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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?      Home login  
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 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 226
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?Page 10 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

How the hell to you get rid of the suspician that someone only shows interest in you because he wants a temporary sex partner?



Easy. Don't get intimate when barely knowing them. Don't act in a way that allows you to be treated as such.


It is most likely that if you behave like a lady, you will be treated like one. If you banter sexual innuendo with a guy, he is going to consider that an invitation.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 227
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/13/2019 11:43:05 PM
"Not judging here but offering an opinion only. The "shallow types looking for a romp" are most surely attracted to the photos of your well endowed bosum, the thigh high lace stockings and the hooker heel type boots while lying on your bed. Remove those photos and I guarantee that you will have fewer offensive messages."-SurelyIamShirley

I think that is what Inicia was suggesting, but went a different route.

Physically she is very beautiful, but physical attributes are not everything in this world. If she wants to get the "men of integrity", she has to change up her bait. She is attracting more hyenas than lions. So perhaps she needs to change her bait of meat, which attracts them both, to that of scent which only attracts lions.

(stupid metaphor, but what do you expect, it is 1:43 am)
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 228
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 2:02:37 AM
Show the intelligent side with a couple of office outfits.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 229
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 5:00:19 AM
I dont have office outfits. My photos reflect how I look in real life. I have huge boobs, I wear thigh thighs, boots, mini skirts and yoga pants. I'm put off by the idea that I should misrepresent myself so some sex obsessed morons dont treat me subpar. I also suspect clothing doesnt solely inspire it considering that perverts hawk on children and animals right alongside women. Perverts perv, that's what they do, blaming women for their behavior is just a deflection from the choice to be perverts
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 230
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 7:33:31 AM
I get what you are saying but unfortunately wearing clothing such as that will attract mostly hyenas. Sorry, but that's the way it is. Yet, even if you dress conservatively, you will still attract some hyenas...

From what I've learned reading these forums is that guys classify women into 3 types: not dateable for them, good for a romp or two, and potential for a serious relationship. If you are very good-looking, a guy will always consider you for the third category. I'm of medium looks imo and I think a lot of guys don't consider me seriously because I have 3 kids. If I was super hot though, it wouldn't be a problem for them. I listen really closely for any feedback I can get and one thing I seem to always be told is I'm such a nice person. A few guys have told me that and said that's something they really like about me. But I think I'm definitely too much of a people-pleaser. I want a guy to like me so I'm willing to do stuff with him early on that maybe I should wait for. I always tell myself not to but I worry that they won't be interested in me if I don't. I feel like my looks are only average and I'm a single mom so that puts me behind in the attractiveness scale so its like sex is a way for me to bring up my score. Yet I know it might just place me in the "just good for a romp category".
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 231
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:51:43 AM

I'm put off by the idea that I should misrepresent myself so some sex obsessed morons dont treat me subpar.


So in other words, you are dressing in a way that represents who you believe you are.
A very wise person once told me that I should choose between the sexy dress and the classy, subtle sexy dress for a work party, based on how I wanted to be perceived.
Basically, if you wear business attire, people perceive you as an office professional. If you wear the typical construction clothing, you will be perceived as a tradesperson. If you wear yoga pants, T-shirts and runners, you will be perceived as someone who is either comfortable or into physical activities. If you dress and present yourself in a way that objectifies your sexuality, people will perceive you as a sexual person and/or a professional.....and you don't have to be a pervert to think that way.
It is your choice to represent yourself in the way you would like to be perceived and suffer the consequences. You appear to like the attention so why the complaints?
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 232
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:56:40 AM
"I wear thigh thighs, boots, mini skirts and yoga pants. I'm put off by the idea that I should misrepresent myself so some sex obsessed morons dont treat me subpar."-GodlessGal

So you are saying you have the goods in the front window at every moment of your life, even when you are by yourself in your home?
Everyone is an amalgam of different selves we display. You are not a 2 dimensional person. You are more than just a pretty face on a pair of big boobs in tight clothing. Show that other dimension of yourself and perhaps your fortunes will change.

Or not, and continue to attract the creepy guys going after your goodies. Perhaps that does it for you. I have seen weirder.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 233
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 8:57:38 AM
231
So in other words, you are dressing in a way that represents who you believe you are.


I don't think believing who you are has anything to do with it. Doesn't a woman usually dress the way she thinks she looks best?

232
Show that other dimension of yourself and perhaps your fortunes will change.

I wasn't aware she wanted to change anything. If she dressed plain and sat in a library she'd still attract pervs.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 234
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 9:04:59 AM
"I wasn't aware she wanted to change anything. If she dressed plain and sat in a library she'd still attract pervs."-_Rise_Above_This_


She said she would consider an ugly betty make-over. No matter what, a pretty woman with a nice figure will attract pervs, but if she presents a different aspect of herself, a different type of guy might show up.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 235
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 9:05:16 AM

I dont have office outfits. My photos reflect how I look in real life. I have huge boobs, I wear thigh thighs, boots, mini skirts and yoga pants
I totally agree and have said it often, present yourself 'as you are' and those who respond would of already accepted your appearance. that being said, your appearance/how you dress 'suggests' stripper, your profile would rule out plenty (if they read it) and your attitude towards men that you have shown here would send most packing! only a perv would ignore all that and try anyways. all the decent guys passed just by their assumptions on your pic. insulting? maybe, but honest. for what it is worth, I will die lonely and single before a change who I am and how I look.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 236
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 9:31:33 AM
234
She said she would consider an ugly betty make-over.

That was suggested by someone else. No where do I see she wanted to make a change.


No matter what, a pretty woman with a nice figure will attract pervs, but if she presents a different aspect of herself, a different type of guy might show up.

Actually any woman at some point in her life will attract a perv and she doesn't have to be pretty. Of course she would attract normal guys but who's really normal.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 237
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 9:40:26 AM
"How the hell to you get rid of the suspicion that someone only shows interest in you because he wants a temporary sex partner?"

>>ask them EXACTLY what they find attractive in you. that list should cover characteristics you already know are true about you. if he loves how you are in public, but never takes you out in public, you may want to wonder why :)

"guys classify women into 3 types: not dateable for them, good for a romp or two, and potential for a serious relationship. "

>>true in a few cases, and it depends largely on the woman's personality. women tend to attract the quality of partner that they offer to a partner. a woman who knows she doesn't offer a stable, healthy mind, but can get away in life with flaunting her bod, will tend to take the easy path. and why not? ironically, when she reaches that "magic" age when the breasts sag and the skin wrinkles, does she ever say,

oh thank goodness! finally the creeps will leave me alone. I couldn't wait for this to happen.

or does she invest in Oil of Olay and more supportive bras? its almost like the benefits outweigh the negatives.

"Show the intelligent side with a couple of office outfits."

>>.isn't it ironic that when a man "dresses to impress", he wears a suit or a vest and a tie or something that fits a professional office, but if some ladies wants to wear a uniform that tells strangers what type of person she is...she is likely to choose what works for a night out, than a day at the office? (please note, I did not say all women). for some, being attractive is "who they are".

yes, there are perverts out there. and there are muggers, murderers, and financial leeches. we tend to already know how to avoid the last three, and yet be ourselves.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 238
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 10:34:08 AM
I wouldnt consider looking like a school marm because I wont support the notion that someone should be devalued for their appearance. I won't tell men they deserve to be sexually assaulted because they wore shorts and no shirt, just as I wouldnt tell women they deserve to be dehumanized because some idiot blames his refusal to act right on other peoples clothing choices. I would maybe have no photo at all
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 239
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 10:44:45 AM

I wouldnt consider looking like a school marm because I wont support the notion that someone should be devalued for their appearance.


What you don't seem to get is that you're being devalued for your appearance more than a school marm, because you're purposely choosing to dress in a way that sexually objectifies your assets. Then you complain about sex-obsessed morons coming on to you. I think you like the attention.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 240
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 11:01:53 AM
Oh I get just fine that there are many lots out there that will blame their refusal to treat women decently on their clothing choices. It really comes down to what I would rather do: put up with idiots blaming me for their idiocy, or adjust my behavior in order to avoid some of that idiocy. I thought about it the last two days. In the end: I'll just keep telling people off. I'm not going to repress myself to appease some sexist retard.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 241
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 11:14:40 AM

Oh I get just fine that there are many lots out there that will blame their refusal to treat women decently on their clothing choices. It really comes down to what I would rather do: put up with idiots blaming me for their idiocy, or adjust my behavior in order to avoid some of that idiocy.


Women have the right to be treated decently by men while walking alone in the hood at 3 am, too. But the reality is that they will likely get robbed, raped or killed if they attempt it.

Doesn't make it fair - it's just the way things are. Smart women understand this, so they adjust their behavior accordingly. Just because you have the right to do something a certain way, it doesn't always mean it's a good idea.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 242
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 11:20:39 AM
"Oh I get just fine that there are many lots out there that will blame their refusal to treat women decently on their clothing choices. It really comes down to what I would rather do: put up with idiots blaming me for their idiocy, or adjust my behavior in order to avoid some of that idiocy. I thought about it the last two days. In the end: I'll just keep telling people off. I'm not going to repress myself to appease some sexist retard. "- GodlessGal


And thus we come full circle. Oh well, it is not like we don't have plenty of other people who go in circles on this forum.

Hooray for damaged people!
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 243
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 11:24:57 AM

I don't think believing who you are has anything to do with it. Doesn't a woman usually dress the way she thinks she looks best?

Yes. We dress the way we think we look best in appropriate attire for the occasion. I suspect that a lot of us old girls on here could still look great in some skimpy lingerie except that I would wear it in the bedroom with someone very special as I always have. I have too much self respect and confidence in myself to think that I have to sail through life with my titz and azz on display in order to feel beautiful. I actually feel bad for you but you'll learn. We all do.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 244
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 12:18:47 PM
“I actually feel bad for you but you'll learn.”

If she were 13 or 23, I’d say, maybe, probably, but she’s middle aged. I mean, she looks AMAZING for her age and those quickly zipping through her profile might not even realize how old she is but still, she’s not a naïve adolescent – she’s probably the parent of a naïve adolescent or 2.

And with that in mind, she’s so pretty and young-looking for her age that she has a significant advantage over her direct competition. My fellow forties brethren that spend most of their time pursuing 20-somethings likely find her confusing. Similar to how women my age find me confusing because I look as young as their sons.

There is validity to every argument made here including hers. I agree with her in that if I were some guy who hated having my significant other dress that sexily all the time (I’ve been assured there are such men in this world though I don’t understand them at all), then I’d probably feel betrayed if I started dating her based on some misleading bland pictures on her profile and had to ask her to change or wear a coat before every date, or trip to the store. If that’s who she is, then it’s best to know that upfront. But at the same time, she has to be acutely aware at this point in her life (20+ years into online dating and social media histories) what sort of reaction and interest such pictures will get, and complaining about it will get her nowhere: men are going to be men, Me Too be damned. She’s just going to have to filter through a bunch of “pervs” to get to the right guys, just like nearly all other women, to perhaps a lesser degree. True “pervs” harass and assault little children and the elderly in addition to her – what she wears and otherwise looks like matters not much to them.

As for some real advice beyond “suck it up,” as someone else pointed out, best way to avoid such harassment on POF while still being somewhat true to yourself is to hide your profile, do your own searching and contact the men you would want to contact you. That, of course, requires a thick skin, and I hate to say it, but man-like courage – I mean, I’ve been rejected tens of thousands of times on POF, so it just mostly rolls off my back at this point, but most women don’t initiate and a single rejection from that “perfect guy” becomes very damaging to those types and makes them not want to do it again, and I’m afraid you just can’t be like that. Another bit of advice I would also offer for POF is while a little cleavage/tightness and leg are probably more helpful than harmful to your cause, black lacey nylon stockings and a come-hither look on the bed is likely to turn a lot of the right (for you) guys off, because that goes from being public sexy to bedroom sex in public – really, do you wear that anywhere in public besides a Halloween party or some alternative night club? Is that really the “public you” the guy would get to know first? Unless, of course, you’re an Instagram model, in which case, proceed. Gotta keep those followers up to pay the bills!

But the best advice I could give you is screw POF and head over to Bumble and/or Tinder, because unlike POF, “pervs” can’t send you messages on those apps unless you approve them to do so by matching with them. That won’t fix all your problems, but it will fix most of them, no matter what you wear in your profile pics. You may still swipe right on what you consider an attractive looking guy who says all the right things in his profile but turns out to be a perv or a jerk or ahole, but at least he’s the only guy being a problem instead of you getting 100 messages a day from guys that make your hair curl, most of them saying things that make your skin crawl.

So if it’s really not all about the attention in the forums or the ego stroke of getting 100 messages a day from guys even if you don’t like any of them, then do those things, and your OLD life will greatly improve while still being true to yourself.

Happy Valentine's Day! 11 in a row and 22 out of 24 of me not having a date. That used to bother me but now I guess it just rolls off my back...
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 245
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 12:45:35 PM
Well said HawkingJr. Completely spot on from where I am sitting.

I will also cosign the hide your photo, make first contact line of thinking. I used this approach towards the end of my OLD days and it is the main reason why I prefer Bumble today. If a man did/does not respond I just contact someone else. I never dwell on a man who isn't interested and I never ask why.
 GodlessGal
Joined: 10/19/2018
Msg: 246
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 3:23:00 PM
I find it extremely sad to see fellow women pull out the sexist trope that a woman must not have self respect or is damaged if she has cleavage or a short skirt on. It's the same mentality that drove women into toilets to feed their children and sewed scarlet letters onto robes. Men used it to reduce women to property, and women used it to maintain social status in the face of competition. Studies in fact show women use clothing policing and sexist words against fellow women more than men, and its directly related to jealousy.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 247
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 3:45:12 PM
^^^
You have said that
"the type of man attracted to me, is NOT the type of man I am into, is part of my problem."
And
"I ignore 99% of my messages because that is what tries to contact me."

Trust me - no one is jealous of those sorts of things. Sounds dreadful to be honest.

I'm no shrinking wallflower and what would be considered to be conventionally attractive. I'm working with the same curves you are only I am smaller everywhere else so I know what it is to receive attention for certain "assets". I agree with the no photo and make your own contact line of thinking because I know that it worked for me and has worked for many others.

That is the thing about advice - it's free and you can take it or leave it.
 MyTrueCompanion
Joined: 9/20/2018
Msg: 248
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 4:54:42 PM

I find it extremely sad to see fellow women pull out the sexist trope that a woman must not have self respect or is damaged if she has cleavage or a short skirt on. It's the same mentality that drove women into toilets to feed their children and sewed scarlet letters onto robes. Men used it to reduce women to property, and women used it to maintain social status in the face of competition. Studies in fact show women use clothing policing and sexist words against fellow women more than men, and its directly related to jealousy.


agreed
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 249
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 4:54:50 PM
"I'm no shrinking wallflower and what would be considered to be conventionally attractive. I'm working with the same curves you are only I am smaller everywhere else so I know what it is to receive attention for certain "assets". I agree with the no photo and make your own contact line of thinking because I know that it worked for me and has worked for many others.

That is the thing about advice - it's free and you can take it or leave it."-spot4username

I honestly doubt she will take your sound advice. As someone said earlier, I think she likes the attention it gives her.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 250
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 2/14/2019 5:06:15 PM

I find it extremely sad to see fellow women pull out the sexist trope that a woman must not have self respect or is damaged if she has cleavage or a short skirt on. It's the same mentality that drove women into toilets to feed their children and sewed scarlet letters onto robes. Men used it to reduce women to property, and women used it to maintain social status in the face of competition. Studies in fact show women use clothing policing and sexist words against fellow women more than men, and its directly related to jealousy
fairly obvious that what you wear isn't the real issue but rather a tool to create drama. the drama you need to introduce your real agenda! your posts wreak of man hater! you dress to tease only so you can prove men are pervs and use womens rights as a weapon to put men down! take your REAL agenda to 'off topic' and say what you mean rather than bait and attack.
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