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 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 101
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)Page 5 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
[I predict (and trust me I know things) that the new doggo coming into your life is just what you need. She'll be licking your face, wagging her tail, just so excited to be with you, you'll cry grateful tears that 'the wonder that is a dog' is back in your life. Albeit in another form, but channeling all the doggy goodness that was also in your Bailey~]

Well intelligent lady, I'd say you are right. It will be hard to have another dog around, since there is really only one dog I want in my life, but as a family member told me; there is no bigger way to honor Bailey's life then to give another dog a home. I think he would like this new critter, and he didn't like a lot of dogs. I see a bit of him in her as well, so maybe this is a reincarnated Bailey.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 102
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/19/2018 12:31:08 PM
^^^So happy to hear about you and Daisy!
Pics please~

;-)

(maybe you can name her 'Daisy Bailey' and call her DaisyB!
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 103
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/19/2018 3:04:58 PM

There's a new set of paws walking around here at the moment. As I said, Daisy is the new boss around here.

That is what I wanted to be reading in this post. Hopefully it eases some of your loneliness since I believe you've been spending to much time alone. Crap I wish I had known there was a trial period otherwise I would have been recommending it every post. Naturally in those two weeks you'll be able to answer your own question. Is it to soon? I'm thinking since she's sleeping on your bed it isn't.


If he talked to anyone, it would probably be my mom.

Did you and your brother confide in each other much growing up? Of course you're probably right though one reason may be embarrassment. Would you want to confide with another man that your marriage is a disaster especially someone as close as you? Depending on how much he might share you're mother, she might want to talk with you. Of course this is speculation on my part. As for you're degree he may not even realize you could be helpful. Sharing the studies with him would be over his head but they are about human behavior which I'm sure you could explain if it comes to that.

As for his wife you've chosen the best course for yourself based on your impressions of her. As for your niece when it gets nice take her outside and see if you're followed.

Do you think your depression has subsided some?

Your degree and studies should have something about why you keep punishing yourself. Maybe you can find something to help overcome this. There is nothing to be punishing yourself for. In these two months there is nothing you could have done to change anything so you shouldn't be finding fault in yourself. Depression and grief could be blocking you from dealing with this. As for the tiers and such, hopefully they start to subside. Being Bailey was your constant companion for so long it may take quite some time.

I'm glad you got Daisy I'm sure she will help keep your mind off other things.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 104
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/20/2018 1:08:00 PM
Yesterday was not a good day for me. Yes, it was Daisy's first full day here, but it was also two months since the worst day of my life(to this point). I spent a lot of time feeling sad yesterday. For some reason I saw Bailey, or remembered something he did, at any point/looking at anything. For instance, I am thinking Daisy has picked her #1, and it's not me. I reasoned with myself that this was ok, because many years ago when my family met Bailey, we all sat in a circle. He walked around checking everyone out. Wouldn't you know it, but my lap was the only one he sat in. I kept thinking about that all day. So many tiers came out of my eyes one of them got swollen, and burned when it tried to put a cold towel over it. Even with Daisy, she doesn't do things that Bailey already knew how when he first came home. She doesn't give paw yet. I was just eating some pretzels, and she was starting to growl/start to roll her lip back when I was petting her. Bailey never did that. I even wanted to try giving her a Greenie yesterday. I usually clean Petsmart out at Christmas, for Bailey. Amongst many other things, I bought him a large box of Greenies, and some high-end chicken breast jerky. The problem is they may be too big for her. That didn't go over well. All I kept thinking about was who I bought them for, and asking myself how he could leave me now(before he could eat what I got him). She's a good dog for sure, and has taken absolutely no time at all to become attached to me/us, so I could never give her back at the end of the two weeks and be happy with myself. Dare I say that would be heartbreaking for her, and I am not in the business of doing that. I may never be over Bailey. He was just such a large part of my life. I was watching the movie Ted2(the talking bear). When "John" was playing dead in the hospital bed, "Ted" said: "The tricky part is, I don't know how my life works without you". I thought that has Bailey and I written all over it. Going forward, it's not going to be easy. It may get easier, but still won't be easy.

[Did you and your brother confide in each other much growing up? Of course you're probably right though one reason may be embarrassment. Would you want to confide with another man that your marriage is a disaster especially someone as close as you? Depending on how much he might share you're mother, she might want to talk with you. Of course this is speculation on my part. As for you're degree he may not even realize you could be helpful. Sharing the studies with him would be over his head but they are about human behavior which I'm sure you could explain if it comes to that. ]

He and I have never been that close; at least not like some brothers are. He was lucky. He didn't have to deal with the kind of stuff I did growing up. Even now, he doesn't have to deal with the things I have to. Even if he was having problems at home, I would only find out through my mom and be sworn to secrecy. We were supposed to hang out/go to a golf simulator together. That was talked about a lot the weekend Bailey passed. No word of it since then, and I am not saying anything. I do know he does something with her family every weekend. I realize he's married, and I knew I would be replaced by his wife's brother, but it still sucks. As for his wife, I've drawn my conclusions about her. It's up to her to change them for the better, because it honestly doesn't matter to me if she does or not. As I said, she's pregnant again. My brother talked about me possibly being the kid's godfather. At this point, I am thinking I may turn it down.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 105
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/20/2018 1:56:55 PM
Maybe the Dog Daisy is not the best fit for you. Surely she deserves a person who loves her for herself. Maybe you are not ready after all. She might sense your ambivalence towards her---'you're NOT Bailey!' and is keeping her distance.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 106
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/20/2018 4:16:44 PM

It may get easier, but still won't be easy.

Do you think you're still suffering from depression? Once it fades it will become easier because then you'll be dealing with just your grief. Bailey was your whole life and dealing with your grief will be difficult but I'm sure you'll learn to. Remember you will grieve over Bailey for the rest of your life however I don't think you've accepted his passing yet. Do you think you have?


Even with Daisy, she doesn't do things that Bailey already knew how when he first came home.

I mentioned to you in a previous post that you shouldn't compare her to Bailey because they have different personalities.


For instance, I am thinking Daisy has picked her #1, and it's not me.

I have no idea how you could come to this conclusion already. Who could she have possibly picked? If she had a previous owner she would have learned something from them and now she is with you she may be confused that some things have changed. She doesn't give paw and that's one of many things you will have to teach her. Even though she's not a puppy she is no different than a baby, there is some instinct but everything else has to be learned. The easiest example is house training / potty training.

I had to look up Greenies and couldn't you just cut them in half with a steak knife without them shattering to much? If not throw them away and get ones that are her size. As for what happened with the pretzels she may have associated them with something and that's why she acted that way. You'll just have to eat pretzels again and see what happens.

Now I talked about her so much because from what you've written to me at times it seems like you are treating her as an afterthought and she may realise this. I'm sure she can sense something is wrong since you're up and down emotionally and this could be confusing the hell out of her.


My brother talked about me possibly being the kid's godfather. At this point, I am thinking I may turn it down.

Do not say no because this could cause one hell of a rift in family relations which doesn't need to happen. You don't have to do it for them, instead do it for the little one who soon will arrive.

Golf, I hate the game. If slicing and hooking were the goal of the game I'd be a champion. Find out if someone from the gym wants to go. The more you socialise the better.

Damn I wish I had read MsSkeezix post first since she said it so succinctly. "She might sense your ambivalence towards her---'you're NOT Bailey!' and is keeping her distance"

Hope to hear from you again soon.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 107
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/21/2018 11:54:41 AM
.
[Maybe the Dog Daisy is not the best fit for you. Surely she deserves a person who loves her for herself. Maybe you are not ready after all. She might sense your ambivalence towards her---'you're NOT Bailey!' and is keeping her distance.]

While I agree with you, I also disagree. I think I am ready for another dog. I'm reading "A Dog's Purpose"(started before Bailey left). Have you read it/seen the movie? The idea that both try to drive home is that the dog that leaves you is reincarnated at your new dog. Apparently, Daisy made her way up here(Cleveland) from Kentucky. Bailey was homeless too. Within the last day or so, I have started to see a little Bailey in her. She was adopted from Petsmart charities. I can just imagine Bailey jumping up and down screaming "I'm right here stupid, come and get me". She's definetley taken a liking to my bed(where she is right now). We are working on the paw thing. It's slow, but it's coming along. I gave her a piece of that chicken jerky I noted before. She ate it on the floor, just like Bailey used to(holding it between her paws). I don't think she senses anything, because she has become very attached in a very short period of time. Even on the ride home, she laid in my lap. Taking her back after two weeks isn't really an option. Dogs have feelings too, and I could never dump her at the end of the two weeks, and possibly give her the feeling that "nobody wants me". She's a good dog. Bailey was a prince from start to finish. Daisy just needs a little work.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 108
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/21/2018 5:03:35 PM
and she seems to be working on you
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 109
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/21/2018 8:25:46 PM
^^^
and she seems to be working on you

+1
That occurred to me as well. Baby steps<<<

Wishing you and Daisy all the best~
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 110
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/22/2018 1:07:32 PM
[Do you think you're still suffering from depression? Once it fades it will become easier because then you'll be dealing with just your grief. Bailey was your whole life and dealing with your grief will be difficult but I'm sure you'll learn to. Remember you will grieve over Bailey for the rest of your life however I don't think you've accepted his passing yet. Do you think you have?]

I do think I am still dealing with a bit of depression. The strangest things remind me of Bailey, and that fuels the depression. For example: I was making my bed today, and recalled that any time I ever did that Bailey would wait in the hall until I was done. Then he would jump up and take his space. That set me off. Not everything upsets me, but a lot does. Daisy is sure helping, as I am seeing a lot of Bailey in her. No body will ever bed Bailey though. Although I tend to agree with you, it will take me a long time to get over Bailey. As you said; he was my life. As I mentioned in my last post to you, that line from "Ted" said it all: "I don't know how my life works without you:. I don't know how my life without Bailey by my side.

[I have no idea how you could come to this conclusion already. Who could she have possibly picked? If she had a previous owner she would have learned something from them and now she is with you she may be confused that some things have changed. She doesn't give paw and that's one of many things you will have to teach her. Even though she's not a puppy she is no different than a baby, there is some instinct but everything else has to be learned. The easiest example is house training / potty training]

Due to my alcoholic father, he is in rehab for the 12th time. I moved home to make things a little easier on my Mom. I know that doesn't look real good for dating, but I have pretty much given up on that . One of those condos I told you about isn't open yet either. No worries though. Anyway, she is mostly around her. Not that it matters to me, because she still spends a lot of time with me. So, I may be wrong. I do understand it has only been a few days, and me drawing conclusions already might just be another way for me to make myself feel bad. All I know is Bailey chose his #1 on the day we met him, and that's enough for me. It's really strange, but tat is me for you.

As for the treats I bought Bailey, I gave her one or two of them. I tried cutting them up, but you would not understand how difficult they are to cut wit the sharpest knife I could find. When I did give that to her, she laid on the ground and put it between her paws. That's just like Bailey/how he used to do it. That made me feel a little better. At least now I know they will be consumed eventually. Maybe not at the rate Bailey had them, but what we can do. Playing toys is another thing. Bailey was always up to playing when he was younger. I used to throw a toy down the hall, and he'd run after it and jump over me. It was pretty cool. What's strange is Daisy picky up a toy a carries it away. It's actually kind of funny. This might change when it stops snowing/we can play outside, but I don't know. I would hope it does, because that would again remind me of Bailey. Again though, I really can't look for a Bailey 2.0. Every dog does things differently, and I don't know the kind of life she had previously. Does she sense something? I don't know. Maybe she's sees something/feels something. She stays pretty close to me, so maybe she thinks/starting thinking I am pretty cool. As I said, at the end of the two weeks, I don't think I could ever give her back. Dogs have feelings too, and I don
t think it would sit well with me either.
[
MsSkeezix ]

Say what?
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 111
Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/22/2018 1:18:01 PM

MsSkeezix ]

Say what?


What?Baby steps?---just saying these things take time, just like when you make a new human friend---you get to know a person little by little, in 'steps'-----relationships whether its human/human, human/dog, human/cat---don't spring fully realized out of thin air.

Carry on.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 112
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/22/2018 8:29:45 PM

I do think I am still dealing with a bit of depression. The strangest things remind me of Bailey, and that fuels the depression.

I'm guessing it's grief which makes the strangest things remind you of Bailey and then like you say it fuels the depression. As with that quote from Ted2 which resonates with you. Same with songs. Hell I 'm not sure how to describe it because I know the experience but have never articulated it. Your emotions are heightened in such a way that phrases or songs can take on a deeper meaning.

"The tricky part is, I don't know how my life works without you"

If you hadn't been dealing with this do you think you would have noticed how meaningful that phrase was? I didn't until you brought it up. To almost everyone else it's just another line in a movie. Some however would have seen what we both see now.


Anyway, she is mostly around her.

Silly guy, they're both women. What did you expect? LOL

From my point of view I think you've over come most of this situation and everything that's happened in the last two months and will only move forward. I base this not only on the things you've written but on the fact you used to post every 3 - 5 days and now you've posted 4 days in a row. Of course it coincides with Daisy's arrival.

Baby Steps

You have to watch the movie "What about Bob? Bill Murray will show you a hilarious explanation. The movie is based on baby steps.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 113
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/24/2018 11:50:02 AM
Aqua, I feel your pain. I was told my dog's time was running out, fast by her x-rays. I cried every day for over 2 months believing that, until I brought her to a cardiologist that said the diagnosis was wrong, but she has other issues and had surgery last year. She'll be 16 in May.

I see you adopted another dog. Congratulations! This dog needs you, and I know you'll step up for her. My advice for the longest life possible, do not feed kibble. It's unhealthy and over processed and sometimes deadly with dyes, carcinogens, fillers and too much starch, even with grain-free which can actually have more. Starch ruins their teeth, exacerbates inflammation, creates glucose spikes and can lead to obesity and diabetes. Look into buying and feeding raw. Your dog will thank you. It's sold at better pet food stores.

Keep her trim. Make your own treats or only buy the best. I dehydrate meat to make jerky for my dog. Beware and Do Not buy anything made in China. Check your jerky, much of it is made there. I'll also buy Superior Farms lamb lung, it's hormone and antibiotic free, as are those raw meats. Greenies aren't good, nor would I support a company that was killing dogs, and not removing their product from the market. They were choking dogs and swelling inside them. I think they changed the formula, but the ingredients still suck! Consider not vaccinating Daisy anymore, as new thinking is they have a lifetime immunity from previous shots. Unneeded vaccinations harm dogs. If you have any food questions, feel free to ask me.

Vaccination schedule: https://drjeandoddspethealthresource.tumblr.com/post/147595920886/dodds-vaccination-protocol-dogs-2016

Different forms of feeding a dog: https://healthypets.mercola.com/sites/healthypets/archive/2015/11/08/best-to-worst-pet-food-types.aspx
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 114
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 11:17:21 AM
[What?Baby steps?---just saying these things take time, just like when you make a new human friend---you get to know a person little by little, in 'steps'-----relationships whether its human/human, human/dog, human/cat---don't spring fully realized out of thin air.

Carry on.]

I do agree with this. It's only been one week, and I am still learning about this dog. For example: I stepped over her last week, trying to get something while she was eating. She started to growl, and her teeth grazed my foot. She didn't bite me, but it sure felt like it. I did a little research, and being that she came from a foster home(where there was a few dogs), she probably had to fight for her food. Even in the description of her online, it mentions she is fine with other dogs as long as they don't get too close to her food bowl. She also has a tendency to hide food around the house. Apparently this is because she wants to make sure she has enough for later. It's all likely because she had to fight for her food at the foster home. She even takes some food out of her bowl and puts it on the kitchen floor. It's very strange. Bailey didn't do any of these things. He was a prince(lived like a King) from start to finish. Although I do recall I had a problem with Bailey in the very beginning. H had his mouth open a lot, which I thought indicated he wanted to bite me, when he was only breathing. I don't know how long it lasted. What happens with Daisy and I, I don't know. I could never live with myself if next Sunday(ironically, Easter and the day after Bailey's would-be 15th birthday) I said that it wasn't working out, and gave her back. She's already given me indications that she is happy here. Dogs have feelings too, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. She seems to like it here, and I want to give her a chance/not expect our relationship to be as close as Bailey and I were in just a week.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 115
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:05:04 PM
[I'm guessing it's grief which makes the strangest things remind you of Bailey and then like you say it fuels the depression. As with that quote from Ted2 which resonates with you. Same with songs. Hell I 'm not sure how to describe it because I know the experience but have never articulated it. Your emotions are heightened in such a way that phrases or songs can take on a deeper meaning. ]

I'd say that you are right. I am definetley still grieving Bailey's passing. How can I not? It's barely over two months, when it would be 15 years this Saturday. It seems like I just keep adding to the things that are making me sad/adding to my misery about all this. Bailey and I always loved taking "Titanic Naps". Whenever I was dead tired, we'd jump on my bed, crack up my electric blanket, throw in my Titanic Blu Ray, and be out by the time the ship departs. We usually woke up together just after the ship hits the iceberg. We'd be good to go after that, and would usually go out and get something to eat. I was really tired this past weekend, so I took my own Titanic nap. When I woke up, I ended up watching the whole movie. I never listened to the song in the credits, but for some reason I did this time. As you can guess, I related that to the situation/loss of Bailey. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then. I wish I could. Even walking Daisy this weekend, whatever she did on the walk was usually followed by the thought of "Bailey used to/never did that". I'm really trying to stop this, but it's much harder than I thought. I can't expect her to be Bailey 2.0, but can't help but hold her to his standards.

[ Silly guy, they're both women. What did you expect? LOL

From my point of view I think you've over come most of this situation and everything that's happened in the last two months and will only move forward. I base this not only on the things you've written but on the fact you used to post every 3 - 5 days and now you've posted 4 days in a row. Of course it coincides with Daisy's arrival.

Baby Steps

You have to watch the movie "What about Bob? Bill Murray will show you a hilarious explanation. The movie is based on baby steps]

Yeah, the gender thing dawned on me too. Shame on me for not realizing this sooner. Like I said, I have written it off as "okay", because I was #1 for the #1. It still bugs me though. I have seen "What About Bob" many times. I used the "Don't hassle me, I'm local" phrase often for a laugh when needed. I do agree that things will take time, but the question is how long it will take. I am just so used to Bailey being around/the relationship we had, I don't know anything else. All of this is new to me, if you want to call it that. As you said, it will take baby steps; baby stepping down the street, baby stepping playing toys, baby stepping to the park, etc.

This week will no doubt be difficult for me. I mentioned Saturday would have been his 15th birthday. We would have gone for ice cream at his favorite place(get him his own), probably had Texas Roadhouse for dinner(his favorite steakhouse), etc. Although my mom and I are planning on going to dinner on Saturday to celebrate his life, and I will be taking Daisy tot he park(his favorite place to walk) for the first time in his honor, it won't be easy. Thinking about it now, just standing at the start of the trail will be incredibly difficult. What happens if at the end of the first mile, she doesn't cement herself on the ground and refuse to go home like Bailey would(until you turned around and did the whole thing again)? What happens if she does it? How do I walk past the condos I always promised Bailey we would live in? That's the one promise I was never able to keep to him.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 116
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:05:13 PM
[I'm guessing it's grief which makes the strangest things remind you of Bailey and then like you say it fuels the depression. As with that quote from Ted2 which resonates with you. Same with songs. Hell I 'm not sure how to describe it because I know the experience but have never articulated it. Your emotions are heightened in such a way that phrases or songs can take on a deeper meaning. ]

I'd say that you are right. I am definetley still grieving Bailey's passing. How can I not? It's barely over two months, when it would be 15 years this Saturday. It seems like I just keep adding to the things that are making me sad/adding to my misery about all this. Bailey and I always loved taking "Titanic Naps". Whenever I was dead tired, we'd jump on my bed, crack up my electric blanket, throw in my Titanic Blu Ray, and be out by the time the ship departs. We usually woke up together just after the ship hits the iceberg. We'd be good to go after that, and would usually go out and get something to eat. I was really tired this past weekend, so I took my own Titanic nap. When I woke up, I ended up watching the whole movie. I never listened to the song in the credits, but for some reason I did this time. As you can guess, I related that to the situation/loss of Bailey. I haven't been able to get it out of my head since then. I wish I could. Even walking Daisy this weekend, whatever she did on the walk was usually followed by the thought of "Bailey used to/never did that". I'm really trying to stop this, but it's much harder than I thought. I can't expect her to be Bailey 2.0, but can't help but hold her to his standards.

[ Silly guy, they're both women. What did you expect? LOL

From my point of view I think you've over come most of this situation and everything that's happened in the last two months and will only move forward. I base this not only on the things you've written but on the fact you used to post every 3 - 5 days and now you've posted 4 days in a row. Of course it coincides with Daisy's arrival.

Baby Steps

You have to watch the movie "What about Bob? Bill Murray will show you a hilarious explanation. The movie is based on baby steps]

Yeah, the gender thing dawned on me too. Shame on me for not realizing this sooner. Like I said, I have written it off as "okay", because I was #1 for the #1. It still bugs me though. I have seen "What About Bob" many times. I used the "Don't hassle me, I'm local" phrase often for a laugh when needed. I do agree that things will take time, but the question is how long it will take. I am just so used to Bailey being around/the relationship we had, I don't know anything else. All of this is new to me, if you want to call it that. As you said, it will take baby steps; baby stepping down the street, baby stepping playing toys, baby stepping to the park, etc.

This week will no doubt be difficult for me. I mentioned Saturday would have been his 15th birthday. We would have gone for ice cream at his favorite place(get him his own), probably had Texas Roadhouse for dinner(his favorite steakhouse), etc. Although my mom and I are planning on going to dinner on Saturday to celebrate his life, and I will be taking Daisy tot he park(his favorite place to walk) for the first time in his honor, it won't be easy. Thinking about it now, just standing at the start of the trail will be incredibly difficult. What happens if at the end of the first mile, she doesn't cement herself on the ground and refuse to go home like Bailey would(until you turned around and did the whole thing again)? What happens if she does it? How do I walk past the condos I always promised Bailey we would live in? That's the one promise I was never able to keep to him.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 117
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:26:14 PM
[Aqua, I feel your pain. I was told my dog's time was running out, fast by her x-rays. I cried every day for over 2 months believing that, until I brought her to a cardiologist that said the diagnosis was wrong, but she has other issues and had surgery last year. She'll be 16 in May].

First, I am sorry you had to deal with those two months. Thank God you took her to see someone else, who told you the real story. Although she apparently has other things going on, that had to be a relief. She's going to be 16? I'd give up all I own, and any potential future I might have for one more day with Bailey. If I had another year, kill me in return. You are incredibly lucky. I hope you know that. Take good care of that creature. They give us so much, and don't expect much in return.

[I see you adopted another dog. Congratulations! This dog needs you, and I know you'll step up for her. My advice for the longest life possible, do not feed kibble. It's unhealthy and over processed and sometimes deadly with dyes, carcinogens, fillers and too much starch, even with grain-free which can actually have more. Starch ruins their teeth, exacerbates inflammation, creates glucose spikes and can lead to obesity and diabetes. Look into buying and feeding raw. Your dog will thank you. It's sold at better pet food stores. ]

Although Daisy isn't officially adopted yet, she will be very soon. I can't see giving her back after the two weeks. It will be two weeks exactly this Sunday, which just happens to be Easter, and the day after Bailey's would-be 15th birthday. Maybe that means Bailey will be born again. I'm sure that sounds ridiculously religious, but I'm catholic so what do you expect. It's an interesting way of thinking about it though. As for what she eats, Proplan is what we were told she likes. Bailey ate Iams. What do you know about those. I don't know too much about kibble, but are any of those I mentioned kibble in disguise?

I agree about the treats/foods made in China. Once I got Bailey a bag of "Milo's Kitchen" chicken jerky. This was slightly before the craze about treats made in China being bad for dogs. I never got it for him again, and that was many years ago(before he passed), so I ca't say it contributed to his passing. I will say that he loved human food. He loved chicken and steak, and pretty much everything else. He had an iron stomach. Although he didn't eat everything he wanted, and didn't like everything human, he sure liked his share of things. As of right now, Daisy isn't having much human at all. She is considerably smaller than Bailey(which I am still getting used to), so she probably doesn't have the stomach he has. I realize I probably gave Bailey too much, and I am extremely disappointed in myself I knowing I may have contributed to his passing(increased nutrients=growth of tumor). I knew this, so why didn't I realize I was killing my best friend. He was just doing so well, I forgot about it. I will definetley be careful with Daisy(Daisy Pedals), but the thing about increased nutrients causing the tumor to grow faster is something that I will always be upset with myself about. Did the fact that I used to give him a little boost to get on my bed, cause part of the tumor to break off and lead to his death. I will never know, but still feel guilty about.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 118
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:06:32 PM
Aqua, I feel so lucky and so blessed to still have her every day. I'm Catholic also, and prayed to God and St. Francis of Assisi for her to make it thru surgery. Her surgery and additional costs were $7,000.00. It was $1,700+ just for her MRI prior to surgery. I would gladly cut my life short to have more time with her, but I will say one thing that I hope may console you a tiny bit, and that is I do not want to die before my dog, so I'll accept the grief by her going first. I would not want to pass on and leave her upset, confused and devastated, even though I do have my sister lined up to come get her and care for her should I suddenly pass on.

Most everyone feels some amount of guilt when their dog passes on. Always thinking, what if I did this or that differently. You didn't cause his death in anyway. When people find tumors, they may try surgery, but most don't want to put their dog thru chemo. You didn't make the tumor grow with more food or treats, but some kibble can increase the chance of cancer, because of what's in it, and the cooking at high temps can make meat carcinogenic, just like with us.

Guess what? Milo is having a recall this month. There's excessive thyroid in the treats. Evangers just had a recall for having phenobarbitol in their food. How did that get there? From using euthanized animals in their food! That's why I recommend raw, though it's pricey. I'll do another post to address better kibble if you wish to stay with that.

About the growling, yeah, it may be resource guarding, but not really a problem as long as no one bothers her while she's eating. Could also be she was warning you not to step on her, but taking food outside the dish does sound like she had to get aggressive to eat from where she was living. She will probably stop doing that in time.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 119
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:39:40 PM
People say "human food" like it's a bad thing, it isn't. Any fresh meat you add to a diet is a positive benefit. Dogs are designed to eat meat, really with it being raw, as their teeth are meant for tearing, and their short digestive tract and acidity keeps it from being harmed by salmonella. I've been feeding raw for almost 16 years. If you do add cooked meat, remove extra fat, like chicken skin or excess fat. Cooked fat can cause pancreatitis, which is why so many dogs get that during holidays by being fed turkey skin, instead of people discarding it, they treat their dog like a garbage disposal.

Okay on to Pro Plan. No bueno, it's horrific food. It's mostly grain, and dogs are faculative carnivores. Dogs have no need for grain in their diet, and it's just cheap filler and not good for them. That food has more wrong with it, like having menadione in it. Iams isn't good either, but I won't get into that unless you really want me to.

Ingredients in Pro Plan (Purina makes terrible food): Ingredients: Chicken, brewers rice, whole grain wheat, corn gluten meal, whole grain corn, poultry by-product meal (natural source of glucosamine), animal fat preserved with mixed-tocopherols (form of vitamin E), barley, corn germ meal, fish meal (natural source of glucosamine), animal digest, fish oil, wheat bran, dried egg product, calcium phosphate, salt, potassium chloride, potassium citrate, vitamin E supplement, choline chloride, l-lysine monohydrochloride, zinc sulfate, ferrous sulfate, l-ascorbyl-2-polyphosphate (source of vitamin C), manganese sulfate, niacin, vitamin A supplement, calcium carbonate, copper sulfate, calcium pantothenate, garlic oil, pyridoxine hydrochloride, vitamin B12 supplement, thiamine mononitrate, riboflavin supplement, calcium iodate, vitamin D3 supplement, menadione sodium bisulfite complex (source of vitamin K activity), folic acid, biotin, sodium selenite
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 120
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:54:58 PM
On to kibble suggestions. Kibble is hard food, like Iams, Pro Plan, etc.

A decent one would be Nature's Variety Instinct. To introduce (transition to) new food, mix a little old food with the new food over 10 days. You can do it quicker if you are seeing good firm poops. Food switching can make them soft. You can join NV email list, then it generates a coupon for their food. You can keep doing this, just use a different e-mail addy each time you sign up. NV Instinct is grain-free, but none are starch free, because they replace grain that's starchy with starchy veggies, but Pro Plan is 49% carbs, and NV Instinct is 29%.

Ingredients in NV Instinct: Ingredients: Duck, turkey meal, chicken meal, peas, chicken eggs, canola oil (preserved with mixed tocopherols and citric acid), duck meal, tapioca, dried tomato pomace, natural flavor, chickpeas, montmorillonite clay, salt, potassium chloride, vitamins (vitamin E supplement, niacin supplement, l-ascorbyl-2-polyphosphate, thiamine mononitrate, d-calcium pantothenate, vitamin A supplement, riboflavin supplement, pyridoxine hydrochloride, vitamin B12 supplement, folic acid, vitamin D3 supplement, biotin), carrots, apples, cranberries, minerals (zinc proteinate, iron proteinate, copper proteinate, manganese proteinate, sodium selenite, ethylenediamine dihydriodide), choline chloride, freeze dried duck (including freeze dried ground duck bone), pumpkinseeds, dried Bacillus coagulans fermentation product, rosemary extract

If you find she's okay with NV Instinct, you can probably order it for less online thru Chewy. Choose auto-delivery to pay less. You can cancel that at anytime, even right after ordering it, and still get the discount: https://www.chewy.com
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 121
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 4:37:48 PM
My sister's dog never eats from her bowl. She puts it on the floor and then eats it. Maybe that foster home was just that maybe without affection. And she may need time to trust you. I agree with you she may have had to fight for her food. Have you left her home alone yet? If not do it and see what happens. See if she goes kind of nuts when alone. You don't want a dog that tears up the place when left alone. I'll finally suggest you begin treating Daisy like a #1, she'll never know she's actually #2.

As I said in a previous post I'll never know grief though I can understand it. I believe you'll grieve over Bailey for the rest of your life after all he was your #1 and ever so special to you. Again I'll repeat myself, I'm not so sure you've accepted Bailey's passing and only you will know when that happens. Because of this sad thoughts pop into your head so easily but of course you can't help it since you quit often go places you went with him. Additionally I'm thinking you're comparing him while you learn about her cause she's does things differently. Again probably unavoidable.

{quote]I never listened to the song in the credits, but for some reason I did this time. As you can guess, I related that to the situation/loss of Bailey.
Weird isn't it how phrases in songs and movies become so meaningful when your sad. Happens a lot to me when depression starts kicking my ass.

I'm sure Saturday will be brutal for you and I suggest you post Sunday so as to relive the pressure you may feel. It may help to write about it.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 122
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/26/2018 4:38:38 PM
Damn you two know more about dogs than I do about sex. Not that i remember what it's like.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 123
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/28/2018 12:36:05 PM
[Aqua, I feel so lucky and so blessed to still have her every day. I'm Catholic also, and prayed to God and St. Francis of Assisi for her to make it thru surgery. Her surgery and additional costs were $7,000.00. It was $1,700+ just for her MRI prior to surgery. I would gladly cut my life short to have more time with her, but I will say one thing that I hope may console you a tiny bit, and that is I do not want to die before my dog, so I'll accept the grief by her going first. I would not want to pass on and leave her upset, confused and devastated, even though I do have my sister lined up to come get her and care for her should I suddenly pass on. ]

Damn, that is not cheap. However, neither was Bailey's care. I'm not sure of the exact numbers anymore, but his surgery wasn't cheap. It wasn't ridiculously expensive, to the point that I wouldn't do it fir that reason, but it wasn't cheap. Where did your dog go for care? Here in Cleveland, most of the human hospitals are know worldwide for the care they give. Bailey went to the Metropolitan Veterinary Hospital, which happens to be the Cleveland Clinic for animals. It's the real deal. They have all kinds of specialists there/it's not your regular animal hospital you might see on the corner of a main street in the city you might live in. What's funny is that he would always do the same thing when he walked in. He's get himself weighed as required, walk around the place one time, and head right for the door. It was the funnies thing. Personally, I didn't like taking him there for obvious reasons. However, the staff there gave me over two plus years with Bailey, since we were told he had 6 months-one year when initially diagnosed in 2015. I didn't like taking him, but knew he was in the right place. He liked his doctor and her staff too. As I mentioned, he had it removed in January of 2016. He actually had it removed the day we went for the initial appointment, and came home the next day. We/he was lucky the cancer was localized, and didn't spread to his lymph nodes. Otherwise, he never would have come home the next day. What's funny is that we were told he probably wouldn't be hungry for at least one day, upon getting home. Two hours after getting home, he's helping himself to my Chinese food. He'd draw blood for honey chicken and wanton soup. He slammed chemo too; took it like a champ. He would always lay around after we brought him home, but he would be ready to go by the early evening. I always made sure I got Chinese for dinner after every chemo appointment. Bailey kind of expected it. I agree that some owners don't put their dogs through all of that, but I couldn't live with myself if I let Bailey die a slow and painful death. He only really showed significant changes the week he passed. Shame on me for having him dead and gone the day he was first diagnosed, but that's how I am.

Thank you for the tips about all the food. I was actually having a conversation about it the morning with a family member, and let them know ProPlan isn't the best for her. Although it took Bailey 12 years to develop real issues(he never had anything wrong with him until that point), Daisy might not be made the same way Bailey was. I did mention Nature's Valley, and we are looking into it. What do you know about "Blue". I saw a commercial for it a while back, and it looked like healthy stuff. Do you know anything about that?

As for the growling about her food, I have made a few changes lately. I had one of Bailey's old pillow's in the kitchen before. She often laid there, because it was near her food. The last time she snapped at me, she was on the pillow. I took the pillow out. I also read online that feeding her by hand might be a good idea, so I have started to do that. It takes a long time for sure, but it seems to be working. She's learning how to give paw too, which is nice. Although I would give her back, because she seems to like me, and has a routine around here now/marked her territory, it's nice things are really changing.

As for not wanting to pass before your dog, I guess I agree somewhat. Life was really tough for me a few years back(is not, but not as bad). I was going to do something I shouldn't have, but the thought of him made me stop. I was in the hospital a while back, and they gave me the option of filling out a DNR. I told them that although I don't know how my family would react, my dog would be pretty upset if I didn't come home. The opposite of that being you/me being there when our dogs finally make it to the bridge. We could finally be together forever. It reminds me of a poem his oncologist included in a card she sent. It mentions just that: dogs are playing in a grassy field up above, when suddenly they look back and see you for the first time.. They run and jump into your arms, and you can be together forever. I even heard something my mom said a while back. Apparently someone she knows said heaven for her would only be being with their dog(s) again.
 aquaandorange14
Joined: 1/31/2017
Msg: 124
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/28/2018 1:05:56 PM
[My sister's dog never eats from her bowl. She puts it on the floor and then eats it. Maybe that foster home was just that maybe without affection. And she may need time to trust you. I agree with you she may have had to fight for her food. Have you left her home alone yet? If not do it and see what happens. See if she goes kind of nuts when alone. You don't want a dog that tears up the place when left alone. I'll finally suggest you begin treating Daisy like a #1, she'll never know she's actually #2.]

Well, I have made some changes in the last few days to curb this whole food aggression thing. Bailey had several large pillows he used as beds. I had one of his pillows in the kitchen, right by her bowl. She would often lay on it, maybe to guard her food. I took the pillow out. I am also feeding her by hand now, and not using the bowl for any reason. I read about that online and decided to give it a try. It's a long process for sure, but if it takes off the aggression/she learns to trust me, then it's worth it. I do agree about the lack of affection at the foster home. The day we met her, her foster mom went to get her and didn't interact with her from that point. That might just be how I saw it, but that's what happened. So, it's reasonable to think she wasn't affectionate. The description online mentioned that Daisy gets attached quickly. Maybe that is due to her not having anyone significant in her life. It's hard to tell sometimes. She's definetley attached though.

As for leaving her home, we have done that. We don't even have a cage for her. The first night she was here, she just jumped on one of the beds, and was out before you knew it. Sometimes she tries to get under the sheets, which can be a problem. When we left her alone, nothing really happened. We came home to exactly what we left; nothing out of place, etc. In contrast, my Aunt's dog has serious seperation anxiety issues. She's chewed remote controls up, etc. She's really buts when alone.

[As I said in a previous post I'll never know grief though I can understand it. I believe you'll grieve over Bailey for the rest of your life after all he was your #1 and ever so special to you. Again I'll repeat myself, I'm not so sure you've accepted Bailey's passing and only you will know when that happens. Because of this sad thoughts pop into your head so easily but of course you can't help it since you quit often go places you went with him. Additionally I'm thinking you're comparing him while you learn about her cause she's does things differently. Again probably unavoidable. ]

I agree on all parts. I don't think I will be over Bailey. I've been told a few times that I am not ready for another dog, and that Daisy is maybe not what I am looking for. I don't believe that is true. I think she is exactly what I am looking for. So I may call her Bailey by accident. Most people can understand that. I have also caught myself saying "Bailey didn't/did" or "That's ok, I had him(pointing to a picture of me and Bailey). In the past few days though, we have started to get to know each other a bit better. I think she understands that I am/want to be her friend, and that she shouldn't be afraid of me/aggressive towards me, because there is no reason to be. She doesn't want to play toys with me yet, as opposed to other people. I am working on that. As for Bailey, I don't think I will ever be over him. As you say, he was my #1. My first real pet(have had fish though). My first real friend. I have started to make some progress with her though; she's giving paw pretty well, taking treats a lot easier, etc. She's starting to do some of the things Bailey did, and that comforts me a little bit. I am planning on taking he to the park for the first time on Saturday, because of what day it is. That won't be easy. I can imagine myself just standing at the start of the trail and not being able to move forward, or walking past those condos and starting to cry/apologizing to Bailey for not keeping that one promise. I haven't walked in the park with a dog in a long time, and want to very much. It will be very hard to walk with another dog on the same trail Bailey and I tore up for many years.

I just called her Bailey too, when I told her to stay here when I went to get lunch out of the oven.

Saturday won't be an easy day. As I said, the walk won't be easy. Even going to dinner will be hard. It's going to be rough, and I doubt I will get through it without sobbing.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 125
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Heartbroken(and it's not what you think)
Posted: 3/28/2018 1:18:37 PM
Wow, didn't know you did the chemo. A lot of people don't want to go thru the expense. I brought my dog to a hospital like yours where there are specialists, actually 2 hospitals. One for the great neurosurgeon and another place for the cardiologist and internist. It really is the best thing to do to see specialists. Regular vets are only so savvy, but will still take your money, but don't give the specialized care.

Blue Buffalo is just as high in starch as Pro Plan. Actually, 1% higher than PP. Blue has a ton of filler. It has brown rice that has even more arsenic than white rice. What counts are the beginning ingredients:

Ingredients: Deboned chicken, chicken meal, brown rice, barley, oatmeal, chicken fat (preserved with mixed tocopherols), tomato pomace (source of lycopene), peas, flaxseed (source of omega 3 and 6 fatty acids), natural flavor, potatoes, alfalfa meal, calcium carbonate, salt, potassium chloride, potato starch, dried chicory root, dl-methionine, caramel, mixed tocopherols (a natural preservative), sweet potatoes, carrots, garlic, choline chloride, vitamin E supplement, ferrous sulfate, iron amino acid chelate, zinc amino acid chelate, zinc sulfate, Yucca schidigera extract, oil of rosemary, l-lysine, parsley, kelp, blueberries, cranberries, apples, spinach, blackberries, pomegranate, pumpkin, barley grass, turmeric, l-ascorbyl-2-polyphosphate (source of vitamin C), copper sulfate, copper amino acid chelate, glucosamine hydrochloride, nicotinic acid (vitamin B3), calcium pantothenate (vitamin B5), taurine, biotin (vitamin B7), manganese sulfate, vitamin A supplement, manganese amino acid chelate, l-carnitine, thiamine mononitrate (vitamin B1), riboflavin (vitamin B2), vitamin D3 supplement, vitamin B12 supplement, pyridoxine hydrochloride (vitamin B6), beta carotene, dried yeast, dried Enterococcus faecium fermentation product, dried Lactobacillus acidophilus fermentation product, dried Aspergillus niger fermentation extract, dried Trichoderma longibrachiatum fermentation extract, dried Bacillus subtilis fermentation extract, folic acid (vitamin B9), calcium iodate, sodium selenite

Chinese food is a big negative for dogs, because of the salt and possible onion in it and too much garlic, it's toxic. You probably know, no grapes or raisins either, or chocolate or macadamia nuts. No apple cores, etc. And nothing with xylitol, which is a sweetener, its deadly. The brand I mentioned was Nature's Variety, not Valley; that may be people's health food company☺ There are a lot of articles online about resource guarding and how to stop it.
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