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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Do you tell the person your not interested or ghost after a good date?      Home login  
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 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 26
Do you tell the person your not interested or ghost after a good date?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I wouldn't write off a man just because there wasn't an immediate connection on first date. I have been in relationships when there wasn't a connection until the second or third date. If I wasn't interested in seeing them again, most of the time I would politely tell them that. I would only ghost someone when a man was being a complete jerk.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 27
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Do you tell the person your not interested or ghost after a good date?
Posted: 5/29/2018 8:16:58 PM
I've gone on subsequent dates after the first one, but if it was just one date, I certainly wouldn't ghost a guy. He deserves a response. He probably spent a few dollars of his hard-earned money on me, which is always appreciated, whether it works out or not.
 mahwahgirl339114
Joined: 10/31/2017
Msg: 28
Do you tell the person your not interested or ghost after a good date?
Posted: 5/29/2018 9:34:10 PM

So many first meets result in the two people not seeing each other again, it doesn't seem necessary to say you're not interested. In fact, it seems rude to say so because there's the implication the other person couldn't figure out there's no interest. Often the lack of interest is mutual, so it's needless. Can think of two women (one from POF, one from Bumble) who sent a message within 24 hours saying there's no spark. I hadn't done anything to let her think I would contact her again, for example I didn't try to kiss her. It's not ghosting if neither person seems interested. The common lines about having a nice time or that you made it home safely do not imply any interest.

I totally agree with all of above. A first meet is not a "date" and no contact afterward is not ghosting. Just be glad somebody did find you interesting enough to meet up with, a lot of guys online don't even go that far.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 29
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Do you tell the person your not interested or ghost after a good date?
Posted: 5/30/2018 7:40:31 PM
When there is clear mutual disinterest, it is unnecessary to say anything after a date. When the interest is one sided, then I think it's good manners for the uninterested person to be honest with tact to the other person. This is true in particular when both people express initial interest in going out on another date and one person later changes his/her mind for whatever reason.

Some women have texted me after a date saying "I had a great time", "we should go out again", "you are a sweetheart", "this was the best first date I had in many years" etc. Yet I tried to set up plans for another date with them, sometimes they never responded.

I also agree with lack of instant chemistry on the first date / meeting not necessarily being a dealbreaker and not asking a woman out on another date while on a current date.


A first meet is not a "date"


In my viewpoint, it's about intent. I consider the first meeting with a person from OLD to be a date because the purpose is determining any potential romantic interest. It's just often a casual date.
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 30
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 5/31/2018 2:14:53 PM
Gee, Blond Angel --

With your hair curled, you bear a striking resemblance to Nellie Olsen. LOL.


As for me, I pretty much agree with Meramac in Message 10.

a. Its NOT Ghosting after only 1 meet.
b. Usually is mutual and obvious when there is no spark.

But much of the time, -- if the guys are ok with this -- I will keep many of the First Meet guys around as Just Friends. You never know when you will get a good invite from one of them, need a friend. Or they might introduce you to someone who you do have chemistry with. This works both ways, as I am a good friend, invite and introduce, too.
 mikeparkin2
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 31
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/1/2018 7:12:57 PM
I usually let people down gently.
The last one I let down I just said I thought she was very attractive but didn't feel a connection.

I actually let one down that I shouldn't have.
She lived in central Manchester about 130 miles from where I live.
I was happy to move to Manchester but not the city centre so I told her that.
Have deeply regretted it since as she was amazing.
She disappeared off pof after that date.
 Coral_Pearl
Joined: 1/3/2018
Msg: 32
not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/1/2018 8:27:35 PM
I haven't ghosted myself, but I have been ghosted several times. It sucks. I wish it was easier for people to say hey... I appreciated you taking time to meet, but I just didn't feel like we had that spark. Good luck in your search. That's what I said, and it's not that bloody hard.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 33
not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/1/2018 9:20:12 PM

As for me, I pretty much agree with Meramac in Message 10.

a. Its NOT Ghosting after only 1 meet.
b. Usually is mutual and obvious when there is no spark.


It may have been just 1 date. But sometimes it can still be ghosting. I remember some men calling me after a first date and leaving a message asking me out on a second date. I would call them back and leave a message with a couple of days when I would be able to go out with them. Then they never called me again. I get that they probably have had of a change of heart. But at least kindly let me know instead leaving me hanging.

Also I have gone on second dates when there wasn't an immediate connection. Like I said earlier, I have been in relationships when there wasn't a connection until the second or third date.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 34
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/2/2018 8:27:42 AM

Also I have gone on second dates when there wasn't an immediate connection. Like I said earlier, I have been in relationships when there wasn't a connection until the second or third date.


Most of the time there isn't going to be instant chemistry on a first date / meeting. Often because 2 people are virtual strangers or 1 person can be somewhat nervous or shy at first. Unless there were obvious dealbreakers, I would consider going out on another date. Chemistry can (not always) develop over time when 2 people get to know each other a little bit. However it does seem like many people do expect instant chemistry or they quickly lose interest.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 35
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/2/2018 11:04:35 AM
^^^ are you south_city? If so, welcome back! I missed your posts and wondered why you'd get banned - of all people.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 36
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/2/2018 1:10:59 PM

are you south_city? If so, welcome back! I missed your posts and wondered why you'd get banned - of all people.


Yes I am. I wasn't banned. I just took a break from the POF forums. It's good to know that at least 1 person here likes my posts.
 blackbeauty744
Joined: 12/1/2015
Msg: 37
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/3/2018 8:18:09 AM
^^ Welcome back! I was wondering where you went :-)
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 38
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/3/2018 1:37:47 PM
^^^^^ Thanks.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 39
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not a ghost of a chance--i'm just not in the spirit.
Posted: 6/3/2018 3:04:08 PM
I’ve always liked your grounded posts.
Not prone to histrionics or fantasy.
‘south_city’ keeping it real :)

I hadn’t noticed you’d gone to be honest but I’ve been having mini breaks myself.
Welcome back.
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