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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms      Home login  
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 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 26
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage momsPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)


There is nothing wrong with a teenager having a baby,

Even if they are unable to take care of the babies themselves, without involving the rest of society?

There has never been a time when a individual has been totally isolated from 'the rest of society'.


I'm talking about raising and taking care of the babies with their own money out of their own pockets, rather than society's pockets.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 27
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 11:19:04 AM
^^^
So who's highway do you drive on?

Point is that some times some people need more assistance than others.

Point could be that assisting to raise someone's upright citizen could be better than not assisting to raise someone's gang member. (insert some random statistic showing that neighborhoods with higher school taxes have lower crime rates)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 28
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 12:01:02 PM
So long as funding for Planned Parenthood isn't cut locally, and there is education in the public schools about birth control, it is available to poor communities.

Certain ethnicities have higher rates of absent fathers....and higher rates of incarceration of youth for non-violent drug offenses. Probably there's a connection betwixt the two.

Abortion has probably risen since Roe v. Wade, perhaps resulting in fewer shotgun weddings.

What site to sight said about circle of poverty is important. Children of single moms likely see how not-luxuriant a life on the dole actually is. But they may also lack the education to avoid getting pregnant, and not see a future where they go to college and get a job and thus really want to plan out a pregnancy.

Poverty creates other cycles besides single parenting.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 29
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 1:25:47 PM
This got ugly in a hurry and I see why.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 30
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 1:42:27 PM
^^^
It's a controversy that touches quite a few nerves and, it's complicated - not easily solved by a quick fix.
It's also something that people usually have strong feelings about.

For what it's worth, I'm usually pretty conflicted myself.
Mostly because among those needing actual assistance and information are those who are gaming the system.
I knew a woman who, after 5 or 6 children, wanted to adopt her daughter's handicapped child so she could stay on welfare indefinitely. She never took advantage of any kind of program that would lead to education or employment and actively encouraged her children to go on welfare.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 31
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 2:29:09 PM

Yup, you can tell you're from the South. That is just so racist it speaks for itself.



Calls someone out for racism while making a generalization about those from the south.

Way to go, genius.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 32
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 4:08:13 PM
"The ignorance in this statement is astounding. You really should educate yourself before you go spewing this nonsense. If it was really as simple as you think this problem would have been eradicated long ago. Teen pregnancy is mostly a product of poverty. Shaming women and forcing families who themselves are most likely struggling with poverty to be sole support for their offsprings children is doing nothing but perpetuating this cycle. BTW in your world are the fathers of these teen pregnancies going to have any consequences? Your hatred of women is bizarre at best. Keeping people poor and making them sicker is not the answer to teen pregnancy. Hope and opportunity is. Teen pregnancy is highest in the poorest neighbourhoods. Once you become a teen mother you are in for a life of poverty with little chance of escape, So how is keeping people poor working for you? They really need reliable daycare and education if they hope to escape, not constant judging and shaming from people who really don't have a clue what they're talking about."

I stand by what I wrote. I grew up in poverty. My alcoholic father left my mother with 5 children and never paid a cent. She was a typist and never earned what was needed so we did without. However, because she did work fulltime so did all her children. Not one of us had a child young and went on assistance. I credit her for the great example she gave to her children. I myself raised 3 children mostly alone after my divorce. I also worked, sometimes 2 jobs. My 3 sons all work despite also growing up in poverty. I mirrored my mothers work ethic and also passed that along to my sons.
I let my sons know that if they were to father a child while they were young they would get a job and their entire pay cheque would go to taking care of their child. (Not one of them fathered a child).

"So how is keeping people poor working for you? They really need reliable daycare and education if they hope to escape, not constant judging and shaming from people who really don't have a clue what they're talking about."

I am not shaming teen moms for having a child. I'm angry that they show no incentive to better their lives. We have free day care here in Canada, free job training. Where did I imply I want or are keeping people poor?
Again I am not judging them for having a child, or 3, I am judging them for not taking responsibility for the lives they bring into this world. My mom worked with 5 children, I worked with 3, neither of us had family helping.
Having a child should not be an excuse to never have to work.
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 33
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 5:24:18 PM

Instead of spending their own money, liberals like to use government to rob from the rest of us to pay for programs they approve of. Of course many conservatives are as bad because they want to use the government to rob from the rest of us to pay for wars of aggression on countries that could not possibly be a threat to us.


Oh my.

The conservative bible thumpers don't seem to want to fund abortion, abortion clinics, birth control or access to family planning centres and they also don't want to help once a child is born. If we pay for birth control and abortion, plus assist in low income housing and assisted day care to get a mother back to work - this is somehow seen as "....liberals like to use government to rob from the rest of us to pay for programs they approve of." ?? Liberals are humane, that's what I get from what you say. Conservatives don't seem to give shyt about anyone except another conservative and they are the ones want to take what little health care there is away and they are also the ones that keep taking away funding for Planned Parenthood. To me its a no brainer in the "be humane" department so why is it that all the bible thumpers in the south follow that POS in the WH right now that wants to defund everything for the poor? Mind you, I don't know how all the bible thumpers in the south can make good with their god when they support this POS in the WH after what he's done and is doing to women, minorities, disabled and ill.

And there are poor of all colours in Canada and the US.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 34
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 5:36:39 PM
there are people who are going to be intellectually lazy, no matter what. And there are married parents who have kids just to have someone who loves them. As for government programs that are social safety nets....well, that is the purpose of government. its not just going to war, there has to be some level of welfare for the citizens. Even in feudal times, the lord of the manor had to be somewhat aware of the general comfort levels. In America, defense is about 50% of the budget, and social programs is a far smaller percentage--our deficits tend to come from defense spending (we went off the gold standard to pay for Vietnam, Reagan's SDI star wars program, etc) , not welfare programs.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 35
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 5:42:01 PM
There is nothing wrong with a safety net, but we all know that many people dont just use it as a safety net, they use it as a way of life.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 36
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 7:15:05 PM
How naive if anyone thinks some young girls aren't choosing single mom pregnancy to get welfare and other benefits to not work. News flash.....abstinence keeps you from getting pregnant! It's really amazing, you don't even need birth control!
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 37
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 7:50:49 PM
^^^ People don't abstain. They have sex, and they have sex at a young age. Some young girls are giving blowj0bs and doing an@l just to keep their virgin status....young girls, 13 year olds. How old we some of you when you had sex? I'm thinking than no one was a virgin when they got married.

Another thing that doesn't work is shaming. Slut shaming is still around. I see all this crap on here about young single mothers - where are the males? We raise these males, we raise them and they walk away from their responsibilities. While some are slut shaming and blaming single mothers - not a peep about the one that owns the penis and is out there spreading his seed indiscriminately.

If you close all the Planned Parenthood clinics, where do they go for birth control or an abortion? Plus you have all the bible thumpers saying abortion is bad, and the bible thumpers do nothing to support the mother that gives birth.

Abstinence? It hasn't worked....ever.


There is nothing wrong with a safety net, but we all know that many people dont just use it as a safety net, they use it as a way of life.


Someone that is educated and has not lived this way will never want to live this way. And many that grew up this way - never want to live like that again. Generalizing...
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 38
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 8:12:59 PM
Girls are responsible for getting pregnant. After she gets pregnant, that's where the guy has responsibility. If the guy didn't want the child, then it was his responsibility to use birth control or not have sex. God forbid people should try abstinence, the most obvious answer, but they're provided "outs" like abortion, giving up the baby and there's always dumping it. Lots of commercials about where you're technically allowed to dump your baby.

Some girls are just dumb and prefer to have abortions instead of obstaining or using birth control. They use abortion clinics like they have revolving doors, because they don't care about themselves or killing a life. You can't fix stupid or low morals.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 39
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 8:13:51 PM
I agree, there are people who will use it as a way of life...when they can't land a sugar daddy. And there is an entire military industrial complex using government contracts as a way of life. KBR Halliburton, anyone? :) Consider the latest bailout for the rich (Trump's tax cuts)--that's going to create the latest deficit. But the GOP conservatives don't seem worried about that tax dollar boondoggle. Maybe we should kick the rich off Uncle Sugar's nipple first? :) I get peoples' frustration, but maybe they think they can't go after the rich, so they pick on the poor instead.

As adults, we like to think that if we can just tie a knot in every teenaged tallywacker and lock up our daughters in chastity belts, we'll lick, er, solve the problem. We forget our own horniness at that age. We want an 18 yr old to abstain from sex they are biologically programmed for, but be perfectly free to buy an AR-15.

we just seem to contradict ourselves.

llllll
vvvv
Why don't those parents buy their kids condoms? B/c it might be against their religious beliefs, and have nothing to do with awkwardness.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 40
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 8:18:38 PM
We dont need teens to stop having sex.... How about they just use some sense and use birth control.
Yes I know that some of you will say "its not always 100 percent effective...."

blah blah blah.

sure, but if everyone used it there would be a lot , and I mean a lot less unwanted pregnancies and broken homes.

parents, why not buy some condoms for your kids if they wont do it themselves and send them out with them? Too awkward? well how awkward will it be when your 15 year old has to deal with a baby?
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 41
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 8:44:26 PM

Girls are responsible for getting pregnant. After she gets pregnant, that's where the guy has responsibility. If the guy didn't want the child, then it was his responsibility to use birth control or not have sex. God forbid people should try abstinence, the most obvious answer, but they're provided "outs" like abortion, giving up the baby and there's always dumping it. Lots of commercials about where you're technically allowed to dump your baby.

Some girls are just dumb and prefer to have abortions instead of obstaining or using birth control. They use abortion clinics like they have revolving doors, because they don't care about themselves or killing a life. You can't fix stupid or low morals.


OMFG

Still slut shaming. Revolving doors? OMFG. Do you have stats for that or data to back that up?

You can tell the liberals from the conservatives in this thread. And the open minded from the narrow minded.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 42
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 9:38:34 PM
I do believe you're the one saying "slut".

I had a gf that was a nurse where they did abortions. She clued me in, and I've personally heard of girls doing repeat abortions when I was younger. Did you really think that women that had abortions stopped after one? Killing a life is easier the 2nd time around, and the 3rd time, etc.

This is a file, so I can't paste a link in, but here is the title to the study:

Repeat Abortions in the United States

Trends since 1973. As predicted by demographers, the
proportion of women having abortions who were un-
dergoing a repeat procedure increased rapidly follow-
ing the legalization of abortion, more than doubling be-
tween 1974 and 1979 (from 15% to 32%). Levels of
repeat abortion increased at a slower pace between
1979 and 1993 (from 32% to 47%) and have remained
stable since then.
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 43
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 9:57:26 PM
http://abort73.com/abortion_facts/us_abortion_statistics/

Try this site, it has stats.

Abortion is an option, a choice that shouldn't be taken away. No one should be shamed for having an abortion, or even two. And abortion rates have gone down over the years. Its odd how those that are anti abortion also **** about welfare recipients.

Walk a mile in my shoes. Don't judge lest you be judged and all that other stuff. We will always have single mothers and deadbeat dads. We will always have the poor. We need to educate our daughters AND our sons. We also need to quit being "holier than thou".
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 44
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 10:20:09 PM
I believe in helping people that need it, but I'm also big on personal responsibility. There's no way to end unwanted pregnancies, and anytime you offer free help, people are going to pile on to use it. Education is good, but it's like creating laws. Only those law biding will follow them. You have to face reality, that some people just don't care enough if they get pregnant, and some want to get bennies to avoid work by having babies. Having babies for cash is a natural way of life for some, as their parent did it also. A Russian immigrant once said to me, why don't you have kids, everything is free?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 45
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/1/2018 10:49:14 PM
Abortions are expensive, where are all these girls getting the money to have abortion after abortion?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 46
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 12:20:31 AM
"I believe in helping people that need it, but I'm also big on personal responsibility."

Exactly.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 47
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 4:38:31 AM
This argument goes round & round in circles...slut shaming vs personal responsibility.

Maybe making sex education MANDATORY, having free health clinics( or ones on a sliding scale) that offer birth control, etc.

Reproductive freedom! Not everyone has the luxury of "ovarian fortitude" (borrowing that one from Eternity)

And just bec. some people "struggled" w/o "help" to raise their kids & "did without" back in the 40's or 50's or even earlier, does that mean the CHILDREN of 2018 & beyond should be forced to "go w/out" ?

Yes there's always work to be had (minimum wage & treated like a slave to some huge corporation that makes huge profits)

Perhaps when the world changes just enough, things will be fair for everyone.

HAS ANYONE HERE WATCHED "THE HANDMAID'S TALE"?

"UNDER HIS EYE"

I am sad for the women of today, & selfishly glad I am post-menopausal in today's world.

Jesus wept.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 48
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 5:22:32 AM
It's tough for young girls who are popping out babies nowadays, because how can a new mother handle taking care of a baby 24/7 and stare and fully focus on their cell phones all of the time as well? Something has to give, and it's certainly not going to be spending less time staring at their phones. Telling someone to spend less time on their phone and more time taking care of a baby is like telling someone to chop off their arm.

Do schools still hand out those mechanical dolls that piss, shyt, and cry at all hours of the day and night, to show girls that taking care of a baby is not all fun and games like it's portrait on TV and Disney movies? Has that program cut down on the unwanted pregnancy rate? Or do kids take a pass on the program because there's no real consequences to ignoring a mechanical baby, and it cuts into their cell phone staring and video game playing time?
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 49
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I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 7:42:11 AM
I don't believe any child should go without. That's why I believe young single moms should take advantage of our free daycare/job training. They should try to better the lives of themselves and their children, not live a life on government assistance.
Working minimum wage and being treated like a slave is preferable to setting a horrible example for your children. All my children earn a good wage and live a good life. I worked many a minimum wage job which eventually turned into a good paying job.
I don't think this is about slut shaming(did anyone actually do this?). This is about people(not just single moms) being content to spend their lives on assistance while the rest of the world provides for them.
There are better ways to live then living on assistance. Fair for everyone would actually mean those capable of working do so.
Maybe then there would be more money for those unable to work.
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 50
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 7:54:57 AM

I stand by what I wrote. I grew up in poverty. My alcoholic father left my mother with 5 children and never paid a cent. She was a typist and never earned what was needed so we did without. However, because she did work fulltime so did all her children. Not one of us had a child young and went on assistance. I credit her for the great example she gave to her children. I myself raised 3 children mostly alone after my divorce. I also worked, sometimes 2 jobs. My 3 sons all work despite also growing up in poverty. I mirrored my mothers work ethic and also passed that along to my sons.
I let my sons know that if they were to father a child while they were young they would get a job and their entire pay cheque would go to taking care of their child. (Not one of them fathered a child).


Umm, so what? I know two teenaged girls who were brought up in a intact family where both parents worked, they both ended up pregnant. That is a anecdote. What you said early was a huge stereotype and had no real basis in fact.


We have free day care here in Canada,


Really? again, you better educate yourself before spewing nonsense. Here in Ontario you can get a subsidy for daycare based on income. The subsidy gets smaller as the child enters school, there is a huge waiting list for spots. Most daycares are open Mon- Fri. 6-6. Teen mothers with limited education are going to get precarious employment at best, with hrs in the evening, possibly overnight and weekends when typically daycare isn't open. Throw in the fact that they probably can't afford a vehicle and are depending on public transit, unless you live in a large city, how are you suppose to get to said job?NO, you can't just move closer to a city because then you need first and last months rent. You are probably living out of a city because its the only place you can afford the rent. Since there is a 10 year waiting list for social housing you can't just get one of those 'free" wonderful slums provided by the taxpayers. Poor people, not just teen moms get caught in a cycle of poverty that most who haven't been there understand. I volunteer in a alternative high school for at risk teens. I use to have the stereotypes that many here do. My eyes were opened.


Having a child should not be an excuse to never have to work.

Since depression is huge in this demographic, I would suggest that very few who are not working when children are older are not working for other reasons besides they are lazy. Mental health would be the on that first comes to mind. If poverty was really as simple as laziness it would have been solved long ago.


abstinence keeps you from getting pregnant!

lol yes, we know how well "just say NO to drugs" worked.
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