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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???      Home login  
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 Platinum_Blonde_Angel
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 26
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
^^OMG I remember you!

How are you???
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 27
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/6/2018 2:49:32 PM
Being with someone who is unemployed and doesn't seem to be trying hard to find a job is slow agony.

I stayed 9 years with a chronically unemployed loser. When we started going out, he had a job, a good job, but I didn't know he'd only had that job a short amount of time. I got pregnant soon after we started going out (I was on birth control and it definitely was not on purpose) and my roommate around that time moved away to a new city and I needed a roommate so stupid me I let him move in. Shortly after he lost that job and for the next 5 years he probably went through 20 jobs, either quitting or getting fired. And from his point of view, it was always the employer's fault, he never took accountability. In the first 5 years, he was unemployed more than he was employed.

Finally he found a job working on a road crew for the highways department which he seemed to do okay at but that job was seasonal and only stretched from end of May to beginning of October every year. So he didn't work the other 7 months of the year. At first it was okay because he got employment insurance (our government unemployment income program in Canada) but then after two years the government changed the rules for seasonal workers and he couldn't get enough weeks of EI to last out the year and we were so broke we were going to food banks (I should mention that I was working fulltime throughout but my wages weren't great so my income couldn't get us by). So he quit the highways crew job and the next year he went through a series of jobs, constantly getting fired or quitting.

I finally had enough and decided that I needed to find a higher paying job so we sold the house (a house that we got through help from my parents) and I moved to my home province and got a much better paying job with him continuing his chronically unemployed ways. The only reason I hadn't dumped him was because legally I wouldn't have been allowed to leave the province with our kids without him. Once I got to to my home province, I had trouble getting rid of him because he wouldn't move out. He was a lazy leach who did nothing all day but lay on the couch and play on his phone and because he was financially dependant on me I was worried that if I left him he would be able to get custody of the kids since he technically stayed home more with them and I would end up having to pay him child support. It didn't matter that he did almost nothing for the kids, just let them run wild around the house while I was at work but a lawyer advised me that she'd seen judges grant lacklustre dads like that primary custody and child support before so she cautioned me about the situation. Once day he finally found a new girlfriend and asked me to move out with the kids so I did. He was employed at the time and I though I felt sorry for his new girlfriend who had no idea of his history, I didn't say a word. 6 months later their relationship self-destructed and now he's living in his parent's basement where he lived when I originally met him.

Get out of the relationship now before this woman gets knocked up! If she does then you are screwed and stuck with her.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 28
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Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/6/2018 7:33:32 PM
^^^^^^^^^

Textbook, just.........textbook.

Heartwarming stories such as this are what makes the forums worthwhile.


I stayed 9 years with a chronically unemployed loser.


So many losers, so many enablers.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 29
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Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/7/2018 5:55:47 AM
i notice this is a month ago, not sure how things are going but i hope you're both coping.

i'm not sure how bad her drinking problem is but if you need support with that there's always AlAnon (they do help people who are the partners of drinkers, as well as the alcoholic themselves, and you can get help from them on your own if she has no interest on going).

she sounds depressed tbh, with the sleeping, drinking, and lack of motivation.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 30
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/7/2018 7:01:33 AM

So many losers, so many enablers.


Enabling? No. It might seem that way but I had two things I was worried about, two legitimate things:

1) I had no family in the province we were in, and had problems with finding childcare. If I would have been a single mother there with no family to help out and difficulty finding childcare, I would have had trouble working. At the very least he was a bad babysitter who I didn't have to pay. Plus, I couldn't legally leave the province to go back home with the kids.

2) No way in hell I was going to risk losing primary custody of the kids and having to pay him spousal and child support. Just because he could claim to be the stay-at-home parent.

Yes, I'm a schmuck for having kids with him. The first two came right after the other. The first two years I was naieve and young and stupid and thought he just had a bad run of luck and that things would improve. I was raised thinking all men worked hard for their families. I'd had no exposure or idea that guys like him even existed.

One other things concerns me with the OP's situation. The drinking. My loser never drank but a couple years ago he went on medication and his mood improved and he got a job that he seemed to jive with. The meds helped a great deal but then the doctor that he had moved away and his new doctor refused to give him the same meds, changed them to something else which didn't work. Then my loser got the brainiac idea from someone that pot would help with his depression. He started vaping "medicinal" marijuana all the time. That's when I finally moved out of the bedroom and slept in the kids room. For about 6 months, I avoided him as much as possible and never left the kids with him. He felt abandoned by me hence the new girlfriend. The OP's girlfriend likely suffers from some mental ailments and needs meds to jumpstart her rather than using alcohal to self-medicate.
 Canelas19
Joined: 7/17/2017
Msg: 31
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Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/8/2018 7:23:47 AM
How old is she if you are 24?
Anyway you are both too young for this situation. Give her an ultimatum. otherwise she will never be responsible for herself. So unless you don't mind to sponsor her behavior then she needs to understand she can not live like this. And please don't get her pregnant, for what you said about your relationship that would be a very unhappy baby if you do.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 32
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Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/8/2018 11:35:18 AM
I've been on both sides of this quandary. I had decided to relocate from NJ to NY, at the request of a FWB, who offered to share a room with me until I got on my feet. He had requested that I pay $40 weekly toward groceries weekly (if I recall correctly). I was paying $40 weekly, cooking every day, and getting familiar with the neighborhood. Had been following up with a job who ended up letting me go by simply not having me on the schedule anymore and telling me to call weekly, so I wasn't totally idle. After about 2-3 weeks of this, he explained that I had to get a job, even though I had been complying with my financial obligation as requested. And even when there were other non-financial contributions being exchanged.

Three weeks later, I got a job and I met who later became my boyfriend (not at the job).

Months later, he was fired or let go (don't recall exact details), I took over paying all of the bills but I was barely making enough to do so. On top of that, I loaned him $900 for him to get clothing for interviewing purposes, transportation, printing resumes, etc. After all, he did help me relocate, and offered me a place to stay. After a month of coming home and seeing him playing video games, and when I asked what he did with his day he'd usually say that he went to eat at his grandma's house, I lost respect for him. I was not given any consideration when I was the one unemployed (though financially contributing), and when spoken to, I started walking around and applying immediately, and started working 3 weeks later. Now that it was him, and everything was being paid for, he suddenly felt no sense of urgency in doing so himself.

He got a job, I moved out because in the end, I could not have any respect for him nor wanted to ever sleep with him after seeing that there was an obvious inequality between us, that the same standards did not apply and he'd have no problem having me stretch to the max to keep things going, plus I really wanted to be with the other guy (the one who became my boyfriend).

This is all to say that people quit/get fired/get let go from their job, when they are with someone, it is because they are comfortable. Needless to say, no one should feel comfortable being someone else's burden to carry, its inconsiderate, especially when the other person is not in on it. People who have to work to support themselves and not working means not eating, they don't do dumb sh*t like quitting/getting fired/getting let go.

If you don't put your foot down and explain that this is going to break the relationship and she has X amount of time to get it together and show that she still wants to be in said relationship, then your are responsible for whatever dissatisfaction you are and will experience.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 33
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/9/2018 2:43:52 AM
Here's a little thing it's called talk to her not do the blame thing, not get angry, not try to fix or change her, don't insult her and don't validate stuff.

It's a simple thing you sit down ask her what she wants listen to her with no bias intent just an open mind. Go over things she once enjoyed start encouraging her to do them to get her motivation up, believing in herself, being positive about things again. Next she gets that motivation and excitement building she will get anxious not to want to sit at home but to do things like work. She is positive you encourage it and support her in it, if she doesn't get the first job go over what might have went wrong maybe she can't do interview or maybe she doubts her ability working. You need to listen if she comes home and says I can't do that job, ask why and think of ways to turn her around to not give up but improve herself.

I went through a list of job type interviews with my daughter to prepare her for whatever interview she got. Then I did mock interactions for whatever type of customer, and or co-worker problems she might come across and how to deal with those types of people. I taught her how the world really works and what she has to do to get where she wants to go in her career choice. I didn't say should couldn't do it I said lets see how we can make it happen. Did it with g/f's, normal friends and other family members and they ask me where I learned this stuff nobody really pays attention to doing it.

I have a certain codes for things and live by them, everyone should regardless most people do it without thinking some people need to see the things that need to be done. It's not bad just different as such this is one of my 2 of lists in everyday life.

Interview

Be Prepared for the job
Be on time for interview and job
Know what you want and how to get it- everything about the job and what's expected
Presentation- allow about you and your abilities strengths weaknesses how to deal with each situation
Closing- thank them for taking the time for the interview it was greatly appreciated
Rehash- If there are other positions available or in future and I am not the best candidate for this position please take me into consideration
Follow-up in 48 hours with a call on status unless otherwise specified to show interest in position, I also write a thank you letter if position was filled.

The job

Be on time
Be prepared
Know what your doing why you are doing
Never bring home to job and never bring job home
Have fun be positive and enjoy it show initiative.
Make friends and get along with co-workers be respectful of them regardless of how they treat you.
Be enthusiastic
Believe you can do the job, and any other job they might assign you to
Work a full day
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 34
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/9/2018 10:03:02 AM
Nestaron, that's well and good when you have someone that was raised right but honestly, I've known of several people who don't want to put in that work to get and keep a job because they don't want the job. Now, I have worked some shitty jobs but knowing that I need to stand on my own two feet, I put up with the shit and keep at it until I have another job lined up. I have had 15 jobs in my life and I have never been fired or quit without having another job. I was laid off before but that is not.the same thing. And Yes, sometimes people are unfairly fired and sometimes people just don't do well at a job despite trying so are let go BUT when individuals keep getting fired, it is not the employer that is to blame as these individuals claim. Either they are going for jobs they aren't qualified or trained or have talent for or they are just really poor employees.
 Nestaron
Joined: 10/11/2017
Msg: 35
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/9/2018 4:30:41 PM
@Julystorm7 Well the person must really not have listened in school all that much, seeing what is there, hearing what is heard, utter clones focused on what is taught exactly as taught and preaching it as they think it is. How many times a school say where's your pencil and paper? Your late? Why did you cut class? why didn't do your homework? Oh great your homework is complete! Good everyone is here on time.

I was raised right and different people weren't what kinda crap are you speaking in that? We all went to fvcking school it's a right!!! All I did was take what the school teaches you and put it in a more suitable situation and it's correct meaning. Everything I said I learned in school what did you learn oh right you were so worried about grades you forgot to learn about what exactly you were doing there.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 36
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/9/2018 6:24:43 PM
That's the point though. Those same kids who don't listen in school, who show up late for class, who don't finish their homework, who talk back to the teacher, make really crappy employees later. I wasn't a great student by any means but I always had my parents kicking my but to do better.
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 37
Girlfriend has no money no motivation and needs a job???
Posted: 3/9/2018 7:55:57 PM
"Those same kids who don't listen in school, who show up late for class, who don't finish their homework, who talk back to the teacher, make really crappy employees later."

Not always. I taught in the school system for eons. Lots of kids fit that description are doing quite fine today. Some even better than fine. And some of the best behaved aren't... so it doesn't always correlate.
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