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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?      Home login  
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 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 51
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

well he is indeed gay but in the closet


He's not anymore.
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 52
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/15/2018 1:40:33 AM

Please help me


Sure! Here's three paragraphs and 6 commas. Think nothing of it!
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 53
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/15/2018 1:46:45 PM
Well, i thought I would find out how conditioned i was. I googled lapdancing/strip clubs in my area. Nearest is the next town, where i grew up. One is called a gentlemans club tucked away on the edge of town. You can't see it, you have to know its there to go there. Interestingly its next to the gala bingo hall. Not sure how that works. So, to go there a young buck doesnt need to worry what people think of him for going there as most people would be wondering why he is going to play bingo. Add to that that when he goes there he will likely have to walk past the bingo hall where possibly his nan is waiting to play.

The pictures show a large illuminous stage in tbe middle complete with pole. Not sure how my friends husband didnt see that! But in his defense it is only a lapdancing club on a wed and saturday, he went on a friday i think. As for the sexy girls, well, if thats your thing........

The other one is in a run down road and looks like a run down burger bar. Its called macs girls, giving the impression of mumsy woman serving chips and burgers. Now that could be interesting for the unassuming man hoping to break free and enjoy a fat full treat.

Thank you for your kind words Henry. I dont know what big pocket mum jeans are either, i assumed they were not sexy. I stopped wearing jeans when they became skinny. Trying to suck my body into those suckers in the morning whilst cooking pancakes and shouting 'we have to leave now, i dont want to get told off by the head teacher AGAIN'. Was just too much. I swopped them for leggings, quick and easy making a clear statement of......'i managed to get dressed this morning'.

 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 54
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/15/2018 1:59:58 PM
I don't have one in my town either. Men know where they are☺ Gentlemen's club is a common name for them. Poor choice of wording to call men throwing money at naked women gentlemen.
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 55
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/16/2018 10:57:17 AM
thank you for your support.. but wow it has been a rollercoaster....
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 56
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/16/2018 10:58:15 AM
well i'm the only that knows and I don't plan to out him..
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 57
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/16/2018 12:01:22 PM

well i'm the only that knows


Knows? What? He came out with the secret?


I don't plan to out him..


Out him as in telling us or leaving him?

I'm so confused!
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 58
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/16/2018 12:08:22 PM

So, to go there a young buck doesnt need to worry what people think of him for going there as most people would be wondering why he is going to play bingo. Add to that that when he goes there he will likely have to walk past the bingo hall where possibly his nan is waiting to play.

Again, it's about image. Of course, is his nan playing bingo at 10pm on a Sat night? I would think she'd be taking Geritol and hitting the sack before then... unless of course, it's male strip night next door. ;)

But in his defense it is only a lapdancing club on a wed and saturday, he went on a friday i think. As for the sexy girls, well, if thats your thing........

Yeah, yeah. "No honey, I go on Friday! They don't give lap-dances on Friday! That's on Wednesdays! Bob does that, not me!" ;)

The other one is in a run down road and looks like a run down burger bar. Its called macs girls, giving the impression of mumsy woman serving chips and burgers.

That may just be like a Hooters, not a strip-club. Not that they're innocent little virgins or anything... but a good % of strippers who do it for a living will give BJs in the parking lot to keep up with their drug-party habit. :)

I stopped wearing jeans when they became skinny. Trying to suck my body into those suckers in the morning whilst cooking pancakes and shouting 'we have to leave now, i dont want to get told off by the head teacher AGAIN'.

Jeans come in many different sizes. There's always been jeans for women with large waists, thighs -- even fupas. Even ones with elastic bands (see prior SNL video link). And, like any pants, one can always get them another size bigger when the popular ones they like tend to be narrower in certain areas.

All in all, the "ugly jeans" thing isn't seen as ugly by quaint/non-fashionable folk. It's more like not wanting to dress like hipsters or anything nor Trying to be fashionable.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 59
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/21/2018 6:43:23 AM
He obviously loves you so why are you so obsessed over if he is gay or bi or what his sexuality is (since it seems complicated).
What is so upsetting exactly? I don't get it.
I wouldn't mind if the guy I'm dating is bi. As long as he is attracted to me, obviously lol
 greatgal1977
Joined: 3/1/2017
Msg: 60
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:41:10 AM
Sienna Bear, the guy in question hasn't been honest with OP about his sexual orientation. He lied and lied and lied to her face whenever she asked him about being gay or bi. Has he been honest and forthcoming from day one, she needed to
have a choice whether to stay with him or not. He should've told her that he plans to seek guys throughout their relationship if he is bi indeed.

This guy knows nothing about honesty and his lies make him dangerous to others.

What else did he lied to her about? Did he sneak around and cheat on her? Possibly. Did he put her at risk of STI's? Probably. Did he just used her as a cover since people still frown at being gay? Who known but very likely.

Not everybody has the same tolerance level as you Sienna Bear. OP did what was right for her.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 61
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:34:03 PM
There are more sexualities than just straight or gay.

If he was actually lying, its not right or healthy for the relationship.
I'm not seeing how he is lying though?
Unless it is in a further post.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 62
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:46:25 PM
Sienna, people term the word lie/lying very differently. I consider all forms of deception lying. This guy knew there would be a serious problem with being forward with his sexuality. He believed that the relationship would very likely come to an end if he came forward with the truth. He acted selfishly by dancing around the subject and withholding what was considered and understood to be very important information that this female was asking for. For many, withholding information is acceptable and I sometimes believe there are good acceptable reasons to do so. This was not one of those times, and he knew it. He considered his wants more important than her and deceived her to keep her.
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 63
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/23/2018 11:25:02 AM
thank you for the amazing responses that I have been reading.. your support is very much appreciated...as for Sienna.. I outright asked him is he was 100% straight and he said yes .. only to find out later that he was gay.. I was deceived.. he came to me acting like a heterosexual man when he wasn't.. and not only that I had to go and take STD tests, thankfully I was clean.. I also found out that he was messing with guys before he met me .... this really messed up with my head..i have to go in a couple of months time to get tasted again just in case...
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 64
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/24/2018 6:17:14 PM

He obviously loves you so why are you so obsessed over if he is gay or bi or what his sexuality is

Well, his sexuality does play a role in it. If he was truly Gay (not bi or straight) -- he's not sexually attracted to a GF. If he's bi, it brings into question in-what-way... is he full-on Bi, or is he fully attracted to men but somewhat with women, or vice versa? Brings in a lot of discussion. Especially since he's stammered that he's straight -- but turns out he isn't... according to the OP.

Speaking of which, MaryMary (OP) -- you say you found out. You were far far from specific. What did he Say (not what you yourself concluded after talking with him)? He admitted he has attraction to guys, but claims that he's still straight? If so, that doesn't mean he's gay. Still something of concern him liking guys, questioning if what You do is enough for him and to whether he still wants exploring which isn't cool for you or anyone else in a relationship with him... but that takes some talking/feeling out. If he came out to say that "Yeah, I am gay," then yeah -- it's good it's more clear... obviously you don't want to continue being GF/BF... but if he's happily had sexual relations with you, he's not gay.
 Escape2bfree
Joined: 1/7/2016
Msg: 65
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/28/2018 10:46:52 AM
Well there is always the games, you know, the lets make out im gay cos that will make her try harder, or the i want out of this relationship but i dont want the drama so if i pretend im gay then she'll go peacefully. Not to mention the 'hes normal, please learn what normal is'.

I feel like ive stepped into the twightlight zone, according to the website bingo is open from 9am - 3 am. Ive no idea how that works??? Do grannies stay out that late? or do younsters now prefer bingo to clubs???? So yeah, he might have to walk past dear old granny to go to a lap dancing club, unless he gets distracted and ends up playing bingo all night.

Ah how little you know of women ng, a bigger size??? Now thats is like admittng defeat. No no no no no. You change the fabric but keep the same size. Besides, there is only so big you can go in jeans before you start looking like your legs have been cut off at the knees.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 66
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/28/2018 2:45:41 PM

Ah how little you know of women ng, a bigger size??? Now thats is like admittng defeat. No no no no no. You change the fabric but keep the same size.

Like a gal's panties stretching so much you can see thru them -- even through the soiled parts? Yeah, they make jeans that have some flexible fabric in them, too. And ones that are all-out stretchy. Jeans, like other types of pants, can be stretchy or non-stretchy to various degrees.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 67
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/28/2018 2:50:09 PM

(SwedishChef456) Like a gal's panties stretching so much you can see thru them -- even through the soiled parts?


You know, you really need to realize that not *EVERY THOUGHT* that pops in to your head needs to be expressed...
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 68
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/29/2018 3:18:43 AM
Hi Norwegianguy I found out because when I dumped him he came to my house and he was crying on the phone saying he wanted to see me, I did go and he was just crying to me that he was born that way etc.. he didn't outright admit it .. like what the other user said there are little things that you can pick up from like the body language etc.. I know he is but he hates it.. he told me that he hate feeling that way.. his parents are very old fashioned which might be why he doesn't want to come out of the closet.... part of me resent him for using and another part of me is filled with empathy.... he is up to this day begging me to be with him saying he cant live without me .. well what about me and my life.. I want to be with a heterosexual man.... its so frustrating because I was so in love with him and I still am...
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 69
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/29/2018 3:34:11 AM

when I dumped him he came to my house and he was crying on the phone saying he wanted to see me, I did go


He came to your house....
Was crying on the phone....
You did go.....

^^^This is very confusing to say the least.

I understand loving him still and his confusion.
It comes down to one of two things....
Do you except he is flawed and love him regardless?
Or
Walk away and forget about him!

He can't except who he truly is and you can't except who he needs to be.

Very sad for you both.

I hope you can mend through this turmoil.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 70
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/29/2018 4:31:29 AM
This is just sad. I feel bad for the guy honestly. That you can't love him the way he is.
Obviously though if it interferes with how you interact etc intimately it is an issue.
There are more sexuality than just straight and gay. That is like the two ends of the spectrum in a way but there is also asexual and other sexualities, like bisexual which is in the middle.
I'm a hardcore fujoshi so I actually find it a turn on if the guy is bi lol.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 71
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/29/2018 12:12:10 PM

You know, you really need to realize that not *EVERY THOUGHT* that pops in to your head needs to be expressed...

Hey, I understand not everyone finds what I drew out as sexually appetizing, but tastes vary I guess. ;)

he was just crying to me that he was born that way etc.. he didn't outright admit it .. like what the other user said there are little things that you can pick up from like the body language etc

Okay, he's already dumped, he wants you back desperately, and didn't admit anything... born What Way then, if he didn't admit it?

he is up to this day begging me to be with him saying he cant live without me .. well what about me and my life..

He's had sex with you, he wants you, etc. He very well may not be gay, but Bi. Not that that wouldn't be a turn-off for you, but if he didn't say he was gay -- but pretty much you can pick up that he likes guys and desperately wants you, porks you, etc -- all indicators are that he's Bi, not gay.

This is just sad. I feel bad for the guy honestly. That you can't love him the way he is.

IF he is Gay, not Bi -- you shouldn't be loving someone in-that-way if they aren't to you. Second, even if he is Bi, and his pull to be with another guy is overshadowing things because he never experienced it (yet), etc -- hey, you don't have to hate him, and shouldn't in the end after the dust settles... but no, you shouldn't be With him.

I just hope MaryMary in her non-up-frontness isn't reading his like of fetishes and sexually weirdness as = gay or even bi. Like she says, he comes from a very old-fashioned family, so doing some real kinky stuff can get someone feeling like they're bad, especially when the GF leaves him. He could just be barely-bi -- not turned Off by fooling around with guys, but mainly into girls. Much like many gay guys are barely-bi but we call them gay, because their attraction toward women is so small, vice-versa can be the case where you call them straight, but, he's willing to fool around in sexual stunts with other dudes in the mix.
 marymary20172017
Joined: 10/25/2017
Msg: 72
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/30/2018 4:12:35 AM
I just want to thank you all for your continual support and responses, you have no idea how much this means to me.. well i'm pretty sure he is gay (not even bi), he said to me the other day that I'm that type of girl to turn a gay man straight.... he has also said indirectly how he wishes I was a boy...since I know that he has been having a hard time I have been talking to him on the phone because he was my best friend.. he asked me what if I were to have beard (!!!!).. and I said to him you need to talk to your mum and come out of that closet and said he will never come out.. and he said he had so much to lose... he said he loves me too much and he doesn't want to loose me etc... how unfair is this I want someone who can love me on all levels....I love him but I don't want to be a fool in love... but oh boy its not easy living in the closet... it is such a misery..
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 6/16/2017
Msg: 73
Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/30/2018 4:57:52 AM


(AT) You know, you really need to realize that not *EVERY THOUGHT* that pops in to your head needs to be expressed...


(SwedishChef456) Hey, I understand not everyone finds what I drew out as sexually appetizing, but tastes vary I guess. ;)


Yeah, see what you're doing there? You're being an @$$hole. Stop doing that.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 74
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/30/2018 5:18:06 AM

he has also said indirectly how he wishes I was a boy.


he asked me what if I were to have beard (!!!!)..

Did you ask him why he wants to be with you? is he attracted to you sexually? like if he IS fully gay and not even bi, whys he going with a woman?
Pretty messed up.
Ask him if he is attracted to both men and women or if he only is attracted to guys or mainly?
How does it impact your relationship?


IF he is Gay, not Bi -- you shouldn't be loving someone in-that-way if they aren't to you. Second, even if he is Bi, and his pull to be with another guy is overshadowing things because he never experienced it (yet), etc -- hey, you don't have to hate him, and shouldn't in the end after the dust settles... but no, you shouldn't be With him.

I just hope MaryMary in her non-up-frontness isn't reading his like of fetishes and sexually weirdness as = gay or even bi. Like she says, he comes from a very old-fashioned family, so doing some real kinky stuff can get someone feeling like they're bad, especially when the GF leaves him. He could just be barely-bi -- not turned Off by fooling around with guys, but mainly into girls. Much like many gay guys are barely-bi but we call them gay, because their attraction toward women is so small, vice-versa can be the case where you call them straight, but, he's willing to fool around in sexual stunts with other dudes in the mix.

IF he is outright gay and still going for women he is either repressed from his family or something else or very confused/messed up. lol. Being gay or bi isn't even much of an issue in today's society. If he is attracted to guys 100% not women he should go for them. Yeah he might be repressed and think his sexual preferences = gay or something.
I think OP really needs to find out what the issue is, like find out where he is on the sexuality spectrum and honestly I don't even see the issue myself here, unless he isn't attracted to her.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 75
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Is my Boyfriend gay and in denial or am i paranoid?
Posted: 1/30/2018 1:24:31 PM

he said to me the other day that I'm that type of girl to turn a gay man straight....

Which could be an indicator that he's just Bi...

he has also said indirectly how he wishes I was a boy...

... same there if he hasn't dealt with a guy before and it's an itch he wants to scratch. But even so, even if Bi with that itch, you shouldn't waste time being an item when he's Bi and yearning to try out c0ck for the 1st time.

he asked me what if I were to have beard (!!!!)..

Yeah, that indicates he's gay if it wasn't joshing around. :)

But here's the Real Test of gay VS bi: If he's gay, he just wouldn't want to lose you as a friend, but wouldn't want to be a real item (role-playing for mum & dad at most). If he's Bi, he'd want to be a Real item with you still.

Either way, even if Bi, if he's aiming for the chance to experience guys for once -- he's batting from the gay side of the plate at the time, and a real relationship ain't going to work. Him being Bi would be more confusing/frustrating. Him being gay -- well, it's a lot more clear-cut with less confusion. Easier to swiftly churn into being friends. So if he Is gay, you shouldn't worry about being friends with him. Hey, maybe he could give you a charity eat-out once in a while if your dating scene's going bad. ;)
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