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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Instant turn aways      Home login  
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 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 226
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Instant turn awaysPage 10 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

How many guys could really handle and trust the girl who is all smiles, very outgoing, and talks to everyone?? The truth is, the average insecure schmuck will probably be shitting himself the first time she goes out somewhere without him.

True. She'd have to demonstrate that part of her schtick is also stepping away from a guy seemingly flirting with her... not one of those types who go "Well, what am I supposed to say?" and just eat it, and keep rolling with them, claiming they're just trying to be nice, etc. Otherwise, jealously to some degree reasonably sets in. Instead, she shouldn't be afraid to step away from even the attractive guys who are flirting, as she should understand being all-smiles & outgoing to everyone is going to trigger a good portion of that (gotta prove that it's not Really for attention).

But I've known gals who were very outgoing & social with everyone in general, but weren't the same as flighty play-naive type gals who'd mingle with the boys all the time for attention. Over time, we can settle into a comfort-zone where we notice how she differentiates herself from those types.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 227
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 10:25:02 AM

The truth is, the average insecure schmuck will probably be shitting himself the first time she goes out somewhere without him.

True, but to be very clear -- insecure schmucks come in ALL sizes and packages - not just the quiet, ugly or inferior.

Instead, she shouldn't be afraid to step away from even the attractive guys who are flirting...

True enough. The problem with having faith in that scenario is alcohol changes it up a bit. A lot of gals I know stay in that 'giggly' mode of being cheerful with everyone once the booze sets in. It's a defense - be friendly with everyone and you won't make enemies - well, aside from the controlling, insecure schmuck that probably can't handle their booze much better.

Over time, we can settle into a comfort-zone where we notice how she differentiates herself from those types.

Part of it is realizing no matter how many people they 'charm up' at the bar, you know they are still going home with the same guy. It's more fun to watch a dozen idiots hopelessly hit on the hottie across the room when her man of five years is setting next to you at the bar, and you know the eventual outcome.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 228
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 11:19:00 AM

Many women - like myself - are rejected prior to any approaching. A man's eyes scan the bar and pass right over me.


That means I should feel like crap, because anywhere I go in public, like shopping, people are always scanning the crowd, but I am never approached by women. Why is that? But remarkably, I get over it.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 229
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 11:42:46 AM
"the average insecure schmuck will fear his flirty gf going somewhere without him to act like a human chastity belt."

>>>its so common, its a theme in some sit coms (I was watching Big Bang reruns yesterday, where Leonard is worried Penny is going to have an ex who is a musician crash on her couch). do we trust the woman who we still don't understand why she is dating us...or do we mistrust the men we know will chase after her and pull every trick in the book? I remember when my best female friend picked up a hot dude in the bar...they dated, but every time he slipped off to a bar (B/c he's an alky), she figured some other gal was going to pull off the same success she had, and get him into bed. Sometimes, our "irrational fear" might have a grain of logic.

ironically, some of us might pass up a chance at a natural flirt, b/c...well, she does it to everyone, so why should we believe she's serious when she does it to us? :)

"And uninformed opinions that people have "just because"."

>>>people do put a lot of stock--and will defend until the end of time--things that make them feel good.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 230
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 1:20:23 PM


I still fail to have any sympathy for a man who is whining about being rejected.

I don't think the 'whine' is so much about being rejected as the expectation to almost always be the instigator, the approacher, the 'Man with a Plan' at the ready -- when all we receive in return is, "No. Thank you." There is zero effort shown in that type of exchange from the other side, and it's made most average joes simply bone-weary of even bothering to try. Fear of rejection left the room a long time ago -- at least the male version did. It's more about getting some sort of sign or signal that it's OK to approach, and since so many women are focused on their phones, besties, and their own reflection in a mirror, it simply doesn't happen. Waiting for a smile is infinitely easier than interrupting 'Ladies Night Out' with a cheesy pickup line and a schemed up story to sound impressive.

No, I don't think the fear of rejection ever goes away for anyone. I have it anytime I approach a man I find attractive. Especially if the setting is NOT in a bar where everyone is looking to connect and cheesy lines abound. But I haven't let that stop me and I don't wait for someone to smile at me. I smile first. It's something I've had to learn since I am not pretty or beautiful or even slender. I've told a man "I'd love to take you home tonight... for breakfast" (in a class) as well as "After we find the perfect zucchini, let's go fondle some grapefruit" (supermarket). Poor guys - neither was expecting it and both were wow!ed. Not that I would bother anyone who was busy with 'phones, besties and reflections'. There's not enough charisma in the world to compete with that.


Many women - like myself - are rejected prior to any approaching. A man's eyes scan the bar and pass right over me.


DreamPig;
Lack of acknowledgment is indirect, and I'm not sure I would necessarily classify it as rejection per se.

There is a look, a direct eye-to-eye contact that acknowledges personhood - that I'm not a chair or table or otherwise inanimate obstacle to trip over. It is when I get that look and then their eyes flicker in carnal calculation (i.e. is it late enough and am I drunk enough for her to be a 10) and slide away that I construe as rejection. There's a reason that I don't go to bars. Well, that and I don't like noise, too much alcohol, don't know how to dance, drunk guys...

SDan
Welcome to the club. There are some ladies out there I swear have whiplash or something because they keep their noses so high in the air avoiding eye contact they can't possibly see where they are walking.

LOL! I understand this completely. I've gotten more interest from a guy sitting nearby when I laugh at one of these guys trying so hard to avoid seeing me in terror that they'll have to... I don't know - introduce themselves or ask me to dance.

HSkies
If one is in a public place, such as a bar, and one establishes eye contact with a person and smiles at them, only to have that person roll their eyes and look away, that could be construed as rejection. If one never establishes eye contact with the other person at all, that's not necessarily rejection, in my opinion.

I agree.
No eye contact - no problem. I just stare at his back and fantasize (never drooling, of course - I'm too much of a lady to drool).
Eye contact and.... skim on by; I construe this as a rejection of not even bothering to ask for a date. Am I wrong?

site/sight
That means I should feel like crap, because anywhere I go in public, like shopping, people are always scanning the crowd, but I am never approached by women. Why is that? But remarkably, I get over it.

Oh, please no, don't feel like crap (unless you believe you deserve it -- then go and make amends for it).
People shopping or going off to work aren't trying to connect. As HS points out, eye-to-eye contact indicating possible interest is the first step. Smiling is another.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 231
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 8:07:09 PM

because anywhere I go in public, like shopping, people are always scanning the crowd, but I am never approached by women.


ME EITHER !

What's up with THAT?

I go to the bank, no woman ever says, "Oh, I'll withdraw some extra money, I'm about to go to lunch, would you like to join me, my treat?".

I go to the supermarket, women with large breasts never approach me in the produce dept. and say, " I bet you'd like to check out THESE melons."



Why is that?

I blame poor decision-making skills.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 232
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/15/2018 9:03:24 PM

I go to the supermarket, women with large breasts never approach me in the produce dept. and say, " I bet you'd like to check out THESE melons."


Do you ever get any full moons?
 KPOL52
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 233
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/17/2018 10:19:20 PM
When I used this site to meet potential mates, several things. Regular smoker, a profile that looks like it was done in 5 minutes or less, just ask, no listed interests, and wrong body style for my tastes.

Despite the apparent shoot for the moon attitude so rampant today, I would not ask for more than what I bring to the table.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 234
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/18/2018 5:45:18 PM
Some other deal breakers:

1. unwarranted insecurity.
2. egotistical
3. manipulative
4. Arrogance
5. Ignorance
6. Racist
7. Sexist/Chauvinist
8. Makes fun of overweight people
9. Ageist

Yes, sadly, I've encountered these traits through OLD.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 235
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/18/2018 10:05:29 PM

The problem with having faith in that scenario is alcohol changes it up a bit. A lot of gals I know stay in that 'giggly' mode of being cheerful with everyone once the booze sets in. It's a defense - be friendly with everyone and you won't make enemies

Ehhh, a weak defense where one could say the opposite. If while drinking (or not) you get into another giggly-social gear, 'charming' guys left & right VS just being a gal who's social but sets her boundaries well -- you're more apt to make enemies. It's a faux excuse, whether the real reason underneath it all is "I want attention/validation that I'm pretty & liked by men," when drinking makes them shift gears into that.

Part of it is realizing no matter how many people they 'charm up' at the bar, you know they are still going home with the same guy.

No, that's not necessarily true. :) A gal's not necessarily going to be out With the guy she's Dating, or coming home to him that night. I think that'd be a good rule to have once in a Serious relationship -- yeah, go out without the other one, but, we end up crashing together at the end of the night. There could be some peace of mind there for those who are insecure schmucks -- or the type that has reason to be jealous/concerned. ("I don't give BJs in the men's room when I'm dating a guy, Brad. You have to trust me.").

It's more fun to watch a dozen idiots hopelessly hit on the hottie across the room when her man of five years is setting next to you at the bar, and you know the eventual outcome.

Some guys like a limited exchange with a hottie, not expecting to pick her up, when they rarely get to even talk to a hottie. In fact, convo's better when he's expressively cool she has a BF. And some schmucks revel in it Too much and get a false sense of validation being on the platonic level. But yeah, there are always going to be some guys Macking too much like that, wasting their time as well.

However, that said, it's not the craziest situation for the guy to partake in, necessarily. He could be not really Macking that much but just playfully flirting, wanting to establish something between the two, while he gets a feel for who/how she is and her real situation. 3rd time she's in, her boyfriend Brad's not there, and she's drinking a bit too much with her frisky single friend, and lo and behold, she has complaints about Brad. "Let's go in the bathroom and talk about it, babe." ;)

Some guys put way too much time/effort into that though, so I agree much of the execution is eye-rolling.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 236
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 8:04:09 AM
does anyone ever ignore some of their put offs and it's gone well?

one of my put offs is guys with a broad age range, especially if it stretches more to younger than themselves than over (so say a 40 yr old has an age range of 18 to 50, and another has one from 35 to 45, the first guy would be the put off). but i seen a guy his age range goes really low and he seems my type. but i'm thinking stick to my rules because that's why i made them in the first place.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 237
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 9:51:54 AM
Anyone over the age of thirty who will date someone under the age of twenty one.
Anyone who dates only younger/older.
"Ask me" profiles.
Several children from different partners.
Dressed skankily.
Atheist.
Extreme liberal or conservative.
Incapable of using a regular scale to measure their weight.
Their profile is heavily career focused.
If I need an interpreter to read what they wrote (English being their first language).
World travelers.
"Do not want" list is pretty long.
Too much text speak.
Disgusting mess in the background of more than one pic.
Sex talk within the first day of talking.
"Over-educated" (Has two PHDs and working on a masters, and more).
If it's obvious I'm not their type.
"Separated"
Someone who drinks too much.
Takes medication for depression/mental disorders.
The crazy eye.
Continuous one to five word messages.
If I don't know which one they are.
Lots of tattoos and piercings.
All about the (or "their") money.
Loves the city.
Anyone who has to have sex within the first five dates or is willing to have sex within the first three.
Anyone dealing with insecurity problems.
Filters on all their pics.
Only dates outside of their race.
Absolutely no chin and jaw line.
Obsessed with watching sports.
Self-professed divas or princesses.
Not looking for a long term relationship.
They don't cats or dogs.
Deception.
Male roommate.
Racism.
Sexist.

There's more, I just can't think of them right now.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 238
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 10:11:34 AM

does anyone ever ignore some of their put offs and it's gone well?


Most times ignoring after blocking goes fine, but there are exceptions, such as those who will have back up profiles to keep trying to contact you.

Or, the married guy that I blocked that contacted me from his backup profile and now nearly daily he views my profile. That is just WEIRD to me. If he spent that amount of effort into his relationship instead of whining to strangers or trying to find someone to cheat with.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 239
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 11:16:40 AM

Most times ignoring after blocking goes fine, but there are exceptions, such as those who will have back up profiles to keep trying to contact you.

Or, the married guy that I blocked that contacted me from his backup profile and now nearly daily he views my profile. That is just WEIRD to me. If he spent that amount of effort into his relationship instead of whining to strangers or trying to find someone to cheat with.


thanks for the reply, i meant does anyone ever meet people who have a put off on their profile?

not sure i should ignore mine but tempted to see if i'm being too strict, ignoring things for me before hasn't worked out but it wasn't things like on a profile and more things people did when i met them that i explained away because i accept people for who they are (that's stopped for certain and not gonna be happening again).
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 240
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 12:45:15 PM

"Do not want" list is pretty long.


Messsage #237



I can hear the irony bell clanging from here.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 241
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 1:07:42 PM

Messsage #237



I can hear the irony bell clanging from here.


Hahaha, things do seem pretty crazy sometimes when taken out of context.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 242
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 3:42:31 PM

does anyone ever meet people who have a put off on their profile?


You're welcome. I had to think about it as my deal breakers are pretty straight forward - still married, racist, sexist, smoker, ignorant, etc. No, I don't think that I have.

Okay wait, I did end up dating a guy whom I met from pof for over a month. It didn't come out right off that he had some racist views, based on his idea of "cop humor." So I guess I did, but most don't announce those things right off, but you find out when you're getting to know them.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 243
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 4:03:57 PM

Hahaha, things do seem pretty crazy sometimes when taken out of context.


How was that ''out of context"? She pointed out a very clear contradiction. Your ego is your worst enemy here. It seems like you won't settle for anything less than a virgin who was born for the sole purpose of loving only you in her lifetime.

Yes, I understand the concept of preferences and some are reasonable, but for f*ck's sake, some of you are damn determined to build an impenetrable 100 ft wall around yourselves and blame the world for not "getting" you.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 244
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 5:18:45 PM

Your ego is your worst enemy here.

Ironic that, you, would say that.


How was that ''out of context"?

I was answering a forum topic question "When you look at a profile or get a message, what is something that is an instant turn away for you? Be honest here." What I wrote here is neither in a profile or a message to anyone. To take it further though, if a woman posted a list like mine in these forums, I wouldn't have a problem with it. I have yet to find a long list of "don't wants" without it being surrounded by negativity, in a profile. If I did, maybe it wouldn't be a turn away. There is no contradiction. Dictionaries do not teach comprehension skills I guess.


It seems like you won't settle for anything less than a virgin who was born for the sole purpose of loving only you in her lifetime.

It seems like you objectify women.


I know how to read a profile, if you know what I mean. I know my worth and I do not settle. Settling is a horrible thing to do to someone.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 245
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 5:37:48 PM

Ironic that, you, would say that.


I'll be the first to say I have a big ego, but the difference is, I try not to shoot myself in the proverbial foot with it.


It seems like you objectify women.


How's that white knight schtick working out for you so far?


I know my worth and I do not settle. Settling is a horrible thing to do to someone.


I've got news for you, buckaroo. I don't care who you are, you will settle to some extent if you're looking to be in a relationship. There's not a person on Earth who is going to cater to your every whim 24/7. Not even the rich and famous can make this happen for themselves, yet you believe anyone else can?
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 246
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 6:03:09 PM

There's not a person on Earth who is going to cater to your every whim 24/7. Not even the rich and famous can make this happen for themselves, yet you believe anyone else can?

You make a lot of assumptions. I'm looking for someone who loves me whom I can also cater to.

White Knight? You love saying that. I would be considered purple pill in the MGTOW crowd.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 247
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 6:15:42 PM

You make a lot of assumptions. I'm looking for someone who loves me whom I can also cater to.


Assumptions? I am going by what you have stated. You said you do not settle. Also, go back and look at your "turn-away" list before you accuse someone else of objectifying women. Not to mention, you ended your glorious list with "there's more". Holy shit.


White Knight? You love saying that.


I use it when it's fitting.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 248
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/20/2018 7:27:56 PM

"Do not want" list is pretty long.


That is a long list. I have some of the same deal breakers, but...


There's more, I just can't think of them right now.


Oh boy...
 sisl55
Joined: 11/24/2014
Msg: 249
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/23/2018 6:42:30 AM
I agree 100% about the Astrological signs. I have zero interest is such non-sense.

And a big long list of "terms and conditions" is also enough to click-away to the next prospect.
 sisl55
Joined: 11/24/2014
Msg: 250
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Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/23/2018 6:53:24 AM
"Disgusting mess in the background of more than one pic.'

Direct hit!

They might include a sink filled with dirty dishes too, or maybe a trash can which has needed emptied for a week?
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