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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds      Home login  
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 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 76
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I'm on synthyroid.

The above stuff about the fat girls being used by guys for sex because they are easy does worry me a lot. It makes me really suspicious of motives. Because, truthfully, I would put out easier because I sometimes wonder if a guy would be embarrassed to actually date me. I don't want my weight to define me but online dating is so awful about it. I actually give guys the "I only want to be friends" crap because I don't actually believe they'd want a relationship with me. And that needs to be changed but I'm not sure how. The only way to be more confident is to lose weight or to progress with someone enough to have a relationship, to feel like someone wants me for me. And since starting my weight loss journey almost a year ago, I do feel more confident. Before I wouldn't even bother with OLD. But losing weight causes you to feel better and buy new clothes and gives you a real sense of self-satisfaction.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 77
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/21/2018 5:20:44 PM

Was it the appeal of looking at the 'tons of women'?


It certainly played a pivotal role. I think what truly kept him in the game, though, was seeing how easily the weight came off early on and the excitement of seeing how much more would come off as time progressed.

Once he lost the 80 pounds, girls he grew up with who ridiculed him suddenly became interested in him, but I told him I would kick the shit out of him if he gave them the time of day.


Like us?


Leykis? What does he have to do with this? (rimshot)

But seriously, when I look at who has been a raging loon and who hasn't, it's been the hot ones who weren't. I have quite a few forumite women from yesteryear on Facebook and what they all have in common is being hot and sane.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 78
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/21/2018 6:59:17 PM
July, the problem is that so many men are predators. Instead of looking for sex outside of a relationship with women that would be happy to comply, they prey on a woman's emotions, wish for a relationship, intimacy and closeness. That's why women need to be protective over themselves. Men that scoff at that, are probably predators, because they don't understand or care about the welfare of women.

You can see some men here want women to expect less from men, making it easier for them to prey on women. It's the same in the wild, weak animals get preyed upon, and it doesn't end well for them. Predators look for anything that would make a woman feel less about herself. It could be weight, financial status or maybe they're in some type of bad situation.

Omg, any guy should be proud to be seen with you! Now may be a hard time to lose weight, but everything will fall into place eventually.

My dog is hypo. She's on levo.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 79
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 11:50:43 AM
july...
IF the synthyroid is not working for you... if you still have lingering symptoms of hypothyroidism, then you might check with your physician about using Erfa (or maybe it's Urfa) which is the Canadian version of dissicated porcine thyroid which contains the full complement of hormones - T1-5 instead of just the T4 (synthyroid is T4 only). For some people there's no difference but for others it does make a very important difference in the quality of life.

NY...
Same for your pup though in the US, the medication is Armour, Westhyroid, Acalla and I don't know if those are prescribed by your vet but you can ask.


The above stuff about the fat girls being used by guys for sex because they are easy does worry me a lot.

Yes, there's that. The only cure is to truly understand your own motivations for having sex. Know yourself - what you want as well as your personal weaknesses and strengths. Don't let yourself be used unless you're perfectly happy to be used. Don't leap into something unless you're pretty sure your regrets will NOT be along the lines of 'I was dumb and shouldn't have done that'. Make them worthwhile regrets.


It makes me really suspicious of motives. Because, truthfully, I would put out easier because I sometimes wonder if a guy would be embarrassed to actually date me.

Again - know yourself. His motives don't really matter as long as you know what you want and need. Don't try to pick apart his motives, simply let his actions guide you.


I don't want my weight to define me but online dating is so awful about it.

I think online dating is simply a mirror to society - maybe a fun house mirror all distorted - but a mirror nonetheless.
We are defined by a lot of things and our physical appearance is one. You are defined by your weight as much as by education and the fact that you're a single mother and white and and and. Physical appearance is simply the first judgment. Recognize that and then let it go. You will be judged by your weight but do you want to be with someone who goes by first appearances?


I actually give guys the "I only want to be friends" crap because I don't actually believe they'd want a relationship with me. And that needs to be changed but I'm not sure how.

Shut your mouth when your brain wants to say that!
Really. Practice listening and smiling enigmatically.
Practice NOT thinking what you're going to say while he's talking - let him finish talking before you think of a response.
Pretend you have a sour throat and he needs to do most of the talking.


The only way to be more confident is to lose weight or to progress with someone enough to have a relationship, to feel like someone wants me for me.

You need to want you for you.
No one else matters in this respect. Not even your kids.
No one needs to BE more confident, they just need to appear to be confident. Appearing confident can be learned. See above - for some reason silent attention is always taken as confidence (not silence while you're texting or looking around the room).


And since starting my weight loss journey almost a year ago, I do feel more confident. Before I wouldn't even bother with OLD. But losing weight causes you to feel better and buy new clothes and gives you a real sense of self-satisfaction.

Perhaps it is the losing weight (Yea!) but I suspect that increasing confidence comes when we make a promise and keep it. Increasing confidence and satisfaction comes when we learn we can change and we can change things. Confidence comes from know we can and that failure is only temporary.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 80
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 11:56:04 AM

Perhaps it is the losing weight (Yea!) but I suspect that increasing confidence comes when we make a promise and keep it. Increasing confidence and satisfaction comes when we learn we can change and we can change things. Confidence comes from know we can and that failure is only temporary.


Agreed.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 81
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 12:04:49 PM

July, the problem is that so many men are predators. Instead of looking for sex outside of a relationship with women that would be happy to comply, they prey on a woman's emotions, wish for a relationship, intimacy and closeness. That's why women need to be protective over themselves. Men that scoff at that, are probably predators, because they don't understand or care about the welfare of women.


The same amount of women are predators, if not more. It's not a gender specific thing. I've had the unfortunate experience of being used by female psychopaths that mirror your behaviours because they lack true intimate feelings. Opportunistic men have been using women with low self esteem since the beginning of time and I don't see it ending soon. All people can do is be street smart.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 82
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 12:19:17 PM
Coma...
I agreed that women can be just as predatory as men but could you tell me what kind of men are more susceptible to women at a glance?
I mean, predatory men often chose fat women under the assumption that she has low self-esteem and is therefore an easy f*ck.
Are you aware of any visible class of men - i.e. overweight men or men wearing hats or men with accents - particularly subject to predatory women?

ETA: Not that I'm going to do anything devious with this information (sharpening pencil to take notes).
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 83
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 1:14:24 PM
Coma, that was the short list of what male predators do, as it relates to July and dating, but as the infomercials say, but wait, there's more! Men are predators for us. Of course not all men, but it's a reason why women need to be protective of themselves against predatory behavior, whether it's rape, being fooled to obtain sex, or murder. Stats:

There is an average of 293,066 victims ages 12 or older of rape and sexual assault each year in the U.S. This means 1 sexual assault occurs every 107 seconds.

I don't think of all men as predators, even though there are quite a lot of abusers out there, but the thought is in my self conscious to always live a life where I'm thinking about my welfare as a natural reflex. Check out the stats:

Although the overall risk of homicide for women was substantially lower than that of men (rate ratio [RR] = 0.27), their risk of being killed by a spouse or intimate acquaintance was higher (RR = 1.23). In contrast to men, the killing of a woman by a stranger was rare (RR = 0.18). More than twice as many women were shot and killed by their husband or intimate acquaintance than were murdered by strangers using guns, knives, or any other means. Although women comprise more than half the U.S. population, they committed only 14.7% of the homicides noted during the study interval.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 84
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 5:20:19 PM

Coma...
I agreed that women can be just as predatory as men but could you tell me what kind of men are more susceptible to women at a glance?
I mean, predatory men often chose fat women under the assumption that she has low self-esteem and is therefore an easy f*ck.
Are you aware of any visible class of men - i.e. overweight men or men wearing hats or men with accents - particularly subject to predatory women?

ETA: Not that I'm going to do anything devious with this information (sharpening pencil to take notes).


Rich men that are bad at dating. Men with little dating experience. Virgins. Men who have good hearts and get fooled by female psychopaths. (Marrying Medusa on YouTube explains a lot of it.)


Coma, that was the short list of what male predators do, as it relates to July and dating, but as the infomercials say, but wait, there's more! Men are predators for us. Of course not all men, but it's a reason why women need to be protective of themselves against predatory behavior, whether it's rape, being fooled to obtain sex, or murder. Stats:


I agree it's more likely for a woman to suffer physical abuse from a man than the other way around. Men often get used for sex, used for their money, used as a backup boyfriend or used as a placeholder until they want to trade up or don't feel like dating anymore. It's very hard to tell with psychopaths.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 85
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/22/2018 5:34:52 PM
2ufo, I really appreciated your responses, they make a lot of sense.

Both men and women can be susceptible to narcissists/psychopaths and losers. Interestingly, I've noticed many of my co-workers who are nurses and nursing assistants, generally very caring individuals, often end up with men like that and I think maybe our desire to help people care for them makes us victims to these parasites.
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 86
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 11:36:21 AM

Rich men that are bad at dating. Men with little dating experience. Virgins. Men who have good hearts …

But you can't identify these men at a glance.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 87
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 12:35:27 PM

The same amount of women are predators, if not more. It's not a gender specific thing.

I agree that it's about the same -- but here's the thing: Most of what we call "predators" are Not "predators". It's what our emotions Want to believe because they just aren't into us. We'll slap that label on people (mainly guys) when at the end of the day, all they did was hook up, but the other wished/wanted more. They "used" me! What a "predator"! But wait -- what about that Bob guy a few months ago? You hooked up with him that one night! "Oh, he's a nice guy, but I wasn't that into him." Ahhhhh, then it's fine, right? Point is -- neither are predators. It doesn't take "scheming" or false promises by any means to mingle, # exchange, and hook up with someone where your underlying intent isn't to ride off in the dating sunset with them. We just don't like it when we are into the other person more than they're into us. We then slap the "used" or "predator" label on it, erroneously (but backed by peers).

The above stuff about the fat girls being used by guys for sex because they are easy does worry me a lot.

What may put you at ease: The guys usually don't have any ill-will intent about them. There's still sexual attraction, and it doesn't take lying, scheming, or false promises to warm them up to fool around some time. Same goes with gals of any "type" where the guy isn't "That into", but has some sexual attraction.

I've hooked up with gals out of my league -- or not so much, but being a social butterfly and pretty cute has great looking guys swarming on her all the time. And in much of those situations, they fizzled out where I wanted to take them out (beyond a charity date). Were they predators? Did they Use me for sex? I'd still know them, and chit-chat with them at a particular bar or wherever they hang out at. We're both friendly with each other, the same as before we fooled around. So what gives? Some of us WANT to think we were used. It's easier to take than "They can do better than me". It's sexual/emotional frustration.

The "using"/"tricking" someone concept comes into play when the other person is Lying to you about how much they want to date you. Not just compliments -- those can be 100% For Real in the moment with beer-goggles on, of course. Instead, it's some stupid scheme to say they're So into you, when they're not -- which isn't an effective method to have anyway, if you didn't know the girl from Adam walking into it.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 88
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 5:04:10 PM
Yeah, I think the predator label is affixed way too quickly. More often its just that someone realized they weren't into the other person but didn't end things soon enough. Reasons people break up with someone:

1) Their feelings change
2) They realize they aren't over someone else
3) They develop feelings for someone else
4) They realize they aren't attracted (ie. maybe the sex was bad)
5) Its too much emotionally
6) They realize they do not like the person intellectually

Predatory behaviour could be classified as something resulted from the following intentions:

1) They are looking for a rebound and intentionally get with a person as a means to get over someone else
2) They only want sex from a person and give the person false hope that a relationship will develop
3) They get with someone to make someone else jealous
4) They seduce someone away from someone else because they want to cause harm to the person whose partner is seduced or they like the challenge of seducing someone else's partner
5) They enjoy the thrill of the chase but have no intention of keeping the person once they get them
6) they take advantage of someone's low self-esteem to get that person to do things for them (sexually or materially) in return for attention
7) they want immediate gratification and use their charisma to get what they want from the other person
8) they want someone to control and seek out weak, needy and lonely people to fulfill that role

Basically, a predator is someone that intentionally lies to, manipulates or convinces someone to give sexual or material gifts to them with no intention to love them or committ to them.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 89
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/23/2018 5:51:12 PM

1) They are looking for a rebound and intentionally get with a person as a means to get over someone else

Disagree Wholeheartedly. Doing so to mingle, get a #, get a date, or to whatever degree and whatever direction -- motivated by being on the rebound and needing to get in the mix again to help get over someone -- is Not being a predator. It does not imply one's f-ing with them because they don't announce they're getting over someone. It's only when they're PRETENDING to be More Into Them than they are -- intentionally to get said #, date, poon, or whatever that "satisfies" them, with the Intention of DITCHING them immediately after.

5) They enjoy the thrill of the chase but have no intention of keeping the person once they get them

Disagree there, too. Just because you're interacting/meshing with someone of the opp-sex -- does Not by default mean you're wanting to ride off in the sunset with them. At All. It's only when you MEAN to Intentionally give them that WILD mis-impression To satisfy your emotions (sex-related or not), *and* doing that happens to be The Key to garnering that other person's interest to what you're wanting to get out of them (again, sex-related or not).

We WANT to believe the other person was doing that when we Have Our Own Hopes Up and have no evidence, except they fizzled out shortly after X happened. X can be mingling/flirting, getting a #, then Poof -- not-ever-available/excuses/busy/disappearing. Or kissing at the bar. Or going out on a date to a place where they're a regular. Or a double-date. Or hooking up. Or whatever.

MOST of the time, no, they're not a "predator". They weren't "using us" with any ill-intent. We don't think about it that way if they're cordial/cool and we're not That into them. But we do when we dig them, and Assume they must have been playing us. Like those on POF who get frustrated when they're writing a guy or gal, and then Poof they disappear and/or seem suddenly not interested the next day. No Bob, chances are she Wasn't f-ing with you or had any intentions of that exactly happening.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 90
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:35:57 PM
July, you are gorgeous even with the excess weight. Don't be so hard on yourself. If you give guys opportunity to walk over you they will but they will do that to pretty much every woman. Let them prove themselves to you before you giving yourself to them. Even if you think you trust them.

Just stuff like drinking no sugar drinks at all and no overly unhealthy stuff like cakes and bacon has a huge impact honestly. Like yes try to have some vegies but it isn't going to be the whole diet. Breakfast is probably the most important meal of the day. I always have a slice if toast with cheese and soy milk mixed with almond milk for breakfast. With the other meals its more important to have atleast 1 of them balanced aka with meat, vegies or salad, some carb source even if it is crumbing and fruit but not citrus fruit. If you are trying to lose weight don't eat potato.
 SiennaBear2
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 91
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/24/2018 3:39:08 PM
Most men are players pretty much or just want to screw around even if they don't admit it.
They won't be honest about it either because it means risking losing their chance at sex so it's up to us to be suspicious of them ;)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 92
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/24/2018 10:41:04 PM
Sienna, I'm aware of what I should be eating and generally I eat well but where I slip up is when it comes to my family. Food is such a central thing in my family and when I'm around people who are constantly cooking and eating things that aren't great for me it gets difficult to abstain. Tonight it was chips. My mom brought out the chips at like 9pm and after about 45 minutes of trying to ignore these damn chips I finally walked out of the house and went for a nightime bike ride. Couldn't take it anymore. Its like trying to quit smoking but living with a smoker who constantly asks you if you want a drag.
 Kissfromarose77
Joined: 4/2/2018
Msg: 93
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/25/2018 12:56:24 AM

Most men are players pretty much or just want to screw around even if they don't admit it.
They won't be honest about it either because it means risking losing their chance at sex so it's up to us to be suspicious of them ;)


Losing their chance at sex? The truth is that the majority of women do enjoy sex. That means that men have a good chance of getting it.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 94
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/25/2018 9:14:56 AM
So are most men players then?

I know a segment of men are in settle-down-mode but what about all the other guys, 5he ones that aren't wanting kids or more kids? Do a lot of men want to settle down with one woman for a longterm relationship or are sexual experiences their primary interest?
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 95
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/25/2018 9:37:48 AM
"so are most men players, then?"

>>>most players are men who will approach you. Few players will not approach you. So it will feel like the majority of men coming into your orbit are players, b/c that's what players do.

"do a lot of men want to settle down?"

>>>depends upon their age--closer to the biological clock ringing, the more a guy who's played the field is ready for something serious. BUT, it doesn't mean a guy will choose just anyone. A woman who wants to settle down--bluntly put-- needs to offer more than sex to a man. If he values financial stability in a partner, she better have that handled. If he wants to socialize often, she should be social, and not just with three beers in her. And so on.

if he's going to settle down, it should be b/c he can't do much better than the person he's doing it with.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 96
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/25/2018 10:06:09 AM

Most men are players pretty much or just want to screw around even if they don't admit it.
They won't be honest about it either because it means risking losing their chance at sex so it's up to us to be suspicious of them ;)


I don't think so. Try hanging out with some men that aren't low lives.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 97
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/25/2018 7:43:51 PM
"Most men are players pretty much or just want to screw around even if they don't admit it. They won't be honest about it either because it means risking losing their chance at sex so it's up to us to be suspicious of them ;)

I don't think so. Try hanging out with some men that aren't low lives. "


>>>the best way, hands down, to find someone who's a user is....to be the type of person who uses. Then all you need to do is find someone who makes you feel comfortable and doesn't judge what you do. when you aren't trying to get tit for tat, you spot the users a mile away--you may not know why they make your skin crawl, but its something there that does.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 98
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How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/26/2018 12:39:51 AM
There are perks to being in a relationship, and there are many men that want those perks, even if they don't seek a relationship to have kids. A person can still be a user within the context of a relationship.
 BLONDE_ANGEL_1
Joined: 4/27/2018
Msg: 99
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/26/2018 4:37:49 AM

And since starting my weight loss journey almost a year ago, I do feel more confident. Before I wouldn't even bother with OLD. But losing weight causes you to feel better and buy new clothes and gives you a real sense of self-satisfaction.

When I was heavier & single, I attracted men who wanted the whole package.

When I initially lost weight a few years back, the most vile, shallow men came out in full force & I basically just dated my ex husband. Then through real life/my last job, met my current husband who prefers a woman w/ more meat on her bones!

Go figure!

The same way a man resents being liked/used ONLY for his $, I resent a man liking/using me ONLY for my appearance.

I can understand either gender saying they want $ or looks as PART of the package, NOT THE ONLY thing.

Such an attitude is selling one's self short :0(
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 100
How to Tell A Female Friend She Needs to Lose a Few Pounds
Posted: 6/26/2018 9:11:42 AM
Anyone who tells a woman she needs to lose a few pounds may get the results of the advice-except the weight being lost is that of the person giving the advice.
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