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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > BIB method of dating....      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 76
Just stop. Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Oh, there isn't a cutoff age for bars, but around here at least, the bars are full of 21-30 yr olds who don't have their own home they can get drunk in and avoid DUI. I walk alone into a bar that isn't having a band, and most patrons are like, "who's daughter are you here to pull out, grandpa?" :) In a city, there may be more people over the age of 35 looking to get out of their small apartment, but the last city I was in was a college city, so the bars were full of young kids...and the people my age were coupled up (the city had an entertainment district, so couples came in for events, stayed for dinner, etc). For the most part, a middle aged dude in a bar rather than home on his X box looks like he's cruising for girls half his age...or married and getting away from the wife. I guess I can't speak for the "meat market" bars, there's probably older singles there--but I just heard too many people my age say they "grew out of" the bar scene, and thus i'm not going to find their type there. And as I posted before, i'm really not looking for someone in middle age who's drunk and her consent is a question. But yes, some places have an event going on (band, etc) and serve alcohol and when I've tried approaching...find out they are out on date night. So, I skip the clubs and bars and tend towards day game.

The close-in conversation is a neat trick, but of course, all conversation has to be really short. Can't be very intellectual and detailed, otherwise it goes unheard after the first few words and is just confusing. But it does tell you if a woman is interested in you...b/c unlike the Pig, women who didn't bring me to the loud event DON'T touch me when they talk to me in these scenarios. in fact they'll do what they can to NOT send that signal. They aren't trying to impress me, so anything from them tends to be one word answers or a bob of the head. If a woman ever touched me the way they touched the Pig as he described--I sure would know she was interested :)

Appropo of nothing, I did have a woman drag me to a gay bar one time. She said it was b/c she could dance and not get hit on (at the time she was telling me she was engaged, later would tell me that had been 5 years ago and nothing came of it), but of course I knew it was test to see what I could handle. but I figure that's a bit of advice bachelors know as well.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 77
Just stop.
Posted: 6/19/2018 4:03:05 AM

The close-in conversation is a neat trick,


It's not really a trick per se. It's just a matter of using logic. I also said it was for first dates. Too many people follow old fart cookie cutter advice and wonder why they're failing in the modern world.


but of course, all conversation has to be really short. Can't be very intellectual and detailed, otherwise it goes unheard after the first few words and is just confusing.


They're not necessarily short. Bands take breaks in between sets. Intellectual and detailed?? On a first date? I can say with utmost certainty women aren't looking for conversation that parallels POF Forums activity, and sadly, I can easily envision many of the men here steering it in that direction in an effort to impress them with their "debate skills". Meanwhile, she's desperately hoping for an asteroid to crash through the building.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 78
Just stop.
Posted: 6/19/2018 7:29:32 AM
the only time old phart advice works, is on old pharts. My mother gave me advice when I was a teen, that would have worked well on women her age. But 18 yr old girls? not at all--few of them were looking for substance :)

Around here, when a band takes a break, the house turns on the recorded music at 3/4rs the volume (and people run for the bathroom :) ). DJs in the club rarely take a break, and if I catch a concert at the local casino, they go nonstop for an hour or more. As for women not wanting intellectual, detailed conversation on a first date...i'm going to argue that's a blanket statement. There are women who can't handle it at all (and yes, you will find them often in a bar if they have few hobbies or can't find something else to do, so they will seem to be the majority of women), but there are also women who WANT to know on a first date if a guy is intelligent or a musclehead. That's the purpose of the first date, to find out what they are about (like, for example, airhead or not). I'm not saying discuss quantum physics on a first date without prompting, but in a noisy atmosphere like you described, I always found that one should speak one sentence at a time, b/c the mind heard every third word and is processing. If you try a second sentence, the look on their face is that you lost 'em b/c they're still figuring out the first sentence and where you were heading. admittedly, i'm not going to say, "nice band huh?", i'm going to be a nerd and comment on the guitar work or the vocal range or something. i'm going to want, you know...some intellectual stimulation :) Maybe a ton of women think that's a mood killer. i'd like to hope not, b/c then i'm really hopeless at getting laid, lol

I didn't mind taking someone new to me, to a blues 'n' brews place (in my younger dating attempt years, we used to have grand band slams around here once a summer, that was convenient, you could pick your genre and they played 15 minutes and then you went elsewhere to catch another), but its like a movie date--there's not a lot of room for talking and getting to know someone thru conversation. I wouldn't be out to debate a date, that's a great way to kill it :) I know, I had a blind one in the days of classified ads, who thought that the medical profession made no mistakes and walked on water. So I knew we weren't compatable and told her stories about all the mistakes her hospital made.

But, I do want to be able to know there's some brain cells in a woman, and being able to have an intelligent conversation is going to help that. a first date catching Ana Popovic in a bar may not help me find out if she's a die-hard Trump supporter, for example (b/c for some, that's a real issue these days--they feel strongly about the social issues regardless of which side of the political fence they are on). Not to say I wouldn't hop into bed with a hot airhead, I tried my best a couple of summers ago. BUT I also know hot airheads tend to not be interested in me. I think before I act, they do the opposite, and so what they think is fun, I think is a waste of time and money and only good for drama. Since girls just wanna have fun, our ideas of fun don't jive, and so they end up not finding me attractive--but some will sure call when they need a friend :)
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 79
Just stop.
Posted: 6/19/2018 4:44:23 PM

but there are also women who WANT to know on a first date if a guy is intelligent or a musclehead.


Oh, right. Those "sapiophile" women. Forgive me while I laugh myself to death over that one. When women slap themselves with that label, it's to make themselves appear to be intelligent. There's not a woman on Earth who's going to fück a man *just* for being intelligent like the silly term suggests. If he's lacking the other key attraction qualities, it won't mean squat. Women are generally VERY forgiving when it comes to intelligence if all the other elements are present.


i'm going to be a nerd and comment on the guitar work or the vocal range or something. i'm going to want, you know...some intellectual stimulation :)


Me personally, I save that for the women who are also musicians. Attempting to do it with anyone else is like trying to speak English to someone who only knows Spanish.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 80
Just stop.
Posted: 6/19/2018 8:35:11 PM
"There's not a woman on Earth who's going to fück a man *just* for being intelligent like the silly term suggests."

>>>actually, there's four of them--how do you think I ever got laid? :) They liked good sex, they liked what I wrote in internet forums, they felt safe with me, and so they made a move. If it had to do with looks, the relationships would have lasted longer--its easier to let a relationship turn to friendship when you aren't physically attracted, and your itch got scratched. BUT, we all chase a certain type who turns us on, and we think they represent all in their gender.

"I save that for musicians, otherwise its like talking to someone who doesn't understand"

>>>you think non-musicians can't recognize a good singer or guitar player? :) i'm the furthest thing from a musician but I can recognize an alley cat in heat from a good singer. also, how would I know if she's even a musician if I don't ask and confirm she has no clue about music? ;)

seriously, tho, i'd like to be impressed by someone, and find they are well-rounded, if possible.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 81
Just stop.
Posted: 6/20/2018 1:20:38 PM

actually, there's four of them--how do you think I ever got laid? :) They liked good sex, they liked what I wrote in internet forums, they felt safe with me, and so they made a move. If it had to do with looks, the relationships would have lasted longer--its easier to let a relationship turn to friendship when you aren't physically attracted, and your itch got scratched. BUT, we all chase a certain type who turns us on, and we think they represent all in their gender.


I'm not saying intelligence didn't play a role, but I highly doubt it was the *only* factor. You're telling me these women didn't even see your picture beforehand?


you think non-musicians can't recognize a good singer or guitar player? :) i'm the furthest thing from a musician but I can recognize an alley cat in heat from a good singer.


It's all purely subjective. There are no bests or official rankings. Only favorites. One man's alley cat is another's Pavarotti. In fact, the last season of ''American Idol'', there was a singer whose pitch was both sharp *and* flat week after week, yet managed to pull in enough votes to make it halfway through the top 10. Not to mention, a non-musician's explanation for why they're drawn to a particular artist's music will be much less articulate than that of a musician, thus revealing the difference in understanding and why it would be better for me not to bother going into specifics.

For example, if I were to say to a non-musician "I really love the section where the guitarist goes into Lydian mode. The augmented fourth in Lydian creates such an intense feeling of longing if used in a certain context, don't you agree?", a non-musician will be thinking "what the f*ck does that mean? I just think it sounds good."
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 82
view profile
History
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 2:53:46 PM
RevSwine
For example, if I were to say to a non-musician "I really love the section where the guitarist goes into Lydian mode. The augmented fourth in Lydian creates such an intense feeling of longing if used in a certain context, don't you agree?", a non-musician will be thinking "what the f*ck does that mean? I just think it sounds good."

+1. As a non-musician, the most I might know re longing is a reference to 'minor key.' That doesn't mean, I hope, that I am not intelligent. ;-)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 83
view profile
History
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 4:26:56 PM
Intelligence seems to be one of those things that can keep you from being eliminated. If you’re dumber than a stump, a lot of women (not all) are going to throw you overboard.

It’s much like being tall. No guarantee of success, but it eliminates yet another reason why she might throw you overboard.

There are a lot more I could name, like having good teeth, good table manners, enough money to take her out on a real date. Guarantees nothing, but gives her one less excuse for ditching your sorry a__.

Actually, with the number of deal breakers that I have heard discussed here in these forums over the last 8 years, it seems like an absolute bloody miracle anytime 2 people actually do get together!

And on the subject of going to clubs / bars for live music and dancing: MachI, I have told you the answer, several times. Meetup groups. Meet people, get to know them, let them get to know you. I was out last night, live music, drinking dancing. A lot of people go over straight after work, and eat dinner waiting for the band to start at 7. When I walked in about 7:20, I spent the first several minutes greeting and being greeted. At least a dozen women amongst that number, and some of them very attractive, all calling me by name, hugging my neck, telling me to save them a dance.

Now this didn’t happen overnight. But it didn’t take that much time, either. And it was well worth every hour I invested.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 84
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 5:47:43 PM

Intelligence seems to be one of those things that can keep you from being eliminated. If you’re dumber than a stump, a lot of women (not all) are going to throw you overboard


That's what women will *say*, but I would bet my life Jason Momoa could be a complete moron, yet would still pull all of them in as long as he remained fun and confident.

I see so much yammering about how to succeed, and it really is as simple as "look your best, be fun, be confident. You have these three covered, and it will be just as Mr. Miyagi once said to Daniel..."if do right, no can defend".
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 85
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 5:54:12 PM

+1. As a non-musician, the most I might know re longing is a reference to 'minor key.' That doesn't mean, I hope, that I am not intelligent. ;-)


Oh, no. Not at all.

I don't know diddly squat about auto mechanics, but it isn't reflective of anything regarding intellect.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 86
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 6:24:33 PM
"I'm not saying intelligence didn't play a role, but I highly doubt it was the *only* factor. You're telling me these women didn't even see your picture beforehand?"

>>>well, one literally did not, we met thru a forum back before digital cameras were cheap and so we snail mailed each other a pic. while we waited, she still emailed daily and she told me the coworkers who knew her, told her she'd be interested regardless of what I looked like. Ironically, she was one of the better looking women I met. She was a mom, wore mom clothes, stopped acting like a sexy woman and her partner wasn't giving her any idea that she was sexy. another two of them saw my old photo of me standing far away in front of a car. The third sent me a photo of her back when she was a model (before she had a kid, many pounds ago), and made up her mind after she got off the plane.

Now, I had to search the country to find women like these, so I won't say its common. but they're out there. As for musicians, I get what you're saying. People can tell me what they love in a car, and even though I know they don't know what they're talking about, I can still keep the conversation going (did it tonight at a car show). I have to know my audience and speak to their level :)

There's always a chance to catch an attractive woman when she can't find better choices (up here, winter can be great for that--too cold to go out and "shop" for a new man, so she'll look around her social circle if she's young and looking to date, but as the older women here have pointed out, at a certain age one isn't looking as much as when they were younger), and so long as one makes her feel comfortable, and doesn't offer reasons for her to decide celibacy is better....there's a chance that, you know, she gets horny too and settles.

Henry, I hear what you're saying about meetups, I just didn't find any the last time I looked that caught my interest. Next month the arts college I used to live near is doing Bette Davis movies, so...i'm occupied :) but I just checked and there's a swing dance for $50 (!) on Thursdays...if I can find one i'm not busy, I may check in. youtube has lessons so I can study ahead as usual.
 sun___flower
Joined: 5/8/2015
Msg: 87
view profile
History
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/20/2018 6:27:48 PM
Oh yes, I know, RevSwine. :-) I was joking... mostly. :-P
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 88
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History
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:39:27 AM
If we all followed Kenny's PUA Thoughts or the likes of Vin Di-Carlo we'd believe that any woman can be 'turned on' in a way she can't resist, but a lot of that comes down to self-confidence and if you don't have that in spades your approaches are doomed as you're spotted as a loser from a mile off.

I've only every heard of the banana thing being used by women to 'signal' to other women that they are lesbian/bi and want to hook up. I couldn't see it working with guys and girls 'signalling' to each other.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 89
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/22/2018 8:17:08 AM
Drats. I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought bananas. But I forgot to check out who else was buying bananas. I'll have to make a mental note to check out banana buyers next time I go for groceries.
 SS4544Spd
Joined: 8/31/2016
Msg: 90
view profile
History
Just stop making excuses.
Posted: 6/22/2018 11:56:00 AM
OK sorry to drag this up again...and for the length of this...just took me awhile to catch up reading and commentary. Haven't read everything here tho

Mustang wrote:
(according to him, he's attractive enough to get reactions. I'll accept his word for it).


I don't think I've ever said I've ever said I was "attractive." Truthfully, I'm over the hill, at least physically. Or at least, hanging on by my fingernails, looking down into the gray abyss of testosterone deprived male irrelevance. But the thing about confidence, though, is it doesn't really wane with age. So it's good to invest in those things that build confidence. I would especially tell younger men that.

NY58 wrote:
If you have a hard time reading age appropriate women, just think twice about what you may say, otherwise, I'm sure ladies of any age appreciate customers being friendly and polite.
I think this is probably the most sensible statement I've read about "Grocerygate" here.

OK now were do I start.

There are 3 types of men: Men who scan for the best looking cashier, 2. men who go to shortest line so they can go back sooner to sit on the park bench and feed the pigeons, and 3. men who are more interested in interior designers named Bruce. (Not that there's anything wrong with that)

Although many of the fine wimmins here seem to believe sitting on park benches and feeding the pigeons is an older man's rightful place....truthfully, there's nothing creepy bout an older dude being friendly to a younger woman in a public setting. Nuttin'.... period, end of sentence, end of paragraph, end of chapter, end of book, end of volume, end of library, end of whatever. There is a difference between being genuinely friendly and creepy. As Forrest Gump would say, "Creepy is as creepy does," and it hasn't to do much with age. Some can pull it off, some can't. From what I read here, most CAN'T. Fair enuff.

Older men who have spend an entire career dealing with people, one on one, groups, men, women, hostile, friendly, young, old, crowds, diff races, presentations, speeches, etc. etc. etc.... know that effectively dealing with said people, means one must win over those people. An effective speech or presentation or interaction is one that wins over that particular person or group. And trust me, "close encounters of the creepyless kind" - ie, winning over a 20-something in the checkout line, or a 50-someth9ing in the produce section, for a friendly quick convo, or smile, is peanuts, compared to winning over other people, or groups, in the greater scheme of things.

...That's why the ad campaign was called "The most interesting man in the world," NOT "The most creepy man in the world." As one will note, that dude always has much younger women at his side. Funny that was one of the most successful ad campaigns of all time...which means that most likely nobody thought it was "creepy." Actually, this thread offers all kinds of fodder for new "Interesting man" ads...."Young women studying in bookstores come sit by him and try to talk to him......CUZ he's the most interesting man in the world!!!.....or "Attractive young grocery store service managers open new checkout lines just FOR HIM....CUZ he's the most interesting man int he world!!!!"...."young female cashiers check out his banana. And THEN they ring up his produce purchases...CUZ...he's " (Note that I am NOT saying I am like that dude - I wish I was lol - just making a point here)

As far as being "suggestive," well, in general, that's not for trying to pull on strange women in a grocery store, or a cashier unless you're hot or have some inkling she's interested. But even then, some guys can pull that off. I have known guys who could. More power to them. Guys have to be aggressive. And in the past, back before the wheel was invented, I dated a couple women I met behind checkout counters.

And being "suggestive" can pay off in OTHER settings, where things are, let's just say, looser, i.e., parties, bars, vacation etc. etc...and yes, even on much younger women. Just like some younger women are classic rock fans, some younger women are classic c*ck fans. I know many women don't like to hear that. But even then, ya gotta be good at it, cuz it can still be creepy if not handled correctly. And this is generic commentary, not saying it's me that participates in um....such activities.

I guess I get it that most older men can't pull this off without being creepy, means that women think ALL older men are creepy. Friendly older guy does NOT ALWAYS equal creepy! Actually that's discriminatory. I think I'm gonna start a Me Too movement. And in our older mens' march on Washington we will NOT be sitting on park benches and feeding the pigeons.....as we will NOT be marching sporting saggy d!cks and b*lls on our heads, combovers and trenchcoats.

Rant over. Stay thirsty, my friends. lol

:)
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 91
never apologize for the length of your post
Posted: 6/22/2018 6:10:21 PM
SS454, you may not have used the actual word "attractive", but I like to abbreviate for the sake of POF's data storage :) Observing generally, I notice when I label any poster who gets a bit of attention from the other gender "attractive", they all tend to...well, not like the label. Heck, i'm a liberal and a retiree, I don't mind being labeled lucky or anything positive like that :) its an advantage (ie, time) that I have over others, and i'm cool with that.

"But the thing about confidence, though, is it doesn't really wane with age."

>>when I used to work in a grocery store, the older men had no problem complimenting the beautiful young ladies, and would remark on the side how they couldn't have done that at their age. Sometimes confidence comes with age, as it comes from experience. I've told this story before, at my 5 yr high school reunion I was surprised at how many fellow students who ignored me in school looked me up to see how I had turned out. They respected my confidence back then and my unwillingness to try out new fads and instead just been me. But it hadn't been enough for them to want to hang out with me back then. So, confidence is a great tool, but not a magic wand--hot people who chased the latest fads in order to be accepted, got a ton of dates. Confidence only impresses those who think its sexy, everyone else overlooks it for a hot lay.

a bit more about suggestiveness, just for the sake of debate...I've mentioned before, we should treat sexual innuendo like we wish other people would talk about our money--a general joke is ok, but asking us to spend it on them so that they can be happy, is too personal and creepy. Let's say someone throws out a straight line, and you return with "that's what she said." Its a joke, it has a sexual reference, but its not creepy b/c its general and not specific. now, if you respond with, "yeah, that's what you're going to say tonight", NOW you got personal, now you got specific, and you're creepy...if you aren't already dating this person :)
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