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 omgyaa
Joined: 4/13/2018
Msg: 26
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts? Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Being self aware is a good thing ... and being a tad predictable isn't all bad.
 pissed_poptart
Joined: 12/21/2017
Msg: 27
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 3:12:16 PM
Bbbbbbn. Chik deem Iceland escapade
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 28
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 4:12:47 PM
^^I'll have what he's having....
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 29
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:03:48 PM
I'm friends with 2 of my exes, going back 30 and 35 years. My sister hired my ex recently to remodel her kitchen. Both exes had trades and did things to help each other. I lived in the same apt bldg as an ex, and would hang out at his place with his new gf that I liked. I drove them to the airport and picked them up after a vacation. I never had any problems keeping exes as friends.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 30
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:10:36 PM
^^^

Your cute as a beagle puppy MM !!
& a nice well rounded person, with a good heart ! Don't change a thing, your near perfect ~ col


why would someone pretend to be ugly in a chatroom if they were really nice IRL ?


^^^
Your cute as a golden retriever puppy BOO !!
Best I can figure, you lil' platipie ~ is that the " bad side " of them comes out, when they cannot be held responsible.

& as we know > on ~ line ~ is not IRL
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 31
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 5:51:59 PM
I just got off the phone with my ex - and I HATE[/B] talking on the phone.

We talked about our sons and the fact that our youngest just got his first post college job among other things.

/shrug/
 fullmoonguy2
Joined: 6/14/2017
Msg: 32
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/5/2018 6:36:05 PM

What are your thoughts?


I find it bizarre.


Remaining friends with someone who dumped you is like being friends with a boss who fired you, in my opinion.


I'll go along with that.


I'm for the clean and total break.


I agree.

"Ex" can also be short for "expunged from your life".

Expunge:

"erase or remove completely (something unwanted or unpleasant)."
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 33
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 2:38:51 AM
"it's just "who" I am....one of the guys!"

>>which is the usual reason why I don't worry about a woman being friends with an ex. Unless I spot red flags.

"why would someone pretend to be ugly in a chatroom if they were really nice in real life? I can't think of a good reason"

>>>too many people are raised to ACT nice, in order to not be a pain in their parents' ass. But they weren't taught to BE a nice person (generally b/c their parents had the same upbringing). So in real life, they're nice b/c it gets them liked by others. And when the chips are down, their real self comes out. Online, they get no real benefit from being a sweetie, so they do what comes natural, b/c there's no downside until they get banned from the site. But in real life, being that way gets instant punishment (people turn away, etc).

that's why in matters of trusting strangers, I tend to have faith, instead. I want to get to know if they're another, "act nice to make social interaction easier" person, and that takes a little time.
 hemingway234
Joined: 6/6/2015
Msg: 34
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 11:04:24 AM
I've had problems with stalker exs in the past. One was a control freak and bullied his ex wife.

The other was a drunk and displayed belligerent behavior. I almost got into fights with both of them.

If they are staying friends because of the kids or they are cool, I have no problem with it. I certainly have a few lady friends myself whom I dated.
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 35
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 11:07:14 AM
So much of what children learn is unspoken, from watching and listening to parents. Temperament tends to come from parents and which parent you spend more time with. Ever see a parent screaming at a screaming child to shut up?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 36
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 1:39:31 PM

I'm saying (virtually) Everyone you're friends with, you didn't NEED to be friends with either. So saying "I don't need to be friends with my Jake, my ex," doesn't mean much. Yeah, you didn't Need to be friends with Sally your BFF, or Bob, your male friend, nor Need to be going out with Rick, the hot guy you met off POF. ;)


I think in this case, the word, "need" could be substituted for "see any benefit in". If she doesn't see any benefit in being friends with a man she used to date, she's not going to see any point in trying to preserve a friendship with him. I tend to agree with this line of thinking.
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 2:33:05 PM
I took awhile but my ex and I are friends. He is remarried and they come to my home for xmas and birthdays. I will go to their home if they decide they want to host. Our children are adults now, they appreciate the fact everyone can get along and there isn't any drama.
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 38
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 5:22:09 PM
Sometimes. You can still enjoy hanging out with an ex although there isn't enough compatibility on a romantic level.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 39
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 6:35:55 PM
It took many tears after the ex and i split (daughter was 7. But after she was entering adulthood we both matured, and are friendly to each other. We are now Grand parents to a two month old boy.
 Portia654
Joined: 6/29/2017
Msg: 40
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/6/2018 6:58:14 PM
I had an amicable divorce with my ex, and we were friendly and saw each other often because we had a son. Our son passed away in March, but he and I are still friends. He still comes over periodically to mow my lawn, or help with moving things, etc. Sometimes he comes over with coffee and we sit and have a chat. Nothing romantic, nothing awkward. When i was dating, he had met some of the men Ii dated, and he got along well with them as well.
 RoxyMoronic
Joined: 6/7/2016
Msg: 41
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/7/2018 7:01:10 AM
^^so sorry for you Portia.
I can’t think of anything worse than losing a child
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 42
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/7/2018 10:49:45 AM

I think in this case, the word, "need" could be substituted for "see any benefit in". If she doesn't see any benefit in being friends with a man she used to date, she's not going to see any point in trying to preserve a friendship with him. I tend to agree with this line of thinking.

That is a more understandable statement, yes. But at the same time -- out of the friends we have Now, how many were we motivated To Become friends with, because we saw a benefit in doing so beforehand? That preemptive motive & "sizing" things up is more about Dating, not platonic friendships that almost always just form organically.

Instead, for purposely not becoming friends, I would say that we see a Negative in forming/continuing a friendship with someone. And I agree that with most Ex's, that's fitting. But at the same time, for a small minority of EX's, I can also see where there isn't anything Negative about it -- and can be positive in some of those situations, at least for a while. But again, IMO, not nearly as often as one's heart may tell them.

IMO, the common negative reason would be one or both not getting over the other completely if you swiftly transition into becoming friends, feelings still being there, etc. And, even if you eliminate that -- it can certainly get in the way of Dating others, if the ex is more than just a mere acquaintance in the background.
 CBGB77
Joined: 12/15/2017
Msg: 43
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/7/2018 11:18:50 AM
Sorry to hear about your son Portia654,that's really heartbreaking.
 lulz567
Joined: 7/6/2018
Msg: 44
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/13/2018 4:04:46 PM
I dump my ex’s and by the time I have, I’m thoroughly fed up with them, so last thing I want is they’re annoying face in mine. I don’t even like a text after I’m done. Like they text and I end up cutting up my SIM card to escape it.
 BuretoDesu
Joined: 7/1/2018
Msg: 45
Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/13/2018 5:04:01 PM

I feel that if a relationship ended, it is pointless to remain friends with that person, if there are no kids involved. Remaining friends with someone who dumped you is like being friends with a boss who fired you, in my opinion.


About three years ago, I ran into my ex in a Fresh Market after had been divorced for 18 years. We talked, joked, got along great, and exchanged numbers. She's a really good friend now. Nothing sexual.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 46
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/13/2018 7:54:55 PM
Ex's are just that. Ex's. My ex seemed to want nothing to do with me, so I just left her be. I wasn't allowed to ask about her life after me, yet she did call me, and asked me what was up. (At the worst times by the way) One very early morning phone call, waking me up, got a very surly me giving her what for, is stopped it all.

I won't bother with one anymore. If I wasn't good enough for them back when we broke up, then they aren't worth a hoot to me now.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 47
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/14/2018 5:44:10 AM

I don't know.. the guy did cream pie your g/f and shot his skeet all over her breasts. lol


Good point. I shudder in disgust the same way with a thought of smelling his last girlfriend on his mustache when I go to kiss him.


I personally don't keep friends with my exs because when I'm done with someone i'm done with them and if they break up with me I'll vanish from their life . I don't see the need to have the person in my life either way.


I'm the same way...for the most part. That situation can't be fully trusted, IMHO.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 48
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/14/2018 12:09:36 PM

I don't know.. the guy did cream pie your g/f and shot his skeet all over her breasts. lol


Well I am pretty sure there are lots of non virgins so pretty sure your getting a women who already had it happen to them and you might think she is the prized catch. Yet she already been had 100 times over do you think about it really?

Trusting someone not to act with an ex is like saying they can't be just friends with a female, therefore by that statement alone women shouldn't have male friends at all and men shouldn't have female friends. You want to go around telling all those ladies you can't do that now or later? Mine have a purpose ladies like to have male friends, see I can do that too you don't trust my situation were even remove your male friends I remove my female. You want to negotiate lets negotiate that cause I don't care whether those women are in my life or not you on the other hand might.

You see it's perception of how you view it I know what the lady friend does to women, and it's a bargaining chip ladies don't have to like it just need to understand I don't like their male friends being there any more then they like my female. You have male friends your damn right those females are going to be there.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 49
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/15/2018 10:23:51 AM

Good point. I shudder in disgust the same way with a thought of smelling his last girlfriend on his mustache when I go to kiss him.


Well i'd have to shave my mustache and bleach my lips for you then because I wouldn't want to disgust you.

I'm the same way...for the most part. That situation can't be fully trusted, IMHO.


'm the same way...for the most part. That situation can't be fully trusted, IMHO.


Definitely, why would anyone want their ex around their new girlfriend or boyfriend? I can understand if there's children involved when it comes to picking up the kids or stopping by to see them, but outside of that there's no reasons for it in my book. I move forwards not backwards in life. And plus it could make you new relationship suffer by making your current flame jealous or doubt your commitment to the relationship.
 JGL209
Joined: 5/1/2018
Msg: 50
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Friends With Exes: What are your thoughts?
Posted: 7/15/2018 10:38:58 AM

Well I am pretty sure there are lots of non virgins so pretty sure your getting a women who already had it happen to them and you might think she is the prized catch. Yet she already been had 100 times over do you think about it really?

Trusting someone not to act with an ex is like saying they can't be just friends with a female, therefore by that statement alone women shouldn't have male friends at all and men shouldn't have female friends. You want to go around telling all those ladies you can't do that now or later? Mine have a purpose ladies like to have male friends, see I can do that too you don't trust my situation were even remove your male friends I remove my female. You want to negotiate lets negotiate that cause I don't care whether those women are in my life or not you on the other hand might.

You see it's perception of how you view it I know what the lady friend does to women, and it's a bargaining chip ladies don't have to like it just need to understand I don't like their male friends being there any more then they like my female. You have male friends your damn right those females are going to be there..


Yeah everybody is different but for me it's all about context, I personally don't want to be reminded where my girlfriend has been by the presence of her ex. Yes I know she will have a past and we all do, but it's an out of sight out of mind thing. I don't care if my hypothetical girlfriend has guy friends but I'd rather those guys had never ejaculated in her or on her and it's strictly platonic.

If a meet someone and she is that caught up on having her ex in her life I simply do not have to chose her as a girlfriend. In my relationship travels I have never met a woman without kids who entertained her ex people usually move forward in my experience.
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