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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?      Home login  
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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 26
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)


I don't know of any strip bar that also serves as a brothel. Being a stripper or being a prostitute are two different things.

I have no recent experience, but I know for a fact back in the 1970’s most all strip clubs in Houston had one or more “private rooms”. I suspect the high class “gentlemen’s clubs” that flourish these days probably don’t have that. You would need to make your own “arrangement” with the woman. But the lower class “strip joints”? I doubt much has changed.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 27
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/7/2018 12:36:40 PM
@sight - getting the lady to take her clothes off is hardly a challenge if she is a stripper. I agree with ohenryx other than the high class gentlemans club, only difference is the price charged. If the girls smart enough and looks classy enough she can earn a lot. But yeah, not all strippers are prostitutes.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 28
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/7/2018 1:38:44 PM

Men dont always enjoy strip bars, the sex is too easy.

At a particular strip bar that can be the case if one's a regular -- but by and large, no, getting sex by a visit to a Random strip club once in a while is no easy task. It's main effect: It'll horn-dog a guy up to try and get the easiest sex after he leaves.

I don't know of any strip bar that also servers as a brothel. Being a stripper or being a prostitute are two different things.

They are two different things, but many Many strippers do some sex work on the side. But a guy's not just going to waltz in, get a lap dance, and say "Hey, can you go home with me after work so I can bang you?" and expect a "Sure, it's $x." Not that that hasn't happened of course... but typically, it's much the same as a 25 year old guy who's above average but not a "hottie" -- going to a dance club and bringing a gal home that night to bang. Many won't, some will -- it's their side-entertainment (or for strippers, side job). And of course, at some strip clubs when you get a private dance -- based on how busy it is and if they've gotten busted semi-recently or not, as well as how much privacy the place Actually provides -- a guy can get a HJ, BJ, or more in the back room if he throws down some extra cash. No, it's not a brothel -- but if a guy plays his cards right, and has some at his disposal, he could get action there or set it up after-hours. Pretty expensive way for non-strip-club regulars -- more expensive than just getting an "escort" or something.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 29
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/7/2018 2:45:06 PM

I want to tell you something because you have been asking me questions and I said what is it and then he said i'm not attracted to women's bodies and then I said what do you mean exactly by that and then he said well when I look at a woman I don't get hard like any other guys for example if I go to strip clubs I don't feel anything


This would be a deal-breaker for me, personally. I wouldn't want to be with a guy if he wasn't turned on by my body---I don't care whether he loved me or not.


I love this boy so much but I don’t want to waste my time with someone that is a closet gay and I don't want end up being married to someone that is living a lie and I think it will unfair to both me and him.....


OP, I think that you should trust your instincts.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 30
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/7/2018 4:58:16 PM
So, wait a minute. Someone is letting you know they've got a secret, but they're not going to tell you until they feel like it??

F*ck that. Spill the beans or get lost. That's total bullshit.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 31
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/10/2018 12:21:49 PM
'it'll horn dog a guy up to try'

Lol, er, no idea what your saying here?

I wouldnt be aroused by a random naked man. Am sure there are men who wouldnt find it sexy for a random woman to stand naked in the door way. Sexy underwear or clothes that hint at sexy can be more appealling to some.

Doesnt mean either are gay. I find it odd that op was talking about someone who she thought was gay, then thought her boyfriend was also gay. Maybe op is stereotyping what she thinks turns men on instead of getting in tune with what turns her man on.

Im guessing men can be as individual as women? Or perhaps im hoping?
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 32
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/10/2018 2:58:12 PM

I wouldnt be aroused by a random naked man. Am sure there are men who wouldnt find it sexy for a random woman to stand naked in the door way. Sexy underwear or clothes that hint at sexy can be more appealling to some ... Im guessing men can be as individual as women? Or perhaps im hoping?

I think it is a matter of degree on how aroused you would or wouldn't be by that random man, if you want to admit the deep down truth. The obvious difference between men and women here is how plainly a man sees he is excited vs. the woman's more internal response and ease which she can ignore minor response. Like a thermometer, if the mercury rises just one degree we know

I think the thread is more about objectification of women as sex objects. Men do it and so do most women. Depending on your politics, it can be uncomfortable for a woman, for example, that thinks herself a feminist, to admit she craves a man to view her as a sex object, to the exclusion of her brains and personality (because men have a habit of going ga-ga when the right stimuli present themselves). Also, as you point out stimuli vary depending in part on someone's upbringing. When I lived in Pakistan, it was very common for guys to see a woman's ankle to have the mercury rise and burst their thermometers, while under those circumstances my only response was to laugh at them. Whether seeing random female body parts is not a great way to judge someone's orientation.

The OP clearly is annoying her partner by having sex with him and then freaking out about her gay anxieties rather than enjoying the afterglow, she's talking about marrying a guy here she barely understands and she makes no sense at all, and as you pointed out was compelled to issue a strong opinion of her relatives gay suspicions. Sounds like a certified hypochondriac* to me.
*Not approved by the American Psychiatric Association per statement 9/Jan/2018:
psychiatry.org/newsroom/news-releases/apa-calls-for-end-to-armchair-psychiatry

 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 33
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/10/2018 2:59:57 PM

'it'll horn dog a guy up to try'

Lol, er, no idea what your saying here?

Swinging by a strip club, generally speaking, and hanging out there is not a place where it's about getting sex. So a guy going there by default is not going to get sex... but it'll get him horny.

I wouldnt be aroused by a random naked man.

They're not random, like, walking down the street and a guy opens his trench coat. But yes, more women are conditioned not to like male strippers -- even though they're usually just close-to-naked (g-string). Non-low class places have them have good bodies. Ones with good bodies, it does get women more in the mood. Thunder from Down Under -- those guys in Vegas, they're great looking, ripped. Gals of many different types enjoy it. But no, they're not random -- and less women are into such shows.

Am sure there are men who wouldnt find it sexy for a random woman to stand naked in the door way.

Depends how she looks. :)

Sexy underwear or clothes that hint at sexy can be more appealling to some.

Then a strip club is their style. Especially ones, many, that don't show everything. And male strip clubs usually don't. They strip down to a g-string or the like.

Im guessing men can be as individual as women? Or perhaps im hoping?

I think men go by the beat of their own drum, if we're stereotyping, moreso than women do. Women tend to be more concerned about image, where guys are more like "f that". Hence, non-sex-crazed guys are more willing to swing by a strip club than women are to a male one. Still affects a lot of guys. It's all about image. We're all still in high school, remember that. :) But guys will care less about it than gals, much of the time.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 34
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/11/2018 10:50:41 AM
Men do get sex in some clubs in rooms, but then there are always lap dances where they get off that's common. Women in male strip clubs lose their minds, lol. They're all pumped and loud!
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 35
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/13/2018 10:16:22 AM
If i dig deep and admit the deep down truth....a ripped muscular man in a g string in front of a group of women giving g it 'look how great i am' doesnt really do it for me. I prefer a good body found in his natural environment :). A building site, a gardener, a farmer, at leisure....say on a rugby field. Watching him work, a natural sweat, a natural smile....yep. thats the deep down truth

Now im not convinced men are going by the beat of their own drum if tbey are hanging out in strip clubs to get horny? Im confused? To get horny for what? 'im single so need to get horny???' Cos that seems frustrating. Or, 'i need to get horny to go home to have sex with my girlfriend cos shes not quite doing it for me????' Cos that seems sad
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 36
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/13/2018 12:05:58 PM
^^^
I remember one place had a neon sign that flashed on and off advertising 'Live Naked Girls' ---I figured guys went there because they wanted to see 'live naked women/girls'---nothing too confusing about that~
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 37
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 5:23:46 AM
first of all I want to say thank you all for all your advice and responses.. well he is indeed gay but in the closet.. these past few weeks have been hard to say the least.. I thought he was the love of my life but I was wrong.... i'm going to stay off dating for a while.. once gain thank you all..
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 38
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 7:37:35 AM
I don't think men go to a strip club for the food. Probably, they are already halfway towards being in the mood, or are married so they can't cheat but they can look, etc...but if they want to eat or drink, there's restaurants for that. I'm sure some clubs have great food, for the reason casinos offer it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 39
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 7:58:21 AM

If i dig deep and admit the deep down truth....a ripped muscular man in a g string in front of a group of women giving g it 'look how great i am' doesnt really do it for me

Gals in general are conditioned to not like that thing -- however, many women when unwinding do on occasion. Ymmv.

I prefer a good body found in his natural environment :)

And the environment is what turns you off about a "strip club". Gals tend to be more how-do-I-look, in relation to society. Guys, not so much. Not consciously thinking that -- but then again, most of our brains isn't conscious processing in the forefront.

Now im not convinced men are going by the beat of their own drum if tbey are hanging out in strip clubs to get horny? Im confused?

One going by the beat of their own drum means that they are more comfortable not going-by-whats-kosher-ala-society. No, it's not some mere "screw that, I'm breaking the rulez". It's more about not caring what one will think of you. Your tastes aren't shaped by what's more fitting in society and avoidance of being improper on how you're viewed. Gals are more-so, guys less-so.

To get horny for what? 'im single so need to get horny???'

They don't do it To get horny ("Hey, I want to get horny! Let's hit the strip club!"). It's a fun atmosphere and a sexual turn-on. Much like mall-watching gals in short skirts.

Cos that seems frustrating. Or, 'i need to get horny to go home to have sex with my girlfriend cos shes not quite doing it for me????' Cos that seems sad

Again, they're not trying to frustrate themselves -- although some guys avoid the strip club on the occasion a friend brings up the suggestion because it just is. It's about sexual attraction. Strip clubs have sexual attraction. And as far as being sad that they're not getting enough from their girlfriend wearing big back-pocket mom-jeans -- welcome to a majority of relationships. :)

well he is indeed gay but in the closet.. these past few weeks have been hard to say the least..

Is it you defining the closet, or did he confess? If the past few weeks have been hard on you by him, well, it sounds like he may be hetero. ;)
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 40
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 9:48:48 AM
Hahaha, ng you make me laugh

Im not sure its about being conditioned not to like strip clubs, i genuinely was unaware they really existed beyond movies until a few years ago when my friends husband (on a drunken works do) picked up a £400 bill from one (spent on champagne not women or sex). Now he was also unaware that he was even in a lap dancing club. Not convinced by his story, i asked my ex husband who confirmed that he was equally shocked to find the annual golf week away also included lap dancing clubs. He hasn't been away for golf since, not his thing, he actually enjoys golf.

Now that i am aware, the male stripper thing, feels like being in a crowd of women that appear to be shouting 'im here, im here' seems to me not very classy. Plus if i have to shout that loud to let him know im here, it kinda doesnt feel worth the effort.

Ffs, so big pocket mum jeans are not sexy......so now i have to re-think my wardrobe, what ever happened to milfs.

Yeah, im still with ops bf being hetro too
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 41
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 10:14:50 AM

first of all I want to say thank you all for all your advice and responses.. well he is indeed gay but in the closet.. these past few weeks have been hard to say the least.. I thought he was the love of my life but I was wrong.... i'm going to stay off dating for a while.. once gain thank you all..


OP, as I said before, you should trust your instincts. They usually turn out to be correct--especially in cases such as this one. When you're ready to date again, you'll eventually meet a man who's more suitable. Good luck.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 42
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 10:17:14 AM
Escape, these sports getaways are heavily about partying, though a guy doesn't have to, everyone knows what the deal is and.....prostitutes know there's a predominantly male gathering, and they gather there too. LOL, the guy knew they did lap dances, because outside says "topless girls". There's no making a "mistake". If he went in blindfolded, he'd take it off to find girls taking it off☺ I'm in the states; same thing here.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 43
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 10:51:02 AM

norwegianguy456
They don't do it To get horny ("Hey, I want to get horny! Let's hit the strip club!"). It's a fun atmosphere and a sexual turn-on. Much like mall-watching gals in short skirts.

I heard an expression in a movie that is very fitting. Two guys leaving the night club, one of them had spent the evening dancing with a particularly attractive young woman, and struck out. He tells his friend, “Oh, well, just another one to add to the wank bank.” The most effective “wank bank” material does not come from watching porn videos on youporn. It is women that you have actually been around, seen, touched, smelt, …


Escape2bfree
Ffs, so big pocket mum jeans are not sexy......so now i have to re-think my wardrobe, what ever happened to milfs.

Not to worry, MILFS are hot, always have been, always will be.

I’m so out of it when it comes to fashion, I don’t even know what “big pocket mom jeans” are. Are we talking about what used to be called “cargo pants”, or something entirely different? I was just watching “Arrival” the other night, and I thought Amy Adams looked just fine in cargo pants. Maybe this is about oversize front pockets or back pockets or ???

Some doofus here in the forums was trying to insult me the other day, and referred to my “dad jeans”. But overall I don’t get much flack about my age. At work, I am respected for my knowledge and skills, gained over a lifetime. Out in the real world, most men take one look at my size and decide to pick on an easier target. Yes, it does hurt me in the dating world. I am attracted to the few women in my age range who are still attractive, and most of those women are dating younger men. Because they can, and I don’t blame them one bit.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 44
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 1:23:57 PM

Out in the real world, most men take one look at my size and decide to pick on an easier target. Yes, it does hurt me in the dating world. I am attracted to the few women in my age range who are still attractive, and most of those women are dating younger men. Because they can, and I don’t blame them one bit.


Henry, what hurts you? Your age or your size? You're talking about size in the first two sentences, and age in the second two. They're two separate issues. There are plenty of attractive women out there willing to date older men. Some of them will only date men who are not overweight, but that really has nothing to do with age.

Being older is not synonymous with being overweight. You will also find some attractive women who don't mind extra weight on a man, as long as he has other qualities that they deem to be more important.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 45
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 1:49:01 PM
"the most effective self pleasuring fantasies involve not strangers, but prior contacts"

>>>interesting, I thought it was only me b/c its been 14 years. not that anyone's doing it to me, but still nice to know.

I suppose big pocket mommy jeans are slang for, comfortable clothes for parents (ie, not skin tight and pockets aplenty to carry whatever jr's gonna cry over). One prior lover was a MILF, and sent along a photo of her dressed as....someone's mom. which is why she didn't get hit on much, even tho there was no hiding her 36 D's. She also didn't need makeup.

good looking people, are good looking people. no matter what. that's why they glisten rather than sweat.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 46
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 2:16:23 PM

halcyon_skies
Henry, what hurts you? Your age or your size? You're talking about size in the first two sentences, and age in the second two. They're two separate issues. There are plenty of attractive women out there willing to date older men. Some of them will only date men who are not overweight, but that really has nothing to do with age.

Being older is not synonymous with being overweight. You will also find some attractive women who don't mind extra weight on a man, as long as he has other qualities that they deem to be more important.

I think that varies a lot by age. Or at least that’s been my experience. My weight goes up and down, that’s always been true. When I was in my 20’s and early 30’s (before I got married), the weight was a tremendous factor. And the women who rejected me due to my weight (during the periods it was up), never had a problem telling me so. There were so few women who would overlook weight that I made a habit out of NOT dating when the weight was up. Which, of course, helped motivate me to lose weight.

These days? Not nearly as much of a factor. I’m sure it is with some, but nothing like the way it was 40 years ago. Now in your case, yes, everyone here knows how important that is to you. I am not trying to pick a fight, but you have never made a secret of this. We all remember when you were involved in a cat fight with another woman here. She was attacking you for dating someone quite a bit older. Your primary rebuttal was, “He has a flat stomach.”

So, yes, we all get it, that is an absolute deal breaker for you. Fortunately for me, most women in my age bracket don’t feel the same way.


gtomustang
I suppose big pocket mommy jeans are slang for, comfortable clothes for parents (ie, not skin tight and pockets aplenty to carry whatever jr's gonna cry over).

I remember a few years ago, reading profiles on an Adult oriented dating site, one married woman described what she was looking for. That, of course, being the opposite of her husband. She wanted a man who did not have a 12 inch zipper on his pants. I had to stop and think about that one for a minute, but then it became clear.

I have always shaken my head at those men who claim to “still wear 36 jeans”. But their waist line is 44 inches, and they wear their jeans below their stomach, with a tremendous belly hanging over. I never really understood why they would do that, to me that would look worse than just buying the proper size jeans. But those “proper size jeans” would have a 12 inch zipper, so they would have been disqualified from that one woman, yes?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 47
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 2:53:24 PM

Im not sure its about being conditioned not to like strip clubs, i genuinely was unaware they really existed beyond movies until a few years ago

Then you were conditioned that way pretty strongly. Being conditioned doesn't mean parents sitting you down hyptnotizing. :) Conditioning = being molded. Parents not required.

Now that i am aware, the male stripper thing, feels like being in a crowd of women that appear to be shouting 'im here, im here' seems to me not very classy.

Well, being loud & proud projecting estrogen isn't a requirement by any means in a male strip club -- but you'll find gals unwinding with that in mind. :) I think seeing more of that is due to it taking a lot more "umph" for a gal to even go to one, so you're going to typically get a lot of high-end "go by the beat of my own drum; I don't care what anyone thinks; I don't follow 'classy' to fit in" types. Guys? Doesn't take a guy of a "different type" to stroll into a conveniently located strip club once in a good while to mix things up.

Ffs, so big pocket mum jeans are not sexy......so now i have to re-think my wardrobe, what ever happened to milfs.

Yeah, I know mom-jeans are not sexy. I mean, you can get a "milf" and put her in mom-jeans that aren't the worst kind, and she can still look good. Probably what allowed mom-jeans to get started -- hot women in their late 30s+ can make anything look at Least OK in an ad magazine, and the "look" itself expresses something in the Opposite direction of trying to be sexy. We'd rather have our own moms wear mom-jeans, not stylish nice ones ("You're old! Hang up the fashion, maw! Fashion and trying to look-good in that-way is for when you Don't have kids anymore!").

Anyway, my original point -- if a married guy is going to the strip club semi-regularly or more... his wife is probably in that mom-jeans category. Hey, as long as he's not getting any side action on-site, she should like that if she has any sex drive left. It'll get him a little horny; something that mom-jeans cannot accomplish. ;)

She wanted a man who did not have a 12 inch zipper on his pants. I had to stop and think about that one for a minute, but then it became clear.

Now you're onto it. It's not focused on the size of back-pockets. They're just awful looking fashion, usually with big back pockets, high waist, and long zipper. Kind of like a guy wearing an orange & pink fanny pack. "You're not a woman anymore... you're a Mom!"

Check out the SNL video laying it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2aVxNH6iN9I
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 48
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 3:10:09 PM

Now in your case, yes, everyone here knows how important that is to you. I am not trying to pick a fight, but you have never made a secret of this. We all remember when you were involved in a cat fight with another woman here. She was attacking you for dating someone quite a bit older. Your primary rebuttal was, “He has a flat stomach.”


Sorry Henry, but it seems to me that you are trying to pick a fight. First of all, a ten year age gap is not "quite a bit older"---at least not in our age group. Secondly, I think the woman you're referring to was trying to disparage me by saying my guy's older than he actually is. It was intended as a way to put down his physical appearance more so than his age.

If you've ever watched the reality show entitled "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills", you'll see several women married to men almost old enough to be their fathers. That more accurately constitutes "quite a bit older" in my book.

Also, I don't recall saying my guy had a "flat stomach"---only that he was in good shape. Yes, a fit partner is important to me---I make no apologies for that. It's a lifestyle choice that's compatible with my own.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 49
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 4:35:05 PM
^^^
hey skies ~ judging from some of your past references, I have read ...
concerning your significant other & the relationship in general ...

it's obvious - you both are very lucky, to have one another ...
to complement each other to a T , is a treasure ~ money can't by !!!

best of love and life ~ your way ( heart / sun )
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 50
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/14/2018 9:24:51 PM

well he is indeed gay but in the closet


I was right...g-g-g-g-gay!
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