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 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 126
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Mustang, it really helps if a person starts with physical activity when they're young. I was very physical with caring for horses and bike riding as a teen. I bought my first set of weights when I was 18. Not everyone is blessed with what's considered good looks, but everyone can have a fit body. Some people find physical fitness when they get hit with a medical issue.

Ya know, if you put a woman on a pedestal, she would put you on one too. That's how it works, treat a person how you want to be treated.

Blondie still isn't mowing her lawn herself? Does she actually suffer from depression? I think $35 sounds exorbitant, unless she has acerage.

Some people can feel shy about receiving compliments. I'm that way. I was shoe shopping on Sunday and another shopper complimented my hair. A girl in Costco did also, then handed me a JW pamphlet☺ I then had to wonder if she was genuine with the compliment, but it certainly wasn't going to make me change religions.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 127
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/5/2018 8:15:16 PM
"To look sexually attractive does not require being a gym-rat."

>>>Hawking would likely agree, he seems to have a decent shape yet complains about lack of attention. But, I also suspect women are visually-oriented, too. some of us dudes just have to approach more women and play the numbers games (I just hate numbers games, is all) instead of waiting for them to show interest in us and confirm for us we are able to attract women so hard, they overcome their habit of letting the man make the first move.

"If one wants to mow down "home cooked" aka fatty meals all the time packing on the pounds, yeah, it's going to take a lot more to shed that and put it in line to keep a healthy (sexy) body."
"its habit/comfort zone that keeps people from having a decent looking body"

>>>exactly. some people love to eat good food (sweet coarse pumpernickel bread, or cornbread with molasses, potatoes fried golden brown and soaked in malt vinegar and dusted with sea salt...terrible things for diabetics, but man, how can you pass 'em up? :) ). others like to exercise (trust me, if you didn't like exercise, you wouldn't do it, just like you don't slam your head against the concrete wall). Exercise itself may be work, but you love how it feels to accomplish it. Or you love the challenge of adding another weight on the bar. Or you enjoy being that person making your appearance better. Or you go to the gym and enjoy being part of the group.

When in college i'd walk the 4 miles to campus b/c it saved me the cost of transport and I could use that to pay bills so I didn't have to have a roommate. It helped a lot when i broke my hip senior year--I recouped in 3 or 4 weeks and was back to 4 miles in 50 minutes. I'll mow an acre with a walk-behind mower, but otherwise exercise is never a conscious thought or instinct with me. If i'm watching a movie on TV, i'll think of grabbing something to snack on before I grab the stationary foot-pedaler device. wake up early to jog in the cold or sleep later? its not even a decision. but I respect those who can even think about exercising. it takes willpower, it takes a desire to be uncomfortable.

Of course, "comfort zone" is also where those of us used to being turned down for dates live :) I was active as a kid, but right now, I enjoy being comfortable, not uncomfortable. working out isn't a choice for me, b/c in order for it to be a choice, i'd have to...think about it, and then make a decision. It doesn't even occur to me to do something that leaves me sore, tired, sweaty, etc. But I can think about how I need to mow the lawn, which will leave me sweaty and wanting to nap in A/C cooled sheets after a pore-opening, sinus clearing shower.

on another take, I can easily curb my spending, and know plenty who just can't do it. Retail therapy is just instinctive to them. So I get instinctive behavior, blessings (not religious ones, obviously, but some of us have benefits or gifts or whatever you wish to call them that others do not have--why not be happy to have 'em?), and willpower. i'm not saying that enjoying food far more than enjoying the discomfort of exercise is somehow a better way to go thru life. I'd love to enjoy exercise enough to actually want to do it on such a regular basis that it shows any results (Assuming i'm genetically disposed to do so). But I only do it when it occurs to me I should do it to lower blood pressure, avoid onset diabetes, etc. the rest of my life, i'm looking for enjoyment and pleasure :)

(maybe if I was a bad cook, that would help, lol)

"It's only a Blessing when one can swill down some beer on the weekends and choke down grandma's pork chops & mashed potatoes every night and Still have a decent looking body Without working out at all."

>>>Science calls that, teenage metabolism :) and taken from the viewpoint of my age, its a blessing alright!

"Ya know, if you put a woman on a pedestal, she would put you on one too."

>>>Actually, my life proves otherwise. Pig will argue about how she will lack respect, and at times he's totally right. but other times, she's only going to put on a pedestal...a guy who totally rocks her world. And honestly, if an ugly woman puts me on a pedestal, I will not biologically return the favor. As for my friend, yep, she's feeling the effects of what she had to take after the lung infection, and she's probably depressed as well and has 6 decades of knowing how to get guys to do things :) But $35 is good in her area (yuppieland), $50 for an acre of lawn is perfectly normal. i'd accept less when I did it after she broke her collarbone, b/c she doesn't want to be a charity case friend (everyone here who wants women to pay for dates would love her :) ). pretty much, I go, mow, she buys lunch, we take her convertible b/c she's not supposed to be using heavy machinery, and we play with her dogs until I leave before rush hour. so she's smart enough to make a day of it, and likely just doesn't want to be alone either.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 128
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/6/2018 11:26:48 PM
I think women that will disrespect or take advantage of a man are the ones you don't want to put on a pedestal, or even go out with. Not putting that type on a pedestal will not improve who they are. If you choose wisely, you should cherish that person, and want to do as much as possible for them, and they should be doing the same for you. I prefer the word cherish over putting a woman or man on a pedestal. Have you ever loved anyone? If not, it may be hard to understand the concept.

If you have a car you love, you should want to make sure it's well cared for, protected, outfitted with nice wheels. You look look at it, drive it, and that makes you feel good. A person should give you that same feeling. I think it's more about you not wanting to put the effort in with a woman, perhaps thinking women aren't worth the effort. If you only want sex, and not companionship too, the momentary sex may not be enough to motivate you, and that's one reason why some men want to use pros.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 129
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 4:15:00 AM

I wouldn't imagine that music would change my mind about getting sore and sweaty.


No one is saying you have to put yourself through a torturous Mr. Olympia regimen. Far from it. Just walking and working with light weights can do wonders. Sweaty? Try living in a state that's hot 80% of the year with stifling humidity.


"blessed with willpower"


Willpower is no blessing, either. Again, a decision.


others like to exercise (trust me, if you didn't like exercise, you wouldn't do it, just like you don't slam your head against the concrete wall)


That's not a valid comparison. There's no benefit to slamming your head into a wall. It's a love/hate relationship. I'm sure most people would rather be healthy and fit without exercising, but that's just not how it works for the most part.


and at times he's totally right. but other times, she's only going to put on a pedestal...a guy who totally rocks her world.


"He's always right" would be more fitting. No one should pedestalize anyone. Period. I'm beginning to wonder if people truly understand the meaning of the word.


Or you go to the gym and enjoy being part of the group.


I do my weight training at home. I spew far too many high decibel level profanities and noises for a public gym to tolerate.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 130
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 5:46:17 AM
Agreed, I wouldn't put a disrespectful woman on a pedestal....once I got to know she was that :) to blend what you said about love, and Pig said about pedestals, its unfair to put a person up on one--they have to live up to our standards, or risk getting some "punishment" from us (wrath, ignoring them, etc). We should love what we see, not what we wish we saw in a person. someone looking for the perfect partner, b/c of what winning over that person means, may have romantic notions before they even meet for the first date, that the poor partner has to live up to. Of course,there are times we just wished we had something awesome in our lives. Someone may really want a beautiful car just to have beauty in their lives, and ignore its lousy gas mileage and high theft rate and so on.

as for putting in the effort, alas...the problem is finding someone worth putting the effort into :) and then you have to convince that person that they should put effort into you. Consider how many posts are here about dating burnout. the standards that people ask from profiles...is that pedestalizing?

Walking and light weights are fine, but they haven't done a thing to slim me down or bulk me up. To "work on my appearance" to be the best I can, is going to require...a workout that leaves me sore, tired and sweaty. And a diet. There has to be intensity, and i'm sure my body isn't the only one that needs more than light workout, in order to "Become the best foot forward" you had mentioned a few pages back. personally, I find willpower a blessing just b/c its such a great tool in life, and some people learn it, some are born with it, and many don't have it in specific situations. we can agree to disagree on it, but I love the willpower I have for certain scenarios. If exercise and saving for retirement had instant benefits ("runner's high", for example, or in my case, walk behind a mower for an hour, have a nice mown lawn to look at), people wouldn't need willpower to do either one--they'd be doing it for the instant benefits.

I do my weights at home, and that's my prob--its boring work, and I get easily distracted by something more interesting and playful :) Also, I remember a teen telling me back when I was one myself, to go blow $80 at her hairdresser, and I thought i'd rather spend that on books. we present a lot of ourselves to other people--intelligence, appearance, personality, etc. some of us, however, might focus on one more than on others, to offer to other people the person we see in our minds. someone might not see themselves as the best looking person in the room, but maybe the smartest or most entertaining, and perhaps they focus on one or two things rather than polish the whole package.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 131
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 6:06:46 AM
He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. ~Benjamin Franklin

No expectations = no disappointments?

I just look for a mutual mental and physical attraction. If it isn't there I am not really paying attention to those who may be attracted to me when it isn't mutual. /shrug/
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 132
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 7:59:46 AM
not to argue with the man who titled his book, "Fart Proudly", but a man or woman who can make GOOD excuses, may have a career in creative writing :)

The fewer expectations we have...well, we may still find someone who turns out to be a jerk, to be a disappointment. We should have some sort of filter. But at the other end of the spectrum, yes, is demanding too much from some profile of some stranger we see online--oh no, they are wearing sunglasses in their profile, they say they want the man to pay, and so on. Some things are red flags, and the rest is us being too picky. Tho by now I can pretty much look at a woman and read if i'm in her league or not :)

sometimes we glamourize someone, or something we've spotted, b/c we want a little excitement in our life. Hey, lookit that! wouldn't it be cool to have that house in Maui? (oh wait, they're having a lava issue). We daydream of better things, but so long as we don't try to make unrealistic things into reality, its harmless.

Pig had mentioned about how men who complain about their looks, should do something about it. I agree we should do something about our rough edges...and obviously, some are born with fewer rough edges than others :) I think we should be honest about our pluses as well as our minuses. Getting credit for our awesomeness may be embarrassing at the time we're glorified, but hey...if you're really stellar at something, then shine like a diamond. You have an advantage there, and you may not elsewhere. For me to have a figure like Hawking or Pig (assuming I have the genes, science still isn't 100% sure about that), i'd have to change my diet and exercise much harder than I do--science does agree with that. Alas, I love my food and my comfort. I'd love to have the willpower of those who do it, I admire it, but my pursuits are not their pursuits. the only exercise I do is in the pursuit of instant gratification--mowing a lawn, walking an outdoor event, and at this moment, bench-pressing an automobile starter with my weak hand while trying to find the #$$$%#ing bolt holes blocked from view by that 10lb starter in the shadows with my other hand. what an absolute frustrating PITA job. but if I was going to grab 10lbs of weight and hold it up with my weak hand for exercise? I wouldn't even imagine going out to do it. But b/c its part of getting a car running, NOW i'm doing the exercise :)

if we aren't mutually interested in someone interested in us...biologically, we don't even notice them until they make their interest known. growing up I heard attractive women complain about how men didn't have the guts to approach them, and I pointed out how many nerds had hit on them. they hadn't even noticed, b/c out of all the stimuli in a day, they didn't have time to waste on things they don't want.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 133
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 8:10:12 AM
Exercise to me is part enjoyment in doing it, and part enjoyment in seeing the results.

Yes, part of physical build is genetic, but a key component of any guy's build is willingness to work at it, to make it better, to maximize it.

Personally, I believe if a person isn't making a semblance of effort to make their body better through exercise, they shouldn't be here complaining about not getting dates with women they want. A nice build on a guy is appreciated by almost all women. I don't know who these guys are, who think they can have a belly and a flabby arms and butt and still believe they're doing their best to attract women. Not.

I hated my body when I was a preteen/teen etc cuz I was so skinny....but after about say, age 25, I began to realize what a blessing it was..cuz I could eat and drink whatever, and with a little weight training I could still get great muscle definition without layers of fat hiding it. I could work hard, and get massive definition and I discovered that a lot of women, even most, like definition vs. "muscle bound" bulk. The difference between say, a competitive swimmer's build and a bodybuilder's build.

And to this date, at my age, I can chug a vat of grease with no worry bout weight gain. And with working with weights, not heavy mind you, I still maintain good muscle definition even at my age. And exercise maintains testosterone levels in men. It's all such a no brainer it's a wonder why so many men don't figure this easy one out..

Personally I can't imaging going through life without devoting yourself to some type of exercise regimen. Couldn't imagine it. But you can sure tell at the pool who does and who doesn't. lol
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 134
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 9:00:42 AM
"personally, I believe any guy unwilling to work at a better body thru exercise, shouldn't complain about not attracting the women who put in the effort to look their best"

>>>I changed your quote b/c I agree with this point. a woman exercises, or diets on salad, or does makeup or buys the more expensive form-fitting clothes, or suffers thru high heels, to look her best. If i'm far more interested in picking up a book than picking up a weight (ironically I type this waiting to drain the lactic acid out of my arm, the car starter isn't bolted in yet and i'm going to have to wrestle some more with its weight), then I shouldn't whine that my actions and inactions lead to predictable results.

i'd say you are lucky that you can get definition (isn't that usually from losing the body fat between muscles?), if I hit the weights all I get is lean. I was lean as a kid, so I know already the dating results a lean body gets. Walking 4 miles to campus so I could spend the transportation money I saved on other things, didn't impress the babes :) But it was beneficial to be in shape, I broke my hip in two places my senior year and recooperated in three weeks, which the doc said he had never seen before. 9 miles a day taught me a lesson, and I used to walk a lot more until recently (I lived in a city, easier when there's sidewalks--now I have narrow country roads, so any walking means getting into the car and driving somewhere to walk and get chewed by mosquitos, which of course feels contradictory :) ). But exercise has been a hit or miss thing...either I did it to accomplish some other goal, or i'd get a fitness mag in the mail, do it for a few days, then get sick of being sore and tired and do something much more fun.

its good to make exercise a habit, get a regime to stick to and you are correct--its very easy at the beach, or in the dog days of summer around here when no one's wearing their parka, to tell who has the discipline and who does not. and I don't begrudge women finding discipline sexy....well, physical discipline. Being able to save for retirement requires willpower and discipline, but doesn't stir the loins :)
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 135
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 9:51:28 AM
Mustang:
(ironically I type this waiting to drain the lactic acid out of my arm, the car starter isn't bolted in yet and i'm going to have to wrestle some more with its weight), then I shouldn't whine that my actions and inactions lead to predictable results.
I think you missed your era, Mustang. Well, you may remember the daze (or maybe you're not old enough) when spinning a wrench could be real attribute in spinning a wench...as in the dude with the baddest car in HS attracting the girl cuz of that. And she'd be sitting there in the garage with you as you worked, twirling her hair and chewing gum, maybe even holding something for you (no, not THAT...or maybe that lol).....while you twirled wrenches... just waiting when she could be seen with you riding round town, and maybe winning an illicit drag race or two, then off to the drive in. I think for the most part, those daze are gone. So.....to the gym!

And more than many guys here, you seem to be pretty content with your choices...fair enough and more power to ya.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 136
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 10:31:55 AM
as an amateur historian, I think I missed many eras :) I do remember when a cool car counted for something, I graduated in '87 before the prices for muscle cars really took off. Kids with fathers who knew how to spin a wrench and access to money (their's or Daddy's) could pick up an SS396 first gen Camaro (one hot girl who's dad owned a body shop had a black 1968, but the 396 was replaced by a wimpy 305 so she wouldn't crash it), and I remember one lass complaining her 64 impala with a 283 got only 10mpg...she would have been far happier with a new 4 cylinder econocomuter. these were still old cars, albeit toys, not investment pieces like today. actually if I had a kid today, i'd want them to have a new pony car with all the safety equipment...but with the low power engine option, and let them work their way up thru experience. a 300hp V6 is still enough trouble. actually, i'd probably want them to have a truck, and teach them to always help others with it.

I suspect the good lookin' fellows had the pretty gals in their garages, I had my own bungalow, no roomates, when I was 18 and in college and getting people to visit (admittedly, I didn't drink or do drugs) was the proverbial pulling of teeth. but when I could get a gf, she would suddenly be into cars, would show up at car shows to bump into me (until I got the hint she wanted me to ask her out :) ) and then after the breakup, I never saw 'em at car shows again :)

Meanwhile, I got both starter bolts in, but only halfway, and i'm not stripping threads in a 455 block, so tomorrow i'll try my luck and see what the heck i'm not seeing today. its up on ramps, so everything's at a 45 degree angle, I must just be missing the proper angle the bolts should go in. at least its closer than it was this morning, only the wires attached, sitting on a pile bricks below the header on one side and the deep sump oil pan on the other--its like a gynecologist doing heart surgery :)

The nice thing about a gym body is, its with you everywhere you go. My "barn-find" appearing 4-4-2 sits in the parking lot wherever I go :) But even with that car, i'm more interested in its performance than its looks. People wonder when i'm going to paint it, and that only means i'll have to replace the chrome, then the vinyl top, then the interior, then the windshield, then the window felt, then....but for now, I can use it as a car and park it at Walmart and not care. Which probably explains a little, my view of gyms and physical appearances :) I'd love a custom paint job on my car, but I don't want to do all the work (new chrome, etc) that really has to go along with it. But I sure admire those who do it on their car--i'm doing a 4 hour round trip in a few hours to look at a thousand or so who have. they are them, and I am me :)

we all have an idea of what's important to us, and as long as we can be content with it...we are our own versions of success, right? aside from the usual occaisional Beeching &Moaning about life. its very beneficial to be healthy and active early in life--if your parents get you into martial arts, ballet, etc where you stretch your leg muscles regularly, i'm sure you have a flexibility later in life, even when you give up these sports to pursue girls or college or whatever. but to get into those activities, tends to take parents will to pay the dues and shuttle us to games. so, like willpower, that could very well be something we were blessed to have growing up.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 137
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 10:40:31 AM
Mustang, we're talking being in shape to make dating easier, but I think more importantly, you/anyone should do it for their health. What I'm thinking about is that there may come a time in my life when I can't exercise, perhaps due to some age-related problems people can have. At that time, being in shape can help carry you thru the rest of your years.

Ewww, salad! I do high protein when I want to shed weight. On an every day basis, I eat whatever I want. Nothing is off the menu, it's about moderation. Without weight loss, muscle definition will not be seen. I've seen plenty of those men at the gym. For me, what's optimum is doing a fun activity to stay in shape, then it's not like work. In NY, I had a bike I always used, but I also had a stationary bike facing the tv. The weights I use at home are in my living room, and I use them while watching tv. When I belonged to a gym, I did the elliptical with a book in front of me.

With all this said, most importantly, you have to be happy with yourself for where you're at. A person that's in better shape than me would be telling me to do more. I'm content when where I'm at.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 138
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 12:10:58 PM

He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.


Troof.

I am no hokey inspirational guru the likes of Tony Robbins, but for the life of me, I can't understand the mindset of wanting something that is attainable and deciding to throw in the proverbial towel instead.
I've heard excuses from those in my age group for quite some time now, and I tell them all the same thing - your 60 & 70-something you is going to hate himself/herself for not realizing just how capable the 40-something you really was.


the standards that people ask from profiles...is that pedestalizing?


I'm not sure what this means. Pedestalizing is when you place an exaggerated value on someone, and usually at your own expense.


I find willpower a blessing


You said earlier there were no religious implications behind the word "blessing". What is it, then?


and I discovered that a lot of women, even most, like definition vs. "muscle bound" bulk.


This is true. MEN are the only ones who care about the size pissing contest. There's a reason why Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno were never People magazine's ''Sexiest Man Alive". I have no desire whatsoever to be any bigger. Another 20lbs of mass would make me look like a gorilla and surely slow me down
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 139
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 2:51:19 PM
The gym is way too over rated and over hyped by society. So is being fit. Gyms make their money from people paying and not going.
Diet and portion size is far more important than a gym subscription.j
Fitness and exersize is important to boost the metabolism, heart and circulatory health and muscles. It has maybe a 15% role in weightloss unless you are going to be doing many many hours a day.

Like trust me, when I moved houses I did like 10 hours of work daily for weeks and only shed about 3kg total lol. It boosted my metabolism so much though to the point that even after gaining some of the 3kg back, that when I ate better food aka soy milk and toast vs pizza roll + coffee I lost that plus more and it didn't stop.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 140
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 3:22:44 PM
I really do need to reply sooner so I don't have to produce a wall of text to respond to it all when I finally do.

*

Dog comments: Not sure about the wisdom of starting a relationship with a lie about the dog dying (although, interestingly, my favorite dog of my mother’s died last year at 14 but he had become so old that it was difficult to get him to take a good picture with me by the time I decided I needed one for OLD). Just having a picture with a dog is not a lie, though some may argue it is a lie-by-omission, same as not mentioning my height in my profile. I also can’t just go grab the dog for a dog park date, since my mother lives 500 miles from me. Either of my local best friends would probably let me use their dogs, but those dogs truly look like “girls’ dogs.” You know, “purse dogs.” Plus one of them is racist and only barks at me among all my friends’ relatives and friends. My most recent match on Tinder kept circling back to the dog no matter how I tried to steer the conversation in another direction and I finally gave up on her a few weeks ago (she’s obviously dog-obsessed from all the dogs in her pictures).

Several of my FB friends commented on how much my expression was similar to the dog’s so I figured it must be true and used it as a comment. However, I literally have more than 50 takes of that picture in which the dog is looking every which we but loose (and sometimes, even loose).

“It's not purely height, but you'll be coming up in gals' thumbnails -- no searching required”

But I must have been coming in women’s thumbnails outside searching before this pic, yet I sometimes went months without views. Now I rarely go a day without a view.

Julystorm (sorry I did not reply until you disappeared): Very interesting post. I must say, I really don't see myself ever using a woman just for sex, as I've gotten to the point where I really have to like the woman and feel like she thinks the same of me before sex with her seems like it's going to do me any good. Hence, many years of celibacy going on here (some of my female friends can't believe how many years it's been because that does not compute to them, either from their point of view of the need for sex, or from what they know of men). That said, I don't want to give anybody the idea that I'm a sex=relationship person. But it's become very difficult for me to think of a woman sexually that I don't find attractive, whereas most other guys (and maybe formerly me) can. I'm much more about mutually-attracted companionship than sex for sex's sake. The latter actually makes me feel abnormal, and the worst feeling I carry around with me all the time is being abnormal, on the borderline of not even being human. Which, by the way, was my all-time favorite rejection: "But you're not even human!" Maybe she had a point.

“Write every single one of them.”

I have written every one of them that I find attractive enough. It’s interesting that I get a higher percentage of responses from women that first looked at my profile AFTER I wrote them as opposed to the ones that looked my profile first. I’m a firm believer that the average non-forum woman probably isn’t going to make the first move on POF, yet there’s also pretty strong evidence my case that most views-without-contact are in fact rejections, not shyness.

“Hawking, when you used Bumble (calling the shots yourself when your female friends weren't doing the swiping for you), did you notice if the population on Bumble is a lot whiter, less diverse than on POF and Tinder?”

Yes. Bumble is WAY whiter and less diverse than POF and Tinder in my area. And the non-white ones are far more likely to be college-educated/upscale/sophisticated/etc. on Bumble than Tinder, but that’s probably to some extent raw numbers (Tinder just has way more of everything). That first paragraph of yours is exactly my experience.

“Another thing I noticed on Bumble is they're more likely to mention their height and to request a minimum height, also the ones who post their height are almost all taller than average for women (if I remember correctly, average woman in real life is 5'4", and most Bumble women who disclose height are at least 5'8" with quite a few 6'+ (maybe some were born as men?))”

Yeah, that’s kind of true but probably not as strong of correlation as in paragraph 1. But you also have to understand this: OLD in general has a highly disproportionate number of short men and tall women, because they’re the last ones left in this stupid game of musical chairs we call dating, with all the tall men/short women couples out there, and tall women have pretty much figured that out. My best friend introduced me to one of her high school friends a couple weeks ago (which means she’s in her 40s), and this fairly tall woman was knowingly being juggled by a tall kinda rich guy she met online, along with several other women, one of whom he considered his “real” girlfriend. I asked her why she let him do this to her and she point blank told me “Well, there aren’t a whole lot of tall good-looking [aka wealthy] guys left out there for me. I was pretty mad when I found out I wasn’t his only girlfriend and almost broke up with him, but I figure one day I’ll win him over.” Uh-huh.

“What makes the women who messaged you seem unintelligent? Do they have dumb facial expressions? If they send messages, is the writing uneducated / stupid? I realize it doesn't seem smart to swipe yes on a headless photo showing a sleeveless arm.”

I don’t use a headless photo on Tinder and Bumble. In fact, I don’t even use that picture at all. Sometimes I use the Badlands pic for the main pic but usually it’s the dog pic (see paragraph 1). As for how to tell if they’re unintelligent – they WRITE unintelligently. That said, I know most women are not professional writers (like I arguably am since I’ve been paid for writing several times). Not to mention, writing on a phone like most women do nowadays is seriously taxing so I get why most of them don’t write a lot in their messages (if their profiles aren’t properly written, though, that’s just laziness or “I’m so hot I don’t need to write” attitude). Trust me, I can definitely tell the difference between “I’m getting a million messages and am writing on a phone but am still interested in you and am fairly intelligent” vs. “I flunked out in 8th grade, whachu gonna do bout dat?”

“Bottom 1% sounds like hyperbole.”

Pure statistics. According to Match, only 10% of women will date a man my height, only 33% of women will date a man my ethnicity, only 1% of women will date a man with my height-ethnicity combination. But that’s online. I suppose in real life if you’re Kevin Hart or Prince, the stats are a little difference.

“Or considered a mail order bride or GF?”

You sound exactly like my best friend. At least you have the excuse of not knowing everything about me that makes that idea absurd. I produced a moderate hit microbudget indie, not a Bruckheimer blockbuster. I’m just an average American Joe with a lot of debt. The average Ukrainian woman can do a lot better than that. Which is also why I’m not traveling much this year – I did cover a LOT of the US the last 3 years (plus Mexico and Canada) but a European or South American or East Asian trip would probably cost about as much as all those trips combined.

“I always thought educated black women had a shortage of educated black men (or black men, period, given the number of incarcerated) from which to choose.”

I’ve lived in and mostly worked in places with very few black women and do not attend a black church – that likely contributes to this phenomenon, but your general assessment of this situation is largely correct for the US as a whole. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: a lot of dating problems are LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Nowhere being truer than that for me than the place I grew up, which was nearly all white AND just about the most racist place on earth. But even here is not as diverse, young and densely populated as most people would think Central Florida would be – actually, it’s not young at all, it is the oldest-skewing major metro in the country. My life would probably be a lot different had I settled in young skewing and open-minded Orlando or Denver or Seattle or ridiculously diverse and dense NYC. There’s 4 million people in this area, but you have to drive over an hour to get to some of them and more than half are older than me. I would like to think, the older I get, the more similar I become to the population I’m in, but then I remember, the ones my age are the same ones that tortured me in my childhood and voted for Trump in 2016.

“Actually, someone has mentioned this, maybe you're listening to your female friends too much.”

On one hand, I feel like women know what they like better than men. On the other hand, the successful men are often those that women CLAIM they like the least. I will say this much: I don’t think an attractive woman is a great “wingman.” Most women don’t seem to like the idea of dating a guy with attractive female friends. That’s one of reasons why I have almost no pictures of me with other people on my profiles (the other main one being because it’s easy to tell how short I am in pictures with other people and if it’s tall girls/guys, makes me look even shorter than I really am): nearly every picture I’ve taken with another person over the past several years is with a woman or women, since all of my closest friends are female.

“is that really so no men shorter ??? when i do a search i specify 5'5 to 6'5 i do get men in that height range?do taller women show up on a man's ??? (if interest is opposite sex...)”

See what other guy said about how POF won’t show women men taller than themselves except if the woman specifically requests it in a search.

“My early teens were absolutely horrific when it came to girls and I went through some unusually horrible shit with them at the time, yet I still thought I was awesome.”

You be one of the lucky ones, as far as how your brain is built. That said, I spent my developing years being TOLD I was rejected because of 2 factors I could not change and still as an adult I see that scientifically those are 2 factors most women don’t care for, so it’s a little different than being rejected because of your personality... which you can change. I do recall getting into a few debates back in the good ol’ days in which some women on here claimed women are more likely to tell a guy she won’t date him because he’s too short or the wrong race or ugly than the real reason, which is personality-based, because a physical reason-rejection prevents (SOMETIMES) the guy from trying to keep dating him by claiming he can change his personality for her. Quite frankly, I really have no reason to believe a woman that’s taller than me telling me she won’t date me because I’m short is lying. Anyway, my original point was that it’s much easier to keep thinking you’re awesome when you’re getting rejected because girls “don’t understand you” than it is when they are, basically in unison, telling you it’s because you are highly unattractive or a sin before God. From age 0 through 18, not one woman (besides my mother) ever told me I was attractive or worth dating. And really that carried on through college. But maybe that was my fault.

WORKING OUT: I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep this up. I just came back from my umpteenth orthopedist appointment of the past year. I hairline stress fractured my femur (a very difficult thing to do) back in April from running 15-20 miles a day (originally thought I had blown out my knee, was surprised to find out it was not that). For the past 6 months I’ve been rehabbing an impingement (assumed it was a rotator cuff) in my right shoulder and only the past couple months have been able to work out again. As most of you are aware, my left arm has been disabled since a major injury during a powerlifting competition in college so I was basically functioning with no fully working arms for a while. I am in significant pain all over and am having much difficult keeping my 2 hour daily and 8 hour weekend workout routine and I am constantly super-tired since I’ve never been much of an eater or sleeper. It doesn’t really seem like it’s worth it since I’ve seen no proof whatsoever that it’s help land me a date (the only period of my life in which I’ve had dates was when I was out of shape, though not fat). I did win the “Hottest Middle Age Body” award bestowed upon me by the women attending my best friend’s Independence Day beach party last year and it’s looking pretty good this year, but unfortunately every single one of those women voting was married and the only single females there were their daughters and their friends (aka, half my age).

“Try living in a state that's hot 80% of the year with stifling humidity.”

Last summer (but not this summer because I can’t run with the fractured femur), I ran 5 miles consecutively most Saturday and Sunday early afternoons – 95 degree heat all the way. THAT was a LOT of fun. Not. This summer I’m stuck on an inclined treadmill, which is hella boring compared to being chased by dogs, mama ducks and the occasional alligator, and dodging cars, usually in the dark because I ran much more in the early mornings (still 75 degrees at sunrise!). Because I’m one-armed (at least now, was no-armed), I also do all my upper body workouts at home with dumbbells, as most gyms are very 2-arm oriented, especially with machines, so I don’t get the social value most people like my best friend (a crossfit fanatic) get out of working out. That said, back in the competitive powerlifting days I was in school gyms for hours on end and very rarely made any friends, though as a bench press record-contender, obviously I was always in need of spots (whose minds were usually blown by 300 pound benches). I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman at a gym. Then again, I don’t approach them, because I’ve been warned most women don’t like that (would be different in a class, like crossfit or spin class or whatever, which is stuff I can’t do due to the left arm, except the spinning, which I just hate – see treadmill above).

There is arguably not a reason for me to get much buffer, but despite at times having been among the “strongest men in the world pound-per-pound,” I have never had a Zac Efron 6 pack or anything closely resembling it and I’ve found that greatly frustrating, which is pretty my aim for this year’s “contest” – but with just 4 weeks left until the party and my body literally falling apart, I have my doubts I can accomplish that on time this year – or really ever. Genetics are strongly working against me on that. If I lose much more weight (which is getting close to impossible), it’ll probably be arm/chest muscle instead of belly fat. Again, genetics.

“Hawking would likely agree, he seems to have a decent shape yet complains about lack of attention.”

Nothing frustrates me more in life in the amount of effort I have put into making myself something women find attractive, only to fail miserably. But I’m sure several people are about to tell me “You may have put a ton of effort into making yourself look the best you could possibly look on the outside, but you haven’t really worked on the inside, which is what matters after you catch their eyes.” Have I caught any woman’s eye? Doubtful. Most of the women willing to forgive shortness are the same women who also couldn’t care if my BMI was 20 or 100, or so has been my experience (see above). On that note:

“I just look for a mutual mental and physical attraction. If it isn't there I am not really paying attention to those who may be attracted to me when it isn't mutual.”

That seems 100% accurate. And, as with most things, works out best for attractive people.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 141
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 5:12:43 PM

Pure statistics. According to Match, only 10% of women will date a man my height, only 33% of women will date a man my ethnicity, only 1% of women will date a man with my height-ethnicity combination. But that’s online. I suppose in real life if you’re Kevin Hart or Prince, the stats are a little difference.


I skimmed through your post but this stuck out to me: where did these numbers come from?
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 142
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 7:44:12 PM

I am no hokey inspirational guru the likes of Tony Robbins, but for the life of me, I can't understand the mindset of wanting something that is attainable and deciding to throw in the proverbial towel instead.


The summer between my junior and senior year of high school was the first change I made. I was tired of not attracting chicks so I lost 65 pounds by the time I graduated.

Schwarzenegger's physique back in the day was way more ideal than the freaks that are out there now. He had that great V taper and no bloated roid gut.



I really do need to reply sooner so I don't have to produce a wall of text to respond to it all when I finally do.


That's not a wall of text?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 143
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/7/2018 8:46:32 PM

MachIMustangII
My "barn-find" appearing 4-4-2 sits in the parking lot wherever I go :) But even with that car, i'm more interested in its performance than its looks. People wonder when i'm going to paint it, and that only means i'll have to replace the chrome, then the vinyl top, then the interior, then the windshield, then the window felt, then....but for now, I can use it as a car and park it at Walmart and not care. Which probably explains a little, my view of gyms and physical appearances :) I'd love a custom paint job on my car, but I don't want to do all the work (new chrome, etc) that really has to go along with it. But I sure admire those who do it on their car--i'm doing a 4 hour round trip in a few hours to look at a thousand or so who have. they are them, and I am me :)



4-4-2 fast? Kinda. But not really.

Looking at this article

https://jalopnik.com/256640/crowning-the-king-of-1970-buick-gsx-vs-chevy-chevelle-ss-vs-olds-442-vs-pontiac-gto-judge

A 1970 4-4-2 with the 455 V8 was capable of 14.2 in the quarter mile. I gotta tell you, my Ford ecoboost pickup truck is slightly quicker than that.

Now a vintage 4-4-2 has much more of a “cool” factor, I will readily admit that. But I wouldn’t want one that looked bad. Just me, YMMV.

When I was a kid, I learned to drive in an old Chevy pickup. Around a 50 or 51 model, I don’t really remember now. One of my father’s friends had a 1954 Ford pickup, in which he transplanted an Oldsmobile V8 engine. Now that was a cool truck. And the first car I actually owned was a 1949 Chevy (set me back $35, if you can believe that.) So yes, I understand the appeal of the classics. But if I had one, I would be working ceaselessly to make it better. Prettier, shinier, faster, more dependable, all of the above.

I just don’t get a mind set that would own a classic like a 4-4-2, and be satisfied leaving it looking like a “barn find”. Which absolutely doesn’t mean that I’m right and you’re wrong, we just have different attitudes about this.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 144
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/8/2018 5:46:23 AM

Posted By: ohenryx on 6/7/2018 1032 PM
Subject: Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Message

the first car I actually owned was a 1949 Chevy (set me back $35, if you can believe that.)


I can believe it. My first car was a 1950 Chevy that mom bought me for my 16th birthday. She bought it from the original owner for $25. Mine looked like the one in the photo below it had the fastback design like a 1949 but the title said it was a 1950. My best friend had a 1949 too with the same body.

http://img.scgpix.com/listimg/img1_1215/04/img_OnwBm3oH47.jpg
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 145
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/8/2018 6:14:16 AM
"I can't understand the mindset of wanting something attainable but throwing in the towel instead"

>>>neither do i. That's why i repair my own cars--if i replace every part, i know its going to finally work. But if/when its painted, it will go to an expert. I am fully aware of my own limitations--for example, I can't change a woman's mind about what turns her on. I tried weights with creatine in fruit smoothies with almond milk, and still didn't bulk up. I take antihistimines for allergies, and people tell me they get energized while I fall asleep. My body isn't like other peoples', what can I say. I experimented with what others' suggested, it didn't work. That's the way it goes, not everyone can be human (or statistically average), as Hawking referenced :) I do need to be physically attracted to a woman enough to have something to hang a condom on, and typically I attracted that woman in the past if she was a saphiophile, I had free airline tickets to find her, or she was nuts and my staying away from her drama turned her on.

"there are no religious implications behind the word "blessing" "

>>if one believes in God, fine. If one believes they are lucky to be born in America with all its potential, rather than a war zone, then fine, they are blessed. if one believes the stars align to dictate their life, then they are blessed when it works. if one believes genetics gives them tools to create their identity (left or right brain thinking, being athletic rather than clumsy, having a higher intellect or emotional IQ, et cetera and so on), then they are blessed with genes that others don't have. If one believes its not nature, but nuture that defines who they are in their formulative years, then they may be blessed with parents wealthy enough to send them to good schools or parents who build them up rather than tear them down or whatever the case is. If one believes the world runs on statistical odds, then they are blessed when the odds run in their favor in some situation. Or they may be blessed with luck, like i was with an inheritance. And if one believes their whole life is only b/c they made it so, and no outside influence whatsoever? then I guess they don't like the idea they have a leg up on anyone. I don't mind labeling my blessings, blessings. I didn't cause 'em to happen--something did. But i'll take what advantage of these tools that I can.

The Buick GSX is a wonderful car, esp. in Stage I or even with all the Stage II over-the-counter options. The Buick club always offers to race against Hemis, which are hard to keep in tune but when they are on, they are on. The Buicks could rev a little higher than my engine, which like the Pontiac (non Super Duty) 455 is limited to 5500 RPM (both design wise and the chip in the Crane Hi-Fire 6). My 4-4-2 isn't stock of course (according to my G-meter, my 0-60mph matches the GSX's quoted time. Yes, today's cars run faster, but they don't cost $4500 either :) ), and runs better tires than what was stock in 1970, but it does what I want it to do, and that makes me happy enough. I always kinda did my own thing, I found out at my 5 yr high school reunion classmates were impressed back in the day I didn't follow the latest fads. Of course, doing my own thing didn't turn them on to me, just impressed them that I wasn't trying so hard to impress other people. so naturally that attribute transfers to dating :) i'm just not geared to doing something that's going to impress the ladies, if I don't want to do it. and I doubt faking it is going to work on anyone not a bimbo, you know what I mean.

you made me smile about the story of the Oldsmobile engine in a Ford pickup--I've read car magazines since the 1970's, I swear it was as popular to put an Olds engine in a Ford pickup from the 1950's as it was to put in the venerable Chevy small block, which ends up in more hot rods than any other engine. farmers were classic, during the off season, of hotrodding the ol' work truck, but the usual industrial/irrigation pump engine of the time was the Chrysler 354 Hemi (or maybe the 331, I can't remember), so i'd expect to see one of those. Before 1955, the engine swap of choice was the Olds rocket or the Cadillac, Hemis were wide engines so they took up a lot of space. But I see a ton of mid-50's Ford trucks using the later Olds engines like mine.

My father's first car was a 50 Chev, the aunt and uncle who raised him after his father abandoned him and mother died owned their own chicken farm, so they could come up with the "scratch" back in those days. he held onto it until 56, when he got a two tone green convertible with Power Pack he didn't order so he wasn't charged for it.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 146
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/8/2018 7:45:36 AM
"I skimmed through your post but this stuck out to me: where did these numbers come from?"

You have to be a statistics wonk to get this data, because naturally Match is not going to put that information out there for people, thereby discouraging many customers. The hard way to get it (which I did a number of years ago for a research project/paper) is to tabulate every (or at least a representative sample) profile's dating filters, as Match is one of the few that outright asks if you're willing to date someone of X height or Y ethnicity or Z body type or ZZ hair color. The much easier way is that Match actually has reverse and mutual match searches, although I would say "mutual" is imperfect, because it's always giving me women that don't fit my criteria and quite a few whose criteria I don't fit, but I also wonder if that's because I have so few mutual matches that the algorithm decides to expand both person's criteria to make some extra matches. I don't really see that problem with reverse search, which shows you all the profiles that have indicated they will date someone with your stats -- the far bigger problem with it, as far as my research is concerned, is the large amount of people too lazy to fill out most or quite often any of those filters. So I end up with some 6 foot tall women who obviously would never date me, but just didn't fill out any filters.

Anyway, I've done this as both my actual self and an otherwise identical 6 foot white guy just to see what the difference is, and it's absurd. A 6 foot white guy usually is listed as acceptable in 90-95% of women's profiles. Comparatively, the real me has never broken 20%, and again, I've come to figure out the majority of those are women who simply didn't fill out anything but undoubtedly really do have dating filters, so it's usually more like 5 to 10% excluding them. 1% is what I actually got the one time I was doing the research project and carefully calculated all the statistics myself (like I said, the Match searches have this tendency to make mistakes) -- it should also be noted that the 1% (or more like 99%) also includes women of any age, whereas the reverse match search is factoring out women who won't date someone my age, including women who say that who are actually my age or close to my age. So basically 1% of women 18-65 would not date someone with ALL of my personal stats (including education, income, religion, body type, etc.) whereas 5-10% only really takes into consideration women 30-ish to 50-ish and the height and ethnicity factor.

Most actual professional research projects I've come across tell similar stories. People of color and short men always show up as the least desired in OLD in those categories (on OKC they were actually able to show this is also true for response rates, which require proprietary data, of course, so that study was officially commissioned), though for women, being overweight is definitely a detriment, but not anywhere near the level of being a man as short as me. I'm going from memory here because I don't want to waste time digging up my research project, but seems like 33% of men would only date women that checked skinny, athletic or average, so the other 67% were at least willing to date women who chose few extra pounds or voluptuous or whatever the choices for not being average or skinnier were . However, BBW and the like was less than 20%. All that said, I'm not sure how truthful or caring most men are when they fill that out, knowing it will appear on their profile and make them look like, well, whatever they think it's going to make them look like, whereas women have no qualms whatsoever about setting a minimum height, because it is, obviously, much more socially acceptable (especially these days) to discriminate against short men than overweight women, though "discriminate" may not be quite the right word -- it's not like it's a legal issue. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and I'm no different.

But certainly there is an argument that once you see stats like that about yourself, maybe you should at least attempt to expand what you find attractive. Well, I did that in my 20s out of desperation, and it did not work out so well. I didn't really care for being the type of guy who treats the women he's dating... I want to say for lack of a better word "badly"... because he wasn't attracted to them. Though by "badly," I don't mean beating them or calling them names or anything like that. I mean, just really not caring what happened with the "relationship" and whether or not they kept wanting to date me or not. Women I find attractive I put WAAAAAY more effort into dating them than women I don't.

So, me not wanting to go back to me in my 20s and destroying hearts by accident has probably contributed as much to me being dateless for 11+ years as me only being found acceptable to date by 1%-10% of the population and me getting older such that there are a lot less options left. As I stated in my original post in this thread, once in a blue moon a woman online (though never in real life) will contact me or match me (because I was pretty much not paying attention when swiping) and I will see that there's no way I could ever be attracted to said-woman and just let it die rather than trying to force it. Which really makes me no different than attractive women, except they do that dozens to hundreds of times a week whereas I do it once every several months, so from my perspective it seems like they're just being way pickier than I am, but the reality of the situation is, if you're attracted to certain people, you're not attracted to them.

"That's not a wall of text?"

Yes, it is... which is exactly what I said. But look -- I responded to the most recent couple of posts in only a day, so this is NOT a wall of text! More like a short fence of text.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 147
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/8/2018 7:54:33 AM
My mom had a 1956 Pontiac 2 door sports coupe she got new in 1956. Her's was Red and Black two-tone. In the early 60s the paint faded so my dad had it re-painted fire engine red by Earl Scheib for $99.

http://bestcarmag.com/sites/default/files/1956-pontiac-star-chief-1308148-5236537.jpg
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 148
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Posted: 6/8/2018 8:35:32 AM
My first car was a 1965 (I think) Ford Caliente. I loved that car.
Black with red interior...drove it all over the place...back and
forth across country, when I moved to California.

I bought it before I had my license which seems weird now.

My dream car is a 1967 firebird convertible. I had one of those for a while
and also a 1971. I'm pretty sure that one was a 454 v8. I do know it was
like flying without wings.

Now I have a stupid car.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 149
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Posted: 6/8/2018 11:07:56 AM
Hey, Boo, I absolutely love the new pic!

Convertibles are a tremendous amount of fun. I owned a couple of them when I was younger, and enjoyed them immensely. I used to brag that if you were driving around in a really cool convertible, you didn’t have to wave at the girls, they would all wave at you!


MachIMustangII
The Buick GSX is a wonderful car, esp. in Stage I or even with all the Stage II over-the-counter options. The Buick club always offers to race against Hemis, which are hard to keep in tune but when they are on, they are on.

The Buicks were (sometimes) fast, but they had a nasty habit of breaking. Usually not catastrophic, but they did require a lot of work. The 454 Chevy was the one which kept breaking catastrophically, often breaking the crank or throwing a rod. Back during that time period (late 60’s to mid 70’s) the big block Chevy’s were the ones most likely to be towed home from the midnight drag strip.

I never owned a hemi, although I had several friends who did. And you are exactly right about how hard they are / were to keep in tune. I had a 69 Charger R/T 440, which my father (a professional mechanic) helped me build. The only GM that ever blew my doors off was a GTO Judge, but he blew everybody’s doors off. Leading us to believe that he was WAY past “stock”.

That 54 Ford pickup I spoke of had a 1954 Oldsmobile 324 V8, with the weird 4 speed automatic. I had the chance to drive it a few times, and it was a lot of fun, but I really didn’t like that automatic transmission. Really strange, never saw anything like it.

HawkingJr
Most actual professional research projects I've come across tell similar stories. People of color and short men always show up as the least desired in OLD in those categories (on OKC they were actually able to show this is also true for response rates, which require proprietary data, of course, so that study was officially commissioned), though for women, being overweight is definitely a detriment, but not anywhere near the level of being a man as short as me.

I have read a bit in this area, probably not as much as you, but more than a little. I think the more recent studies show that the least desired male is a short Asiatic man. Black men have now been replaced at the bottom of the charts, if that’s any consolation to you.

As for women, being black still seems to be the kiss of death. I myself do not discriminate based on ethnicity or skin color, if they’re attractive, I’m interested. I will say, based strictly on my personal experiences, Asian women seem to all want to get married today. Forget tomorrow, today, let’s meet for coffee and discuss our wedding plans! And black women seem to have a great degree of resentment against the entire world. Which is understandable, I suppose, but not something I want to deal with. And yes, I know that’s CoolDog’s thing, and I wish him the best of luck. I think he is dating a younger generation, and they probably don’t have the same level of resentment.


HawkingJr
I didn't really care for being the type of guy who treats the women he's dating... I want to say for lack of a better word "badly"... because he wasn't attracted to them. Though by "badly," I don't mean beating them or calling them names or anything like that. I mean, just really not caring what happened with the "relationship" and whether or not they kept wanting to date me or not. Women I find attractive I put WAAAAAY more effort into dating them than women I don't.

That is, I think, true for everyone. The only question is, will you settle, at least temporarily, for what you don’t really desire, just to have company and sex and whatever else? I have done so in the past, and as you said, it usually doesn’t end well. I still think it’s better than sitting home alone for years and years and years. But it’s something everyone has to decide for themselves.

I was at a Meetup event a couple of weeks ago, and talked for a few minutes with a guy I have known casually for the last couple of years. He told me he hadn’t had a date in 3 years, and I said, “Why the hell not? You’re a pretty fair dancer, and the women don’t run away from you. What’s your problem?”

He gave me the old Grouch Marx quote, “I would never join any club that would have me as a member.”

Which leads to being dateless for 3 years, I guess. As for me, I do try my best to date women that I really find attractive. But when I hit a long dry spell (3 or 4 months), then I throw those rules out the window just to get back into the game. I have found that it is always easier to get a date when you just had one. Women can smell desperation a mile away, and there is no worse aroma.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 150
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Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 6/8/2018 11:20:23 AM
Hi Henry!
Thank you!
This picture is from when I visited South Padre Island!

Reading these posts, I wonder how women are supposed to know men
find them REALLY attractive and aren't just dating them for lack of other
alternatives?

Some ladies here would have us believe it's how much money they spend
on you. But, if you're someone like myself, who doesn't mind paying or
sharing, and doesn't mind coffee dates and chatting with someone interesting,
we could begin to wonder.

Not me of course, I was asking for others.
I never wonder if people find me attractive or not.
I know where I place on the only list that counts...and that's mine.
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