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 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 76
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I hear spring is beautiful in the UKPage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Ooh tonite my girlfriend said "I'm falling for you, baby".
 47Seagulls
Joined: 3/16/2018
Msg: 77
I hear spring is beautiful in the UK
Posted: 5/9/2018 9:14:08 PM
That means you should put her as beneficiary on your life insurance policy, co owner of your house, give her the PIN numbers on your bank card and credit cards - she's fallen for you...baby. lol

I truly hope you at least have fun with this and that it goes somewhere. Truly.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 78
I hear spring is beautiful in the UK
Posted: 5/10/2018 9:19:19 AM
Funny you should mention that. In the 9 years we were together, I never named my ex as a beneficiary on my life insurance or anything. I named my kids and I put my mom as the one to be in charge of it until they turn 18. Never told him though. Maybe that is a good definition of real true love, putting someone as your beneficiary.

I have never been able to say "I love you" and mean it. It makes me sad. My ex said it often and I'd pretend I would by saying it back but I never for one second felt it. I feel sad when I think about the fact that I have never had a relationship that lasted long enough for me to be able to say it truthfully. This might be why I'm so eager for a relationship because I have this big desire to fall in love and be loved in return so that the words "I love you" can be true and possible.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 79
I hear spring is beautiful in the UK
Posted: 5/10/2018 9:29:30 AM
^^^" In the 9 years we were together.... I feel sad when I think about the fact that I have never had a relationship that lasted long enough for me to be able to say it truthfully."

Something doesn't compute. You were with a guy for nine years, had kids with him, and never felt any love for him? Was he just a friends with benefits?
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 80
I hear spring is beautiful in the UK
Posted: 5/10/2018 9:38:39 AM
Sigh...no, he was a rebound fling (I met him after I had been broken up with and my self-esteem was wounded) I got pregnant with and stayed with much too long. Tried breaking things off several times but be had mental problems and anger issues and a mix of shame (not wanting to run back home to family), fear (I was afraid he would hurt me or kill me or kill himself if I tried leaving) and lack of finances (I had no money because he couldn't keep a job and took and spent what I made at my job, and I lacked the financial power to make a new life for myself) kept me from leaving. Throughout the years, I tried my best to change him (stupid now I know better) and I tried to make the best of it.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 81
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Love vs chemistry
Posted: 5/10/2018 9:57:47 AM
Dream Pig
I don't know how anyone could declare "love" after a mere 4-5 dates. Call me crazy, but I believe in order to romantically love someone, you need to *know* them first. Sorry, but you don't truly ''know" someone until the romantic fog dissipates and you actually go through at least some semblance of trials and tribulations.

For you deniers of reality who believe in this "love comes so easy" nonsense, I have a question for you.

What is the difference (other than the terminology itself) between being strongly attracted to someone/feeling an extremely high level of "chemistry" and "being in love"? Are you even able to distinguish between the two? What is the specific element that separates them?

+1, and good question, Pig.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 82
Love vs chemistry
Posted: 5/10/2018 10:48:47 AM
Love vs. chemistry. Good question. Is there a difference? Some people say the only true love that exists is the one in which we have to people we are blood-related to like our kids or parents. But I know there are also friends I have that I would say I truly love. And looking at those friends I think the big thing that got me to the point is the time we spent together and our memories together and the communication we have shared. My best friends are the ones I have shared everything with. We've grown to know each other through many conversations and shared experiences. And I think that's what can be what changes a romantic relationship to one of love. The more times you share together, both good and bad and the more conversations you have and the more you get to know each other, the more you grow to love someone OR the more you realize you don't love someone. In order for there to be love, both people need to fully invest in each other the time and the emotions and the communication.

Many relationships which turn into marriage never get beyond the chemistry phase. And gradually over time, when those feelings dissipate when real life problems set in and when kids come into the picture, when sex is less prevalent, people say they "fall out of love". I think, really though they are just falling out of chemistry, realizing there was never much love there to begin with. And the main common denominator in all this is COMMUNICATION. People do not want to invest the time into continuing to know someone's inner thoughts. And why is that? Why does one spouse (less rarely both) lose interest in communicating which would build/maintain love? And when you look at other types of loved ones, such as family and friends, why is it we still will ask our grandma or close friend "How are you doing?" when you won't even ask your own spouse? I think this is all why people who are wanting to get married should go for sufficient pre-marital counselling to figure out if they are communicating well and if there is actual love for each other.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 83
Love vs chemistry
Posted: 5/10/2018 5:43:43 PM

What difference does it make....Love or Lust?


Gee, other than the fact they're two entirely different concepts and it's very easy to ruin things by putting your foot in your mouth due to not knowing how to distinguish between the two? I guess none.

I believe most of us still living in the real world understand that at the 4-5 date mark, we are still very likely dealing a person's "represenative" as opposed to the actual person in full. I'm not saying they're necessarily deceiving you, but they're still putting on their best face and not throwing their entire life history at you all at once. Yet one is still confident and comfortable with slapping a "love" label on this?? Yikes.

Even I, the embodiment of evil, the Duke of decadence, place more value on the L-word *and* the concept to throw around it like a hot potato simply because I'm excited over how someone is making me feel.

I suppose one way to come to a conclusion is to ask yourself if you're prepared to do everything you did (or would have done) for someone you were certain you loved in your past for the individual you've been on 4-5 dates with.

Personally, I can say with utmost certainty this will never happen with me
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 84
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Love vs chemistry
Posted: 5/11/2018 8:11:11 AM
I think there are many stages to love

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-stages-falling-in-love
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 85
Love vs chemistry
Posted: 5/11/2018 8:41:36 AM
I think those stages are the many stages of lust/chemistry, NOT love. I think love is based on friendship, on caring for someone, of willing to make personal sacrifices for them because of genuine love and respect stemmed from shared experiences and communication. I think love can happen pretty quickly for some but for that to happen both people need to communicate to each other a lot of things and share some major experiences early on.

I have felt one-sided love a couple of times. A guy I grew up with I cared a great deal for, I knew everything about him, we talked so many times, shared so many experiences together over the years, I thought we were connected, he even kissed me once but he had a girlfriend so we didn't pursue it and then when he did find out I felt that way about him for years, from someone else, he ended our friendship abruptly and the rejection stung badly. I liked him from the age of 7 to even now and I guess I will never really get over him.

Another guy, many years ago, I really liked and I thought we were doing good, everything was going so well and I was really falling for him but then I got dumped without a single clue. And even after he dumped me, under the guise of being friends, like a pathetic idiot I kept sleeping with him until finally I knew I hat to cut it off and it was hard. I knew he was taking advantage of my feelings for him but the way I felt getting even a little attention from him was so great yet when we were apart and I knew he would never let me call myself his girlfriend I had to end things. He tried to get me back, even confessed feelings to me but it was too late. We've reconnected a few times over the years and my feelings are still as real as they ever were but I know when we are together that he doesn't feel the same and it hurts. I know I should just quit going back to him but it feels so good to be with him. I don't want to be some idiotic girl that lets a guy use her but maybe it's an addiction, feeling passion. Passion is both pain and pleasure at the same time. It's a torture that is hard to give up.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 86
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When is it ok to say I love you?
Posted: 5/11/2018 10:10:08 AM

When you're comfortable with leaving the bathroom door open...



Exactly. Or fart. When can fart and not be embarrassed, we all fart.


So you're saying there needs to be some type of emissions test before we can say "I love you?" If we um, pass the test, do we get a sticker on our forehead that we're qualified to then pop the magic words?

Him: "I love you!"
Her: "But you haven't farted yet!"
Him: *Lifts cheek, rips a 10 second hum dinger*.., "I love you!"
Her: "oooohh...how romantic! You've made me weak at the knees!"
Him: *sniffs, look around* "Everyone in the immediate vicinity looks weak in the knees too, must not be the romanticism!"

Plus if your ASSertion is true, then would Stevie Wonder have written his sappy love song to say..... "I just farted, to say....I love you.....?" Who knows. These ASSertions beg such serious questions
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 87
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When is it ok to say I love you?
Posted: 5/11/2018 10:27:18 AM
As far as the OP.....well....who really gives a flyin' fart bout the semantics. WTH..the dude's 64.... We all wanna be young at heart yet coldly and rationally slice and dice everything when someone is trying to be just that. Let him go gaga, while he still can, as long as he doesn't do anything stupid like get married or sign off assets.

This-

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/06c392ed-d769-4af4-8451-a803a0cb73e1
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 88
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When is it ok to say I love you?
Posted: 5/11/2018 7:42:38 PM

let him go gaga


^ a wise statement, displaying both empathy & good sense ...

" I can't quite figure out if I envy, or feel bad for those ~ who seem to fall in love so easy . I guess the only way 2 people will find this out , is to give it a try & let time be the staircase "

^ is sweet & has a good heart
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 89
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When is it ok to say I love you?
Posted: 5/11/2018 7:53:18 PM

I re- arranged a few words from your post , Ms Whiskey ( I didn't think you'd mind, you lil' platipie, col )

heart / sun

 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 90
does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Posted: 5/12/2018 6:41:42 AM
here's a radical concept--love is actually a rational, conscious thought. lust and chemistry is involuntary. You may have impulse issues if you move in or marry someone soon after meeting them, deciding that it must be love, and you may do what it takes to overcome any issues and make for a happy couple. i'm not saying there are not cases where two people jump in, based on feelings, and make it work out. But there's probably more cases of it not working, and we can look back at the beginning and think it was something done impulsively.

If you fall in love maturely, you probably ask yourself, "what's happening, what am I feeling, am I in love?" and then you think about its definition and do you line up with it. That's your conscious thought. To be in true love, we have to understand what love is. Then we can seek it out, and know when we've found it and when we're just horny and want to stick a ring on it to keep the lust going. We want a forever "honeymoon phase". We're in love when we know what comes after the honeymoon phase is gone...and we still like what we see.

lust is what happens in the bedroom. Love is what happens after the sex need is satisfied and the glow is gone. do you really want to roll over and fall asleep...or do you want to deal more with this person? if so, why? to get laid again, or..to get to know them?
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 91
does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Posted: 5/12/2018 7:16:36 AM
OP, better to have loved than not loved.

Some of the posts in the forums are sad :0(
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 92
does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Posted: 5/12/2018 7:35:55 AM

You may have impulse issues if you move in or marry someone soon after meeting them, deciding that it must be love


In that case, it would take both people to have the same level of impulsiveness. Whenever I hear of cases of people marrying or living together within weeks or in 2 or 3 months of meeting each other, I keep wondering what's the hurry, the mad rush to tie the knot? To me, that's more of an insecurity and low self-esteem issue, because those people are probably afraid that if they don't snag the person they just met right away and get into a committed situation, the other person might end up finding someone else who they would find more interesting and attractive. The competition is their enemy.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 93
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does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Posted: 5/12/2018 8:23:08 AM
My girlfriend is really cool and we really enjoy each others company. I asked her today what she thought about me hanging out with my other friend who(who is a woman) and she said:"No worries, sweetie. I'm not the jealous type anyway".
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 94
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does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Posted: 5/16/2018 7:07:07 AM

Posted By: BLONDE_ANGEL_1 on 5/12/2018 936 AM
Subject: does chemistry include the affect of beer goggles?
Message: OP, better to have loved than not loved.


Thanks BLONDE_ANGEL_1 , I told my girfriend that I loved her,she was really happy and told me she loved me too.She said that she want to say this before but had really hoped that I would say it first. Don't worry,we are not getting married or engaged or moving in together. We both own nice houses so we are comfortable were we are are right now and the that fact that we are only able to get together 2-3 days a week will keep us from getting sick of each other(at least for a while). Saw this article about when other couples say "I love you".

https://www.elitedaily.com/p/when-should-you-say-i-love-you-heres-how-long-most-people-wait-8152572
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 95
cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 7:44:24 AM
^
AWESOME!

So many ppl on here can't get a date, let alone a relationship & try to spew negativity when they see a person become successful.

Quite a bit of jelly folks, bitter. Instead of working on themselves, they try to tear others down.

If they took the energy they used into all the nasty stuff & turned it into positive actions on themselves they would see an improvement in their romantic/social life.

CBGB, no one needs permission from anyone on POF to be happy, fall in love, say I love you, move in, get engaged or get married.

Instead of taking shots at you, they should be looking at ur attitude & what u did to be successful :0)
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 96
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cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 11:37:42 AM
~ told each other, I love you ~

... " When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind on nothin' else ...
..... He'd trade the world, for the good thing he's found " ...


^ Percy Sledge


Best of " luck " to the both of you & remember ....
A relationship doesn't require luck, but the desire of both parties to work & communicate well together ...

heart / sun
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 97
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cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 11:48:19 AM

they should be looking at ur attitude & what u did to be successful


Based on what I have noticed that has been posted in the past, I gather it was 2 failed marriages that got him to this point.

I prefer a different path to success.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 98
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cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 12:56:23 PM
^^^Ye of little faith.
What is this "different path to success" of which you speak?
And how is it working for you?
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 99
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cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 1:02:47 PM

Posted By: fullmoonguy2 on 5/16/2018 119 PM
Subject: cranky miserable ppl
Message:
they should be looking at ur attitude & what u did to be successful


Based on what I have noticed that has been posted in the past, I gather it was 2 failed marriages that got him to this point.

I prefer a different path to success.


I meant to do that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hNIX7V21pU
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 100
cranky miserable ppl
Posted: 5/16/2018 1:34:31 PM
msg 97:
Based on what I have noticed that has been posted in the past, I gather it was 2 failed marriages that got him to this point.

I prefer a different path to success.


Getting lost is how we find our way.
We all need to find our own path(s) in this life.
;-)
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