Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage momsPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
The hormonal urge to procreate is a force to be reckoned with, good luck thinking you can make animals not make babies. Take teens told not to do it, add in desire, and make sure these kids are uneducated and raised with shame and some religious finger pointing...and you have a recipe for disaster.
 Kelley300698
Joined: 3/21/2018
Msg: 52
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 10:14:49 AM
In countries with a strong religious base, the percentage of never married moms is very low. That was the case in the USA in the 1950's and earlier. Perhaps in the early middle ages sex outside of marriage was common. However, when VD reared its ugly head, the church insisted on abstinence except within marriage. While not everyone complied, that certainly cut down on VD. Now far fewer people are religious and our society is encouraging out of wedlock sex so after the 1950's never married teenage moms have greatly increased and would be far higher if not for abortions and the invention of the pill. Of course the forgoing facts are what the Godless liberals hate and no doubt their hate will be expressed in responding to this message.
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 53
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 10:44:46 AM
Nothing like religious guilt, slut shaming and sky wizards and fools that put the fear of god in some weak minded folks to keep control of the masses. All gods were created by man to control and oppress mankind.

BTW, those that got pregnant in the 1950s either married right away and gave birth to a "preemie" 7 months later or they went and spent a few months with their Aunt or Grandmother in another province or state to "give them a hand". They came back childless and that baby was put up for adoption. This is why the cases of single mothers was very low prior to the age of the birth control pill and easy access to abortion. Those of us that lived through those times of the shame of a pregnancy and going to live with Aunt Susie and adoption....and the birth of the feminist movement laugh at the "ignorance" of those in their 20s and 30s now.

Its not that the religious folks were keeping everyone in line....they had just as many of their "good" girls getting pregnant and marrying quickly or hiding out and adopting as any atheist or non believing group. Don't kid yourself, biggest sinners are those that are holier than thou....always have been, always will be.

As for VD, we've always had that. New drugs come on the market and the incidents don't go down, they get treated.

Society is not encouraging out of wedlock sex, its always been there. To think otherwise shows lack of life experience and knowledge. We have more teenage moms because we aren't marrying them off or sending them away in shame. Did you know that there were actual homes for unwed mothers....pregnant girls, terrified and sent away to some church run group of holier than thou idiots to be shamed, treated like shit and thrown out the door when they gave birth. Religion has fcked up more people than it has helped.


Of course the forgoing facts are what the Godless liberals hate and no doubt their hate will be expressed in responding to this message.


A comment like this only comes from someone really, really, really ignorant. What a stupid statement coming from a juvenile little tw@t.
 halforhalfnot
Joined: 9/13/2016
Msg: 54
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 11:10:11 AM
Human sexual behaviour hasn't changed since we were hunter gatherers. Anybody who thinks it was different in the good old days just doesn't bother to find out.

My family lived in rural Manitoba in the first half of the 20th century. My great grandfather had 3 girls pregnant at the same time. My father remembered girls going off to the convent when they got pregnant. My mother told stories about girls going away to live with relatives, then coming back 9 months later. Even Shirley McLean and Warren Beatty were raised thinking that their mother was their sister.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 55
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 11:32:38 AM

Of course the forgoing facts are what the Godless liberals hate and no doubt their hate will be expressed in responding to this message.

Wow...Let's not forget or quote facts of those 'god fearing priests' that raped little boys/girls for decades.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catholic_Church_and_politics_in_the_United_States
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 56
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 11:45:24 AM
Who didn't see how this thread was going to go?
I called it back on page one.

I'm a godless liberal and I'm all for education and access.
Two simple things. Without both, cycles continue. But
people who aren't godless liberals don't want their taxes
to go for such things.

And so it goes.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 57
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 1:32:08 PM
Our friend has left us!
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 58
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 1:35:38 PM

Of course the forgoing facts are what the Godless liberals hate and no doubt their hate will be expressed in responding to this message.


Well, the little tw@t deleted her profile or just ran away. When their true colours come screaming out at you, you wonder if they are really who they appeared to be....a 19 year old posting here? I don't see many 19 year old posting on other forums or blogs or pages I follow.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 59
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 2:40:08 PM
"In countries with a strong religious base, the percentage of never married moms is very low."

>>>this is true as far as I know. But it doesn't equate to a lot of happy marriages. In the 1920's, Prohibition in America was supported by women saving themselves from abusive drunk husbands. They needed that paycheck if they weren't already working themselves. Speaking of VD, famous bootlegger Al Capone perished of syphilis, so it was probably relatively common in the 1920's in cities where cat houses were probably more common than out in the farmland. those godless urbanites who forgot their religion and lived too fast, oh my. And those flappers, they certainly practiced chastity in the 1920's.

Does our society (I assume our late OP isn't old enough to know Murphy Brown but knows how to repeat some social-political issue she's overheard in her school) truly push **stard children or does it just accept the reality of daughters getting knocked up? Seagull is correct, do some geneology and you'll find in many family trees, a visit by a daughter someplace that involves a magic 8 months and then she's back for school again. Heck, the Church promoted chastity of its priests b/c in the dark ages, they were having kids who were trying to inherit Church land. Modern birth control and sex ed has lowered the rate of teen pregnancy in states that make both easily accessable.

but it quickly becomes an emotional, ideological issue. We'd rather question a teen mom than why a billionaire needs a tax break the middle class has to pay for.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 60
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 5:54:09 PM
Actually there were more pregnant teens getting pregnant because there was a lot less good birth control and abortion wasn't legal. Rich girls could get abortions, but your average to poor girls only had access to dangerous abortions. As I said before, males in your family could take your baby away, but everybody knows this stuff, some just like to lie about it, shaming makes them feel superior. Let's not forget that crude forms of birth control and abortions have always been around, it used to be thought that before you could feel a fetus move it was moral to abort it.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 61
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 7:54:19 PM
Unless the girl lives next door to you and her baby wakes you up, or it's your husband that fathered the baby - why do you care? Somebody had a baby, it's allowed.

I feel that every baby is a blessing and transforms the mother regardless of how old she is. I see it with every mother. I remember in "Les Miserables" - the book - there was a phrase about how the heroine had her baby - "the aging girl turned into a young mother." :)
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 62
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/2/2018 8:43:21 PM
I have issue with these teenagers that have more than one child. I can understand one mistake. They sometimes do not even know who the father is. Alcohol and drugs in the mix often. They see having children as a career and yes often they are of lower socio economic group.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 63
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/3/2018 4:35:20 AM
I wasn't a teen mum but i've never married and had kids with multiple partners (only 2 guys but still i wasn't shamed into staying in an abusive relationships and happy about that). My sister has had kids with 4 guys. My other sister with 2 guys as well.

Both my sisters were teen mums. They struggled a lot and definitely got mental health issues following having these kids, not because they were young but because having kids causes a huge change to your lifestyle and this can be hard for anyone to deal with. Poverty doesn't help either obviously, it's well known that poverty is the leading cause of poor mental health in western countries but many women get PND anyway because you have to change your lifestyle to fit around another person 24 hrs a day and this is hard. We do have support here for people struggling, the housing and benefits, but most of the support is lacking and not enough to go round for everyone who needs it and this includes for mental health, maternity care, basically everything.

There's something seriously wrong with a system that expects everyone to contribute to it but does not provide the means for all to be able to. There's something wrong with a society that lays all the blame on teenage mums for trying to make the best out of what there is on offer to them and doesn't even acknowledge that their are 'dads' out there ignoring these needs and leaving it to women to deal with it all on their own.

It's very easy to put down the vulnerable and people who do that are human garbage in my eyes. The very people everyone tramples on are always the first to be told they are unworthy of anything and that gets on my tits because these people are fighting to exist in this world and you'd even deny them the opportunity to do that. I'm glad i live on a society that fights oppressors and tries to care for it's vulnerable and have zero tolerance for anyone outside of this mindset.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 64
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/3/2018 12:58:48 PM
Kelly wrote:
However, in defense of the South and southern states, the reason for a higher percentage of single mothers, assuming that is true and I believe it, is because of the considerably higher percentage of African Americans which, for whatever reasons, have a far higher number of out of wedlock births.
That may be true, but who bears the ultimate historical responsibility for all those poor African Americans that live in the South? Southerners, largely. White people, largely. Christians, largely. So while you can't argue with statistics, and the reason you cite.....there is more to this picture than you understand...and maybe a few more years...and getting outside of your little religious bubble, will help you understand that.

Personally, my feeling on this matter is you can't argue against the statistics that children of two parent families prosper more in life than children from single parent homes. Even adjusted for income. But the reality of life is people are gonna bang, no matter what, so there does need to be safety nets implemented to help these people. And sex education.

My main problem about single motherhood, though...is yes, people will bang, and single motherhood will always be with us...but as a society, we shouldn't glamorize it or treat it like it's the norm or something that should be encouraged.,,i.e. in media, etc. When I see a kid from a single parent home, lower income - especially when one parent is absent - I can't help but think "you're doomed, kiddo." I know some here will disagree with that.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 65
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/3/2018 3:58:19 PM
Canada's problems with teenage pregnancy rates, especially in the prairie provinces, is a result of the cultural motivation of First Nations bands to increase their populations. I used to be an adolescent youth worker and I worked quite a bit with First Nations girls, many of whom were pregnant. Having babies, even if they lack the means to care for them, is still seen as something to be proud of. Because of the cultural genocide that took place a century and earlier ago, First Nations women from an early age, are encouraged to get pregnant to increase the population. I have known of girls who were pretty much shunned for taking birth control. Even First Nations girls who are doing well academically and have a good family life often get pregnant at an early age. My old university roommate now teaches junior high school (Grade 6 to 9) in a reserve school and by the time they get to Grade 10, at least half of the girls have at least one kid, if not more. And when it comes to parent-teacher interviews, almost all the parents she talks to are actually the grandparents. It's uncommon for parents to be raising their own kids. It seems that young girls will have a lot of kids but then their own parents raise them. Poverty, is of course, a major factor in all this, along with rampant drug and alcohol abuse but it's a major issue.
----
Many teenage mothers who go on to live on welfare and have many more children, do not have hopes for a better situation for themselves. It is the norm for them. Many of them were raised by mothers in the same situation and they know no different. And the government system for welfare does not encourage women to get off welfare. What needs to happen is that there needs to be incentives or requirements for women to do better for themselves via things like work training programs. And it doesn't help that a person living on minimum wage, working hard at a job, gets less, lives worse, than people on welfare. Welfare gets you free dental and optical and better housing. I myself do not qualify for social housing because my income is $2000 above the annual limit but if I did get into social housing I would have a nice family-size rental unit with heat and water and power included in the rent. Instead of even having a welfare system (except for people with disabilities), we should be having a living wage system. As long as you are working a set amount of hours, the government should top up your income to a liveable amount, taking into account things like childcare costs and transportation costs. The working poor are an ever-growing class in our country and most food banks and homeless shelters are filled with people who are working. It is not right that someone on welfare lives better than someone who works.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 66
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/3/2018 4:06:34 PM

That may be true, but who bears the ultimate historical responsibility for all those poor African Americans that live in the South? Southerners, largely. White people, largely. Christians, largely. So while you can't argue with statistics, and the reason you cite.....there is more to this picture than you understand...and maybe a few more years...and getting outside of your little religious bubble, will help you understand that.


Well said, their ancestors had NO CHOICE in coming here. The cycle started back then.

When the slaves were finally freed, they were promised 40 acres & a mule.

https://www.theroot.com/the-truth-behind-40-acres-and-a-mule-1790894780

...And what happened to this astonishingly visionary program, which would have fundamentally altered the course of American race relations? Andrew Johnson, Lincoln's successor and a sympathizer with the South, overturned the Order in the fall of 1865, and, as Barton Myers sadly concludes, "returned the land along the South Carolina, Georgia and Florida coasts to the planters who had originally owned it" — to the very people who had declared war on the United States of America.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 67
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/3/2018 5:10:17 PM
Kanye West just said 400 years of slavery was a choice

https://www.cnn.com/2018/05/01/entertainment/kanye-west-slavery-choice-trnd/index.html
 N2U18
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 68
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/4/2018 10:32:27 AM
https://twitter.com/ThomasSowell/status/992449691253137408
 Viper1j
Joined: 2/6/2015
Msg: 69
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/16/2018 5:50:01 AM

Years ago pregnant teenage were shamed and perhaps that it is the reason it seems there were far fewer single teenage moms. It that would reduce then number of never married single moms, perhaps we should return to it. However, maybe the numbers we hidden by shotgun weddings and, even if shotgun marriages were not the reason for the lower numbers, would shame be effective in modern times when people are far more mobile and often don't know their neighbors?

Also, I wonder if it is fair to shame the ones that get caught, when so many others are doing the same thing but not getting caught or quickly getting abortions. Furthermore, 100 years ago, often girls married at ages 15 and 16 and perhaps most before age 20 and that would be a major factor in the lower numbers. And, I believe our media is a big part of the problem. When almost every TV and other movie shows young couples meeting and hopping in bed, almost before they have dinner, is it any wonder that teenagers may believe that is the norm. Certainly it must be working on their psyche.

Regardless, our current policies are not effective at reducing never-married teen moms. I read an article that in the UK, girls as young as 13 are getting pregnant because they think receiving child support is better than living at home. Therefore, I think we should eliminate most economic incentives. That is, limit child support to the amount the state pays when no man can be found to collect child support from.


Things will only get worse if abortion is ever banned.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 70
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/16/2018 7:18:28 PM

I read an article that in the UK, girls as young as 13 are getting pregnant because they think receiving child support is better than living at home.


Lol. Where did you hear that rubbish? You can't claim child support as a 13 year old, your parents are still getting it for you.

No child of 13 is going to be allowed by anyone to live on their own nor with the person who impregnated them, they are not an adult. Nobody is allowed by law to employ them full time so they can pay any rent and neither can they claim benefits for themselves and their baby because you have to be at least 16 to do that.

There are some people here who get pregnant to access benefits and housing but housing has always been in short supply with a high demand for it, there were 4,000 people on one list for housing in my town alone when i split with my youngest kids dad and applied 8 years ago and many of the housing suppliers had shut their lists because they were overfull so you couldn't even apply to them for housing.

If anyone does get pregnant for the 'advantages' it's unlikely they'll get access to anything except a pittance to live off. Also you can only claim benefits for two children now so it's not like having loads of kids is beneficial either.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 71
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/26/2018 6:40:29 PM

Teen pregnancy is mostly a product of poverty.


At least in the USA the above statement is wrong. When my daughter was in high school having a child outside of marriage was seen as the ultimate toy. This attitude permeated all levels of society: not just the poor. There have been teen and early 20 somethings who had multiple children, all supported by the state. A local gynecologist offered to tie their tubes after three for free. Many protested saying "if I do that I can't get more government money". How do I know? my ex-wife was one of the LDR nurses who heard them.

Some suggested the government limit welfare to only one. The liberals screamed loud and clear that that's forced birth control. Forced birth control for single women? They can have more if they want but the state would only pay for one. The idea raised the ire of democrate's and the media. One can understand one "mistake" but continuous "mistakes"?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 72
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/26/2018 7:40:05 PM
The welfare is to take care of the children, taking away the money is not going to work anymore than preaching abstinence. Only criminals who rip off the system make enough money to live well. Welfare checks for children is low, it is really not a big set up for teens to use, most teens need education and help, not gossipy workers jumping to conclusions. Some one needs to be home and raise those children, being a stay-home mother or father is nothing to condem. I've worked at a hospital and I have worked in a dept of human services, what you see the most of is the father not doing their share of child raising.

If both parents were held responsible, equally, there would be much less need for welfare checks. If all teens knew complete facts about human bodies and complete facts about bith contral and abstinence, there would be much less need for welfare. Are there bad people in the world, sure there is, but teen moms are hardly way up there on that list. Of all the people and companies that suck up your tax dollars, teen moms are close to the bottom.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 73
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/27/2018 2:33:18 AM

Years ago pregnant teenage were shamed and perhaps that it is the reason it seems there were far fewer single teenage moms. It that would reduce then number of never married single moms, perhaps we should return to it. However, maybe the numbers we hidden by shotgun weddings and, even if shotgun marriages were not the reason for the lower numbers, would shame be effective in modern times when people are far more mobile and often don't know their neighbors?


No, they just had their babies, away from everybody they knew and loved, in women's shelters and many were forced to hide their pregnancy this way and hid the children they did bear under these terrible circumstances by way of forced adoption. Sometimes, if the mothers were lucky enough, the children stayed in the family and were raised by grandparents or by the teen mom under another label like aunt or sister, by way of help from the grandparents.


Also, I wonder if it is fair to shame the ones that get caught, when so many others are doing the same thing but not getting caught or quickly getting abortions.


A girl's or woman's medical decisions are none of your business. If they want to hide their pregnancies conceived in any situation and they're not ready for that, their option for that in an ongoing pregnancy is elective abortion. It should make no difference to anybody else, one way or another.


Furthermore, 100 years ago, often girls married at ages 15 and 16 and perhaps most before age 20 and that would be a major factor in the lower numbers. And, I believe our media is a big part of the problem. When almost every TV and other movie shows young couples meeting and hopping in bed, almost before they have dinner, is it any wonder that teenagers may believe that is the norm. Certainly it must be working on their psyche.


And you know who married these 15 & 16-years-olds? Often it was men two or three times that age, out of "economic neccessity." Perversity was also concealed in those marriages of convenience.


Regardless, our current policies are not effective at reducing never-married teen moms. I read an article that in the UK, girls as young as 13 are getting pregnant because they think receiving child support is better than living at home.


Educational and economical deprivation can compel people to make poor choices because they lack the former. It's why safety nets for these people and their children are necessary and that includes medical care and educational incentives, to ameliorate their circumstances.

Studies have shown the benefits of SNAP (Foodstamp) program to graduationg high schoolers from economically-disadvantaged backgrounds, because of nutrious food at home and the school breakfast and lunch programs, they were able to focus on their education, get part-time jobs, and think about college (and go to college) because they didn't have distractions from hunger.

Some might have become pregnant, but because of daycare in high schools and incentives for education, teen moms continued their education, all the way to college and got off public support.


Therefore, I think we should eliminate most economic incentives.


Right, because that will bring these families back to square one, making the same desperate choices, out of complete hopelessness, because we just work that way in America. You don't think America's deprivation won't touch you? Do you think society can disappear them when society commissions the American gestapo to terminate black kids walking down the street without a place to go because they don't have a place in their society?


That is, limit child support to the amount the state pays when no man can be found to collect child support from.


How will that work? If somebody gets child support and their on cash benefits, the amount of cash benefits is reduced by the amount of support given and even that calculates out to the benefit of the State and not the needy family. How is limiting child support going to save the state any money? This makes no sense at all.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 74
view profile
History
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/27/2018 2:46:06 AM

If anyone does get pregnant for the 'advantages' it's unlikely they'll get access to anything except a pittance to live off. Also you can only claim benefits for two children now so it's not like having loads of kids is beneficial either.


People induldge in propaganda to the exclusion of facts, so they feel they something valid to offer.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 75
I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms
Posted: 5/27/2018 3:06:28 AM
perhaps as a society, we could figure out where the message, "get knocked up early, get something good out of it" comes from...and change that message. We do the same for smoking and drunk driving--one of which used to be thought of as ubercool--and we haven't eradicated either but we seem to have cut it down some. I'm not sure that shaming smokers worked, so much as talking about health issues and for some girls, the effects smoking had on their appearances may have gotten thru.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > I have mixed emotions regarding never-married teenage moms