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 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 151
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??Page 7 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

I' m gonna add most of them are dumb fukcs too.

Just had one guy saying he likes my pic and profile and would i like to chat, so i replied that yes i'd love to havea chat with him sometime about the endocrine system when he's free. His interests are the pub, TV, football, and he likes all types of music.

I eagerly await his reply. Don't know why i bother having a profile.



^^ Why do you only pay attention to what you refer to as "man bashing"....
seems there plenty of bashing going on for both genders!!


If somebody said that most women are dumb ****s, I would call them out too. Point me to where the women bashing is, and I’ll say something.

Cynthia, it’s possible that a man isn’t shy and has all qualities you’re looking for ,but he wants to test you to see if you have the courage to ask him out for a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to walk all over you in a relationship. You just missed your opportunity. You snooze, you lose.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 7/23/2017
Msg: 152
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 9:54:02 AM

" it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him."
>>>again, there's a diff between wanting to walk over your partner, taking advice from your partner, and accepting leadership from your partner. There's a difference between "I want to share" and "I want to be sure I can't walk all over you." I know this b/c I don't look to walk all over people, so therefore I don't bother to test if I can walk all over people.

Frankly mustang, after all these years in the forums I had higher expectations for you. You're losing the forest due to one tree.

there are people who think walking all over others is leadership, I get that. like some people confuse c0ckiness with confidence. Some people confuse "leadership" with "lead dog"--I've had people insist leadership is from the front, never from behind. But plenty of good leaders give orders and then let their underlings work on their own.

Are you speaking in generalities here or are you extrapolating from one sentence to my partnership/leadership skills in general? If the later than your ass-umption is wrong again. I work as a scrum master which is described, literally, as a leader-servant role. It is my job, and I'm very good at it because it is my nature, to bring out the best in individuals and teams by leveraging their best qualities so they can be self-managed teams and individuals.

I know I've had to deal with disruptive children and let them lead the group--all they wanted was attention, and when they had it, everyone was surprised at what discipline they suddenly had. instead of fighting them, I put them to work.

Always entertaining when someone who has never raised a child tries to instruct a parent on how to work with a disruptive child. In this era of the ‘too precious child’ many children, particularly introverts, are disruptive because they are overwhelmed by attention.

if you are a Type A, then yes, waiting for a man to speak up is a perfect filter. Shy people will just get walked over by you, and neither one of you will be happy in the long run. I've known women who wanted a guy to put her in her place, and felt she was sharing all the other times. Your test does the trick--it finds people suited for you. And it saves the unsuited from you :)

I am not a type A at all. It is your own projection run amok that thinks I’m looking for a man who can put me in my place. I’ve already said I’m looking for an equal and I don’t abuse people so my equal would, likewise, not be abusive.

Julystorm posted on another thread that you’re participating on

Alpha - leaders, need to be in charge of a group, difficulty with following or being alone
Beta - followers, difficulty being alone, need someone else to be in charge
Omega - neither lead nor follow, difficult with authority, will lead if necessary, will rebel against leader if necessary or go their own way and become a loner
Gamma - quiet leaders, will not blindly follow, will lead by example, rather than force, difficulty with being strict and disciplinary
Delta - leaders without a pack, they have leadership personalities but lack the charisma or status to be respected as a leader
Sigma - tend to rebel against leaders, they often become leaders but lack good leadership qualities, tend to rule by force and not respect

I am gamma with omega tendencies.


Cynthia, it’s possible that a man isn’t shy and has all qualities you’re looking for ,but he wants to test you to see if you have the courage to ask him out for a cup of coffee. He doesn’t want to walk all over you in a relationship. You just missed your opportunity. You snooze, you lose.

How ironic you try to use me as an example when I've already stated I am not.

I don't care why he didn't ask me out; the reason isn't relevant. It doesn't matter if it's because he's shy, passive, passive-aggressive, or a PUA doing a sh!t test. If he wants to actually meet me, then he has to speak the words. If he doesn't speak the words, then we won't meet. It isn't a missed opportunity for me. It isn't a snooze, you lose situation. I fully accept responsibility for my process and decisions as should any man who thinks I am perfect for him but is waiting for me to ask him out.

Clearly you do not do the same. From your posts on the last few pages, it is clear you can not even comprehend accepting responsibility for your own choices. Yes, if I have selection criteria for who I will meet, then the man gets to have his own too. But you keeping using reciprocity as a cudgel, like it hadn't even occurred to me. Any man who is waiting for the woman to ask him out (for whatever reason) but whines when she doesn't (for whatever reason) is just whiney. The operative word here being "whines". Whining is not an attractive quality and certainly not "perfect for me." A man who is waiting for me to ask him out but accepts the consequences of that decision when I don't ask him out is someone I can at least admire for the courage of his convictions but he still is not "perfect for me."

Anyway, not trying to hijack the thread so this is my last post on this subject.
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 153
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:15:34 AM
^^^Clap...Clap...to Cynthia...one of my favorite women.
She can put into words...my thoughts completely.

I make my choices and do not "whine" about my results in online dating....ever!!
Or for that matter....about any of my past relationships...I participated...yep!
All people need to take responsibility for their actions.
My Choices...No Regrets
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 154
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:25:35 AM

I don't care why he didn't ask me out; the reason isn't relevant. It doesn't matter if it's because he's shy, passive, passive-aggressive, or a PUA doing a sh!t test. If he wants to actually meet me, then he has to speak the words. If he doesn't speak the words, then we won't meet. It isn't a missed opportunity for me. It isn't a snooze, you lose situation. I fully accept responsibility for my process and decisions as should any man who thinks I am perfect for him but is waiting for me to ask him out.


I'm not buying what you're selling. You're afraid to approach men in the same way as lot of men are afraid to approach women and you're passing that off as some kind of dating preference. Why not just be honest?
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 155
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:38:23 AM

Too many posters here throwing around terms they have no idea what they mean.


I threw the term shit test out there because based on "it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him." and "dropping hints", it is most certainly fitting. You're withholding direct communication and using the scenario that unfolds as a sorting process. That's the very essence of shit testing. Is there any reason why making it known from the very get-go you don't ask men out isn't a good idea?

Not to mention, not only does this revelation insinuate you would have the desire to "walk all over" a man, but that you also want and expect him to thwart the attempts with his "confidence" and "assertiveness". Isn't that what your own self-control should be for?

Furthermore, "dropping hints" opens up the door for misinterpretation. "Hints" and "clues" are words most commonly associated with what? Games.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 156
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:40:11 AM

I'm not buying what you're selling. You're afraid to approach men in the same way as lot of men are afraid to approach women and you're passing that off as some kind of dating preference. Why not just be honest?

**Snicker** She was just about as honest as you can get....not her problem you are too dense to comprehend it....
Why can't you just accept her honesty instead of trying to tell her how she feels/thinks?
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 157
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:41:48 AM

Pig, I am in complete agreement with you about women giving “shit tests” to men. But I disagree with your conclusions about how to handle such tests.


It has never failed me. I don't call it out angrily. Always with a subtle grin.



Women are the prize. Men compete for the prize. It is what it is.


Not in my world. Make no mistake, pedestalizing is a form of self-degradation. If you act like a fool, you'll be treated like one. Men who don't value *themselves* as much as they do women end up in miserable situations. Ditching this imbalanced outlook changed my life 1000% for the better a long time ago, and I can't envision ever reverting to it. The self-loathing that would inevitably ensue would eat me alive.

Steve Harvey. Oh, you mean the stupid fuck who is now on wife #3, has said atheists are idiots, gay men CAN'T be "real men", and has suggested women implement a "90-day rule" before having sex with a man she's dating?? (and these are all just the tip of the iceberg) Yeah, that's someone worth listening to.

Can someone please be so kind as to stand behind me and pick up the pieces of my ass as I LAUGH them off?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 158
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 11:40:54 AM

**Snicker** She was just about as honest as you can get....not her problem you are too dense to comprehend it....
Why can't you just accept her honesty instead of trying to tell her how she feels/thinks?


Because it's not honest. Maybe you're too dense to see that. EVERYONE prefers people that approach them because it's easier just to sit back and let people come to you. Why not just be honest and say you're afraid to approach people instead of pretending it's a dating preference?
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 159
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 11:49:06 AM

Clearly you do not do the same. From your posts on the last few pages, it is clear you can not even comprehend accepting responsibility for your own choices. Yes, if I have selection criteria for who I will meet, then the man gets to have his own too. But you keeping using reciprocity as a cudgel, like it hadn't even occurred to me. Any man who is waiting for the woman to ask him out (for whatever reason) but whines when she doesn't (for whatever reason) is just whiney. The operative word here being "whines". Whining is not an attractive quality and certainly not "perfect for me." A man who is waiting for me to ask him out but accepts the consequences of that decision when I don't ask him out is someone I can at least admire for the courage of his convictions but he still is not "perfect for me."


Most men do not even have a choice when it comes to asking a woman out or being passive if they want to get a date. Women rarely ask men out, so they have to be the pursuers. It’s the women who have the choice of making the first move or being passive. There are some exceptions though. If a guy is six feet, owns a yacht, a summer home and drives a Ferrari, he might get a lot of women pursuing him.
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 160
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 11:58:45 AM
MsMicki Msg 156:
She was just about as honest as you can get....not her problem you are too dense to comprehend it....
Why can't you just accept her honesty instead of trying to tell her how she feels/thinks?


Seems to be a knee jerk reaction, almost a 'tic' how some men feel the need to reinterpret what 'she really means' when she states how she feels/thinks---reinterpret it through 'his' eyes---as if 'his eyes' are the eyes that see the clearest~

Aaarrrggghhh
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 161
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 12:03:43 PM

If he doesn't have the balls to ask me to meet for a cup of coffee then he isn't the perfect man.
It is not because I'm shy or passive that I don't ask him out; it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him.
I drop enough hints that a reasonably perceptive man should know whether I would welcome a meet request or not. The last time I used the technique worked wonderfully. We dated for a few years.


The problem with this is sometimes women can give hints that are very vague and it would take a professional mind reader to figure out what she means. If you like someone, ask him out. Instead of making assumptions based on "tests" and "playing games".


Cynthia has just posted a very eloquent explanation of a female/male dynamic & wisely, Whiskey, Ms. Micki & Aurora have understood it.

Funny how some of the men have tried to poke a hole in her statement(s) in how she feels & thinks.

Gentlemen, Cynthia is an educated attorney/project manager, w/ a very sophisticated thought process.

Funny how when some men are feeling threatened/marginalized by intelligent/educated women, they need to try to take a poke, despite the poke being feeble compared to the intelligent/educated woman's thoughts/words.


It has nothing to do with being threatened or marginalized. I (and others) simply have a different viewpoint and explained why I didn't complete agree with this.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 162
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 12:05:59 PM
Cynthia has just posted a very eloquent explanation of a female/male dynamic & wisely, Whiskey, Ms. Micki & Aurora have understood it.

Funny how some of the men have tried to poke a hole in her statement(s) in how she feels & thinks.

Gentlemen, Cynthia is an educated attorney/project manager, w/ a very sophisticated thought process.

Funny how when some men are feeling threatened/marginalized by intelligent/educated women, they need to try to take a poke, despite the poke being feeble compared to the intelligent/educated woman's thoughts/words.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 163
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 1:20:38 PM

It has nothing to do with being threatened or marginalized. I (and others) simply have a different viewpoint and explained why I didn't complete agree with this.


I am so grateful that the POF Forums has a psychic posting! That you know what the other males (I did not give names, did i?) think.

I have MY OPINION, you have YOUR OPINION & everyone else has their own..

Oh Great Carnac The Magnificent , please inform the rest of the POF Forum what I m cooking for dinner tonight!

https://youtu.be/263eG7HfwBM
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 164
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 1:31:00 PM

It has nothing to do with being threatened or marginalized. I (and others) simply have a different viewpoint and explained why I didn't complete agree with this.

A different viewpoint is acceptable....
telling her she is a liar (twice) is not....(an yes, telling someone they are not being honest is calling them a liar)
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 165
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 1:31:05 PM

Funny how when some men are feeling threatened/marginalized by intelligent/educated women, they need to try to take a poke, despite the poke being feeble compared to the intelligent/educated woman's thoughts/words.


It’s not about men feeling threatened/marginalized by intelligent/educated women. I’d the say the same thing if it was a man who posted what she did. Just because she’s educated doesn’t mean that people shouldn’t have the right to question what she says. I actually find that women whine more than men in real life just because it’s more acceptable for them to express their emotions openly. They cry to their girlfriends. Men do not have such an outlet so maybe they let their emotions out more online.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 166
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 1:37:45 PM
^^employing the imaginary block button (like on FaceBook)









In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 167
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 1:44:42 PM
I'll admit, I don't get why someone states, "i'm going to test a potential partner, for their ability to stop me from performing one particular act" and then says, "I would never perform that one particular act". You're testing for the reaction to a scenario you'll never do? The contradiction of two ideas sounds like a waste of everyone's time. Test for what someone does, not for what someone will never do b/c you won't put them in that situation. again, I don't look to walk over people, so I don't say that i'm looking for it. I say what I am looking for, instead. sometimes, we blurt out a truth, and its healthy to reflect why we chose one set of words, and not another we've been using all this time. maybe we are hiding something from ourselves, b/c it doesn't fit in with the idealized idea of ourselves we hold dear.

But hey, as I said before, in the end, it works for you, and that's fine. keep doing it for everyone's sake. in post 145, I believe, you said you used to be proactive, and decided on a different tack. if it works, then it works, and results are what counts. its healthy to say, "my way of doing things may not work all the time, and I may have missed some results that could have worked. but its my way, and i'm sticking to it, it may miss some good results, but it hasn't led to any bad results, and that's a result i'm comfortable with"

but, like I said, if anyone says, "I test to make sure I can't abuse someone", that line of thinking is going to get a negative reaction. that's just the nature of the beast. men don't like being walked over any more than women do. hence all the ruffled feathers--the award we all get for speaking the truth, right? :)

Generally speaking, people don't all agree on what leadership is. But they think dey is one. Do I need to raise a child to know how to raise one, or is it only parents who are too close to the situation who can tell? Are all parents perfect b/c they are experienced? if we need experience, well then gosh, how can any of us answer questions about the relationship problems of others? we don't know them, we haven't experienced what they are going thru...only what we've gone thru. but yet somehow, thru the power of observation and what we're read...we can give them advice. If direct experience was a necessity, we couldn't have reached the moon--we didn't know anyone with experience. But we observed, made educated guesses, and planned for any issues we could consider.

I can't count the number of problems I've solved for others b/c it wasn't my problem, thus it wasn't my stress, thus I could see with clarity. And i'm sure i'm not the only person able to perform this magic :)

and to repeat something else I've said before...it seems like the best way to avoid a "Cold sell" is to approach a woman who has already shown interest. Body language, flirting, etc...if she's interested, then she's more receptive than some complete stranger who didn't even notice you entered the room. might as well try the safe bets first, right?
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 168
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:01:45 PM
No man is intimidated by educated women. Being educated doesn't automatically make you honest or mean you have common sense. She openly admitted she secretly tests men that she doesn't even know yet. That makes her a paragon of honesty? Seeing through someone's baloney doesn't mean you're reinterpreting their statements or putting words in their mouth, it just means you're not gullible.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 169
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:02:32 PM

I am so grateful that the POF Forums has a psychic posting! That you know what the other males (I did not give names, did i?) think.

I have MY OPINION, you have YOUR OPINION & everyone else has their own..

Oh Great Carnac The Magnificent , please inform the rest of the POF Forum what I m cooking for dinner tonight!

https://youtu.be/263eG7HfwBM<<


Based on what you wrote, it sounded like it was response to the men that did not like or agree with Cynthia said. I don't need to have psychic powers. LOL. Just look at most recent pages of this thread.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 170
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:33:25 PM

This isn't a passive-aggressive test, it isn't a mind fvck, it isn't making him read my mind, it isn't challenging him to be better or stronger than me; it is my 'test' of whether he is my equal. It is letting him think, feel, and act of his own volition.


What doesn’t make sense is that you state you want a man who is your equal; yet, you expect him to take the initiative in asking you out, while you remain passive. That’s not congruent with equality between the sexes. It’s sticking to an old outdated custom of the man being the pursuer. It’s outlived its usefulness in today’s society, where we have women running for President of the United States.

If you want men to pursue you, that’s fine, but just cop to it. It’s not because you want a man who’s your equal; it’s because you feel more comfortable clinging to traditional dating roles; thus, you want the man to be the one to put himself out there.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 171
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:38:30 PM

I'll admit, I don't get why someone states, "i'm going to test a potential partner, for their ability to stop me from performing one particular act" and then says, "I would never perform that one particular act".


Yes, that's exactly my point, as well.

"it's a test of whether he is assertive and confident enough that I won't be able to walk all over him."

It shouldn't be a matter of a man displaying "assertiveness" and "confidence" to leave a woman unable to "walk all over" him. It should be the woman's lack of desire to do it, but unfortunately, that is not what the quote above conveys at all.

If there were truly no chance of the "walking all over" to occur, there would be no need to conduct a "test" for its potential to begin with. Pure and simple.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 172
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:51:56 PM
Well, "Brianne of Tarth," otherwise known as CynthiaSM, seems to be leaving a battlefield littered with bloody corpses. LOL...

Brianne, er, Cynthia's premise is valid, in my view. I mean, c'mon, women DON'T favor men who are afraid of them. As in, "If he's 'fraid of little ol' me, what else is he afraid of?" I understand her rationale.

Maybe it's a generational thing...but back when I used to have fun with women, dating and all, back sometime in the....let's see....the late Bronze Age.....men did the asking most of the time.

I don't think it's a s-test. It's a defensive mechanism. Although we've come a long way, in roles of the genders...i.e.. women's lib, me too, feminism, etc. etc.etc.....one fact remains, and that fact is that one sex is much more likely to bang indiscriminately and carelessly, and that would be men. Expecting the man to ask, to make the first move, provides at least one hoop to jump through that gives a woman at least a little better feeling that the man really likes them, and doesn't just want an easy bang.

Back in that era when I dated, right after the wheel was invented, I was much more likely to bang a woman I didn't care about if she came after me, vs. vice versa. That fact, and alcohol. lol
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 173
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 2:58:32 PM

It’s sticking to an old outdated custom of the man being the pursuer.


No, it's EVOLUTIONARY & BIOLOGICAL.


It’s outlived its usefulness in today’s society, where we have women running for President of the United States.


Romantic relationships are just that...while political aspirations are quite another thing.

Because a woman ran for President, women should not be feminine or follow their own romantic pattern(s)?

And yes men can be intimidated by a woman's intellect, education, assets, etc.

My own ex- husband told me that I made him feel (he chose his own feelings, I did not inflict them on him) INADEQUATE, bec. in 1987, I shopped for a mortgage & found the best deal at the time.

I think some of the men of today do not have a penis, or maybe they are not able to or are interested in using their penis(es) on a woman/vagina.

HAIL TO THE V !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 174
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 3:02:58 PM

Well, "Brianne of Tarth," otherwise known as CynthiaSM, seems to be leaving a battlefield littered with bloody corpses. LOL...

Brianne, er, Cynthia's premise is valid, in my view. I mean, c'mon, women DON'T favor men who are afraid of them. As in, "If he's 'fraid of little ol' me, what else is he afraid of?" I understand her rationale.

Maybe it's a generational thing...but back when I used to have fun with women, dating and all, back sometime in the....let's see....the late Bronze Age.....men did the asking most of the time.

I don't think it's a s-test. It's a defensive mechanism. Although we've come a long way, in roles of the genders...i.e.. women's lib, me too, feminism, etc. etc.etc.....one fact remains, and that fact is that one sex is much more likely to bang indiscriminately and carelessly, and that would be men. Expecting the man to ask, to make the first move, provides at least one hoop to jump through that gives a woman at least a little better feeling that the man really likes them, and doesn't just want an easy bang.

Back in that era when I dated, right after the wheel was invented, I was much more likely to bang a woman I didn't care about if she came after me, vs. vice versa.
That fact, and alcohol. lol


I didn't see this TIL AFTER I MADE MY POST

Very delightful & on point!

Refreshing a man who likes/loves women & probably "V" !!!
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 175
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 3:08:23 PM

It’s sticking to an old outdated custom of the man being the pursuer.


No, it's EVOLUTIONARY & BIOLOGICAL.


Where’s your proof that that it’s evolutionary and biological? I can counter your argument with exceptions. I do believe it was women themselves who killed chivalry because the feminists asked for equality. Before that men were happy to be the pursuers and pay for everything. Maybe your beef should be with the feminists and not the men today who you perceive as emasculated. A woman having an education and being strong and assertive aren’t exactly traditional feminine traits either - at least in our culture.
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