was until I caught him cheating, and based on what he's doing to his girlfriend, I have to know that he did the same thing to me for longer than I thought. I don't care, he didn't ruin my life, and I have a good life, but he's still a scumbag.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 68
Rejection...
Posted: 12/21/2017 4:34:47 AM
^^^You sound like a very bitter woman. Why do you care how your ex and his girlfriend get along? I would never date someone who is still full of venom because of any past relationships that didn't have a fairy tale ending.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 69
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Posted: 12/21/2017 9:31:11 AM
Not bitter at all. I've got nothing to be bitter about. I was disappointed at the time, but I'm also disappointed when my chocolate chip bagel doesn't have enough chips in it, but I get over it This was a late in life marriage. I was not starryeyed, and he didn't ruin my life. So my feeling is.......next☺ I recently had a friend over for dinner that dislikes my ex's behavior, with him talking about his obnoxious bragging to him about screwing over his gf in the most malicious way. Not every guy enjoys hearing stories from another guy about how he's f×cking his "partner" over.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 70
Rejection...
Posted: 12/21/2017 11:11:03 AM

Not every guy enjoys hearing stories from another guy about how he's f×cking his "partner" over.


Even as low as my opinion of women in general is, I can honestly say I don't care to hear these stories, myself. If you're unhappy, get the f*ck out of the marriage/relationship. Don't be a sneaky, low down piece of shit and brag about it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 71
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Posted: 12/21/2017 11:38:37 AM

We can see how things are changing with today's women. They're waiting longer to get married, so staying single longer and having sex without needing to be married. Not everyone feels the need to rush to the alter anymore.

Which is a good thing, right? I mean, women being career-driven, going to college more than men -- you're not going to want to pop out a kid @22... you're experiencing modern life, not "you're an adult, be a mom". It's pulled away from grandparents' POV. Just because something is tradition, doesn't mean it's good. Which is why some fade. And as I always say, nostalgia's for nostrils -- don't cling to the concept of "the way things were" (when many times it's over-glorified anyway). Society's moved beyond survive & breed w/ "wholesome goodness". :)

He's currently bragging to everyone at his job how he's screwing around behind his girlfriend's back that he lives with.

And you know about this, how? :) BTW, if he's bragging about hooking up with chicks at work, where she works at, and even his ex-wife (you) hears about it -- they may not be a true item underneath it all, leading up to it. In the end, why care what the ins and outs are, if you two aren't fresh off a breakup/divorce anyway?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 72
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Posted: 12/21/2017 1:29:20 PM
Pig, thing is, he's not unhappy. This is his MO in relationships. He enjoys cheating and has no intention of being faithful from day 1. He enjoys cheating and does so in the most malicious way possible, and may get most of his satisfaction from that aspect.

NG, I don't care. What I did find illuminating was to see him start a new relationship, and see that he had no plans of being faithful from day one. To me, it showed he most likely did the same thing to me, and I think it was good for me to know. It was a learning experience. My friend saw proof of his cheating on his gf. When he was hitting up an ex, I did see the beginning of that taking place, so I saw it too, AND my ex-h was trying to hit me up.

My ex did what I thought was breaking the bro code. He got "friendly" with our mutual friend's wife as they were divorcing, and told his wife personal divorce stuff our friend was doing. Our friend knew he only told him, yet his wife knew. And.....there's a high probability he hooked with this mutual friend's wife while they were divorcing. His scumbaggery was not limited to women.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 73
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Posted: 12/21/2017 2:46:39 PM
Good grief................What I do now is my business................I don't giv'a sh-- what my ex's do......or don't do. They stay away from me.......I stay away from them. Period. Easy peasey
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 74
Rejection...
Posted: 12/21/2017 2:55:03 PM
" This is his MO in relationships. He enjoys cheating and has no intention of being faithful from day 1"

Was this guy pure, wholesome, and faithful when you were dating him, and the minute after marrying him, he turned into a cheater? It sounds like someone was in a hurry to get married without spending more time getting to know each other better. That's usually a recipe for disaster in a relationship-being in a mad rush to get married without spending time getting to know each other. Or seeing red flags, but thinking marriage will magically fix everything.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 75
Rejection...
Posted: 12/21/2017 2:59:30 PM


Was this guy pure, wholesome, and faithful when you were dating him, and the minute after marrying him, he turned into a cheater?


Yeah, we've all heard it before. It's the same story over and over. He was once Prince Charming, knight in shining armor, the great love, a true Romeo, and out of NOWHERE morphed into the psychotic embodiment of evil. No explanation, no warning. Nothing. Amazing.

The truth is, the signs are generally all over the place in the early stages and women choose to ignore them because the "big two" on the must have list are covered - the physical attraction and the fun factor. If these two are present, things like actual character and integrity can go f*ck themselves.

I've seen this a million times over. After the breakup, you hear about the whole relationship from day one, and there are a f*ckton of "he did THAT and you still stayed with him?!?!" moments.

Sorry, but I never buy the tales of demonic possession.
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