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 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 201
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Women Don't Know What They WantPage 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I’ve never really understood so many people’s need to filter out certain other people with your profile *on this site* (Match, eH, etc. are a completely different story). Considering there is no rule you must reply back to the sender (or for that matter, even read the message), the desire to filter would suggest the person attempting to do so is getting so many messages that he/she can’t handle the volume. Very members of this site are having that issue outside of some women 18-29-ish, and even then, only those in major population areas. I’d like to meet the man getting dozens of first contact emails a day, and even most fairly attractive women over 30 are getting a controllable amount of messages.

Occasionally I will come across a woman’s profile that contains an apology about not answering all messages because she gets so many, and such women are always young and VERY attractive. Years ago during POF’s heyday, one of my female friends in my major metro was on here: very pretty, modelesque, blonde, white, average height, early 20s at the time. SHE needed as many filters as she could get – she logged on for me and showed me what she was dealing with – over 100 emails already that day, and more just kept popping into her box every minute she stayed logged in. It was just absurd. No doubt it didn’t matter what she wrote on her profile, the activity was going to be like that – what she needed was more hard coded filters, like the age filter that doesn’t allow contact at all outside of the limits set.

But the vast majority of us can easily deal with (or ignore) the amount of messages we get from “undesirables.” Writing your preferences in your profile seems mostly like a misguided act of frustration, or sometimes just an outright maliciousness toward certain people. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen some variety of “I’m not a racist but I only date white men.” (No good ever began with “I’m not a racist but…”) My favorites are the ones that have “NO BLACKS!!!!” in the freakin’ header. Really, getting a few messages from some black guys you could just ignore is so disturbing to you that you have to scream it at the top of your lungs – and you actually think that’s going to accomplish what you want it to accomplish??? I obviously agree with most of the others here: no matter how politely you put such filters, even if it doesn’t disqualify me (like I’ve seen a couple of “BLACK GUYS ONLY!!!”), it’s a complete and total turnoff, not the least of which is because it suggests the woman is pretty stupid to think it’s a good idea to put such things in her profile – which I don’t have a problem with dating such women, unless it’s MEAN stupid.

As for the original subject: as I’ve said before, I’m sure a great deal of my 12 year dateless streak can be attributed to aging out of my demographic. Many younger women do not seem to know what they want, and nearly all of my dates who were in their teens and early 20s just seemed completely experimental – dating all kinds of guys, even freaks, just to see what they liked and didn’t like. Older women have accumulated a lifetime of dating/relationship experiences and have a very good idea of, if not so much exactly what they want, certainly what they don’t want. And I’m definitely not what women with experience want. Plus, it eventually just becomes a vicious cycle, feeding on itself: the handful of women who are single at this age tend to be the most selective women, or else they probably wouldn’t be single. I have no idea how old the OP was before he was deleted nor any of the women he dated, but if they were young, then his assessment seems accurate, but if they were older, then I suppose you have to start factoring in maturity.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 202
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/6/2019 4:15:38 PM

Guys may be visual creatures and turn into drooling idiots at the sight of a half-naked lady


AND HAVE to take off their clothes

I never said that. Never said it was a requirement. Not my context. That's your view.


no it is easy just like spewing the right words..

I don't think 'Spewing' anything is attractive. I don't think a lot of other people would either.
It's a good word for building the visual that the other guy is some sort of troll - I'll give you that.


every last one of us has the propensity to manipulate or be manipulated-a child cries!!

Most definitely. So long as you have the parental instinct, it works. That's how Advertising baits people - using the basic notions and tendencies we all have. Morgan Freeman in the movie "Seven" refers to crying out 'Fire' instead of 'Rape' because the gut reaction from the general public draws more interest. My point is there are a lot of people out there that believe they are too brilliant to be suckered into anything stupid - and end up on TV being interviewed as the third of five wives in a Con Man's life. Being intelligent on paper or in business or a lot of other fields does NOT equate to being the 'Best' at Love. We all need to work at it - clothes or no clothes.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 203
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/6/2019 5:01:17 PM
the "HAVE TO" stressing was not because it is a requirement by the oh so necessary male lol but the idea that a woman might somehow feel it was a stressful or a difficulty was my implication. Shit!!: " wow nothing else needs be developed except pretty hair and a passable physique to appeal to those in my demographic of interest" (how e z pee z would that b e)
The idea that using right words with no sincerity=spewing>seems fitting- originally that was not my intent to indicate a troll. But you did call out my subconscious, indeed that technique was utilized to manipulate me- so indeed i guess you are correct! He was a troll under the bridge waiting for this ignorant billy goat gruff!! He even looked a like a troll or garden gnome.. lol both are as unappealing now as the empty words used to be appealing ! And yes now I am a bit wiser. I try to carry over intelligence into my decision making process: but I certainly warrant an interview-more fitting of the jerry springer show: Interview with recovered DUMB ASS"but Jerry doesn't do interviews- he likes that conflict- a emotional boxing match.. MY troll has moved on never to darken my doorstep again..(threat of Popo-after an eviction and a lawsuit, cleared that up) He won't even show his face in "his town" again... lol
PS If fielding her E-mails was burdensome here is a clue hide your photo and log out!!! I'd rather show my heterosexual male friend all those who desire me!! And complain I am so wanted Wooah is me>> To funny like telling everybody every time a stranger whistles or hoots -LOL telling the story in the guise of offense when you don't belong to a social change movement!
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 204
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/7/2019 5:59:40 AM
“PS If fielding her E-mails was burdensome here is a clue hide your photo and log out!!! I'd rather show my heterosexual male friend all those who desire me!! And complain I am so wanted Wooah is me>> To funny like telling everybody every time a stranger whistles or hoots -LOL telling the story in the guise of offense when you don't belong to a social change movement!”

To be fair, that came about when I stumbled across her profile during my own regular browsing and sent her a message as a joke, but she never responded to it. The next time I saw her in a social situation, I joked with her about not responding to my message, and her reply was that she never saw my message because she gets so many messages that she can’t read them all (and was honestly getting a little annoyed with the site – she deleted her profile shortly thereafter). Which I compared to my one legitimate first contact message received every 3 months situation at the time (oh, for those days – eventually I would go a year from one first contact message to the next), which I guess led to her attempting to prove that was actually happening to her, though I believed her before she showed me because I’d been in the forums trenches long enough at that point to know that does happen to women like her (heck, good ol’ Markus used to actually mention it every now and then when he was active on the message boards) and figured that’s why she never responded – I was just messing with her. Nevertheless, it was pretty cool to actually check out the site from an attractive woman's point-of-view -- witnessing such things first hand is more fascinating than just reading or hearing about them.

BTW, I’m pretty sure this is the reason why Bumble is taking off like few other dating apps/sites in history, even having a Super Bowl ad featuring Serena Williams (not entirely sure I understand that one – fairly sure Serena didn’t meet her husband on Bumble). On Bumble, women only get messages from men those women have expressed interest in – and men can only message women that message them first, so that cuts down greatly on the massive inefficiency of POF for both men and women. That said, the majority of my rare matches on Bumble are apparently “swipe right accidents” by the women, because the majority of my matches delete our match or let our match expire before messaging me, so that’s a little annoying. But overall, a much better experience than sending out thousands of articulate but unanswered messages on POF, and if a woman does send me a message on Bumble but later ghosts me, I know it’s because I said something stupid, not because I’m physically repulsive to her (which is undoubtedly the case with most of my POF rejections), so that makes me feel a LITTLE better. Just got to stop saying stupid things! (Of course, one woman’s stupid thing is another woman’s Shakespeare… dating is a very inexact science.)
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 205
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/7/2019 8:11:33 AM

But the vast majority of us can easily deal with (or ignore) the amount of messages we get from “undesirables.” Writing your preferences in your profile seems mostly like a misguided act of frustration, or sometimes just an outright maliciousness toward certain people. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen some variety of “I’m not a racist but I only date white men.” (No good ever began with “I’m not a racist but…”) My favorites are the ones that have “NO BLACKS!!!!” in the freakin’ header. Really, getting a few messages from some black guys you could just ignore is so disturbing to you that you have to scream it at the top of your lungs – and you actually think that’s going to accomplish what you want it to accomplish??? I obviously agree with most of the others here: no matter how politely you put such filters, even if it doesn’t disqualify me (like I’ve seen a couple of “BLACK GUYS ONLY!!!”), it’s a complete and total turnoff, not the least of which is because it suggests the woman is pretty stupid to think it’s a good idea to put such things in her profile – which I don’t have a problem with dating such women, unless it’s MEAN stupid.


- I've also seen some profiles where the woman wants to date black men only. So it works both/all ways. It didn't bother me because I see it as a preference.

Again though, if it turns some people off, it could turn anybody off, and should not be in a profile. It can;t help you and can only hurt you.





On another subject, I've talked to women who won't go on a dating site...... my friend who looks like Xena tried it and got stalked so she only dates men she knows. I'd date her but she's five hours away and I'm one who does not like long distance relationships - but I might do it anyway. I'll admit it's nice to have a backup lady!
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 206
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/7/2019 3:18:51 PM
“I've also seen some profiles where the woman wants to date black men only. So it works both/all ways.”

Well, I did say in that very paragraph you quoted: “I obviously agree with most of the others here: no matter how politely you put such filters, even if it doesn’t disqualify me (like I’ve seen a couple of ‘BLACK GUYS ONLY!!!’), it’s a complete and total turnoff”

It’s actually pretty difficult to say what “preferences” couldn’t be interpreted negatively in open-ended form, even by those that they don’t affect. It has to be something super-generic to the point that it’s meaningless: “I prefer to date cute, intelligent, honest, kind men” – okay, that’s not going to offend anybody, because all those terms are up for interpretation – EVERY guy probably thinks he is or could pass as one of those, except maybe the dishonest ones, who don’t care and will claim they’re honest anyway. You start getting specific, you start treading dangerously: “I prefer to date college-educated men who look like Zach Effron and have never lied to any women and broken any hearts” – right off the bat, you’re gonna get the “Hey, what’s wrong with guys that don’t have a fancy piece-of-paper – that don’t mean we’re not smart!!!” people up in arms and it just goes downhill from there. That’s why it’s best just to describe yourself and what you like to do, which should be enough to strike up the interest of the right man/woman without offending those you could never be interested in dating along the way: just ignore their emails.

Of course, I’m talking about POF’s open-ended type format. Match’s hard-coded multiple choice filters are completely different. For one thing, Match is a pay site and there aren’t as many Neanderthals and bottom feeders hanging out there that like to cause trouble. But more than that, it’s just more difficult to get offended by hard-coded selections than open-ended wording. I remember coming across the same woman’s profiles on both POF and Match, the latter first. On Match she had a couple of completely unobjectionable description information paragraphs, mostly describing herself and a little on her ideal mate, all personality traits. But I was disqualified from messaging her because her minimum height selected was 5’10” (even though she was only 5’2” herself, shorter than me) and she had only selected “White” for ethnicity options. I just shrugged and moved on to the next one. But when I got to her POF profile, since there aren’t any hard-coded places to choose such filters/preferences, she decided to tack them into her open-ended description area (which was otherwise the same as it was on Match) – something like “Sorry, but I only date WHITE men. And 5’10 and up, please – just my preference! I like ‘em tall!”

So in her Match profile, she was just another woman who wasn’t interested in dating somebody like me. In her POF profile, she was a RAGING B*TCH.

I’ve also had the reverse experience with Match and POF. That is, I’ll see a woman’s POF profile and she’ll mention nothing about her preferences, leading me to message her because we seem like a good match and she didn’t disqualify me. But then I’ll later stumble across her Match profile, and she’ll have a 6 foot minimum selected or race or religious requirements I don’t meet, and I’ll be like “Damn, wasted a message on that woman and didn’t even know it until now – no wonder she never responded.” So, yeah, sure, women putting their preferences in their POF profile might very well make the experience more efficient for men, but I don’t think it’s worth it, for women or men, just because there’s almost no tactful way you can state many preferences in an open-ended format, but dating site-created filters are by their very definition tactful and convey the same helpful information in a much less offensive manner.
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 207
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/7/2019 3:41:29 PM

So in her Match profile, she was just another woman who wasn’t interested in dating somebody like me. In her POF profile, she was a RAGING B*TCH.
that is the vibe I get too. just no polite way to tell someone they fall short of their expectations, realistic or not. haven't been on match in years but think their approach is better in some ways. what wasn't better was the minimum income. the intended use made sense but many profiles had high requirements when they clearly lived in a different income bracket. cant help but think that carries over on all preferences.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 208
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/7/2019 4:27:27 PM
Hawking...
I don’t get it. Same profile except of POF she’s a raging **** BECAUSE she adds her preferences but in the next paragraph you say this could make the experience more efficient for men?

That’s a pretty low bar for ‘raging ****’.
In the future, I’ll just have to re-evaluate whenever a man calls a woman names and wonder what has his boxers in a twist.
“She didn’t call me back... she’s such a ****.”
“She didn’t like my joke ... she such a ****.”
“She expected me to pay for coffee... such a ****.”

Makes me wonder whatever happed to “damn, she rammed my car and ran after me with a rusty knife screaming what she plannned to do” style ****.
 oldwxman
Joined: 7/22/2018
Msg: 209
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 5:44:36 AM

That’s a pretty low bar for ‘raging ****’.
In the future, I’ll just have to re-evaluate whenever a man calls a woman names and wonder what has his boxers in a twist.
“She didn’t call me back... she’s such a ****.”
“She didn’t like my joke ... she such a ****.”
“She expected me to pay for coffee... such a ****.”

Makes me wonder whatever happed to “damn, she rammed my car and ran after me with a rusty knife screaming what she plannned to do” style ****.

Nah, Hawking is right. Disagreeable is disagreeable no matter how you slice and dice it. OLD has been around long enough for certain patterns to make themselves plain. The "just my preference" ones ARE the rusty knife ones. We know it now.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 210
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 7:47:10 AM
“I don’t get it. Same profile except of POF she’s a raging **** BECAUSE she adds her preferences but in the next paragraph you say this could make the experience more efficient for men?”

It is a contradiction, isn’t it? Let’s face it: every strategy, every format will lead to some frustration. Is it better to have my time wasted or to feel insulted? Would I rather be shot or poisoned?

At this point in my 12 year POF “career,” I don’t really mind having my time wasted. Why? Because there are so few options left – profiles of women I’d seriously be interested in dating are now far and few between, because there are so few single women left in my area whose age parameters I fall into, and most of those that are left have something seriously wrong with them. I’m rarely ever first contacting more than 10 women a week these days – how much time and effort does that take? But 10 years ago, even 5 years ago, when there were many times more women in this area whose age parameters I fell into, I was sending out dozens of first contact messages a week – it was like a part time job. That was taking up tons of my time and required a lot of effort, so back then, messaging a woman I had absolutely no chance with (but didn’t know it from her profile) was an annoying, frustrating experience, because I could have better spent that time and effort on some other woman that I did have a chance with, as there were just so many options I never could contact them all. So although seeing “NO BLACKS!!!!” plastered all over a profile might feel insulting, I didn’t really have time to dwell on it. Now I have TONS of time to dwell on it, and in fact these same women keep coming up in my searches over and over again, because there are so few women in general left, and when they change their main profile pic, I oftentimes don’t realize I already clicked on them and have to experience the “insults” yet again.

“That’s a pretty low bar for ‘raging ****’”

Is it now? I mean, you seem like a fairly progressive white woman. If you walked up to a store in current times and saw a sign on the door that said “NO BLACKS!!!!!” or even “Sorry, white people only,” you wouldn’t be PO’ed? Heck, you’d probably call the federal DA or the media and report it. Hey, it’s just the store’s preference! You think it feels any different for someone of color to see that “sign” on a person’s profile?

Again, I’d like to think there was some tactful, non-insulting way to express such a preference in a description area... but really, there isn’t. Outside of hardcoded preference filters created by the site.

And again, any reasonably astute person would realize what stating such preferences looks like and also realize how unnecessary it is to do so. Which is why I immediately question the motives of such people. Most especially with race/ethnicity, but even height, income, religion, body type have a lot of grey areas. And I say that as someone who some women probably think SHOULD be putting my body type preference in my profile so they won't waste their time contacting me, as I'm definitely not going to date any morbidly obese women. But something tells me I'd probably get some hate mail with "No fatties!" or even just "I prefer women who aren't obese" in my profile. Or worse, scare away some slightly overweight woman not sure if she qualifies as "obese" or an attractive athletic woman who thinks what I wrote shows that I'm "shallow" or something. Just not worth it -- I can always just ignore the emails from women I don't find attractive.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 211
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 9:34:30 AM

If you walked up to a store in current times and saw a sign on the door that said “NO BLACKS!!!!!” or even “Sorry, white people only,” you wouldn’t be PO’ed? Heck, you’d probably call the federal DA or the media and report it. Hey, it’s just the store’s preference! You think it feels any different for someone of color to see that “sign” on a person’s profile?

Again, I’d like to think there was some tactful, non-insulting way to express such a preference in a description area... but really, there isn’t. Outside of hardcoded preference filters created by the site.

And again, any reasonably astute person would realize what stating such preferences looks like and also realize how unnecessary it is to do so.


Very succinctly put. I was a bit taken aback that my post was questioned in message 184.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 212
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 1:17:53 PM

And again, any reasonably astute person would realize what stating such preferences looks like and also realize how unnecessary it is to do so.


I understand how women are frustrated with the amount of unwanted messages received in here and are trying to look for ANY solutions to limit the volume. They are practically begging for a way to reduce the 'Signal-to-Noise' ratio. It's no easy task. BUT - at the same time - not every woman in here gets 400 messages a day. THAT is drama built from the 'Fresh Meat' syndrome - when the opening of a new profile brings out all kinds of first messages - but for many - even most - that volume tails off considerably after a week or so.

There are plenty of beauty queens and fitness models that will still get a LOT of message volume in here no matter what - but that is not everyone. What I really want to figure out is where the legitimate numbers problem lies - and where it is really a bunch of ladies crying 'wolf' because they don't WANT the messages they are getting. We all should know the vast majority of the singles in here are desiring the same smaller group of attractive people - I like using the 85% want the 15% ratio - but that does not mean you are entitled to the vanity of blocking out 85% of the messages you receive simply because you want better. Guys often have no clue how much crap gals get in their inbox - because guys rarely get ANYthing, from ANYone. Women need to realize the Signal-to-Noise problem exists for men, too -- 85% of what comes in is undesirable - but our volumes are a few messages a MONTH, not two dozen a day. We are not any less impressed than you are - but the Average Joe gets to choose between mediocrity - and nothing at all. The Average Jane still gets more choices, even if they limit themselves to the top 5%. I don't think that math ever really hits home.

'Not knowing what they want' sounds more like a defensive gesture from a guy -- so I get it that women hate the very idea of a man telling them what they are -- but most ordinary guys keep observing the same thing from the outside --- women are allowing the same kind of above-average attractive men a chance, and getting burned - again and again - but constantly refuse to let anything below a certain 'standard' a chance. Guys are never going to stop complaining if all women do is insist we live up to their expectations instead of accepting us as we are -- which is exactly what many women claim they want in their own profiles.

About the only recommendation I can make is what an attractive lady friend of has done in the past... she opens her profile for only a few days, then blocks it from public view. That limits her inbox somewhat so the volume is not overwhelming, and she can weed through the messages more carefully. I know some women have changed their body type from 'Athletic' to 'BBW' because it has a similar effect. You will NEVER be able to control the desirability of whomever tries to message you - so please stop trying change the math in that way. Like a lot of the previous posters have stated - being 'picky' with your profile text is not always the best way to go. 85% will still be bad eggs - but weeding out 17 of 20 messages is far less taxing then weeding out 85 of 100. There are plenty of decent men that may be in that 77% to 84% range, but if you can't give a profile more than a two-second glance, you will never find it.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 213
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 3:15:52 PM
Hawking...


“That’s a pretty low bar for ‘raging ****’”

Is it now? I mean, you seem like a fairly progressive white woman. If you walked up to a store in current times and saw a sign on the door that said “NO BLACKS!!!!!” or even “Sorry, white people only,” you wouldn’t be PO’ed? Heck, you’d probably call the federal DA or the media and report it. Hey, it’s just the store’s preference! You think it feels any different for someone of color to see that “sign” on a person’s profile?


I'm pretty sure that a store is open to all seeking their services.... some law or other about discrimination (unless it's artistic expression on wedding cakes).
A profile is NOT seeking to sell services. (Yes, I'm aware of the joke there).
Nor is it the responsibility of the person writing the profile to cater to the sensibilities of the masses (or whoever sees their profile). Theoretically, he/she is seeking for one person out of the entire population of POF. Someone who resonates with them, their sole soul mate, who can understand them through their profile.


And again, any reasonably astute person would realize what stating such preferences looks like

Like idiocy.

But that's allowable.
So is stating you don't like overweight/obese/fat/BBW women.
A smart person slides right on by those profiles and never thinks about them again.
They don't let themselves be bothered by the stupidity (or excessive pickiness or mild preferences) of someone saying 'no fatties', 'no shorties', 'no blacks', 'no bald men'.


Which is why I immediately question the motives of such people.

They're not paying attention to the meta-message of what they are saying.
Most probably don't have any motives more ulterior than not having to say 'we're not a match' to someone.

Which means, I still think calling someone who is only crude, crass, stupid, etc 'a raging b*tch' is going overboard on the hyperbole.

SweetDan...

...- but that does not mean you are entitled to the vanity of blocking out 85% of the messages you receive simply because you want better.

Why not? I would assume that anyone is entitled to blocking any percentage of messages they desire. It does defeat the purpose of actually being on a dating site but people are rarely logical or reasonable.
(In the interest of facts, I have no filters on my messages. I get about 2-3 messages a week with a high percentage being widowed engineers with children currently working overseas... I answer everyone's first message.)


...85% of what comes in is undesirable - but our volumes are a few messages a MONTH

I'm one of those 'undesirable's, I guess, but when I see a guy that I find attractive both physically and profile-ly, I send a message.
I don't take it personally if he says 'no, thanks'. I don't even cuss if he says 'I don't date fatties'.
As you say, no one can control the desirability of the people who desire them.
It doesn't stop people from trying...
... and crying sour grapes when they try to make a person to desire them.
 Inicia
Joined: 10/11/2018
Msg: 214
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 4:03:41 PM
It is weird that 2019 and we think it is totally acceptable to discuss ethnic preference???
 johnfromzelie
Joined: 3/8/2018
Msg: 215
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 4:34:25 PM
I am with hawk on this. maybe not for all his reasons but the negative comes across as a b*tch, doesn't mean she is but that is my first impression. I am a white male seeking a white female but it still rubs me wrong to see 'no blacks'! not for racist or politically correct reasons either. it could say 'no axe murderers' and still focus on the negativity. raging b*tch? no, she was just stating her preference but even though I agree, it sets the tone. stating full blooded Italian, Mexican or jewish and looking for the same says the same thing and I move on but no bad taste in my mouth. no fatties? 'I eat healthy and enjoy spending time at the gym' tells me were not a match. tack on 'you be too' and b*tch comes back in the picture. with only a few lines on a screen to form an opinion, my perfect match could be viewed totally wrong by wording it negatively. one way describes herself, the other says I want what I want and to hell with the rest of you. sure, a bit of a stretch and a few assumtions but with only a minute of viewing, I pick up on self centered and no compassion.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 216
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/8/2019 7:33:18 PM
192
As an example, I see a lot of women's profiles that state, "No Players". Even though I'm not a player, I'm wondering if the woman is damaged goods...... so even though it does not apply to me, it's a turnoff

Is that the only assumption you could think of? Where do you think these women are meeting these players? Considering how many assholes are prowling dating sites these woman would more than likely have met them on one. When I used to try to meet women. I always asked if they had a horror story from POF. Everyone said yes.

Ever see a women's profile that's full of hate. I've seen a few. They're written by women who have been burned by a player and they spell it out. They eventually change it but damn they are vicious.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 217
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 1:55:55 AM
I’ve a friend on here who was/is very clear on her profile about who she is and what she wants.
Listing the attributes she owns and what attributes she’s expecting in a man.
Very to the point.
She’s had some very arsey messages off guys.
One thing guys are surprised about when they meet her is how truthful her profile is.
Plus she gets the added disclaimer when things go pete tong of ‘I said it in my profile’ :)

Edit....title....me?
I can’t even make up my mind about what I fancy for dinner.

People really need to focus on what they do want though in relationships.
I’ve heard lots of people say ‘I know what I don’t want’ but that right there is giving the negatives space in your head. Reverse the thinking and your brain will be working on positives :)
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 218
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 8:03:31 AM

Writing something positive in a profile doesn't mean shit. I find that people who state that they are nice, open minded, don't judge etc. are usually bullshit. Some of the posters above claim to be those things but their comments from their forum history are the exact opposite of what they claim to be.

Yup. After I have gently explained after a meet that "I just don't feel the anticipation that I would like to feel at the thought of seeing you again", men have become offended, verbally nasty and then I BLOCK!
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 219
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 12:18:07 PM

After I have gently explained after a meet that "I just don't feel the anticipation that I would like to feel at the thought of seeing you again", men have become offended, verbally nasty and then I BLOCK!


Why so condescending in your rejection? It's not surprising that men became offended. Instead of saying all that, you could simply say, "Sorry, I didn't feel we were a match. Good luck."
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 220
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 7:56:26 PM

Why so condescending in your rejection? It's not surprising that men became offended. Instead of saying all that, you could simply say, "Sorry, I didn't feel we were a match. Good luck."


Personally, I feel that your suggestion might make them feel that there is something wrong with them and they would want to know what it was. Like what didn't match? I'm not comfortable with that response and I don't think that mine is condescending at all. Several men have thanked me for my honesty and understood that I just was not feeling the chemistry that I would like to. Those are the class acts that did not react negatively but there will always be those who just can't handle rejection at all.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 221
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 10:32:43 PM

I'm not sure if this has been stated before in here, I get dizzy if I read too much, col ~


... I am of the opinion that no men nor womans messages should be excluded from anyones inbox due to race, color, religion or nationality. By " filtering " out these essential human aspects & rights , we set ourselves up for the trip ~

... back into a past of racist & prejudiced darkness ...

heart / sun
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 10/31/2015
Msg: 222
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/9/2019 10:37:07 PM

Personally, I feel that your suggestion might make them feel that there is something wrong with them and they would want to know what it was. Like what didn't match? I'm not comfortable with that response and I don't think that mine is condescending at all.

I have sent a reply back after the "Sorry, just don't feel we are a match..." message that stated exactly, "Might I ask why?"

Now, I realize plenty of women don't want to go into details, and "No." is a perfectly good answer to that question - but a couple of times, I got a genuine tirade for a reply. You would think I just insulted their children or something by the reaction I got. Totally over-the-top. More angry texts in three minutes than I ever got in three weeks of message exchanging prior to that.

People are going to read into the subtext of every word published in this site and every word written in any message you have ever sent. It doesn't HAVE to be read and accepted correctly - because people still don't HAVE to be decent (or patient) with strangers online. Learning to have a thicker skin when it comes to what goes on in here is pretty much a requirement, but unless a woman agrees with me - there are plenty of ladies out there that still make this issue a 'guy' thing --- because I am writing it. Doesn't matter that it happens to everyone. People don't have to respect ME at all. We can still be as ignorant, impatient, or demanding as we want sitting on our padded thrones in from of a glowing screen in the comfort of our own spaces.

Is it better to not to jump to such conclusions? Hell, yes - but the issue is control -- and it is simply something we do NOT have, no matter how experienced or brilliant or clever we think we may be.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 223
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/10/2019 8:26:27 AM

I have sent a reply back after the "Sorry, just don't feel we are a match..." message that stated exactly, "Might I ask why?"

Exactly. My response indicates that I just don't feel any chemistry without actually saying it.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 224
Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/10/2019 8:39:10 AM

Personally, I feel that your suggestion might make them feel that there is something wrong with them and they would want to know what it was. Like what didn't match? I'm not comfortable with that response and I don't think that mine is condescending at all. Several men have thanked me for my honesty and understood that I just was not feeling the chemistry that I would like to. Those are the class acts that did not react negatively but there will always be those who just can't handle rejection at all.


If you're not feeling the chemistry, there's nothing wrong with saying "I'm sorry, but I wasn't feeling the chemistry." I think that's a more polite way of putting it, because the "I'm sorry" softens the blow a bit.

But I do agree with you that some people can't handle rejection at all, and will be nasty no matter what you say. That's why I stopped replying to those I wasn't interested in. No reply rarely leads to a block. Blocks are bad, because too many, and a man's account can get deleted.
 SurelyIamShirley
Joined: 7/22/2016
Msg: 225
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Women Don't Know What They Want
Posted: 2/10/2019 9:19:55 AM
I should have said that my preferred response is to those I have met and it goes without saying that the response would begin with "I'm sorry", but good point. To those I have not met, no response is my response. If we have mutually communicated I would carefully word my lack of interest based on what we have learned about each other.
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