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 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 76
Older men's expectationsPage 4 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
"The art of diplomacy in conversation--participation and sharing"

>>>spending the majority of my life on my own, I've been cognizant of this battle. When you lack roomates and live out in the boonies, its very easy to go out in public and start unloading every experience in your life that you found interesting...and which others may not. During the summer, I cross paths often with a lad at events we both enjoy, and oh brother...he'll start talking over you to get his point thru. and then after the event is over, he'll follow you to your car to spend another hour--or two!--conversing. At least its interesting, but if you want to leave by 8pm to go have dinner, and its getting on 10 pm and the bugs are out and biting and he keeps going on...he's good practice in figuring out, a good 30 minutes before my legs are tired, that i'm going to be ready to leave and announce it so that he can start the long wind-down. :)

Years ago, I met someone online from far away (not thru this medium), and she played 50 questions in order for us to get to know each other. I played along, and as a single mom she asked if we dated, when should her daughter call me dad? so I told her the only answer I thought there was--that it wasn't up to me, it was up to her daughter and no one else. There was a pause on the phone line, and then she asked if I was blowing smoke up her ass b/c that was the most perfect answer she ever heard. I don't remember the rest of the questions, and I doubt she did either, b/c I had passed whatever test there was :)

I can understand people in large, metropolitan areas not having cars, I've known some New Yorkers. i'd hate to think a lack of cellphone as a universal red flag, I just don't like the electronic leashes. maybe its one of many reasons i'm single :)

"A soft talker sounds like a treat, my last Gf was German, she was far from quiet ."

>>>if you live in a home far out in the sticks...noise can be fun :)

"We were exchanging stories about initial meetings gone bad "

>>>am I the only one here, who would have choke out their inner Kokopelli and answer that question with

"Y'mean like this one?"

:)

"I do God a Big favor. I don't bother him much."

>>>I try to do God a favor, and fix His idiots. Its not my fault they won't stay fixed

(what's that little devil's emoji?)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 77
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:28:43 PM
Weird story. I swear to god, I have the weirdest life, you could not make up this stuff.

A few weeks ago, I start talking to this woman on POF. We get around to talking on the phone, and I decide she’s a bit flaky, too many pets, strange behavior. She is 61, very attractive, but a little “off”. So I let it drop, don’t reach out to her again. Fast forward, 3 weeks, no contact, I’m driving home from the gym about 8:30 this evening and she calls me. She wants my advice about a first date she had last night, which went really well, but it didn’t. Yeah, right.

So we talk on the phone for about an hour. Really wide ranging subjects, and me being me, we get into sex. It gets steamy. She insists that she can’t enjoy sex outside of a loving relationship, except that she has, and is giving me details.

My phone dies. Can you believe it? Just dies. Deader than a doornail. I jump on the computer, send her a text via Google Voice, apologizing, explaining. Tomorrow I’m going to buy a new phone. Maybe two. (smile)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 78
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:45:46 PM
Mustang, I run into chatty men and women while I'm out shopping. Even though I can't relate to what may be loneliness on their part, as a long-time single person, I don't want to be self-centered. That can easily happen when life is all about you 24/7. Talking to these people and lending an ear is a kindness. Think of it as a donation of your time☺ I show more patience with old people, but someone can be lonely at any age. You know what they say, patience is a virtue
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 79
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Henry is getting laid
Posted: 1/21/2018 8:53:44 PM
She's into you, Henry! She's priming you with sex talk
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 80
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Posted: 1/21/2018 8:55:06 PM
She's into you, Henry! She's priming you with sex talk Can't you continue to talk by plugging in the charge cord?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 81
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Posted: 1/21/2018 11:55:54 PM
^^^ Seems like his phone may have stopped working since he mentions buying a new phone or two. Just my guess until Henry replies back here.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 82
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 5:00:37 AM
"She's attractive, but a little off"

>>I find that attractive people can afford to be flaky...or maybe we all just ignore ugly flaky people :) But, yeah, the person who has rules, and then breaks those rules for the hot people...that behavior isn't flaky, that's having choices. She can "afford" to break her own rules. When you are attractive enough to attract people who look great but don't have the personality you are looking for...you can convince yourself that getting sex from them, will be enough. I can look at the drama queen I can attract, and go, "nope, not worth the cost of the nonsense."

If Henry can get his er, phone, to work, we may not hear from him in a while :) But that's really not a weird life, yesterday was nice warm weather for once, so I jump into my 4-4-2, it fires up on the second turn of the key even tho I haven't run it since early December, I put my foot on the brake pedal to shift the automatic into First and....the pedal sinks right to the floor. no brakes. But, its in my driveway. This could have happened out on the road, or worse, when I was "blowing out the carbon". This thing seems to only break down in my driveway, thank the Good Lord. Some of our material items just have a weird timing of when they are going to break down. anyway, Henry, best of luck in plugging in your charging cord :)

"Talking to these people and lending an ear is a kindness. Think of it as a donation of your time"

>>>yeah, there's always the time when you do learn something new. and the fellow I mentioned used to contemplate suicide, we had that talk when Robin Williams did himself in. So, I guess its more karmic brownie points for me :)
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 83
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 7:07:06 AM
I'm think everyone is a little bit off as they get older.
Expectations become less (or more if you're a narcissist )
Bullshit meters are on hair triggers.

I have no patience anymore. If something starts sliding off the rails
(whether it's a conversation or relationship) I'm more than likely to
let it go without waiting around for the crash.

Maybe some people look forward with anticipation to starting
something new...the excitement of learning what you really like about
something or someone. But then reality sets in and you realize everyone is just
paddling along trying to keep themselves afloat as best they can.

I prefer to put my flaky right out there, so it isn't an issue later.
Sometimes being yourself without compromise is hard work.

I like reading Henry's posts.
He seems more adventurous than most of us, but ladies can be weirdos.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 84
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 7:24:11 AM
^^^ Boo is back!
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 85
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 7:55:57 AM

I find that attractive people can afford to be flaky


For me, the more attractive the woman is, the greater satisfaction I get out of putting her in her place.

Just this last week, I had a woman I recently met shit test the hell out of me. The night I met her, she gave me her number instead of the usual asking if I'm on Facebook. I texted her 2 days later and asked what she was doing the upcoming weekend. She told me she was going to see a local band that was playing fairly close to my house, and suggested I join her. I told her I would and wrapped the conversation up.

The next day, I didn't contact her at all, and a little after 9:00 PM she sent a text that said "wow, busy guy". I didn't see it at the time, then about 2 hours later, she sent another that said "very disappointing, please don't text me again....thanks."

I have no doubt she was expecting an "I'm so sorry, princess, please forgive me" text in response, but that's not what she got.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 86
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 8:02:38 AM
Hey Mr. Cooldog!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 87
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 9:31:48 AM
First, a quick explanation and update on the phone. It wasn’t a dead battery. When the battery runs down, you get a warning. Matter of fact, you get a bunch of them, beeps, messages on the screen “battery level down to 5%” or similar. And I never received any warning, my phone just turned into a brick. Nothing on the screen, no response. I plugged it in, it did not get better.

A few google searches, and I found “recovery mode”. You simultaneously hold down the “volume down” and the power button. And wait, for what seems like forever, but is actually about 30 seconds. Then finally a screen pops up and you have the option to enter “recovery mode”. And now my phone is working again, but I’m not at all sure I want to trust it anymore. It is a Nexus 6, about 3 years old, or a little more.


NewYorker58
She's into you, Henry! She's priming you with sex talk

I’m really unsure about that. I was very surprised when her name showed up on caller id, and I almost didn’t answer. I was halfway expecting recriminations about why I never followed up. But in reality, she was seeking advice about her date from the night before. Which was going “really well” until the guy revealed that he had met with a different woman the night before, and she got upset because she was assuming that he was only pursuing her. I mean, seriously, on Friday night he hadn’t even MET her yet, only talked on the phone, and she was assuming exclusivity because they had a date set for Saturday night.

So what she wanted was someone to tell her that she was right and he was wrong, which I did not do. Rather the opposite. Being an intelligent educated person, she was open to reason, and I think I changed her mind, convinced her that her expectations were unreasonable. (Obviously not a Trump supporter.)


gtomustang
I put my foot on the brake pedal to shift the automatic into First and....the pedal sinks right to the floor. no brakes.

That thing should have a dual master cylinder, right? I don’t remember just what year they went to duals, but as I recall it was well before the year of your 4-4-2, which is a 1969? So it wasn’t just a leak, or one bad wheel cylinder?

gtomustang
I can look at the drama queen I can attract, and go, "nope, not worth the cost of the nonsense."

Maybe you should get your T levels checked. Because most men do think it’s worth the cost. YMMV

browneyesboo
I prefer to put my flaky right out there, so it isn't an issue later.
Sometimes being yourself without compromise is hard work.

I like reading Henry's posts.
He seems more adventurous than most of us, but ladies can be weirdos.

Boo, welcome back, it’s very nice to see you again! There aren’t nearly enough “voices of reason” here, you were missed.

And thank you for the kind words. Yes, I like to think of myself as adventurous. To paraphrase something you said right here in these forums, “Life is short and getting shorter. Go take a chance and have some fun, right now!”
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 88
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Posted: 1/22/2018 11:02:53 AM
Henry, it's not odd for a person to think a guy wasn't on a date with someone else the night before. It's not uncommon to think a guy contacts you and that you are his focus until its seen that its not a match. Would I think that way, no, but it's not an unreasonable thought. It makes it seem like there's a competition, because why not date one person at a time?

I definitely think she's interested, especially after feeling put off by her date. She may want to further check out the guy, but sure sounds like she's lining you up and getting a sense of who you are by how you respond to what she's telling you.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 89
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 1:59:35 PM

But in reality, she was seeking advice about her date from the night before. Which was going “really well” until the guy revealed that he had met with a different woman the night before, and she got upset because she was assuming that he was only pursuing her. I mean, seriously, on Friday night he hadn’t even MET her yet, only talked on the phone, and she was assuming exclusivity because they had a date set for Saturday night.

So what she wanted was someone to tell her that she was right and he was wrong, which I did not do. Rather the opposite. Being an intelligent educated person, she was open to reason, and I think I changed her mind, convinced her that her expectations were unreasonable.


It wasn't unreasonable for her to expect the guy to have a little more class than what he displayed to her. He committed a major social faux pas by revealing to her that he had a date with another woman the night before.

Even though it was perfectly reasonable for him to have another date with someone else the night before, he should have kept that tidbit to himself.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 90
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Posted: 1/22/2018 2:13:54 PM
^^^^
He could have been bragging
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 91
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Posted: 1/22/2018 2:32:49 PM

halcyon_skies
It wasn't unreasonable for her to expect the guy to have a little more class than what he displayed to her. He committed a social faux pas by revealing to her that he had a date with another woman the night before.

Even though it was perfectly reasonable for him to have another date with someone else night before, he should have kept that tidbit to himself.

I agree 100%. And I did make that point during the phone conversation, as well.

The worst case I ever encountered, and I think I’ve told this story before, but what the hell, it’s boring around here, so I’ll tell it again.

I had exchanged messages with a woman through some site (Ok*Cupid, Tinder, somewhere), and we just hadn’t really hit it off. So conversation had dwindled away, and we had never met. But while we were messaging, I mentioned Meetup, and the Meetup group I most often hang out with. So this woman had joined that Meetup group, online, but had not yet attended any events. And she reaches out to me, asking if I will be at a particular Meetup event, live music and dancing, and “introduce her around and help her integrate”.

I replied sure, I would be happy to help her out. And she asks if I will meet her first and walk in with her. Some people can get really uptight and hesitant about social outings, so I told her to meet me down the street at a Tex-Mex restaurant for dinner, dutch. Which we did, and we actually started to hit it off over dinner, more than I had expected. And the evening of dancing goes well, I introduce her around, she has a great time, everything is peachy. Toward the end of the evening she points out a man there with a date, not a part of the Meetup. And she makes a slightly catty remark about the woman’s dress, which was a little short. I replied that the dress was a little short, given the woman’s age, but she had good legs, so who cares?

She then tells me that she was out with this guy earlier that same week. And “it was the best date I ever had. He did everything right, it was perfect.” So I’m looking back and forth, comparing woman no.1, whom I’m introducing around, and woman no. 2, in the short skirt with the good legs. And yes, no 2 is sexier, more appealing, so it’s no surprise why the guy is with no. 2. Of course, I don’t say any of this, I just shrug, and tell no. 1 to get over it and don’t let it interfere with the good time that she is having.

End of the evening, I walk her to her car, we engage in some pleasant osculation, and I’m about to ask her out when she blurts out, “He texted me!” Who, what? The guy she was out with earlier in the week, the “perfect date”, who was there with the sexier woman, no. 2, he had spotted her, texted her, and asked her out for the following night. And she was so excited that she just had to share that with me. Immediately after engaging in some very nice kissing.

I looked at her, took in and absorbed what she had just told me, shook my head and walked away.

So the moral of this story, boys and girls – while it is acceptable to date more than one person, at least initially, you should damn well keep your cotton-picking mouth shut about it.

And, oh yeah, an update on the sexy phone call from last night, the one that was so abruptly terminated by the dead phone. The woman just texted me, a few minutes ago, with a message so long it split into 5 chunks. Basically saying,


Please disregard anything I said last night. I’m not really like that. I can’t imagine what got into me.


vvv To gtomustang, below:

gtomustang
But to answer your question, Henry, if you saw the drama queens who find a guy like me hot...you too wouldn't be interested. In other words... they are not very attractive. Well, one was, but I found out later she had an STD. sometimes those high standards work well :)

That would depend on just how hot she was. You got any pictures? (smile) And of course, the exact nature of the STD.

 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 92
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 2:40:17 PM
"I'm think everyone is a little bit off as they get older."

>>>maybe we get weirder as we get older, but I suspect that...when we are younger, and understand ourselves less, we are more desperate for acceptance as a result. We want the attention of everyone in the room (well, everyone we notice, not the people who disappear into the wallpaper).

"Bullshit meters are on hair triggers."

>>>probably b/c we own more material things, so we're more defensive of losing them. And of course, we've seen more bullshit by our age, so we know its out there in the world.

"Maybe some people look forward with anticipation to starting something new...the excitement of learning what you really like about something or someone. But then reality sets in and you realize everyone is just paddling along trying to keep themselves afloat as best they can."
"I like reading Henry's posts, he seems more adventurous than most, but ladies can be weirdos"
"I have no doubt she was expecting an "I'm so sorry, princess, please forgive me" text in response, but that's not what she got."
"Maybe you should get your T levels checked. Because most men do think it’s worth the cost. YMMV"

>>>Seems like there's a lot of mileage vary :) But to answer your question, Henry, if you saw the drama queens who find a guy like me hot...you too wouldn't be interested. In other words... they are not very attractive. Well, one was, but I found out later she had an STD. sometimes those high standards work well :) I should also say, I do have a photo of her (but no scanner to download, sorry), but I mentioned her before, she hid her STD from her live-in bf of the last decade.

I too figured the woman called from out of the blue b/c she was looking for something she couldn't get elsewhere, and was pulling a shit test on you, trying for jealousy. But maybe you are in the friend zone. where I used to work, young girls would ask me about some guy they met at a party, claiming he loved them. they didn't like my answer, but they knew it was true and would come back to ask about other guys. But maybe NY58 is correct, this woman realized she could do better than the other guy, by seeing if she could date you, and felt so comfortable in explaining, "this is why i'm coming back". Some people just feel best, when they can share. its how they bond.

or she's just a loon :) but don't give up on her yet, Henry, we're all counting on your adventerousness :)

"Being an intelligent educated person, she was open to reason, and I think I changed her mind, convinced her that her expectations were unreasonable. (Obviously not a Trump supporter.)"

>>>I'll try to avoid politics, but in my state we have a rural, less populated, rust belt corridor that is ignored by the rest of the state. The newspaper was interviewing people who voted for a certain candidate, and spoke to a pub owner who voted that way, b/c the other party wants to raise the minimum wage to $15. What he didn't bother to say, is that most businesses in this corridor ARE minimum wage, and the only way he's going to see people doing as well as he likes, is if businesses like him...pay more. In other words...he's the cause of his concern, and the solution to it, as well. But he thinks someone else should give these people money so they can raise their income and so he can feel good they are approaching middle class levels. talk about twisted logic! so irritating, he wants to blame everyone but him for the ways things are around him. Another interviewee doesn't like a party that supported Occupy Wall Street (a group that wants to drain the swamp) but wants to vote for someone who claims to drain the swamp--huh? I don't think that person even listened to himself.

as for my brakes, you are spot on. I think 1967 was the changeover year for dual master cylinders for safety. Mine are both full of fluid, the brakes are dry, so either i'm not getting a vacuum signal (Doubtful), or more likely, there's a blown seal inside the master cylinder for the pressure to escape into (I'll have to look and see if he's smiling :) ). Looks like its a simple change, I just have to express all air out of the lines by myself, usually a two-person job. Thank goodness for youtube. The last time I did brakes on my own, it was on the motorcycle so I could just reach over and work the brake handle.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 93
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/22/2018 9:08:47 PM

It's not uncommon to think a guy contacts you and that you are his focus until its seen that its not a match.


This sounds an awful lot like wanting a commitment of some sort before actually meeting, and that's just absurd. Never assume someone you might be interested in has no one else interested in them.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 94
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Posted: 1/22/2018 10:45:30 PM
Some people date one person at a time. I wouldn't even consider a date to not be seeing other people, except I do list LTR, so I would hope a person ceases and desists dating others shortly into the relationship if they list the same.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 95
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/24/2018 1:41:58 AM

With your wacko beliefs and fears, I will be surprised if you ever date again.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 96
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Posted: 1/24/2018 3:21:11 AM
If I had a penis, everything would sound okay to you. Don't underestimate the little man in the boat. If you've ever seen any of my pics on pof, you would see I'm adventurous and fearless. My pics don't nearly tell the whole story. I'm certainly not fearful of men. I'm a talk softly, carry a big stick, chick. Got to watch out for the quiet ones.
 BlackLady1953
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 97
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Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/24/2018 3:42:38 AM
Dated a quiet one once and he was crazy. Quiet, polite, "gentlemanly" to all outward appearances, and "gaslighting" me in private. Did crazy things like hack into my computer and sent porn to everyone on my email list. Took meat out of my freezer and "hid" it in the apartment, and I had a hell of a time trying to find out where the horrible stench was coming from. Accused me of changing clothes in the middle of the day because at lunchtime I was out having sex with other men -- but get this....we worked in the same complex -- I had a parking space -- he didn't. So I let him use mine, and we drove to work together -- but he swore he saw my car in the area. One night, my "inside kitty cat" was downstairs (I lived in a 2nd floor apartment), crying to get inside -- after I arrived home from an evening out with my daughter. He said the cat jumped off the 2nd floor balcony -- the cat who would not even go out on the balcony unless she was in her carrier. I think his family (who lived on the other side of the state) knew he was crazy, too, because in 20 years (at that time), they had never been to his house because they said it was "too far" to drive. Yet they literally drove past our city on their way to visit other family in New York and South Carolina.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 98
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Posted: 1/24/2018 8:49:54 AM
Wow, Blacklady, I'm glad you got out of that relationship in one piece and with your cat unharmed!
 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 99
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Posted: 1/24/2018 9:02:29 AM

If I had a penis


I don't know about a penis but lady
you have balls.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 100
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Posted: 1/24/2018 9:19:01 AM
I have to say I'm sitting here patiently waiting for Newyorker to show us a picture from the other side of that sign so we can see if she is appropriately dressed.
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