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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 176
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??Page 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

A woman having an education and being strong and assertive aren’t exactly traditional feminine traits either - at least in our culture.

tell that to Shakira, Cindy Crawford, Natalie Portman, Ashley Judd....just to name a few highly intelligent, strong, assertive women....
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 177
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 4:41:15 PM
^^^ Well, yeah. I don’t have anything against strong, assertive women, but it isn’t a traditional value in a lot of cultures. In a few it is - native North American cultures allowed women to participate in a great deal of decision making. Cynthia said she tests a man to see if he has “the balls” to ask her out. That sounds like she holds men to traditional standards of masculinity. I pointed out that being educated and strong and assertive isn’t a traditional feminine value in our society - it’s more recent development. You can’t hold men to traditional standards of behaviour while not wanting to be held to traditional standards of behaviour yourself.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 178
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:06:07 PM
I've been thinking about this. I want a masculine guy. I'm actually more attracted to guys who are more macho, have jobs that involve working in the trades or farming or forestry, that type of work. And while I like to make my own decisions, I don't mind a more outgoing dominant guy, providing he's also considerate of my feelings. I do not want a pushover.

I feel like because I want a more masculine man then maybe I should be a bit more feminine. I've always been a tomboy, never comfortable to be wearing makeup or dresses or the like. And I was always into sports and the outdoors. So maybe I didn't give off the most feminine of appearances. Maybe this is why I was often overlooked by the more masculine men because I wasn't girly enough. However, back in my university days I did doll up to go out with friends to dances or bars or clubs and I did enjoy it and I did get attention from guys. I felt pretty. Today I actually bought a dress and makeup and I think I want to start dressing differently, maybe get out of my jeans and t-shirts and hospital scrubs, start trying to be more feminine. I don't exactly feel natural in the stuff but it makes me feel good. I feel like maybe I need to change and I want to change. Maybe sometimes I was just hiding in jeans and t-shirts so I didn't put myself out there.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 179
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:22:53 PM
Women haven't always been assertive, but they've always been strong.

July, there are some pretty summer dresses that you just throw on, no fuss, no muss☺ It's very freeing to not wear pants, then combined with sandals, you will feel very unencumbered. I had to go shopping after my divorce since most of my clothes were sporty outdoor stuff for hiking and kayaking. Dressing like that could encourage weight loss.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 180
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 5:29:45 PM
178
I've been thinking about this. I want a masculine guy. I'm actually more attracted to guys who are more macho, have jobs that involve working in the trades or farming or forestry, that type of work. And while I like to make my own decisions, I don't mind a more outgoing dominant guy, providing he's also considerate of my feelings.

July are you describing your father? After all he was the greatest male influence on your younger life. No I'm not talking daddy issues which some fool on here might start babbling about.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 181
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 6:01:02 PM
"July are you describing your father?"

July lives in a small town in the middle of nowhere. So what I think she's describing is the type of guy that would be most available in her area. And it could be describing her father's line of work.
 julystorm7
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 182
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 6:07:21 PM
Yes, I think maybe the guy I describe is a lot like my dad. My dad is a tall man who farmed in the summers and went into the bush in B.C. in the winter to work as a logger (lumberjack). He's good at fixing stuff and building stuff.

I am conscious that maybe I do see qualities of what I want in a man the same as my dad's qualities. However, I am also aware that my father had a lot of trauma in his childhood and adolescence which let to a drinking problem and self-sabotaging relationships, including that of his marriage to my mom. He was married thrice. But my mom, even years later still loves my dad I believe even though she will never ever get back together with him because he was always the life of the party, had a great sense of humour, loved to dance and have fun and worked hard at the same time. But he was a cheater too. I definitely don't want a guy with those issues. But I am close to my dad, I always have been his little girl I guess and despite his shortcomings, certain qualities of his remain important ones I look to in a man.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 183
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 6:55:59 PM
That's what I thought July, after all the greatest influence on a new born is there parents and of course it is that which leads to the main
development of ones personality. Do you think maybe those good qualities of your dad's equate to what you've come to look for in a man because as a child they made you so happy and now you seek them out in a man? I ask this because I was raised by women, my mother and my sister. Their influence determined the type of women I was attracted to so strongly that includes the physical. I have always been attracted to women who wear glasses which they both had. Additionally I was 6 or 7 when the Equal Rights Movement began to ramp up. This totally confused me since being raised by women I already thought they were equal. It also resulted in my knowing nothing about cars until my mid 20's. Go figure.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 184
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 7:33:16 PM

Today I actually bought a dress and makeup and I think I want to start dressing differently, maybe get out of my jeans and t-shirts and hospital scrubs, start trying to be more feminine. I don't exactly feel natural in the stuff but it makes me feel good. I feel like maybe I need to change and I want to change. Maybe sometimes I was just hiding in jeans and t-shirts so I didn't put myself out there.


Some may say it's shallow, but men are visual & if you feel more feminine w/ some cosmetics & different attire go for it.

When a woman alters her appearance, as in some weight loss, more feminine hairstyle/clothing, cosmetics, etc. it is sending a signal.

An added bonus, skirts & dresses are way less $$ than jeans!

I find skirts very comfortable & healthier for the "V" !!!!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 185
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 7:54:50 PM


It’s sticking to an old outdated custom of the man being the pursuer.


No, it's EVOLUTIONARY & BIOLOGICAL.


That implies that men and women have no brains and rely on instinct only. Let’s get realistic, shall we? The truth of the matter is that the older we women get, the less applicable biology and evolution become in attracting a mate. Women are no longer the “guardian of the egg”, because we have no more eggs to guard.

In the 55+ age group, there are more available women than men, because women tend to outlive men. Like it or not, that’s a biological fact. Therefore, we as older women need to be more proactive in going after the men we find attractive. Part of that entails asking them out.

If an older, single woman doesn’t pursue the man she wants, trust me, some other woman in her age group will. That’s a given. You snooze, you lose - to another woman who is based in reality, rather than some text book explanation of evolution and biology.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 186
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/20/2018 10:28:05 PM
Biology has absolutely nothing to do with gender roles. Gender roles are *societal* based standards, which have been irrefutably proven to be subject to change.
 playingindirt
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 187
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 5:26:06 AM
they're just regular folk. there is nothing wrong with that. what do you expect? super models or more pictures of their dang boats and cars? lol

the majority of men that message me are full of do do and don't know their *** from a hole in the ground. lol
reality kicks in when they discover you are for real.
It's all groovy until they have to put a little heart into it.

a relationship isn't always roses, neither is single life.
there are going to be times when your relationship is uneventful.

however I see every day as a wondrous adventure so I'm cool with eventful and uneventful days.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 188
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 5:49:04 AM

That implies that men and women have no brains and rely on instinct only.

Actually, we have many instincts in us, not just reproductive, that have been "socialized" out of us. (Not a good thing either) Ever read "Blink"?


Let’s get realistic, shall we? The truth of the matter is that the older we women get, the less applicable biology and evolution become in attracting a mate. Women are no longer the “guardian of the egg”, because we have no more eggs to guard.

While men & women are less HORMONAL as they age, their brains are still wired differently- there will be some changes w/ age, a man will develop more compassion as his testosterone decreases & a woman will become more assertive as her estrogen decreases, but their brain & structures (corpus callosum) do not change unless they have a stroke or dementia, etc. Not being fertile anymore does not change the primitive part of us.


In the 55+ age group, there are more available women than men, because women tend to outlive men. Like it or not, that’s a biological fact.

Very true, and as those women age, their sex drive may drop & they may not want a man as a sex partner anymore. They may want friends & join a senior group or The Red Hat Society, etc. Children & grandchildren, travel, hobbies, volunteer work become more appealing in many of them. They are no longer willing to put up w/ BS just "to have a man"!


Therefore, we as older women need to be more proactive in going after the men we find attractive. Part of that entails asking them out.

I do not know what age group you are thinking about, but I dated & remarried in my late 50's & never asked men out. I was more pro-active in diet & grooming, in setting boundaries to weed out people, places & things that were not beneficial to me. That is being proactive IMO.


If an older, single woman doesn’t pursue the man she wants, trust me, some other woman in her age group will. That’s a given.
A man who is so passive he sits back at an older age & lets himself be chosen is not worth having IMO. How is THAT a prize? How is endorsing women to compete for men like they are panning for gold a positive thing? That attitude reeks of desperation - a quality man will be repulsed by that!


You snooze, you lose - to another woman who is based in reality, rather than some text book explanation of evolution and biology.

Sorry, I beg to differ. It was my knowledge of evolution & biology that led to me having better success w/ people in general, specifically w/males. Just take a look at my profile pix ;0P
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 189
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 6:29:57 AM

A man who is so passive he sits back at an older age & lets himself be chosen is not worth having IMO. How is THAT a prize? How is endorsing women to compete for men like they are panning for gold a positive thing? That attitude reeks of desperation - a quality man will be repulsed by that!


Or, maybe some men have discovered that there's more to life than catering to a woman's whims. I've seen plenty of men having p*ssing contests at my age. My opinion?-Go away, you bore me. I am not impressed with what you do, or have. Go find someone else that will jump through your hoops, because I'm not planning to lower myself to your level. I'm happy with what I have.

Sure, go ahead, yap away about whatever. I can fake being impressed with your silly goals. Rather like women faking orgasms. You still have to face your morning after, I don't. Being someone's prize isn't what I had in mind for me.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 190
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 6:43:33 AM

Being someone's prize isn't what I had in mind for me


exactly- it would be more like a lapdog that was caught by the dog catcher or a butterfly caught w/ a butterfly net.

sheesh!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 191
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 7:47:47 AM


Therefore, we as older women need to be more proactive in going after the men we find attractive. Part of that entails asking them out.


I do not know what age group you are thinking about, but I dated & remarried in my late 50's & never asked men out. I was more pro-active in diet & grooming, in setting boundaries to weed out people, places & things that were not beneficial to me. That is being proactive IMO


I'm happy to hear you managed to attract a man willing to pursue you. You are much younger than I, so there are more available men in your age bracket than in mine. You two appear to be well-suited for each other and are equals in terms of looks.

Diet and grooming are things everyone should be taking care of, regardless of whether or not they date. It has nothing to do with being proactive. Same thing with setting boundaries.



If an older, single woman doesn’t pursue the man she wants, trust me, some other woman in her age group will. That’s a given.


A man who is so passive he sits back at an older age & lets himself be chosen is not worth having IMO. How is THAT a prize? How is endorsing women to compete for men like they are panning for gold a positive thing? That attitude reeks of desperation - a quality man will be repulsed by that!


You're misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not suggesting a woman go after a passive man, unless that's the kind of man she's attracted to. What I'm suggesting is that she be proactive and pursue a man who is in demand, the same way a man might pursue a woman who is in demand.

It shouldn't be all one-sided where only the woman gets to be passive, while the man does all the pursuing. In other words, equality. If a man is repulsed by equality, he is NOT a quality man. Not in my book.
 playingindirt
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 192
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 7:51:17 AM
all you have to do is represent yourself as the person that you know you are. nobody is asking you to do a jig. but if you expect to sit back and take no initiative don't make judgments when she picks somebody else.

it's not hard to do a little something for someone that they can do for themselves just because you want to show them a little special attention.
I do it all the time. sometimes it comes back,sometimes it don't. lol
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 193
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 8:14:01 AM
^^^I don't even want to know what the heck you're hinting at....
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 194
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 8:23:18 AM

it's not hard to do a little something for someone that they can do for themselves just because you want to show them a little special attention.
I do it all the time. sometimes it comes back,sometimes it don't. lol




^^^I don't even want to know what the heck you're hinting at....



A hand job?
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 195
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 8:27:17 AM

all you have to do is represent yourself as the person that you know you are. nobody is asking you to do a jig. but if you expect to sit back and take no initiative don't make judgments when she picks somebody else.

it's not hard to do a little something for someone that they can do for themselves just because you want to show them a little special attention.
I do it all the time. sometimes it comes back,sometimes it don't. lol


^I agree w/ this- being your authentic self & being kind

The other gal, maybe you didn't mean it to sound that way, but it sounded like that awful TV show, The Bachelor, where these women all but claw each other's eyes out to get a man!

In old age, that type of man would be similar to an aged, bragadacious, playboy-wanna-be who grossly exaggerates his conquests (thinking of another forumite) who will have sex w/ most of the women he can, but draws the line on anything else. OBNOXIOUS

I must add, what ever 2 consenting adults do HONESTLY is their business, but the misrepresentation I've seen over the years by men to get sex/nurse w/ the purse from women is alarming.

ONE EXAMPLE:

About 20 years ago, I met a woman who was at least 15 years older than me. We were both doing volunteer work in the community after 9-11. So anyway we became friends. This lady had a degree & professional license from a prestigious university & was taking an early semi-retirement.

Her Mother who had 8-9 kids, became widowed in her late 30's, worked & also got a Social Security check to help raise the kids. All put themselves through college & were very responsible.

The mother, who was religious & went to church, at age 50, met a retired widowed minister 20 years her senior, aged 70, his kids were grown & he had his own home. They got married. For the next 20 years, she took care of him, cooked, cleaned, doted on the old man, etc. He died when he was 90, she was 70.

He had always promised her he'd "take care of her"- well, after he passed, the stepchildren threw her out of the house & sold it.

For the next 20+ years, till she herself passed, she stayed w/ her kids, moving around from time to time, from house to house.

Her reward for being a free nurse/housekeeper to a man 2o years older than her was to be thrown out.

She was used, IMO & my friend's opinion, not for sex, but USED, free 24/7 nurse/housekeeper.

So yes, there is being kind, being nice, but there is being a doormat & being used & tossed like trash :0(

There are enough stories like this floating around that many women are no longer falling for it & getting duped ;0)
 Whisky_River
Joined: 10/14/2017
Msg: 196
Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 9:45:09 AM

A hand job?



^^I agree w/ this- being your authentic self & being kind

Do what you got to do....
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 197
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 10:41:29 AM
Maybe POF is just one giant online contest
and we're all participants?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 198
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 11:14:49 AM
Blonde, I know of an 83 year old man whose wife died only 7 months ago, but he hit the ground running right after she died to look for his new caregiver. He imported a Filipino woman that's 43. He said she has to have sex with him too. He's pretty decrepit looking. She arrived, and then they married a week later. There was a wedding this weekend, and he flipped out because she went dress shopping for it, but he didn't like the prices, so she had to borrow a dress from his son's wife. He made her only bring a few clothes from Philippines, and is now balking at buying her clothes, and of course he doesn't want her working. She escaped the Philippines to end up living the life of a woman circa 1920.

I see quite a few men say they're willing to relocate. Can you say jobless and homeless?☺

With that said, an attractive quality is a man that can take care of himself and that wants a companion, not an unpaid caregiver.
 playingindirt
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 199
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 11:33:39 AM
I'm not hinting at anything. I was trying to quote someone and messed it up so all you got was a random post. any more questions?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 200
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Why so many physically unattractive men on here??
Posted: 5/21/2018 11:38:44 AM
I don't know how the subject deviated to May-December relationships or mail-order brides. That isn't what I was talking about in my previous posts about equality.

As far as being willing to relocate goes, it could mean the man is retired, or works from home. It doesn't necessarily mean he is jobless or homeless.
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