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 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 76
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Fertility MattersPage 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Maybe your future boyfriend will get his tubes tied so you don't have to go through all this
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 77
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/18/2018 11:17:40 AM
I think women are generally more interested in having children than men.

Ultimately, you have to do what's right for you.

A good man will love your kids as if they were your own - and they will grow to love him. Food for thought.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 78
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 12:05:37 AM
Oh, I know.

I'm living at my mom's due to not being able to find housing, not necessarily affordability. There's been a few places that have come up that I can afford but the competition was intense and I didn't get picked. I'm also worried about having to get a lawyer if I can't get custody figured out on my own. Until the legal stuff can get figured I need to hang tight. I also feel safer living at my mom's and near my brothers. I can find housing a half hour away easily but I'm trying to give my kids stability by living at Grandma's, staying in the same school and I'm paying off debt more quickly. I'm trying to set us up better for the long term.

I don't want people here to think I'm eager to jump in to another relationship and settle down and have more kids because I'm not. I'm actually pretty afraid of getting stuck in another bad relationship and that'll hold me back from going for anything for a while. I just have these little bouts of loneliness at times and I get to thinking about sex way too much these days. Is it my age that I want to have sex so badly? Because it has been said that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s. I'm trying to figure out a way I which I can go about things in a way that'll make me happy. I'd like to date for sex but not for a long-term relationship but it has to be someone I like and am comfortable with who doesn't mind not getting serious.

I do want a relationship again one day, after I get the legal, mental, financial and residential stuff figured out. And I don't want to be 50 before I do it. But I do remain cognizant of the fact that fertility can be a very big issue in a future relationship and I need to stay aware of that fact. When I finally am ready to pursue something serious, I want to keep my options open.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 79
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 4:24:31 AM
^^^
There are lots of more recent studies than the Kinsey studies. Here is a very short article on a study that should put your mind at ease a bit.
http://helloflo.com/do-women-even-have-a-sexual-peak/

Also keep in mind that we are all different. I will be 52 the first week in June. I have not even shown any signs of perimenopause. As I type this I have a heating pad on my tummy and am eating a piece (piece being VERY loosely defined) of chocolate cake. When I take a general poll of my female friends I find that peaks and valleys are different for all of us. Don't think that because someone says you are beyond your peak or your "best years are behind you" that they have any idea in the Sam Hill what they are talking about. They most likely do not.
 Braylen99
Joined: 4/19/2018
Msg: 80
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 5:03:16 AM
Like i said in another thread, menipause takes women to extremes. Very hot or very cold. My ex was hell on wheels after 50. She took the best years from me.

We tried antidepressants, hypnosis and pot but sadly none worked. The caretaker part of her personlity vaporized.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 81
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 5:15:23 AM
Why are you not wanting to get serious?
I think it's very risky and counter intuitive to have casual sex or fwb if you don't want to get pregnant.
Atleast in a relationship you have love, stability and support.
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 5:57:07 AM

Why are you not wanting to get serious?
I think it's very risky and counter intuitive to have casual sex or fwb if you don't want to get pregnant.
Atleast in a relationship you have love, stability and support.

She already tried that, this is where all that love, stability and support of a relationship will get ya. Stuck living at moms house with three kids you can't afford, worrying whether you might be able to grunt a few more out to keep a possible future mate happy. Just sayin
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 83
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 7:13:36 AM
Well, sometimes I wonder if all a guy is interested in when getting a woman into a long term relationship is having on tap sex or a brood mare. Both types of guys seem to be in large supply on OLD, at least in my age category. And I know lots of blended families around me, all who have brought kids into a relationship and have made new ones. I would wait a couple years into a relationship before trying for another kid but I also am aware that at a certain point I will no longer be fertile. I won't do anything I don't want to do but my point of making this thread is talking about the issue and hearing other's opinions on it because it's something I have thought about.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 84
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 11:43:17 AM

Atleast in a relationship you have love, stability and support..


Ha ha ha ha.
Good one.

Oh, you were serious?

I guess that's why so many people get divorced.

All that love, stability, and support.

Another SMH moment.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 85
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 12:38:04 PM
julystorm7: The more you post, the more it looks like you're just looking for someone to save you-from you, and your circumstances: the legal, mental, financial and residential stuff. Do you expect to get all of the issues taken care of before considering dating anyone, or do you expect a new guy to help you out in those areas? Anyone, that is, who is willing to help raise three kids that are not his own, but is expected to take over the father role. That in itself is a tall order to ask for. Not many guys are after an instant family, and the big financial burden that suddenly comes with that. A lot of guys are paying child support as it is, that takes a big chunk of their paycheck. Supporting an additional 3 kids and themselves is not financially possible for most.

And as if that's not enough, you said you're willing to have another kid with a new man-whoever that ends up being. Is that a ploy to make sure he sticks around and does his duty as a father and financial provider? Look how well that worked out in your last relationship. If you don't date for the right reasons, you'll be back at square one.
 bruha321
Joined: 9/8/2017
Msg: 86
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 1:25:41 PM
Rule #1- never date a single mom.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 87
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 1:33:09 PM
No, I am not looking for a guy to save me. I'm taking care of those things on my own. I've been taking care of myself and my kids for very long time with little help until recently (after I moved out my family did help me out a lot). I know right now I can't pursue a real relationship with anyone but I would like a relationship in the future and I don't want to wait till my kids are grown.

I realize I do come with baggage and it makes me feel like no one would want me because of it. I don't want to be a burden or dependant on anyone to "save" me. I just want someone to be my companion, to enjoy life with and have sex with. I do have things to offer someone. I'm a really caring person. I am a great cook and I love to cook. I enjoy the outdoors and camping. I have a good education and a good job with benefits and I work hard. And I really enjoy sex, lol.

I think some people are just reading these posts of mine and looking at me as some dependant, poor, single mother of 3 kids, living with her mother, a burden on society. I'm not though. I'm just in a post-divorce-like phase of life, adjusting and adapting to the current chapter of my life and trying to live my life happier, take care of my kids and have a little fun in the process. 6 months from now I will be living in my own place, I will have a lot less debt under my name and the custody stuff should be sorted out. And as for the mental stuff, a great deal of it is stress, something that there should be a whole lot less of once the above is figured out. The other part, the poor self-esteem part, is something I'm dealing with, it might take me a bit to get over some of the anger, shame and despair I feel from letting myself go through the last 9 years in my relationship, but I will because I don't want to take it into a new relationship. I've also been eating better and exercising and learning to take care of myself again and the results I've been getting have been great. Last weigh-in was 214. That's 23 pounds down from my split in September which does make me happy. And no, I'm not trying to lose weight for a man, before anyone asks, I'm doing it for myself.
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 1:34:03 PM

Well, sometimes I wonder if all a guy is interested in when getting a woman into a long term relationship is having on tap sex

I kind a doubt it. Sex isn't that hard to come by that you would need to get into a relationship to get it. At least that's what I hear from the young folks. I'm not a guy but maybe some will chime in and give us their take.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 89
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 1:36:09 PM
Sexual peak? There is one? Meet BOB.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 90
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Posted: 4/23/2018 3:39:18 PM
I will try to be as nice as possible about all this but ( in my op ) ~ you are putting the cart, before the brood mare ...

#1 - I don't think the thought of fertility should be on your mind now, you have existing children to bring up. I think your priorities are sometimes upside down ( I know - you're going to tell me your existing children are top priority, always have been, always will be ) ...
Well that may be, but I'm sure hearing quite a bit about " your " feelings & " your " desires . Maybe it's just me , I'm old fashioned or something.

#2 - " wait a couple years into a relationship, before trying for another kid " ... How did that work out in your last relationship ? I hope the guy in this next relationship, isn't like the last one. Oh yeah ~ you will be able to tell right away , that the new guy will be forever ( sure ~ col )

#3 - " I wonder if all a guy is interested in, is having on tap sex or a brood mare ? " ... There are plenty of decent males out there. I would admit though - this could possibly take some time, before you may meet & become involved with one .
( ^ this applies to either men or women, in my op ) .
Heaven forbid, you may not be fertile when this happens ...

#4 - Again, in my humble opinion - which you have asked for ~ I believe " fertility " < in your situation, should be one of the very last things, you should be thinking of .
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 91
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 3:43:41 PM
When we were younger, sex was relatively easier to achieve b/c you met in school, you went to a keg party, and few of your peers there were married. You weren't looking for someone to move in with, since you still shacked up at your parents'.

I think the original question, "Should I close my womb to a good man looking for kids" is valid for someone who doesn't already have a few kids for a future good man to love. It would be better to find that quality in a man, than to cast the net wide to catch any good man. many of us have something that we wish we could offer to all potentials, but we don't have it, so we have to narrow our search.
 Braylen99
Joined: 4/19/2018
Msg: 92
Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 3:48:15 PM
Actually Ive found sex easier to find and a comittment much harder.

At least in Miami anyways.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 93
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 4/23/2018 3:49:35 PM
July, lots of people have baggage. Some baggage is just more obvious or evident than other baggage. You're on the right track and I really admire how intentional you have been about improving things for yourself. I could stand to take a page from your book! Since being on these forums, I have learned that there are some who will not go out with a woman who already has children/ young children. however, I have honestly known of plenty of single mothers through the years (including mothers of three) who have gotten remarried and who, to my knowledge, are still together.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 94
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Posted: 4/24/2018 2:45:54 PM
Men that would suggest or try to get fwb with me would get auto friendzoned. I didn't even tell them they were friendzoned. It's just like a mental note I kept private.
Just never did interest me and shows me they are wanting me probably just for sex so I lose any romantic interest in them I may of had.
It was never worth it to me to risk pregnancy and disease for a guy I don't even love. Lose lose situation because the sex would bore me, the guy would bore me and the risk also not worth it
 RR Man
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 95
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 11/27/2018 10:11:25 PM
May I ask a really dumb question? I say dumb because I'm probably missing something.

On profiles, there is the question "Do you want children?" I'm 70 and any woman I were to go out with would be way past childbearing age. So why would a 73 year old woman reply "prefer not to say?"
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 96
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Posted: 11/28/2018 7:07:44 AM
^^It could be because of all of the people who say "age is just a number".
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 97
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Posted: 11/29/2018 7:30:47 AM
The "prefer not to say" is a catch all for a lot of different things such as:

a) I cannot or will not get pregnant
b) I already have children and do not want to get pregnant again
c) I'm open to adoption but not to having biological children
d) I don't want to have more biological children but am willing to help you raise yours

The way the question is phrased leaves it complicated to answer either yes or know. I wish that instead of asking "Do you want children?" the question would be, if you already have children, whether you want more. And unfortunately, the question and answer of whether you are willing to date someone with kids is hidden unless you are a premium member.
 Carnival_Fishing
Joined: 10/2/2018
Msg: 98
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Fertility Matters
Posted: 11/29/2018 8:21:15 AM
" I wish that instead of asking "Do you want children?" the question would be, if you already have children, whether you want more."

That's covered in a profile with the questions "Do you have children" and "Do you want children". It's pretty clear to me.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 99
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Posted: 11/29/2018 10:43:00 AM

So why would a 73 year old woman reply "prefer not to say?"

Because there is a very limited set of answers and none of them really match all the possibilities - particularly of women already past childbearing.

Maybe she past childbearing but would love to foster and/or adopt.
Maybe she already has kids but would love to welcome yours - who may be adults out on their own with their own children. But they're still counted as 'your' or 'her' children... aren't they?
Maybe she's really flexible with how her future with you unfolds... it doesn't matter if you still have children living with you or no children at all or grown children.
Maybe she's in a situation where 'none of the above' applies - but that isn't really an option. 'Prefer not to say' is the closest to that.

I've always taken that to mean... 'let's discuss'.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 100
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Posted: 11/29/2018 12:03:51 PM

I would wait a couple years into long term relationship before trying for another kid


^^^ My honest thought here is ( to be perfectly blunt ) after reading your entire life story from the age 4 on is ~


... That in your circumstances, only an idiot would even consider, having more kids ....

^ This is my opinion, so carry on & fit the shoe ... congrats ( I feel sorry for any future children of yours ) & ps? It has nothing to do with whether I like you or not. I think you are a good person BUT > I feel you would have no f-in idea ( as usual ) of what your doing, if you chose that direction. Not only that but ( in my opinion) it is the children who will suffer the most, which is like beyond sad ( good luck, I think you will need lots of it )

heart / sun
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