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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 151
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CLEAVAGEPage 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
julystorm22:
It's possible that it's something else. In your profile you say this -

Part of me wants to say I'm looking for a serious relationship and part of me wants to say I'm not looking for something serious.

This would inevitably wash out during your initial contacts with someone. Not so much that it affects something on their end, but on your end - you need to know what you want. Make up your mind. If not, then it may affect things indirectly in some way that would be majorly influential.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 152
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 6/21/2018 6:18:51 PM

Interesting. How did you manage to avoid having the people in your circle being strangers before you met them?


We only began dating after we got to know each-other in real-life settings. I had better results (i.e. these dates resulted in an actual relationship) because we already knew we liked each other's company before ever stepping foot on our first "date". These men were either friends, friends of friends, co-workers or classmates.

Going out with a complete stranger in order to see if there's a possible connection beyond mutual physical attraction has not worked for me. It's not limited to online, either. In the past, whenever I've met a guy in a bar, club, party, Target, etc...and we went on a date, it was usually our last date.
 MadameBoisseau
Joined: 5/11/2017
Msg: 153
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/9/2018 7:12:48 PM

I’m going to say... headlessness.

Since I cropped my head out of the thumbnail, I’ve received hundreds of unsolicited views (in fact, over the past few months, more views than my previous 10 years on this site combined).


Are you getting more letters?
Because I have clicked on headless pictures wondering if its bad auto cropping from the site template, but if the head doesn't come in to view on full screen, I then assume the guy is hiding because he is a cheater and I immediately close the profile in disgust, frankly. So I can see getting more views, but are you getting less letters?
 OKgeo
Joined: 5/22/2018
Msg: 154
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/10/2018 6:26:35 AM
my best friend from Germany, growing up here in the states, was completely beautiful to me because the body is not a shameful or distasteful carriage. It is the mind that views it that taints a natural being in its most natural state and turns it into something that suggests the viewer does not enjoy the full existence of a life in its natural surroundings. It's what you do with your natural form that separates man from beast
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 155
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CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/10/2018 11:45:48 AM

We only began dating after we got to know each-other in real-life settings. I had better results (i.e. these dates resulted in an actual relationship) because we already knew we liked each other's company before ever stepping foot on our first "date". These men were either friends, friends of friends, co-workers or classmates.

I would would say for the most part, it's because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Comfort-zone. Which affects how we read the person and how one feels about the other in that more-than-platonic zone. Some people are picky and get too weirded out meeting someone from online -- others are fine with it and want that, but are picky & weirded out meeting someone at "a bar" (as if they're all the same lol)... and others don't like Either.

But the reason many people out there do open up to the online route & mingling with people who Aren't even direct friends of friends at a bar -- even when their social group hasn't dwindled over the years much -- is because there are Drawbacks to feeding off your own social-group.

#1 for most is someone who's an actual friend -- not an acquaintance or someone you're Just getting to socially know that we'll commonly refer to as a 'friend' to others. For many, they've "been there, done that" and it causes drama once crossing the platonic line. Even if they're not an established Friend, but are solidly a friend within one's social group. Goes the same way with work-environment if too close for comfort.

I think the most universal route that hits everyone's comfort zone is someone who's Outside our social circle, but we'll run into from time to time. Not too difficult to run into again, easy to not run into them if need be. They're not a stranger, we've mingled before, and we know people that know people who know them. Not that one should Only aim for that -- that'd be too picky, although some are that way. But I think pretty much nobody saying "No way" to that situation shows where the Common "sweet spot" is for singles. And it reveals that if one is socially active & open out there, more comfortable opportunities come their way.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 156
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/10/2018 3:26:12 PM

I would would say for the most part, it's because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Comfort-zone. Which affects how we read the person and how one feels about the other in that more-than-platonic zone.


It's also due to practicality & proximity reasons. I don't think it's only a self-fulfilling prophecy because despite OLD's popularity, the majority of people still meet their SOs through work or mutual friends. That's not a coincidence. It makes more sense to date someone who you've already gotten to know & who's in your circle. They're already around, you know their friends, family and background. With meeting people from OLD, it's more like throwing darts in the dark. They could be honest, but maybe not. And how will you know?

Getting to know someone IRL first can have the opposite effect too. I have a co-worker who I've mentioned a few times before. He is 6'4", very good-looking, mixed Black & White and I had the BIGGEST crush on him when he started working at my job in April 2017. We've talked plenty and even hung out outside of work a few times. The more I got to know him, I realized he wasn't boyfriend-material. He's nice to look at & cool to talk to but the most we'd ever be is friends unless he gets his shit together - and I'm not the type of woman to try and fix/change a man.

In the past 2 weeks, he's invited me twice to hit up some clubs in downtown Seattle but I declined. If he had invited me a year ago, I would have been gung-ho about it and probably slept with him (not a good decision being that he is not relationship-material AND a co-worker BUT....I was obsessed with him back then). If I had just seen his pictures on a dating site, I would have been like, "hell yea!" However, since getting to know him in the past....15 months, I see him in a completely different light than I did when I first met him. That's why it pays to get to know someone before trying to date them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 157
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CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/10/2018 8:46:18 PM

They're already around, you know their friends, family and background. With meeting people from OLD, it's more like throwing darts in the dark. They could be honest, but maybe not. And how will you know?

You go out on (casual) dates with them. Definitely not hanging out 1-on-1 as "friends", playing the silly charade of "friends first" game like some people do - lol. But yeah, there's no RUSH to go out on date with them when they're at your work or social group where ya feel them out anyway before that trigger's pulled (notably at work).

But to get to know their family? Mesh with their friends, etc? Waste of time. Sure, you get to know more about them -- but you're too focused on non-matchability. Which ends up making you an unnecessarily tougher match yourself, IMO.

That said, the hot guy from work -- a Year later? Look, I understand not jumping right into being an Item too hastily, where, yeah, being social-group friends over time will sift thru stuff the first few dates will.

But it doesn't take much time to realize that the guy or gal isn't BF/GF material. You don't have to wait it out forever. What you seem to describe is the IRL version of the "Pen Pal Game".... where someone online wants to chat & talk on the phone for 4-6 weeks before ever Meeting, because meeting would be a 1st Date (jitters). There's an advantage to that IF that is out of luck comfortable with the other person thru that whole time and that 1st Date DOES pan out. Rare that it does, because most realize it's More Time Wasted.

A 1st date, a 2nd date, or a 3rd date doesn't equate to being wrapped up in being a Couple. You can get to know them in a social group several times, ask about them, etc... and size up generally how they are, go on 1-3 dates -- and get to know fully if they're potential BF/GF material by that point. Or at work where it's more delayed in one asking another out -- you can get a feel and ask certain questions about them at happy hour and such that you would on dates with a guy, sprinkled throughout -- during that time where it'd be too hasty in most environments To be in position to land a Date.

Playing the "long route", like Pen-Pals-Before-Meeting -- has an advantage, which baits people in, IMO. When you DO have that 1st Date -- you already (feel) you know them well, and do moreso than if you had a talk at a bar or IM'd a few times. Sure. And IF you DO click to end up going steady -- it's a smoother transition from those 1st several Dates; happens more naturally. But a lot of unnecessary time & effort put into it to get to know their friends & family as "just a friend", dancing around -- which can also lose out on Opportunities, like the Pen Pan Game does.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 158
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/16/2018 8:08:52 PM

What you seem to describe is the IRL version of the "Pen Pal Game"


No, it's not. We both go to the hospital to work, not to try and see who is dateable. After getting to know him in an organic, real-life setting, I realize: "Damn, he is not who I built him up in my head to be." The bold aforementioned happens too much in online dating because people are trying to concoct connections with strangers.

Another reason why I'm not interested in 6'4" hot co-worker is because he asked out another girl at my job last summer. She wasn't interested, already had a boyfriend in Michigan and moved to Michigan shortly after. Around November, he asked out another girl. She wasn't interested either because she was hung up on some married Seahawks player & too busy being the Seahawk's other woman/side-chick. Mr. 6'4" and I have been talking since basically his first day in April 2017. He started out in my department. Sooooo......now......the hot co-worker is inviting ME out to events, bars & clubs. That's quite a turn-off because it shows me that he's not really interested in me, he just couldn't get the girls he actually wanted.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 159
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Posted: 7/17/2018 1:45:05 AM

No, it's not. We both go to the hospital to work, not to try and see who is dateable.

As done everyone else (unless it's a guy applying for a job at a strip club). What I mean by IRL version of the Pen Pal game is the whole "let's be friends, first" -- explicitly not wanting to go out on a date with an Attractive person in your surroundings. That said, I think it is natural that most people aren't going to ask someone out the first day they meet them at work, of course. But before some close bond would be had -- they will usually move toward asking them out (or the gal letting it be known she likes him; hint hint, ask Sally out, Bob).

Another reason why I'm not interested in 6'4" hot co-worker is because he asked out another girl at my job last summer. She wasn't interested, already had a boyfriend in Michigan

Why would this make you not interested?

Around November, he asked out another girl. She wasn't interested either because she was hung up on some married Seahawks player

Again, why would this make you not interested? Would you expect over time a Good guy is not to ask anyone out in his surroundings? If he asks you out, and you're someone who's a fellow regular at said bar he goes to who you've gotten to know some, or a co-worker in a hospital -- yes, he's probably asked someone else out. I don't see how that's a negative.

That's quite a turn-off because it shows me that he's not really interested in me, he just couldn't get the girls he actually wanted.

I think that's a low self-esteem talking, not any fault of his. It's your feelings talking when he did nothing wrong. Look at it a more normal way, from the outside looking in: He asked two girls out who ended up not being available. It doesn't mean you're a lesser catch. It's not like you 3 gals were chit-chatting at the bar, and he comes up to mingle... asks the 1st one for her #, she says she has a BF... then he asks the 2nd one for Her #, and she says kinda seeing someone... and then he asks you. It's not like that. :)

Guys are always going to ask girls out and get shot down. Just because a guy's been shot down, doesn't mean the next girl he asks out is lower on the totem pole. :)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 160
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/17/2018 6:40:21 AM
""Damn, he is not who I built him up in my head to be." The bold aforementioned happens too much in online dating because people are trying to concoct connections with strangers."

>>>When I lived in an apartment complex, a fellow upstairs from me who I felt was sexually interested in me, did the same thing after looking at my Mustang GT (thought I was the BMOC in school, etc) and my female friends said they had built up guys with backstory they didn't know but lusted for....before the internet existed. So I think some people just do it, maybe hoping the potential partner is going to add some pizzazz to their life.

"that's quite a turn-off, it shows he's not really interested in me, he just couldn't get what he actually wanted"

>>>I used to be the same way, girls would date every other guy in our clique at high school and finally approach me at the end of senior year. Had they been far better looking, I might have not worried about being sloppy lasts :) But I also figured I was going to college and would meet women who wouldn't pick me last for the kickball team, also. A year later in the workplace, I had a female coworker do the same thing, and my boss pointed out beggars couldn't be choosers, but after I asked her out she got back with her fling. I do disagree with NG's explanation, however...6'4" could have asked YOU out first, and gotten shot down. What's telling isn't that he got shot down, its what he thought was the most worthy risk first.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 161
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/17/2018 9:12:12 AM

Why would this make you not interested?


Back then, I had a MAD crush on him. Why should I like someone who likes someone else? Not just "likes" as in admiring from afar but, actively asking other girls out. Crushing on someone who doesn't want you, especially when they're asking other people out in your vicinity, makes you look foolish. & you're right, my self-esteem is on the low side but it's not that low. I'm not going to be, "oh...it's finally my turn! I'm third choice!"
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 162
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Posted: 7/18/2018 2:18:03 AM
Oh now wait a minute...

...it shows me that he's not really interested in me, he just couldn't get the girls he actually wanted.

I think that this is sometimes a big mistake. Not always, definitely. But often enough. Just like how you built up this image in your head about him which was wrong...there could be any number of factors at play during this course of time which at any given moment led to him asking one out versus the other, and it not at all mean that you're not someone that he "really" wants. This includes, for example, that he may not have even known the others, and doesn't or didn't even know you very well - when you choose someone to ask out, and don't really know them well, what are you going by? How can you know who you'd "really" want?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 163
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 6:40:14 AM
except he knew her for a while:

"Mr. 6'4" and I have been talking since basically his first day in April 2017. He started out in my department. Sooooo......now......the hot co-worker is inviting ME out to events, bars & clubs. That's quite a turn-off because it shows me that he's not really interested in me, he just couldn't get the girls he actually wanted. "

>>>I get that sometimes there's other circumstances going on, but sometimes....you recognize a serial dater when you see one, and that they are working from the top of their list, down. Interestingly, few people start at the bottom of the list with their low hanging fruit, and then work their way up to us, the one they fantasize about. I'm sure someone is out there somewhere doing it, but...usually, if our gut tells us that we're the last one picked for the baseball team, our gut feeling isn't wrong about what's going on.

STILL, its up to us to make a choice....if we think we're being given a glass half full, we may decide its still worth having. Depends upon whether we want sex, confirmation, or a relationship. but my experience with glasses half full, is that they don't really slake a thirst very well.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 164
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 8:38:32 AM

except he knew her for a while:


Yep. Take note, post 162.


Interestingly, few people start at the bottom of the list with their low hanging fruit, and then work their way up to us, the one they fantasize about. I'm sure someone is out there somewhere doing it, but...usually, if our gut tells us that we're the last one picked for the baseball team, our gut feeling isn't wrong about what's going on.


Exactly. It reeks of settling too. I've been in the dating scene long enough to know when something seems amiss. Dude is cool as a homie but since learning things about him in the 15 months since I met him due to our many talks and hanging out, completely independent of him asking those other girls out, I've rendered him an nonviable option.

Long story short: I was highly interested. 15 months later, I am no longer. Now he acts like he's interested. The timing was/is all off. Nothing will happen, except maybe a friendship.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 165
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 9:06:26 AM
"Back then, I had a MAD crush on him."

Why didn't YOU ask him out at the time, instead of waiting for him to make the first move, then getting all in a huff when he asks someone else out?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 166
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Posted: 7/18/2018 10:36:27 AM
I understand why she didn't. Women who chase men appear desperate. I've heard enough men laughing about women asking them out to realize it gets them no respect. Although I think it gets different as women get older, in their 40s and older.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 167
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 10:45:37 AM

Why didn't YOU ask him out at the time, instead of waiting for him to make the first move, then getting all in a huff when he asks someone else out?


I don't ask men out unless I know he likes me too. In retrospect, asking him out back then would NOT have been a good idea because he liked the Michigan girl. Have you read the entire story?
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 168
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 10:49:58 AM

Women who chase men appear desperate. I've heard enough men laughing about women asking them out to realize it gets them no respect. Although I think it gets different as women get older, in their 40s and older.


You're telling these men found the woman attractive, but rejected her simply because she asked them out?? Color me skeptical. If you're a woman in 2018 and think you're above showing interest in a man first because of your old fart "values", then you'll just have to settle for whatever comes along. Confident and secure go-getting women have no qualms taking initiative and there is no shortage of men who appreciate these qualities.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 169
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Posted: 7/18/2018 11:16:21 AM

I understand why she didn't. Women who chase men appear desperate. I've heard enough men laughing about women asking them out to realize it gets them no respect. Although I think it gets different as women get older, in their 40s and older.


1. No, women who aren't afraid to approach men (who the hell CHASES anything) are not desperate.
2. I'm calling bullshit on your knowledge about men laughing about women asking them out, because your
posts on here suggest a total lack of what men like or do and they also suggest your social life is such that
you would not come in contact with enough men to make this assumption, unless of course all your contact
with men is with those that most confident women would never approach anyway.
3. If a man gives me no respect for approaching him, he's an ***hole, he has no respect for women and he can
go **** himself, which is probably his best experience of sex.
D. Try to make comments without dissing others. Especially OLDER women who've done nothing but listen
to you and try to make sensible recommendations to help you out of your self imposed pit of misery.

Jaysus tap dancin christ.
We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on.
Know what we're not?
We're not ****ing miserable!
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 170
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 11:28:50 AM


Jaysus tap dancin christ.
We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on.
Know what we're not?
We're not ****ing miserable!


BOOM!!!


and he can go **** himself, which is probably his best experience of sex.


"I can't knock masturbation. At least it's sex with someone I love." - Woody Allen
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 171
where'd the sugar go?
Posted: 7/18/2018 11:39:03 AM
"I was highly interested. Over a year later, I am no longer interested. Suddenly he's acting interested"

>>>think mebbe you're treating him, well, differently now and he picked up on it and wants it back? :)


"Women who chase men appear desperate--no, women who aren't afraid to approach men--who the hell CHASES?"

>>>>some women do actively chase, my first gf did. Begged me, literally, to ask her out during an hour long walk to my house under the pretext I was going to drive her home from work, and then followed me to my room to make out. THOSE people appear desperate b/c they are. BUT a woman who approaches...those are a different kettle of fish. a real man doesn't mind a woman (he finds attractive) bustin' a move on him--we want confirmation of our viability, as well. Sometimes, a woman makes the first move, by making herself available, and the fellow picks up on it (happened with my third gf--she kept visiting me at work and talking to me until I figured out why--she was doing what I would do to someone I was hot for) and actively does the asking out.

"I've heard enough men laughing about women asking them out to realize it gets them no respect"


>>>some BOYS (not men) will joke that a woman who is "bangable" but not "Drop everything, pay anything" lust material is making her sexual interest in them known. These BOYS of any age, are insecure and immature. It may change as women get older b/c they don't chase these jerkoffs.

"We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on."

>>>same for men. We're creeps, we're too nice, etc. isn't it just fun?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 172
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CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 11:45:04 AM

Jaysus tap dancin christ.
We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on.
Know what we're not?
We're not ****ing miserable!


*Drops mic and walks off the stage*
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 173
CLEAVAGE
Posted: 7/18/2018 12:23:33 PM
Just back from riding to Highlands, NC, on HWY 28, …………"The Moonshiner 28". Absolutely amazing. Up / down left / right. Waterfalls and mountains. LOVE it!

LMAO, Boo, Boo, Boo, You are a doll.


Jaysus tap dancin christ.
We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on.
Know what we're not?
We're not ****ing miserable!


AMEN ……………..and pass the peas! I agree 100% with every word you wrote!

LOL, Cooldog!
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 174
where'd the sugar go?
Posted: 7/18/2018 12:25:17 PM

"We're desperate, we're hos, the list goes on."

>>>same for men. We're creeps, we're too nice, etc. isn't it just fun?

Lol!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 175
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History
where'd the sugar go?
Posted: 7/18/2018 1:32:20 PM

Know what we're not?
We're not ****ing miserable!


Shhh.....don't let our secret out!!

<< eagerly awaits the next justification story!!
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