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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?      Home login  
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 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 76
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?Page 4 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Whenever both people are ready and comfortable with it. There shouldn't be any rigid rules about waiting X amount of dates before having sex. If a person intentionally refuses to have sex for several dates, the other person might think (s)he isn't that interested and may move on. Or a couple could wait for several dates only to find out they are sexually incompatible when they finally have sex.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 77
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Posted: 5/6/2018 3:56:40 PM
Sexual incompatibility is a huge problem for many people. That's why so many people are using dating sites to cheat. They're either not getting the type of sex they want or enough sex, hardly any are cheating because they get a buzz off doing that.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 78
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Posted: 5/6/2018 6:10:45 PM
feirene, my ex-h is malicious, so not only does he cheat, he puts a malicious twist on it, which he thoroughly enjoys. He just bought a condo with his gf, and tells people how he brings women in when she was out of town visiting her sick mother. One person is her gf, and another is her co-worker.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 79
as often as you can get it
Posted: 5/6/2018 6:14:25 PM

If it were a common problem, our species would have died out along time ago.


What a dumb comment. Yes, people have always f*cked and always will. STAYING TOGETHER is a completely different matter.

Guess what keeps people together?

Lifestyle, emotional, and sexual compatibility.


maybe it's over your head.


Maybe you've just lived a very sheltered life, Spanky
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 80
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Posted: 5/6/2018 6:27:37 PM

feirene, my ex-h is malicious, so not only does he cheat, he puts a malicious twist on it, which he thoroughly enjoys. He just bought a condo with his gf, and tells people how he brings women in when she was out of town visiting her sick mother. One person is her gf, and another is her co-worker.


Yeah i know some guys enjoy being deceitful. I just see that most guys cheating are just looking for sex, either something not vanilla or more regular sex. I think sexual compatibility is important as it's the one thing most guys seek outside of what they already have and are willing to risk their relationships for, and willing to hurt the people they claim they love for.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 81
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Posted: 5/6/2018 8:15:44 PM
I think some just get tempted by something different, especially those married for several years. My ex was vanilla, so I think it's just business as usual to cheat. He was trying to invite himself over after the divorce, which was right after moving in with his gf. He's just a low life.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 82
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Posted: 5/7/2018 3:37:04 AM
I've got one of those exes, i just screenshot his messages and posted them online and then linked them to where he works. That got rid of him.

In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.

Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 83
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Posted: 5/7/2018 4:33:22 AM
"not only does he cheat, he puts a malicious twist on it, which he thoroughly enjoys. He just bought a condo with his gf, and tells people how he brings women in when she was out of town visiting her sick mother."

>>>sounds like that poor lady has two sick mothers in her life. He sounds like he didn't get enough attention in childhood, so he's trying to be as cunning as he can get away with now...and show everyone he's smarter than they treated him as a kid.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 84
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Posted: 5/8/2018 8:04:14 PM
feirene, I could have forwarded one of his e-mails to me to his gf. My reasoning is below.

Mustang, his gf, in this case, isn't the poor gf. She was the one that he was cheating with, and while I could have informed her of his continued interest in me, I'm more than happy to let her have the continued experience of him cheating☺ She did kind of catch him already. He used their male co-worker, that's her friend (& now his friend), to say he was camping with him, when he was not camping.

I don't know what's wrong with him. His co-workers don't care for him, but it took years. They say he gossips, he brags and they've caught him lying. No one thinks he's "the man" for how they see him being deceitful with women. That mutual male friend told him, your gf is my friend too. You can't use me when you want to cheat anymore.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 85
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Posted: 5/9/2018 5:34:26 AM
"She was the one he was cheating with"

>>>the classic, "if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you."

"no one thinks he's da man anymore, the male friend told him your gf is my friend too, you can't use me."

>>nice to see a real man stand up for principle.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 86
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Posted: 5/9/2018 2:57:21 PM
I fail to see ANY reason to keep tabs on an ex.
The space in my head is full already with my life. I have no excess space to spare or waste.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 87
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Posted: 5/9/2018 3:26:28 PM
Mustang, yeah, he wasn't down with the bros before hos.

LIR, God no, I don't keep tabs on him. He wanted me to be his fb friend, dual purpose to see what I'm up to, and annoy his gf at the same time. I told him no. He's blocked since I booted him. The guy that sometimes says things about him is his co-worker and ex friend, but a friend of mine. Sometimes he'll run things by me to see if something he's said is true. I never, ever, inquire about my ex. There's nothing to keep tabs on. He's doing whatever he's always done.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 88
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/10/2018 10:12:29 AM
This is a topic I have thought about quite a bit. I know sex clouds a person's judgment, especially a woman's, but in this day and age it is not out of the norm to have sex on the first date. And I know of several longterm couples who have admitted to having sex on the first date. I think attraction can't be faked and good sex can be a good springboard for a relationship because it does ignite those wonderful hormones. I think people who are more sexually experienced are able to see better through those hormones. Look, there's a 50/50 shot that if you match physically that you will match socially/mentally/emotionally. Sex probably won't change that. And sometimes when you hold out on giving sex, men try harder and do not show you the real them because they want to get in your pants. But if you won't too long, they might lose interest, especially with all the other women who will put out quicker. I know the prevaling wisdom is to wait until you know you are in love but I think it's outdated advice.
 Cryptofabulous
Joined: 4/18/2010
Msg: 89
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/10/2018 10:46:23 AM

This is a topic I have thought about quite a bit. I know sex clouds a person's judgment, especially a woman's, but in this day and age it is not out of the norm to have sex on the first date.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone new?
Sometimes, that's common sense leaving your body...

That's when you get "the day after" regrets...
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 90
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/10/2018 10:56:04 AM
But, if you get the day after regrets, then at least you know you don't really want to be with the person...

We talk a lot about how woman tend to get too attached after sex BUT I have read on here and elsewhere that many guys actually do get more into a girl after sex too. Sure, for many men, it's just sex, but in many instances, it ropes a guy in completely. I'm not advising women on here to have sex with a guy to rope him in, lol, but it doesn't always have a negative impact on a future relationship.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 91
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What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/10/2018 2:52:17 PM
Oh, definitely, sex is the hook for guys, not that it will make all men stick around if they're not into a relationship or they're just unable of sustaining a relationship. I would say a good percentage of women use sex as a hook. Sex will eventually get mundane with the same person, then you're left with nothing to bond you.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 92
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/10/2018 5:17:12 PM
But sometimes sex leads to other stuff. Sometimes people end up finding more out and communicating between the sex and more develops. You spend enough time with someone you either get to like them as a person more or less.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 93
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 7:07:26 AM

Oh, definitely, sex is the hook for guys, not that it will make all men stick around if they're not into a relationship or they're just unable of sustaining a relationship. I would say a good percentage of women use sex as a hook. Sex will eventually get mundane with the same person, then you're left with nothing to bond you.


- excellent post, as are many in this thread. Love is the major hook in a relationship. Sex is a minor one.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 94
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 7:36:08 AM
The quality of sex, the quantity of sex, never became the "make it or break it" factor to my relationships.

I determined the relationship was a" keeper" or" throw back" by whether or not he made coffee in the morning, AND brought the coffee to me. Not too strong, hot, 1 packet of sweetner and just a dollup of hazelnut creamer.

It's ALL about the coffee!
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 95
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 11:48:46 AM
But I think many women tend to underestimate the importance of sex. Maybe for you it was the coffee but for the man, it was damn important. Many relationships fizzle over time because the sex gets less frequent or less good. But there are still many couples who are having regular sex 20 years in who still like sex with each other. I think its because both people communicate well when it comes to sex and have a genuine interest in maintaining close physical intimacy. The people actually like each other and spend time together doing things. I have a co-worker, 49 years old, with two kids away at college, who always meets her husband for her work coffee breaks and the two are always holding hands which strikes me as so strange.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 96
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 12:21:35 PM
LOL, Well that flew over someone's head! Coffee, before, during or after sex? I don't underestimate anything!

?A woman meets her husband for coffee breaks and they hold hands?
THAT is strange?

It's a gawd damn good thing you don't see me and my BF. He pays for eating out, he opens all doors for me, and he holds my hand as I get out of his car or off the bike. We walk holding hands. It's a mutual pleasure.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 97
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 8:21:48 PM
for the sake of debate...I had a female friend offer to help her cheat on her bf. It was an eye-opener, I had thought she was a stand-up person. Turns out she believed the BS identity she thought she was, so she sold it well. She broke up with the dude, dated me, and I learned a lot about her insecurity, and how she passed blame onto others. It was also a lesson that, you don't really know someone until all defenses, clothes and otherwise, are dropped. Lovers share what friends will not. if it wasn't for pregnancy and STDs, i'd say sex is a great way to know someone, if you're willing to pay attention and see what is really there.

of course, its also a clear sign someone thinks highly of you--they are willing to risk procreating with you. Women who truly think a guy is hot, tend not to freak out that they might get pregnant by him. They too can be consumed with lust :) relationships can fizzle when the sex does, b/c without sex...the intimacy might as well be platonic. Sex can be more than an expression, it can be a medium thru which intimacy and closeness and communication travel.

it doesn't just have to be about getting your rocks off.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 98
What do you think the norm is for dates resulting in sex?
Posted: 5/13/2018 9:25:16 PM

Love is the major hook in a relationship. Sex is a minor one.


I don't know if you post silly shit like this just to keep a thread going, but there's not a single so-called "relationship expert" on Earth or person with an active libido who will agree with this
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 99
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Posted: 5/13/2018 10:14:14 PM
Feirene i think the whole sexual incompatibility thing is just BS. I think if you really love some one the sex is going to be great. If the sex is not great i think most likely you are either 1 not in love with the person and dont really care for them that much. 2. you are just a player. 3 you are just addicted to sex.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 100
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Posted: 5/13/2018 10:19:07 PM
I dont know what the normal is but i think most people rush into it way to early. The reasons i say that is that it sure seems like a lot of people bounce in and out of relationships and i think having sex to early is a big reasons for that has sex can trick you into felling in love when you dont really know that person that well yet.
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