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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?      Home login  
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 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 26
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
" It tells me has no self respect whatsoever and that in itself is a turn off as if I hadn't been turned off enough."

>>>I don't remember the original story about him, but if you looked at how he treated his own self, his own needs...it sounded like he didn't have much respect for himself. And we can pass judgement on abuse of alcohol, etc.

"taking bets on how long before..."

>>>it'd take a long while, he has to come back at her on a much different level, and re-program that no self respect he's already taught her about himself. Besides, judging from her photos, she has other choices in men. If she didn't, then it wouldn't take as long, according to other women who have been with "men" like this.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 27
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 1:38:18 AM

I imagine a restraining order has some bearing on one's permanent record and for that reason I wouldn't like to pull one on someone who I once loved and who was never violent or crazy in our relationship. He's obviously losing it a little bit now but I want this to end without having to call authorities on him.


This "loosing it" could result in more serious consequences for you, and he won't have as many second-thoughts about it like you have second-guesses about your own rights, well-being, and safety.

It might help you to speak to somebody familiar with the law and check your options. I would take his disregard of your boundaries and lack of consent very seriously, IMHO.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 28
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 4:47:30 AM
He hasn't tried anything since that day but that was only a few days ago so I don't know if he'll keep his word and stop. It sucks living like this not knowing what is coming day to day. He has no way of contacting me except if he literally stalks me somewhere which would be so disrespectful and scary. Hopefully he has given up.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 31
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 7:43:40 AM
Get another man to intervene on your behalf and tell the guy to back off, or he'll have him to deal with. Do you have a male friend or family member who could warn him off?
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 32
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 9:12:37 AM

Get another man to intervene on your behalf and tell the guy to back off, or he'll have him to deal with. Do you have a male friend or family member who could warn him off?


My father but he's on a trip at the moment. Either way I wouldn't want to tell him because knowing him he might make things worse since he never liked him to begin with. Before he left I told them I broke up with him and that he isn't taking it well but I didn't mention the harassment.
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 33
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 9:50:51 AM
Showing up at your job is cause for concern. Its only a matter of time before he shows up at your house or starts following you. Keep a log of the calls and emails/texts he sends. Do not message him back at all. You will need some proof of harrasment to get a restraining order. If you message him back and forth, it looks like youre ok with the contact.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 34
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 9:58:45 AM
Do the messages he sent my friend count? He stopped messaging me because I blocked him on Facebook and eventually blocked his number on my phone but he was literally online 24/7 for a while trying to get through to my friend and writing long rants where he basically just repeated himself and asked her to tell me this and that.
 ChorusAurora
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 35
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 11:03:25 AM
If you really do want to stop all this drama, DO NOT ENGAGE with this man. Even the craziest among us eventually get tired of getting no response~
If he tries to ENGAGE with your friends, etc. tell them to NOT ENGAGE as well---and document any rants, etc. he might send, so you have proof of harassment if police and courts need to be involved.

Good Luck, OP<<<
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 36
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 2:20:26 PM

I don't remember the original story about him, but if you looked at how he treated his own self, his own needs...it sounded like he didn't have much respect for himself. And we can pass judgement on abuse of alcohol, etc


You're right he didn't. He had depression in the past that he didn't tell me about until much later in the relationship which is something I didn't take lightly. He always thought he didn't deserve me and that it was a miracle that I went for him. And yes he drank quite often to forget and because he wanted a "memory wipe". I can only imagine his drinking now.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 37
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 3:40:37 PM

Taking bets on how long before she takes him back!


Nah, I doubt that will happen. He is now the weak, vulnerable, blubbering fool, and women generally fall out of love with this guy and never go back.

However, if he had walked the f*ck away with no theatrics after the initial breakup, how much you want to bet she would have eventually contacted HIM? Women hate an anti-climactic breakup.

Back in 2010, I was with a woman for about a year, and she decided she couldn't envision us having anything in common 5 years from then. She did this on my birthday weekend. When she said this, I grabbed my keys off of her kitchen counter, said "ok, bye", and walked toward the door.

Before I opened it to exit, she yelled from her living room "THAT'S IT?!?!" I responded "yes".

I arrived home about 30-40 minutes later and had an email from her. It was a long-winded "you must not have ever cared about our relationship if you could have walked out that easily" rant.

She was right.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 38
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/5/2018 5:20:43 PM
Yeah thats true. Had he just said Bye shed think about it for sure. but he let her have the upper hand.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 39
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 12:50:58 AM
I think he needs the restraining order against you. From past events, it sounds like you've been mind fvcking him. So what, he's still interested? Many relationships end with one person still being interested. Do everyone a favor, and leave the man alone, then he'll stop thinking you're coming back again.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 40
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 2:12:00 AM
^^^

Did you even bother to read any of her posts hear? Are you basing you're comment on her previous thread?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 41
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 2:21:42 AM
Yes, I read everything, and yes, I'm basing it on her previous thread. While the guy sounds like a mess, it doesn't negate she was sending him mixed messages. He probably thinks she'll come back to sit and drink with him, while sitting on the couch, like she has before. I think this is much ado about nothing.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 42
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 2:48:27 AM
^^^^ Mixed signals? I broke up with him in March because the relationship started going down hill. After he begged me for another chance I reluctantly took him back hoping something would change since he made a lot of promises. The changes were minuscule and only lasted for about a week and then it was basically the same old thing. I knew I had messed up by taking him back and my feelings for him had also died throughout that whole time so I ended it again and have told him multiple times I want nothing to do with him. I'm happier now than I was with him and won't settle for that. I really don't care if you don't believe me, there are other people who are with me and know what's going on.

But hey, it sounds like you've taken a liking to him. Would you like his contact info? I think you'd be a good match he's also bitter as hell.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 43
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 3:10:44 AM
I'm not saying you shouldn't have broke up with him, or that he's a great catch, but many a time when someone is with an alcoholic, they're an enabler or a drinker themselves. Plus, I don't think he's been acting so out of line, and it sounds like a repeat of what happened with the last breakup. You can't blame a guy for trying. If you continue to let him be, he'll probably forget you as he remains in his alcoholic haze. I don't think he's worthy of a restraining order. There is no criteria for serving him, as he's not communicating with you, but with your gf.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 44
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 3:45:47 AM

Would you like his contact info? I think you'd be a good match he's also bitter as hell.

Fuck that's funny. ThatOneLady you've stated without a doubt that you've done all the right things to indicate to him that he is no longer a part of your life and he can't see it. Hopefully he finally leaves you alone though there is one problem I see. His depression and the fact he feeds it with alcohol. To me that's a mental problem and can lead to irrational thinking.
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 45
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 9:04:41 AM
I don't know Canadian laws. Make a report to your local police station that he went to your workplace. So far that is his only real transgression. The rest is all drama, egomania, self absorbed bull shit. Dump the friend that is entertaining him too. You are both leading him on like a donkey with a carrot, only it's your vagina.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 46
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 5:59:09 PM
^^^^ You would think that but that's not the case actually. We had sex only a handful of times in the 18 months we were together. Another reason I wanted out, I'm not going to live a sexless life especially if I'm in a relationship.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 47
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/7/2018 6:49:07 PM

Would you like his contact info? I think you'd be a good match he's also bitter as hell.


<< stands up and applauds!!

SO...has he given up...or is he still trying to contact you or your friend?
 PennyAnte
Joined: 4/17/2016
Msg: 48
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/8/2018 6:49:28 AM
"^^^^ You would think that but that's not the case actually. We had sex only a handful of times"

It doesn't matter how many times you had sex. He is still obsessive and harassing you. You are still allowing contact through your friend.
He is still hopefull. He is getting attention, negative attention, but it is still your attention.

Make a report to your locals and have them contact him as a warning just in case this situation esculates. You need to start creating a paper trail, and documenting his contacts, antics, attempts to get your attention.

By our laws he has done nothing that would require a restraining order. You did not live with him, have children with him or have any domestic violence incidents. He is just a nuisance to you.

I think you know exactly what to do, but you are relishing a bit in this drama. Take a good look at him and a better look at yourself and you will realize you are creating a much bigger problem than exists.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 49
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/8/2018 7:22:06 AM

many a time when someone is with an alcoholic, they're an enabler or a drinker themselves

That is not really true. Alcoholics can lie quite a lot and sneak around and drink behind your back.
My ex was/is an alcoholic. I had no idea how bad it was till the last year of our relationship and we had been together for 6 years. Didn't live together though. He would sneak around behind my back and when he was at his place and drink in excess.
By excess I mean like 20ish standard drinks a day. Broke up with him when I found out for a few months he had been stealing money from my paypal (attached to my bank account) to buy alcohol. That was like 4 yrs ago now.
He still has trouble woth drinking and sometimes tries to quit. Thought he had quit recently till me and my boyfriend saw him at the shops picking up 2 bottles of vodka lmao he practically ran away out of embarassment cos he was caught in another lie.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 50
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/8/2018 7:22:19 AM
"we had sex only a few times"

>>>if I remember correctly, he was an older man and an alcoholic? you may represent in his mind, a sex partner he rarely can access. Even if his body can't perform the act, he still may think about how difficult it is to replace the partner, and everything she represents--a woman he normally can't have, so if he can have her, he must be better than what people tell him he is--becomes an obsession. Like losing a job that has status and suggests the person doing it has worth, someone may go to great lengths not to lose that job.

but that's a guess at where his mind is at.
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