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 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 126
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??Page 6 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

CynthiaSM
If he doesn't have the balls to ask me to meet for a cup of coffee then he isn't the perfect man.
It is not because I'm shy or passive that I don't ask him out; it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him.
I drop enough hints that a reasonably perceptive man should know whether I would welcome a meet request or not.

That’s a definite case of “maybe”. Some women think they are being very upfront with their “dropping of enough hints”, while the average man thinks women communicate very very poorly in these matters.

Cynthia, I have seen enough of your posts over the years here in these forums, I expect that you do communicate clearly, even when only “dropping hints”. Some women, not so much. YMMV.


reverendswine
I've brought up the concept of shit tests numerous times here and have had several people here deny their existence. There are always tests. Always.

I'm sure there are tons of long-winded advice articles on how to deal with them, but I have found the most effective thing to do is call them out when you see them. (''ah, shit testing me, are you?") Nothing will bring them to a screeching halt quicker.

Pig, I am in complete agreement with you about women giving “shit tests” to men. But I disagree with your conclusions about how to handle such tests.

Women are the prize. Men compete for the prize. It is what it is.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 127
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 4:46:02 AM
Steve Harvey always says women are the prize. I concur.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 128
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 5:25:08 AM
I like Steve Harvey. He's funny.
I have always thought I was better than "Prize inside". Cracker Jacks anyone?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 129
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 5:40:37 AM
It would be fun to have a dollar for every person I met who "Tell it like it is", yet have a paper-thin skin when I treat them the same way about their short-comings. Talk about dishing it out but not being able to take it. Being a truth-teller isn't a cover for being an a$$hole to people. I'd also love to have a dollar for everyone who wants a confident assertive partner...so long as that partner agrees with them on everything important :) If that partner stands up to them, oh my, do they start picking every little nit they didn't like about that partner and kept quiet about it until now.

"the most effective thing to do is call them out"

>>> it does work. Of course, if they aren't 100% into them, they'll get bitter that they are exposed (b/c they are doing it all out of insecurity) and walk away from you. Its like giving an ultimatum--be prepared for the fallout. But sometimes we'd rather be right than get laid. its good to keep our priorities in sharp focus--what is our end goal?

Its good to be your best self, but again...be prepared for the fallout. Its easy for attractive people to carry themselves with a "take it or leave" or a DGAS attitude. If they run afoul of this person, they'll just work things out with the next one. As for the rest of us, Henry is correct. We work harder for the person who is out of our league, simply b/c they are worth the effort to work harder. but it doesn't put us in the catbird seat, it puts them there. they get to decide, we get to sell--whether we are male or female.

As for dropping hints, i'll bet any woman with some level of attractiveness had one male friend in her young life who misconstrued her behavior as "hints". The best communication, is direct communication. Its clarity can't be beat.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 130
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 8:20:57 AM

Things like this are just sideways-assed ways to trick people into being secure in who they are and "being themselves" when they don't have the damned sense to do so without reading a book that uses some sideways-assed trick to make it's readers be secure and be themselves.


So, that doesn’t mean books on self confidence don’t work. After somebody’s been through a lot of shit in life just telling them to have the common sense to man up and be secure with themself ain’t gonna work. They need an actual technique to build up their self-esteem. It’s like telling somebody with clinical depression to lighten up.



Women are the prize. Men compete for the prize. It is what it is.


Women also compete with each other for the attention of men. I’ve seen how some women treat each other when they get jealous over a guy - the claws come out and they gossip about each other.



Steve Harvey always says women are the prize. I concur.


Steve Harvey is stupid and sexist.
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 131
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 8:22:23 AM

Steve Harvey always says women are the prize.


Another "expert" with a stellar track record.

Pffft.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 132
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 12:53:47 PM
"Women also compete with each other for the attention of men. I’ve seen how some women treat each other when they get jealous over a guy - the claws come out and they gossip about each other."-Kissfromarose77

Women can get absolutely brutal with eachother. I have seen it go down a few months ago. Mind **** galore.
Even us guys have limits.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 133
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 6:54:02 PM
Steve Harvey, lol. It's pretty laughable and ridiculous that women, who account for most of his fan base, would take his misogynistic "advice" seriously.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 134
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 7:05:04 PM
Some people need to look up the definition of sh!t test. There's a world of difference between assessing whether someone is a good fit for me vs. Putting up some mind fvck test to determine whether he's a "good catch".
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 135
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 7:31:12 PM
anything with the word s-h-I-t in it, probably isn't a good thing :) you posted:

"it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him."

>>obviously...the real question is, why do you have to walk all over him? why not..not be that type of dating partner who walks over people you care about? that is the attitude that's getting you the response to your post that you are getting. When you have to challenge someone to be better or stronger than you are, by definition, you need something from them. Its healthier to share, than to need.

if you need to test a man to make sure he won't let you abuse him, then you are conducting a mind fck test, b/c your plan is to walk all over him if he fails it.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 136
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 8:02:14 PM
I'm gonna add most of them are dumb fukcs too.

Just had one guy saying he likes my pic and profile and would i like to chat, so i replied that yes i'd love to havea chat with him sometime about the endocrine system when he's free. His interests are the pub, TV, football, and he likes all types of music.

I eagerly await his reply. Don't know why i bother having a profile.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 137
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 8:25:34 PM
^^^
because it gives me something to read while I wait patiently hoping for that wager
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 138
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 8:33:13 PM
Oh, now the man bashing has started again.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 139
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:16:07 PM
^^ Why do you only pay attention to what you refer to as "man bashing"....
seems there plenty of bashing going on for both genders!!

as for this "testing" stuff....
the only test I can honestly admit to is how he reacts when he is angry.
Now this isn't done on a first or even second date....but if things are starting to look like it's going somewhere...
I want to know if he is even tempered...or hot headed...or abusive with his reaction...because at some point in our relationship, I will make him angry and I want to know sooner rather than later if he has any "abusive" tendencies!!
Been there....won't go there again.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 140
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:17:14 PM

Some people need to look up the definition of sh!t test. There's a world of difference between assessing whether someone is a good fit for me vs. Putting up some mind fvck test to determine whether he's a "good catch".


And what difference would that be?
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 141
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:21:58 PM

because it gives me something to read while I wait patiently hoping for that wager


Lol, did you see my conversation starters?

That guy i ignored messaged me again but i'm still ignoring him as he complimented my looks. We've already had sex so i know he fancies me. I'm gonna wait and see when he messages offering me a date and then the wager is on but it may be that he knows i know he won't take me on a date and so isn't even bothering to pretend he wants one.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 142
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:50:50 PM
Yes I saw the conversation starters. I also took to heart your dating advice blog. Unfortunately i'm now dating my sister.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 143
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 9:55:37 PM
^^^^ Well that escalated quickly! O_o
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 144
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 10:04:14 PM

Yes I saw the conversation starters. I also took to heart your dating advice blog. Unfortunately i'm now dating my sister.


But you are dating so i consider that a success.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 145
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 11:06:20 PM
First, let's go back to the post that started my response - rose-what's his name stated
Women also miss opportunities when they’re too shy or passive to ask a guy out. Suppose you see the perfect guy who has everything you’re looking for in a man, but he doesn’t ask you out. If you don’t ask him first, tough luck.
I was pointing out the fallacy of his statement that, for me, it isn't a "missed opportunity" because he isn't "everything" I'm looking for in a man because the critical trait he's missing is he can't speak up for what he wants.

My vetting process of not asking the man to meet is relatively new. I used to ask out any man I was interested in and have asked several men to meet over the years. The way I see it is that asking an internet stranger to a meet is a very low emotional risk action - you don't know each other, there is no shared history or depth of emotion, so no actual consequences to being turned down other than a momentarily bruised ego.

Moving on from an OLD pen pal who can't ask me to even meet is the opposite of a "missed opportunity." It frees me from spending any more time with someone who doesn't even have the potential to be "perfect for me."


>>obviously...the real question is, why do you have to walk all over him? why not..not be that type of dating partner who walks over people you care about? that is the attitude that's getting you the response to your post that you are getting. When you have to challenge someone to be better or stronger than you are, by definition, you need something from them. Its healthier to share, than to need.

if you need to test a man to make sure he won't let you abuse him, then you are conducting a mind fck test, b/c your plan is to walk all over him if he fails it.


It isn't obvious at all since you seem to have missed it. I have the opposite of intent to walk all over anyone and I do not abuse people; especially the people I care for. As testament I was married for more than 20 years and am still friends with my ex, as well as other men I've been in lengthy intimate relationships with. But I want to be partners in a relationship, I don't want to be the leader in the relationship. I want to discuss our respective thoughts, beliefs, and opinions on important decisions; I don't always want to be the decision-maker. And if a man can't even get up the courage to ask me to meet for coffee, or a walk in the park, then how can I expect him to speak up when the stakes are higher?

Intimate relationships require communication and the more sensitive the subject, the more courage is required to speak for one's self. I agree it is healthier to share. That's why I want to know up front whether the man is ready, willing, and able to speak his mind about what he wants. If he can't ask for what he wants in a low risk situation, why would I think he would speak up in an emotionally charged situation? IOW, he's the one who won't be able to share. This isn't a passive-aggressive test, it isn't a mind fvck, it isn't making him read my mind, it isn't challenging him to be better or stronger than me; it is my 'test' of whether he is my equal. It is letting him think, feel, and act of his own volition.

Being shy or passive may be perfect for someone else but not for me. Conversely, I would not be the perfect woman for a shy or passive man. Waiting for him to ask me out is a simple 'barrier to entry' for me. I am not making him do anything, especially anything he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't ask, then there's no harm, no foul; he's free to move on to the next woman's profile in search of the one who may ask him out.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 146
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/19/2018 11:11:42 PM


Some people need to look up the definition of sh!t test. There's a world of difference between assessing whether someone is a good fit for me vs. Putting up some mind fvck test to determine whether he's a "good catch".
And what difference would that be?

Could have sworn I said "need to look up the definition of sh!t test." I'm not going to do your work for you.
Too many posters here throwing around terms they have no idea what they mean. Come back after you've done your own work.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 147
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:31:43 AM
siisaa :


Steve Harvey, lol. It's pretty laughable and ridiculous that women, who account for most of his fan base, would take his misogynistic "advice" seriously.

Steve Harvey is a garbage person. A tiny bit of googling should put off anyone who has ever thought otherwise.
 BBEisBack
Joined: 9/16/2015
Msg: 148
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:11:43 AM
CynthiaSM, I understand where you're coming from.

It was the difference between my 1st wife and my 2nd.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 149
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:24:40 AM

It isn't obvious at all since you seem to have missed it. I have the opposite of intent to walk all over anyone and I do not abuse people; especially the people I care for. As testament I was married for more than 20 years and am still friends with my ex, as well as other men I've been in lengthy intimate relationships with. But I want to be partners in a relationship, I don't want to be the leader in the relationship. I want to discuss our respective thoughts, beliefs, and opinions on important decisions; I don't always want to be the decision-maker. And if a man can't even get up the courage to ask me to meet for coffee, or a walk in the park, then how can I expect him to speak up when the stakes are higher?

Intimate relationships require communication and the more sensitive the subject, the more courage is required to speak for one's self. I agree it is healthier to share. That's why I want to know up front whether the man is ready, willing, and able to speak his mind about what he wants. If he can't ask for what he wants in a low risk situation, why would I think he would speak up in an emotionally charged situation? IOW, he's the one who won't be able to share. This isn't a passive-aggressive test, it isn't a mind fvck, it isn't making him read my mind, it isn't challenging him to be better or stronger than me; it is my 'test' of whether he is my equal. It is letting him think, feel, and act of his own volition.

Being shy or passive may be perfect for someone else but not for me. Conversely, I would not be the perfect woman for a shy or passive man. Waiting for him to ask me out is a simple 'barrier to entry' for me. I am not making him do anything, especially anything he doesn't want to do. If he doesn't ask, then there's no harm, no foul; he's free to move on to the next woman's profile in search of the one who may ask him out.



CynthiaSM, I understand where you're coming from.

It was the difference between my 1st wife and my 2nd.


CynthiaSM, I understand where you're coming from.

It was the difference between my 1st husband and my 2nd.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 150
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 7:31:35 AM
" it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him."

>>>again, there's a diff between wanting to walk over your partner, taking advice from your partner, and accepting leadership from your partner. There's a difference between "I want to share" and "I want to be sure I can't walk all over you." I know this b/c I don't look to walk all over people, so therefore I don't bother to test if I can walk all over people. I don't need it, b/c I don't need it, and that's why I don't need it. Now, one can look for wishy-washy-ness in a partner. I don't need to S-test to find that one. All I ask a woman is, "so where do you want to go" and a wimpy answer confirms it. Or we go to a restaurant and she asks me what she should order. That tells me a lot, i'm sure other guys have had that on a date once or twice and found out the woman asking, turned out to be a follower not a leader.

there are people who think walking all over others is leadership, I get that. like some people confuse c0ckiness with confidence. Some people confuse "leadership" with "lead dog"--I've had people insist leadership is from the front, never from behind. But plenty of good leaders give orders and then let their underlings work on their own. I know I've had to deal with disruptive children and let them lead the group--all they wanted was attention, and when they had it, everyone was surprised at what discipline they suddenly had. instead of fighting them, I put them to work.

if you are a Type A, then yes, waiting for a man to speak up is a perfect filter. Shy people will just get walked over by you, and neither one of you will be happy in the long run. I've known women who wanted a guy to put her in her place, and felt she was sharing all the other times. Your test does the trick--it finds people suited for you. And it saves the unsuited from you :)

what has worked for you, works b/c you are looking for a very specific parameter.
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