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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Has #Metoo invaded online dating?      Home login  
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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 151
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

How do so many threads turn into how badly Julystorm messed up

How many threads can she use to say she had a really bad marriage and then blame anything and everything but herself?
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 152
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 7:37:10 AM
^^^They were never married. See post 121.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 153
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 7:52:06 AM
^^I think you have read that wrong....
she has stated they were married numerous times...and blamed feminism on her divorce, etc
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 154
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 9:11:47 AM
I was never married. I refused to get married even though he asked. But in Canada we have common law so if you live together its pretty much the same thing.

Yes, I messed up my life. I made bad decisions based on bad ideas. I can't take any of them back. But what people who haven't been in my position don't realize is how easy it is to mess up your life. Obviously I'm not the only one out there. POF is full of women like me. And we get judged constantly for it. I am facing the consequences of all these poor decisions and really working hard to try and make my life better and the life of my kids better. I guess many people on here would just prefer that women like me give up on the idea of dating and love. After all, there's so many on here who say they are happy being single. I wonder that myself, why do I not want to be alone, why do I feel so lonely a lot of the time? And I know that probably the best I can hope for is to go from shortterm relationship to shortterm relationship because so sane man would want to keep me for long because I'm just a pathetic and lowly struggling single mom of 3 kids. I get it, loud and clear and am looking sadly at a probable couple decades of regular singledome so you fan rest assured I'm not clueless, my head isn't in the clouds.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 155
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 9:15:17 AM
MsMicki. You have no idea how much shame I always feel in my family. I got to be the screwup. I'm dependant on my family for help now, something I never wanted to do and it really really sucks. My mom lets it be known often how much of an inconvenience it is for her.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 156
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 9:29:44 AM
My apologies....you have spoken of so many legal issues related to your split...and other comments
that I wrongly assumed there was a marriage.

as for being a screwup....we have all been there....just don't waller in it!!
one thing to land in a mud puddle....quite another to decide it's a good place to stay.

and girl....I say this with no justification for your mother saying it to you....
but it is an inconvenience....she raised her kids and looked forward to them being gone!!
It is hard moving back in with parents...but it just as hard on them.
Make sure she knows your "plan"...and let her know you know it's not either of yours ideal situation...
and that with her support...you will become an independent woman!
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 157
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 9:34:44 AM
July I think just about everyone in here wants to see u succeed, I hope u can let go of any shame--we r all human, we all started someplace..the shame doesn't serve u or ur children.

I have every confidence in a few years u will have ur own house...& it's ok to fall in love & have a good man in ur life

why wouldn't a good man want to have u?

u need to start playing positive mantras in ur head!
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 158
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 11:10:11 AM

and I do not want to repeat those mistakes.


Except that on another thread, you said that even if you had the chance to do things over again, you would do the same thing.

Because apparently, as you said in yet another thread, you would not want to be 34 and childless.



But what people who haven't been in my position


You mean the position of being 24 and childless and your whole life ahead of you to do whatever you wanted?

I was in that position.



don't realize is how easy it is to mess up your life.


Sure we do.
That's why we don't make the decisions that mess up one's life.
Like have kids with people we don't like.
Or take illegal drugs.
Or drink too much.
Or gamble away the mortgage money.
Or any of the things that people do to mess up their lives.


I wonder that myself, why do I not want to be alone, why do I feel so lonely a lot of the time?


Because of the subconscious psychological effects of your parent's multiple divorces, and the instability and loneliness those divorces caused?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 159
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 8:17:01 PM

...why do I feel so lonely a lot of the time?

Because you either don’t know yourself or don’t like yourself.
Or both.


And I know that probably the best I can hope for is to go from short term relationship to shorter relationship because so [sic] sane man would want to keep me for long because I’m just a pathetic and lowly struggling single mom of 3 kids.

Aaarg! Stop the pity party. It does you no good and it isn’t good for your children either.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 160
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/16/2018 8:26:54 PM

How do so many threads turn into how badly Julystorm messed up?


Damn. I personally enjoy July's posts and writing-style but she does open herself up to criticisms and judgments by being so candid about her past & present situations. It seems like she is lonely and doesn't have many outlets to pour her thoughts through. Even when she is attacked and judged, she doesn't fire back with name-calling & anger (it doesn't read like so anyway). We all have skeletons in our closet that we may not CHOOSE to share with the internet, so that's a reason why I refrain from kicking her when she is down. And you can't say it is "tough love" because she is not your friend or loved one.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 161
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/17/2018 8:27:57 PM
Ok, how about “tough like” then?
Because I enjoy her writing style as well.
She has been candid about her past... my main problem is that she has stated that she is on POF so she can get a short-term boyfriend because she doesn’t deserve anything more.
THAT is my problem with July... she hasn’t learned that having sex with someone you don’t really like is worse than not having sex. She hasn’t figured out that being someone’s part-time FWB is not what she truly wants but doesn’t appear to change her approach from 10 years and 3 kids ago.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 162
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/18/2018 2:41:10 AM
@Siisaa actually she does do it with built up anger as to her passive aggressiveness I can imagine what her relationship was like she kept her opinions to herself until she exploded on the guy. She would also do that with her kids and then blame others it's who she is always someone else's fault she needs to say stuff when it bothers her not wait until an explosion happens. 10 Posts to say something when a calm and respectful would you mind tune it down on your behaviour it bothers me would have sufficed she lashed out with a control attempt as is in line with passive aggressive people take it until you explode and make people victims. I would have really dealt her a blow and abuse but she is having a hard time with the whole admitting thing and dealing with past relationship so I let it go.

Your right though I like the fact she just puts it all out there, although sometimes in makes me cringe it's good to see people trying to express their real selves even if it shows their confused, frustrated, in pain, and mentally damaged admitting actually starts the healing run never does, it just stores it and lets it fester.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 163
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/18/2018 10:27:44 AM
I'm honest on here and but in real life, I do keep some things inside because I don't feel I have anyone in my life I can really talk to anymore. I'm not passive aggressive though. I tend to let things just roll off me and I let them go, I don't get angry at things and my ex used to get so mad at me for it, he always tried to pick fights and I wouldn't bite, it used to make him madder. If you were to ask my ex what I was like he would tell you I was a goody two-shoes and a nagger. I've always cared a lot about what other people feel a bit too much. I don't like upsetting people and the thing with my ex was that he never ever thought about anybody else's feelings ; he always did exactly what he wanted and said what he wanted, no matter how much it upset other people. I was constantly apologizing for his behaviour and I was embarassed about being around him. He had a very narcissistic personality and used to take advantage of people being nice. He used to get people to do things for him a lot and he never return the favors. I used to get mad at him for how he treated other people and how he treated me and how he acted. I really didn't know any other way to try and change his behavior and I guess I shouldn't have even tried but I've always thought that anybody could change to a better person and I believe in people but I guess I had to realize that people only change if they want to change. He is a person who is never accountable for his action. If someone is upset with him, its their problem, not his. The many many times he got fired he always said it was their fault, not his or if he quit it was because he said they were being unreasonable. Zero reflection by him.

I disagree with you who say I am not taking accountability for anything, just complaining. Rest assured, I take much of what is said to heart here and I think about it. Maybe that's not coming across in my posts but its true.

3 things I realize about myself:

1) I take the negative things said more to heart, I should focus on the positive things more, my feelings do get hurt very easily but I keep them hidden

2) I want some sort of real connection with an adult very badly, I miss connections I had in the past and I want to feel that connection badly which leads me to POF. I am really lonely in certain ways, sexually, intellectually and in friendship, and it opens me up to situations with guys I probably shouldn't accept.

3) My life is really chaotic and there's a lot of stress. I need outlets to deal with it.

4) My self-esteem had suffered. My weight has long been a hurdle for me to deal with and the negative feedback I'm gotten from some men has really lowered it. I struggle with being happy about who I am, which includes my physical body with who I want to be, someone with a good body. This is something a lot of people struggle with I think. And there is also a part of me that worries that I'm unlikeable, that no man will want me. Its because I've never experienced getting to be in love and so much of my thoughts involve the udea of love. Maybe its too much historical romance reading and writing. But I really want to find a person I can experience love with and because I haven't found anyone I could love who could love me back, I've never gotten the validation that I need that I'm loveable.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 164
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/18/2018 1:39:32 PM

I want some sort of real connection with an adult very badly --- My life is really chaotic and there's a lot of stress. I need outlets to deal with it. ---

You and 90% of the folks here....
We all have stress....we all need an outlet for it....we all want someone in our lives...
HOW we choose to deal with it is what makes or breaks us.


I've never gotten the validation that I need that I'm loveable

well you're not going to get it from a fling...
and quite frankly....if I needed "proof" I am a lovable...I would be talking to a professional
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 165
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/18/2018 9:11:06 PM

I want some sort of real connection with an adult very badly --- My life is really chaotic and there's a lot of stress. I need outlets to deal with it. ---



I read this and think you're looking to dump your baggage on some poor sap.

Perhaps it's best you get yourself in order before looking for another.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 166
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/19/2018 5:35:28 AM

I haven't found anyone I could love who could love me back


The guy that you lived with and the father of your children proposed to you and you turned him down. He must've had some feelings for you if he was willing to propose. That makes me wonder if you're open to being loved, or have you built a mental cocoon to block out anyone who might get too close to your heart, because it might end in heartache. Maybe that explains why you're open to one night stands with guys you barely know-no chance of heartache. And telling people you wouldn't marry the father of your children because you didn't really like him that much to begin with, won't do anything for your reputation.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 167
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 4:53:38 AM
I wouldn't call what he asked a proposal necessarily. He just brought it up every so often saying "We should get married" or "We need to get married". To him, marriage was just something people did when they were in a ltr. But there was never any romantic proposals. I often wonder why he wanted to be with me. The first few years he was so intense about it but it was more like he was determined to stay together to have kids and have someone look after him, sometimes I feel like I was his mother or something. There was zero emotional intimacy, zero connection, maybe just two people afraid of being alone and desperate not to, even if we were not the right match. It was almost like an arranged marriage, we just chose to stay together and we were determined to force it.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 168
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 9:03:57 AM
Your relationship was predicated on nothing good, so that's why it failed, then no one wanted to stop the moving train and get off either. Many a bad relationship has continued past it's prime. It's not unusual.
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 169
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 9:50:43 AM
3 things I realize about myself:

1) I take the negative things said more to heart, I should focus on the positive things more, my feelings do get hurt very easily but I keep them hidden

2) I want some sort of real connection with an adult very badly, I miss connections I had in the past and I want to feel that connection badly which leads me to POF. I am really lonely in certain ways, sexually, intellectually and in friendship, and it opens me up to situations with guys I probably shouldn't accept.


You should take the negative things and look at how to get rid of them or change them.

Most people want that connection with people, to the point where we accept toxic people and it just makes things worse. I did but in the end i got rid of the person and then met someone amazing.

Sometimes we just want someone that we overlook the bad in people.

You have to red rid of negative things , escpecially people in your life who dont do anything to help make you better. Those that put you down or hold you back from moving forward in life.

Bad habits that make you unhealthy and feel drained. too much sugar, smoking, who knows.

You need to make changes if you want things to change, it wont just magically happen, it takes effort and delay of gratification
 Tech30
Joined: 8/11/2017
Msg: 170
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 10:04:26 AM
Damn. I personally enjoy July's posts and writing-style but she does open herself up to criticisms and judgments by being so candid about her past & present situations. It seems like she is lonely and doesn't have many outlets to pour her thoughts through. Even when she is attacked and judged, she doesn't fire back with name-calling & anger (it doesn't read like so anyway). We all have skeletons in our closet that we may not CHOOSE to share with the internet, so that's a reason why I refrain from kicking her when she is down. And you can't say it is "tough love" because she is not your friend or loved one.

Thats not my point. I like her posts too, but there are now multiple threads that end up about her life story. We can keep it to one cant we?
No one wants to kick her when shes down, but some people need a kick in the ass to start making things better for themselves.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 171
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 10:42:26 AM

I like her posts too, but there are now multiple threads that end up about her life story.


People like to give their attention to trainwrecks. I don't know if you were here when Nataly was actively posting but....same thing. No disrespect meant to July but if you portray your life as messy and dramatic, people tend to gravitate towards it. That's one of the reasons why reality-TV is so popular.
 SomewhereInTheStratosfere
Joined: 4/1/2018
Msg: 172
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 10:54:32 AM

We all have skeletons in our closet that we may not CHOOSE to share with the internet, so that's a reason why I refrain from kicking her when she is down. And you can't say it is "tough love" because she is not your friend or loved one.

Don't like the smell of shit? don't invite it into your life! Don't want people commenting on your private life? don't put it out there! This is a public forum, people are going to give their opinions.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 173
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 11:02:27 AM
Tech, for you, trending, a man being taken down by a woman after he grabbed her butt. So you think he should get up and assault her again, because you view her as assaulting HIM? You said the man is entitled to hit back.

http://www.fox46charlotte.com/news/mobile/georgia-waitress-takes-down-man-who-appears-to-grope-her-epic-video-shows#/
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 174
Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/20/2018 4:02:25 PM
I've had women grab my butt and more in clubs...there's a serious double standard between men and women...and the justice system.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 175
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Has #Metoo invaded online dating?
Posted: 7/21/2018 4:27:49 PM

a man being taken down by a woman after he grabbed her butt. So you think he should get up and assault her again, because you view her as assaulting HIM? You said the man is entitled to hit back.

How about this: If you really see it as assault -- grabbing someone's tush... if a gal grabs a guy's tush in a restaurant, is it OK for him to beat her senseless? :) Of course not.
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