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 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 226
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Older men's expectationsPage 10 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

I've personally never met a healthy, straight man over 60 who's lost interest in women. If you've lost desire for female companionship, then I propose that there could be something going on with you that you're unaware of. You might want to get checked out by both medical and mental health professionals.


This is what I would call selection bias.

You only "meet" 60 year old men interested in dating.

Think of all the 60 year old men you might pass on the street daily. You have no idea how they feel about their interest in dating.

Men that have lost interest in women won't be talking to you about dating. Those that do have an interest in dating will approach you. So you "only" meet men interested in dating. That says nothing at all about all the rest of 60+men you never meet. Just joining a dating site indicates some level of interest in dating, but not all 60+ men join dating sites.

I know most women my mothers have no interest in dating (91), and they didn't have an interest in dating for the last 25 years of their life.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 227
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/10/2018 8:44:15 AM
ohenryx
One thing I want to know from all of these men who claim to have “lost my desire for women” –

Do you still have sexual desires? Do you still masturbate, and think about, fantasize about, watch videos of attractive women while …. ?

If the answer to the above is “yes”, then you have NOT lost your desire for women. You have just become unwilling to pay the price to obtain what you want, what you desire.


Henry, it's an interesting subject to me.

Since I have been on TRT (testosterone replacement) and been off TRT I can state hormone levels directly affect how I at least think about women.

What's REALLY interesting, this always feels "logical, mature thinking" even if it's completely different depending on levels of hormones. Women likely understand this better because they regularly go through a lot of hormone changes monthly. While with men, it’s such a slow gradual change it seems natural.

So if my testosterone is low, I really don't have any interest in sex or masturbation. I could watch a porn movie and only feel bored. I experimented and if I try and force it, I could masturbate, but it doesn't seem worth the effort. I wouldn’t say my interest was zero, but it was fairly low level. And my testos really never went clinically low, just near the bottom range of normal. If my testosterone is very high, a random thought in the shower at the gym can give me an erection. Not a good place to get an erection.

Western countries in general have experienced a worldwide generational decline in testosterone levels and for unknown reasons. So younger men aren't the same as kind of man as their father.

IMO all men starting at 30 should test their hormones to get a baseline, and test every so often, like 5 years to monitor what is going on. Not that I think anyone will take that advice , but it's good advice.

Speaking from experience, a lower desire for sex isn't always a bad thing, it certainly makes life simpler and one can enjoy many other things besides sex. However, the other problem of low testosterone is a "tendency" to gain weight, become a couch potato, and have a number of other health problems. Probably depends on how low is low.

No one likes to think so much of our behavior and thinking is strongly influenced by hormones. but there is a reason they once created eunuchs to guard harems.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 228
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/10/2018 12:31:09 PM


I've personally never met a healthy, straight man over 60 who's lost interest in women. If you've lost desire for female companionship, then I propose that there could be something going on with you that you're unaware of. You might want to get checked out by both medical and mental health professionals.

Can the same be said if you reverse the genders-that any woman over 60 who doesn't desire male companionship has something mentally wrong with her?

Short answer, I'd say is 'yes, but...'.

I think that as long as there's an interest in something, then that person is reasonably healthy.
It could be an interest in being healthier - noticing that we've aged and doing things to combat that or realize that we don't feel as good as we did when we were younger and wanting a medical opinion confirming that we're just getting older and more subject to osteoarthritis or high cholesterol or any of a thousand little ills that plague humanity rather than something painfully deadly.
It might be an interest in mentoring younger people, teaching what we know and gathering a few awed looks at our life's experiences.
It might be in devoting our time to family and friends and, yes, to possible future romantic relationships.

But someone without interest in anything - who wishes to grow no further, who wishes to stagnate now that they consider their dues paid, who wishes no communication with anyone - yeah, I'd consider that unhealthy. Mentally first, then physically.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 229
Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/10/2018 5:55:05 PM
Dragon, thanks for that detailed post on testosterone. I have no idea if mine is low, but I'm not at that level you described vis a vis porn visual stimulation...but I also am not competitive like a teenager (ie, if someone passes me on a highway, I don't speed up). I always figured it was just maturity :) Glad to know it probably is, and not just low testie.

Good appoint about not approaching...those who do not approach, probably blend into the background and not become part of any "scientific" observation. We can be interested in something, curious about it, and yet never step up and ask for any clarification. to re-paraphrase Henry, if a hot woman fell into my lap, I wouldn't push her away. But is a relationship worth all the effort? I can get friendship from a friend (and if I had family left, from there too). Dating someone to just get what I can from a friend, who goes Dutch? well....:)
 sussex11
Joined: 12/24/2017
Msg: 230
Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/11/2018 3:31:59 PM
I know this is crazy. But I had a friend who worked in a nursing home. She told me a story of an 83 year old man who ask one of the male attendents to please him, for he was willing to pay. So, I think some men never stop, no matter how old.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 231
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/11/2018 9:39:38 PM

dragonbytes
Speaking from experience, a lower desire for sex isn't always a bad thing, it certainly makes life simpler and one can enjoy many other things besides sex.

There have been periods in my life when I suppressed sexual desires, sublimated sex and concentrated on other things. Women (in general) seem to be able to do this more easily than men. And of course you can find a lot of literature dealing with this topic, 1984, George Orwell, immediately springs to mind.


MachIMustangII
But is a relationship worth all the effort?

The answer, of course, depends. First you have to define relationship. Every relationship is different, and everyone has their own idea of exactly what constitutes a relationship.

The way I see it, a relationship requires commitment, and work. Paying attention, doing the right thing, making an effort, every day, to be there for the other party. I think (know, actually) that if you are with the right person, that “work” becomes much easier, much more fulfilling. And if you’re not with the right person, the work can drive you batshit crazy.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 232
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/12/2018 4:03:03 AM
Mustang, Simply put, if you want a relationship, it's worth the effort, if you don't, it's not worth it. While you can do some things for yourself, it's nicer to have someone to do them with, like for sex. It's nice to have the companionship to share one's day, the good and the bad, to be heard, and to get support. A good partner creates happiness by fulfilling needs. It's nice to have someone to share hobbies with.

If you're of a like mind, you invest in hobbies together. Money goes further when you combine forces. You can save more money to enjoy life together. For instance, your partner could sell their home and buy one in a warm location to snowbird the F out of frozen winters in CT.

A partner is there to care about you and take care of you, if need be, 24/7. Friends aren't always available and aren't going to be a caregiver anywhere near like a partner would. A partner is someone to enjoy aspects of life with you that you'd rather not or would not do by yourself. If you're happy sitting at home and watching Nova by yourself during the winter, and then going to car shows solo in the warmer months, and that fulfills you, I guess you don't need a relationship. You're living vicariously thru Nova while you could travel with a partner to places you've seen and experience them first hand.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 9/15/2015
Msg: 233
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/12/2018 7:32:39 AM
ohenryx
There have been periods in my life when I suppressed sexual desires, sublimated sex and concentrated on other things. Women (in general) seem to be able to do this more easily than men. And of course you can find a lot of literature dealing with this topic, 1984, George Orwell, immediately springs to mind.


I have wondered how many older men have a mental desire for sex, but if they don't have sex on a regular basis, how can they know for sure how they will perform, or how often they actually want sex if sex is on the table on a constant basis.

Kind of like, sure I can hike this trail, but after the first 3 miles I am begging for relief.

Filed under: The Little Engine That Could
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 234
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/12/2018 4:58:32 PM
I know of men in their late 80's who retain an ongoing interest in sex. They all have had high sex drives all their lives and have enjoyed regular sex. It may be a use it or lose it proposition.

As for me if I am around attractive women appearing fecund I remain interested. If I am around termagants, grimalkins and the like I have no interest at all.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 235
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/13/2018 11:42:08 AM
dragon wrote:
or how often they actually want sex if sex is on the table on a constant basis.
I would not suggest older men have sex on tables on a constant basis. Unless you're tied to it, and that's another subject.


I can hike this trail, but after the first 3 miles I am begging for relief.
More like begging for relief after the first 3 inches?


Filed under: The Little Engine That Could
Or the Little Engine that Came?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 236
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/13/2018 5:39:17 PM

dragonbytes
I have wondered how many older men have a mental desire for sex, but if they don't have sex on a regular basis, how can they know for sure how they will perform, or how often they actually want sex if sex is on the table on a constant basis.

Kind of like, sure I can hike this trail, but after the first 3 miles I am begging for relief.

I have had a number of highly charged sexual relationships, within the last few years. No, not at it like rabbits every day, too many other obligations, jobs, work, family, whatever. But when things are good and hot, get together 3 or 4 times a week, ….

There are a great many women out there in their 50’s and 60’s who think they will never again have such experiences. And are very pleasantly surprised when they do.

It can be very difficult to get a woman into bed the first time, but once you do, if the sex is good, they are almost universally ready to go at it as much or more than the average man. I have found this to be true all of my life, and it certainly hasn’t changed at my present age.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 237
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:01:26 PM
I have always said....the better I get it....the more I want it!!
and that has not changed with age!!

I can honestly say that I am having the best sex of my life ...and thankfully, he says the same thing!!
at 55 and 61...we may not be hanging from the chandeliers....but dayum....we are sure enjoying the journey!!
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 238
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:09:23 PM
LOL ^ ^ ^ Perhaps the chandelier needs to be lowered?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 239
i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:48:03 PM
"Mustang, Simply put, if you want a relationship, it's worth the effort, if you don't, it's not worth it."--

>>>yeah, and of course, no one offers a perfect relationship. My best friend can annoy me with her idiocy, but other times, we can talk forever--even tho we talk daily. a few years ago, I tried dating a hottie airhead. It was fun sometimes, annoying others. I can understand why older couples want to not live together, not spend all their free time together. some people have already developed their life into what they want. and of course, sometimes we want to enjoy something for a while, then take some time from it, and then return. Like traveling. its great fun, and then you want to go home and sleep in your own bed.

" While you can do some things for yourself, it's nicer to have someone to do them with, like for sex."

>>true, and sex with the hottie airhead would have been fun--not b/c she would have been good in bed, but as Dragon pointed out, not having sex on a regular basis, she sure would have been fun to practice oral skills on :) At least I can still kiss, or so said the last woman I made out with. I have a longtime female friend who calls every day, and it would be nice to spread that around a little. Today a married friend called, she had taken pain meds for a root canal and then forgot she had an appointment in town. I was able to kick a non-starting car to life and got her a ride home in the rain so she didn't have to try walking. its nice to have people to lean on, its great to have ones to share hobbies with (I have a male friend I see at a ton of car shows, he's as knowledgeable as I am, but dammit he can talk an ear off! you tell him you're ready to leave the show for dinner, the lights are shut off, the mosquitos are biting, and he goes on for another half an hour).

I hate to be a pessimist, but i'm resigned to the fact i'll take care of myself mostly alone as usual. I would be so happy to have good health and then drop dead suddenly of a heart attack :)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 240
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/13/2018 7:07:36 PM
That was nice of you to help your friend out. About a woman in a relationship being a caregiver (or a man in my case), you never know if your partner is gonna die first, but of course there are other reasons for a relationship. Good luck with your heart attack in old age☺ I wish the same for myself, but I have a feeling it's not gonna go down that way for either of us. Still, we'll deal with illness when it comes, like we deal with life now.

It's a definite to not meet anyone if you never put yourself out there, though. I liken dating to applying for a job. You have to put a lot of effort in for a good outcome. I don't come from a very social or outgoing family. When my brother broke up with his gf, I told him go out and do what you enjoy and meet someone that way. His funny response was the person is going to have to break thru a wall then, to find him doing what he likes to do, which is stay in. He worked in a hospital and met a nurse. They're together 20 years now.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 241
i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/14/2018 4:53:01 PM
"that was nice of you to help your friend out"

>>>Thanks, yeah, her husband works and she doesn't, so if I couldn't force the car to start (turns out it was only a bad battery, yay) she'd be stuck at the town library until he got home from work. But otherwise, why not help, right? :) There are reasons for a relationship, typically the same reasons for having friends (except the sex and romance, natch). We will all deal with our illnesses when they come, but I was dumb enough to spray poison ivy killer and the wind blew it up my nose..i might deal with it sooner :) lol

I agree, the best way to meet, is to get out there. But I also know going out golfing doesn't make me Tiger Woods :) It should be fun, however, and if it was, I don't think we'd have this conversation for anyone--we gravitate towards fun and instant gratification, right?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 242
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/14/2018 7:42:34 PM

MachIMustangII
Today a married friend called, she had taken pain meds for a root canal and then forgot she had an appointment in town. I was able to kick a non-starting car to life and got her a ride home in the rain so she didn't have to try walking.

her husband works and she doesn't, so if I couldn't force the car to start (turns out it was only a bad battery, yay) she'd be stuck at the town library until he got home from work. But otherwise, why not help, right?

Man, you gotta get yourself one reliable car. Having a fun car (an Olds 4-4-2) can be a lot of fun, but you need, first and foremost, reliable transportation. The fun car comes after the reliable car.

Which, of course, makes me think of women. To be honest, everything makes me think of women. What I need are (at minimum) 2 women. One reliable, and one strictly for fun. Can I say that here? Nah, probably better not, would get me crucified. (smile)

On a more serious note, I have been thinking of your suggestion that I get a classic muscle car, just for fun. Thinking quite hard, actually.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 243
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Act old, be old
Posted: 6/14/2018 9:20:45 PM
Mustang, what happened to the car you just bought?

Did it kill the poison ivy? I have regular ivy I'm pulling. It's a motherf-er. It's resistant to pesticides. I think Roundup makes one especially for poison ivy.

You may have that tight with the bucks, from your parents, mentality. You deserve to explore life more and have fun. There have to be things on Nova where you thought it would be cool to see it IRL. I hope you at least have a big beautiful tv. The newest are the 4k tvs. 4k doesn't mean $4,000☺ It's very high resolution.
 Clytemnestra
Joined: 6/6/2018
Msg: 244
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/15/2018 8:03:12 AM
ohenryx msg241:
What I need are (at minimum) 2 women. One reliable, and one strictly for fun. Can I say that here? Nah, probably better not, would get me crucified. (smile


Substitute 'men' for 'women' in the above and this was my philosophy in my twenties. It actually worked for awhile.(smile)

And now that I'm old but again single, I think yes,this is the best of all possible worlds.

;-0
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 245
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/15/2018 10:27:52 AM

What I need are (at minimum) 2 women. One reliable, and one strictly for fun. Can I say that here? Nah, probably better not, would get me crucified. (smile).


Ok...I'll bite....
so what roles do each of these women play??
What role does Miss Reliable fill since I am assuming Miss Fun is for sex??

and hey, as long as your honest to both these women and they are agreeable....have at it!!

But personally, I'll stick with reliable and fun all rolled into one person!!
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 246
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/15/2018 11:17:01 AM
I'm kind of interested to know what a reliable woman is as well.
And why can't a reliable woman be fun?
I know this was probably posted tongue in cheek, but it honestly
makes no sense to me.

Honestly, first thing that popped into my head was Ms. Reliable
would always be on time to go nowhere and would have supper
on the table as soon as you arrived. And Ms Fun would get to go
out and then come back home for sex.

I don't find either one of the scenarios appealing.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 247
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/15/2018 11:49:29 AM
Tom Jones's song "she's a lady" that kinda works for me.

Well, she's all you'd ever want
She's the kind I like to flaunt and take to dinner
But she always knows her place
She's got style, she's got grace, she's a winner
She's a lady

Well, she's never in the way
Always something nice to say, and what a blessin'
I can leave her on her own
Knowin' she's okay alone and there's no messin'
She's a lady

Well, she never asks very much
And I don't refuse her
Always treat her with respect
I never would abuse her
What she's got is hard to find
And I don't want to lose her
Help me build a mountain
From a little pile of clay, hey hey hey

Well, she knows what I'm about
She can take what I dish out, and that's not easy
But she knows me through and through
And she knows just what to do and how to please me
She's a lady

You asked!!
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 248
Act old, be old
Posted: 6/15/2018 12:58:37 PM
"Man, you gotta get yourself one reliable car."


>>>oh, I did, that one was the latest to have starting issues :) I figured, go back to a vehicle with few options, less things to break down. Sometimes, you just can't escape fate's inconveniences. I have old truck for dump runs, economy car I trust again for 4 hr round trips to car shows, and fun car for when it doesn't rain...which hasn't been very often so far this spring. Again, i'd recommend for those who can afford it, find a recent muscle car, you get a lot of safety options, much more modern steering and brakes, and they still can be darn fast. Of course, there's probably leasing, don't even really have to buy it. Or just a convertible, my friend bought one 4 cars ago and hasn't gone back since. The joke in the Corvette world is men wait until they can afford one, and then are too old to climb into those low slung, fold-into-the-seat cars.

I reapplied the poison ivy spray after the rain, its an old Agway thing I found while cleaning...if I didn't know better, it smells like maybe my father used the old tin can to store turpentine :) some of my frugality might be in response to my father spending money like water after a childhood of poverty. I don't have the new big screen TV's, but sometime soon. As for traveling, i'd like to do it with someone, know what I mean?

As for Henry's two women comment, i'm pretty sure women have used me that way--the bad boy for sex, the nice guy for friendship/go shopping/do dinner sorta bf stuff :) maybe we all want a Madonna/Whore to call our own.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 249
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i'd beg for relief on my knees, but then i'd have to get back up again
Posted: 6/15/2018 7:07:41 PM
You see, I told you I would get crucified. Well, not really, just questioned. So to answer those questions:


browneyesboo
I know this was probably posted tongue in cheek, but it honestly
makes no sense to me.

You are correct, it was mostly tongue in cheek. But here’s the logic behind the humor, or attempted humor.

There is a very old joke along the lines of “crazy women are always the best in bed”. Unfortunately, it is not just a joke, there is some truth to it. But they are also very hard to put up with, and eventually, you do give up on them, no matter how great the sex is.

Which does not mean that a “sane” woman can’t be fun in bed, she definitely can. But most just flat don’t measure up to what that crazy woman did, or was willing to try, or even suggested herself.


MsMicki
But personally, I’ll stick with reliable and fun all rolled into one person.

Well, that is the Holy Grail, isn’t it? But we have to remember that Sir Lancelot never actually found the Holy Grail, so …

All I can say, it’s a good thing I’m enjoying the search!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 250
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Act old, be old
Posted: 6/15/2018 7:19:30 PM

MachIMustangII


Man, you gotta get yourself one reliable car.

oh, I did, that one was the latest to have starting issues :) I figured, go back to a vehicle with few options, less things to break down. Sometimes, you just can't escape fate's inconveniences. I have old truck for dump runs, economy car I trust again for 4 hr round trips to car shows, and fun car for when it doesn't rain..

Four hour road trips in an econo box is NOT living the good life. No way, no how.

Look for an old luxury car. One owned by a little old lady, garage kept, with low miles. A Cadillac Deville or a Lincoln Town Car, something along these lines. I have owned several Devilles, loved every one of them. Even the one that blew the Northstar head gasket.


MachIMustangII
As for Henry's two women comment, i'm pretty sure women have used me that way--the bad boy for sex, the nice guy for friendship/go shopping/do dinner sorta bf stuff :) maybe we all want a Madonna/Whore to call our own.

When I was younger, in my 20s, I encountered a lot of that sort of behavior. I made up my mind very early on, I would NOT be the “nice guy for friendship”, the one who listened to her stories about the “bad boy” she was actually sleeping with.

Just to be perfectly clear, this was back when I was in my 20s. Since my divorce 8 years ago, I have very seldom encountered women behaving in that way. The great majority of women in my age bracket have grown up and exhibit much better behavior.
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