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 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 102
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??Page 5 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

Most women come on this site to get serious relationships. Many lose faith and resign themselves to flings. When you constantly get sent messages asking for a hookup or when you enter so many conversations online only to realize the guy is just interesting in sexting, you lose faith in men in general and lower your expectations.

I bet a great portion of this is because many of the females here aren't doing anything - they're expecting the males to search, and message.

A great many of them have this experience because what they write in their profile and the pics that they take reflects particular aspects of real-world dating mindsets...and some aspects of real-world dating mindsets have been inappropriate, impractical, and outdated for a while. Attitudes and approaches that don't make that much sense and shouldn't be expected to produce the results that the people in question are expecting.

For example...just to mention the cleavage thing, since this is a current topic among us. Anybody have a number on how many profiles showcase cleavage in their pics or the sexy body disproportionately...say in the written section something like "just ask" or "will fill this out later" or "nobody reads these anyway"...and the owner of that profile wants a serious relationship and no flings?

But btw...referring back to the above quoted...most women? How do we know that? Also, if a woman resigns herself to flings, especially with the excuse just being some frustrating experiences with an online dating site...then she doesn't deserve a damned serious relationship anyway. Would seem like she never really wanted one in the first place.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 103
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 6:23:43 AM
"I think the best place to look for a relationship is not on a dating site. Just use use other sites that are not focused on dating where you may have common interests and make friends on them. As a bonus you have made some friends also. "

>>>that was the best luck I ever had with OLD--going to a site not designed for it. Posters argue my round-about way of dating, but for those of us not hot enough that strangers are grabbing us in public, it is sometimes the way dating happens--under the radar :) No, really, let people get to know your personality, and you may get the woman who decides she's going to pass on the hot bad boy to date the guy who she can be comfortable around. And I did make a friend who "introduced" me to the last woman I "got with".

"Anybody have a number on how many profiles showcase cleavage in their pics or the sexy body disproportionately...say in the written section something like "just ask" or "will fill this out later" or "nobody reads these anyway"...and the owner of that profile wants a serious relationship and no flings?"

>>I don't know the number, but considering how many ads there are showing cleavage...can we blame women for deciding, "sex sells" ? personally, I wish they'd think a little deeper about it, but I can see why some humans may think, "hey, don't fix what isn't broken".
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 104
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 7:48:59 AM
The major problem with a lot of these "average nice guys" is that they aren't aggressive enough. Disagree with me all you like, but I still expect the man to make the first move. I have conversations with these guys who message me but they ****-foot around the conversation and don't ask you out even though it seems they are going to. Then another guy messages you and starts talking and asks you out pretty quickly.

I'm not knocking these average nice guys. I fully understand the fear of rejection. I think if this were real life, it would be much easier because both of us would be able to get an idea of how we feel about each other by body language. Instead, online it is just guesswork and if you are worried you won't measure up, you hesitate to even ask for a date because you fear you'll get all excited to meet someone in person and they won't like you from first glance. So you try talking to a girl online quite a bit to gage if she really might like you. This is where I think asking to video chat is a useful tool at your disposal. You can see someone live online and give them a chance to see you and figure out if they might want to go out with you.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 105
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 8:47:28 AM

The major problem with a lot of these "average nice guys" is that they aren't aggressive enough. Disagree with me all you like, but I still expect the man to make the first move. I have conversations with these guys who message me but they ****-foot around the conversation and don't ask you out even though it seems they are going to. Then another guy messages you and starts talking and asks you out pretty quickly.


Women also miss opportunities when they’re too shy or passive to ask a guy out. Suppose you see the perfect guy who has everything you’re looking for in a man, but he doesn’t ask you out. If you don’t ask him first, tough luck.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 106
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 9:51:05 AM

The major problem with a lot of these "average nice guys" is that they aren't aggressive enough. Disagree with me all you like, but I still expect the man to make the first move. I have conversations with these guys who message me but they ****-foot around the conversation and don't ask you out even though it seems they are going to. Then another guy messages you and starts talking and asks you out pretty quickly.


Lots of men are afraid of approaching women because all they hear from women is: "Some loser approached me at the store. Leave me alone!!" "Some scrub approached me at the club. I'm just there to dance." "Some idiot approached me at the beach and he seemed awkward. What a loser." When and where are they supposed to approach women? Women have the same fear as men do. I've told my female friends to talk to guys at my Karate tournaments or rock concerts and they say they're too shy. It's not easy for anyone. If you're already messaging back and forth, just drop the hint you want to go for coffee. It's not that hard.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 107
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 10:14:25 AM

Posted By: coma_white on 5/17/2018 1105 AM
Subject: Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Message:

The major problem with a lot of these "average nice guys" is that they aren't aggressive enough. Disagree with me all you like, but I still expect the man to make the first move. I have conversations with these guys who message me but they ****-foot around the conversation and don't ask you out even though it seems they are going to. Then another guy messages you and starts talking and asks you out pretty quickly.


Lots of men are afraid of approaching women because all they hear from women is: "Some loser approached me at the store. Leave me alone!!" "Some scrub approached me at the club. I'm just there to dance." "Some idiot approached me at the beach and he seemed awkward. What a loser." When and where are they supposed to approach women? Women have the same fear as men do. I've told my female friends to talk to guys at my Karate tournaments or rock concerts and they say they're too shy. It's not easy for anyone. If you're already messaging back and forth, just drop the hint you want to go for coffee. It's not that hard.



Yeah seriously, when I was looking to meet women here whether I contacted someone whose profile I liked (or she contacted me) I would always ask for a date after sharing a message or two.
 BretIAm
Joined: 3/25/2018
Msg: 108
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 11:18:07 AM

I fully understand the fear of rejection. I think if this were real life, it would be much easier because both of us would be able to get an idea of how we feel about each other by body language.


I don't fear rejection online or IRL. If I'm interested in a woman based on what little I can glean from her OLD profile, I will gladly contact her. I admit that I am fairly picky about who I message, but that's me. My current relationship status tends to scare off more women, but that's fine, too.

There aren't as many women my age in my area, at least not that I have seen, but I have no issue striking up a conversation if the opportunity arises.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 109
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 11:21:28 AM

Suppose you see the perfect guy who has everything you’re looking for in a man, but he doesn’t ask you out.


That doesn't exist. There is no "perfect guy/girl" who is "everything" you're looking for. Everyone has flaws and people fail & fall periodically throughout their relationships, even if it's unintentional.

Anyway, I don't ask men out unless I know he likes me too - that doesn't apply to randoms. It's happened with a male friend who I had already spent a great deal of time with. I didn't ask him out in the traditional sense but I told him (over some drinks), "I like you" and next thing you know, we dated for almost 3 years.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 110
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 12:58:04 PM

>>>that was the best luck I ever had with OLD--going to a site not designed for it. Posters argue my round-about way of dating, but for those of us not hot enough that strangers are grabbing us in public, it is sometimes the way dating happens--under the radar :) No, really, let people get to know your personality, and you may get the woman who decides she's going to pass on the hot bad boy to date the guy who she can be comfortable around. And I did make a friend who "introduced" me to the last woman I "got with".


Yeah. Just makes more sense to me to make friends with people. On dating sites people are pinning their future onto one person who they don't even know just by going off a bit of profile blurb and a few pics. Even if they're talking to loads of people they are still hoping that one of these people are 'the one'. And you know none of these people at all but are still hoping, just doesn't make sense.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 111
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 1:05:30 PM
I don't message guys first online unless they favourite me. its like in real life when you wait for someone to signal you that they are interested. Sometimes I favourite guys to indicate interest and sometimes that works. However, the big reason I don't message anyone first is because I have kids and because I'm slightly overweight which are dealbreakers for many guys so at least if they message me first, I know its not a dealbreaker.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 112
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 1:12:19 PM
i'd say I don't fear rejection b/c I always asked women out, but I think my real purpose was to just make sure I didn't have a chance--it would suck to find out later otherwise, when it was too late :)

"there is no perfect guy who is everything you are looking for"

>>>but initially...they may seem so. People may fail, but they can be as perfect for you the individual as humanly possible. I do have friends who mean well but fail, however...its still up to me in life, to support my own self. They may let me down in some individual situation, but its up to me to find another way to complete the scenario. Its the other people, who don't even have a good intention for me, who I wouldn't even call a friend.

if someone really had everything I was wanting and needing in life...what would there be left for me to accomplish in life? someone may be perfect for moi just b/c they get out of my way and let me be my best, instead of being my mom and doing everything for me and I don't get an opportunity to grow.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 113
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 3:09:53 PM

I don't message guys first online unless they favourite me. its like in real life when you wait for someone to signal you that they are interested. Sometimes I favourite guys to indicate interest and sometimes that works. However, the big reason I don't message anyone first is because I have kids and because I'm slightly overweight which are dealbreakers for many guys so at least if they message me first, I know its not a dealbreaker.

What have you got to lose by messaging them??
They will either not reply....or say no thanks.....or you just might find yourself having dinner with someone you are interested in!!

I absolutely refuse to let the behavior of a few men affect my future possibilities. Take control.... you are the one holding the steering wheel....you just might get yourself a test drive!!
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 114
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 7:39:36 PM
What is so scary about no reply? I think most men will reply even to say ”no thank you” because they don’t get many messages anyway.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 115
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 9:24:02 PM

Women also miss opportunities when they’re too shy or passive to ask a guy out. Suppose you see the perfect guy who has everything you’re looking for in a man, but he doesn’t ask you out.

If he doesn't have the balls to ask me to meet for a cup of coffee then he isn't the perfect man.
It is not because I'm shy or passive that I don't ask him out; it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him.
I drop enough hints that a reasonably perceptive man should know whether I would welcome a meet request or not. The last time I used the technique worked wonderfully. We dated for a few years.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 116
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 9:41:10 PM

If he doesn't have the balls to ask me to meet for a cup of coffee then he isn't the perfect man.
It is not because I'm shy or passive that I don't ask him out; it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him.
I drop enough hints that a reasonably perceptive man should know whether I would welcome a meet request or not. The last time I used the technique worked wonderfully. We dated for a few years.


Or you could just say what you mean. Why does everything have to be a secret test? Just be honest and tell someone if you want to go on a date.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 117
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 9:47:21 PM

If he doesn't have the balls to ask me to meet for a cup of coffee then he isn't the perfect man.
It is not because I'm shy or passive that I don't ask him out; it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him.
I drop enough hints that a reasonably perceptive man should know whether I would welcome a meet request or not. The last time I used the technique worked wonderfully. We dated for a few years.


So basically it’s alright for you to test him but it’s not alright if he tests you. That sounds like a narcissistic approach to dating. I don’t mind asking a woman to go for a coffee, but if I knew she was testing me it would be a turn-off. I wouldn’t want to see her again.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 118
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 9:52:29 PM

Why does everything have to be a secret test?


Bingo. I've brought up the concept of shit tests numerous times here and have had several people here deny their existence. There are always tests. Always.

I'm sure there are tons of long-winded advice articles on how to deal with them, but I have found the most effective thing to do is call them out when you see them. (''ah, shit testing me, are you?") Nothing will bring them to a screeching halt quicker.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 119
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/17/2018 11:03:11 PM
The onset of a relationship is a test in itself. A test of compatibility, attraction, maintaining interest, so on and so forth.
Obviously both man and woman are testers and testees.
The obvious ‘tests’ you refer to Pig are not nice. I’ve had this done to me.
Not saying or doing the right thing when tested leads to stroppy behaviour and accusations/assumptions of some sort.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 120
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 12:52:31 AM
No, the onset of a relationship is not a test. It’s getting to know each other to see if you have compatible personalities and mutual attraction. If you want to test people go ahead, but just be aware that they can also test you.
 nba24
Joined: 4/11/2013
Msg: 121
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 1:11:41 AM
Saying to see if some one has the balls is just silly. Some people are just not good at picking up sings. Me in less a women is like crazy flirty i am going to have no clue if she is interested in me or not.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 122
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 4:09:11 AM

Scowling, angry looks on their faces. Wearing shades . Very below average.


Self-awareness is critical, and yet, it's critically abstained.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 123
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 5:07:09 PM

No, the onset of a relationship is not a test. It’s getting to know each other to see if you have compatible personalities and mutual attraction. If you want to test people go ahead, but just be aware that they can also test you.

In other words, yes, "getting to know each other to see if you have compatible personalities and mutual attraction"...is a "test". That's what that means. Some people just don't want to think of it that way. It's like when, in some discussions in here in the past, some would label a perception as "treating it as a job interview"...when it really is always an interview in some way...people just get hung up on, unproductively or dishonestly, what they want to call it. They want to do what needs to be done, but duck out from under an inapplicable stigma.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 124
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 6:54:45 PM
^^^ Ah, yes. Even if the onset of a relationship is a test, some people forget that both people are testing each other. It goes both ways. If you want to test the other person’s first impression, you’d better try to make a good first impression yourself. I believe that if you don’t see it as a test, you’ll be more successful. Why not just be yourself? People who don’t give a flying fvck about impressing other people are often successful. A good book I’d recommend on this subject is the New York Times’ best seller “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” by Mark Manson.
 drinkthesunwithmyface
Joined: 3/27/2012
Msg: 125
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/18/2018 7:28:21 PM
Well, it's just that some of this isn't tweaked quite right:

If you want to test the other person’s first impression, you’d better try to make a good first impression yourself

I don't think that you should have a hang-up about the "first impression" anyway. You better get to know each other better than a simple first-impression. You don't "test" a first impression, do you? What's that mean? Or do you?

I believe that if you don’t see it as a test, you’ll be more successful. Why not just be yourself?

These are not mutually exclusive things. Be yourself, yes. If not, then you're being dishonest. Of course be yourself. But this has nothing to do with whether or not some dates are like a test or job interview or whatever. It's also not intrinsically meaningful to say that you'll be more successful if you don't think of it as a test. Whether or not you think of it that way has nothing to do with it...unless of course it's because you have enough understanding to be aware that it IS "like" a job interview or test, which would correlate with an ability to conduct aspects of a date properly and productively...

...if you think that "being natural" or "being yourself" is opposite of understanding that it IS "like" a job interview or test, well that's just nonsensical.

People who don’t give a flying fvck about impressing other people are often successful. A good book I’d recommend on this subject is the New York Times’ best seller “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life” by Mark Manson.

Things like this are just sideways-assed ways to trick people into being secure in who they are and "being themselves" when they don't have the damned sense to do so without reading a book that uses some sideways-assed trick to make it's readers be secure and be themselves.
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