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 Cynderella
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 51
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Are you lonely?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Loneliness is a state of mind.
You can be in a crowd and still be alone.
I feel loneliness at times when I wish I had a partner and then there are times I embrace my space.
 Bigjerk
Joined: 8/14/2013
Msg: 52
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 4:50:02 AM
Somebody pointed me to join POF to find a nice lady but I joined pof in my town I found out after meeting these women on line they lived in different states or they want me to send them money or they just hustlers so I just stop talking to these women on pof and went back to church met them in real life so good luck with POF
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 53
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 6:05:34 AM
Sounds like many of us will become those annoying old people that talk our legs off when we listen to them.

I could claim that I have few friends. That isn't so. My customers become my friends. Many keep calling me back for more work, and in turn, I find out about their personal lives. I find myself giving more, and charging less, just because I'll stand there and shoot the breeze with them. And why not? They get in a lurch, some disaster hits them. I'm standing there, willing to lend a hand. They know that I will. They aren't friends in the normal sense, but I know they'd lend a hand to me if I needed it.

A friend is what you do with them.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 54
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 8:54:39 AM
To Rise Above This, the boredom should dissipate once the spring comes. You like working outdoors and even if you don't want to be around people, find something that gets you outdoors every day. A lot of people tend to get depressed from January to March due to lack of warmth, lack of fresh air and lack of vitamin D. I'm looking forward to the smell of the spring melt, always makes me happy to leave the winter behind.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 55
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 9:00:48 AM

I learned to accept my life as it is


...... I know this is easy to say, although much harder to do. I truly wish for you, to be able to rise above these major obstacles, you are presented with now. Could I do it ? I can' t answer that question. I hope I could do as well as you have :)

..... Those of us who enjoy a relatively stress free existence, don't really know how we'd react in your difficult circumstances. You can and should be, proud of yourself . Although a cliché - I often have told my daughter, who suffers from depression ~ There are MANY people in this world, in much worse conditions then you . They somehow, find strength & embrace the gift of life. You can do this as well, and I'm here to help you.

..... An appropriate name, rise above this > I respect and admire you, hoping the best ~ your way !
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 56
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 11:47:50 AM
Backcreek7, I did see the message you wrote to me. Thank you!

I have found the replies people have posted to this thread rather enlightening. I'm amazed and inspired by the many people who have found contentment despite singledom on here.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 57
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 12:32:59 PM

Posted By: ohenryx on 3/23/2018 517 PM
Subject: Are you lonely?
Message:
MachIMustangII
retirement is an odd thing. I retired at 43, and have to say, love the time alone. I listen to the tales of woe from others, and love that I don't have the "simple" problems they have. a grain of sand in your shoe isn't a problem in the first few steps...but its agony after the first hundred.

I understand those who hate retirement, and go find something to do. I also understand those who go, "its MY time now, dammit!".

I retired at 52, was retired for about 7 years, and have been back at work for the last 7+ years. For me, personally, I seem to do better with a job. I am very good at what I do, I get a lot of appreciation from the people that I help, and it just seems to give structure and meaning to my life.


I have been retired since I was 46. When I was 49 I meet my 2nd wife.When she asked me what I did for a living I told her I was retired and she looked at me with a frown and said "Yeah right,you mean you're unemployed,don't you?"
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 58
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 3:37:17 PM
"she described what basically sounded to me like cliques from junior high. Now the average age of people in that building is like 85 and I'd heard reports from other residents how bad it was but it still shocks me that adults at that age can still be so awful to one another."

>>>it is amazing that elderly humans return to high-school-like mindsets. Maybe cliques are just in our human nature as social animals. But its disheartening to think in all our lives, we spend little of it not acting like children.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 59
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 3:49:15 PM
Mustang, foolishness can take you through a range of emotions. That can put a spark in one's life. You don't want to be at the same comfort level all the time. That's not interesting☺ I've heard people say to have kids so they can take care of you. You'll be okay though. Just pay someone for your care.

I'm not lonely. Even though I've not been very social this year. My endorphin level rises by my
interacting with my dog, and looking out my ceiling to floor livingroom windows at the critters I feed, like my hummingbirds. I think all this life around me creates happiness, and that wards off loneliness. I feel content.

I get not being able to talk with someone you can relate to since my gf moved, but we text often and talk on the phone. I'm a pretty open person with everyone. When you're like that, it can release another side to friends to also be more open to talking about things that are important to you.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 60
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/24/2018 11:00:19 PM
6

I am surprised you are lonely when you have a mother and family around. I have none of that.

The reason I posted was to show that being alone and loneliness have nothing to do with each other. Mine is an extreme example of being alone but not lonely where as julystorm indicated by describing her workplace that loneliness can exist even though someone is surrounded by people. This the reason why.

19

I spent too long trying to fix him and something I haven't told anyone is there were no many days I wished he just died.

Dealing with depression helped me overcome loneliness long ago so I can imagine how lonely you must have felt back then. Of course your other emotions were interacting with loneliness when this thought began to occur. Those who posted about their loneliness gave reasons for it and how they deal with it. For some loneliness is unidentifiable and because of this I think it's doubtful someone will post that they didn't realise they were lonely. (except for maybe a troll who reads this) Not being able to recognise loneliness usually means they're not dealing with it which could lead to them thinking thoughts like you shared though they may be far darker.

54

A lot of people tend to get depressed from January to March

The worst time for me is mid-December to the end of January so I take holidays in January. Honestly who wants to be around a miserable old man. This time, the beginning of December till now. I think since then I've posted more than I've posted in the previous 7 years. Only when my depression begins to affect me do I even bother to come to the forums.

It's not that i don't want to be around people it's my anxiety that keeps me from physically interacting with them other than work. My doctor doesn't even know my med stopped working and I stay home all the time. If he knew he'd just push another pill thus making me a guinea pig. Think drugs advertised on tv.

55

Although a cliché - I often have told my daughter, who suffers from depression ~ There are MANY people in this world, in much worse conditions then you

Thank you backcreek7 for your kind words. Actually I used that cliche when depression first kicked in to help sustain myself. The internet of course allowed me to find a variety of ways to cope with it. May I ask the cause of your daughters depression, how she has dealt with it and if it has affected her life adversely?
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 61
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 9:00:28 AM
.... thank you for replying rise ( hugs )

.... I think my daughters depression is hereditary, as my mothers condition became visible towards the very end of her life. Back then, they didn't have the sometimes helpful, medications they do today. I feel bad, knowing my mom suffered - keeping it all inside - thinking it was just " her problem ".

With my daughter, the problem is major anxiety often, the outcome being general depression and panic attacks. These can occur when she is faced with lives sudden situations and sad moments, as well as normal day to day routine.
She is on medication, and this helps quite a bit - thank goodness ! I am just so thankful , I have her - she's truly my best friend.

.... I'm not what you call a " people" person, although I have excellent communication skills. I shy away from individuals, as well as large groups. I'm not complaining, I love and am very thankful for all that has occurred in my life ( thank you parents & great country !!! ) In my case, I seem to panic "momentarily" at times when faced with any kind of sudden, stressful situation. Lord knows, there are enough of them to go around, col ( chuckle out loud ) This happens with my work every now and then, when a critical situation arises. I've learned to accept this condition, knowing it is a part of me. In addition I find, I'm very good at handling & solving the problems - once I'm over the initial shock.

Enough about me, it is people like you that garner all of my respect. I am so much hoping, your life will become better!
I appreciate you & all you've been through ... hang tight & know your a good person !

heart / sun

....
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 62
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 9:24:53 AM
You are probably right about it being hereditary while mine, I have only myself to blame, abuse of drugs when I was young and knew everything. I'm glad that they have found the right medications for her because they can only guess as to what med or or combination of meds might help someone.

As for your condition there's probably a name for it but as you say you've accepted it and deal with it so why take it any further. I say this because

"Previous widely cited large-scale surveys in the US were the Epidemiological Catchment Area (ECA) survey and subsequent National Comorbidity Survey (NCS).[11] The NCS was replicated and updated between 2000 and 2003 and indicated that, of those groups of disorders assessed, nearly half of Americans (46.4%) reported meeting criteria at some point in their life for either a DSM-IV anxiety disorder (28.8%), mood disorder (20.8%), impulse-control disorder (24.8%) or substance use disorders (14.6%)."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_mental_disorders

Reminds me of the song "Mama We're All Crazy Now." Which can be applied to many of posters I guess.

Thank you for your thoughts and your meaningful posts elsewhere
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 63
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 9:26:10 AM
You are probably right about it being hereditary while mine, I have only myself to blame, abuse of drugs when I was young and knew everything. I'm glad that they have found the right medications for her because they can only guess as to what med or or combination of meds might help someone.

As for your condition there's probably a name for it but as you say you've accepted it and deal with it so why take it any further. I say this because

"Previous widely cited large-scale surveys in the US were the Epidemiological Catchment Area (ECA) survey and subsequent National Comorbidity Survey (NCS).[11] The NCS was replicated and updated between 2000 and 2003 and indicated that, of those groups of disorders assessed, nearly half of Americans (46.4%) reported meeting criteria at some point in their life for either a DSM-IV anxiety disorder (28.8%), mood disorder (20.8%), impulse-control disorder (24.8%) or substance use disorders (14.6%)."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prevalence_of_mental_disorders

Reminds me of the song "Mama We're All Crazy Now." Which I guess, can be applied to many of us posters.

Thank you for your thoughts and your meaningful posts elsewhere
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 64
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 10:26:44 AM
Cinnamon__Girl_
I am a hospice nurse- and I often work as the only nurse on my shift.
I think having to be so supportive, giving, and caring- night after night- when there is no one to support, care for, or give to me has increased my loneliness exponentially.

and Ohenryx
That is one of those jobs that I’m not at all sure I could do. My mother spent several months in a hospice, and I want to say to all who do that seemingly impossible work – “Thank you”.

Same for me, my late hubby was on Hospice for just six weeks till his passing. I bout cried when those same Nurses attended his Memorial Service.
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 65
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 10:42:16 AM
To answer the question seriously, no, I don't get lonely. So much of my life has been very loud, noisy, surrounded by people, and up until a few years ago, I was going out 5 nights a week. So, these days, solitude feels rather orgasmic.
 sundress1
Joined: 10/29/2017
Msg: 66
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 1:02:44 PM
Depends on my mood. Sometimes I was lonely and wished I was in a relationship when I was single. But more often than not I was okay with I was single.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 67
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/25/2018 7:49:01 PM
It's said the people of Okinawa are long-lived with low incidence of depression, because they're social and exercise by riding their bikes around the island.

Texas, what a hard job! God bless hospice workers! I know a woman that does hospice for dogs. She's a wonderful woman. I don't know how she does it. She's taking in pets at the end of their life when the owners can't be bothered.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 68
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 7:01:32 AM
"You'll be okay though. Just pay someone for your care."

>>>the problem is, in the five years I took care of my parents, I saw too much half-assedness. I could type out long stories, but I've already mentioned a few, my father's doctor who forgot about his aneurysm for a decade, home aids who lied about what they could do so they could get the job, hospitals who wanted to put my parents on machines claiming that DNRs are very vague, and then nightmares like this

https://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/01/25/avoiding-surgery-in-the-elderly/

but, that's something i'll worry about later. still, I can see why someone elderly who falls often, can be afraid of being alone. I was told that's why elderly skip showers, to avoid the slippery surfaces.

" So much of my life has been very loud, noisy, surrounded by people, and up until a few years ago, I was going out 5 nights a week. So, these days, solitude feels rather orgasmic. "

>>>that's a valid point. after a long winter, i'm marking up the summer months of the calendar with every car show listing I can find. But by July, i'm liking the solitude of staying home in the AC :)

what the heck, we're just never happy with anything for too long :)
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 69
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 7:44:30 AM
Many years ago I enjoyed being single and independent. And when I was in a long-term relationship I missed my independence a lot. Now that I'm a single mother with 3 kids I think I definitely hate being alone. When I had a partner I had more freedom, breaks that I no longer get. I could go for a bike ride or cross-country ski run on my own. I could plan a camping trip and the kids' dad could take them for a walk while I made the meal, I didn't have to make every meal, take them to every activity, I could grocery shop without them. I could go to see a friend for coffee. Now I do 100% of the parenting, there's no time to go out for a half an hour to do this or that. Before it was like 80% of the time I wasn't working that I had the kids but the 20% I got off was nice.

My mom or brother or sister-in-law used to babysit the kids more when I wanted to do recreational things. Now that the kid's dad is out of the picture, I've had to ask my family members to babysit often when I've been working so I hesitate to ask them to babysit just so I can go out on my own. I think they are getting annoyed at watching my kids so much now as it is but with all my shift work at varying hours evenings, days, nights, weekends, I need their help and they know that. I pay babysitters lots to to babysit when I'm at work too and I pay so much for that I can't justify paying more just so I can go out for non-work reasons. There's a 2-day work conference I really wanted to attend in May and I even went as far as to ask the kids' other set of grandparents but they won't take the kids overnight. My mom said no because it's a non-compulsory work conference and she might have plans. So I just have to accept that there's a lot of things I miss out on. When my kids' dad and I first split up, for the first 4 months, he was taking them a lot but it slowly got to be less and less until finally he left the province and now he's hiding so I'm wondering how it'll be in the summer when the two older kids are out of school with much higher childcare costs and more time for me with all 3 kids. The idea of dating has of course disappeared and I had actually gotten a lot of enjoyment from it the brief time I got to do it. So I am thinking my loneliness is going to be long-term. And let me be clear, it's not that I want a substitute dad for my kids, that's not it at all. I just looked forward to kid free adult time which is now non-existant. That's why I've been coming on this forum a lot.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 70
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 2:35:58 PM
Only one solution
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7vLzfprLNY
 ThePigOfYourDreams
Joined: 6/30/2017
Msg: 71
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 3:17:24 PM

what the heck, we're just never happy with anything for too long :)


I was fine with it a lot of my adult life until 2013 and I took a break, then got into a relationship. When it ended, I went back to the going out 5 nights a week routine again. I still go out on the weekends and the occasional weeknight, but I'm fairly certain I'm done with the marathon shit for good.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 72
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 3:32:22 PM
when I was young and living alone in a bungalow out in the country, going out often to find a date was frustrating (b/c it didn't work), but at least now I can look back and reminisce about things like clubbing until the early hours and grabbing breakfast in some 24 hr diner somewhere. I can see youtube videos about it like KM music or whatever and think, "Well, I was living life like most people, I did my part" (And its fun when some BS artist tries to tell a story about their past, and you realize your real life was at least as good or better). Now that I don't go out that often, its a relief that i'm not chasing like a dog running and barking after cars :) Maybe that's part of the whole "growing old gracefully" routine. I go out when its worth going out.

(I still remember coworkers who would hate, "you just went to watch Marshall Tucker at the casino b/c it was free!" and i'd think, no, I went b/c sitting at home and drinking at our age is lame)

Marathon social lives are great for when you have the energy. I couldn't imagine sitting at home with all that youthful energy. men my age will talk about going on testosterone to lose weight, etc, and I wonder how much that returns them to the "gerbil treadmill wheel". As empty nesters, they may be able to have that schedule. Tho....I wouldn't mind once in a while having someone to go clubbing with. I'd hate being the oldest couple there (I remember looking at them when I was younger and wondering WTF :) ), but you dress well, a good DJ is a bit like going to catch a live band (wouldn't mind something like a DeadMau5 level event), so you get all the vibe that comes with live music, and if you can dance well (Watching a YT tutorial on how to do shuffle and running man, geez, my knees really love that one) then you get to keep up with the crowd. its silly to like this, but its fun. if someone had an indoor stunt track for mountain bikes and had music playing inside it, I guess it would be the same idea--get out in front of people, and be part of the 80% percentile and keep up.

Its not the activity itself that's evil, its the reasons and lack of results that drives one nuts. and its nice to be free of them. Its nice to be a peac0ck who spreads its feathers NOT to get laid, but just for the fun of spreading its feathers once in a while. I don't promote "competing with the Joneses", but sometimes its fun to look over and realize you're doing ok in comparison :)

on the flip side, went to the dentist for a cleaning, and she was a lean left hander, so there was a lot of leaning--I could feel her stomach grumble since it was a lunchtime appointment. its still nice to be touched, even if I am getting my gums picked :)
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 3/23/2018
Msg: 73
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/26/2018 4:51:24 PM
Sometimes I get lonely, but in my experience a little loneliness is easier to deal with than being with somebody who you fon’t really want to be with.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 74
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/27/2018 9:52:59 AM

Only one solution
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7vLzfprLNY allows you to quote a previous post.


ROTFL 🤣
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 75
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Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/27/2018 4:00:12 PM
Julystorm, what about friends? I used to love looking after my friends' children. I never wanted my own but that time with my friends' children was pretty sacred to me. I didn't even mind the times I was peed or thrown up on :-). You need time for yourself. Three children is a lot, in my opinion and a little you time can mean a lot. Don't be shy to ask friends for help.
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