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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > THE great equilizer for us old farts?      Home login  
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 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 26
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
KPOL
Sure that the ultimate goal is to LIVE 24/7 with their partner? Share living quarters. OR 100% sure in the other direction? Too many pluses in living alone. I like, need or enjoy my space too much.

Does anyone else prefer to live together with each partner having a bedroom of their own?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 27
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 3:33:35 PM
not with each partner--I've met some people who only offer sex as an item of value. Party girls who are fun in the sack and terrible in the wallet. and they leave wet towels on the bathroom floor.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 28
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 4:42:35 PM
A 2nd bedroom for snoring sure helps..

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 29
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 5:04:51 PM
My now deceased partner and I had separate bedrooms for sleeping....
He had horrible restless leg syndrome and I could not get any sleep because of it.

The new guy and I are quite content keeping our own homes....he stays over 1 to 2 times a week and that is plenty for the both of us!!
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 30
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 5:11:25 PM
^
sorry 4 ur loss Ms M

I think it's exciting when a couple has time apart, then time together.
 TheEvolutionOfJessi
Joined: 8/29/2015
Msg: 31
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 6:38:14 PM
Time apart and time together....


I dare say this is why my female sibling's FIFO marriage has worked so well... and helped them last into 20 years together... she's a very strong overbearing woman... I have picked him for being a little weak (in my very few interactions with him)
He works in mining flying in and out of town for months at a time... he was in the military before mining... so more separations...
She stays at home (in the house they had to build 2 years after their last because they 'forgot' to put a theatre room in the old one) living on the income he provides...
The only time I've really understood him to stand up to her was on the subject of more than one child.... he said "No" and got a vasectomy...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 32
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 4/30/2018 7:20:02 PM
Thanks Angel....was a rough time but alas...time has done it's thing and allowed me to love again!!

I agree the time apart makes for the time together to be more exciting...and relaxing!
We laugh that we've never had make up sex....because we've never had an argument - nothing to argue about!!

He's a great man....but I have no desire at this time of my life to have him around 24/7!!
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/5/2018 6:56:59 PM
I dunno. I still, stubbornly I guess, think that living together completely is the best. It's only a problem, for me or many who don't like it, when and because it's not the right person and/or you don't both share the same attitude about it all.

I still think in terms of occasionally sharing time and selected activities is not the point. But instead the point is two people sharing one life. There is so much that goes with that which is on a whole different level and makes it the most fulfilling of all. This seemingly fantastical view of mine is avoided or disliked only because it requires you to know how to find the one you belong with, and to want it in the first place because you can see how awesome it is. And many people just don't live in that world.
 icunow7
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 34
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 2:14:57 PM
To me the perfect relationship is this.......We both have our own places & have keys to each others places. We have clothes, toothbrushes etc. at each others place. We spend time together in each home and time alone. We are mutually exclusive. I have yet to find anyone but then I am 65 years old so I think I am at the end of my shelf life.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 35
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 3:07:21 PM

Posted By: icunow7 on 5/9/2018 457 PM
Subject: THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Message: To me the perfect relationship is this.......We both have our own places & have keys to each others places. We have clothes, toothbrushes etc. at each others place. We spend time together in each home and time alone. We are mutually exclusive. I have yet to find anyone but then I am 65 years old so I think I am at the end of my shelf life.
Author: CBGB77


Oh don't be silly,You are still young and beautiful!
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 36
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 4:16:25 PM
Some of us are on the 'fine wine' shelf.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 37
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 7:09:20 PM
if I had a live in partner I would want separate bedrooms and plenty of other living space as well.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 38
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 7:10:32 PM
problem is at your age men are looking for the nurse and sometimes the purse. Living separately would not suit these guys.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 39
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/9/2018 7:22:26 PM

problem is at your age men are looking for the nurse and sometimes the purse.


You do realize the there are lots of WOMEN who get sick and go broke, too, right?
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 40
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 5:21:28 AM
^^^And there's no shortage of gold diggers either. Do you think Melania Trump married Donald only because of his charming personality?
 zsuzsa62
Joined: 1/31/2016
Msg: 41
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 6:46:17 AM
Drinksthesunwithmyface...
"I dunno. I still, stubbornly I guess, think that living together completely is the best. It's only a problem, for me or many who don't like it, when and because it's not the right person and/or you don't both share the same attitude about it all.
I still think in terms of occasionally sharing time and selected activities is not the point. But instead the point is two people sharing one life. There is so much that goes with that which is on a whole different level and makes it the most fulfilling of all. This seemingly fantastical view of mine is avoided or disliked only because it requires you to know how to find the one you belong with, and to want it in the first place because you can see how awesome it is. And many people just don't live in that world."

This ^^^^ has truth in it. Even if it seems "fantastical" , from my own experiences/observations.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 42
THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 7:53:14 AM
I think one reason why some people are opposed to living together under on roof with a partner and want each to have separate homes is because of having an easier exit strategy if things don't work out in the end. Most of the people who are in favor of living in separate homes have been through the married and living together cycle in life in their youth, and found it was a hassle when it came to dividing assets in a divorce when there's a house involved. Having separate homes solves that problem. It's just like people who want to have a pre-nup, in case things don't work out.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 43
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 12:47:22 PM
Living under the same roof, but with adjoining bedrooms and separate bathrooms has worked well for my partner and me.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 44
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/10/2018 7:24:19 PM
"I think one reason why some people are opposed to living together under on roof with a partner and want each to have separate homes is because of having an easier exit strategy if things don't work out in the end. "

True. I never want to have to go through that again. I also no longer trust a relationship enough to give up my own home. If it doesn't work out one of you is going to have to look for a place and start all over, harder yet if you both own your homes and one was sold.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 45
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THE great equilizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/11/2018 8:23:49 AM
This issue (separate homes, separate bedrooms, separate bath rooms) has been discussed before, at great length, here in these very forums.

One of the things I enjoy about this place is hearing other opinions, things I hadn’t thought of, things that make me reconsider my own beliefs and opinions. And have you noticed how it all works so much better when we are all civil and polite? (smile)

I no longer have any strongly held preconceived opinions. If and when I meet the “right one”, then we, the two of us together, will talk about all of our options. Hopefully we can arrive at a mutually agreed upon way to live.

Being the “right one” does not mean that we will agree about everything under the sun, but it will mean that we can communicate, talk freely about anything under the sun, and work out our differences.

I will say that having separate bathrooms is a really, really nice luxury. Not all can afford it, but if you can afford it, do it. And having separate bedrooms so that you can choose when to be together and when to maintain a little separateness, that can also be a good thing.

I do feel that if you choose not to live under one roof, that may be less than a 100% commitment. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, I could see “living apart together” as being a lot better than being strictly alone in this life. And it is something that I haven’t really tried, so who knows, it might work very well. If my partner wanted to try it, I would be game.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 46
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Not alone, but by myself
Posted: 5/12/2018 1:36:20 AM
Mustang, our family car at one point was a Chevelle, around a '71 coupe.

At this present time, I don't think I want to live with anyone. I'm definitely not taking on the role of a wife, which would happen if I lived with someone, and that's why guys are looking for sleepovers. My house is not a hotel and I'm not a personal maid and cook. I'm not looking to take on responsibilities or extra work to have a relationship.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 47
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/12/2018 10:58:09 AM
Henry
I will say that having separate bathrooms is a really, really nice luxury. Not all can afford it, but if you can afford it, do it. And having separate bedrooms so that you can choose when to be together and when to maintain a little separateness, that can also be a good thing.

+1. This is my preference.


I do feel that if you choose not to live under one roof, that may be less than a 100% commitment.

Agreed.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 48
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/12/2018 11:17:38 AM
Sun, one guy I dated told me his house was a mess. If our relationship took off, no way would I want to live with him or have him live with me.
 grover14
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 49
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THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/12/2018 1:01:35 PM
A few years ago, I let the love of my life move into my home. She sold her 4 bedroom home and we move most of her stuff in here. Because her stuff was much nice than mine, I got rid of ALOT of my stuff. Ten months later I had to ask her to leave, and my house ended up nearly empty. I mean she even took the shower curtain and all the spices in the kitchen. Lesson learned!
THE great equalizer for us old farts?
Posted: 5/12/2018 4:11:10 PM

A few years ago, I let the love of my life move into my home. She sold her 4 bedroom home and we move most of her stuff in here. Because her stuff was much nice than mine, I got rid of ALOT of my stuff. Ten months later I had to ask her to leave, and my house ended up nearly empty. I mean she even took the shower curtain and all the spices in the kitchen. Lesson learned!


This hasn't happened to me personally but has happened to quite a few people I know. It's one of the reasons I won't live with another man again. Another is I'm to used to living alone, I think it would irritate the heck out of me to have someone under foot all the time. It's taken a long time to get my house the way I want it, I don't want to have to accommodate someone elses stuff.

I really don't think you have to live with someone to be committed to them.
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