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 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 101
Forum Wisdom?Page 5 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
A person can feel fulfilled without sex if they get their psychological needs met in other ways. There are many people who live happy lives without sex. Women do have a much easier time being celibate but men can too after they've gone a certain length of time without. But they need to find a way to meet their psychological needs in another way. It's not the norm though. Sex still remains the best way to meet those needs. Here are the psychological benefits of sex:
1) gratification - it makes the pleasure centre of your brain ignite by releasing endorphins, this is the same part of your brain that addictions come from, addictions are basically a desire to repeat a specific type of pleasure or gratification, many people are addicted to the mental feelings we get from sex
2) autonomy/power - the act of being able to have sex, by choosing to have it and going through it's various actions, satisfies our need for free will, we aren't robots
3) connection - emotional intimacy, the process by which we have linking ourselves mentally (and at times even spiritually) with another human being in the most intense form of physical contact, our needs for touch and our need for acceptance is huge, when someone is allowing you to have access to their body, it brings about a feeling of acceptance
4) self-esteem - getting to have sex with someone makes us feel more confident about our abilities and our desirability, in a nutshell it feels good to be wanted physically
5) security - safety from people, for men its about having safe place, a kind of home with a woman, at its basis, a warm place to put it where one can feel sheltered by someone who cares for them, for women, it can be these things plus having a sense that a man who has taken you physically will protect you from other men

Bad sex usually indicates a lack of the above. And of course casual sex usually just means temporary satisfaction.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 102
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Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 10:07:27 AM
^^^ JulyStorm, I really appreciate your posts. I'm always interested in hearing your thoughts/perspective on things. I'm glad you post here. :-)
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 103
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 1:53:06 PM
I think the better topic might be "Forum Idiocy". Just saying.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 104
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 3:17:07 PM
sex has many benefits, yet interestingly, babies do not need it to develop and grow. They do need some sort of loving, intimate contact however.

if women can handle celibacy better than men can, perhaps its their ability (generally speaking) to express their feelings better than the average fellow trying to be macho. maybe that's an ersatz way to express the connectivity good sex can provide.

oh, and Pig said something, so i'm going to say something that he said something, b/c I don't want him to feel ignored :)

 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 105
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 3:19:46 PM

Pig got retirement home Barbie banned?!?!?


lol. "retirement home Barbie". That cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh.

I think who had someone "banned" might be a big assumption.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 106
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 4:29:05 PM
My 2 cents...is exactly that, 2 cents, actually sometimes it makes no sense what I read here, so I will refrain.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 107
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Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 5:58:19 PM
My take-away from this place, from the past year and a half I've been here...off and on.... is the collective dating and relationship "wisdom" here is weighted towards the opinions and outlook representative of ....50s-60s year old women. ...and younger folks that have the same attitude lol. That may have weakened lately as I have noticed several of the ringleaders have been bounced or left. But til recently, they had the numbers and established consensus here to try to put the hammer down on any alternate views regarding dating and relationships. And what I mean by that is, the idea that we should all adhere to, as if chiseled into a stone tablet, the outlook that anything OTHER than pursuing an exclusive, long term, committed, riding off into the sunset happily ever after type relationship...is BAAAAD. .... Serial dating? The nerve!. Players? "String em up by their b*lls!" Extramarital? Loserscum!!!!. Polyamory? Weirdo!!! Prefers younger women?..Perv!!!...Casual sex? The outrage!!!.... Just dating for fun, nothing serious? Douchebag!!!

And to be fair, I've seen the "Red Hat Posse" wield their hammer on both men and women. Well, the romantic world ain't like that. Everyone ain't middle aged, or with middle aged outlooks and interests regarding romance and dating. Even if they ARE in middle age....or older.

Gotta remember, while there's a lot of good info disseminated here, and I've learned some stuff...... this forum is a bubble that doesn't exactly reflect IRL.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 108
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Posted: 4/30/2018 6:07:19 PM
The forums don't represent IRL dating, because rare is the person here that dates. Yes, cheaters are scumbags. Everyone else can do as they please. I'm not against anything as long as people honestly represent the type of dating they want to do.

Yes, it's older folks here. Young ones are busy dating.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 109
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Posted: 4/30/2018 6:18:07 PM

..... this forum is a bubble that doesn't exactly reflect IRL


Oh, I don't know about the "bubble" thing.

I have met plenty of women in real life with similar experiences as so many of the women have related here.

Making poor decisions by getting involved with/marrying the wrong guys.
Abusive relationships.
Multiple failed marriages and divorces.
Husbands taking up with much younger women.
Marrying guys who turned out later to be gay.
Single mothers back living with their parents.
Stalkers.

Same old stories.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 110
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:03:59 PM

A person can feel fulfilled without sex if they get their psychological needs met in other ways.


I think SOME people can handle being celibate better than others. It’s not right for everybody. Catholic priests have a history of molesting young boys and the nuns were getting pregnant and aborting their own babies. That’s what happens when you force it on people. Also, there is the stigma in our society of the older male virgin. A man loses respect if he can’t get laid.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 111
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Posted: 4/30/2018 8:10:05 PM
I think those priests were always pedophiles.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 112
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:27:19 PM

Spend enough time at these Fish Forums, and one is bound to learn something

Some people on POF forums have an extensive knowledge about the rules of the forums and how they work. For example, when I stated that apparently much older guys are not interested in messaging me because no one 30 or above has, someone posted info that stated men 30 and above cannot message girls 19 and under.

Another person informed me the forums don't have MODs anymore but that people can vote to delete your post.

And, I do have another question that I hope someone can answer. Earlier today, I started a new thread. Now 9 hours later I cannot start a new thread. Does anyone know why?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 113
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Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 8:44:34 PM
I recall that a person can create 3 per day. Try again.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 114
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/30/2018 10:31:12 PM

I recall that a person can create 3 per day. Try again.

Thank you, Newyorker58. I took me another ten minutes of searching in all the wrong places, but I finally found it.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 115
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Posted: 5/1/2018 12:13:39 AM

A person can feel fulfilled without sex if they get their psychological needs met in other ways.

Masturbating to quality "outside influences" being involved, is usually better than sex with the few they could get who they aren't really attracted to outside the groin area anyway. And if they don't have much of a sex drive, which isn't so unnatural for some given some circumstances, then it isn't quite so difficult. Depends how high your hormones are and how well you take care of them outside of sexual relations with others.

as if chiseled into a stone tablet, the outlook that anything OTHER than pursuing an exclusive, long term, committed, riding off into the sunset happily ever after type relationship...is BAAAAD

Yeah, there is that general belief that too many people have -- that they'd be fueling bad social behavior by not scoffing at sex outside a Relationship. They throw out stats that basically should make you fear driving, even in a small town, since any % of harm pretty much puts a target on your back, and a gravestone half-carved.

But in the end, it's Emotional Disdain (with a love-hate relationship with potential physical consequences).

Serial dating? The nerve!

Probably the most "put up with", especially if it's a friend of theirs... but if it's a guy, they'll think it's the next one...

Players? "String em up by their b*lls!"

They'll always want to string a guy up by their dinner bills. ;) Funny thing is tho, an effective 'player' isn't trying to play/trick anyone. It's more about them liking to play the dating game, sticking to just that, and are good at it. The real pain is when a gal ends up learning that a particular guy they Like isn't that into them after a date or three -- while assuming or observing he likes to indulge in the dating scene.

Extramarital? Loserscum!!!!

I do agree with that one, though. Assuming it's not more or less allowed by the spouse.

Polyamory? Weirdo!!!

I actually agree with that one too -- with "weirdo" being the correct adjective... not a direct negative slap.

Prefers younger women?..Perv!!!

Yep. That reaction by gals is just jealousy. Not to say there isn't any had by guys when a 40-something gal speaks about only wanting to date guys in their 30s, though. But yes, guys will get the Scoff even aiming to date a particular gal who's significantly younger.

Casual sex? The outrage!!!

We all know ethical, upstanding gals in society never enjoy casual sex -- it's only for the gals in the back corner of the bar, right? ;)

Just dating for fun, nothing serious? Douchebag!!!

Like casual sex, only guys like casual dating, right? Therefore, he must be a player if he likes casual dating, because that's the only way he can casually date a girl (who's not the type who hangs out in the back of the bar)! ;)
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 116
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 5/1/2018 6:31:02 AM

this forum is a bubble that doesn't exactly reflect IRL.


I'm not sure what this actually means. The stories shared here are based on "real life" interactions. If you're talking about strictly online interaction and the pursuits to capture someone's interest, yes, of course, there's a difference.

As for the shaming, I couldn't give a shit less. People who know me in my personal life offline know better than to try shame tactics with me, because the harder they try, the more I'll unapologetically flaunt whatever it is they disapprove of until they flat out submit.

When I was younger, my family used to give me shit about some of the girls I dated looking "slutty". I eventually reached a point where I encouraged any girl I was involved with to dress as "slutty" as possible when first meeting my family. I did this until they finally shut the f*ck up. I did have a few uncles who enjoyed the hell out of it, though.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 117
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Posted: 5/1/2018 6:56:12 AM
I don't think this is real life, but I think there are real stories here and some
made up ones. It's mostly entertaining.

I have learned that I have to be careful how I behave while out and about,
and not stand places without having other business lest I get confused with
being a ho.

I don't get shamed here, or embarrassed (although I sometimes feel embarrassed
for others) because I don't know anyone here and there are only a few I'm even
remotely interested in paying attention to anyways.

I will say in here, as in IRL, I'm underestimated all the time.
I think I must look and sound stupid, but who knows.

Welcome back angel, BT dubbs.
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