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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?      Home login  
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 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 76
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
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"I'm asking you not to contact her anymore, this is what's best for her and you so please respect that even though it's difficult. I won't be passing any more messages to her". He replied with "Ok I understand, just want to hear from her when she is ready. I'm here for her always."


It still seems he is expecting you to come back because he's waiting for your call. Will he realise now there is no contact,that it is truly over or will he keep waiting.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 77
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:20:16 PM

It still seems he is expecting you to come back because he's waiting for your call. Will he realise now there is no contact,that it is truly over or will he keep waiting.


Just got a call from another one of my friends telling me had messaged her on Monday. I guess because the other one blocked him. This is really too much and it's annoying me. I don't know how to put a stop to it because he's not contacting me directly and I don't want to unblock him or anything to tell him to stop.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 78
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/13/2018 6:25:50 PM
some people will have to exhaust all possibilities before they call it quits. Ironically, persistence is something we sometimes find attractive in someone :) I suppose you could get ahead of him, figure out who he'll contact next, and if you feel like sharing your personal business, get them up to speed so as soon as he contacts, they'll have a message for him the two of you already prepared. You know him better than we do, if you think he's trying to sneak around with all this, then the message could be, "everyone knows what you're doing, its not leading to respect for you, but it may get a restraining order. No one wants to hear from you."

the message depends on what you know is a hot button issue he likes to avoid. Like animals who taste terrible to predators :)
 beercookies
Joined: 5/24/2012
Msg: 79
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 8:05:40 AM
It’s really about you cleaning up your own issues so these scenarios are in your rear view mirror, never to be revisited.

I get that you're immature, and afraid to be alone. Who amongst us wasn't confused about love in our 20s. However, you're a substance abuser and prematurely aging yourself and creating problems now and in the past and setting yourself up for hitting a wall later in middle age which is 35 online, when you will have way fewer options. Hopefully you won’t still be self medicating with alcohol or god knows what by then.

Time is on your side now, but you are squandering it with people you don't care about just to fill a void and your low self esteem prevents you from finding appropriate, healthy relationships. I hope you figure out how to avoid the wrong people like drunks your dad’s age and work on doing things that make you feel accomplished in a greater purpose.

There is such a thing as being too open minded ( low hanging fruit). Maybe it feels safer and you feel you have all the time in the world. You don't. Your choices do add up over time in an awful way when you hit middle age. That is a stressful time of reevaluation.

Make sure those are the choices that truly matter to you. In retrospect, I would have dumped people way sooner, not given the benefit of the doubt. Once you meet someone who truly cares, vs just flatters your ego, it’s notable.

I’d been doing it wrong up to that point. Maybe we do that to self protect- avoid real involvements, and allow ego massagers in. Take ego out of it. Evaluate the relationship on it’s own terms- do they see you truly, or are you a life raft to save them from themselves, do they respect your opinion and hear your pov, or are you just part of their addiction or compulsion, an escape, etc..

The 20s are an anxious time. It’s hard to be alone. In retrospect, it might be less damaging to be alone than in a string of crazy drama or dumb shit.
 Ladyinred0407
Joined: 2/6/2016
Msg: 80
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 12:47:10 PM
IGNORE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
I'm sorry I had to shout at you, but it's so simple. IF he shows up at your work, call the police.
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 81
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 1:52:55 PM

I get that you're immature, and afraid to be alone. Who amongst us wasn't confused about love in our 20s. However, you're a substance abuser and prematurely aging yourself and creating problems now and in the past and setting yourself up for hitting a wall later in middle age which is 35 online, when you will have way fewer options. Hopefully you won’t still be self medicating with alcohol or god knows what by then.

Time is on your side now, but you are squandering it with people you don't care about just to fill a void and your low self esteem prevents you from finding appropriate, healthy relationships. I hope you figure out how to avoid the wrong people like drunks your dad’s age and work on doing things that make you feel accomplished in a greater purpose.



I'm not "afraid" to be alone I just don't prefer it. I'm not a substance abuser at all, not sure why you think that? I drink in moderation and it's really not often. I care about John but I'm afraid of my own feelings for him. I agree with you about avoiding the wrong people but he has become almost like an addiction at this point. I eventually have to find the strength to stop seeing him.



IGNORE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!,
I'm sorry I had to shout at you, but it's so simple. IF he shows up at your work, call the police.


It's okay. That's what I'm doing. I haven't spoken to him in over a month which was the last time I told him to leave me alone.
 _Rise_Above_This_
Joined: 1/14/2018
Msg: 82
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 2:10:34 PM
John? Your addicted to an alcoholic? How did you manage that?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 83
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 2:38:07 PM
OMG! I am having flashbacks of Natalie.

Obviously Natalie 2.0 just want to wallow in the drama.

Have at all the drama you want OP!
 ThatOneLady01
Joined: 3/14/2018
Msg: 84
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/16/2018 4:22:13 PM

John? Your addicted to an alcoholic? How did you manage that?


I honestly don't know. I don't even have the answer for myself. I just ended up liking him more than I thought I would.
 sussex11
Joined: 12/24/2017
Msg: 85
Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/20/2018 9:57:24 AM
Ex won't leave me alone....restraining order?

Never go anywhere alone, have someone stay with you. Record every call, text or message...go to police if he shows up at your work. Let the whole world know that he is stalking you. Tell your extended family also. Let him know that you have someone else in your life, and that there is no chance of you guys working thru anything. Get an alarm, more lights etc. He sounds dangerous!!! Don't take things lightly. You should borrow a dog also. I'm a single lady living alone, I do all kinds of things to stay safe.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 86
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/21/2018 8:20:41 AM
If you aren't worried he's going to harm you, write him a letter basically telling him your feelings and why you don't love him and will never get back together with him. Be blunt and outline that you think he's acting crazy and all his actions lately have proven to you that you never ever want to be with him again. Then he'll have tangible proof and maybe he can move on. Some people just don't see things clearly until its spelled out for them and written down for them to digest.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 87
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/21/2018 10:45:09 AM
^^^based on my previous knowledge of stalkerish behaviour (if that’s what this is) talking, explaining, giving clear signals is of no consequence. This behaviour isn’t acting/thinking with logic.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 88
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/21/2018 10:48:40 AM
Not that I think it will go that far, it's over a while now, but when you break up with a guy, it's said to be the most dangerous time for a woman to be harmed/killed by their partner.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 89
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 6/21/2018 11:58:02 AM

^^^based on my previous knowledge of stalkerish behaviour (if that’s what this is) talking, explaining, giving clear signals is of no consequence. This behaviour isn’t acting/thinking with logic.


- This is correct. Any type of communication will only tend to encourage a stalker. Cutting contact is the best first step.
 mario4302
Joined: 7/23/2016
Msg: 90
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 7/8/2018 3:16:16 AM
He is stalking you. You need to get a restraining order against him. Be careful. He has signs of being very dangerous.
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 91
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Ex won't leave me alone... restraining order?
Posted: 7/9/2018 7:31:23 PM
I had same thing and you hope they give up and get bored of no response but sometimes no they don’t so because at time I was deciding to move somewhere that swung it more in that direction. I wasn’t scared though I just thought he was a serious pest and that he should at least have put that time to good use to reflect on his faults in the relationship that lead me to bail on him. But no as soon as he knew I was done he rang more times than when we’d dated. If you have anxiety it could be because his making you feel trapped prey or you are worried it will escalate .

His not very sensitive to others needs in a relationship or he wouldn’t be without a girlfriend now and to top it just to show what an even greater catch he is is now showing signs of an insensitive persistent pest that can’t give you space or take I’m not interested with good grace and move on.

I’d give this a time limit that is acceptable for you but if he continues you can ask police to warn him off for harassment which is usually enough unless they are really nuts.
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