Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Modern dating      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 101
view profile
History
Modern datingPage 5 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
I think "the rules", as in the unofficial traditions which often accompany dating, work for many men. The ones who whine about it are ones who "the rules" work against or the ones who have trouble finding a date because they are unwilling to accept "the rules".

I understand that men outnumber women on online dating sites majorly. But there are some men who despite the odds manage to find a woman who will give them a chance. And its not all about looks and profile pics. Good attitude and perseverance and self-improvement can and do pay off. I roll my eyes at men whining about opening doors. buying gifts, paying for meals, etc. If you have money problems, then either you have to adapt your game by becoming a good cook and cooking meals for picnics or making homemade gifts with thoughts behind it or something. I won't lie, when it comes to men, it matters to women if you have a sufficient income to pay for certain things. A lot of women these days are willing to pay their own way but we want to feel like a man could do it if necessary. Maybe its not fair but that's the truth. A woman wants a guy who has a good job. If you are really good-looking or charming then you might get away with it but if not then a job matters. I'm not saying you have to be a lawyer or a banker, just not in a minimum wage employee or unemployed.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 102
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 8:04:25 AM

f you are really good-looking or charming then you might get away with it but if not then a job matters


I don't care how good looking they are....if they can't support themselves....they are not relationship material.
 patchmanjoker
Joined: 7/28/2017
Msg: 103
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 9:51:44 AM
As someone who has worked many years in the mental health and retail business, I can tell you that most people don't really want to be treated equal or fair, they want to be treated special. In the traditional game of dating the men have to chase, impress, open doors, pay for dates, and ultimately try to win the ladies over. The ladies get all the attention and have the choice to pick the best suitor. In this format the ladies feel special, that is why even with OLD the men basically do all the approaching. Women still have many obstacles and disadvantages in other areas, why would they give up power in one of the areas they have an advantage? Look at the engagement ring, after WW1 the engagement ring basically disappeared because it was seen as being unnecessary. The De Beers diamond company launched an aggressive add campaign which promoted expensive diamond engagement rings based on the idea that the women should expect nothing less. It has caught on and is still the standard today. Most men today would not dare ask a woman for marriage without an engagement ring. Why, because it makes the woman feel special.
 from site to sight
Joined: 11/30/2007
Msg: 104
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 10:09:05 AM

The De Beers diamond company launched an aggressive add campaign which promoted expensive diamond engagement rings based on the idea that the women should expect nothing less.


I'm surprised that the jewelry industry hasn't brainwashed people into believing that a woman should reciprocate by buying the guy a piece of jewelry as well. It's an easy way to double their sales, if both are programmed to buy jewelry.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 105
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 10:29:19 AM

Not that old myth


What a ridiculous thing to say. Myth?? You think men are simply hallucinating? Did it ever dawn on you and other women men have observed this through family members and friends?


According to researchers, most women value proper decent qualities in a guy.


According to ReverendSwine, these alleged researchers are full of shit. Women can "value decent qualities" from now until the end of time, but who they continuously choose matters more than anything else. Period.

No, I'm not saying a lot of women are attracted to "bad boys" because of the abuse that may come with it, they're attracted in spite of it because there are other elements that come with the package that can't be found in men willing to cater to a woman's every whim. A "bad boy" isn't necessarily "abusive", either. It's also a label commonly slapped on men who simply don't want a relationship.

Women really need to stop with the "just be a nice little gentleman and everything will fall into place with a nice little girl" routine. It's a load of shit and we all know it. Real life isn't written, directed, and produced by Disney. If it were, we would have a magical world filled with "nice" couples all over the globe living happily ever after.


Women don’t care how much attention they receive


WHAAAAAAAAAAAT??!?!

What do you think keeps SOCIAL MEDIA afloat?? If the women disappeared, do you think the men would stick around posting cute puppy dog memes to each other?? Come on. You're not dealing with a clueless rank amateur here.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 106
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 11:18:24 AM

I don't care how good looking they are....if they can't support themselves....they are not relationship material.

That varies greatly from men and women. Men that have money will gladly pay for a woman that can't support herself if she looks good. I've seen average women get their schooling, rent, food, and clothing paid for by some guy they weren't even that into but were dating for convenience.


According to ReverendSwine, these alleged researchers are full of shit. Women can "value decent qualities" from now until the end of time, but who they continuously choose matters more than anything else. Period.

Women really need to stop with the "just be a nice little gentleman and everything will fall into place with a nice little girl" routine. It's a load of shit and we all know it. Real life isn't written, directed, and produced by Disney. If it were, we would have a magical world filled with "nice" couples all over the globe living happily ever after.


Absolutely. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that notices his Facebook feed is full of women saying: "OMG! All men are the same! My bf is a jerk! He's getting the boot tonight!" The same girls that turn down invites from good guys do nothing but date low lives and complain about how they treat them. Then they get pregnant by them and complain about how the baby daddy is a deadbeat, wants nothing to do with the kid, and won't pay child support. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but it's hard not to notice a pattern here. I can see why guys get frustrated when they get brushed off to hang out with some low life that verbally or physically abuses them.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 107
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 1:21:18 PM

Coma: That varies greatly from men and women. Men that have money will gladly pay for a woman that can't support herself if she looks good. I've seen average women get their schooling, rent, food, and clothing paid for by some guy they weren't even that into but were dating for convenience.


And I have seen women do the same for a man...but not happening in my world!!
Even if I was outrageously wealthy...I still would have no desire to be with a man that had no income...
to me that equates to no "drive"....
at least with a minimum wage job I know he is at least trying to be a productive member of society...
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 1:27:51 PM
Coma...

I’m sure I’m not the only guy that notices his Facebook feed is full of women saying: “OMG! All men....


Maybe that says more about a person’s Facebook feed than anything else.
My Facebook feed is full of family BBQs, pizza, Hawaii (a distant cousin lives there), writing romance, reading science-fiction/fantasy, National Geographic and History channels, and cute cat videos. Oh yes, one of my GFs and her husband just returned from a trip where they had a great time. My cousin’s birthday is this week (I need to go wish her ‘happy’) and another friend recently posted how wonderful her husband is. Actually, two of them did.

Not a disgruntled ‘men are all the same’ anywhere.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 109
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 1:32:41 PM

And I have seen women do the same for a man...but not happening in my world!!
Even if I was outrageously wealthy...I still would have no desire to be with a man that had no income...
to me that equates to no "drive"....
at least with a minimum wage job I know he is at least trying to be a productive member of society...


The drive thing isn't always financial. I'm sure most men have had obese women approach them about dating. I have no problem with dating someone a few pounds overweight as long as they have a good attitude about it. The problem is the general person is so lazy and unmotivated to do anything, it's very unattractive. If they know they have a problem and they're doing something about it, it's not a problem. It's the ones that have a bad attitude and say: "Oh, well I'm big boned, I'll always be big." and have no desire to change anything that turn men off like a light. I'm sure women feel the same way about overweight men. It baffles me that people are so delusional.


Maybe that says more about a person’s Facebook feed than anything else.


What does it say exactly? Are you saying those women don't exist because you're not personally friends with them?
 2ufo
Joined: 12/25/2017
Msg: 110
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 1:51:45 PM
I agree that I have no desire to be with a man that has no motivation to better himself in some way or another.
I also agree that motivation doesn’t have to be financial. Or physical or spiritual. I get a lovely frisson of pleasure when a man can carry on an excellent conversation or when he can teach me something interesting. For me, curiosity and knowledge is an aphrodisiac.


. What does it say exactly? Are you saying...

No, I’m not saying those type of women don’t exist, simply that’s what you’re (the generic you) are concentrating on or remembering. Maybe it’s the type of people you (again, the generic male anyone ‘you’ who sees these all over FB) hang around - people that are so concentrated on finding the ‘bigger, better, richer,...’.

Tell me, of all those women who complain and say they’re going to give the guy the boot.. how many actually do?

Actually, no - you don’t have to tell me because I really don’t care for specifics here. But you might simply to see if you’re counting correctly or if it’s only a few vocal, volatile few. Kind of like news and politics - the biggest blowup gets the most news and good news is rarely reported. Not that I count Facebook as anything other than social entertainment and remembering birthdays.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 111
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 3:00:59 PM
"If you are really good looking, or chamring, then you might get away with it FOR A WHILE...
...if they can't support themselves, they are not relationship material"

>>>or at least, not long term material...but they are great for the serial daters :)

"According to researchers, most women value proper decent qualities in a guy."


>>and in the cases of SOME women, that guy tends to become...their best guy friend. SOME women will have the guy friend with decent qualities, and the booty call who arrives late Friday or Saturday night with a sixer or a bottle of liquor, for the horizontal date that ends after midnight. I'll agree with the Pigster on that, for SOME women. The ones who want a decent guy, after a certain age fall into a category called "already married". But sometimes they widow or divorce.

As for why Diamonds are a girl's best friend but the man buys her her friends....i'll guess it came about when a woman wasn't making in a few months, enough to cover a ring.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 112
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 3:07:55 PM
I don't care how good looking they are....if they can't support themselves....they are not relationship material.
^^^
What Ms Micki said.
a man must have some form of income, wheels, and place to stay.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 113
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 4:29:52 PM

patchmanjoker
Look at the engagement ring, after WW1 the engagement ring basically disappeared because it was seen as being unnecessary. The De Beers diamond company launched an aggressive add campaign which promoted expensive diamond engagement rings based on the idea that the women should expect nothing less. It has caught on and is still the standard today. Most men today would not dare ask a woman for marriage without an engagement ring. Why, because it makes the woman feel special.

Reading this (above) inspired me to do a little research. Didn’t take long to find this:



It likely won't surprise you to learn that it was jewelers who decided that a man should spend two months' salary on an engagement ring for his beloved. This rule originated during World War II and is incredibly outdated.



According to a 2015 survey conducted by Wedding Wire, the average cost of an engagement ring is $4,758.


Holy Moly! That cuts it, I’m never going to get married again.


MachIMustangII


"According to researchers, most women value proper decent qualities in a guy."

and in the cases of SOME women, that guy tends to become...their best guy friend. SOME women will have the guy friend with decent qualities, and the booty call who arrives late Friday or Saturday night with a sixer or a bottle of liquor, for the horizontal date that ends after midnight. I'll agree with the Pigster on that, for SOME women. The ones who want a decent guy, after a certain age fall into a category called "already married". But sometimes they widow or divorce.


I discovered this basic truth about life about 40 or 45 years ago, and I vowed to never again be ONLY that “best guy friend”. I am willing to sacrifice myself by being the booty call, but never only the best guy friend. Of course In the best of all possible worlds, I would be both. Nirvana is a little hard to find these days though so I keep on looking!
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 114
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 4:49:06 PM

I don't care how good looking they are....if they can't support themselves....they are not relationship material.
^^^
What Ms Micki said.
a man must have some form of income, wheels, and place to stay.


Yep. Anyone who doesn't have their shit together as far as a roof over their head, vehicle and job might only be good for sex. For me personally, no, because I'm not going to be picking up and dropping off a FB, or wait for them to catch the bus to my place.

There are a lot of women who are either very young or have questionable self-esteem/self-worth who'll put up with a guy just because he's cute and giving her attention. I've seen my fair share of pedestrian-ass, couch-surfing, unemployed dudes who still have girls around but the caliber of these girls IS NOT high. I'm not talking about their looks, but their general lack of good judgment and self-esteem. There's a very good-looking guy at my job who I think likes me and a lot of female co-workers are like, "go for it!" Ummmm....no. He is in his 30s, doesn't have a car and lives 20+ miles away. Not worth the effort. Maybe if I were 5-10 years younger I'd accept that.
 backcreek7
Joined: 12/2/2014
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 6:53:08 PM
^^^^
Ahhh siisaa ~ You could be the star of a great new soap opera, you got it all goin' on ( I'd watch you, col )

... One with funny skits about car-less dudes with low esteem , pedestrian-ass, couch-surfing , devoid of a roof , bus takin' , zero judgement , jobless unemployed f-ers & dumb assses ( I added dumb asses , hope that's ok , kiss kiss )

Anywho ......
Hollywood is waiting for you ~ practice your signature & get your handprint ready, go shopping ...
Graumans has already been alerted, concerning your eminent arrival ....

( backcreek bows, most elegantly )
^ just pullin' on your sense of humor leg a tad siisaa ~ I think your swell ~
col ( chuckle out loud )

heart / sun
 patchmanjoker
Joined: 7/28/2017
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/23/2018 11:46:43 PM
It is true that women want an independent and self-sufficient man. The problem is, that alone is not near enough for women who have many suitors. If you think about the tinder and OKC studies in which women declared that only 20% of the men were attractive, the whole having a job and car thing is not going to make them change their minds about attractiveness. If you look at studies about what women want in a man you will see a lot of dichotomy like statements. "I like a guy who dresses nice but he is not materialistic or self-focused" , "I want a guy who is confident but not conceded" , "I want a guy who is tough but a softy". The bottom line is that most women want a guy who can wear many hats.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 117
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 12:01:03 AM

I'm surprised that the jewelry industry hasn't brainwashed people into believing that a woman should reciprocate by buying the guy a piece of jewelry as well. It's an easy way to double their sales, if both are programmed to buy jewelry.

Tough row to hoe. The jewelry industry didn't invent treating a girl special and the one in position to be chased/glorified for acceptance. The wind has always been blowing in that same direction to one degree or another. The jewelry company just went all out to keep that wind blowing when it was losing ground in the jewelry dept.

Although they could do a whole "Get your man a nice diamond watch. So he can actually keep track of what time it is when he needs to take you out to that special place, and never forget like he always does." :)

Men that have money will gladly pay for a woman that can't support herself if she looks good. I've seen average women get their schooling, rent, food, and clothing paid for by some guy they weren't even that into but were dating for convenience.

It's called a "Sugar Daddy". :) They actually have a site to find guys like that.

Absolutely. I'm sure I'm not the only guy that notices his Facebook feed is full of women saying: "OMG! All men are the same! My bf is a jerk! He's getting the boot tonight!" The same girls that turn down invites from good guys do nothing but date low lives and complain about how they treat them.

Although there are some of those to that degree that are out there, I'd say what's more common is the notably cute girl will say the same thing, and not go for a low-life, but, go for a real cute guy who's probably not the best match, but he's really cute (where "I don't settle" and "Looks don't mean that much" Clash)... and because they didn't get along + he wasn't a great match for the long run, he'll be classified in roughly the same category as the low life.

I can see why guys get frustrated when they get brushed off to hang out with some low life that verbally or physically abuses them.

To be fair, they're not necessarily low-lifes. I think us guys observing can be too quick to pull the trigger on that judgment (although it can be true). I think all it takes is that this new guy Doesn't represent the ideal guy they complain about wanting -- and that Looks and Social Popularity mean way more to them than wanting to admit.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 118
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 7:28:17 AM

I understand that men outnumber women on online dating sites majorly. But there are some men who despite the odds manage to find a woman who will give them a chance. And its not all about looks and profile pics. Good attitude and perseverance and self-improvement can and do pay off.


Of course there are success stories with OLD. But I think that is a fairly low percentage. Even many people that married someone or had a LTR with someone from OLD had dozens or hundreds of first dates / meetings that went nowhere or had used OLD for multiple years before finding someone.

OLD is largely about looks and stats for initial interest. If there is enough initial interest for a first date / meeting, then is often about instant chemistry. Many people expect instant chemistry on a first date / meeting or they will lose interest. Most of time there won't be instant chemistry. Even if both people have good attitudes / personalities etc. Often because 2 people are virtual strangers or at least 1 person is a little bit nervous or shy at first.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 119
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:03:20 AM
"I've seen my fair share of pedestrian-ass, couch-surfing, unemployed dudes who still have girls around but the caliber of these girls IS NOT high. I'm not talking about their looks, but their general lack of good judgment and self-esteem."
"I can see why guys get frustrated when they get brushed off to hang out with some low life that verbally or physically abuses them."

>>>people who share belief systems about what is important in life, and share morals about how to treat others...tend to feel comfortable enough to date each other.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 120
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:29:10 AM
When it comes to "bad boys" or "bad girls", women and men don't really want them. They are either bedazzled by looks, charms and excitement and that usually fades with time. Also, if someone has faced recent significant rejection, their self-esteem is currently in the toilet and they are vulnerable to a bad boy or girl. Many people eventually settle down with good persons though.

Women might have the initial option of picking but talk to most women on OLD and they'll tell you they've had tons of setbacks on here as well. It's not easy for most people.

Someone above mentioned that a person just wants to feel special. They feel special when a someone fawns over them, adores them and appreciates them. This whole dating thing and success of it basically comes down to that.
 reverendswine
Joined: 4/14/2018
Msg: 121
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 8:58:56 AM

The same girls that turn down invites from good guys do nothing but date low lives


In some cases, it could be a matter of the "good guys" overselling their "niceness". I've seen them in action, and it's not pretty. Non-assertive, agreeable, gives excessive praise, is TOO humble, etc. It all comes across like a sales pitch after a while.


simply that’s what you’re (the generic you) are concentrating on or remembering.


I have hundreds of women from all over the world on mine, and it's not a matter of confirmation bias. If you ever saw my News Feed on any given day, you would turn on your own gender.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 122
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 9:06:22 AM
I think some nice guys do oversell it or they come across as boring. And contrary to what some people seem to believe, nice does not have to equal boring. Nice just means that the person considers the other person's feelings and takes care not to tread on them, basically they are kind. Nice also does not have to mean someone is a doormat or always-agreeable.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 123
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 12:49:56 PM

In some cases, it could be a matter of the "good guys" overselling their "niceness". I've seen them in action, and it's not pretty. Non-assertive, agreeable, gives excessive praise, is TOO humble, etc. It all comes across like a sales pitch after a while.


That can happen. I guess that's the male equivalent of the overweight girl or single mother with 5 kids from 5 different men. She can be nice but also not girlfriend material. I just can't figure out the women that seem to have a new boyfriend every month and complain about him abusing her or being a jerk in general. You'd think people would learn after making the same mistake a dozen times or so.



I have hundreds of women from all over the world on mine, and it's not a matter of confirmation bias. If you ever saw my News Feed on any given day, you would turn on your own gender.


Do you mean women who are shaming men?
 NewYorker58
Joined: 6/11/2013
Msg: 124
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 3:45:19 PM
I've done everything except ask a man out.

Suit yourself, date whoever appeals to you. Btw, do you think Trump didn't pay for dates when he was single?

I love when men hold open doors for me, and I appreciate it.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 125
view profile
History
Modern dating
Posted: 7/24/2018 4:33:22 PM
Okay, what happened to ReverendSwine, aka TPOYD? Are we back to that again???

Messages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be postedMessages this short may not be posted
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Modern dating