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 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 76
Casual sex and dating...Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't think women are actually more "open" to casual sex nowadays, more like settling for sex when what they really want is love. Sex is one of the easiest ways to get male attention and for someone with low self-esteem and low self-respect, they'll tie their worth into what's between their legs. All we hear about are the Samanthas from Sex and the City....trust, most highly promiscuous women are NOT like that fictional character.

Being that casual sex is correlated with depression among young women, women receive the short end of the stick in that bargain.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 77
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 10:49:18 AM

I've never met a woman with deep and enduring love for herself who risked pregnancy and disease to have meaningless sex with some random guy she just met. The risk for what is most likely going to be bad sex is simply too big.


I'm sure there are SOME women that have casual sex or FWBs because they have low self esteem or they have depression. But not all women and situations are the same. Don't make assumptions people that have a different viewpoint about casual sex or FWBs.

Women (and men) can have casual/FWB relationships due to some combination of the following reasons.

1. They were recently divorced or ended a long term relationship and didn't want another serious relationship right away.
2. They didn't want to invest time and energy into a serious relationship because of other things going in their life.
3. Both people liked each other. But there were certain differences in lifestyles or beliefs that would probably prevent a serious relationship from working out in the long term.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 78
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 11:04:10 AM
There is also a difference between a woman that had occasional casual sex (like myself) and a woman that is highly promiscuous. It's the latter group that is probably more likely to have problems with self esteem and depression.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 79
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 11:27:39 AM

76 Being that casual sex is correlated with depression among young women, women receive the short end of the stick in that bargain.

Really?

None of the four studies found a significant difference between males and females. Prior to this research, it was generally assumed that the psychological wellbeing of women was more likely to be negatively impacted by casual sex than that of men, primarily because the potential consequences (social shaming, feeling used/abused, pregnancy, etc.) would seem to be much higher. Nevertheless, the findings of each study were consistent by gender.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201506/what-are-the-psychological-effects-casual-sex
 prettybrwneyedone
Joined: 6/1/2017
Msg: 80
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 12:46:12 PM

[if we're "just dating" ..."But isn't that "casual" sex, ]


I think people have misconstrued "dating" and now it's thrown around in many mostly sex situations. Dating, was supposed to be the phase where people were getting to know one another to assess compatibility and what both people wanted. Yes, I know sex happens often, but I've seen many say "they were dating someone" when it was purely a sexual situation, in which I wonder if they'd feel funny in saying "we're buddies, fk'n, hooking up, whatever they want to say to make it sound cute,", but it's less about dating and more about the sex in many of those situations.

And, that's also why people don't have to date to have sex, because casual sex is rampant.


Being that casual sex is correlated with depression among young women, women receive the short end of the stick in that bargain.


I've heard that in a few of my psychology classes as well. It makes you wonder how many people are walking around wounded and depressed and trying to self-medicate by looking for a fix in someone else by being open to casual sex.


I've never met a woman with deep and enduring love for herself who risked pregnancy and disease to have meaningless sex with some random guy she just met. The risk for what is most likely going to be bad sex is simply too big.


Apparently, it's pretty common where I'm at, because the STD rate is ridiculously high according to the stats, and also much of what my nurse mentioned during my physical - many females here will risk having unprotected sex. Not to mention the story she shared with me about another patient inquiring about condom use for oral sex. She told the nurse that the condoms don't fit her tongue. I can't make this up. 🙄
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 81
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 1:25:22 PM
It sounds like a competition almost. For those stating that they wouldn't enter a situation where he is already taking care of his business.........I don't know, I admire people who are resourceful. When things are being care of, it takes off the pressure. After all, isn't that why some men masturbate before going on a date? because if you eliminate the tension, you can focus on your date instead of just your date's pants.

I think there is something genuine about taking care of yourself and not burdening other people with it. Yes, it almost eliminates the incentive of building a relationship with someone else, but if you're going on dates, it means you haven't yet found the whole package, someone who can not only fulfill you sexually, but in all other ways you are seeking.

Isn't there something honerably about someone pursuing you because they want you, not need you?

Some people don't have the capacity to be in a relationship, but have the desire to be intimate with someone from time to time, so that is what they seek.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 82
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 3:54:18 PM
and why can't some women just have sex because they like sex?
yeah there's plenty of people i know want relationships and aren't in one so happy to have promiscuous sex until someone comes along, some are unhappy about the compromise, but i also know people who don't want a relationship at all but are happy with buddies.

only problem i see is when anyone lies to get sex.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 83
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 4:30:48 PM

I've never met a woman with deep and enduring love for herself who risked pregnancy and disease to have meaningless sex with some random guy she just met.

Having sex with "a random" girl or guy they Just met also means meeting itself was random... like you're at a bar/party/event, mingling around, then say "Hey, let's bang in my car." Sure, chances are much higher they have at least some issues if it's on that far-end version of 'random'. But there's a Huge gap between that and still merely not being in a Relationship. And we all know a candle-lit bedroom and love for one another isn't a requirement for sex itself to have any meaning. Far from it.

Plenty of gals had a good self-esteem + had sex on Spring Break in college, or had sexual relations on date #1/#2/#3 with someone they were clicking really well with, before any dating-relationship took hold... or even with someone where they're not chasing to be in a relationship with and one didn't end up formulating.

Many who Do have emotional issues are the those who hiss at those situations. The only Real problem is when it's one's "schtick", not that given enough time single that said things will happen sometimes from the non-uptight types.

I don't think women are actually more "open" to casual sex nowadays, more like settling for sex when what they really want is love.

Funny thing is, an analyis was done on this... Surprisingly, despite what most think, and there being more open communication to the opp-sex outside one's neighborhood thanks to Facebook & the internet -- the # of those one slept with on average for Millenials is Lower than previous Generation X. Many are like "Huh? That can't be true!" Again, it's the average #. Why? For much the same reason we tend to be sitting-around too much with our phone these days. What seems to happen is that gals are getting sufficient male attention via IM/texting guys, not having to do so in person -- where one's in position to hastily hook-up.

Sex is one of the easiest ways to get male attention and for someone with low self-esteem and low self-respect

Well, we get the attention prior to anything sexual (kissing or more), otherwise the sexual actions wouldn't had. It's the optional immediate follow-thru after attention established, right? Instead of maybe just kissing, then texting day to day, and going out on a 2-3 dates and Then truly fooling around -- some will "put out" hours after the initial greeting. I think when a gal has a low self-esteem, she'll do that where it wasn't "that one time" type of situation, but more of a "that's how I roll".

Being that casual sex is correlated with depression among young women, women receive the short end of the stick in that bargain.

I think the odd thing is, a good portion of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Driven By women, too. It's the concept that if you sleep with someone too quickly, you're a (scoff) "ho". Sure, jealous guys fuel that, but jealous women fuel much of that.

So if the people label something in their culture as "bad" that makes you a "bad person" -- where it's natural -- it Will have a negative impact on someone when they do take that action. Even if they're more independently minded than the next person.

And let's be honest -- it doesn't have to deal with pregnancy (easily avoidable Now), or potential infections. Say in the future we a one-pill cure or block of all infections. Would the theme suddenly be lifted? Of course not. It doesn't stem from that. That's a (phew) reason to heed them from having "meaningless" aka "fun" sexual relations with non-BF/GFs. IMO, I think hidden underneath it all, it stems from Jealousy + natural safety mindset for one's offspring.
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 84
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 8:48:59 AM

If you haven't experimented with something, how do you know its bad?


Casual Sex with "Just any and all men" I choose that's willing?
"Sounds Great!" Sign me up!

Eagerly standing in line "quill and ink pot in hand" pauses...(Old School taught me to always read Ye Olde Contract.) hmm... what does that disclaimer say?
...and why is that such small print? "Puts on spectacles."

Casual Sex:

Does not guarantee Great Sex, Relationships, Marriage, or Love.
...but possible delusions of them.

May cause-- Unwanted pregnancy along with STDS. Getting pumped and dumped. No knowledge of who baby daddy is. Child wanting to know who daddy is. (Issues child deals with later because of it.) STD passed to child from pregnancy. Struggling single parent.

May cause Abortion.

May cause-- Baby daddy/mommy (whether or not despicable to you) --to be in your life forever. (Read this in "Ye Olde Marriage Contract as well) :)

STDS: Some curable- others not. STDS may be passed to next person. Perhaps ruining their life.

May cause child support payments.

May cause Jerry Springer Shows.

List goes on, but I've read enough -No need to keep the ones behind me "Impatiently waiting to Sign!" on hold.

Next!


it might behoove you to expand your horizons


In this case "Old School" has served me well. I don't "have to have" casual sex to understand the consequences if so called "safe sex" wasn't so "safe" after all! (As well as a night of unbridled passion etc.) ... but hey, I'll take another look outside.

"Ah. Breaths fresh air."

Notices that the "Grass does indeed look Greener" on the other side!

Goes to take a closer inspection.
Puts on spectacles.

... and discovers it's nothing more than "Astro Turf!"

hmm...
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 85
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 11:27:59 AM
I suspect a great many people have engaged in safe casual sex.
I mean, even being in a relationship, you can have mishaps with
birth control and become pregnant.

Casual sex also doesn't necessarily mean you have sex with anyone
and everyone every day of the week. Casual sex to me, is sex without
a relationship, strings, or expectations. And sometimes, there's nothing
wrong with that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex between
two consenting adults, as long as they do it safely.

Relationships, even marriages, do not guarantee people will
not suffer through your endless list above.

Interesting visuals you presented by the way.
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 86
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 11:31:02 AM

list goes on


I forgot one.

May cause -but not limited to said others: "husband/wife," "baby grampa/ma," "boy/girl friend" to put their ye olde foot up yer ye olde arse!
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 87
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 11:39:19 AM
[even being in a relationship, you can have mishaps with
birth control and become pregnant.

Yes they can.


I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex between
two consenting adults, as long as they do it safely.

To that I say "To each their own."


Relationships, even marriages, do not guarantee people will
not suffer through your endless list above.


Can't argue the point but I was having fun with it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 88
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 12:56:56 PM

Casual Sex with "Just any and all men" I choose that's willing?
"Sounds Great!" Sign me up!

Nobody's propagating that.

Casual Sex:

Does not guarantee Great Sex, Relationships, Marriage, or Love.
...but possible delusions of them.

May cause-- Unwanted pregnancy along with STDS. Getting pumped and dumped. No knowledge of who baby daddy is. Child wanting to know who daddy is. (Issues child deals with later because of it.) STD passed to child from pregnancy. Struggling single parent.

May cause Abortion.

... and more. Here's the thing. Let's just cut to the chase: It's easy for an individual not to get pregnant. We all know that. But some of us Want that to be a problem as much as possible. As with infections. Why? Because the Concept of sex not being wrapped up in a blanket of "Love" is The thing unwanted. It's what mama doesn't like.

It's a cultural no-no underneath it all, being the reason why one doesn't like it. And hate to break it to ya -- sex while just-dating is casual sex. There may or may not be a crush by one of the individuals, but there is no actual Love and has All the "beware of" signs you tout. So you can't have sex with a guy you're just-dating. :)
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 89
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:09:09 PM

Casual sex to me, is sex without
a relationship, strings, or expectations. And sometimes, there's nothing
wrong with that.


I'll go as far as saying there's never anything wrong with it. Religion is the root of sexual guilt, and religion can go f*ck itself.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 90
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:27:00 PM

I'll go as far as saying there's never anything wrong with it. Religion is the root of sexual guilt, and religion can go f*ck itself.


+1
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 91
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 2:26:18 PM

Casual sex also doesn't necessarily mean you have sex with anyone
and everyone every day of the week. Casual sex to me, is sex without
a relationship, strings, or expectations. And sometimes, there's nothing
wrong with that.

I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex between
two consenting adults, as long as they do it safely.


Agreed. I will also add the caveat that both people are honest with their intentions and aren't trying to lead the other person on.


Relationships, even marriages, do not guarantee people will
not suffer through your endless list above.


Also agree. Unwanted pregnancy, STDs, baby mama drama, the other parent not supporting the child etc can and do happen when a couple was married or in a relationship.
 MsSkeezix
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 92
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 2:35:41 PM
browneyesboo wrote in part:
Casual sex to me, is sex without
a relationship, strings, or expectations.


I pretty much agree, BUT---If I find a guy who revs me up enough to have a sex only fling with, I expect it to be good sex. So yes, I would have 'expectations'<<<
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 93
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 3:54:38 PM

Religion is the root of sexual guilt, and religion can go f*ck itself

I'm assuming this statement is why you didn't call yourself ThePopeOfYourDreams
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 94
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 4:35:45 PM

I'm assuming this statement is why you didn't call yourself ThePopeOfYourDreams


I would not rule out dressing as the Pope for certain role-playing situations.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 95
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 5:03:14 PM
Makes me wonder how many women own a nun costume
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 96
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 6:31:03 PM
I know of three off the top of my head who have latex ones.

 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 97
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 6:43:22 PM
I was taught grade 1 by a nun. She'd be in her 70's now which to me would make her a cougar.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 98
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Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 8:42:39 PM

TPOYD
I'll go as far as saying there's never anything wrong with it. Religion is the root of sexual guilt, and religion can go f*ck itself.


Belleatrix
+1

+2

browneyesboo
I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex between
two consenting adults, as long as they do it safely.

Another +1

NG456
And let's be honest -- it doesn't have to deal with pregnancy (easily avoidable Now), or potential infections. Say in the future we a one-pill cure or block of all infections. Would the theme suddenly be lifted? Of course not. It doesn't stem from that. That's a (phew) reason to heed them from having "meaningless" aka "fun" sexual relations with non-BF/GFs. IMO, I think hidden underneath it all, it stems from Jealousy + natural safety mindset for one's offspring.

You have hit upon something that I consider one of the real underlying problems here. Women (many – most?) can be very jealous of seeing other women (better looking women?) going out and having fun with men while they are sitting home wishing the phone would ring. So they call these women who are getting attention from men names. Names like “whores” and “easy” and other demeaning prejudicial terms.

A lot of the problems caused by the religious ninnys are due to jealousy. Fear that other people are having fun while they’re not.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 99
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 9:04:51 PM

A lot of the problems caused by the religious ninnys are due to jealousy.


I've had a few people disagree with me on the root of sexual guilt being religion with the claim of "but I didn't grow up in a religious household". It doesn't matter. The influence can and does come from outside of a household.
 afinewineandyou
Joined: 12/1/2017
Msg: 100
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History
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/13/2018 7:15:17 AM

Casual sex also doesn't necessarily mean you have sex with anyone and everyone every day of the week.


I have a few minutes and wanted to take the time to clarify my post.
I didn't mean it "that way" -- nor would I ever (knowingly) suggest it.
--but I can see how easily what I said could be taken that way.
Poor wording phrase on my part. I'm sorry about that one.


I don't think there's anything wrong with casual sex between
two consenting adults, as long as they do it safely.
To that I say "To each their own."[\quote]

I meant that in the sense of -I know people who have sex on dates -as well as those with relationships. We are friends. I respect their right to their decision and they respect mine.
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