Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Female Led Relationships      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 51
view profile
History
Female Led RelationshipsPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

I want someone who says what he wants. I think that's something that bugged me so much about the last guy I dated. He just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do and I had to initiate everything.


Both people in a relationship should communicate effectively. I don’t think a man would like it either if a woman never initiated anything.
 feirene
Joined: 1/3/2017
Msg: 52
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/24/2019 5:48:21 PM
I'm in an FLR now, it's great.
Not gonna go on about our sex life apart from anything i suggest goes. I love how we talk a lot and he actually listens and acts on stuff i say coz he wants to please me. And i love our dynamic, it seems pretty perfect now. Initially there wasn't a lot of trust from my side but now he's a lot more open coz he trusts me and understands me.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 53
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/25/2019 7:45:27 PM

^^^^^ I do not think that is true at all. There are many different types of women. Some want to lead, some want to follow, some want to stand side by side, and others don't want to stand anywhere near anyone else. It is a wide world out there.

I think it is true, when going by the stronger trends. They're by far not all equal, although the "level" of the guy and gal in calling the shots & dependency have been equalizing over time. That said, if you use "who pays" on all the dates before becoming official BF/GF (or even during that) as a litmus test -- there's still a long way to go before thinking you'll run into gals who want to take charge and find a passive guy to be the follower, nearly as much as any others.

I want someone who says what he wants. I think that's something that bugged me so much about the last guy I dated. He just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do and I had to initiate everything.

That's him not caring ("whatever, doesn't matter"). Guys run into that with girls moreso, but yes, "meh" guys can be that way, and both guy & gal ideally shouldn't be like that.

I think what's referred to is much stronger than "I want a girl To Be Able To pick out a spot where she wants to hang out." Sure, a guy should not Rely on that in the dating field, even though just that level happens enough. A guy can easily find a comfort zone being Mr Meh by just suggesting a couple random places, and if she's I-Dont-Care, he just randomly picks one. Some couples are Mutual Mehs.

I think what OP and some others refer to is the flip side of an established Leader/Boss. We can find that among some couples once in a while -- where the gal is the bossy one, and the guy is the Yes Man (or Yes Ma'am). But guys striving For that are going to have a difficult time finding it out of random selection in the dating pool. And IMO, no guy, nor any gal should sit there too Reliant on the other "leading" everything.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 54
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/26/2019 9:43:12 AM
I see a lot of guys who are married tend to be in these relationships where the wife is the one in charge and the man has to go along with her. I see it a lot and I never wanted to end up like that. Thankfully I didnt end up with a woman like that and im not a man who would just go along with what my GF or wife wanted. Men should lead in a relationship. That doesnt mean make every decision and dictate everything, it just means to lead. If you dont like a suggestion by your partner say so, dont just agree and go along.

Some women might like to be teh boss, but they dont really respect men who let them have the lead and take charge.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 55
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 5:18:04 AM
I see it happening more when couples have kids or when a woman gets pregnant. Then the woman starts bossing the guy around. My brother and his wife are like that, they have 5 kids, and sometimes I think he's gonna snap on her but he's so patient.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 56
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 7:32:28 AM
I don't know why anyone has to lead the relationship.
Why wouldn't all decisions (except personal ones) be made
together? I wouldn't want anyone telling me where I could go
or what I could do, but I certainly wouldn't do anything like that
without saying what I was doing. I wouldn't expect permission,
and conversely, I wouldn't expect to be giving anyone else permission
either.

Big things like buying houses and planning trips together should be
mutually agreed upon...I wouldn't expect one or the other in the relationship
would make the final decision on their own.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 9:38:36 AM
there is the old joke, when any mother counts her children, she should add her husband to the tally :) and honestly, some men make that joke come true. there's a country song, "dad made the dollars, but mom made the sense" that's true too often.

why do decisions not get made together? i suspect its the decisions that affect one member of the living arrangment than the other. if i'd rather spend my time in the garage and order out for dinner, i might run afoul of a person living with me who wishes to spend the time in the kitchen, out in their horse stable, etc. but, then the question becomes, who's making the most money that will go towards the purchase? last sunday at an indoor flea market, i was listening to a male lament his new gf wants him to sell his house so they can buy a place together. Perhaps she wants to make it "their own". perhaps she knows from prior experience if her name isn't on the paper, she can be thrown out. maybe its some other reason. but obviously there were plenty of men who thought, "screw that, its my house, why am i selling it in a down market?"
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 58
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 12:27:56 PM
ITT a lot of people who don't actually understand what a Female Led Relationship is.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 1:36:30 PM
^^^I know what it is, and I know it works when the female is the
stronger of the two and the man doesn't mind. Mostly I was addressing
people who think men need to make the decisions or have the final say.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 60
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/27/2019 4:10:52 PM
Some men follow for one reason.

They hate being nagged at.

Some wives firmly believe they're right. It isn't worth arguing with a woman that believes that. So, he shuts his mouth and waits for the divorce to come. It usually does.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 61
view profile
History
*le sigh*
Posted: 2/28/2019 3:29:19 AM
^^^
Case in point.

Boo, I have no doubt that you understand the original topic. You have never struck me as obtuse let alone willfully obtuse. In fact I find you quite delightful.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 1/17/2018
Msg: 62
view profile
History
*le sigh*
Posted: 2/28/2019 8:19:25 AM
^^^Thank you Ms. Spot!
I find you equally delightful!


In order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread.
Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread....unless you want to.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 63
view profile
History
*le sigh*
Posted: 2/28/2019 8:36:47 AM
^^^ I find you quite delightful as well boo ! & ps ? Especially so with your glasses on, you hot wittle platipie you !

... heart / boo / sun ...
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 64
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 2/28/2019 10:26:03 AM
from what i've read online, a FLR is one that focuses on the pleasures/wants/needs of the woman being met, predominently

if that simple requirement is true, then purple's observation and conclusion isn't wrong. oh, it happens at the end of the relationship, not the beginning, but there are cases of henpecked or p-whipped partners that prove his point. and of course there are suitors chasing women out of their league, who focus on her pleasures in order to get a pleasure of their own, eventually. and not to sound mercenary, but if a couple co-habits long enough, a lady's economic issues also becomes something she may just like the man to handle. i mean, seriously, how many stay-at-home wives are really doing it ONLY for the sake of the kids? :) who doesn't want to get out of the corporate rat-race for a decade or two?
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 65
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/1/2019 1:04:23 AM

i mean, seriously, how many stay-at-home wives are really doing it ONLY for the sake of the kids? :) who doesn't want to get out of the corporate rat-race for a decade or two?

Err, staying home with kids IS a real job. The corporate rat race is an excuse for some rest!
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 66
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/1/2019 8:42:42 AM

Some women might like to be teh boss, but they dont really respect men who let them have the lead and take charge.


So a woman who leads in a relationship won’t respect the man? Following that logic shouldn’t it mean that when the man takes charge he won’t respect the woman either?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/1/2019 10:57:42 AM
I got to be a stay-at-home mom each time I went on mat leave for a year and yes it is a vacation compared to working fulltime and doing all the housework/cooking. It was so wonderful to actually get to be with my kids and not say "we can't cause mommy has to work" all the time. So great to have time for things and time for my kids. Sure, sometimes the kids make you crazy when you don't get a break but it sure beats working fulltime outside the home and trying to raise kids/take care of a house at the same time.
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/1/2019 1:17:38 PM
"err, staying home with kids IS a real job"

>>>its not easy being a housewife, but having some for friends, i can tell you...when the kids are in school, mom has some free time if she organizes it correctly. it is a nice escape from both the rat race, and office politics.
 dondea
Joined: 12/10/2007
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/5/2019 6:39:17 AM
If a female wants to lead in the relationship and her man allows it, why not? To each their own.

It wouldn't work for me as I'm way too dominant and have a controlling personality. I've been working on the being in control all the time issue all my life, lol.
 am70sguy
Joined: 6/11/2005
Msg: 70
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 12:59:12 AM
I prefer to manage the household stuff, but suck at the entertainment stuff so always nice to have somebody that's good in that area to complement the relationship.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 71
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 1:54:14 AM

They hate being nagged at.

I agree that's a reason why you'll see more guys in an LTR+ where the gal "leads" the way. IMO, how it gets there in the first place usually is when the guy is in chasing-mode about her, he 'gets' her, hence we're naturally more open/willing outside standard-ops. The tone is set that things are going to roll in her way, in her comfort-zone moreso than your average Jane -- and he's fine with that. Then things settle in, honeymoon period wears off, but if they're otherwise compatible, he rolls with it and nagging/fighting isn't worth it. I don't think it necessarily leads to divorce/break-up though - lol. However, if a gal is the bossy type and he isn't compatible with said type, I can see it being a good underlying reason why they break up.

So a woman who leads in a relationship won’t respect the man? Following that logic shouldn’t it mean that when the man takes charge he won’t respect the woman either?

I think from one's POV, since it's more "aloof" in society that the gal would stick out as leading a relationship -- it means it's not going to be the same, the other way around. One's more socially natural, the other one isn't. That's the argument for "look out for the gal who wants to be the leader of you". :)

That said though, IMO, a guy who can only really operate as The leader of a gal he's with (not mutual; certainly not one-sided on her part), would respect a gal at least in some way less that a guy who doesn't. I think the social norm nowadays is the guy leads the dance & initiates things in the beginning, and does that sort of stuff when things are up-in-the-air -- but otherwise, when settled into a relationship, they roll mutually in a partnership. Even if the gal motions to him to make final calls on a lot of stuff (usually things that doesn't hit home with her).
 Kokanee_Ice
Joined: 2/16/2019
Msg: 72
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 8:24:25 AM
^^^ I disagree that men are usually the ones who initiate things. A woman has to give a man signs and hints that she’s interested in him in order that he knows that it’s alright to approach her. Women are the one’s who usually make the first move. Female leadership is not unnatural. Most anthropologists believe much of the human society was matriarchal before the domestication of cattle took place. Matriarchal societies still do exist, but they are the minority now.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 10:09:42 AM
I think only some women make the first move but lots of women who are interested won't. It completely depends on your personality type and on your experience with men. There are a lot of women who like guys but won't send out signals for fear of rejection. Its the same as men.

Women tend to nag/boss for one of 3 reasons:

1) they have control issues
2) the man is too passive or won't take initiative
3) the man's lack of communication drives the woman crazy with anxiety
4) the man does not help out enough with household tasks
5) the woman is unhappy with herself
 BaldwinMotionPhaseIII
Joined: 10/15/2018
Msg: 74
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 10:19:41 AM
a small percentage of females will make an overt first move (and God bless 'em) but others who act on their impulses, will subconsiously express an interest or just act interested. it may be so subtle a guy doesn't notice it, or he asks, "is she...i'm not sure...but i think". i agree with the list of reasons a woman nags or bosses. of course, she may be driven once in a while to nag the man to go see the doctor about a strange bump, but if she regularly has to push her man...why did she ever find him attractive enough to be more than a FB?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Female Led Relationships
Posted: 3/6/2019 11:57:22 AM
Some men quit trying though once they get married. A woman marries a guy or moves in with him because he does do things which makes her happy but then he stops. I think nagging could be either the man's or the woman's fault based on the situation. Nagging (when its not due to control/anxiety issues) happens because a woman is frustrated and does not know how to get better results.

I used to be a nag and I came by it over time. I was tired of doing 98% of the housework and 98% of the childcare. The only time I could get my ex to lift a finger was by nagging. I annoyed myself by doing it. I had no desire to become like my mother but now I understand why she did about certain things. She used to nag my dad to quit drinking and partying. Nagging is just a result of one person not doing something for someone else. Sometimes there is unreasonable nagging but other times I thinks its warranted if not completely useful. My mom used to constantly nag and nitpick with us kids and I am not that way at all with my kids. I tend to use other more useful means to get them to behave how they should and do what they should. But I couldn't apply those same principles to my relationship because ultimately, he did not care about my needs and feelings. And that's what it comes down to. If both people are making the effort to please each other and share in the workload, there is no reason to nag.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Female Led Relationships