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 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 26
Casual sex and dating...Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

It would sure be easier if more women out there respected themselves enough to do this.


So, only a woman who has sex within the confines of a relationship can possibly have respect for herself??
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 27
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 5:06:14 PM

It's so easy to get sex now, people don't even need to date to have sex.

Yeah, but that doesn't make it easy, with someone one finds reasonably attractive. At least for most people.

For those that either want something significant, do you still have casual sex?

Even the player or hussy Likes the Idea, when it comes up, of meeting someone they're a Great match with and who is Wow -- thus liking the idea of an LTR with -them- *if*/when that were to happen. But in today's busy lives, truly Independent people aren't chasing that idea, as they don't Need it. Some people, sadly enough, are in love with the Idea of just Being in one, in and of itself.

If you want a committed relationship, do you believe in casual sex until you get into one?

Whether you're chasing the idea of being in an LTR or not, that's neither here nor there. Do I believe in casual sex when single? Sure, with the right gal who I'm attracted to and is into it with me, herself.

Would you have an issue if someone you were seeing was currently having sex with someone else while you're not having sex with them?

Yes. First, I'd have to ask -- why did they bring this up? I wouldn't want to go out on a date if they're Dating anyone else (which of course =having sex, too). If they have a FWB, why are they mentioning it? Crazy person there to mention it.

In general, when you go out on a Date, you put your FWB on hold. That may only last 1-3 hours, just during the date anyway. Or last from the date to the end of the 2nd/3rd/4th... until things "snap" between you and the person you went out on a date with. No need to bring up FWB, then.

I would definitely have an issue if someone I was dating was having sex with someone else.

I think everyone would, but I don't think that's the question, though. Landing a date (or two or three) isn't datING (yet?). DatING means you've gone out on Many dates already, and there's no formal asking anymore -- basically it's a given (pretty much, at least) that you're going to be going out again in the very near future, without any plans set up between the two.

If you're not dating anyone casual sex is fine if that's what you want.

Well, then the situation OP brings up would be fine -- you could have a fck-buddy while going out on a date. I agree with you tho, you can't really Start to foster a new relationship -- even if not aiming for the most serious stars -- while you're ball-banging someone else regularly.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 28
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 6:08:36 PM

Well sure, the guy was turned off because the woman is already intimate with a guy. You can't do that - or at the least, you have to have enough good sense not to blab about it!

I am surprised at how many women are open to casual sex relationships


Hemingway: welcome to the liberation. I honestly on the fence about all of this sexual liberation. What are we women really gaining? I mean yes, I get the blatant double standard where some guys can sleep their way through a ton of women and never be labeled a "heaux," but I do believe in the transference of energy and you absorb some of it.

I just don't think anything comes out of being able to have as many sex partners as we want and condoms are definitely not a safeguard against all STDs. My eyes were opened based on that thread that I mentioned where the women were giving the guy backlash for referring to the female as "newly used" while he hasn't been sexually active since his last relationship.


So, only a woman who has sex within the confines of a relationship can possibly have respect for herself??


Hey Pig: agreed. Even though I've never sought an fb situation out. I know I'm personally not built for it as I still want my sex and intimacy to be shared with someone that I have a deeper and more meaningful connection to that leads to a mutually monogamous relationship.

On another note, this thread is bringing back thoughts of the 3rd guy that I met whom I had chemistry with. He did the reach back on New Years via snapchat. I've been celibate and abstaining for quite some time. He was abstaining initially when I met him. In the span of time since we had not been corresponding, when we were catching up and he was asking who I was dating and I asked the same to which he replied that he had "a friend."

Just passing info onto any guy that potentially has interest in a woman as more than "a friend", don't tell her that, unless it's a girlfriend - just omit that and save that for when you both discuss your sexual health history. And, if you're really serious about her, lose "the friend." I understand people want transparency and honesty, but not everything goes over well and not everyone will be understanding about it, just because someone is saying they're keeping it real.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 29
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/4/2018 8:48:31 PM

Hey Pig: agreed.


I didn't make a statement that could be agreed or disagreed with. I asked Madame a question about something she implied.

In my mind, a woman (or man) who does what they want with their body, not harming anyone else in the process, and without a concern for what anyone thinks, is perfectly capable of respecting themselves.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 30
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Posted: 3/4/2018 10:58:09 PM
Don't forget there is way more boasting than banging
in a lot of circles.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 31
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Posted: 3/5/2018 12:32:14 AM
I don't believe in sex for several reasons.
1. I am a Christiane so I think sex before marriage is wrong and should just wait.
2. I don't have experience but from what I have heard there is also a big mental affect when it comes to sex not just the like physical of like how it fells.
3. Because of the metal part I don't want to like have sex and then a relationship don't work has I fell like that is just going to make it harder to move on if a relationship don't work and even more so if its your first time you have ever had sex.
4. Like sleeping around and you are more likely to end up having a unplanned baby or getting a STD.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 32
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Posted: 3/5/2018 12:35:41 AM
I also just forgot to say that I think sex should come with true love and with being a guy yes I do think of sex a lot but don't mean I am just going to have it.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 33
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Posted: 3/5/2018 6:54:07 AM
What's the metal part?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 34
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its his rod :)
Posted: 3/5/2018 7:46:05 AM
"I'm honestly on the fence about all of this sexual liberation. What are we women really gaining?"

>>>Growing up, I heard a lot of the old canard, "women mature sooner than men". And I thought, "no, every time society decides its perfectly OK for women to do the same dumb stuff boys do (say, binge drinking), they jump on the bandwagon to do what boys do". Do women on the whole, enjoy social acceptance and joining the cool kids? :)

The pity I saw, was young women trying to find their sense of identity, first pursuing their sexual identity in school. if they could have the confidence to sleep around, then maybe that meant they were confident. It seemed, however, the more they pursued that sexual identity, the further they got away from who they were. Some would eventually decide saying "no" was as empowering as saying "yes".

if we engage in an activity long enough, we can lose a part of ourselves in it. If you work at Daddy's company and can get away with stealing or other behavior...how many years before it starts to color how you think and act outside of Daddy's company? or maybe you spend most of your time in a social situation where "locker room talk" is common. Can you turn it on and off like a lightswitch, or does it turn eventually into an unconscious pattern?

as for keeping "a friend" around on the back burner...have you ever heard the expression, "that person's like a monkey--won't let go of the last vine until they have a firm grip on the next one" ? Some people will do this out of fear of being alone--I had a friend who wanted to cheat on her bf with me, even tho she knew she was avoiding dates w/ the bf b/c she was going to break up with him sooner rather than later. But a few people also do it out of strategy. Once I had two women interested in me, one more than the other. If I chased the less-interested-in-me gal, she would ditch me b/c all she really wanted was attention. But, having the other lass chase after me, "took off the edge", so to speak. When the less-interested would begin to ghost me, I didn't pursue--I had the other lass. My lack of chasing caught the interest of the less-interested....but if she had been the only woman showing interest in me, I would have gone full bore after her and lost her completely.

what can I say...such things work.

I am interested, tho, in why someone would be upset to hear about "a friend". I appreciate that honesty--it makes the decision for me. Transparency and honesty is perfect, if you want the good relationship. sometimes we're blinded by looks or what we think that person's status is going to do for our lives, that we ignore any red flags that there may be "a friend" in the background. its better to get the truth from the horse's mouth, isn't it?
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 35
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/5/2018 8:27:15 AM

It would sure be easier if more women out there respected themselves enough to do this.


I don't have casual sex very often. But when I did, I enjoyed it. Had nothing to do with lack of self respect.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 36
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/5/2018 8:33:43 AM


I am a Christian so I think sex before marriage is wrong and should just wait.


Say hello to the source of your guilt. Have you ever read the Bible from start to finish?
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 37
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Posted: 3/5/2018 12:31:04 PM

I don't believe in sex for several reasons.

It's not a mere typo leaving out the "casual" part. Sour grapes? ;)

1. I am a Christiane so I think sex before marriage is wrong and should just wait.

Part of the sour-grapes thing. Waiting for sex until marriage is a fine concept if you're getting married in your teens. Things change when you become a real adult, over 21. The whole "virginity is a virtue" doesn't apply anymore. It becomes a negative. What is a virtue instead, is refraining from having casual sex. Just because you're not married doesn't mean it's merely casual.

2. I don't have experience but from what I have heard there is also a big mental affect when it comes to sex

When you're a virgin, it can. But it's not a healthy state to be in, when you're an adult. You can try to protect your esteem by thinking that there's virtue in it, but there truly is not. Look -- be honest with yourself. You WANT it to have a negative mental affect, cause problems, etc -- because as an adult, it's, well, "scary" in some sense... and you can't get it. That's where sour grapes comes from.

being a guy yes I do think of sex a lot but don't mean I am just going to have it.

That's easier to say when you can't feasibly get it with girls that you would be thinking about having sex with. :)

Sex itself, when into adulthood -- isn't some big pedestal. At all. It's the who-what-where-and-why that determines it being naughty or nice. Marriage certificate not required.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 38
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Posted: 3/5/2018 4:05:43 PM
Nice to meet you, Christiane. You'd do well here, there's a few women who hate guys who are just here to get laid. You're what they're hoping to find. The big mental effect from sex usually requires the sex to be so good, your brain releases those bonding chemicals. The first time you do it, trying to tear a foil condom packet with your wet fingers and then trying to unroll just to find you applied the lubed side and it will slide right off and then there's the actual fumbling...the only mental effect will be trying to look cool :) And if the sex turns out to not get any better from there, then any "mental affect" is actually in your head. or another word for it is, "rationalizing".

sometimes, "making love" allows you to connect. Other times, a voice in your head asks, "is this really what I waited for?" But, hopefully, things will go well for you. The key is, the less stress you put on it...the less stress you feel about it :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 39
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/5/2018 4:55:15 PM


What's the metal part?


Banging a chick while listening to Slayer.

 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 40
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Posted: 3/5/2018 10:52:37 PM
Op
No to the "casual" sex. (Raised old school here)

While I understand if we're "just dating" he can do as he pleases--as can I.

However if I find what pleases him is sleeping around- that tells me all I need to know about any relationship we "were" having... and extra glad I didn't sleep with him!

Sex is more than "casual" to me and I want it to be to him as well.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 41
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Posted: 3/6/2018 6:05:52 AM
"Banging a chick while listening to Slayer."

>>>if he's Christian, its probably Stryper. Or maybe House of Lords (couldn't resist a local plug)

:)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 42
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/6/2018 6:21:32 AM


Or maybe House of Lords (couldn't resist a local plug)


Surprisingly, they're still around. They've had so many lineup changes over the years.

 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 43
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/6/2018 12:46:34 PM

It would sure be easier if more women out there respected themselves enough to do this.


2 single people having consensual sex outside a relationship isn't necessarily a bad thing. As mentioned earlier, it's about personal taste and the situation. Don't impose your values or make broad assumptions about other people that have a different viewpoint about sex.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 44
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Posted: 3/6/2018 2:49:23 PM

No to the "casual" sex. (Raised old school here)

On the topic of sex or not, old-school isn't necessarily a good school. Plenty of bad songs, old school. :)

While I understand if we're "just dating" he can do as he pleases--as can I.

But isn't that "casual" sex, if it's sex during "just dating"? I would think our "old school" grandmas would shake their finger at that one (but not two fingers; that would be new school).

However if I find what pleases him is sleeping around- that tells me all I need to know about any relationship we "were" having... and extra glad I didn't sleep with him!

Not if you came to find out already after "just dating". ;)

Sex is more than "casual" to me and I want it to be to him as well.

Well, if sex were just "casual", you wouldn't see guys being so horny. It'd be more like watching an afternoon baseball game to them. Or sex with their wife. Kidding (kinda).

In all seriousness, I would put casual sex as having sex with someone where the relationship between the two is casual (or less than casual). Clicking on date #1/#2/#3 would be having casual sex, when it's "just" date #1/#2/#3 in each other's eyes. Or having a FWB.

I don't think having a FWB (or even a fvck-buddy) = sleeping around. I think sleeping around would mean you're a serial dater who Does have casual sex on date #1/#2/#3 quite frequently.

Personally, I have no problem with "sleeping around", as long as said person plays it safe + doesn't lead the other on, when the other likes them more than they like them. But I can understand one not being a fan of it. Understandable.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 45
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Posted: 3/6/2018 4:21:10 PM
"Surprisingly, they're still around. They've had so many lineup changes over the years. "

>>>like the old saying, "we have George Washington's original hatchet he used to chop down that cherry tree. We replaced the handle twice, and the head three times, but otherwise, its all original". If browneyed is saying that engaging often in casual sex results in practicing the mindset, and practice makes perfect...I guess that's a thought. I am confused why its good for a woman that a fellow keep his mouth shut about what he's doing behind her back, tho. I'd rather know sooner, rather than later, someone isn't a good fit for me. I might be discouraged b/c it would be another decade before I find another someone who seems interested, but....:)

Norwegie does bring up a point about the serial dater. They may be serial monogamist, but they're still notching up the bedpost. I get that people want the partner they want, but back to learning quickly before you invest in them, whether they share you views on sex or not.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 46
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Posted: 3/6/2018 4:30:30 PM



Yes of course I meant to say casual but how is this sour-grapes lol that if funny.
How does it became a negative and how is being a Christiane make this sour-grapes?
Yes I don't have a lot of experience but no I don't want to have a negative mental affect on it that don't even make since. I am sure there is more to it then some one just being a virgin. Maybe you could say sex is different then just like the rest that comes with being in a relationship but there are a lot of people I have seen that have been in a long relationship and it ends and then before you know it they are already in another relationship or people that just bounce around from like relationship to relationship and not all of them are virgins. That sure looks like to me that people in general rush into relationship way to fast and part of jumping into relationships to fast can be having sex before you are ready or with the wrong person. Sure fells like people don't take enough time for things like sex and just relationships in general.

Ok that is true that it is easier said to say that when you don't have any one to like have sex with sure but I am in the state of mind that sex is suppose to be special and not something to rush into and should be something you do when you truly love the person. To me sex should come with love and with love should come marriage. Like I said being a guy I don't think about sex a lot but I think that is just a very guy thing to think about sex a lot. For me I think part of it is also because I have never done it I have thoughts wondering like what is sex like type of thing. While I do fell this way I cant say 100% that if I had someone who I could have sex with that I wouldn't do it has I have not had that kind of temptation before but what I can say is I am not the kind of person that would have sex with some one who I like just meet or didn't know that while. For me to fell comfortable enough to have sex with some one I would have to have been seeing them for a while and to really like them and to really trust them.

While I do think about sex like I said I don't think it is something to rush into and also there are things I am going to think about or care a lot more about then sex. I want a good relationship meaning someone who I can trust, someone who will be there for me in the bad times and good times, someone who I can talk to about any thing, someone who I can do things with such has go to the movies, go to dinner etc. Someone who I have things in common with I belive if you have those things sex will come in time and will be great
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 47
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/6/2018 7:21:49 PM
I've never had casual sex before. It doesn't mean I haven't been tempted because I have been. It's just that when it came down to it, if I like a guy enough to sleep with him, I want to pursue more than just sex.

I'm a 34-year-old woman who was raised in an era where casual sex was normal. That being said, along the way I realized that I have a moral compass that steers me away from the idea. While other girls could go home with guys at the club, I always just couldn't do it. My friends used to find my antics at the clubs and bars we went to in my late teens, early 20s, hilarius. I'd be hanging with a guy I'd just met, we'd end up making out outside but then suddenly I'd find a reason, even in my half-drunk state, to vamoose and leave him high and dry. I even made it to a guy's house twice but chickened out. Maybe it was because back then I was a virgin and I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about. Although, even after I wasn't anymore, I still did the same thing. Just could never go through with it. When I'd be drinking, my inhibitions would go away so I'd almost go all the way with a guy but then boom, when push came to shove I just couldn't go through with it. I'm a firm believer that you only do drunk what you want to do sober and don't have the guts to do when you are sober. And I didn't sleep with a stranger because honestly, I just didn't want to, didn't feel that it was the right thing to do.

Recently I did FWB with someone that wasn't interested in a relationship. However, I wanted more and I liked him enough to sleep with him on three different occasions. After the third time though, I just felt empty, like it wasn't good anymore because he didn't really want me, just the sex. Now I know I can't do FWB again.

Another guy I spend a few weeks talking to and when we met in person I realized I was not into him at all. But he had planned such a nice date that afterwards I decided to sleep with him because I didn't care about him, if that makes any sense. If I had really liked him, I wouldn't have slept with him for a couple more dates but not liking him, I thought I could just go for it because there was no emotional connection to him. I realized though that I felt empty afterwards. I guess the lesson I learned for myself is I can only sleep with someone I care about who I think cares about me too.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 48
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/7/2018 1:16:12 AM

How does it became a negative and how is being a Christiane make this sour-grapes?

It's not being Christian that makes it sour-grapes. A vast majority of church-going Christians, let alone just Christian, have sex well before marriage. A majority are going to do so when they're involved with someone, without getting married to them on their mind.

It's more being a Virgin at an older age + not being able to get "some" that makes it sour-grapes. But to be fair, I'm sure at this point, it's sort of a scary notion too.

For instance, an ex-gf of mine Way back in college was a Pretty virgin @23. She had a high-sex drive, masturbated twice a day, and we did everything except have sex (and often). She prided herself on it, and would mildly scoff at pretty girls at college or church for having sex with guys they'd date. I had to call her out on it. Why? She had nothing to "brag" about. The kicker: Her vagina was Abnormally Tight. Big-time super tight. Her gyno told her she had to start using it, otherwise it'd cause problems for the future. She couldn't even wear a tampon, and my pinky couldn't get in - lol. She had no room or reason to 'brag'.

While I do fell this way I cant say 100% that if I had someone who I could have sex with that I wouldn't do it has I have not had that kind of temptation before but what I can say is I am not the kind of person that would have sex with some one who I like just meet or didn't know that while.

Here's the thing though: It's not about having 1-night stands or someone on the 2nd date. But, it's about having sex with someone you're DatING, and not have been dating forever either. Like dates themselves, we need to shed our comfort zone. There are a number of guys like you -- all that Xian or not -- with no opportunities or sexual experiences, but they tend to be 16-20.

It's weird, awkward, a "big deal". But it's not like you go from striking out at the plate with a girl yet-again to one day hitting a grand slam. You'll hit a single many times, and then with another girl, move to 2nd base... then after some time, move to 3rd base. This Natural NORMAL human experience that you do lack will help Shape your comfort-zone.

It's good you don't pine over it, frustrated, etc. But at the same time, you should move to improve to be Able to get sexual interaction (kissing=sexual interaction). Baby steps with an open mind, man. :)
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 49
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Posted: 3/7/2018 3:23:32 AM
i've done this. it probably doesn't even make sense to do it because why not have sex with who you're dating, right? but a lot of guys pretend they want to date just to get sex, so for me personally at least i know where i am with guys and don't end up being lied to or used just because someone is fine with disrespecting me.

i can understand why genuine guys might find this confusing. it kind of looks like we're rejecting you(r c*ck) for someone else(s).

most people have a basic need for sex, it doesn't take any investing in someone else to get that sex, all it takes is objectification on both sides. but effort and devotion is needed for a relationship, and that's where we are investing ourselves. there is a difference.

and no, i'd have no problem if someone else was doing this to me. if your infatuation over someone else comes from withholding your own desires and expecting one person to fulfil them then you're likely to be disappointed, or probably have really low standards. but once commitment is there then i agree you should drop other people if you want a monogamous relationship.

i'd say the only drawback to mixing casual sex and dating is guys don't get that women who like casual sex, when not in a relationship, want to date and have a relationship. and the amount of people who don't get each thing is different and think women who like sex have no standards or morals makes me laugh. i'm single, i'll do what i want until i find someone worth compromising for and i definitely won't settle coz i know i don't have to.
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 50
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/7/2018 3:39:35 AM
Where I'm at the christians are the main ones cavorting around after judging you. I'm all for having faith and a belief, but after living in what is considered "the bible belt" and observing much of what I have. I don't believe that being christian makes one do right.

On another note to the poster that stated "honesty is the best policy" regarding someone being transparent, I agree, but for me where it was insulting was that particular guy whom I had chemistry with - was presuming that I was like the rest of the females that he's encountered that would enjoy being a part of a rotation in their potential std-fest. The lesson for me is once I see the complacency, tell-tale signs of a player-type, block all contact.

I'm reading many of the responses and many have good input. I think for many where the lines gets blurred is that sex has become so casual that there's a shorter window where some are even expecting some type of sex and most don't want to take the time to let you get to know them and vice versa. I mean sex is easy and most can get it damn near anytime, so many don't want to wait. I've heard this over and over and over with many other women in their plight of trying to get to know a guy before he starts making moves to have sex or even pressing for sex.

I've dealt with that bs many times, where you're trying to get to know the guy, about a month in they're kind of getting impatient and acting like you should already be having sex. I won't even get into the one guy that I dated from the site making stupid remarks of trying to say that if I didn't choose him, I'd end up dealing with some guy with stds based on where I'm at. ??
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