Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Instant turn aways      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 251
view profile
History
Instant turn awaysPage 11 of 15    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

one of my put offs is guys with a broad age range, especially if it stretches more to younger than themselves than over (so say a 40 yr old has an age range of 18 to 50, and another has one from 35 to 45, the first guy would be the put off).


Bingo...this is precisely why, on services like POF, NOT to list email parameters. They are public on sites like POF and Match. eHarmony and some others, it’s private.

I see women here, say 50, who will list age ranges of 30-51, not knowing they can’t mutually communicate on the lower end. Often, they will say, ‘My kids are grown, now time to have fun and looking for my last first date.’ Seriously ? It’s a fling and nothing wrong with it. But, your 30-something guy will probably want to marry someone his age or younger and start his own family, not be a stepfather to adult children.


Nyeahsers...quite a list you got here. To pick off a few:


-Several children from different partners.

Generally I would agree with you. Until I met the woman I’m with now, I probably would agree with you out of hand. But she has been so exemplary many ways to me that I’m glad I didn’t learn this on day one. I think it still remains a good guide (go with generalities not specifics), but be cautious of an outright dismissal.


-Atheist

I’m pretty secular myself. The lady I’m dating is a serious Catholic, I’m technically Protestant. She NEVER chants scripture, NEVER lectures or preaches, although attends Mass every Sunday, rarely brings it up on conversation unless it’s tied to something else in the conversation. Took her to a steak restaurant a few Friday’s ago, yeah, this time of the year, without thinking. They did have fish, which she had. But she casually mentioned, ‘I can’t have meat today.’ Growing up back East, the cities had heavy European Catholic influence you’d think I would have put the pieces together. I walked into that one.

On this count, what actually bothers me is not those who are agnostic or atheist, but those who are openly hostile to those of faith or those who have any faith.


-If I need an interpreter to read what they wrote (English being their first language)

Are you talking about those that put in phrases of code to decipher to see if you’re ‘cool’ enough to get it, ‘big points.’ But, if you have to ask what ‘...this means,’ you’re a loser ? Yeah, annoying.

-World travelers

Oh dear...can I now stand up, applaud and whistle with my fingers in my mouth ? (even though I can’t). My, my...if I had a dime for every profile around here that could double for travel brochures I’d be rich. That and the number of countries they’ve visited. They ‘know’ the World, supposedly, understand this country even less.


-Male roommate

I remember there was a line of questioning (first wave) on eHarmony, that asked about ‘opposite sex friends.’ I forget all the choice answers, but I believe it...and to some degree this, to be a subtile way of opening the door to introducing/projecting, poly or ‘open relationships.’ Some chose to do that, and whatever works for consenting adults. But, if you aren’t on that page, best to get that out in the open early.

-Racism
-Sexist

On eHarmony the racist concept was a ‘Can’t Stand’ choice or, I guess they call it now, ‘deal breaker.’ What was interesting, in my experience, is some 80-90% of the women who put that, were White. Yet, I might be able to recall one or two, out of all the matches I’ve had there, where it was a choice of foreign born women ‘of color.’ One of the other choices in the ‘CS’ or ‘breakers’ was ‘Political Correctness,’ meaning people censoring themselves at all times from any frank discussion.

But, more to the point, what irritates me is those who overly self identify, see the World ONLY through the prism of their race, ethnicity, gender...what have you. One woman I dated was half Hungarian Jew. And anyone who talked to her for more than two minutes would know, as she offered it up, regardless of the conversation topic. Not a fan of 'Identity Politics.’
 Seki1949
Joined: 9/4/2013
Msg: 252
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/24/2018 6:44:14 AM
^^^^^^

I'm an atheist, but I also have no time for those who are openly hostile to those of faith or those who have any faith.

I became an atheist at a very young age. I have tried to find faith and failed; at this age it's not going to change.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 253
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/24/2018 7:15:45 AM
Hostility....
Simply hostility to anything... yeah, I'd tend to avoid that too.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 254
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/25/2018 9:38:42 AM

I'm an atheist, but I also have no time for those who are openly hostile to those of faith or those who have any faith.


I am very hostile to Christians who confront me on the issue, and unapologetically so. Between their preaching, proselytizing, threats, and efforts to sneak their religion into our laws, yes, it brings out the worst in me. However, I end up walking away with the satisfaction of proving they know next to nothing about the Bible they so vehemently defend.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 255
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/26/2018 1:31:56 AM

On this count, what actually bothers me is not those who are agnostic or atheist, but those who are openly hostile to those of faith or those who have any faith.

Side note: Most self-labeled agnostics are a-theistic. It's not an in-between. It means I Don't Know, or more specifically thru Huxley's defining of the word -- a belief that it can't be known (at said point). So you're not a theist. All "a" in atheist means is "not". If you're not a theist, they're atheist, by the English language. Example: Difference between abacterial vs anti-bacterial.

Reason I say all that is because even though there are atheistic people who miss the bigger picture out of emotion (which gets religious folks) -- it is and Should be OK to bash some folks who have more than Just a belief that there is a God. Just merely that is not where the real controversy comes in. At all. It's particular Religions, many, that comes in that goes beyond that concept, where the strong criticism is deserved.
 flyover_boy
Joined: 12/28/2016
Msg: 256
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/26/2018 11:59:41 AM

...because even though there are atheistic people who miss the bigger picture out of emotion (which gets religious folks) -- it is and Should be OK to bash some folks who have more than Just a belief that there is a God. Just merely that is not where the real controversy comes in. At all. It's particular Religions, many, that comes in that goes beyond that concept, where the strong criticism is deserved.


This is sounding all like Sam Harris’ work a few years back called, ‘The End of Faith.’ He did a talk on C-SPAN shortly after it was published. He mentioned ‘conversational pressure’ being more pervasive on religion in our society than, he feels, it is. From his talk, he’s hard on Western Christianity, (applauded by some), and harder on Islam (not welcomed by ‘tolerate seeking groups’ here). Although he gives his explanation for, I still thought he gave Eastern religions a comparative pass. None the less, an interesting and insightful talk.

I would note, we don’t allow ‘conversational pressure’ on many social issues, held in such delicate taboo, even in the face of World History to counter our trusted views. Many stereotypes have a grain of truth to them and inconvenient truths. Part of the imperfect human, which some believe, can be reformed to a utopian, yet human form. Let’s say, I don’t hold THAT faith.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 257
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:20:21 PM

Side note: Most self-labeled agnostics are a-theistic. It's not an in-between. It means I Don't Know, or more specifically thru Huxley's defining of the word -- a belief that it can't be known (at said point). So you're not a theist. All "a" in atheist means is "not". If you're not a theist, they're atheist, by the English language. Example: Difference between abacterial vs anti-bacterial.

Reason I say all that is because even though there are atheistic people who miss the bigger picture out of emotion (which gets religious folks) -- it is and Should be OK to bash some folks who have more than Just a belief that there is a God. Just merely that is not where the real controversy comes in. At all. It's particular Religions, many, that comes in that goes beyond that concept, where the strong criticism is deserved.


The true meaning of agnostic is to possess knowledge. To be agnostic would be to possess no knowledge. However, to know, when it comes to religion, is to believe. So to be agnostic is to not believe, basically atheist as you've stated. I never really understood how someone can either believe or not believe in a higher power. You either believe something or you don't. There can't really be a grey area. Saying they are agnostic (the non-accurate definition of agnostic) is just a copout for refusing to think more deeply about something. People do not realize that even if you don't believe in the manmade structure and belief system of a particular religion doesn't mean who have no faith. Spirituality is fluid and subjective and always changing, sometimes more intense and sometimes pushed to the background.

I tend to separate religion from belief. I always say that culturally I'm a Catholic because the baptisms, first communions, weddings and funerals all are a part of my family's culture and my ancestors for many many generations were Catholics and I'm not willing to walk away from that part of my cultural history. I go to church many Sundays because I want to give my kids a religious base, however, my Catholicism is hollow. For many years I gravitated towards the Bahai faith and I've also looked at the others too. In my heart, I have no religion but I do believe in a higher power and as I get older my spirituality tends to wane because I realize how little I'll ever know about what's real.

Canada is unlike the United States where religion is tied up in the political system. And religious extremism seems to be much more prevalent down there but its considered acceptable extremism. Every single issue down there seems to be tied up in religious debate and I've very glad Canadian politics, for the most part, seems to keep religion altogether separate.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 258
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/26/2018 12:22:30 PM

I am very hostile to Christians who confront me on the issue, and unapologetically so. Between their preaching, proselytizing, threats, and efforts to sneak their religion into our laws, yes, it brings out the worst in me. However, I end up walking away with the satisfaction of proving they know next to nothing about the Bible they so vehemently defend.


I've found most people assume atheists or agnostics (or secular) are such because they HAVEN'T read the bible or o not
educated on christian teachings. They're often surprised to find that's not the case. I can give religious zealots a run for their
money as well. They rarely get the last word. Although with my attention span, I sometimes end up walking away as well.
Depends on how much time I have...hahahahaha!

 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 259
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 3/26/2018 5:40:01 PM
What do you get when you combine an agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac?

A person who lays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog.
 Nyeahsers
Joined: 12/7/2017
Msg: 260
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/2/2018 4:51:29 PM

I am very hostile to Christians who confront me on the issue, and unapologetically so. Between their preaching, proselytizing, threats, and efforts to sneak their religion into our laws, yes, it brings out the worst in me. However, I end up walking away with the satisfaction of proving they know next to nothing about the Bible they so vehemently defend.


What's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Atheists are always sneaking in anti-Christian laws.

Which Bible would you be talking about? The Catholic Bible is different from the KJV.
 MeramecRiverRat
Joined: 10/12/2017
Msg: 261
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/2/2018 5:51:56 PM
At risk of sounding overconfident, I don't dismiss profiles by imagining I have no chance. However I will avoid profiles "too good to be true", where they seem to have stolen pics from a model, or their claims are too unrealistic. Really good professional pics are a negative to me. I prefer a slightly blurry selfie because it's likely real and they could look better in person.

Turnaways in no particular order:
Any form of smoking. This includes a photo holding an unlit cigar.

Guns. One reason I uninstalled Bumble is they said they will ban photos with guns. The pro gun people probably don't like this, and those who consider gun photos a dealbreaker shouldn't like it either because you can't weed out gunloons anymore.

No photo showing the person unaltered. This includes no pics, pics don't have the person at all, pics have those stupid Snapchat filters, and anything else where they're not visible.

Various politics.

If they say they're 420 friendly.

On this site, an email restriction with an age going more years younger than older. A 45 year old who says 35 to 55 when she joins, then she's still here at 48 but didn't update the age range, probably didn't update other things in her profile that have changed in the last 3 years, even if she's not trying to rob the cradle.

All photos are away from our region. Could be a fake who stole photos from someone in a different region. If real, could be high maintenance, travelling on a regular basis. If the word "passport" is in a profile, I don't proceed.

Separated or otherwise in a relationship.

Dysfunctional demands such as "You must have a job". At least they put that in their profile so people who recognize the dealbreaker can avoid wasting time for either person.

Anything that shows we wouldn't be compatible.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 262
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/2/2018 5:53:07 PM
Turn offs for me:

Religious.
Over weight.
Short hair
Children
Was married.
Only high school educated.
Bad job.
Negative profile.
High angle cleavage pics
highly filtered pictures.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 263
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/2/2018 9:10:17 PM

I'm an atheist, but I also have no time for those who are openly hostile to those of faith or those who have any faith.

Ditto. I'm undecided, coming from two religious backgrounds, and I equally dislike hostile atheists (please calm the f*** down) and religious believers who force the topic on others.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 264
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 2:55:52 AM
If he lists that he hunts. I won't read one more word after that. If he lists himself as non-religious, because it's in vogue, and like a lemming says it starts wars, lol, he's done! No car, no job, no money, because some do say their finances aren't good. At my age, your finances should be good. Dating intent isn't a LTR.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 265
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 12:19:44 PM
I think discriminating against poor finances at an older age isn't fair necessarily. There are a lot of reasons an older man might be in poor financial shape: divorce, health issues, kids in college, encountering a long period of being laid off a few years back, an ex-woman who spend money frivolously.

I agree on the no job discriminator though. If a guy doesn't have a job (unless he's retired) he should be focusing on getting one before trying to date. How the hell can he afford to date without a job? The last guy I was into heavy communication with was really a nice guy, two young kids, we had a ton in common but then he confessed he hadn't been employed for two years. He'd been living in a family home doing odd jobs to get by. Huge red flag for me. I ghosted him after a couple weeks of constantly talking.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 266
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 2:39:51 PM
Of course no job due to retirement is accepted. Better not have kids in college at my age, 59, or older.

Discriminating based on finances is even more important when you're older. You're doing it now at a younger age, where a person can recoup, and not having extra funds is more common and acceptable, because people have kids, and smaller salaries are still growing, investments are still small.

For men, why should a wife that liked to spend impact his finances? That means he also contributed, by allowing it. My divorced gf had to take on her hubbie's debt, but that was part of her finances to let him, #1. Sell his boat and not satisfy the loan, #2. Let him cash in each 401k when he left those jobs. He lost his job's contribution to them thru the penalty and taxes, halved what he had, lost 10s of thousands of dollars.

First marriage for me, he was a student and I fully supported him, clothes, food, vacations (Oahu, Maui, the Big Island, CA coast). 2nd husband, low income, but then financial irresponsibility when he changed jobs and his salary rose. I'm done with all of that. I enjoy traveling. I need someone that also enjoys that and can afford it. I don't want to spend my remaining years stressing about finances, because the guy's finances will be mine. I'm not the type to let my partner not live as well as me, but SS and a pension is nothing to live on as monthly income when you're retired. As you already know, money problems equals stress.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 267
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 2:52:16 PM
There are some times where poor finances at an older age are not due to bad choices. An entrepreneur may be suffering a down-turn in the economy, and a few have even gone bankrupt but bounced back due to their business savvy. But depending upon how old they are...there may not be enough "time left" to get thru the bankruptcy and whistle good times are here again. Many financial advisors recommend putting retirement ahead of putting kids thru college, they have the time to pay off loans. No one likes to tell their kids no, of course...but sometimes there's a sign the parent is TOO old softie.

the best is to listen to the person talk, and have the sense to recognize what is bad choices and what is good decision making that just hit bad luck. The problem with jobless people dating, is they may be dating in order to feel better about themselves, and that's not a healthy relationship.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 268
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 3:02:21 PM

Better not have kids in college at my age, 59, or older.


Newyorker: You're swimming in the fountain of youth, there's no way that I would have thought you were beyond your 30's.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 269
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 3:08:42 PM
Yes, I've heard it recommended that parents not take on their kid's college debt. I think another aspect is that kids can get lower interest loans for college.

If I meet a guy and things turn south for his health or financially, too late, I'm all in. I'm not discarding anyone, but I do want to start out okay to begin with. I'm a middle income, blue collar, type of gal. I don't expect I'll be meeting a guy with what I'd call big bucks or really want to, because then I could not financially keep up with his lifestyle.

Edit: Pretty, wish I could accept the compliment, but my main pic is old. I stopped dating for a while (put it in my profile), and then have swapped out more current pics with some others showing things I do for hobbies. Me with my dog in the pfd is about 7 years old now, but I do have a current one where I'm wearing a camo top and holding my tablet just to not be a fraud in the forums.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 270
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 8:41:10 PM
Newyorker: understood, you still look like you got the lock on good genes.

On another note, not related to above, but I needed to vent about an instant turnoff being that it happened today and is still in process. Clinginess, neediness and potential insecurity.

When a guy whom you thought there was potential with - starts to go into overdrive by overdoing the text, messages and calls all within a day. Too much too soon too fast. When he starts acting like it's a relationship before there even is one. Just NO - hell no.

When he starts professing how much he cares and misses you. Then with the over abundance of damn messages, tries to continue to keep you engaged. It's a TURNOFF.

There's a reason why less is more in the beginning stages, both people need to assess compatibility and things need to mutually progress - it shouldn't be a one way collision course for disaster. This shit is annoying AF.
 LucilleDixon
Joined: 12/18/2016
Msg: 271
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 9:19:52 PM
I have a lot.
◆ Tied to a woman in any kind of way
◆ Thinks too highly of himself
◆ Has really small kids
◆ Overweight
◆ Has topless photos
◆ Bad grammar on his profile
◆ A hotep
◆ Calls me beautiful or any variation of the word. Immediate block.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 272
view profile
History
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 9:44:13 PM
Thank you, Pretty! The guy I dated from here wanted to text and I said I really don't so he sent me 20 emails a day while he was at work and it would have been more if I responded, LOL. I think a lot of these guys are just trying to rush sex by rushing the relationship. It does serve them well if they happen to be a horrendous person and can have sex with you before you catch on.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 273
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 10:38:53 PM

Thank you, Pretty! The guy I dated from here wanted to text and I said I really don't so he sent me 20 emails a day while he was at work and it would have been more if I responded, LOL. I think a lot of these guys are just trying to rush sex by rushing the relationship. It does serve them well if they happen to be a horrendous person and can have sex with you before you catch on.


Newyorker: You're welcome and you're right. Same here in this case, he was relentless in how many messages he sent. Lol. I definitely think that type assumes that being prematurely overly familiar that they'll be able to get what they want. I blocked the guy with no explanation. He'll figure that all out on his own as I know that's not the first time he's probably done and I know it won't be his last time.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 274
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/4/2018 10:46:26 PM
I worked my way through university, got a couple scholarships along the way that helped with a couple of the years but I never expected my parents to help out even if they could. Both their credits were awful so they couldn't co-sign any loans. My dad had been a farmer who basically gave up in the 90s due to a run of bad luck and a bad farm economy and my mom had declared bankrupcty following their divorce which depleted all their lifesavings through lawyer fees. I've been working hard my entire adult life and I can't respect a man unless he he working too. My ex would not or could not hold a job down and it made things extremely difficult for us. My income was not enough to live on and food banks, constant calls from creditors and the like were stressful to the max. And whenever he got a job, he spent the money immediately on stuff that wasn't important. So now as soon as I hear a guy is jobless I sprint for the hills.
 KPOL52
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 275
Instant turn aways
Posted: 4/5/2018 9:47:05 AM
I give ladies a lot of leeway on pics.

However, both women and men should at the very least have enough sense to:

1) IF they are actually looking to find a partner to spend some actual face time with, post at least one or two recent and decent pics. This means at least one pic should have a date (duhhhhhhhhhh!) and at least one should show what you currently look like and reflect one's current size. Rocket Science it ain't. Any others could depict you doing things you enjoy.

2) Nothing but obvious selfies especially bathroom mirror pics? REALLY? You have no friends or you are ashamed for them to know you are doing OLD. NEXT.

3) Nothing but tight face shots? Maybe 8 of them. Translation? You are either calorically challenged in either direction or unhappy for some reason with your body. NEXT!

4) Nothing but boob, a$$ or leg shots? You are insecure or fishing for any guy who is going to fall at your feet and treat you like a queen. NEXT!

Probably most importantly, if she gives numerous indications in her profile that she sees the world in black OR white on numerous levels, we are not going to be a good match. NEXT!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Instant turn aways