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 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 26
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smothering/clingy manPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)

I'm never going to understand why people ask for advice, get it, then argue against it, ignore it or ghost their own thread. SMH

I know eh.

I hope so too FLady
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 27
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/12/2018 6:19:03 AM
"I'm never going to understand why people ask for advice, get it, then argue against it, ignore it or ghost their own thread. "

>>>Merlin said it best in L'morte D'arthur--in matters of romance, people don't ask for advice on the best way to handle things...they seek permission to do what they know they shouldn't do.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 28
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/12/2018 9:10:59 AM

I'm never going to understand why people ask for advice, get it, then argue against it, ignore it or ghost their own thread.


Not all advice is good, though. The profile review section is a prime example.
 smartyskirt65
Joined: 12/12/2017
Msg: 29
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/15/2018 3:43:06 PM
I haven't ghosted on my own thread. I have been busy and haven't been on the computer much other than to pay bills. Plus I thought there was some rule about only so many posts by the same poster on a page or something like that.

Things are much better. I did read the link that was provided regarding depression. I looked at his medication list which was something sent home with him from the hospital. He's on an antidepressant. I was glad to see that. I am sure leaving all his friends behind and moving across the country has been very hard. I remember what it was like when I came here from Chicago and didn't know a soul. I was much, much younger then. It was easier to adapt at that age.

We have done a lot of talking and I let him know that I am a very social person and enjoy my friends. I told him if anything is going to break us up, it will be his smothering, clingy attitude. He's been much better about asking if I have plans rather than assuming we will be getting together.

I appreciate everyone's responses and help. He has invited one of his friends from home to come out, and is doing more things without me that he enjoys and I don't. I hope this relationship does last because it gets really old at this age to go through another breakup.
 forumslady
Joined: 12/7/2016
Msg: 30
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/17/2018 8:01:50 PM
BadGirlinOregon- Thank you for the update.
It feels odd to say I'm glad he's on an anti-depressant, but I think you understand why I am.
It seems like he's making an effort to try to meet you halfway.

One thing- Please don't stay just to keep from starting over, that isn't the right reason to stay.
Only stay because you want to, because you love him, to do anything else would cheat you both.

I hope this works out, truly. :)
 smartyskirt65
Joined: 12/12/2017
Msg: 31
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/18/2018 3:29:01 PM
Thank you forumslady! I really do love him and I am glad he finally understands I can't spend every single evening with him.

We went out to dinner last night and the man in the booth across from us picked up on his accent and they started talking. He was saying how much he missed the food back home. My bf said he would be happy to cook a nice dinner and make him something that he hasn't been able to find here. He took his phone number. I hope something comes of it. He was a nice retired man and I hope they get together. I'd like them to meet in person again before he has him over. The man and his wife seemed really nice but after all, they were complete strangers.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 32
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/18/2018 4:56:36 PM
BadGirl, I'm in WA state, and I'm a transplant from NY. The people are very different in WA, and forget about finding food from back east. They don't know what a knish is, a mile high pastrami sandwich and you can't find fresh mozzarella. I bring a few pounds of mozzarella back with me when I visit. My sister visited me and brought a few pounds with her. One year I brought back pastries and an Asian sauce I like. If he can find ingredients he used, he can make stuff he used to eat at home or find ingredients online.

Meetup.com has groups dedicated to transplants. I bet he would enjoy going to one of those get togethers.
 smartyskirt65
Joined: 12/12/2017
Msg: 33
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/19/2018 1:07:34 AM
We don't have meet- up groups here. I wish we did. I've heard of a lot of people making friends through meet up groups.

This is a very small town, and most towns in Oregon are all very small. There are bigger populations in the cities that are along the interstate, which we are not close to.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 34
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 1/22/2018 6:18:02 PM
If Mr. "Clingyman" is very into politics, why not have him contact the local club of his political affiliation? There he would meet "like-minded" folks, and maybe even become active in local politics by volunteering on a campaign. That would take up a lot of his time.
 dynamicones
Joined: 2/7/2018
Msg: 35
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/12/2018 9:33:51 AM
I'm 58 my gf's 41 and she's like this. where I go she wants to be. FORTUNATELY this doesn't annoy me, were it a jealousy trust thing we'd not even be together, she just prefers life at my side. Other women have annoyed me with this. Maybe you just have the wrong guy
 look4welshFriends
Joined: 6/13/2016
Msg: 36
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/12/2018 5:58:43 PM
you can only project yourself into a reply, but i read it as, he's very lonely. He may also be rubbish at making friends - i was shocked, at age forty, to discover i had autism, and nobody believes me when i tell them because i used to be loud and outgoing (it's knocked my confidence a lot), but he may have a reason that he doesn't know why.

I work in an area with a lot of old people too, and some men really can't get used to retiring. He's shown he's willing to make a big change, and he's going through a lot. Maybe he's still in the honeymoon period? Did he fall in love much before - maybe it's really new to him, having someone else there and stuff? But mainly, i think by 'i love you more than you love me' he's saying, the best way he knows how, 'i need you more than you need me', which is strictly true; he really lacks the self-insight to see though and that love and need are different things.

Men are a lot less sensitive than women, and can really rub it in ('he acts hurt') because this level of rubbing it in is milder to them - like babies can bear to scream deafeningly because their ears are different. If i had a solution to that problem - either of them - i could be rich though.

My final suggestion is - i've searched and searched and i can't find it anywhere, but there was this really famous and popular psychologist or psychotherapist who published loads of books, one book of which was about introverts and extraverts, and she maintained that her personal survey of thousands of couples always found one of each in each pair. I mean, maybe that's something else he needs to admit and deal with, that not only is a difference in level of need different from a difference in love, and that he needs to sort out his neediness, but that he has different needs from you as he's probably an introvert. Wish i could remember the name of the book.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 37
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/12/2018 7:22:07 PM
Look4^^^^Someone said to me once that she thought a lot of the men on POF were on the spectrum. That was eye opening.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 38
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/13/2018 7:08:10 AM

Posted By: Newyorker58 on 2/12/2018 907 PM
Subject: smothering/clingy man
Message: Look4^^^^Someone said to me once that she thought a lot of the men on POF were on the spectrum. That was eye opening.


My ex wife is "on the spectrum" she used to spend hours every night posting on "Wrong Planet". At one point she and her friends on that forum had a plan to create an off the grid aspie utopia but then for some reason it all went south.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 39
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/13/2018 9:13:16 AM
I guess that was her reality.
 Whatsamattababy
Joined: 9/29/2017
Msg: 40
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/13/2018 1:36:22 PM
This crowd is getting really young.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 41
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/13/2018 3:52:43 PM
^^^ I've noticed that. I wish I had a cute baby picture to post like some of the others, but I had this god-awful pixie haircut and a missing front tooth.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 42
smothering/clingy man
Posted: 2/13/2018 4:05:58 PM
^lol Vast majority of mine went up in flames with the rest of the farmhouse. C'est la vie

Move to country cause city is too dangerous and almost die in a house fire? My parents were good judge of location dangers I guess, so much so we moved back to city. Then moved here somewhere in all this moving my other pictures vanished to a quiet location never to be seen or heard again. But on the brightside I still had all my books?

As for clingy/smothering man it seems to me guys are to extreme into women or not giving them enough time to suit their needs the hopeless endeavours of the male species.
 Magellan2017
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 43
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smothering/clingy man
Posted: 3/1/2018 9:04:05 PM
Maybe you just have different personality traits and or needs.
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