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 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 276
Why do men lie to get a womanPage 12 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

Yeah, trusting someone doesn't make you stupid. Some people have thrown the word "nieve" around too when talking about me on here but I'm not nieve either. I've been hurt way too many times be people to count but I keep giving people a chance because I want to see the good in people because when you do see that good, its a great feeling to have. In order to feel certain great feelings you need to leave yourself open and the consequence of that is you often get taken advantage of, betrayed or overlooked.

*Naive


nieve means fist...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 277
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/4/2018 5:11:23 PM

no, we may be on the same ship LOL!
I think if we met in person we would be friends ...
the 4ums are a bad way to communicate IMO


Bi-polar much??
threaten to call the local authorities....accuse me of being an accomplice to an imaginary child molestation, put me on imaginary FB Block, called me stupid...
etc....etc....etc
and you think it's a communication issue and we could be friends....

OMG....best laugh I've had all day!!
I can promise you....friends isn't what we would be if we met in person....
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 278
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/4/2018 6:18:19 PM

Yeah, trusting someone doesn't make you stupid. Some people have thrown the word "nieve" around too when talking about me on here but I'm not nieve either.

One could be being stupid or naive by trusting a certain person. That doesn't make that certain person any less guilty. If anything, it'd shed worse light on them taking advantage of someone being naive. A common human error is to think that when there's justifiably less sympathy had for someone, that less wrong was done to them or that the wrong-doer had more a right to do it. That's not the case.

I may be *Separately* wrong on a different topic about being too naive & too hastily given trust toward a particular gal... but that doesn't take 1% of the wrong she did toward me. It's in a different boat.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 279
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/4/2018 6:22:52 PM

One could be being stupid or naive by trusting a certain person

I'm not arguing w/ Ms M. anymore.

Her 1st husband did a hurtful thing.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 280
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/4/2018 9:35:50 PM

Posted By: whiterose0 on 7/4/2018 226 PM
Subject: Why do men lie to get a woman
Message: ^^^^ You select as your intent: "I'm looking for casual dating, no commitment"

It will display as "isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment".


Thanks whiterose!


Posted By: Curvylady1965 on 7/4/2018 344 PM
Subject: Why do men lie to get a woman
Message: CBG, you can list your marital status as not single, not looking. And you can hide your profile as well.


Thanks Curvylady,how do I hide my profile? I couldn't find any option to do that when I updated my profile.
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 281
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 4:33:29 AM

But it doesn't mean they share the blame of the other Cheating,

You still aren't quite there with this yet. This isn't even about the other person, it's more about you. No, you're not responsible for someone else's decision to cheat. You may have had a part in that decision though. Try this example. Most older gentlemen seem to be able to relate to this, NO ladies, I don't condone this........... One of my co- workers has been having an affair for about one year. He admits to feeling very guilty for doing it. When asked why he continues to do it , he told the few of us, who know, that he loves his wife still, but she just isn't interested in being intimate with him anymore. They have been to counseling, he has tried every imaginable thing he can think of but still nothing! He's in his mid 50's , he says he's not ready to abstain yet. He feels betrayed in some ways because she always promised him she wouldn't be one of those women who would cut their partner off................ There are TWO people in this relationship that are making decisions that are contributing to the outcome of this. He is planning to tell his wife soon, he is hoping they can stay together, he's not hopeful though, because she doesn't think their lack of sex is a problem. Until she recognizes that it is a problem, and so much so, that it is causing him to look elsewhere, I don't hold out too much hope for them. If she just gets angry and hurt and considers him a no good douche, she will never see her part in it.

MachIMustangII in the last few paragraphs of msg 257 did a great job of articulating what this is about. He gets this, I'm sure.

My Pastor, who counsels, did a great talk on marriage and divorce. His message was, couples rarely divorce for the reasons they give for divorce. Divorces are most often caused by 1000 cuts over time and taking your partner for granted. Marriages deteriorate over time, they don't end out of the blue. Few people are willing to own up to their own part in the failure of the marriage. it's easier to blame the other person, it helps you save face with family and friends and yourself. Very rarely do you hear someone admit that they failed to pay attention when their partner needed them, or that they stopped paying attention when the kids were born and quit paying attention when their partner came home from work exhausted. We do hear that their partner was a no good so and so, all the time. Who marries a no good so and so?

This is about ownership of your OWN behavior, so you don't repeat past mistakes. For every behavior YOU choose , there is a consequence to that behavior. I think MachIMustangII said earlier, " Only spend what you can afford to lose"!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 282
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:35:38 AM
CBG, select the 'edit profile' button and you will see that the hide your profile option is the first line of text that displays at the top under the edit menu.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 283
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:44:33 AM
FF....I completely agree with you on scenario you provided....
but I also think the husband in your case should have been honest from the start...

I have a male friend that is cheating on his wife. His reasoning is she doesn't give oral sex. When I asked him if she did oral on him before they married, he said, "No, she has never given oral".
I then asked him why he married someone he wasn't sexually compatible with. He said she is an awesome woman. I could never find another like her and I love her with all my heart... I just love oral sex.
I can promise you....when she finds out....she will kick him to the curb.
So....in this case.....is it the wife's fault for not giving him what he wants....
or the husband's fault for marrying someone knowing they would never give him what he wanted???
I honestly don't think there are "two people to blame" here...

Once again....you want to make someone accountable for something they may not have had control over...
not every spouse is being sexually deprived that cheats..
not every spouse has a home life that causes them to go elsewhere for affection/attention.
Sometimes....people cheat just because they can.
If someone is a great partner in all other aspects...is good at hiding what they are doing outside the marriage...how can you possibly blame their spouse for the demise of the marriage??
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 284
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 7:08:29 AM
having the abilities for reflection and ownership are powerful tools to aid someone in understanding and moving forward but even so at times, depending on the situation, someone still may not have any culpability.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 285
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:02:34 AM

No, you're not responsible for someone else's decision to cheat.

Okay, then you don't share the blame if you're 100% not responsible for the action...

You may have had a part in that decision though.

But that's a contradiction, though. Are you responsible or not? If you Played A Role in the decision, you are at least somewhat responsible. So which is it? :)

When asked why he continues to do it , he told the few of us, who know, that he loves his wife still, but she just isn't interested in being intimate with him anymore. They have been to counseling, he has tried every imaginable thing he can think of but still nothing!

It doesn't take mid 50s to be in that situation. I've had a friend in his mid-30s. It's still 100% cheating on his part, not her part. She's not carrying responsibility for it. I know, that's easy for me to say. But here's the kicker: The situation you describe is not incredibly uncommon. He has less of a "sentence" handed down to him because his wife won't have sexual relations with him. It's less of a penalty. But he's 100% responsible, it's 100% HIS doing.

Why? You divorce/breakup OR set up a situation with your significant other where they allow you to fool around with others (which is not cheating anyone). I'm not saying it's easy by one iota. It's not supposed to be, whether the wife is a complete b!tch but you have kids and you "can't" divorce at that time, or whether she won't have sex and doesn't understand and over time it drives the other nuts.

There are TWO people in this relationship that are making decisions that are contributing to the outcome of this.

There's ONE person making the action to cheat. It doesn't take two to tango (make problems). It takes One. It takes Two to make peace.

By this rationale, if one person is understandably getting the short end of the stick on conflict between two people in a relationship, the other person played a role in them Cheating. NO. Ya aren't quite there with this yet... ;)

The other person played a role in putting one in position to do something they wouldn't want. Going for a divorce. Or cheating. He chose cheating. Plain and simple.

Again, it's less of a "sentence". My point is, NOT because she shares the blame. Her blame is Separate. Not on the cheating. That's ALL him. ALL Him. One person there. His sentence is Less because he was in an unhappy relationship where the other put him in position to be unhappy & unfulfilled, assuming over a long time and very strong.

In the end, she put him in position to do something about it. He chose Cheating. All on Him.

Since when are vows (of a marriage, or if having a talk solidifying being BF/GF): I won't chase, fool around with, or sleep with Anyone else. Unless of course we're on the rocks and I feel it's your fault. I'll do it behind your back and not tell you if I think you'll freak out about it, which I'm sure you will of course.

You're just making the case that it's not so easy Not to cheat. Oh, I agree there. But cheating's 100% on You and You alone, when you're too chicken to break up or find some common resolution. :)
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 286
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:59:05 AM

One of my co- workers has been having an affair for about one year. He admits to feeling very guilty for doing it. When asked why he continues to do it , he told the few of us, who know, that he loves his wife still, but she just isn't interested in being intimate with him anymore. They have been to counseling, he has tried every imaginable thing he can think of but still nothing! He's in his mid 50's , he says he's not ready to abstain yet. He feels betrayed in some ways because she always promised him she wouldn't be one of those women who would cut their partner off................ There are TWO people in this relationship that are making decisions that are contributing to the outcome of this. He is planning to tell his wife soon, he is hoping they can stay together, he's not hopeful though, because she doesn't think their lack of sex is a problem. Until she recognizes that it is a problem, and so much so, that it is causing him to look elsewhere,


So, rather than tell her exactly how much of a problem her abstention is for him, he decided it would be easier to fool around on her. Rather than tell her he needs the sexual intimacy, he would risk losing her.

Have I got that right?


...he has tried every imaginable thing he can think of but still nothing!

Has he set her down and very bluntly said,
"If we don't get intimate at least once a week, then I will seek my sexual needs elsewhere." or
"If we don't get intimate, I will move in with another woman within the month." or
"We don't get intimate and we're both too young for celibacy. You still turn me on. Please speak with your doctor about any problems or I will have sex with this woman at work."
"I need the intimacy of being with you, even if you just hold me while I masterbate."
"This lack of sex is a very big problem for me and I am seeing a lawyer about divorce/separation/ protect my assets in case of my affair with another woman. I love you and don't want to.... What can we do to prevent that?"

You say at this point she doesn't think their lack of sex is a problem.... so he has not communicated this very important fact effectively.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 287
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 9:11:21 AM
Who knows what her reply might be.

She might say:
"Sex is becoming painful."
His response. "They let you and me go see a physician because that isnt healthy."

"I don't feel sexual."
His response. "What can I do to convince you that you're still the woman for me. Remember when we went skinny dipping and..."

"The kids are teenagers and taking a lot of my time and energy. Also, I'm afraid they'll hear us."
His response. "How about in the morning after they've gone to school? Or we'll leave them home and go on a date at classy local or non-local hotel. Or I'll chase you around the dining table and they can just roll their eyes."

"Go ahead, I really don't mind so long as it's not an affair with my best friend."
His response. "Got it. An affair is allowable but not with Carol."

"We can contribute $100 a month for a professional woman. Just remember to wear protection."
His response. "Protection? Does that mean you might get frisky at some point in the future?"

"It takes too long for me to get relaxed after all the hard work at...."
His response: "Then let's make a date for July 28. We'll go to the Austin Lake Spa for the weekend, leave the kids here/hire a babysitter for the weekend, etc."
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 288
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 9:40:05 AM
norwegianguy, I agree with all of the above that you just said.

If someone is in an unhappy marriage (or cohabitation/commonlaw partnership) they have the choice: accept that things won't change, cheat, leave or find a compromise (ie. open marriage). Often, the person who feels they are justified in cheating has not fully communicated how serious they are about the situation or has not taken accountability for their part in the problems which exist. They need to state to the other person that if xyz does not happen then they will leave the relationship. And they need to stick to their ultimatum. Life is full of choices.

Of course there are difficult situations to solve in many relationships and both people need to find ways to adapt and compromise to each other if a relationship is to flourish. Both people need to be all in. However, from what I've observed, the person who cheats is themselves the major part of the problem. Especially when it comes to sex. Many men will say they cheat because their wife wasn't giving them enough or satisfactory sex. Many women cheat because they say their husband gave them no romance or passion. Many wives say they have no desire to have sex with their husband because the husband makes zero effort at romance, never helps out around the house or with the kids. Women tend to feel more amorous when they feel more loved and men tend to feel more loved when their women have sex with them which is a major part of the problem which exists.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 289
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 11:05:04 AM
"I have a male friend who is cheating on his wife. His reasoning is she doesn't give oral sex. When I asked him if she did oral on him before they married, he said, "No, she has never given oral". I then asked him why he married someone he wasn't sexually compatible with. He said she is an awesome woman. I could never find another like her and I love her with all my heart... I just love oral sex."


>>>I'm sure he does think he loves her, or perhaps loves many things she does for him, but we have his opinion that he ALWAYS treats her in a loving way. I mean, if he can rationalize cheating on to get oral....ya really think he hasn't rationalized other ways to get things that she doesn't give him? :) If I was forced to guess, i'll bet he's doing other, likely small and maybe she doesn't notice, things to get around her saying no, like maybe with the finances or something. I don't really believe you can respect and love someone BUT in one field, totally betray them. I think you have to have an overall view, and his may just be, "I love being in love, and I love that she gives me things I want that other women would not give me."

of course, there are plenty of women out there, who after the fact, admit that they knew something was up. For all we know, the wife here gives backhanded approval by not asking, "honey, you used to bug me all the time for oral. What made you stop?" Some people know to not ask the question they don't want to hear a truthful answer to. Hopefully when you label him your male friend, you keep track of what he rationalizes is ok to pull over on you. he may not stop with just the love of his life.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 290
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 11:18:31 AM
well....as his friend....he has nothing to gain by "pulling one over" on me....
with his wife....he gets to keep an otherwise great marriage.

There are many people that separate love and sex in their minds...
it is their way of rationalizing what they are doing.
In his mind....cheating would mean emotions are involved...and he is only out for the BJ!!
Trust me, we have had many talks about it...and he knows I do not approve in any shape or form...
I have considered telling his wife on numerous occasions....but been there, done that and it didn't work out real well for me and I have a scar to prove it!!
I agree...love comes with respect...and he has a warped sense of what true love is....
but....that isn't the point here!!
The point is....HE would be the reason if the marriage fails for this....
FF states she has responsibility too if the marriage fails....but there are just too many instances where that isn't true for some couples!!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 291
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 1:22:11 PM
Micki, are you still fostering kids? You can take the approach of not holding innocent men accountable because of the sins of the ex, but not when kids are involved. Women with kids are sought out by pedophiles, so women do have to be vigilant. Maybe I took what you said the wrong way, and I hope so about trusting men with regard to them being around kids. When kids are involved, a woman has more responsibility about who she's with and brings around the kids.

Did anything happen to your ex for hooking up with your foster child? I would guess due to her age, that's rape. I would have been going thru a range of emotions to find that out. Men think it's easy for women, but it isn't. If you're not safeguarding your kids from predators, you have to take a close look if they're after the nanny.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 292
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 1:33:09 PM
Oh for fuk's sake....

how long ya'll gonna run with this juicy tidbit I laid in your laps?

Other than the sins of my ex....have I ever given you a reason to think I am stupid??

and No....she was my last foster kid.....and as I said....it was 25 fukking years ago~~
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 293
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 1:41:22 PM
I don't consider it a juicy tid bit. I think it's awful for what you and your foster kid went thru. I didn't know it was that long ago either, which doesn't really change anything.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 294
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:17:16 PM

Blonde_Idiot
So just some friendly advice to someone who thinks I am an idiot...

A different person would contact your family & show all of this to them, plus the women at your meet up groups.

Then your posting history.

Not too smart.

Pardon me for being slow to respond, I have had much more important matters to deal with. Please note my profile picture and the caption thereon for edification.

But to respond to your threats – please eat sh__ and die. Do your worst. I have done nothing and said nothing that I am ashamed of, so do your worst.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 295
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:43:55 PM
No threat, friendly advice.

The fact you took it as a threat is very telling.

And your comments:

"eat sh__ and die"

another tell.

Have a great evening & stay cool!
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 296
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/5/2018 8:43:55 PM
I'm so very sorry to see your time with Sasha came to an end🌹

order to maintain the highest quality forums you are restricted to having no more then 2 of the last 10 posts on a thread. Since 2 of the last 10 posts are yours you can not post to this thread.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 297
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/6/2018 2:29:48 AM
"There are many people that separate love and sex in their minds...it is their way of rationalizing what they are doing.
In his mind....cheating would mean emotions are involved...I agree, love comes with respect...and he has a warped sense of what true love is."

>>>just to play Devil's Advocate here...what if his wife loves him for having that attitude? Maybe she's comfortable with it b/c she shares it. Could that be her flaw, too? Or maybe she doesn't know he views love that way....why does she not see it? Those are rhetorical questions, I don't expect you have had that in-depth conversation on the philosophy of love :)

"I have considered telling his wife on numerous occasions...but been there, done that"

>>>yep, get that. people don't want to know...what they don't want to know.

He is doing the act, he is the active reason. If she's ignoring what he is (the old scorpion and frog crossing the river story, you may know it), she could be the passive reason. But if they are "consenting" (Assuming her's is a passive consent, just for the sake of argument/debate) adults, and they are happy with the rest of the marriage, then all is good. he has what he wants, she has what she wants.

Henry, sorry about Sasha.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 298
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/6/2018 4:04:25 AM

And your comments: "eat sh__ and die" another tell.


Oh, boy. You're going to play paragon of virtue now? Just how many faces do you have?

You earned every last word of what he said.
 forumfairy
Joined: 3/20/2018
Msg: 299
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Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/6/2018 4:23:08 AM

I can promise you....when she finds out....she will kick him to the curb.
So....in this case.....is it the wife's fault for not giving him what he wants....
or the husband's fault for marrying someone knowing they would never give him what he wanted???
I honestly don't think there are "two people to blame" here...

You are getting stuck on "blame" again. They both have a part in this. They both CHOSE to marry someone they weren't sexually compatable with. What made her susceptible to marrying someone that didn't want to be honest about their sexual preferences.? If you choose to marry someone, should you not at least know their sexual preferences? That would be a basic thing if you ask me. She married him not knowing or caring his true preference, he married her not telling. Seems like a relationship built on a house of cards that they both CHOSE to enter. I wouldn't marry anyone until I was confident, as I could be, that we were compatible in the sac. If the truth gets out there, she has a choice, she can learn to like oral and accept a cheater, or leave, but if she doesn't want to repeat the same mistake she needs to answer some hard questions. She will likely just be hurt, and say, "that buggar was nothing but a liar". She will do the same darn thing next time, UNLESS, she is willing to see her part in it.

In my previous example, The wife if making her choice, intimacy is part of a marriage. If you decide it's not on the table anymore, what do you think is going to happen? You decide to cheat, what do you think will probably happen?.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 300
Why do men lie to get a woman
Posted: 7/6/2018 5:51:54 AM
I'm so sorry, Henry.
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