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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone "REALLY"      Home login  
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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 76
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLYPage 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I was talking about pensions. I'm talking about what difference there may be between being a spouse or not with regard to finances, with regard to being together, not divorced, but upon death. I don't know if you can leave a pension to someone that's not a spouse. I know about IRAs, 401ks and taxes and SS.
 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 77
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 6:15:04 AM
^^
I think some pension plans do allow for a beneficiary that is not a spouse. My older son is a beneficiary of part of one of my ex- husband's pension after he passes away. Each plan has it's own specific rules, unless it is a state or federal plan, & in that case it follows those guidelines.
___________________________
Chromis: "Social Security is, and has always been, a federal entitlement program."

I hope that is just SEMANTICS, if we've paid INTO SS ALL OUR LIVES, then collect it at retirement, it is not an "entitlement"- it's reaping what we've sewn :0)
 Chromis1
Joined: 9/9/2015
Msg: 78
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 9:39:37 AM

"entitlement"- it's reaping what we've sewn


One and the same thing. Reap what we've sown; it's an entitlement. I think you're misconstruing the intent of my meaning, giving it the negative connotation adopted by boot-strapping conservatives.

The point is, Social Security was never intended to supplant traditional, defined benefit pension plans. FDR and his congress passed the Social Security Act as a safeguard "against the hazards and vicissitudes of life." It's only been in the last 20-30 years that defined benefit pension plans have gone out the window and, for many, all that's left is Social Security. That was never the original intent.
 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 79
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 10:59:42 AM

I think you're misconstruing the intent of my meaning, giving it the negative connotation adopted by boot-strapping conservatives.

TY, I appreciate your response & clarification. The smile I put at the end of my post was to indicate I was NOT being adversarial. And I certainly do agree w/ your follow up post!

:0)
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 80
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 11:33:01 AM

You know what I mean, doing for someone else and not expecting anything from THEM in return.

Not getting any thing in return from Them doesn't mean you're not getting anything out of it in return. Gratitude. We're social beings. The feeling of recognition/appreciation/gratitude, not even high, is what we want in return. Without that, we don't want to do it. "How 'bout a little gratitude, huh, a-hole? I cook dinner for you 5-6 nights a week, and you act like I'm no different than the pizza delivery boy?"

In the end, I laugh at this never-married = selfish. Selfish? Where does This come from? I could see something else, but where does Selfish come from? You think there's a shortage of Selfish guys who Are married? Or Were married umpteen years ago?

"No Donna, don't worry! Jim was married like 10 years ago. Hence, a great chance he's not a selfish guy!" Don't see it. At all.

You could say those who've never been married are not good looking VS those who have been. Many many decades ago, there would be that correlation. Today, it depends on the environment. You go out to a small town in the midwest of people born & bred there, and guys 40+ never-married -- yeah, he's more likely less on the totem pole in looks. You go out to big cities in southern California -- nope, has nothing to do with looks.

I don't see how getting married = unselfish act. Or how there's some universal 'rule' that one's socially withdrawn (when it can be the Opposite too), or looks very poor, if never married. At least the latter Had some merit. I don't see how Selfishness plays a role, as many people Get married for their own Self Interest, fitting in to do "what's right" communally.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 81
Never married= selfish?
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:37:59 PM

The feeling of recognition/appreciation/gratitude, not even high, is what we want in return. Without that, we don't want to do it. "How 'bout a little gratitude, huh, a-hole? I cook dinner for you 5-6 nights a week, and you act like I'm no different than the pizza delivery boy?"

In the end, I laugh at this never-married = selfish. Selfish? Where does This come from? I could see something else, but where does Selfish come from? You think there's a shortage of Selfish guys who Are married? Or Were married umpteen years ago?

"No Donna, don't worry! Jim was married like 10 years ago. Hence, a great chance he's not a selfish guy!" Don't see it. At all.


I agree.
Not married now >>what's that got to do with being selfish?
Certain people, married or not, think the world revolves around them and their whims. And that the rest of us should accommodate them because well, they are special and the rest of us, well, are not!
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 82
Never married= selfish?
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:40:28 PM
^^^could not edit after msg truncated
meant to read 'not married now or never married'
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 83
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/6/2018 6:17:35 PM
When you're married, you can learn to share of yourself. Of course it doesn't always work that way. I'm applying this to myself too, while being single, life is all about me unless I make an effort to do something for others.

When applied to life in general, you don't always get a thank you, like if you donate clothes or money to a cause.

It can go deeper than being self-centered if the reason for being single is because of misogyny. I'm only weighing in on men, because I have only known unmarried men well enough. Men can weigh in on lifetime bachelorettes if they know any.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 84
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/7/2018 2:08:36 AM
It’s not a given that never being married tends to make one selfish.
However, I’d consider myself to have a selfish streak in this regard but it’s more to do with the amount of time I’ve spent single/not in a relationship.
I’m quite giving of myself with work/family/social, but when it comes to my downtime, I can find compromise laborious.


On a personal note, my ma always wanted to see me married & happy (old school, those things go together apparently). It almost happened once but it didn’t feel quite right for me. I wouldn’t consider it now my ma has died.

I guess some people as they get older have it on their bucket list, along with walking the wall of China and travelling cross country on a moped (egs)
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 85
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/7/2018 10:23:20 PM
Roxy, no, it doesn't mean a person is selfish, but being single trends to make life solely about one's self.

Your mum probably wanted to know that someone will be there for you.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 86
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/7/2018 10:50:39 PM

Roxy, no, it doesn't mean a person is selfish, but being single trends to make life solely about one's self.

Your mum probably wanted to know that someone will be there for you.


Flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop, flip-flop.....................Zzzzzz.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 87
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/8/2018 12:09:22 AM
Good Lord, what are you doing up, pest!☝☝☝☝
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 88
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/8/2018 12:18:12 AM
^^^^
How did you know I was up and stalking you. Oops I mean admiring your beauty from a distance.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 89
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/8/2018 12:21:11 AM
Oh, really? As I bat my eyelashes 👀
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 90
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/8/2018 12:28:42 AM
Yes really. Despite what an idiot like that Norwegian fool might say a man can grow to admire a woman even from a distance and without talking to her.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 91
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 3/8/2018 2:07:48 PM
💛💚💙💜💟❤

Messages this short may not be posted, unless you include more hearts💘
 RfromCanada
Joined: 4/4/2018
Msg: 92
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 4/16/2018 8:35:14 PM
Thanks, Aintnodeal. I appreciate your comments.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 93
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 4/23/2018 8:21:56 AM
You can flip your opinion on marriage. Some of us are convinced early on that marriage is just a piece of paper but after a few decades come round to the idea.

I personally, hate the idea of having a wedding. I've seen how much money people have spent on their weddings and I have no desire to do the same. So I always thought not a chance I'd want to do that. And because of family pressure, I would have had the damn big wedding to make family happy. Now I'm at the point where because my brother did the big wedding thing I don't feel that pressure so I would like to get married one day, maybe eloping somewhere would be nice.

Another issue I have had with marriage is that whole promise to God thing. With divorce so prevalent, I don't want to make a promise I can't keep. However I've come to think that if it's a person I really love and our relationship is good, it may be worth making that promise.
 FriendshipLoveLoyalty
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 94
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 4/23/2018 11:40:16 AM
In answer to the original post, he is either looking for a nurse, or a purse.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 95
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 4/23/2018 3:39:05 PM
"... he is either looking for a nurse, or a purse."

It could be the guy with the purse-I mean wallet-since he's had nobody to spend his money on except himself.
Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 5/5/2018 7:44:31 PM
OP:

For me, this depends on the reasons why someone was single for a long time and then at an older age wants a LTR or marriage of some sort.

To put it very shortly...I always wanted someone who has a certain general mindset and motivation. This happens to exclude practically any and all practices describable by "have fun first", "settle down later", "don't get tied down". And strangely, it's not simply because she was living that way, but it's because those phrases (concepts) don't apply in the first place in opposition to an LTR, so it's the fact that she'd say those things which indicate a very incompatible mindset. Therefore, if a woman wants something serious at a relatively older age when she didn't want it before and wasn't looking for it...that's fine. I don't see this as a sin on her part. But I don't want her. We are of different species.

Comically, you could think of it as: If she was one of the ones who was making me wait, then she doesn't get me later. I wasn't waiting for her. She has been boycotted. You don't "share life together" after key moments of life has already been lived. Those moments are gone. It doesn't apply anymore. We already lived a lot of what's being referred to by "sharing life together". That doesn't compute.

Often it's more like she wants something real later in life only because she can no longer afford to do the other, and is now just lonely. Well, that's just not gonna work. She hasn't earned it. She pissed it away.
 KingofSnuggles
Joined: 5/17/2011
Msg: 97
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 5/16/2018 1:33:42 AM
Possibly(like me), he's not a serial dater and has not found a woman who

(A) he's attracted to and vise versa who is truly ready to settle down...and ACTS like it
(B) isn't one to rush into marriage just because its something they've wanted
(C) like me, has a lifestyle that he wants to find in a partner that he's having a hard time finding here or in the regular world.

Firsthand experience, I do a search with minimal criteria - age range, distance etc and get 1000+ results. Now I search by my lifestyle choice - no drinking, drugs, smoking, looking for serious/long term/marriage.....less than 50. Then out of those 50, try to find one that attracts my attention and has anything interesting to say that further peeks interest enough to send a message. While most have a lake to fish from, I have a glass of water......
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 98
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 5/16/2018 11:36:59 AM

While most have a lake to fish from, I have a glass of water.


I have a thimble.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 99
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 5/16/2018 5:40:08 PM
^^^^what do you have that's the size of a thimble?
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 100
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Never been married suddenly at 50 you wanna marry someone REALLY
Posted: 5/17/2018 5:13:15 AM
Speaking as an old boot who never ended up settling down till my late 20s and then only for 10 odd years.....

I just want someone now to put my dentures in soak and change my incontinence pad
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