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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no      Home login  
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 acrosstheplains
Joined: 8/1/2017
Msg: 26
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying noPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
No defo, "good luck in your search" is a rejection, whether from a prospective date or a potential employer. And it's not a "save it for later" Just accept that you're gonna be rejected sometimes. jeez, turn it around and ask why should someone give you a date or a job?
 cindi_rella
Joined: 7/25/2016
Msg: 27
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/21/2018 6:28:44 PM
^^+1
Agree with this 100%. Ive never wished someone luck in their search and wanted to continue corresponding. Its def a rejection.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 28
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/21/2018 6:43:10 PM
Saying "Good luck" has always been a clear sign the other person is not interested. Just move on at that point.
 MachIMustangII
Joined: 2/16/2018
Msg: 29
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/22/2018 6:45:55 AM
Thanks for the compliment, BeretoDesu. Some days I don't wake up feeling so "ageless", tho :)

I too have told ladies "Good luck in your search", and expected it was the last word. Some were nice to say, "thanks", and that's probably the last word. Some may come to OLD as a last resort, and a rejection here feels like an end of the line.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 30
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/22/2018 10:58:01 PM

I don't understand why people obsess about rejection or "no".
The mature way of saying no is just NO THANK YOU...or
no response at all.

No response at all, if you two didn't have any bantering going on Is the best route, hands down. They're a stranger, and you're not even face to face. Easy peasy.

But if you were bantering back n forth -- I could see the fib that they met someone else and had a great time, and felt they should let ya know, and am going to give the dating scene a break outside said person. It's a rejection by circumstance (like telling a guy at the bar, "Oh, I have a boyfriend, I'm sorry..."), not because "I can do better" or "I lost interest, and you sit there and wonder what you were lacking, as ya can't trust someone in my position to tell you the actual truth."

So I am a fan of that fib. If it comes across convincingly.
 spot4username
Joined: 12/15/2015
Msg: 31
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/23/2018 5:26:42 AM
New?

Messages this short may not be posted
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 32
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 3:19:21 AM

Saying "Good luck" has always been a clear sign the other person is not interested. Just move on at that point.


Yes, wishing somebody "good luck" as opposed to "best wishes" is a sign that one is not only disinterested in that prospect, they are also repulsed by them,
 sun_water
Joined: 5/26/2018
Msg: 33
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:44:19 AM

Yes, wishing somebody "good luck" as opposed to "best wishes" is a sign that one is not only disinterested in that prospect, they are also repulsed by them

I'm not repulsed by someone when I say good luck. It usually means that I felt that we weren't compatible for some reason. Pretty much the only times I would be repulsed by someone is when they were a jerk and/or said some offensive things during a date or a conversation. In that case, I probably wouldn't answer their calls or texts.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 34
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 8:01:56 AM

No defo, "good luck in your search" is a rejection, whether from a prospective date or a potential employer.

"Good luck in your search" -- as if one's on some Easter-egg hunt (lol) -- is a silly canned remark. As if he's a guy who came home one day telling his roommate "I'm on a hunt to find a girlfriend!" Almost like you're on some dating game show. To many, going to an online site is no different than stepping into a bar, single and social.

Imagine if that was said at a bar after idle chit-chat's had, and it's seemingly apparent Bob likes Sally or vice-versa. "I'm not feeling it, Sally. Good luck in your search," and turns away.
 jco415
Joined: 1/4/2017
Msg: 35
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 12:30:55 PM
I cringe at grown people being passive aggressive and thinking it's cool...Can't anyone just be direct anymore?
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 36
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 12:59:04 PM

Yes, wishing somebody "good luck" as opposed to "best wishes" is a sign that one is not only disinterested in that prospect, they are also repulsed by them


"Good luck"
"Best of luck"
"Best wishes"

They all mean the same thing - a lack of interest.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 37
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/25/2018 7:36:38 PM

"Good luck"
"Best of luck"
"Best wishes"

They all mean the same thing - a lack of interest.

Agreed although I rarely have been told "best wishes" when the other person wasn't interested.
 calliopedreams
Joined: 11/21/2017
Msg: 38
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/26/2018 10:46:33 AM
Even people (men and women) who are typically direct in their communication will employ the "Soft No" when dealing with someone they perceive to be unstable and/or unpredictable. This is in the hopes they can distance themselves enough to avoid any threatening behavior (stalking, etc.) that may stem from the unstable party's reaction to rejection.

Can you truly fault them OP?
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 39
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/30/2018 8:54:28 PM
When I first signed on to POF I received a message from a woman. From her picture she was exceedingly thick. I made the mistake of saying thanks but not interested (no comment about her size). I received a scathing response accusing me of only wanting a young woman or a #10. Needless to say from then on if I receive a message from someone I'm not interested in I delete the message and move on.
 norwegianguy456
Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 40
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 7/31/2018 12:51:27 PM

Agreed although I rarely have been told "best wishes" when the other person wasn't interested.

Because it's rude. It's a form of showing Pity. That's why most people don't do it. :) That's why I scoff at the "good luck in your search" and other canned responses like that as being "good" - lol. Online off a first message (or two), just don't respond to their message.

Even people (men and women) who are typically direct in their communication will employ the "Soft No" when dealing with someone they perceive to be unstable and/or unpredictable.

I don't think a "Soft No" is a routine triggered by fear of the other being unstable/unpredictable. I think it's just a method of doing it without a "slap" of a rejection that none of us like to do. Saying you're seeing someone even when you're really not, isn't bad at all -- unless of course they're someone in your social circle and will see it was a fib or something.
 nelles34748
Joined: 3/13/2018
Msg: 41
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/4/2018 3:46:05 PM
Its hard for me to understand that no response is better than the truth, but I’m learning. Its interesting that a lot guys are so snarky when you Respond with legit reasons: you live too far away, I prefer a man my height or taller, you're too young for me (!).
 zonavar68
Joined: 8/16/2015
Msg: 42
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:54:42 AM
I think part of the reason is we get so used to any responses we receive being 'canned worms' ones, or from romance scammers who've set up fake profiles good enough to seem legit at first glance but the message that comes back rings alarm bells for one of many reasons.

I always respond with a kind, personalised message to say thankyou even when I get a plain response. It's courteous, and if the other person is legit but not interested, that usually generates a nice thankyou followup then it's off on our own seperate paths again.
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 43
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/5/2018 1:13:19 PM
I have found when I responded to a guy based on his profile I think we are not a good match, thank you and good luck with their search two things happen. 1. They either have a very negative response and I get called everything but a child or god OR they keep emailing me because they think they can charm me into looking past my initial response. Now occasionally you get a guy who understands you don't feel he is a good fit. It is so much easier to just block people and move on.
 TomásIasan
Joined: 5/17/2018
Msg: 44
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:57:46 AM
You want a real mature way of saying no say nothing in conversations they hate dead air, and they really don't like the fact your not talking they do it all by themselves. She says what a waste, your like yep had nothing to say to you as your attitude was wonderful.
 acrosstheplains
Joined: 8/1/2017
Msg: 45
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/7/2018 2:33:44 PM
yes but dark_n_juju, you are awesomely gorgeous, you can't blame a guy for trying, though I totally totally accept it's bleedin annoyin after the first few times.
Bit like the argument I had with a co worker the other day about the merits of whistling women in the street when driving around in a company truck. They get whistled so many times a day it gets really sickening. After all, think about what happened to that woman in France the other day. A rejected male thought it was OK to assault her because she rejected his approach
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 46
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/7/2018 6:19:22 PM
After all, think about what happened to that woman in France the other day. A rejected male thought it was OK to assault her because she rejected his approach

I have developed a very thick skin when it comes to how men deal with rejection. She was kind because I would have taken my shoe off and attacked him like a wild crazy cat.

I have recently called the N word on this site by a guy who felt his white skin made him a superior choice. Rejection HURTS everyone but that is no excuse for how hateful men can become when they feel rejected. Whatever white women experience when it comes to the downright unbelievable what women of color must experience from all men. I am now in the middle of a debate at work as far as filing a complaint against a co-worker who made a threatening comment because he realized I was uninterested in him sexually.

I have found me are less likely to respect women today than they were 20 years ago. MY THEORY? The internet has allowed men the ability to watch videos that would destroy their respect of all women. And those pictures are played in their heads when they are talking to a woman they feel attracted too. Men lose respect for women because she is attractive. And they then feel insulted that women whom they see as sl uts or hoes are rejecting them which cause them to be angry and possibly violent.

So I will say it, again and again, to simply block people they are not interested in.
 whiterose0
Joined: 2/3/2009
Msg: 47
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/9/2018 12:17:19 PM

Its hard for me to understand that no response is better than the truth, but I’m learning. Its interesting that a lot guys are so snarky when you Respond with legit reasons: you live too far away, I prefer a man my height or taller, you're too young for me (!).


No response is better than the truth, which may make him angry.

No response is better than blocking, because too many blocks will get his profile deleted.

If you're not interested, the best thing to do is ignore, ignore, ignore.
 dark_n_juju
Joined: 8/30/2017
Msg: 48
new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/9/2018 3:14:35 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is the gospel. This is the truth.
 HippyDippyWeatherman
Joined: 3/20/2008
Msg: 49
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 8/9/2018 3:40:27 PM
In the last couple of weeks I've had three women contact me. The first I just came out and said I wasn't interested. She seemed Ok but made a comment about me not having a photo and I was lying about not posting one. I kept positive and explained again that this site used to let you send private images with e-mails but you need to upgrade to use that feature.
The second was similiar but better looking. The lady wanted a photo and I told her I wished to remain private on this site. She then sent a phone number to post a photo. I did mention meeting half way at a bar that has a really good shrimp pizza but she didn't respond to that. I usually don't get many contacts at all and thought this woman was a bit pushy and breaking the rules about names and phone numbers so I just wished her luck and declined her offer because something didn't seem right.
The third lady was probably the best looking and would be a reasonable commute for both of us. I told her I suffer from congestive heart failure and haven't been dating because I didn't think it would be fair to get into a relationship and then die. She said she was ok with that and suggested we meet at a local hotspot on the river that had a band she wanted to see. We agreed to meet around 5ish and I described my build, beard and salmon colored shirt. At 4:00 o'clock I checked this site and she said something came up and she might or might not make it. I thanked her for saving me a trip and haven't heard from her since.
 newstart1949
Joined: 6/16/2010
Msg: 50
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new 'mature age' way of saying no without actually saying no
Posted: 9/2/2018 11:45:05 AM
H3LL even a direct NO gets one no way.
I've had guys that I've nicely said that the distant was to far or just didn't think there was a match and then wish them luck
They then will keep coming back 2 or weeks times with crazy lines.
I live in the Northwest...Most anything outside of the Northwest is way to far at my age.
Many times I've usually ended up say NO and if the don't work I block them... Had one guy make a new profile to ask why I blocked them...
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